What Does Justice Look Like When History Still Bleeds?

A superstar stopped a show to eject a sleepy fan, and the crowd divided. We look past the memes to the real duty of care at live events, the difference between standards and humiliation, and why humility travels further than hype. That contrast sets the stage for a wider theme: how power is used in public, at work and in culture.

From Lupita Nyong’o’s choice to refuse typecasting to the labels black women still face in offices, we unpack how stereotypes take root and how to push back with clarity, documentation and policy. I share a candid story about dealing with a disruptive senior, why governance protects your career, and how to use relationship capital without losing your peace. We also dig into Spotify’s unwavering approach to flexible work, separating outcomes from optics and treating adults like adults.

Creativity gets its own spotlight as I introduce Sister Scribble, a 90s-inspired premium stationery brand built for people who still believe in pen, paper and ideas with weight. We talk about what real support looks like, why community matters more than clout, and how to keep building when the hours are long and the room is loud. A listener dilemma on postpartum psychosis at work brings practical steps on occupational health, boundaries and dignity.

A look at Nnamdi Kanu’s conviction through the lens of the Biafra War 2 years, 6 months and 9 days that still shape Igbo memory and justice today. We close with history that still breathes: a clear, grounded primer on Biafra, Igbo identity and Nnamdi Kanu’s conviction. Beyond the legal language sit questions about self-determination, state power and what justice means when memory is raw. If you’re here for honest talk, useful frameworks and stories with heart, you’re in the right place.

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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star

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Chapters

• 0:00 Setting The Agenda
• 3:16 Burna Boy Concert Controversy
• 12:21 Olamide’s Show And Artist Humility
• 20:24 Lupita Nyong’o And Typecasting
• 27:20 Stereotypes Black Women Face At Work
• 35:26 Enter Arnold: Managing A Workplace Bully
• 50:29 Remote Work And Spotify’s Stance
• 56:35 Launching Sister Scribble And Real Support
• 1:12:07 Listener Dilemma: Mental Health At Work
• 1:30:28 Biafra Context And Nnamdi Kanu Verdict
• 1:42:05 Closing Notes And Ways To Support

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

A workplace bully has arisen in my workplace, and up until now I haven't discussed it, more so because I've had to allow things to happen at work, and I'm going to be sharing some things with you here on today's episode. Lupita Nyongo is shedding light on the challenges that she has faced in Hollywood following her Oscar win in 2014 for her role as Patsy in 12 Years of Slave. This is really revealing in the movie industry, where black women have long spoken about this pattern of being typecast into certain characters within Hollywood. We also talk about Bernaboy's very low, in fact, ticket sales in America for his US tour. I also discussed Namdi Kanu, who was very recently convicted in the Nigerian court, and I want to discuss it and give a bit of detail and background and educate a lot of people on things that are actually happening in Nigeria from a tribe perspective. I've never done that before, but I think it's really important because it affects my tribe and there is a history that sits behind it. So I'm seeking to not only raise awareness but to educate pension contributions. So in anticipation of the Chancellor of the Exchequer's uh winter budget, there has been speculation about an increase in income tax, which has been dispelled by the Labour Party. I personally think that that was their opportunity to sense check the nation and it backfired. So it has been alleged that they have rescinded in any attempt to increase income tax, although I don't quite believe it. However, our eyes have been cast to pension contributions and the possible changes that could give rise in the budget, where there could be changes to salary sacrifices, limiting it to a certain amount of money, and therefore our workplaces capping sacrifices. But again, we do not know until the budget is revealed tomorrow. Spotify continues to push back on the return to work. Um, we've seen many tech companies push forward with um their return to work, and we get into that. We have a dilemma here on the podcast as well that we're definitely going to be talking about. We're also going to be talking about the electronic travel authorization. I don't know if some of you are aware of it, but I want to talk about it here on the podcast. Uh, also, as well, my stationary company launched yesterday. And I want to give my review and speak to a couple of things that I think is really important that I've seen in the mailbox as well, just in relation to sisterhood support. And um, I don't know if it's like end of year moving mad, but we're gonna get into it. You have entered the Toy Talks podcast, and I'm your host, Toy Washington.

SPEAKER_00: 2:47

Toy and talks, council estates, a corporate space, project re and set in the face from Goldman's Axe to PWC, building legacies for all sisters. This leg just couldn't stop this flow. Lord the creatures, watch me grow. Masters of the game with joke. Every sister how to own their throat. Let me show you how to get an elevator.

