Toya Talks Podcast

Paris, Portaloos, and Power

• Toya Washington • Season 2 • Episode 178

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A week off turned into a reset I didn’t know I needed: a solo first-class dash to Paris for skincare and quiet, then a Black Tech Fest panel that cracked open my entire view of leadership. Four Black women drew a bright line between management and leadership, spoke candidly about mental health and neurodiversity, and made the case for sponsorship over mentorship names in rooms, budgets for growth, introductions that move careers. I walked in curious and walked out ready to lead.

We go deep on intentional careers: how to “go where your joy is” even if you don’t love your job, how motherhood routines can make ambition sustainable, and why vision board parties miss the point. Intention is private work; keep it sacred, operationalise it with a living plan, and hold yourself to it. From there, we challenge the culture of “keeping up” around luxury and counterfeits, and talk plainly about authenticity, access, and the quiet power of buying only what you can maintain.

There’s heat in the headlines, too. Drake’s defamation suit over Kendrick’s diss gets tossed because context matters; Diddy’s sentencing lands with industry shockwaves; Nicki and Cardi’s feud crosses lines children should never be pulled across. Then we widen the lens: Ghana’s call for reparations at the UN, Burkina Faso’s resource sovereignty, and what real liberation looks like when policy finally matches pride. We close at Tate Modern’s Nigerian Modernism exhibition a stunning, seven‑month celebration of art that remembers, resists, and reimagines and a peek at Sister Scribble, my new stationery brand built for creative focus and cultural joy.

Press play for leadership clarity, career intention, pop culture scrutiny, and a generous dose of Black excellence and art. If this moved you, follow, rate, and share with a friend then tell me: what intention are you setting next?

Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
Cc: toyawashington10@gmail.com

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Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)

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www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/

Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star

  • Stationary Company: Sistah Scribble
  • Instagram: @sistahscribble
  • Website: www.sistahscribble.com



SPEAKER_00:

Let's just stop the game which go. We just the house to found that cross. Let's we go to hello. That's what we do.

SPEAKER_01:

