The New Skills Economy

Power is shifting, and the cracks are showing. We open with a stark look at UK politics and ask why half of Conservative members still reject a Black woman leading then widen the lens to the monarchy’s legitimacy crisis and Sarkozy’s prison sentence for conspiracy, drawing a blunt line between optics, accountability, and who is allowed to hold power without question. From crown jewels to courtrooms, we trace how status shields certain people until it doesn’t, and how public institutions try to survive by sacrificing titles instead of tackling culture.

Then we bring it home to work. The “bonfire of the middle managers” is real: companies are delayering to move faster, often leaning on AI while burying staff in needless approvals. We break down when middle management is essential and when it becomes a wall. If you’re stuck behind layers, you’ll get practical questions to ask at interview and inside your team to test whether a structure enables delivery or protects turf.

Soft skills are having a moment, but too often they’re measured as vibes, not behaviours. We dig into how bias especially for Black women turns “be collaborative” into “be palatable,” and we reset the definition with tangible, observable actions: stakeholder updates, expectation setting, de‑escalation, influence without authority. We also confront maternal bias with facts and tactics, from evidencing workload allocation to securing written promotion criteria. If you’ve felt your opportunities shrink after motherhood, you’re not imagining it and you’re not powerless.

A powerful listener dilemma anchors the episode: a high performer facing ADHD burnout, extreme hours, and stalled pay. We offer scripts and steps to protect health and momentum: formal neurodiversity disclosure, occupational health adjustments, medical time off to reset, and a targeted job search focused on real flexibility and fair measurement. Ambition isn’t the problem; the design is. Map the gatekeepers, track outcomes, and be ready to change the room if the pattern won’t change.

Stay to the end for a candid riff on envy, boundaries, and guarding your joy as you grow. If this resonates, follow, share with a friend who needs a nudge, and leave a review—it helps more people find the tools to navigate and elevate.

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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star

• Stationary Company: Sistah Scribble
• Instagram: @sistahscribble
• Website: www.sistahscribble.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Cosmic Shift And New Beginnings
• 3:04 Sister Scribble Launch Plans
• 4:11 Tory Polls And Kemi Badenoch
• 11:20 Monarchy, Epstein, And Public Trust
• 15:20 France, Sarkozy, And Corruption
• 21:20 Louvre Heist And Lupin Musings
• 23:52 The Bonfire Of Middle Managers
• 34:05 Soft Skills, Bias, And Masking
• 45:02 Maternal Bias And Career Penalties
• 59:00 Career Stagnation And Self-Advocacy
• 1:05:25 Listener Dilemma: Burnout And ADHD
• 1:18:40 Boundaries, Flexibility, And Next Moves
• 1:27:20 Jealousy, Success, And Protecting Peace
• 1:31:20 Community, Purpose, And Gratitude

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

Conservative Party members have voted, and 50% of them do not want Kemi Bedenault to lead the party in the next general election. She sold her soul, and yet they still do not want her. Candice Owens has been denied a Australian visa by the country's highest court. The court ruled that the Conservative speaker failed a character test to enter into Australia. They have also cited that her history of extremist and inflammatory comments targeting Muslims, black people, and Jewish people and the LGBTQIA plus communities could increase community tensions and potentially incite hostility or violence. And soft skills are making a comeback as being one of the leading reasons why you will be successful in your career. Hey everyone, I'm Toya Washington, and you have stepped into the Toy Talks podcast.

SPEAKER_00: 0:56

Toy and talks, Council of States, a corporate space, first generator setting taste from gold and stocks to PWC. Building legacies for all to see. This lecture couldn't stop this flow. Lord degree, just watch me grow. Masters of the game we show. Every sister how to own their throat. Let me show you how to get an elevate, that's what we do.

SPEAKER_01: 1:25

Welcome everyone to this week's episode of the Toy Talks podcast. I'm really excited today to deliver this episode just because there's so many different topics I want to talk about, and I'm hoping that we get through all of them. Um but the last week has been crazy. There has been a cosmic shift, and honestly, I have felt it. There has been just a roller coaster of emotions. Um, but when I say roller coaster, it hasn't been a bad thing. It's just as a Libran and being in Libra season further perpetuates the reason why we're the scales in the zodiac and we require balance. Um, generally, Librons like balance, and even if the scales are tipped slightly, that slight is massive. And I'm definitely feeling that you all know I'm very spiritual and I'm very into kind of like tarot and spirituality, star science. I really, you know, for me, I take it back to spirituality in Africa before colonization and the erasure of black history, specifically African history. And for me, I take my spirituality very seriously. So the last week has been tumultuous. But my dad always used to say when something great is about to happen in someone's life, there is a there is almost like a a shift that happens, and it's almost like you're being pulled in different directions, and even the devil wants to have a swipe. So I definitely know something great is about to happen or great things are about to happen, but damn, damn, and my ADHD has been hmm, it's just been a very mad, okay. Um, so yeah, I'm kind of dealing with all that, and then I am literally within days about to launch um my new company called Sister Scribble, which is a um stationary company, but reimagined stationary, like stationary to encourage us to really lean into our creativity, enjoy the art of creating. Um, but all that information will be on the website when it launches, literally within a matter of days. So make sure you follow on Instagram uh sisterscribble S-I-S-T-A-H scribble s c R I B B L E. So Sister Scribble, um, all one word um on social media. And um, those of you who have already signed up to be the first to know that the website has launched, you literally go on www.sisterscribble.com, put in your email address, and once the website launches, you'll receive an email. I will say whatever day is announced, it would be the time would be midday in which it would launch. Um, and it's literally within days away. I just need to focus. I've got a couple of things I need to do for the website, and once they're done, I'll be good to go. So I'm very excited. So you heard the opener of the podcast, you're probably thinking, what conservative members, what vote, when did this happen? So within um actual parties within the UK, they do run polls, and it's basically to see if the party actually supports their leader. It's sense checking that if we were to go into a general election, that everybody in the party will support who that leader is. And bear in mind that the leader of the Conservative Party have been also voted by their Conservative peers. Um, I've said this previously on the podcast before. I was not surprised to hear this because I've told you all that Kemi Bedenock will never, ever be in a situation where she has the Conservative Party vote to lead in the next election and potentially be the Prime Minister of the UK. The UK is not ready for a black woman to lead. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. The closest they are to for a person of colour to lead was Rishi Sunak. And let's be very real, he was not elected um in the way everybody else was. It was by default. That's how he got that position. Liz Trust paved the way for him. He was not the first choice. When when they went up against each other, um when they went up against each other in um the in party elections, they the party chose Liz Trust. They did not choose Rishi Sunak. So I definitely think it's very telling that although they're very different parties, the Conservatives and the the Labour Party, albeit the way the Labour Party operates these days, it is literally um conservatives in in in suits. But the point is, I think this goes to show how really far behind the UK is in pushing through diversity in what we understand it to be, the UK is just not ready for a black woman to lead it. And I think until this country gets to a space where we accept that number one, that racism exists, because remember, Rishi Sunak up until recently did not agree that it was alive and kicking here in the UK. And number two, until we're really honest about the disparity in um the way we're treated, um from a pay perspective, and there were so many issues that sit in uh beneath that, and until we are really ready to have honest and frank conversation, I don't ever see a black person, less so a black woman, leading as prime minister here in the UK. And I don't think I'm gonna see it in my generation, to be honest. I don't, um, unfortunately, but fortunately for us to see this and witness this, Kemi Bedanock has sold her soul. And I have I don't think there's any issue that she's married and she's you know happily, you know, has kids and married to a white man. I don't think there's an issue, but I think the issue is where she operates from a space whereby it's all it comes across as though she resents being a black woman, she's very, very honest about how she feels, and I say honest because this is her truth, and the things that she has shared and the things that she has said, it doesn't lead one to believe that she's very um proud of herself. She's near enough denounced being Nigerian and she operates like there was this video where she was singing Sweet Caroline, and it was just so uncomfortable to watch. First of all, I was looking at the corners of her lips because I wanted to know where where are we in this? Like which part of the day are we at? Is your lunch and your breakfast in the corner of your lips? Like, where are we? And ever since I've seen that dirt on the corner of her lips, I now know for a fact her breath stinks. You can't have that on the corner of your lips and your breath not stinking. But the thing is, the things that she spews come from within, so I feel like her gut health is probably not good either. But that's just my view. Um but Kemi Badinock to me will always like every time she speaks to just shake my head. And don't get me wrong, I'm not sitting here saying that you know she should fully advocate for black women. I'm not trying to tell anybody what to do, but to almost denounce and to almost reduce your existence as and reduce yourself so that you can be accepted by a community that sees you as a black woman even if you do not, is actually really, really sad. And the