SPEAKER_01: 3:16

So um, for those of you who do not know or wondering what the what they would say is the fuss, but it it really isn't. Um, so Burner Boy had a recent show in the US. He's I believe he's currently on a US tour, and there was a couple, it was sold out. There was a couple that was sitting near enough to the front, or if not at the front, and the lady was um seemingly asleep. So Burner Boy allegedly had kind of been looking at the couple, had been observing the woman, and he takes up the mic and he basically says, I'm not gonna sing another song until you, sir, take her out. Like he's not doing that. He actually says, Well, Lai, I'm not gonna sing another song until you take her out. And at which point I think she thought it was a joke because I think most people did. Because who really does that? A global superstar acting like that. But it has left social media divided, and like shockingly, where people are saying, Well, listen, he has every right to expect high energy in his show. He puts a lot of work into his show, he does a lot for his shows, and it's quite disrespectful for anyone to come there and be sleeping, and especially being at the front, that it sends a message that as an artist is quite disrespectful. On the other side of the fence, people are saying, listen, she could do what the hell she wants, she paid for a ticket. And actually, in being so vocal and humiliating this couple, especially this woman and drawing attention to her, by saying you're and actually acting upon it that you are not going to sing another song until she leaves. You are actually encouraging hatred and encouraging negativity and encouraging bullying of um the audience towards this young lady because they've paid for their ticket and you, the artist, has basically said she's the reason why I'm not gonna continue, get her out and you'll get your show. I actually agree with the latter. If I pay for a ticket and I'm coming to your show, if I want to sit there and eat pounded yam and Ibba, that's my business. If I'm coming to your show and I want to sit down and I want to sleep through your show, that's actually my business. It's actually not your fucking place to tell me no. And if you ask me to leave, you better have my money at the exit. Now, I I to accept the point, you know, they were in the front. And from a visual perspective, I imagine for me, little old Toya doing a Toya Talks, you know, live event, and I've got someone sleeping in the front. But my first thing wouldn't be to humiliate them. My first thing would be to ask security to check that this person is okay. Like, is this person sick? Is this person feeling? Has she fented? Because the normal way of doing things when you go to a concert is not to sit down and be seemingly sleeping and the guy seems okay, like what the hell is going on? That should have been his first approach. And that would have given her sign that if if there is anything, if there is not anything wrong with you and you're continuing to sleep, this ain't gonna work. And he then could have said to said that to security that if that's what she wants to do, take her out, but not now to put the entire spotlight on her. Um, she's gone on and released a statement as to the reason why I personally don't think it's my place to say because I it hasn't been authenticated that it's her, to the point where I feel comfortable to then come here and and and provide what she has said as a justification. But I think it's more than about whether as an artist he felt disrespected. I've spoken about Bernaboy before on the podcast, and I'm gonna say this Bernaboy is a very, very talented artist. He is a global superstar in his own right, but his attitude stinks. He's very arrogant, and I've said this before, he's very arrogant, he's very disrespectful, he's very entitled. I personally, in my opinion, just based on what I've seen, what I've observed, what I've heard, I think he's very insecure. But it didn't start here. I think the way he treated Steph London was so disgusting. And whilst, yeah, some of us can make light of it, some of us can come here and say, gidden, giddy-gin, the fact is, I've always maintained that I felt like he was an op for Steph London. Steph London is a very, very talented artist, and we don't know the ins and outs of their relationship, but they went public, so it becomes our business when you're sticking in our faces. And I think the way he went on was disgusting. And the fact that you are with a global superstar, and you didn't even provide her a hook, you didn't even write her a song, or at least if you did it, it should be released. So I have to assume nothing was done. I just kind of think as a person, as a as as Burner Boy is, I can't help but think I feel like he he used her as publicity here in the UK. It just looks good, and people say, Oh, but does he need the publicity? It's not about whether he needs it or not, it's about a narrative that was pushed that he was happy to be made public. And the way he treated her, the way he went on, and she has maintained her dignity throughout, even when there was a point where she was acting like she was gonna say something because she didn't, I feel like that's minimum, minimal, compared to how he treated her publicly and how he continues to, I feel like, make little digs. That's very testament to his character. He's a grown-ass man. So to now kind of see the video at the concert of him spotlighting this woman and basically humiliating her and basically putting the spotlight on her. If you do not leave, I'm not coming, I'm not gonna perform another song. I think that it's dangerous, especially when we've seen a lot of things that have happened at concerts, we've seen the stampedes, we've seen so many negative things associated with black artists, especially Afro-beat artists at concerts, to then put her and put this audience member in this precarious situation was reckless, it was dangerous, but it was loaded in his ego and self-esteem. And honestly, I just don't think he dealt with it properly. If he had dealt with it, how I initially said, by engaging with security to at least check that she was okay. Because for me, the first thing I'd be doing is health and safety in my mind. You have a responsibility as anyone who is doing any mass