Hello, it's me. Hello, it's me. How y'all doing? Where y'all been at? I took an impromptu week off, and now I'm back. Um, I did post on my Instagram page that there wouldn't be an episode last week. Coincidentally, last week was my birthday, my 41st birthday. I can't even believe I'm admitted that on my podcast, but I don't look it, I don't feel it, but I own it, and I'm so grateful to the ancestors for another year. Um, so yeah, I'm an October baby. Um, big shout out to Libra Season, all my fellow Librons, as we just look for balance in life, you know, the most balanced sign in the entire zodiac. Big shout out to my Librans, big up your chest there. Um, God, I don't even know where to start, you know. There's just so much going on. Okay, so I'm gonna start with. So last week, those of you who are not on my social media, last week was my birthday, and typically I don't really celebrate my birthday. I try to avoid being in the UK. Uh, last year for my 40th, I was in Dubai with my family. Um, but typically I have explored in therapy why I avoid my birthday, and I think I find it really uncomfortable to centre myself in a celebration. I know that it comes from a space of trauma, which is I believe is resolved trauma, but I I think it's resolved insofar as I don't attach it to negative emotions in terms of seeing my birthday negatively, but um I still feel uncomfortable on my birthday. It's really weird to explain, it's almost like I can't wait for the day to just come and go, and I just feel awkward, and I just think it does come from a place of you know, just not really feeling celebrated in the past, but I don't hold any negative emotion, I just know that typically on my birthday is just aucs. Um, but I spent the day just cleaning up my house, spending time with my husband who'd taken some time off work. Um, on the Tuesday, so my birthday was on the 6th of October, which is it fell on a Monday this year. On Tuesday, the 7th of October, I went to Paris, and those of you who follow me on social media know I love skincare. And I've been to Paris. I went to Paris in June, and I've been Paris several times, but I love skincare, so I just wanted to indulge in in skincare. I found a lovely Korean boutique and got loads of Korean skincare as well as going to the uh French pharmacies out there, particularly City Pharma. I then lunched in Ralph Lorraine all by myself and I travelled first class. I am the first person to tell you that black luxury needs to be enjoyed and it needs to be shared. Social media. We need to normalize black luxury because we have those who are uncomfortable in seeing black luxury because they're not used to seeing black joy. So I will be the first to tell you that I will indulge, especially on my birthday, I indulge in treating myself in whatever that looks like, whatever form it takes. Um so yeah, travelling to Paris, um, solo travelling, and I loved it. I just had such a good, I felt so free, and I had a like a little mini suitcase for my products that I bought. It's not as cost effective now that we're out of the EU, and a lot of the rules that come with being out of the EU come into force um actually on the 12th, which was yesterday of October. So actually, it works out less cost effective now, um, and it makes it more difficult as well. Like you have to go through a couple of hoops to get your VAT back, which would have been the draw in shopping in Europe, right? The tax-free. So, anyway, I went, I had a really good time. On the Wednesday, um, I went to Vista Village with my friend, and we had a really good time again. I just treated myself, went to um is it Soconi's as well, restaurant? And I'd you know, I'd saved up for a few things I wanted to get, so that was really lovely. And then on the Thursday, I went to Black Tech Fest. So I had a really packed week last week, and I had hoped that I would record maybe on my birthday, but then I realised, you know what, Toya, it's okay, like you have committed to every week, and this is the week that you're not gonna be able to do, and that's fine. So, yeah, so I had a really packed week last week, and I knew it'd be packed, but I was so exhausted. Um, so I was off for the week from work, checked in my emails now and again, but not as frequently as I would normally do because that's not my father's business. But it was actually really nice to just kind of spend time on my own, do things for myself, treat myself. It was nice, I liked it, and my daughter was so cute because she's now understanding birthday, she's two years old, and my husband made it special at home, so that was really, really nice. But I do want to talk a little bit about Black Tech Fest, and I hope that this inspires, and I hope that there's something to learn from what I'm sharing here, as always. So, Black Tech Fest, I typically don't go to such events, and irrespective of whether it's in you know in celebration of Black History Month, I don't typically get anything out of these type of events. However, I've made a conscious effort this year to try to attend certain events and see it as an opportunity to network. But if I don't, that's fine, but there's always something to learn from situations, and I'll know not to go the following year if I don't like it. So I came, I went there with a particularly open mind, and I went with my colleague who we work together. Um, and we went and it was really good. Krept was there from Krepton Conan and um partner of uh and CEO of Nala's Baby, he was there, he had like centre stage and he did a talk. But I I like the way it was set up, I think that it was well organised. There were, you know, there was a lot of like security, it was great, and it was in Drumstedes. So, those of you who are North London familiar or Tottenham natives like myself, the old IKEA is where they'd had it. So there's ample room, ample space. It was brilliant. The only negative I would say is the Portaloo toilets, which was absolutely disgustingly diabolical because you're literally in Portaloo's, there's loads of them, and they were disgusting. The hygiene of them, I'm surprised I didn't catch something just hovering and being in the butt I had no choice, I had to use a toilet, and there was nowhere to wash your hands. What they offered was sanitary, um, I was about to say sanitary towels, but they did offer that um sanitizer and hair gel. That was that was, and y'all know I'm OCD, so that doesn't work for me. So I then decided that I just hold in any toilet that I needed to do post using their toilets. But I often get asked, like, who do I look up to? And it's a really difficult question for me, especially from a career perspective, because honestly, there hasn't been anyone. I think I take inspiration from people like Michael Jordan and the business acumen of Kanye West, um, the business prowess and brand ambassadorship of LeBron James. And but I wouldn't say I there is anyone I look up to. And actually, for a long time, I used to just not understand why people would say like Oprah and stuff like that, because I don't particularly find her inspiring, although I do respect kind of the brand and everything that she's built. I just don't get inspiration from her in that way. And one of the reasons why I kind of chose some of the talks, and it was all digitized, so you could choose which talks talks you want to go to. The the the agenda was also on the phone. You could just select and see the times. So there was one talk called Black Women in Leadership. So I thought, okay, I'm gonna go to this. So there was a couple of talks, but this one in particular I went to, and there were four black women on the stage, and one of them was from Meta, one of them was from Microsoft, one of them was from Monzo. Um, I can't remember where the other one was from, but they spoke about the realities of black leadership, and they took up spoke about their experiences, they also spoke about mental health, they spoke spoke about like navigating, um, and they also spoke to what actual leadership is, and they differentiated between leadership and managership, which I thought was really, really, really inspirational, important, and much needed. There was a particular woman there that was speaking, but all of them were really inspiring because they were speaking from a place of vulnerability and honesty. And for me, if that's your starting position, I'm getting the truth and I'm getting the honest reality of what they're sharing, and I respect that more than I do the bravado that I feel a lot of people have when they take centre stage and they're speaking to women. Um, and my eyes started to fill out with water. Now, if you know anything about me, there's an ice box where my heart used to be. Now I'm joking, but am I not? No, I'm not joking. Um, I just wasn't expecting expecting to be read for filth personally, and I wasn't expecting the ancestors to turn up the way they did for me during Black Tech Fest, but particularly that talk. And I know where