example it sets to others is of self-hate because that's how it comes across. Kemi Bedanock is trying her hardest to assimilate, but we can all see her, and she can see herself, and she looks stupid. And I just wonder like, does she not have friends around her? Like, what? But then I think if all her friends are white, are they really or all her or she has friends who are like her who are black, but are they really operating in their blackness? Then is it any wonder that she kind of behaves the way she does? Um, it's uncomfortable. And I don't know, do we all know somebody who's a little bit like Kemi Bedanock? I did. I went to school with someone who's very similar to her, and back then I just thought she just has a chip on her shoulder. But actually, that chip was self-hate. And anytime I would try to like bond with this person over the fact that we were both Nigerians, the way she would distance herself from being Nigerian, down to her explaining to me she does not have a Nigerian passport. And I was like, Well, you don't need a Nigerian passport to be Nigerian, it kind of has something to do with your lineage, something to do with your parents, darling. At least both of your parents are Nigerian. You know, it was very odd, and even like how she this this old school friend of mine, well, I say school friend, the school acquaintance, because let's really be real, that's no friend of mine as she's gone on and led her life. It it gives me Kemi Badanock vibes. Do you know what I mean? And this is not me like talking down on Kemi Bedanock. This is me just being really honest. As a black woman, I don't see her as somebody who is definitely she's not an ally, but I don't see her like you know, like when you see a black woman, you're like, oh, a black woman, I know you've been through a lot. I look at her as somebody who self-hates so much that to call her black, she may be offended. You know what I mean? So I I don't know what to say on her, but please, if you are, you know, just give Kemi Burden a cutition, just tell her to be checking the corners of her lips, buy a pocket mirror, be checking and to sort out that gut health so that the breath will not smell in accordance to the tunes on the corner of her lips. God forgive me. Um, France, there's a lot going on. Listen, I talk about this cosmic shift that's happened in the world, but I don't know what it is. Like, it definitely feels like there's a political change in climate. Um, we're seeing here in the UK, for example, um, the monarchy, who I do not support, do not agree with, I don't advocate for the monarchy. I think the monarchy is antiquated, and I don't understand why we have a monarchy, but that's a podcast episode for another day. But um, the whole Epstein case will never die, and I'm so grateful that it never will die because I feel like the press would rather it did, because a lot of the press are kind of monarchy apologists, let's really be real. But in saying that, um, a lot of people who are central to this Epstein case have died mysterious circumstances, and that is not me being a conspiracy theorist, that's me questioning why is it when there's something big where we need witnesses, either they commit suicide or like they die of natural causes, natural inverted commas. It's just giving very weird. Anyway, um, the former Duke of York, which is Prince Andrew, has basically had his title stripped from him. And it is an unprecedented move, but it is a move that is not only very welcome, but it speaks to the like the whole monarchy climate here in the UK. And I just want people to know, especially if you're overseas, they don't have as much support as they once did the monarchy, because the monarchy has not only just changed, but I think with what's happened with with the case of Epstein, has shone a really bright light on the goings-on in the monarchy, albeit Prince Andrew, and how title and entitlement and elitism has basically allowed Prince Andrew to, well, I say Prince, their Prince Andrew, to operate in the way it has been alleged that he has. And I think the monarchy have had no choice but to basically renounce his dukedism, if that's a word, because the climate is changing and the tide is turning, and the monarchy understands that in order for them to at least get in front of what is happening, they need to be seen to be condemning Prince Andrew, their Prince Andrew, and in doing so, stripping him and basically like almost like they've stripped him and said, You will you will have wear what you were born with, i.e., you can keep your prince because you were born a prince, but everything else that you were not born with, we are taking from you. But the monarchy has a lot of has a very interesting and very colourful history. So when we talk about the allegations against Prince Andrew, we do have to question some of the choices that the monarchy have made. Like, for example, how old was Princess Diana when she met the current reigning king of England who who is Prince Charles? Or sorry, he's not Prince anymore, he's King Charles, isn't he? How old? There are so many rumours swirling around about alleged affairs. Well, the current king Charles, he's weren't alleged. He has he self-admits that he had an affair with Camilla, who is now queen. It is just a fucking mess. And yet we pay so much in taxes for a monarchy that we haven't asked for. And I actually think that if it was to go to a vote, I don't think as patriotic as this country behaves with their England flags, I don't actually think they would vote in support of having a monarchy. I don't I don't see it because I think the question will be asked: how does it benefit us? What does uh having a monarchy do? And to be quite honest, for me, the monarchy symbolizes um colonialism and it symbolizes um the pillaging and the oppression of Africa. That's what the monarchy symbolizes to me. I would love to know what the monarchy symbolizes to you. So wherever you listen to this podcast, can you please tell me? Because I know you guys can leave comments on Spotify, on Apple Podcasts, and most podcast platforms, but can you please tell me what does the monarchy mean to you? Because listen, I want to hear. Because maybe I am just I maybe I just read too much and therefore I, you know, I'm I'm definitely like, you know, when it comes to culture, when it comes to understanding of my my lineage and my heritage, I really do understand and I do understand the role of um the British Empire. So for me, there is it it's incompatible with my beliefs, the monarchy, it's completely incompatible. But maybe there's somebody who is more of a monarchy apologist. So I want to hear from you. I'm open, I always want to learn, but not learn because I'm not taking any of it in. But I always want to know what people think outside of my my own self because I would love to then question where do these beliefs come from and actually understand how you feel you're benefiting because you ain't gonna be united, you're not gonna be invited to Buckingham Palace, and you're sure as hell ain't gonna eat no crumb pits with them. So I want to I want to know what the monarchy means to you. So I went off slightly on a tangent, but I was talking about France. France is a very problematic, historically a very problematic country. So for me, I definitely believe they've sown the seeds of karma historically, and as time is progressing, they they are they are reaping what they have sown. If you understand how the British Empire operated with its allies and the things that its allies, if you like, because of allies, France would be considered one of the Britain's allies, and the role they've played um in the subjugation of Africa. Um I don't even want to get into it because that there was a particular thing that happened with France, and I just cannot, I hate even thinking about it. But anyway, um, so the former Prime Minister of France, Nicolas Sarkozy, I remember when he was presiding over France. Because I always used to remember, you know, you always they always used to call him Sarkozy Sarkozy. So it's just a name that I would I would remember. But basically, today he started his five-year sentence for criminal conspiracy for his role in 2007 during his presidential campaign, taking money and his campaign being financed by Libya under the rule of um Colonel Gaddafi in exchange for diplomatic favours. And Sarkozy has claimed his innocence throughout, you know, the investigation and the trial, but he was sentenced to five years. And that's kind of a big thing. If you imagine such an influential country, an influent influential prime minister that Sarkozy was, he's now been sentenced to five years in prison. He is going to serve time for conspiracy. They'll have you believe that the you know, Africa, oh my god, they're so corrupt. But let me tell you, if there isn't if there are countries that are corrupt, if not equal to or more than, we need to be looking at Europe because a lot of these countries taught Africa what they know, as far as I'm concerned. Now, in order to sentence a former Prime Minister of France, the evidence must have been overwhelming. But what evidence is actually missing is the testimony of Colonel Gaddafi because he's dead, and we all know how he came to meet his end, and we all know the role, allegedly, that France played. So it's interesting because then it throws up other questions. How many other countries or how many other former presidents and how many other presidential elections internationally internationally were financed by Libya? That's a big question, isn't it? That's a question in that they won't teach in the his in your history lessons. That's a big question because I fail to see how it could it could only ever be France and Sarkozy's presidential election campaign that was financed by Libya. But the question is, it was fine and allegedly, what's alleged, whatever. Um it was finance, but then why was Libya's money good enough then? What was going on in 2007? What other things what other people were taking money from Libya? So many questions, not enough answers. Steph London, yeah, we're moving on. Steph London has launched her beauty line called Don. Is it called Don Beauty? She's launched her perfume, and honestly, I'm gonna say this because it's just like I really rate Steph London in terms of her talent. She's a very, very, very, very, very talented woman. She's very talented. Honestly, like you know me, I'm gonna give it to you straight. But I just don't understand her marketing, I don't understand kind of I just don't get it. Do you know what I mean? I th short of the whole relationship with Burner Boy, I don't know. And this now um beauty line just looks cheap, cheaply done, cheap campaign, and for all everything I've seen, she has money, so she could have really like had a team and everything. And I don't think she should have gone down the beauty route. Personally, I don't look at her and think, oh, I want to know what you're wearing, what perfume you're wearing. No, it's boring. I think maybe I don't