event, what and I say mass, I just mean people event. No matter the size, you have a duty to your audience members from a health and safety perspective. Do I need to talk about what happened Travis Scott concert? We like what is understood need not be explained. Do I need to talk about what happened at Shakir's concert in the UK? Come on. Like, we as people we just need to learn from certain situations, but then this also speaks to him and his arrogance. It speaks to him, his inability to have introspection and his irresponsibility as an artist. But then he did go on after the show to do like a I think it was like an Instagram, it's either an Instagram live or a TikTok live, and he basically said, I don't know what had happened before, like how he had opened it, but he basically said he doesn't want any poor fans and all this other stuff that to be quite honest with you was so pathetic. Again, speaking to his ego, his arrogance, his disrespect. And now the US are teaching him a lesson. I've you know, I went to a concert very recently, I went to Olami Day's concert, I'll get onto that in a minute. And um, I happened there was a girl I was sitting standing next to, and we, you know, we just hit off and we'll just talking, you know, like you just have good vibes, right? And um, I I we were wondering who the special guests are, and I was like, ah, let me sit down because I know no one's gonna tell me to up and leave. And you know, we got talking to Burner Boys about Burner Boy, and she was like, Yeah, I unfollowed him when I saw that because that was just disgusting. He she was like, There was just no way you could justify that. Like, why? What's the what's the need? And that's the sentiment I think with a lot of US fans who are now not buying any tickets. Well, I say not buying any, obviously, people are buying tickets, but not to the sales numbers that he would expect for a global artist who has done American tools before. People are protesting with their pockets and their feet because this is the only way artists of that level, of that caliber, are going to understand that you cannot take your audience, you can't take your fans for granted. And actually, we are the ones as fans that put you where you are. We are the ones that sell out your tours, it's not the press. We are the ones that keep you in the charts. It is not the press. And you can have the best marketing strategy in the world if people are not downloading, if um DJs are not playing your music, you are not going to continue to grow as an artist, you're not going to break records, and you are not going to have the longevity that you should have. He now is notorious for being reckless at concerts, and that's the reality of it. I think Burner Boy has an arrogance that surpasses human understanding. Because to really truly be successful, I feel like you need to appreciate your journey and where you are, how you got there. And this is the difference between artists like Burner Boy and an artist like Olamide. Some of you who listen to the podcast may not know who Olamide is. He is the GOAT, he is the artist of all artists. Um, he's a Nigerian artist. Um and he has been in the game for years, I mean years. I remember back in my African entertainment TV presenter days, I actually interviewed Olame Day. I need to find the picture because I've been looking for that picture, and once I find it, I'm going to post it. I met Olamide at the start of his career, and he is he was as humble then as he is now. He is a talent, a force. He basically discovered Ashake. For those of you who do not know, he has hits upon hits upon hits. His catalogue, in order to fully hear Olamide's entire catalogue of hits, he would have to do a concert for about two weeks. 100%. He is an amazing artist, but he's also um an amazing um like he discovers artists, and I don't know what the word is for that, but he has really like been influential in a lot of artists' career, directly, indirectly, but also he is really respected within the Nigerian music industry. And you saw that by um some of the um special guests he had at his recent show. So he did a show on um was it the 23rd of um November? I actually went to the show, it was in Wembley OVO, and the last concert I went to actually was very many years ago, and it was the first concert that um Burner Boy had done after being away um from the UK for over 10 years. That first concert that he did here in the UK, Burner Boy, I was at that concert, it was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. It was fantastic, and like I've never been to a concert like that. But um Olamide's recent concert is is like a close contender for one of the top concerts I've ever been to. So um just want to pause. I just want to go back to um Burner Boy, um, that concert I went to many years ago, the first concert he had done here in the UK after being away for 10 years. The difference is that he was so humble and grateful to be back in the UK after all his legal troubles. He had so many hits and he just could not crack UK the way he should do. So when he came here for that concert, it was groundbreaking for him, his career, and I believe it catapulted him um to go on to do other concerts, and obviously his music speaks for itself. Now, Olame Day's concert that was on the 23rd of November to testify of how great of an artist he is. He had Lil Kesh there, he had um Bela Schmirda there, he had Omole there, Loj was there, Fields was there, um who else was there? There were so many. Darku was there, there were so many artists, but it was how they interacted with Olame Day with that really, you know. Um Ashake was there, and we all know like the feud that has gone on between Ashake and Olame Day, but respect where respect is due. Um, the way they interacted with him on stage allows you to really know how well respected and how honored they were to share a stage with him. But his humility speaks for itself. He performed and he delivered and he gave these artists who were fantastic and amazing in their own right, he gave them the center stage when it was time for them to perform. His dances were amazing, but also I think the con Olama Day's concert testified of the type of artist that he has and the longevity he's had in this industry. Now, in the concert, something I'd forgot