I am in my career, and I'm confronted with a crossroads I didn't anticipate in my career, and I've avoided leadership for a really long time, and part of it is because I don't like the manager managing, I don't like line management, I don't like any of that. But the way these women broke down leadership and differentiated it from managership gave me food for thought, but they spoke to so many things that reflect my current position in my career and at work. And I had asked the universe certain questions, I'd spoken to my ancestors, and I didn't expect to receive all the answers and more through that talk. And I left inspired, I left moved, and unprecedented of me, I actually approached one of the women who just really just moved me. And I said, Thank you. I said thank you for being vulnerable and being honest in that vulnerability and for trusting us as your safe space to talk about the things you did. I see you, and as a woman who is neurodivergent, I have ADHD hearing you speak about how you navigate in that space. I've never been more inspired in my career, and I don't look up to anyone, there's no one that I find inspirational until now. And she held my hand and she says, I don't know who you are, I've never met you before, but you are really special, there's something about you, and you are born to be in leadership and lead. And I just was like, These women don't know me from nowhere. And my colleague actually took a picture, and the irony of that picture is me and this lady look very similar, we're dressed similar, hair similar, everything. And that again was quite symbolic of how I felt, and for her to see me in that moment, which I never expected, I just wanted to thank her. Um, it was just I know I'm not I'm saying enough, but not a lot, but that's because I'm going to discuss in a future episode the impact of that. But for now, I just want to say to anyone, whether you're in tech or not, I recommend Black Tech Vest. Because I think there's something for everyone. Um, definitely not toilets, but I think there's something for everyone. And I think as a black woman, whether you're middle management entry level or in leadership or looking to go into leadership, whatever your position is, I think as black women, especially black and brown women, I think it's really important that you attend because you're also networking to a degree, and even if you're not, there's something to learn. And I took some notes because I knew I wanted to discuss on the podcast, and um they spoke about sponsorship, not mentorship, and it just made me laugh because my previous pod episode before this one, I spoke about kind of mentorship, and you you all know how I feel about mentorship. So when they spoke about it, honestly, there was like a little chuckle that I had inside of me, and I think there was something else I read online about black women don't need mentorship, they need sponsorship and investment because there's so many black women and brown women who have loads of ideas and are very entrepreneurial, and actually they don't need mentorship, but what they do need is guidance and support, which people can translate into mentorship, but not in the traditional sense, because what they need is someone who would support them as they navigate entrepreneurship, especially if they do it for the first time, and ensure that they have their checks and balances in terms of have you got an accountant, have you done all the legal preparation, have you trademarked, all that type of stuff. But actually, what black women need is sponsorship. So for those of us who well, I'm entrepreneurial in in kind of the other stuff that I do and even what I do here, but from a from a work perspective, what we're talking about when we say sponsorship is somebody who's going to mention your name in those rooms. Sponsorship is also you sponsoring yourself with further education that allows you to be not only just a subject matter expert but differentiates you from what the standard norm is maybe in your career. Sponsorship can be funding for learning and higher education. Sponsorship doesn't necessarily have to sit with somebody, but it is a term that you I think, as an employee, if you if you are an employee, would need to embrace because sponsorship comes in so many different forms, and even if it's just the opportunity to network with people in your industry or your peers, there is a spot so for example, I see Black Tech Fest as a form of sponsorship because they're sponsoring by they're sponsoring all black and brown women and men in a space that centralizes tech, but is not restricted to just tech for people to come, learn, grow, network, listen to talks, and grow in their knowledge. That's you sponsoring your community to increase that gap that you've identified that needs to be filled, and that's what the Black Tech Fest does. So I feel like sponsorship is multi-layered and it doesn't necessarily just come from money, but it is money too, especially if you're entrepreneurial. I can understand why that would be the interpretation. One of the ladies also spoke about go where your joy is, and I think that's so important because not everybody loves their job, and I don't think, and I've said this before, I don't think you have to love your job, but what I do think is that you need to be really good at it, and maybe the joy comes from what that job or career gives you and enables you or funds other stuff that you want to do. But I think for myself, I learned very quickly I don't love what I do, I'm just really good at it, and what I enjoy about what I do is the growth, the opportunity, and the challenges, and that to me is where I derive my joy and being able to fund my passion projects. So Toyota Talks as a brand, and now Sister Scribble, that's what I enjoy too, and I feel like there are different hats that I wear, but my career has provided the baseline. So if there is no joy where I work, I'm not afraid to step out and explore other opportunities. I'm not wedded to any one company, and I know my worth. And in knowing my worth, I'm not willing to compromise it because I'm going where my joy is. And part of that joy for me is the freedom to operate as myself as I navigate the world of work or as much of myself. It is not being micromanaged, it's being treated like the adult they hired, it's being in an environment that is conducive for work and is healthy enough for me to enable me to deliver on the role that I've been employed to do. And whatever else sits underneath my joy. And I I realize in in Going Where Your Joy is, I I recognise also how my how and when that joy is no longer there. So I definitely feel in terms of my career and where I'm at now, um, I've had to have conversations with myself, and one of the one of a few things I've concluded is that I'm ready for leadership, and I think I haven't been ready for leadership because I couldn't differentiate it from managerial ship, if that's even a word, but for the purposes of this, it's gonna be a word if it's not. And also, I I gave myself grace to kind of work out some routines for my daughter. I'm very intentional about everything in my life, and I'm very intentional about my child. So for the last two years, it has been about routines and acclimatizing to motherhood and ensuring that my daughter has everything that she needs, as I also get to know her and her personality and able to meet her needs as a mother, as a guardian, and that I got to a point where motherhood is was part of me now, and I had adapted and adopted that, and I definitely feel over the last two years I've done that. So, in kind of like growing, my daughter, you know, me being in a space where I could give my daughter her own room is the biggest blessing, and I I'm so grateful for it, and it's also given me some time back for myself. So when when our daughter was in our room, you know, there was a limit to kind of what we could do. She'd wake up really early because she's sensitive to me, me and her dad, you know, things like that. Whereas now she's in her room, she's sleep trained, she was sleep trained from six months, and yeah, it was really difficult, but I'm benefiting from it now because I'm able to put her to bed half seven's bedtime. Takes her about half an hour to 20 minutes to go to sleep. Um, I settle her. Like today, she was quite restless, but I settled her. I was able to eat dinner with my husband, and now I'm recording in my office space. Our room is now ours, and I've personalised the room. You know what I mean? And my daughter loves her space and she was ready to have her room. I say all of this because it speaks to that next chapter in my career where I can comfortably move into leadership knowing that my home is running as it should, or that we have enough routines that I'm able to kind of embark on that side of my career and still be a conscious present mother. Um, and I don't I've put into the universe my intentions in terms of leadership and I've heard