know, maybe maybe yes, I get it. You you everyone needs a side hustle, but I don't I don't think that's the hill that she wants to spray her perfume on, honestly. Um, also, let's jump back to France. Sorry, I'm jumping, but that's my ADHD brain. Um, also, we have a dilemma as well, you know. I had a couple, but there's one in particular that I'm bringing to the podcast, and we're gonna get into that. Obviously, anonymity will be protected. But did you know that they had royal jewels at the Louvre in France? Now, the Louvre is like uh tourist attraction, it's like a thing, okay? Whatever. And basically, these robbers, apparently, there was four of them, broke into the Louvre and within seven minutes stole stole some royal jewels, and now there is a manhunt, men hunt, manhunting, because there's four of them, and the French um authorities are literally they are day and night to track this down. And I'm really interested in this because I want to know. I don't understand who's stolen these royal jewels. What are you gonna do with them? Because no one's gonna buy them. Everybody knows they're stolen. No one wants to be charged with handling stolen goods. Hello? So I don't understand this. What's the plan? So, unless they get captured, we're not really gonna know. I've got so many questions. I find stuff like this interesting, also as well. I love lupin. Yeah, I've gone there, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lupin on Netflix, if you haven't watched it, you need to get to watch it. It's a series, it's absolutely brilliant, and it's basically about a guy. Um, he's a black man, I can't remember his name, his real name, but he's absolutely gorgeous, and he basically is a thief, and he kind of steals from these really like difficult places, and you know, there's a basic storyline behind it all, but Lupin bases the character is based on a book and how elusive this thief is, and how he can get in and out and kind of mask himself um to steal all these things, and it's actually brilliantly written, brilliantly acted. And honestly, when I think about the theft of crown jewels, I do think of Lupin. I'm not gonna lie. So if you haven't watched that, go ahead and watch Lupin on Netflix. I'm so jealous for those people I say jealous, but I am a series hoarder. You know, I hoard, I really watch. So those people who haven't watched Lupin, you're in for a treat because it's actually great viewing. And I definitely find that autumn is a really good season for series. It's just nice. I think as we walk into winter, it's just nice, it's chill. You want to be at home and be comfy and watch all these programs. So, so yeah, anyway, Lupin, the Louvre, France in a mess. Have you heard about this new phrase called the bonfire of the middle managers? Now I'm gonna explain it. So, so the bonfire of the middle managers is about delayering of middle managers, middle management um in most companies. Um, and it's to remove like bureaucratic layers, reducing costs, and improve the speed of communication and decision making. Um, we've seen like from an economic perspective and tech pressures and the advances in tech, whereby the question of whether you need middle management has like been sounding really loudly. So, what they've basically said is you cut middle managers and you know that your major spend is people. So, already in terms of headcount, you've cut that when you remove the layers of middle management. And remember, middle management is not always one layer, sometimes they're multiple layers of middle management before you get to senior management. And a lot of our organizations, we have that, right? Where you'll have kind of the juniors, and then you'll have the experienced, then you'll have the middle managers, and then maybe one or two layers before you even get to senior management. Um, Gartner predicts that by 2026, 20% of all companies will use AI, and they will use that AI to erode middle management. Um, the way they look at it is if you remove middle management, what happens is you're forced to then delegate authority to those people who are considered junior to middle management, and then you're creating a flatter structure, and that in itself gives you increased autonomy because you are removing that middle management, assigning more responsibility and accountability to what would be considered junior members of staff or those who are not middle managers, and then you're whilst you're increasing autonomy, you're encouraging that entrepreneurial spirit to be go be able to be innovative and use initiative. Now, this is what I'm gonna say. I think middle managers are important if they operate correctly, if they're gatekeeping and become stumbling blocks to progress, that's when it becomes bureaucratic, and that's when we have to consider what the role of middle managers are. So, in my organization, I I never would have said this before when I first joined, but I will say this now. I think it's very hierarchical, and I think a lot of that stems from misogyny, I think it stems from micro-macro aggressions and the racial tension and undercurrent that you often find in organizations whereby um they're not as transparent about pay gaps and biases, and honestly, don't get me wrong, I think that most organizations, or at least organizations that I've I've worked in, there has been diversity, but I don't think there's enough to say we are a diverse company because I think I shared this last week. I very rarely find senior managers of colour less so black women, and I definitely think that when we when I do see them, they're very senior. So when I'm looking at middle managers, a lot of middle managers, especially in my industry, are white men, and that in itself creates a level of tension because you're dealing with the issues of um mobility amongst our community and the ability to kind of be promoted because a lot of these middle managers are same same, so they're not wanting us to kind of join them, they see us as less than, so we're currently gatekeeped out of the ability to achieve middle management. But then what does that middle management actually mean? What does it do? And how does a middle manager become a senior manager? And I think where you lack the transparency becomes an issue. I don't think you need multi-layers of middle management, I think you need one layer of middle management because I think there is an element of if you have too much access to senior manager or seniors or directors, for example, it takes away from their ability to kind of do what they need to do whilst we are delegated to do the days day-to-day. But I think that the middle management is about accessibility, and I think it's about how we are able to access and move into those middle manager roles, but it should be one layer. I think when we talk about AI and the advancements of technology, I definitely can see how a multi-layered system of middle management can be eroded into one system through AI. I think there still needs to be that level of accountability, there still needs to be that level of bureaucracy, but I think when bureaucracy becomes complicated, it becomes a problem. Now, I recently had a meeting with someone and I said, listen, I think bureaucracy is important to ensure that you are meeting the corporate strategy and achieving certain corpor objectives. I think it serves as a kind of um conscience, if you like, a commercial conscience in my case, um, to ensure that we are doing the right thing and we are buying and we are saying, for example, you are buying value, you are getting a return on investment for those of us who are in profit-based companies. I think middle managers then make sense there. But I think a lot of us are in organizations where there's more it's multi-layered of that middle manager. So when we talk about the bonfire of middle management, I think it's very welcome. I think it's very important that clarity in terms of mobility into middle management is equally as important as delayering it. I think that when we talk also about bureaucracy um and um being gatekeepers, I I think we also need to talk about that the intersectionality of race and gender as part of that discussion because where the industry I'm in, middle management is mostly white men. So what does that speak to? It speaks to control, it speaks to a negative narrative about how we progress and climb that corporate ladder. Um, why does the ladder have to be so high? Well, it's because we have multi-layers of middle management, so I think it's part of an ever-evolving conversation. But I definitely wanted to introduce that concept to you because when you have multi-layered managers, you have multi-layered obstructions. And I definitely think middle management is important on one level, not on multiple levels. And I think middle managers doesn't have to be more than a certain amount, depending on how big the organization is, the team and division they sit in. So in my division, I think middle management only needs to be four people. Because really and truly, why are you a barrier to progress? Like why I don't understand the reason. And I I can when I sit back and think about it, I think sometimes we have multi-layers of middle management because I think people have an inflated, elevated ego and an inflated self-importance, and it's almost like you have to give them a role for them to justify their existence. So why don't we just make them a gate? I'm not a gatekeeper, sorry. Yes, a gatekeeper. Why don't we just make a middle management? Um, so I definitely think that is something that also you should consider when you are going into a new role or you're going into a new company. I think it's important to say what does middle management look like in this organization? And given that this role is not a middle man middle management role, can you can we discuss mobility and what progress and promotion looks like into middle management and what comes after that? How many layers of multi um of uh middle management do we have and how does it affect the delivery of my role? Yeah, those are the questions I ask. You ain't gonna come to me and think what you're just interviewing me. This is this is two-way honey. This is a conversation. These are the type of questions I think we need to have evolve, evolving conversations, and I think when you start asking those type of questions, you then start to think about whether these companies are actually a mutual fit. Because for a lot of us, it's about progression, and you need to know what the landscape of progression looks like. I think people kind of go into organizations, go into interviews with the idea that I'm just so grateful. I have that gratitude. And it's something that I've discussed previously before previous episodes, you know, social media, and I'm gonna tell you this right now. I'm grateful for opportunities that I have also a hand in creating. So whilst I acknowledge these opportunities, I had a hand in creating them. Because had I not, you know, gone to law school and sacrificed my life, literally, my