to mention in my review on TikTok is that um during the concert at the front, so the front was the standing people, like people who were standing at the front on the ground level, and there seemed to be something going on there. So Olame Day stopped the concert, the spotlight, he pointed, he said, Please, where is security? Something is going on here. Can you get here now? Like quick, and he really employed urgency to what he was seeing. Ask us lot who were in the stands, we could see something happening, but we couldn't, so we were basically hearing it from Olamide. Olame Day did not continue with that concert until he had he could see and have it confirmed from security that all was well. And allegedly, a young lady had fainted. A young lady had fainted. Had he adopted the same attitude as Burner Boy, God knows what could have happened. But we thank God for grace, mercy, and maturity. Olama Day's concert was fire from the beginning to the end. It started on time, it ended on time, there was no issues, no nothing. It was very well organized. The venue, um, the capacity, it was sold out, but you never felt suffocated. I didn't feel suffocated, honey. I was like the closest parts to the VIP because we tried to get VIP, we couldn't. Our seats were the cl the closest you could get to VIP. And me, I don't do mosh pit. I don't do any of that standing. I'm not criticizing anyone that does standing seat to because I used to do that. I can't do it anymore. I have ADHD, I'm dyslexic, I have a bad back, honey. My bladder is weak, honey, since giving birth, honey. I have ailments, I cannot stand up for anything. Okay, thank you. But um, all in all, I gave it an eight and a half out of ten. But I really would give Olame Day's concert probably a nine, a nine, a strong nine, a strong nine. It was a very, very good concert. It was just hits after hits after hits, and actually it was really nice. You know, I I said to my friends, we definitely have to go to more concerts. I do anyway, because I know she does, but I definitely need to go to more concerts because I do really enjoy myself. It's it was an opportunity for me to let my hair down. Bear in mind, I haven't been to a concert. The burner boy one was the last one, that was almost 10 years ago. So you can imagine for me, it was that really important that I just have a good time. And it's like on a holiday, the people you go with will make or break an event that you're going to. And I have an amazing friend who I went to, so big shout out to Bimpay. I love you so much, and you know I do anyway. We've been friends for a while, and she's so supportive of me. And I I know she she feels the support from my side to her as well, but supportive of me in terms of just being the mum and juggling things and just finding time for me. So we made it out the group chat, as she says the event made it out the the group with the WhatsApp chat. We said, so yeah, we went there and it was just amazing. It was a really good venue. I've not been to Wembley for a really long time. It's really changed. Ah, gentrification, gentrification, gentrification is gentle. I can't even say gentility. Anyway, whatever. Gentrification at its finest, but it was great, it was really, really nice. Um, so yeah, I would really encourage um anyone who's fan of Afro Beats music, please let's go and support some of these great artists. Um, I wish I'd gone to the Ashake concert because I know he has since done a couple of UK concerts, but I feel like if there was another concert I would love to go to is like one day Cole. Um, I would love to see Darku, but I don't know if she could hold a full concert, but I would love to see her perform all her hits. Um, I would love to see, yeah. I said one day cole, who else would I go to see? Um I would see David O, 100%. Wiz, I don't know if I'd go to see Whiz Kids. Ah, Whiskey Dool. No wonder he's always cancelling concert. Anyway, we love WhizKid, all hell to Whiskey Dool. Um, who else? I'd I'd see Fells in concert, but I don't know if he could hold an arena. I don't think so. I don't know if he's got the fan base here. Um, and I'm sure there's other artists I can't think of now that I would definitely go and see. But yeah, if you see me at a concert, um, just know I'm there for good vibes. And there was somebody actually, um, I did a review on TikTok of Olame Day's concert. I went into a bit more detail. And somebody had who actually listens to uh Toy Talks actually says she saw me there, which was really sweet. Um, so anytime you see me at a concert, ah, come and say hello. Y'all know I'm awkward already, but I'm always gonna be polite. Um, but yeah, so I just wanted to talk to Burner, talk um about the whole burner boy thing because I just think his attitudes it's really stinky. And I feel like we need to teach some of them a lesson, you know. You know, when I act mad like this, we need to let them know that we are the one that's um paying the piper. So we play the tune. We need to tell them because they're very crazy, very, very nuts. So Lupita Noyongo is an amazing actress. Um, she hails from Kenya. She's so talented, honestly, Lupita's so talented, and her body of work just speaks for itself. But she recently did um an interview and um it was actually re-reported by Baller Alert, and she basically said, After I've won that Academy Award, you think I'm gonna get lead um roles here and there? Um they're like, oh Lupita, we'd like you to play another movie where you're a slave, but this time you're on a slave ship. Those are the kinds of offers I was getting in the months after winning my Academy Award, she explained. The narrow scope of opportunities made her feel boxed in even after achieving one of the highest honors in film. Noyongo, um, Lapita Nyongo emphasized that she would rather turn down work than perpetuate stereotypes, prioritizing the integrity of her craft and the representation of African women. If that means I work one job less a year to ensure that I'm not perpetuating the stereotypes that are expected of people from my continent, then let me do that, she added. You know, it's so sad, but it is a long-running theme within Hollywood about being typecast. And I'm so happy that Lupita spoke to it because a lot of black actresses do discuss this extensively and continue to have