the responses. So we just have to see what happens. But again, I feel like if I hadn't gone to Black Tech Fests, if I hadn't put my intentions in the universe, gone to the event, I don't think I'd be sitting here saying this to you now. Because one of the questions I was confronted with a couple of weeks ago is where do you see yourself in terms of your career over the next three to five years? And I was stumped, I couldn't answer the question because I hadn't really thought about it. Um, I was just kind of, but I then I realised I've hit the two-year mark almost at work. So these questions should be coming, and I'm so glad it did come because it made me confront a few things. I discussed a couple of them in the podcast last week, but also understanding where I want to be in my career. Um, I'm now 41, I'm in my prime earning years of my career, my prime. So I want to honour that by ensuring I am where I need to be on the trajectory I need to be to obtain certain things by a certain time or at least within a certain frame. And you all know that I take my career really, really seriously. And when I come on here and I talk about how to navigate the world of work, it's all this ancillary stuff that's also really important in how you navigate. Are you asking yourselves the right questions? Are you being intentional? Are you being proactively intentional? Are you telling the universe and setting your intentions of what you want to achieve and what you want? How are you operating in that intention? How are you holding yourself accountable? Have you got your vision board? How are you using your vision board throughout the year? Because the vision board is for life, not just for Christmas. So how are you using using that vision board? Um, what are you refining in that vision board going into the following year? What haven't you been able to do that you could probably roll on to the following year and hold yourself accountable to achieving it? Are you setting yourself realistic goals? What do those goals look like? Why are you choosing those goals? That's the intention behind setting them. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, you know, I'm grateful I've seen great success in my career, but I know what success looks like, even more so now that I'm also wearing the hat of motherhood. And for me, my daughter comes first. So this chapter of my career called leadership is yet to be written, but I'm holding the pen. And this is why I say you are the architect of your career, because if you're waiting for your manager to lead you into it or to hold the pen, I just think it's a really slippery slope into nothing, and it's not taking charge. Part of taking charge is recognizing the role you play in making things happen in your career, and yeah, I mean, I say all this to say that you need to manifest your destiny. What impact do you want to have? And I think it's also about recognizing what isn't working, why, and what you are willing to do to either pivot, rectify, or move on. And I'm so glad that I get to share this because there is a serious side of navigating the world of work that requires you to have honest conversations with yourself and hold yourself accountable. You can't, no one can want more for you than you want for yourself. You've got to want more, whether it's in the world of work as an employee, as an entrepreneur, as a sole trader, business owner, whatever that looks like. But you have to stay motivated on what your goals are. So you have to be intentional in setting your goals. Something I really can't stand, I can't stand it, is vision board parties. I think I've said this before, but if I haven't, I'm saying it again. I'm or I'm saying it now, sorry. I think vision board parties are bullshit. Do you know how private vision board setting is? It's really private, it's not a party. What are you celebrating? You ain't sh done shit yet. What are you doing? Why are you having a fucking vision board party? Do you know how that god forgive me? I hate saying this, but I think it's dumb. I think it's so stupid. Because if you really understand the power of the tongue and the power of manifestation, if you really understand how intentions are set, vision board parties are counterintuitive to that. But do you know how private vision boards should be? That's you and the universe conversating about how you're setting your intentions. Why are you doing that in a party setting? The only person that sees my vision board, the only people that see my vision board is my husband and my daughter. Because they're part of my vision. No one else should lock eyes. It's spiritual at this point. So why some of you are doing these or attending these vision board parties, please explain to me. I understand. If you want a vision board party, take your vision board, put some music on, be at one with what you're doing, and have your party for one. Buy some balloons if you want to. What is it about us, especially within our community, that needs validation so bad that you don't even honour the privacy and the magnitude of manifesting and doing a vision board that you have to have a party set in and in order for you to feel like, yeah, I'm gonna do this. It's like having New Year's resolutions, bullshit. They only valid those New Year's resolutions until probably end of January, and then you're like, fuck, it's April. New Year's resolutions. I set some new ones in December. It's all nonsense. Fucking nonsense. I've lived my life being intentional. I had a friend and she actually described me as intentional. So you're really at the time, it wasn't even a she wouldn't even compliment me on the thing I was saying. She says, You're very intentional. And I wouldn't say yes. I'm glad you know it, see it, and receive it. I feel like we need to start taking our life serious, because I feel like a lot of you don't. If you know the power that you possess as an individual, because we all possess a level of power and you understand how the universe works and manifestation works. If you are spiritual enough or spiritually curious enough to understand the impact, you would treat it with the utmost respect. I don't even take pictures near my vision board. That's how much I honour it. Why would I set my intentions to the universe so everybody's oogly eyes can see it? You don't know how evil eye operates. I don't understand. So I'm saying this to say be mindful and be guided about what you set as your intentions, how you choose to navigate your career, and what tools you use to do it. Something I'm currently working on for Sister Scribble is a journal of intentions that is adjacent to a vision board because I've had to really look at kind of how I navigate work from a manifestation intention setting perspective, and I'm willing to share that blueprint. I already share the blueprint of the vision board. I've got it on a podcast episode very early on in the podcast episodes. You have to go and check it. I think it's like Vision Boards Art for Manifesting, something like that. It's in the title. So I already share how to build and create a vision board, but now I think I take it a step further with being intentional about how you hold yourself accountable and how you journal intention that should be operated in collaboration with your vision board because there's a lot of stuff that I do that I I've either said or implied, but I'm willing to share the blueprint of what I do, and it's worked for me. And I'm not saying it will work for you, but what I'm saying will work for you is to be intentional, however, it takes its form. I'm a massive Real Housewives fan. Atlanta, Salt Lake City, Orange County, sorta kind of Dubai, Real Housewives of London, which I'm really enjoying at the moment. And which other one do I watch? Real House was a Miami. It's really good. And obviously, Real House was a Potomac. Now, those of you who follow the franchise, I'm not even going to go into the detail of what it's about and who are the characters because I'm speaking to those of you who know. Wendy Asaffo and her husband have been charged with uh, I believe it's her husband's been charged with eight counts of fraud, and Wendy's been charged with seven counts, I believe. And that story broke at the beginning of the week. And I've got one of my lovely friends, my sister friends, I call her, Rose, and we always like have these conversations, and I love speaking to her because she always has like a very different perspective to me. We may agree on some things, we may not, but it's really nice having a conversation with her. And I sent her the article, and I was like very disappointed because I've spoken about Wendy or Sappho from the Real Houses of Potomac on the podcast, and she's an Igbo woman, and her husband is Ghanaian. I think. Yes, he is Ghanaian. Yeah, he's Ghanaian, and the dynamic of their relationship, and she always leads from a place of I'm educated, I'm educated, I'm educated. But she's a typical Ibo woman in