social life and any aspect of socializing and picking up extra work as a cleaner, I wouldn't be in a position where I would have achieved my law school qualification and gone to law school and done my LPC. I wouldn't have achieved my master's. There is a level of sacrifice that we have had to endure to be able to be in the positions we are in now. So, how do we honor that journey? And I think part of honouring that journey is when you are in conversations, you go into new roles or you're in interviews, that you ask some really um poignant questions because those questions will tell you, like the the question that I've just shared here, what your trajectory looks like, and actually how this organization, how your team is actually structured. How are you then able to deliver your role if there it's if it's bureaucratic? And maybe some people are better suited to more entrepreneurial roles or startups. I mean, startups are my worst nightmare. I've been in a startup more than one occasion early on in my career, and I vow never to do it because I'm not that invested in a startup. The type of investment you need to be in a startup, I I don't I can't give it. That's probably why my iron depleted past a certain level when I was in my 20s, but that's a conversation for another day. But do you understand the point I'm making here? It wasn't enough for me to just come here and talk about the concept of the bonfire of the middle managers. I think it's also important to have the discussion about kind of how you fit into a middle management structure, and how are you proactively in a situation where you are challenging those structures for your own understanding about whether there is a cultural and corporate fit for you? Now, when I say corporate, I know that not everybody is in corporate, but I am gonna say this you may not be in corporate, but you may be part of a corporation. Okay, you are in the working world, and every organization you will work in or work for has a structure. Where do you fit into that structure? How layered is that structure in order for you to do your job? What are the barriers to entry? Who are the gatekeepers? How many are they? Who are the decision makers? How long does it take to get that decision? These are all questions I feel like you need to know. So, yeah, I did the research on the bonfire of the middle managers, and actually it's also a topic covered by the economists as well. So, those of you who are interested, I'll put a link in in the show notes. But I'm, you know, sometimes I'm part-time geek. I love these type of things that speak to the world of work because in as much as I talk about pop culture and social economic issues that happen here in the UK and abroad, we always go back to the world of work. And I hope what I'm showcasing to you is kind of what um kind of what the the the working world landscape actually looks like now, um, and how the world of work has evolved. Because I started working when I was like 15. I didn't kind of get into the the throes of my career until after law school. So, and law school was like, oh, when was law school? I well actually no, that's not true. Well, actually, yeah, it is because the throw when I finished law school was in 2010, and although I was doing I was working for legal companies before 2010, I didn't really go full full throttle full I didn't go full I can't speak, I didn't fully go into my career until after law school because I had to kind of almost legitimise my experience through my academics in that way. Um, but what I will say, and what is very abundantly clear to me, is how a lot of organizations use middle management as the full guy, let's be real, you know. So it's definitely a conversation I feel like we can we should continue having. And I'd love to hear from you all about your views on middle management. Are you part of middle management? Are you siloed off and are affected by multi-layered um middle management? How does that affect your delivery of work? And how are you then planning to move forward in terms of mobility, knowing that you have those obstructive kind of bureaucratic structures of multi-layered um middle managers? So I'd love to hear hear from you about that. And hopefully you found this segment really interesting because I I think it's very interesting, honey. Just staying on the whole work-related theme and middle managers. Um, I did some research about soft skills and how soft skills are on the rise as being fundamental to your long-lasting career success, irrespective of the industry or the role you have. And what it says about soft skills is your ability to collaborate with others, your ability to forge those strategic relationships, your ability to develop adaptability and all these things, plus other soft skills are true um drivers for a long-term career success. And what I found interesting about that is actually considering what soft skills are. Now, soft skills are the things I have mentioned, but I remember many years ago working for a particular telco company and being told by my manager that I had not, I don't have enough soft skills. Now, when you say soft skills to a black woman, we have to remember that is loaded with a lot of prejudice, a lot of assumptions, and a lot of stereotypes. So, for example, I was told that part of soft skills is interacting with others. So greeting people in the morning, being warm and welcoming. I'm not a morning person. I can greet you and say good morning, but I'm not trying to have one big fuck off conversation with you. Okay. So I feel like there has to be a line between and and from where I come from culturally as well, it is accepted everyone's different. And I grew up in a family whereby, yeah, some of most of us were not, I don't even think anyone, anyone apart from my dad was a morning person. So it just took us a bit longer to wake up. So obviously, I would take that into the world of work, and I still do it now, and I'm very vocal about it. I'm not a morning person. I still attend my meetings, I still show up, I still interact, I still collaborate and do all the required soft skills, you know, in the morning, whether I'm a morning person or not. But I'm not going to be a puppet for your micro and macro aggressions. And it's a shame because I was very um, I feel like in my 20s, especially my earlier 20s, when I was still figuring out life, I think I was heavily influenced by just wanting to be accepted and wanting to people please. So when I was told by my manager back then about lacking the required soft skills for my role, I had to ask her, if that's how you feel, why did you hire me? Because I would think that if soft skills are so imperative to my job, that would have been part of your assessment criteria before you hired me. And she goes, But Toya, even you asking me that and you challenging me, that's part of the soft skills that I'm saying, that sometimes you just have to kind of like put up. And like, I'm not telling you to shut up, but I'm I am saying that sometimes you just have to be uncomfortable. And I said, Well, I don't understand. So what you're basically saying to me is part of soft skills is being uncomfortable and just dealing with it. And she never responded. And I was really happy I asked her that question, but I still walked away very confused because it was very innocent for me to question it. I didn't understand how micro, macroaggressions work in the stereotype. Looking back now, I can definitely say, listen, well, we we all understand soft skills and we all understand stakeholder management, internal, external, being able to be personable and interact and navigate the world of work. We understand. Now, what we may not be able to do is navigate correctly, but those things come through experience and also over time and learning from others. The basic fundamental requirements of soft skills in when you're being told you don't have them, especially as a black woman, it's actually quite insulting because you want us to perform, and a lot of us are masking at work. Let's be real, a lot of us are, because I'm being really honest with you. I mask a lot at work. I do, and I think that that shows develop soft skills because masking protects me. And equally, I think masking has become part of my identity at work because you know that at work to an extent, you have to create your personality. Because if you were to really show up as yourself, you would not be accepted. And I'm not trying to be accepted at work, I'm trying to deliver my job. But I think it's very, it's very uh telling that there is now kind of a push for soft skills, but we then need to define what soft skills are. So if you are in an interview, a meeting, or somebody has pulled you up on soft skills, I think it's really important to get a definition of what they understand the soft skills to be because I believe that there's a different requirement for soft skills for black women than there is any other race. And I'm speaking from the perspective of a black woman. So if you are not black, I'd be interested to understand your experience there. But I'm telling you, as a black woman, what my experiences are, and part of my experiences is being is receiving microaggression through the alleged not having soft skills and to the type of soft skills that is I feel is required from black women is to uh pander to the fragility of those who are asking us about our soft skills. We clearly have them because we're navigating the world and we're existing in a world that tells us we're not good enough. But I think it's loaded with racial undertones to tell a black woman that she lacks soft skills or to pull her up on soft skills because we're not actually afforded softness. Because if we want to look at it from that perspective, you're expecting soft skills from somebody who you do not afford softness to. So, how are you going to receive those soft skills that you are seeking? We give you what we have the capacity to give you. We are not performing for you. This is not a stage show. We are not participating in your racial undertones, dressed up in constructive criticism. But what we are here to do is actually redefine what soft skills are. I want to understand. So to make sure that we are on the same page, it's definitely TikTok worthy that this conversation because I definitely feel like for example, um, I was told obviously, I think I've shared this before about my face not fitting, and now I look back and I think a lot of that is to do with not kind of being palatable to this um senior member of staff because I wasn't smiling and I wasn't a morning person. He was a morning, he was like the energizer bunny. I now suspect was he on drugs? Because to be bouncing off the walls that hard early in the morning, I'm talking about six, seven o'clock in the morning when sometimes we had to come in or join calls really early because of time differences, or when it's like eight o'clock in the morning and people are looking for coffee, you're expecting me to bounce off the walls with you and smile like