this conversation. And I think it's something that has to continue, had to has to be continually highlighted because it's so easy, especially as an artist like um Lapita, who is a black female um actress, actor, um to be awarded one of the highest accolades in film and then be typecast, if you continue to accept those roles, what you're actually saying to Hollywood is I only accept roles where I play a slave. That is racist and discriminatory in itself because what we're saying is we're limit we're only seeing black women in a lens of slavery. Do you know how loaded that is? Do you know how crazy that is? That is that is crazy. But I find that across the board, as black women, we're always being it the attempt to stereotype black women is a commitment that I found in various industries. It's just very dangerous in in certain industries like Hollywood where they're playing roles, and don't get me wrong, yeah, those stories need to be told. I get that, but not every story is about slavery. What about liberation? Why can't we play more roles like that? And don't get me wrong, there are um films that speak of the liberation of black people from slavery, but we want some more empowerment, we need to see more of that. Well, if we say representation map matters, then how we are representing ourselves or allowing the industry to represent us is equally as important. Um, but that also talks to different parts of our lives as well. So, for the purposes of this article, we're talking about Hollywood, but what about in the workplace where I feel that there's a lot of stereotypes that are perpetuated in the workplace? So I'll give you an example. When I've worked in places before, so I worked to a very massive um banking institution, and I remember I'd been there maybe two weeks, and I speak about not assimilating, I've spoken about that, not feeling like comfortable because I personally do not wear suits. You'll never see me in a suit. It's impossible. You're not gonna see me, it's not gonna happen. Like, I just what that represents to me is bondage. Sorry, and I'm not criticizing people who wear suits. You do what you want. I'm saying, in my opinion, and for me, I cannot. I see suits as a bondage, I see the whole Thai shirt, what it represents to me, I just cannot. And those of us who are more spiritually inclined, we get it. What is understood need not be explained. But this investment bank that I worked for, I remember I'd been there two weeks and um I'd gone to the toilet. So at the time I was wearing like a skirt suit thing, so I I took the blazer off and I had trousers on and I had flats. So I'd gone to the toilet. As I came to the came out of the toilet, this white guy said to me, He goes, Oh, we've run out of toilet roll. So I said, What? He goes, We've run out of toilet roll. I said, So you want me to get the toilet roll? He goes, Well, that's your job. I was like, what job? He goes, You're a cleaner. Back then, I didn't compute it straight away what was happening. I internalized it as I didn't I internalized it as him being confused rather than what it was because I feel like at that point of my life I was in a state of denial because I was already suffering from imposter syndrome. So for me, like there was a denial, and then when I got back to my I walked away, sorry, how that ended, I just walked away and he muttered something under his breath. I don't know what it was, but I would handle that situation a lot more differently now. I think we all know that. But um, it's the assumption that if you're working in certain spaces and you don't look a certain way, then you must, and there's nothing wrong with being a cleaner, by the way, because I was a cleaner, that's what got me through law school, and it's it's a profession I'm very proud of. Um, and actually, I probably learned more cleaning offices and cleaning toilets and bathrooms in that role. I learned more there than I had done um in my profession, in my early early stages of my profession, to be honest. I learned a lot about discipline, I learned about people, psychology, I learned about cleanliness because people are not clean. Um, and I mean not just um outwardly, but I mean personal hygiene. I learned a lot. Um, I also learned about teamwork and camaraderie. I learned um about the psychology of the world of work because when I was a cleaner, they I was always invisible to these people. I was so invisible. They would literally throw things on the floor if you're there because you'll pick it up because I can't get to the bin. Or um the state of bathrooms is really testament to some people are disgusting, but I digress. Um, the reason I speak to that is the assumption that as a black woman I can't possibly be there to work in the same capacity they are, in the same jobs and roles they are. I must be a cleaner. You know, that comes from a space of racism where you don't actually think that black women or black people can be at actually seated across from you at a desk. And it shows a lack of respect as well. Even if you needed a toilet roll, do you come to me and say it? Can't you go to reception and let them know why are you telling me? Why why might why do you think that I must meet your needs right now? What is it about your entitlement and um your arrogance? What is it about you that you think that I should go and get the toilet roll right now? Because I've just come out of the toilet. How do you not know I need to go and get a drink of water, dickhead? Um, but this is also one of the reasons why I always make a point, like wherever I have worked, um, I'm mainly remote now, but wherever I've worked, whether it's in offices or whatever, and I see cleaning stuff, I'll always speak to them, always say hello because I know how it felt to feel invisible. Um, and you're there to do your job, but you're there to do it in an environment where it's healthy and you're being seen, not kind of barged to get to something or being spoken to as you're less than because people feel that you are less than them. It's disgusting. Um, but I will always go on to say that as black women, as women first, and as black women, it's really important for us to not allow society to put us in into a stereotype and continue to perpetuate a narrative that doesn't exist. And I think that's one of