that sense. Do you know what I mean? And something that made me really uncomfortable when I spoke on the podcast is the dynamic um and the dynamic of her relationship with her mum. I found it really, really triggering to watch and concerning because black tax was high, the black tax was present, and the black tax was aggressive. So that was really uncomfortable to watch how she kind of recoiled into this little child that and that whole relationship was so trauma-filled to me. But obviously, Wendy probably doesn't see it that way. But it was playing out, and I watched it and I thought, oh so I said to my friend Rose, I says, I wonder how much black tax plays a role in kind of what has been alleged. It's all alleged, they've just been charged and they will obviously stand trial for these allegations. But what I will say is, number one, this whole keeping up with the Joneses. I feel like there is like this I hate saying curse, but it's almost like this unsaid curse about the real house real housewives franchise, where you're almost thrusted into a lifestyle that you maybe have never committed to, and it's based on materialistic things, and it's based on riches and money and wealth, and how you're being assessed, and money and what someone's worth is always being thrown around in these franchises, if not kind of outwardly, it's always very much the undercurrent of a lot of the relationships, a lot of how people perceive you and engage with you, you know. And if you think about what a real housewife is, it is probably the stereotype of you marry a rich man or you're rich in your own right, but your husband's rich, and that forms the foundation and bedrock of being a housewife. But there's not many in the franchises that are conventional housewives, a lot of them are philanthropists or entrepreneurs, or they do have various careers, but it's laced in wealth, so I can definitely understand the psychology of keeping up with the Joneses, but doing it in a way that you don't have, so you're keeping up and you're compromising your integrity and selling your soul to keep up with the riches of everyone else, it's dangerous, and I wonder how much of that really played into kind of these fraud charges and it's insurance fraud. And it's I'm really sorry to say, but I know that you all will understand, neither of them have been very smart about how this has all transpired. And when I say smart about it, I mean the evidence is so easy to obtain that it would only ever be inferred that there was intent to defraud. Um, but we're waiting for like the full kind of trial to really understand what's happened here, but I don't I don't think you it'd be disingenuous to not kind of talk about the things that would contribute to such charges, right? I think Wendy and Eddie have a very interesting relationship. Something isn't right there, and the Real Housewives of Potomac, we're in the new season, so we are seeing things unfold and we're seeing highlights of future episodes that would lend itself to that school of thought. Um also, as well, I think one thing I'm always gonna say is when you lead in falsehood, you're always having to maintain that falsehood. And one thing I've always said is if I can't afford it, I can't have it. Simple. My husband says it to me all the time. That's number one. Number two, just because I I can afford it doesn't mean I need it. There is indulging, which I don't necessarily think there's anything wrong with that, but as long as you can afford and maintain, borrowing is not affording and maintaining. And one thing about me, I don't wear fake things. That's just my guiding principle of having nice things, and I don't criticize people who have fake things, I don't care, it's not my business. Be careful though, because in Europe, if they think something's fake, they can seize it from you. So make sure you you have to keep all your authentic and authentication cards with a lot of the products you got you buy, because like if you go to France, you're wearing a fake handbag and they know it's counterfeit, but it will be seized, you could be fined. So Europe are cracking down on that. But I guess for me personally, I just I want the real deal. So all this stuff that came out about being manufactured in China and it's like factories that manufacture Dior or whatever. So if you get something from that factory, is it really fake? It's all shit, it's all bullshit. You can't go back to the store if you buy something fake if it's faulty and ask them to repair it. That's not gonna fucking happen. So let's just get real with ourselves. And I can't stand it when people try to pass off fake goods as real goods, it's not fucking real. Stop being stupid. If you want to wear something fake, wear it with pride. Don't wear it to intent to deceive. You understand what I'm saying? Um, again, I don't judge people, have what you like, who cares? I just know what I like. Do you get what I'm saying? And equally, is that if you're if you if you like fake things and and that's how you choose to move, I think you should don't shame people who want to have the real thing, irrespective of whether you got it at a 50% discount because it's say factory. Some people want to pay the extra, some people like the authentication cards, some people like the actual experience and the exhilaration and the dopamine of going into those stores and buying those things. I know how I felt the other day when I walked into Saint Laurent and I bought something that I really liked, but I had saved for it. I know that feeling that kicked in. And whilst it may be short-lived for the duration of me purchasing and paying of taking it off the rack and paying, it's still something I wanted to do. But I feel like in relation to the franchises, there is a lot of shame around things that are not authentic. People being, you know, we've seen it in Real Housewives of Atlanta. I say all this to say Wendy O'Sappell has really ruined her market brand. She really has through these allegations, and they say innocent until proven guilty. But I wish she got in front of it. I wish she just kind of released a statement before it all came tumbling out, and she was on TMZ and a lot of the massive blog sites. I wish she had led with it and said, Yeah, you know, just owned it, because I think that would have cushioned the impact and the shock. Um, the university in which Wendy was um lecturing have basically said she's no longer an employee, which coincides with these fraud charges, so it doesn't look good. Um, she was supposed to be on House Swap, which is a House Swap, Wife Swap, which I believed was a Bravo production, and a lot of the Housewives alumni were in this series. Now they have postponed the release of it. Wendy Asaffa was supposed to be in it, and I assume took a really like prominent role. But the domino effect of these charges is affecting her brand, is affecting her money most definitely, and her credibility that she's worked so hard to obtain. And it's really sad when you see a black woman and her black family go through this, and we're waiting for the trial to see how this all unravels. But I think what was really quite quite telling is the sheriff, I assume it's the sheriff's office or the police department, did a whole press conference. And I just thought, is this what like standard happens in America, or is it because she is a she's in the public eye? Is it a form of a humiliation tactic? I don't know what this was, but there are some people who are on murdering sprees, and I've not seen press conferences done in America in the same magnitude that they did for Wendy Asaffra. So I don't know, are they trying to make a um an example of her? Is this racially motivated? Like, where is this coming from? So it's it's really weird, but it's watched this space, and I'm gonna be sharing my thoughts once we get to trial in terms of that of Wendy Asaffra and her husband. And you know, both of them on their mug shot look high as kites, and those of you who watch Real Housewives of Potomac know that Wendy's husband Eddie has a uh cannabis company called Happy Eddie, which apparently makes a lot of money, according to Wendy. But it looks like they were getting high on their own supply on their mug shots. I don't know what the fuck was going on, but it just it just looked it looked strange. It was either they know something we don't know, Wendy looked crazy in her mug shot, and I'm not saying she shouldn't look cute, but she shouldn't have looked crazy. Eddie looks like he just is high on his own supply, and this is a reason why they're in this situation because he is taking that's how it looked, all alleged, by the way. But this is I'm just saying it how it came across. So let's watch this space, let's see what happens. And those of you who do not watch the Royal Houses of Potomac, just start from the most recent season. Don't you have to go all the way back? Africa is doing bits and bobs. I feel like Captain Troy of Bukina Faso has