a flipping fool looking like a raccoon. I don't know how that works, motherfucker. Sorry, but I think it's a what it's a it's a conversation-worthy topic, and I definitely think from you know, in your group chats, I'd love to to know, or at least for you to share with me what we discussing in terms of these soft skills, especially with this um this, you know, resurfacing of the importance of soft skills. And don't get me wrong, I put a level of importance on soft skills if we have a shared definition of what soft skills are, and it's not loaded with racial undertones and stereotypes targeted towards black women. Motherhood costs women opportunities and pay. I'm gonna talk about maternal bias. There's an article I read recently um where they did some research and it shows that maternal bias is the strongest type of gender bias. When hiring managers know a woman has children, because parent-teacher association coordinator appears on your resume or your CV. So she is the person who is suffering from this maternal bias, according to this research study, is 79% less likely to be hired. And if she were hired, she would be offered an average of$11,000 less in salary. So this study was conducted within the US, but I've always told you what usually happens in the US finds its way to the UK, and vice versa. So mothers motherhood should never be a career penalty, but research shows it often is. Women with children are less likely to be hired and are offered lower pay than their peers, while fathers don't face the same scrutiny. It's time we stopped asking if mothers are committed and started recognizing their talent. Um, I'm gonna share something with you. Something that I've always enjoyed is kind of climbing the ladder through my career, especially when I knew that I could climb it through being a consultant. I cut at least 10 years off kind of climbing the career ladder through contracting, if I'm being completely honest. And that's just because I've been on some massive projects. Um, I have been work, I've worked for some of the most amazing companies and my CV reads to that effect. So I've had the opportunity to really explore my career from different perspectives. And in doing so, something I was really clear on is not being typecast in any one industry, especially when I was still trying to figure out kind of what I wanted to do, what I enjoyed. So for me, I got experience in the public, private, third sector, and the charity sector. And I've worked on some massive domestic projects and international projects, and I have been very blessed to have had those opportunities. I prioritised my career because back then, as a single woman, what else would I be doing other than prioritizing my career in education? And I I wouldn't say I necessarily followed the conventional path because the conventional path for me from an academic standpoint was to be a lawyer, and I've shared this before, but I I was six months away from being a fully qualified lawyer, and I told my dad, this is just not for me. I was on a really massive criminal case, and it was all over the media, and just to see that how the justice system operated, I just could not in good faith continue. And people say, Well, why don't you do another aspect of law? Well, I currently am really from commercial contract management and little dabs of procurement. But the point is, at that time I was just very good at criminal law and family and housing law, those those those were kind of like my majors, right? And I just my dad said, Listen, you have your academics and you've done everything you need to do, go out into the world and just figure it out, you know. And I I thank my dad so much for just being so supportive because for him, once you've got your academics, you could do anything you want to do, but you must get your academics. That that was his his view, and and I agree with him to an extent because I think that it's given me access into certain things and industries whereby my peers don't necessarily have the same academics and qualifications as I do, but you take my qualifications and add my experience, and honey, it is a lot. Um, but I say all of this to say that I have noticed a shift since becoming a mother, it's not something I lead with. So a lot of you who listen to the podcast or have followed my journey know that as I was a contractor and I was pregnant, I was holding down two assignments and neither of my clients knew I was pregnant. And obviously, we're all working remote, and I really leveraged and enjoyed the ability to work remote and create my personality around the role that I was delivering without actually having to share something so private and so personal, partly because I didn't want the judgment and the stereotype, and number two, I didn't want um them to use it as a crux for me. Um, and what you tend to find is you're working in industries where they have their own stereotype and they put it on you, but that's not kind of the stereotype you're operating in. Do you know what I mean? And equally as well, um, I think um I just have never felt safe as a black woman in any organization. So why would I share something so personal that would make me so vulnerable? Um, but since becoming a mum, I obviously decide when I when I came off maternity, I continued consulting until a perm role opportunity came around and I had a very high expectation in order for me to consider to go perm, but in accordance to kind of what my family needed and my daughter being able to acclimatize to whatever routines that we were doing, I felt perm gave me, us as a family, the structure for me to kind of like re-enter into my career, if you like, post-consulting. Um, and I definitely think it's been positive in terms of kind of how I see the world of work, reframing things that I see. But from a motherhood career perspective, I'm gonna sit here and say to you that there is an episode coming because I I have so much to share. And I feel like a lot of you are reading between the lines, especially those of you who follow the podcast for a really long time. I've been very honest and open and frank that, you know, I definitely feel that my growth has been um deliberately stagnated. And I think a lot of that is because I'm a mum. So the assumption is she can't work late, she can't work too early, oh my god, she's got loads of responsibilities, so we can't give her this piece of work in order to elevate her and continue to expose her to other um um, you know, uh opportunities because as a mother, she's held back effectively. That's what it is, and I feel like a lot of people use their stereotypes, but it's not true. Okay, fine. You know, I can't go to every work event and come home at midnight, partly because I don't fucking want to, and secondly, I have a home that I actually like. I'm not trying to stay all night, I don't give a shit about stuff like that. Now, is there a balance between kind of socializing and collaborating outside of hours and work? Yes, but for me, respect first, you can't see me on them streets, honey. I I know I do not reside in the streets. Um, I I can very much plan my my day around my daughter. I'm very blessed that she goes to a really good private nursery and it opens from 7:30 till 6 pm. My daughter never does that whole day, like she usually gets dropped around eight, picked up around five, quarter past five. And she's been in nursery since she was about six months old. I have no regrets about it because there were a couple of things that were really important, and one of them was my career, secondly, was sleep. So my daughter was sleep trained from six months, and thirdly, I think it's important for my daughter to see me work equally as her dad does because I want my daughter to understand that you know there requires um ambition, and that ambition has to also is collective with her dad, but I have my solo ambitions that I do, and in as much as being my daughter's mum, I wear other hats too, and I need my daughter to see that and to know it. And I'm really proud of my career actually and what I've been able to do. But I definitely feel in my current position, I'm not being given opportunities. And there is gonna be an episode where I cover everything. I'm just not in a position to discuss it now because things are happening. Because what I'm never gonna allow you to do is prevent my growth, especially when I've invested so much time, effort, and money to get to where I am. And if I didn't have the good sense at the time of my career to understand the need for me to contract and consult and work for different organizations, I'd be stuck in a role for how many years? Not going up, not going down, but staying at the level in which they want me to because it suits them. Um, but equally, I I am starting to resent a few things that I've witnessed, and and this is why team meetings are really important. You need to fucking pay attention to what's happening. A lot of things that are happening to you is because you're not seeing what's happening around you. You need to listen more than you speak, some of you. Some of you talk way too much. Sometimes it's not what people tell you, it's what they say to each other around you. And I learned that very early on in my career. In fact, I learned that when I was in Goldman Sachs. You need to pay attention, listen to what's going on. Uh, we recently had a team meeting. Now my team is global, so it's whoever is local will come to the team meeting. It was so eye-opening that I realized that there is one single person in the team that's getting all the ancillary work over and above their day-to-day. Not because she's better than me at the job, not because of anything other than the fact that favoritism pretty privilege. And I don't just say these things lightly. I have evidence for this, okay? And I will share this as time goes on because there is a test in this testimony. And when I give you the testimony, a lot of you will not believe it. Your mouth will drop on the floor, and I will help you pick it back up because I'm not new to this, I grew to this. The reason why I have this podcast is because I'm teaching you guys what I know and I'm willing to share it. I don't have to, I do it because I know there's a calling upon my life as part of this journey, and how Toy Talks came about tells me that this is the journey I'm I'm supposed to be on. Experiencing, listening to what you guys have gone through and sharing it in a safe space. And that's why I've created Toy Talks, the podcast, the platform, and the brand. But during this team meeting, there were so many revelations that I watched my boss be uncomfortable as he realized that a lot of us who were paying attention, so out of the eight of us, probably two of us were paying attention, he'd been fucking rumbled. Because up until that point, I think he thought he was pacifying us with excuses. One thing with me is I know an excuse when I see one, but I look for evidence. And one thing you will never be, you will never be the crux in my career because I am the architect