the driving forces as to why um when I was a contractor, I held down two roles. For some of you who are newer to the podcast, I don't know. I held down two jobs as a contractor because you could do that contracting. And I never told anyone that I was pregnant because there is a stereotype that is already associated with as a black woman, and then you add being pregnant, and I just kind of felt I didn't feel safe, but I never feel safe with anything of vulnerability in the workplace because I've been taught that my vulnerability will never be respected, it will always be disrespected, and my my vulnerabilities will always be weaponized. That's what I've always experienced, been taught, and I've seen. So when you're coming from that perspective, you know, how we are affected. How us mere mortals outside of Hollywood are being affected by stereotypes is something that needs to be spoken about because you can also find yourself perpetuating a narrative. So, for example, whereas women, and I speak more from a black woman's perspective, because I don't think there's enough representation in, say, senior management and leadership. So it's really then hard to see yourself in those roles I spoke about in the last podcast episode. But that also perpetuates a stereotype that black women specifically don't make it to certain levels within the workplace because the narrative is whatever the stereotype is, but we continue to perpetuate it because we don't push and because we don't question and because we don't take risks by going and finding roles or accepting roles or thinking that we deserve senior roles and going out and getting them. We perpetuate certain stereotypes when we refuse to challenge our roles and we we choose to challenge why people start at the same time as us. We're more advanced, we take more responsibility why we are not getting those same opportunities. We perpetuate those stereotypical negative narratives when we don't know our worth and therefore go out there and go and get it and walk away from places we're not celebrated. So I definitely think the lesson that I take from Lapita sharing with us kind of how you know she's been stereotyped or the attempt to stereotype her to only accept slave-related scripts. Um, we need to take that some of the lessons and what she's sharing there into the world of work and ensuring that we push past and question some of these narratives. Like there was a point when I was growing up, you would only ever see black women um in admin roles. And I'd work in places and there was no like advancement past that. And that was my very first experience of kind of that whole limiting infrastructure of work. And then, you know, I remember that it was actually a black woman, and I was working at Hackney Council for an agency actually, and I was an admin assistant there, and I was I had I think had I already got my law degree, yeah. I'd already got my law degree at that point, so I think it was that summer because it was really hot around that time, and it was just like a summer job for me, but obviously they don't know that, and you don't you never used to tell them that it was just a summer job, you let them think that that's gonna be you for the foreseeable, and um I was speaking to one of the Pam members of staff there. This is before I was on game about navigating the world of work. I saw a black woman and a more you know, completely just assumed skin, like skin folk is skin folk, all of that. You know, I was young, I was in my 20s, early 20s, I didn't know anything. Um, and basically I told her that you know I kind of wanted to be a lawyer, or at least, you know, I wanted to kind of explore roles a bit more senior than admin. And she basically said to me, She was like, I don't think you're gonna be good at that because I feel like um you are still very young and you don't really know how to do things. So if you want to get like a bigger role, I definitely don't think that you'll succeed. She literally, I'll never forget her name. I think her name was Sharon, but she actually had a son, and her son went through the graduate scheme. He was a bit younger than me. He was going through the graduate scheme at Hackney Council. So let me get this right. I shouldn't aspire for more, but you're happy for your son to be on the graduate program. I very early on knew that she was an op. So when I handed my resignation, I had two weeks' notice, she made my life a live in hell. She made my life a live in hell. Listen, sometimes them gatekeepers look like us. Let's be real. Let's have that fucking conversation. They're females like us, and in some cases, they're black females too. Let's talk about that. Um, but yeah, I say all of this to say, as women, we have a very heightened responsibility to ourselves to ensure that we're not perpetuating stereotypes that have been placed on us and actually saying no, walking away and wanting more for ourselves. Walking away or looking for other opportunities is saying no to stereotypes, by the way. But we perpetuate those stereotypes by accepting nonsense. We do. Um, I definitely find in the world of work some of the stereotypes that I've encountered, let's talk about it. In the world of work, is the whole black people being late, um, not smiling, then you must be angry. Um, some of the other stereotypes is if I'm not feeling well, I'm trying to skive. Because again, it's perpetuating this negative stereotype about laziness and black people. Yeah, let's fucking talk about if we're gonna talk about it. But I definitely find that this is why I say about setting boundaries and letting people know that you're unfuckwithable, and if you want to go down that road, it's not gonna end well because you know you don't like to confront things that are uncomfortable, sir or ma'am. So let's not continue to perpetuate these negative stereotypes without challenge. I'm a challenge OAS. That being said, I do want to talk about a workplace bully. So, our senior director sponsor for our project that I'm on, my primary project, he's kind of not he's left the project, he's still in the organization, but he's left the project. And I interface with him because I am the senior commercial contract manager for the project. So anything contractual goes through me. So I worked with him really well