really kind of set the tone of what African excellence is. And I had previously done an episode on um Burkina Faso, the Sahel um agreement accord, um, and I discussed kind of Burkina Faso's positioning and what they've reclaimed in terms of um the Western world and reclaiming their golden natural resources to benefit the people of their country as opposed to France, uh the UK and America. If you want me to be really honest with you, that's kind of what it is. But I I speak about Africa and I've spoken, you know, that episode if you guys really enjoyed it. The feedback was actually really, really good. So I encourage you to go back on those previous episodes and be educated, or at least if you are educated already and you understand, but just for information, some reference in it in this episode. But the current president of Ghana, John Mahama, he basically has called for the slave trade to be um recognized as the greatest crime um and for the UN to for the United Nations to um uh enforce reparations. He goes on to say that the transatlantic slave trade is the greatest crime against humanity. And what I really respect is it's taking an African leader to present this to the United Nations. What is understood need not be explained, but as black people, we are always explaining what they're always denying, and what they're always denying is the reality of what the transatlantic slave trade was, is, and still affects. And when you really understand your history of the slave trade and the transatlantic slave trade, the displacement and the deliberate displacement of black people through slavery, to understand the magnitude of that, it could only ever be considered as the greatest crime against humanity. What what our ancestors endured I mean the museums can't even capture it in artifacts. And I'm so proud of the president of Ghana for taking this United Nations on the world stage and confronting the former colonies, uh colonizers and the former oppressors of what they chose to do. Bearing in mind that uh when they abolished slavery, certain governments, certain countries paid slave owners for their losses as a direct result of the abolition of slavery. Do you know how fucking crazy that is? If you've abolished slavery, you recognize the impact in it, it's wrong. Why are you paying say slave masters for their losses because they no longer have slaves? Do you know how fucking crazy that sounds? That's mad. That's like repaying a robber for returning what they stole, but because they're out of pocket because they've had to return it, then the government's gonna pay them money. That's mad. But we're talking about the slavery of human beings because of their race. Do you know how crazy that is? I don't even think reparations is enough. I think it's a step in the right direction. I don't think it's enough. I think there needs to be admittance. There they need and and the UK will say we would we've admitted it, but no. I think listen, I did the 23andMe, and I found out 23andMe confirmed I was Ibo Nigerian. It it went into a lot of detail. It also had that I was 1% Jamaican, and I remember saying to my husband, I says, That's the transatlantic slavery right there. That that's it, that's that 1% right there. Because where's the 1% come from? And don't get me wrong at all, I honour every part of me, I honour my Jamaican side. I am an honorary Jamaican. Those of you who have embraced and accepted me, like na long ting. We are no Mefajamika, okay. That one percent of a count for something, but my heart and my soul will always be Nigerian. But you see the 1% there, me acknowledge it, me honour it, but we know where it comes from. Who don't try me? North London, born and raised. But yeah, I mean, yeah, when I was reading that article uh about the president of Ghana and kind of it it also reinforced what's happening in Africa, this shift, this awakening that's happening, and it's it's causing countries like France to be very uncomfortable. The French franc has been removed as currency in Burkina Faso, I believe. We're saying, no, no, no, no, no. You want to buy our gold, we set our tariffs, you pay taxes. You don't want to do that, we're not selling to you. And it's interesting, isn't it? Because Burkina Faso is not the biggest country, but it has a lot of influence because of its natural resources. Imagine if Africa just woke up, just one day just fucking woke up and realized the riches that Africa possesses that causes other countries to function and we re-recognize. Imagine Africa recognizes its power, it would be a global superpower in its own right. But we're still enslaved. They're still enslaved, and this is why, like Nigeria. Sometimes I'm so ashamed of Nigeria, the leaders of Nigeria, I'm so ashamed, I'm not ashamed of where I come from, but a lot of the leaders, I'm very ashamed of them because the way they kiss European ass is crazy. Who needs who here? Do you know what I mean? And the worst part of it is they will attempt, the West will attempt to use one of our own to subsidiate, to break, to pull down countries like Burkina Faso who want liberation in its totality. To be truly free is to reclaim ownership of what belongs to us. How can you come back into the country you colonize to steal again? You don't want to pay the tariffs, you don't want to do this, you know, and then what you do is you set up shop and then tell us how we should be living in a country that we are meant to be free in. To be truly free is to reclaim, to confirm with the world this is what we own, these are our natural resources in Africa. There's a reason why we have these natural resources and say this is a consider uh the conditions in which we're gonna operate. But no, until we truly, I feel liberate ourselves by liberating our minds, we're never truly gonna have control over what is it, what is considered ours in Africa. In pop culture news, Drake's uh defamation lawsuit against UMG over Kendrick Lamar's Not Like Us. The this song, the judge tosses the defamation case out. Um where basically Kendrick Lamar said certified paedophile bar. Um, according to the judge in the case, this line and this bar is an opinion and not classified as defamation. So if you recall, Drake took legal action against UMG for releasing and promoting Kendrick Lamar's diss track, where he referred to Drake as a paedophile. Drake claimed that Um G was aware Lamar's um statements were false and defamatory, but still decided to financially back the track. While dismissing the lawsuit, the presiding judge stated, even accusations of criminal behaviour are not actionable if understood in context. They are opinion rather than fact. In other words, the claims are part of a rap diss track, not a factual news report, so a common person wouldn't mistake them as fact. The court also mentioned that Kendrick's paedophile line was a clapback in response to a bar from Drake's tailor-made freestyle. So I spoke about this whole not like us. I think I even had an episode called Not Like Us. And obviously, defamation lawsuits work slightly different in the UK in terms of kind of the law that underpins it, but the premise of of it is the same as in the UK. Um, I think a raptor Drake's whole lawsuit was screaming, hurt little mummy's boy. That that's what you can't you cannot get in the ring, throw punches, and then go to complain to the referee when someone swings back in response. That doesn't make any sense, Drake. What the fuck is that? And there were so many things that were swirling in the media about privilege and him kind of culture vulturing and not understanding how rap operates and tiptoeing and sorry, tap dancing around our uh, you know, the culture that is black culture, Drake is mixed race, and people are basically saying, you know, Drake picks and chooses when to affirm his black side, and when it doesn't work for him, then he uses his white privilege to assert his authority and dominance. And I actually agree. Now, Drake is talented in his own right, he has given us tracks, honey. He has given us core memory soundtracks. However, I think more than anything, Drake craves acceptance. I genuinely think he craves acceptance from the black community. But the way he was pursuing it was mad. Like, I read an article somewhere going, a defamation lawsuit over this diss track is equivalent to dry snitching. And I get where the person was coming from because if you really understand the origins of rap and rap battles, as my husband educated me, and growing up in North London, which is like the heart of rap battle central in the UK, you cannot then sue the record company Drake. What the fuck? The way they dragged Drake, the dragging of the Drake was crazy, but it's the equivalent in the workplace of a colleague who wants to tattletale on everyone and wants to send back news to the boss, gets caught, and then someone outs their behavior to the rest of the team, then that same colleague goes to HR and pleads bullying. Like, what the fuck?