of my career, and I've been building this career since the age of 15. So, what we're not gonna do is um target me with that maternal bias that's rooted in gender bias. Now, as women, we understand look, listen, not every woman wants to be a parent, and that is fine. Yeah, not every woman can be a parent, and that is fine, be it um out of choice or just physically, that is fine, because up until several years ago, I didn't want to be a mum either. And I know for some people it's not about an either, it's just they can't, and I get that, but I'm talking from the perspective of my experience. I didn't want to be a mum for a really long time, partly because of my narcissistic mother and me not thinking and I wanted to do it and being told I'm useless, all of that, all of that. Worked through it, gone to therapy, made the decision collectively with my husband to do the work until I got to a point where I was like, okay, I can I I want to do this. And motherhood is fucking hard. There is a lot of sacrifice as part of motherhood, and yes, to a certain degree, I feel as though if you do not have the support system, it's very hard to balance or attempt to balance career and and and motherhood. But for me, I always said this I always knew I was gonna go back to work early because survival skills and always being in a state of survival and understanding how unhealthy that may be, but that's how I live my life. And I said, in order for me to have the peace of mind, my daughter has to go to one one, if not the best nursery um in the area. And there were certain things I wanted, and I I made sure we had them. So then going into work and post um kind of having my daughter, I never lead with I'm a mum, but you know what I've started to do? I've started to drop it in a conversation if I'm speaking. Now I'm very selective on those conversations because it's not everyone I share that with, but when you are talking about an opportunity and we're talking about flexibility, part of that flexibility is knowing I'm being employed by an adult. I want to know if you're an adult. Are you able to understand that yes, I'm a mum first, but my daughter's in nursery full-time, and I I you know I say this my daughter's in nursery full-time, her dad's very hands-on. But it's not every conversation I bring my daughter up, I've got to be honest, because I think I have to be very comfortable enough to know that this is not something that you'll use as a weapon to judge me. But I definitely think in conversations I've had about opportunities, there's been two recruiters, one of which I know has a child the same age as mine. So we kind of bond on that level. And funny enough, though the disclosures I've made are to women because I feel like I don't know, not all women understand, but the women that I've shared it with are mothers. So what is understood need not be explained. But I definitely see in my current situation how my motherhood is affecting um opportunities that I could have had versus somebody who doesn't have any children, who's being given all this ancillary work and advancing herself. And the only difference between us is literally I'm a mum and she's not. Because when we put skill sets on paper, I blow her out of the wind. She comes to me for stuff, and she actually outwardly said this in team meetings she comes to me because I have the experience and the breadth and wealth of experience more so than she. She does. And whilst she's very talented and very experienced, she understands who I am in terms of what I do and what I bring to the table. I've worked for big, massive corporations or big projects. These projects are still in like they're still operating today. Like, so I'm not speaking from a space of um thinking I should have. It's more experience, right? And as and when I make decisions and moves, if my boss asks me why, he's not really gonna like my response. But one thing about me is I don't move with just words, I move with evidence. Whether I'm a perm, whether I'm a contractor, I remain the architect of my career. What is an architect? I design, I create, and I build my career, and I pride myself on the ability to navigate the world of work. But I do also accept that your manager gives you the exposure of opportunities within your current environment, and then you become affected when you're not given those opportunities because they say go out and get them, but you've got to remember there is a gatekeeper often, and that's gonna be your manager, and that's the situation I'm in. So you can imagine, like my current organization, I've been there for almost two years. Two years is very significant, by the way, because in two years, things need to grow for me. That's how I kind of manage my career. It may be different for different people, but I my general kind of rule of thumb is two years. We need growth, we need climbing, and we need money. That's what we need, and in that order, preferably at the same time. And I will go as far as to tell you guys I'm on six figures, like let's let's be transparent, and I work hard for those six figures. You better believe it. But it didn't just drop on my lap. I've been navigating, I've been sacrificing, I've been building, I've been creating, I've been making it happen. And while six figures for some is amazing, believe me, I'm heavily taxed, okay? But the point is to maintain that, I have to continue to grow. So if I'm not finding that growth and that mobility, I will seek it and I'm willing to step out to do it. Because I cannot beg you for opportunities that exist that you willfully choose not to give me. And when we talk about this motherhood costing women opportunities and pay, heavy on the opportunities. Because the opportunities and pay for me work hand in hand. So, yes, I can completely see where a study where 79 a woman is 79% less likely to be hired, because you should never be personally to me, if you can avoid disclosing that you're a mum at an interview process, you should as much as possible. As much as possible being the operative words and being offered on average um£11,000 less in salary than our male counterparts or women who do not have children says a lot because what it basically says is having a child clips your ability to grow and to be exposed to certain opportunities. And whilst you know those figures may not relate to my current situation, I'm deeply affected and completely understand how a study could arrive at that conclusion. But I I hope that in talking about it here, it creates an opportunity for discussion and conversation. I take into consideration that not every mother is ambitious, and a lack of ambition doesn't denote laziness, by the way. All of us are at different stages of our lives and our career. But I don't just have a career, I run two businesses now. Well, Sister Scribble is about to launch. I'm running two businesses. I take my career really seriously because it saved my life. It gave me the structure I needed to grow and to build, it gave me the opportunity to focus on something and create that stability for myself, especially at a time when I had nobody and I was emotionally and mentally downtrodden and I felt I was worthless. I found growth comfort through my career. It gave me a warm hug in progress as I continue to navigate. I'm not ashamed of that. Do I love my job? No. Am I really good at it? Yes. Do I love that I am really good at something that then yields me opportunities and money? Absolutely. I'm not ashamed of it. How many of us are in that situation? And how many of us want to understand how to navigate and pivot and grow and create more opportunities and make more money? Me. So I would love to move on to a dilemma that was sent. Now, I do get quite a lot of dilemmas that come through the mailbox, and some are immediate responses are required because something's happening, and you will know that I hate shit like that. I would rather you give me enough time to be able to help you properly. I'm led by my spirit, and if my energy directs me, I will follow. Um, and there's some people who just require, like it's not extensive, so I'm able to do it offline and have confirmation from them or always that I can share it on the podcast. And one thing is I will not deal with dilemmas in silo. If you want me to help you with a dilemma, that's fine. You have to trust me when I say your anonymity is protected and I'm able to share it on the podcast because we need to all learn. It's not just one to learn. We are all here to learn and grow, myself included. So I'm very grateful for all of you who choose to trust me to advise, guide, and help. And um, let's get into it. So the subject title is Dilemma: Why I'm Considering Leaving My Job. Hi, Toya. Hope you and the baby are doing well. I never thought I would be someone to send a dilemma, but there's a first time for everything. I joined an investment company, investment banking company in 2022. Now she does mention them, and obviously maintaining her anonymity, I'm not sharing it, but um she then goes on to say, and have been with the company for the past three years, two years on the graduate program, and one year in my current role. And she does give me her current role. When I joined the team in September 2024, I had my doubts, but I gradually began to enjoy the role. There was a promise of progression, the pay was solid at 70k pre-tax, the people were nice, and the hours were manageable, typically 9 to 5 with occasional late day. Although I was required to be in office five days a week, I found a balance by using the office gym during the day, which made the routine sustainable. However, since May 2025, things have taken a turn. My pay has only marginally increased now to 71,400. So pre-tax 2024, it was 70,000 pre-tax, and now it's increased by 1,400. I've been told I won't be promoted to associate next year. My working hours have become extreme, regularly 8 or 9 a.m. to 10:30 pm or even midnight due to picking up the workload of someone leaving. I'm still required to be in the office five days a week, and some people have a choice of the work they they will take, they will take on, where myself and others don't. Despite raising the need for additional support and participating in the interview process for a replacement, the new hire has been placed on another team's portfolio, leaving me back at square one. Management claims they'll hire eight people next year, but given the um they only hired four this year who are still ramping up, I'm skeptical of how effective or timely that support will be. I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD last year, just before my 24th birthday. I'm now 25, and the current situation is becoming mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. I rarely see or have the energy to talk to my friends, family, or partner. I've stopped going to the gym. I used to go three times a week, I'm losing my appetite, and I have started making mistakes at work, likely a result of both my ADHD and pure exhaustion. I also struggle to sleep because I can't