in terms of his strategy, how it would affect the contract, the maturity of the contract, making sure that we're still doing things in scope from a funding perspective, um, redlining, negotiating extensively. Like we are working with varying subcontractors globally. So my work has been very extensive, but we've really aligned and worked together. I understand his pipeline, so I'm able to manage mine, all of that stuff. I really benefited from a good relationship, but it didn't always start that way. He was very cold, very prickly to start with, and people like that I actually adore because that's how he's setting his boundaries. He wants to see if you're gonna deliver, and I saw it as an opportunity to get some quick wins and deliver. Um, but he's quite stoic in a way that I respect because that's just his personality, and we forged a great relationship, and it was one that there was pace, it took its time, there was a mutual respect. I didn't always agree with certain things, and I was given the opportunity to share why and justify why through my role, and he saw the value that I brought to the project because of the work I delivered. I I'm one of those people always say, My work will speak for itself. I don't need to toot my own horn, my work will. And you know, he he wanted to get to know me, you know, in terms of kind of like what music do I like, like do what programs I like. You know, you we you then start developing those relationships, and then you start developing like someone who who then becomes a contact within your organization. So it one thing he did say to me, he goes, you know, I really respect how you handle yourself, how you interact with other stakeholders, but more importantly, how you deliver your role. I really respect it. He goes, You're very strategic, you're very tactical, um, and you're very, very commercially contract-minded. And for me, that has been so important in order for me to deliver my role. He wrote it down. And that to me is a win. So when he left the project, I was very disappointed because up until then, um, somebody else had come on board who was meant to job share with him. Um, he was a contractor, he didn't last, he didn't even last a month. He was a dickhead. He didn't he I knew he wouldn't last, especially because he came in as a contractor. So he was a very he was already vulnerable, but his thinking attitude put him in a really difficult position. Now, the reason I say it was very vulnerable is because the type of project it is, it didn't need a contractor, it needed either someone from um another part of the business who who already knows the ecosystem or a Pam. Because then your attitude, I feel like his attitude would have been different. He came with I'ma I'ma save you, but no one needed saving. He came with I know what you know. He he he was the one that said, Oh, in a meeting with um an external, oh, we're not here to boil the ocean, he just randomly came out of it, and I was just like, Yeah, you're not gonna last long because you don't have any um self-control, and you are clearly a fuckwit. So he lasted five days. So when um our director sponsor left, there was a vacancy and it was filled internally, and it was filled by someone. Let's call him Arnold. We're gonna call him Arnold. Hey Arnold, who remembers hey Arnold's? Yeah, because this one's a dwork. So Arnold's attitude was very arrogant from the offset. He had this very superior, like he has this superiority complex, you know. He was very like he was very loud. I think that's something that I would say. There's nothing always wrong with being loud, but an empty vessel usually makes the most noise. Um, so I remember when I first met him. Um I put in a call with him because I can't avoid him. My initial impression was alright, cool, he seems okay. Nobody's perfect, Sha. This one, arrogance. Who knows what one can learn? That was my attitude. Um, partly my attitude's like that because I don't necessarily write people off like that because sometimes that level of arrogance is masking insecurity. That's what I've found during the course of my career. I've worked with some really foul people to the most deplorable types of characters, to some of the most arrogant, empty vessels, but some arrogant with cause, you know. So that was always my attitude, and I made a point of not asking people what they thought or asking people about the interactions with him. Um, I didn't really want to know his background. I wanted him to introduce himself to me. So, our initial call, he just spoke for most of it. He, I don't even think he knew what my job was, but he made a point of telling me he knows my manager, so already I knew what he was on. Um, which is fine because I don't care. I he didn't get the desired response he thought he would get. And I'm gonna tell you this now. I don't give a fuck who you are. I don't give a fuck. If you respect me, I'll respect you. I'm not respecting you because of your title, I'm not respecting you because of how much money you make, I'm respecting you because you're respecting me and because you're acknowledging that we're both human beings, blood running through our veins, um, breathing the same oxygen at the end of the day. That's my attitude. So after my initial call with him, he then would jump onto calls that we would have as a team, delivery team calls, and he would interrupt, say, updates to ask why the meetings were half an hour and how frequently frequently we have them, and does he need to be there? So already you know what energy he's bringing, not setting a good tone or example. The tone that you're setting is you're very divisive, you're very arrogant, and you're very rude. No one likes rudeness. Let's be real. Rudeness will make me a fucking drag you because there's no need to be rude, especially in a work setting. Where is the professionalism? So, ever since then, now I've kind of just avoided him. He will at me in emails that have nothing to do with me purely because it's like he it's almost like I'll give you an example. The second time we had a meeting, he I was giving him an update about something, and he goes, Toy, what is it that you actually do? So I said, What do you mean? What do I actually do? And you asked me what I do or what I actually do because what I do and what I actually