unknown:

Like what the fuck?

SPEAKER_01:

How that is? How'd you get there? How'd you conclude that? I don't think Drake's reputation will ever will ever be the same. Because in music and in a rap battle and a rap diss track, you don't do that. You didn't see Tupac trying to sue notorious BIG, motherfucker. You didn't see that shit? Like what the fuck? I don't understand. Honestly, I don't. And to truly appreciate music, the origins of rap, Drake Drake come out like looking like a sissy. And it's not necessarily that he lost the battle, it's how he dealt with the loss. Whereas if everybody was like, Yeah, Drake, this is you, I don't think he would have sued Kendrick. But I think his ego proceeded to take it to the cart ducket. It went to the liar's head, liar, for sue him. For him need to know I am the boss. But in a word like that, Drake, because at the end of the day, come say this is music. If you're not do it, if you're not one for do it, retire. Cause this is a lung for you. Just peeking out, peeking out. How's my accent? How y'all find it? Yes, that's my one percent Jamaican. I claim it, I embrace it. But yeah, so anyway, the the the judge is throwing out um Drake's lawsuit. I don't know if he's gonna appeal. I'm praying that he doesn't. Like, please, somebody speak to his ego, honey. Because the way he is honouring his ego and he is dishonoring his his reputation amongst kind of rap legends is crazy, and the industry are not receiving his behaviour. And I just want I want better for Drake. I want Drake to do better. So PDD's long-awaited sentencing, he was sentenced to four years in prison for the lesser charge of um, I can't remember the charges, but the whole um case uh in which Cassie was the star witness. I can't remember all the charges I have spoken about in a previous episode. I apologize. Um, Jake was uh PDD was sentenced to four years, and they tried to actually get him out on bail to await his sentence in the judge refused. I could have told you the judge would have refused. He couldn't even get bail at the start of all of this because of witness alleged witness tampering, and they you know believed that he would continue to manipulate the the trial or the the pending trial at the time by influencing witnesses, so he was refused bail on more than one occasion. So to think that when he's awaiting sentencing that would grant him bail is crazy. And I knew that weren't gonna happen, but yeah, he was sentenced for four years, and um he got character witnesses, um, and one of them was Carisha. I can't remember what her stage name is now, but I just think that was all crazy, you know. That was kind of crazy, but yes, four years. Um I don't think I thought he would get longer. I don't think four years kind of is enough, if I'm honest. Even though he was charged with the lesser counts in his sex trafficking case, at the end of the day, he was found guilty of some offences, even if it was a lesser. Now he could have got a maximum of I believe 12 years, so four isn't you know deemed as significant. Um, the prosecution was going for more, of course. Um, so yeah, I don't know if Didi's is appealing, but that concludes that case and his four years. I think time served is what less than a year. I think it's like nine months. I don't think it's a full year for Time Served, either way, he's out between three to four years, so so yeah. Keeping on the whole pop culture theme, how many of you saw the back and forth between Cardi B and Nicki Minaj? Now, I'm I'm not a massive Nicki Minaj fan. I appreciate her talent and I appreciate her as a black woman in her performances, in her characterisation of her performances and actually her natural gifted talent. I appreciate her. She's problematic though, 100%. She's not a girl's girl, or at least she doesn't appear to be a girl's girl. Cardi B is problematic too. Let's let's not forget the comments that she has made about black women, and I never understand Cardi B because I believe she's half Trinidadian and half, I believe, Dominican. I can't remember, but I know she's Latin American or half Latin American. But the point is that her child's fat her children's father and her ex-husband is black. Her children are half black. So the things that she has said in the past and apparently has said allegedly, recently allegedly, is really troubling. And I'm saying this as somebody who's always really admired Cardi B for her just for her realness and her ability to just always show up as herself. I really um admire Cardi B's story in terms of like she started on loving hip-hop, in terms of being catapulted to the centre stage of um fame, and how she's managed to navigate her her way through her career and be really successful, but I can't ignore the very problematic things she said about black women, and obviously allegedly, because I never saw her say them, but it has been confirmed in the blogs and that she has said these things. As a fellow Libran as well, I definitely understand Cardi and the things she says and why she says them. She had a recent interview with Jay Shetty, and every time I try and listen to her, I always get distracted, but I can say it was a very informative interview, and I think it really showcased who Cardi is, and you have to come to respect her hustle. I think the problem we have is the alleged um things that she said about black women that I just don't understand it, and I would have loved for her to speak on it because more than anything, whilst she doesn't consider herself allegedly as a black woman, her children are half black, so I think from that perspective she should have addressed it. But the beef between Nicki Minaj and Cardi B got really dark and they started talking about each other's children. But what I didn't realise is when Nicki Minaj was referring to Cardi B's daughter as a monkey, it's because allegedly Cardi B has referred to black women as monkeys, but it doesn't make it right because for me I feel like children are off limits, and why we have to go to the gutter to drag something, I just don't understand. But children should be honoured and respected enough to be off limits, and Nikki introduced Cardi B's children into the chat unnecessarily, I feel like. Nikki could have handled Cardi without having to do all of that, and it really then had everyone questioning how rational in mind Nikki really was behind the keyboard. And what is disappointing is Nikki Minaj, in her own right, is considered an icon, and that was an iconic behaviour. And in my head, I'm just like, Nikki, why? Why? Because it was given jealousy because Cardi B just released her second debut album, and all that did is give Cardi B free marketing for her album, in which I believe is gone platinum. So, Nikki, we're gonna have to really think about this marketing strategy. And Mariah Carey has always said that Nikki Minaj is very problematic, and to be fair, everything Mariah Carey has said about Nikki in the past when they were hosting um what were