stop thinking about work. On top of this, I've started a side hustle, Airbnb, which has helped me realize that I need a different kind of work setup. Something with more flexibility, even just one day or remote work, better hours, and possibly less client-facing pressure. A location change could also help. Right now, I feel like a bit stuck on a roller coaster that I need to get off. Not just for my career growth, but for my well-being. I think I already know the answer to this dilemma, but it would be good to get an unbiased opinion about my current situation too. Kind regards. Right, I do want before I go into detail and hopefully provide um a response. Um, I did some research on inattentive ADHD. And it's a form of attention deficit or hyperactivity disorder, categorized by a cons a consistent pattern of difficulty with focus, organization, and follow-through, without this significant hyperactivity and impulsivity seen in other presentations of ADHD. So the symptoms include making careless mistakes, trouble sustaining attention, forgetfulness in daily activities and poor organization, and frequently losing items. Damn, that sounds like me. But um I I wanted to understand it because I have ADHD, high functioning, but obviously there's a subset to my ADHD, which I'm getting assessed for. Um, and I have traits of autism, and I've never actually shared that before in the podcast, but I am going to share it because vulnerability, and I I welcome those to to share and be vulnerable, bearing in mind how ADHD shows up differently in women than it does men, whilst there is obviously consistency amongst certain subsects of neurodiversity, um, specifically ADHD. So there is a couple of things here, and I'm gonna take them step by step. Stagnation is a problem for growth. If you're stagnant, you're not growing. And it's funny because if you listen to this episode and then listen to this dilemma, I think I've kind of answered it in part. Every two years you need to be growing in opportunities or in money, or both, preferably both. And if you don't have that, you're stagnant. Simple, it's really easy, quick math. Your role is bec has become untenable. Not because of the lack of financial growth, not because um they told you you're not gonna make associate, and and and not because it's five days a week, but because you don't have any balance whatsoever, and as a result of exhaustion, and also in part your ADHD, you're making mistakes, which means you're setting your situation is setting you up to fail. So you can expect amongst everything you're doing, the mistakes are what is going to be highlighted, and that is a fast track way for you to be out the door on their terms. I think something that's really amazing, and I find with especially with women, irrespective of colour, I'm speaking to women in general here, is a lot of women, especially the ones I I have in my life or interact with, is we're really ambitious, and that ambition doesn't begin and end at your career. It's things that you do ancillary to that. So in your case, Airbnb, and I can understand why it is exciting and it creates other opportunities, albeit different from your current role, but something for yourself and something that is different for you to focus on. I think what's really sad here is amongst all the sacrifice, because let's be honest, yes, you're being paid, but there is sacrifice that's happening here because if your role in your contracts is nine to five and you're doing over and above that, there is a sacrifice of time. But more than that, is you're sacrificing time with your family, your your time with your partner, and you're becoming so tired that even basic interactions are becoming difficult. I think you know what I'm gonna say here. But before I say it, I'm gonna say this. I think it's really important as women, especially as black women, especially in perm roles, that we start considering making neurodiversity disclosures rather than us masking. Because I think it's becoming very apparent that masking is not actually helping us. It really is not. I think we need to get to a point whereby we understand how our neurodiversity affects how we deliver our roles, and we make these disclosures not only to inform, but also as a form of protection. And it needs to be a formal disclosure. Hey HR, CC, HR business partner, line manager. I think it's really important that as I continue my career here and my growth, that I make a disclosure of neurodiversity specifically in attentive ADHD. This does affect the way I deliver my role and it affects me as an individual, but as you can see, it hasn't affected the way I show up. However, I think a conversation now needs to be had about the support that will be afforded to me as a result of this disclosure and how occupational help will go will be provided and what they will do to support me in the growth and delivery of my role. Full stop, no long ting dear. And then you need to obtain the policy around disclosures, neurodiversity, diversity in the workplace, and kind of what an organization does to support you because you are a protected class. Now, I think it's really important that in making that disclosure, there's a couple of things that happen in parallel. I think you do need to look at another opportunity. And I say this because your industry and what you do does not need to be in the office five days a week. Now, taking the organization you work in, and although I haven't disclosed it on the podcast, I understand you are top-tier tier one. I get all of that. But there are other organizations on par with what you do that will may require increased hours. But I think what I'm seeing here from you is if you had more balance, it would be less of an issue. And I now can glean from your pod um from your dilemma that this is affecting your mental health. You're unable to go to the gym, you're unable to sleep, you're not eating, you're losing your appetite. No job is worth that. None. So if I was to advise you, I would say you need to be signed off from the doctor for at least two weeks because you need to recollaborate. And as you're getting signed off, I also think that that's when you make the disclosure, and then you're clear why you have had to be signed off because of XYZ, and whilst you have discussed getting support, there is now a direct impact in your health because you're unable to sleep. I think you need to be that honest because it's the truth, and you market private and confidential. And then I think you need to look at other opportunities because you're doing all this stuff over and above, bending over backwards, sideways, forward ways, down the loo, and for a£1,400 increase in almost two years. That's crazy talk for what you do. That's not acceptable. But what happens is you get into a pattern of accepting this to your detriment, but unless you're there is balance, this imbalance will continue to affect you. And let me just be very clear if you have a nervous breakdown, you will be replaced. So it's better that you do the replacing. So, yes, you know, you you already know the answer, but it's it, you know, it's important for you to get an independent perspective and an unbiased one. And I agree. Um, and whilst I, you know, I know when you said that you you didn't think you'll be writing in a dilemma, girl, we're all going through it. We're all on this roller coaster called life, and we're all doing that career travel. And this is a safe space for you. So, number one, I think you need to consider making a neurodiversity disclosure in writing, formalized everything in writing. Number two, I think you need to obtain the policies that surround that to see what help and support or to see kind of what you would need to do. I think that you need to look at other opportunities, and I think that as part of that disclosure, it's important for you to say also, you know, once they come back to you and there is a dialogue, I think that you need to say what you would need to be able to do your job. And I'm I'm gonna say this. I shared this in my last episode, and I think you should go back and listen to it. Um, I went on a course um that kind of dealt with this, and effectively, Ochealth can recommend that you work two days a week from home, three days, whatever it is that you require. We don't know this because we don't know this information. This is where you're gonna get the information on this podcast. So you can get things like that from Ochealth or even recommendations from your doctor, and it will have to be considered and accepted by your employer because you are protected under the Disability Act as well. Um, because neurodiversity falls into that. These are the things I've I mean when I say you're a protected class once you make that disclosure, and you have to utilize it for your benefit because maybe you will leave, but you're not ready to leave now. So, how do you make your current situation comfortable enough for you until you are ready to make that move out? And when you do decide to leave, my I would say you make a decision if you want to make that disclosure, but any disclosure is for private and confidential with your current company. But my I've always said, and I've said it to everybody, I never make the disclosure that I am have any neurodiversity or disabilities because I'm also dyslexic. I don't. This is the first role I've been in where I have made that disclosure, but I've been there for almost two years, and again, that's a podcast episode all on its own because I will be explaining because I'm taking notes. Um, and then yeah, like I said, I think you also need to look at other opportunities that provide you that flexibility. Ask some very pointed questions during interview. You know, don't go to an interview and say, I want flexibility, but even asking what does flexibility mean to you, and how is inf how is flexibility incorporated into my role to support me to deliver my role to the best of my ability? Those are questions you need to ask. Um, I've shared a lot of organisations are moving towards an office presence from three days, it will go to five days. My my organisation are mandating five days a week, of which I am except uh I am exempt. Number one, because of the type of role I do, because my role to an extent is client-facing and my client is not in the UK. And secondly, if I live more than 50 miles away from my base office, I'm exempt, and I definitely live more than 50 miles away. So I'm very grateful for that. And I'm gonna be really honest, I couldn't work to my optimal level um for an organization working five days a week. That that time is over. So how you are doing this, I do not know, especially with the hours and the sacrifice that you're making. I I just really feel for you because I can imagine your exhaustion, which would then trigger um certain aspects of your ADHD. And being ADHD myself, I I get it. Um, but I think you need to act now. So, first and foremost, I think you need to get signed off. Secondly, in parallel, make a disclosure in writing, and I'm quite