they hosting? Oh, that music show I can't remember now. It's off my head. But when they went to host and her and Nikki just never really got on, and Mariah, one thing about Mariah, she's gonna check you, boo. She's gonna check you, drag you. She's coming for you. And she never had anything positive to say about Nikki. And to be honest, the way Nikki goes on, it's giving dark, it's it's it's giving negative, and it's giving problematic as well. I wanna shout out Ayo Adiberry, um, as Chanel named her the new brand ambassador for Chanel. Huh, giving Black Queen. This is Black History Month. If you haven't already worked that out, it's October here in the UK. February is Black History Month in the US, but um also as well, oh my god, how can I forget this? Right. So, talking about Black History, um, Black History Month, I need to share with you an exhibition that I went to see on Sunday with my daughter and my husband and our friends Bimpei and Jimmy, and it's the Nigerian Modernism at the Tate Modern, and it runs from the 8th of October 2025 to the 10th of May 2026. So you don't have an excuse. It's running for October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May. It's running for seven months, so you need to get your ass down there. It is amazing. The artwork um speaks um to um colonialism, post-colonialism. Um, it speaks of art and kind of the messaging within art as a result of the Biafra War as well. And you have artists who are from different tribes, the Ibo, Yoruba, Alsa tribe, as many, as well as many other tribes as well. And honestly, the art is amazing, and it there's so many different pieces, and you will find something that you connect with wholeheartedly. Um, I think what I found really interesting about the pieces is just the creativity. And when I think of art, I haven't always thought of Nigeria, but it's because art is not really pushed as much here in the UK. So, to have um this exhibition of Nigerian modernism, I definitely think it's worth going to have a look, going to experience and really embrace and embody a lot of the progressive art um that um has been created for this exhibition. My daughter enjoyed it, she's two years old, she had a great time. Obviously, my daughter's half Nigerian, I'm Nigerian, um, and she's quarter Tanzanian and quarter Kenyan. So for me, this was an opportunity for my daughter to kind of um you know be acquainted with her roots and around Nigerian um art culture. So it was really, really good. I definitely would really recommend it. So if you are looking for going on a day or as a solo trip or family trip or just a really nice day out, um definitely get yourself to the tape modern Nigerian modernism. So I'm gonna draw this episode to a close. I just wanted to kind of ease back in again after having a week off. But of course, we're gonna be back next week. And there's a couple of things I didn't get an opportunity to cover in this episode. I definitely will cover in next week's episode. And those of you who um recall, I mentioned that I'm launching my own stationery company called Sister Scribble. Um, find me on um social media sisterscribble.com is the website it will be launching very, very, very imminently. And also on Instagram, Sister Scribble, it's all on there. And the first collection is called the Origins Collection that will be dropping. I'm so super excited for it. We're gonna start off with notebooks, we're gonna move towards journals and all other types of stationary goodness, and I'm so excited to kind of introduce stationary that is informative, it's exciting, it's motivational, but it encourages creativity from the perspective of those of us who haven't always been encouraged to really tap into that creativity through stationary. Typically, stationary is boring, um, and what Sister Scribble stands for is the encouragement and the um the conviction to enjoy basking and indulge in creativity in different forms, however it takes, through Sister Scribble. Sister Scribble represents everybody and anyone who understands and wants to lean into any form of creativity. Creativity is not about drawing or being an artist, it's actually tapping into the natural creative juices that live inside of you through um stationery that makes sense. So, watch out for that. There will be an announcement on the sister scribble Instagram page. So Sister S-I-S-T-A-H scribble s-c r I B B L E. And the website will be launching soon, and we'll be launching our first collection, which I'm super excited for. So make sure you stay tuned for that. Thank you so much for listening to the episode. Hope you've enjoyed it. And you know, we this was like wet in our feet. We're back to regular programming next week. And I hope you learned something from this episode. Share it with your friends, share it in the group chat. Let's have a conversation about one of the topics that was raised here on the podcast. Obviously, you know, I'm on all the uh major podcast platforms. Leave a comment, rate the podcast, because it does really help me in terms of ranking, in terms of opportunities. Um, I have a lot of brands that reach out to me in PR companies, um, but it gives me visibility and allows people who are not aware of the podcast to find it, to be curious enough, to listen, be educated and learn. Because what that's what we're all about here on the podcast is learning and creating a safe space to learn as we navigate the world of work and highlight the path of our success. This is what the podcast is for. And it's obviously, I say this all the time: you don't have to be in the corporate world, you just need to be in the working world. And whilst I center black women first, then all women, this podcast is also for everyone. So make sure you follow me on social media. My handle for the Toy Talks podcast is Toya underscore talks, my personal Instagram page, which is private, so I am selective on who I accept, is Toya Washington, Toya underscore Washington. I'm also on TikTok, Toya underscore talks. Oh no, Toya underscore Washington on TikTok, sorry. And if you have a work-related dilemma, your anonymity will be protected. In the subject box, just write dilemma. Be specific. What is the issue? What are you hoping to achieve? What is your target state? What's the utopia? What is the aim that you're trying to achieve? And we will address it here on the podcast and of course maintain your anonymity. Hello at toytalks.com. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate you all. My name is Toy Washington, and you have been listening to the Toy Talks podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

T-O-I-L, let me show you how to navigate and elevate. That's what we do. Black Queen, energy growth, no fantasy, just real talk. From classroom into board room walk. Black woman, our watching chime. Oh, every step is what we don't. Not just the five-in, but drive in wall. Open it every closed door. Oye, talk. Oye, stop. Oye, stop. Black wings, the top of the still goes.