happy to support you to do that, whatever you require. But I've also provided you some wording as part of my response to your dilemma. I then think you need to take a break in between. So if you do end up going for interviews and getting a role, you need to take time up out. And I was actually speaking to someone today, and I said, listen, I always say you should take um time off in between roles. So my notice period is supposed to be three months. I've seen my contract, it's less than that, but I would tell any prospective employer it's three months because it I would probably end up having to give three months, number one, but number two, I will take some time out for myself, even if it's a week, two weeks, three weeks, I will be doing that because my mental health comes first. Um, I do need to check that actually. And my employment contract says four weeks. I'm just saying um for the future if I was to leave, it says four weeks, but actually, as my role has changed, I wonder if that's something ancillary that they have slipped into my contract through addendum that I don't know. So I'll have to check that because I can't trust nobody. Everyone's a slippery character. But yeah, that's that's my advice, and I don't think any of that will be a surprise to you. But maybe the bit about disclosure and things like that might be so please feel free to follow up with an email. Keep us updated with what's happened. Um, and if you want me to provide any added support through kind of coaching you through it, I'm quite happy to do it. Um, more so because I I understand, I know, I get it. Um, and I've advised people on on similar in similar situations, but more importantly, it's about giving you the respite to make informed decisions, and you can only have that with a rested mind. Being in a role that is so demanding that you make so much sacrifice of your time and not sleeping is a recipe for disaster. And I've been there and it doesn't end well. So please prioritize yourself. Find the time to prioritize yourself as much as possible and put your foot down. You need this is the time now to advocate for yourself and to cover yourself. You are not beans, honey. You're working for a massive organization, and I'm sure your CV speaks for itself. So it's about how you leverage that to get what you need, and what you need is flexibility, and it's within your reach. So I am gonna draw today's episode to a close, and hopefully, you've really enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed delivering it. Um, there is a topic I wanted to cover here about jealousy, and there was a post I posted, and it has got a lot of feedback in the DMs, and it's about kind of elevating and growing and kind of doing the hardships in life, and now you're enjoying the fruits of your labour, and actually the people that are supposed to be going on the journey with you are just jealous, and rather than call it out as jealous, one asks or questions whether it's you or whether you're overthinking it or whether you're just leaning into this narrative of jealousy and it's not really jealousy, and we need to call it what it is. I do want to explore it more in another episode because I think it deserves an episode on its own. Because me, I've I've got many examples to bring, and periodically through the episodes, I do talk about this, but maybe I haven't kind of like really gone into detail, so it's definitely something I'm gonna take into next week's episode and have a very interestingly informed conversation about that and what it looks like. Because the truth is when you are going through the hardships, no one is bringing forth their jealousy. When you are enjoying the fruits of your labor and lay heavy on the labor, that's when you see the true colours of people, those who will celebrate you or those that will choose to be jealous and are unwilling and unrelenting in trying to rob you of your joy. So, what we're here to say is, ah, this is a joy that cannot be robbed. And sometimes meeting somebody where they are and telling them you are a jealous bitch, get out. And sometimes it's no contact, sometimes it's cutting them off. Sometimes their jealousy is so overwhelming to them, they'll cut you off. Don't look for closure, don't look for an explanation. Sometimes just open your eyes to what the universe is telling you. And that leads me to a quote that I saw recently that says, Don't chase closure in people who ran from accountability. But we'll explore that topic in another episode, preferably next year, next year, next week, where I'll go into a bit more detail. And also I'm going to see if there's any Harvard studies, because I think there's a clinical disorder to deal with jealousy of those who exhibit jealousy from people who have suffered and enjoying the fruits of their labour and people who are uncomfortable with other people's successes because of where they are in life. We need to talk about that. It deserves its own episode. I'm sure all of us can bring forth examples of where we have been in that situation where people are exhibiting this negative, very toxic, um, very uh evil um trait towards us and adopting this negative personality because they are angry at your success. But when you were suffering and struggling, they were smiling. That's what we call in my language or quensu, which means the devil, evil. Uh-uh. Please stay abreast of kind of the things I am posting on social media. Um, the Toya Talks podcast, um, social media is Toya underscore talks. My personal Instagram page is Toya underscorewashington. It is private, my personal Instagram page. So if your energy is correct and my spirit reads you right, I may accept. I'm also on TikTok, Toya underscore Washington or Toya underscore talks. Um, and yeah, I'm on social media. I am before I close, I do want to say this. I often get asked um why I don't take certain opportunities, and I get lots of them. I don't know how I get onto all these PR lists, I'm on them. Sometimes they share stories with me that are is embargoed until a certain date I'm allowed to talk about it. I get asked about whether I want to interview certain people, and for me, you all know, like if it's not aligned to the ethos of what we are creating here and what we have created here on Toy Talks, I'm not gonna do it. I'll say no more than I say yes. And if I say yes and I bring someone on the show, just understand. I say show, is it a show? It's a podcast. Just know that this person has something for us to learn and grow from and with, and I'll lowly ever bring substance. I am very careful about the energy that is around me, so you can imagine the energy that I'm definitely gonna protect around the brand and around the podcast. And I remember a couple of years ago, I got a dilemma, and somebody had said in their dilemma that they're following me on Instagram, but they're shocked that I don't have a lot of Instagram followers. And when I first read that, in the moment I was in my feelings because I was like, it doesn't donate popularity because my downloads and my analytics speak for itself, but it did make me feel like hang on a minute, am I missing something here? Um, there are so many podcast episodes that have come since Toyota Talks that speak on similar topics, and I've always said I think there's room for everyone, but they've fallen off, and we've been going on now for over slightly over five years now, and I'm really proud of the community I've built. I'm really proud of the podcast in terms of the conversations that it's sparking, the visibility that it gets. And believe me, my my mailbox tells me the visibility that it gets. Um, not just the podcast, but even my TikToks where I talk about work-related things. Um, I've gone viral a couple of times on there, and it's brought forth opportunities which I have turned down because they don't align with my personal ethics or align with the podcast. And I'm gonna be the first person, if not the first person, um, but I'm sure you've heard it other in other spaces, but I will always be the first person to tell you if you stay focused on your journey and you don't allow the distractions of other people's opinions and the weight of what people assume you should where you should be, and you're focused on your trajectory, you approach it with clean hands and you've got a clean heart. I promise you, you will doors will open, opportunities will flow, and you will continue to grow because I'm a living testimony of that. I am so proud of the fact that I get to build my brand and develop the podcast on my own terms. I'm not um shackled to uh a management or a brand that are trying to control me, and I will always, always be the person that is a free spirit and is an independent thinker, and with that comes the freedom to be able to create. So yeah, maybe I don't have as many followers as you would expect on social media, but my downloads and my numbers speak for itself. The women's lives that have been transformed from this podcast, the advice and the coaching I've been able to give through the podcast and the living testimonies that I receive from people tells me that not only am I on the path that I'm Supposed to be on that I'm doing what I have been destined to do and what has been ordained to do in my life, and I'm very proud of everything I've achieved both personally and from a business perspective, and everything that I've achieved here on the podcast and continue to do. Because it's not beans to self-produce, to edit, to create and deliver a podcast. It's not. And I know that I'm able to do it because this is the path that has been chosen for me. And I am fully in it, and I'm very proud. I'm not here to sell dreams and fantasy. I'm here to give the reality. I'm here to teach, guide, and educate women how to navigate the world of work and highlight the path of our success. This is the Toy Talks Podcast, and I am proud of everything we're doing here. So I just wanted to say that because I give gratitude to the universe, and I'm so grateful for all the opportunities, all the listeners, all the downloads, all the group chats, all the DMs. I read them, I reply as much as possible, all your um ratings as well on social media platforms. I'm just so grateful, and I'm so grateful to the audience that we have here. Um so thank you. Um I think it's always important to show gratitude to the universe and to the journey. So yeah. Anyway, my name is Toy Washington. You've been listening to the Toy Talks podcast, and I am back next week. So make sure you have a great week. Look after yourselves and each other.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31:22

T-O-I-L, let me show you how to navigate and elevate. That's what we do. Black queen, energy groom. No fantasy, just real talk. From classroom dreams to boardroom walk. Black woman power, watch it shine, breaking barriers, redesigning time. From Tottenham Road to CEO, every step teaching what we know. Not just surviving but thriving more. Opening every closed door. Black queens to the top, and we're still going.