do sounds very different in your mind. And he went quiet because I caught that. Listen, I was raised with boys, I was raising ends. So you can't wordplay me, okay? I'm very highly educated. You're not gonna wordplay me and try and move like I'm done. So I said, Well, to tell you what I actually do here, it means I have to actually tell you my background. And I read him for filth. I said, I'm very I started off by saying to him, I am very highly educated. I went to law school, um, but before then, obviously, I got my law degree. I went to law school, I passed law school, I did my master's in law. Um, I then went ahead um a few years later to do um my um procurement qualification, and very recently, while contracting commerce, I got an internationally recognised qualification in which I got a distinction. I also got a distinction in my master's and in law school. And then I told him all the places I've worked. I said um I've worked for PWC as a commercial contract manager, Goldman Sachs, Immersat Global, Capita, um some other organisations, and his mouth just dropped. And I said to him, these are some of the key projects I've worked on that you may have heard of. And I mentioned them, and I mentioned my role, what I delivered. I said, So when you ask me what I do, it has it's important that you understand my background. I said, Do you need me to elaborate on what I do? He goes, Oh no, I get it. Yeah, you're not gonna do that because you know about me already, you've asked. Stop being fucking dumb. Why would you accept meetings with somebody who don't know what they do? Come on, stop being dumb. But this is what some people in senior leadership do to intimidate you, to make you feel that you shouldn't be there. That that imposter syndrome, they love a little bit of imposter syndrome because then they can um add to it to fuel a narrative that they have in their mind. Here, remember we'll talk about stereotypes. Remember, I weren't gonna have it. But then what I find now is every time I have an interaction with him, he's very like dismissive in a way that's actually quite disrespectful. Now, if he wasn't somebody that I couldn't avoid, I wouldn't actually give a fuck. But I can't avoid him because of how I have to interface with him to be also part deliver my role because partly delivering my role is depending on his pipeline and what's going on on the project, as well as the delivery director, who I actually have an amazing relationship with my delivery director, by the way. So, with that being said, obviously we're doing our reviews, end-of-year reviews, and reflections and all of that stuff. So I decided that as well as adding to the burn folder that I've been doing since I first met Arnold, I've been auditing, like you know, certain emails. I've been put anyway from when he joined the project, I created a burn folder for him already. Because that first interaction, I said, you are gonna be a motherfucking problem to yourself, not to me. So I every interaction I would make like a notepad note of it, summary, um, and how it made me feel you see the word feeling, but feel from a professional perspective, not feel from an emotional perspective, put it into the band folder. So when I had a recent conversation with my boss, I gave him an example of some interactions I've had with him, his tone, and how uncomfortable he's actually making me. So my boss said to me, You know, Toya, um, to be honest, I'm not surprised because um, you know, I've worked with people who've worked with him before, and the feedback hasn't been good. It's actually along the lines of what you've said. And then my boss began to elaborate on certain things. Again, I made notes of this because you know, if you don't make a note, they'll tell you didn't happen. I made the date, the time me and my boss spoke about it. I made him aware because from when I'm telling you, I'm putting you on notice, what you decide to do with that information is completely up to you. But don't ever say you didn't know. So then um recently, then there's something that's been happening on the project, and it's actually quite serious. Um, so I've been trying to support that just you know as much as I can in my professional capacity. But Arnold is being a dickhead, he's running around basically, doesn't think that governance applies to him, doesn't think that rules apply to him. He's been trying to break every governance possible, but trying to recruit me to break them with him. So I don't do that. Governance is there for a reason, motherfucker, and you are not going to use me as a scapegoat. Absolutely fucking not. Absolutely fucking not. So I've been making sure I've been logging everything from a risk perspective. I have been an auditor because you see, one thing you're never gonna do is you're never gonna play with my job, you're never gonna play with my career, and you're definitely not playing with me, motherfucker. So my boss has said to me that he had had a conversation with the ex um director sponsor, and basically, other people within the project are having the same pains and the same problems, and it came to a head with a member of staff recently, in which there is a formal complaint against said new director, and my old delivery sponsor basically asked my boss, how's Toya doing? Because Toya is very direct, she's very straight, but Toya doesn't take crap, she's not that type of person, so I don't know how they would be getting on. In fact, I don't think they would. So my boss is like, No, Toya is um you know finding him a challenge, and I'm not sure how she's dealing with it. However, um, I would let her know that it's not isolated. So, can you see how my boss is not actually taking responsibility for what's happened? He's not the support I would need really, if you wanna, if you if if a member of style comes to you, you go and speak to that person because the new the Arnold and my boss are on the same level. Maybe, maybe Arnold's uh a level above, but they're still in that line of level sight. You understand? But to tell me that you told our my old delivery uh dire um director sponsor that you don't know how I'm dealing with it tells me already that you think it's for me to deal with and not you. Can you see why you have to have a burn folder? Because everyone starts forgetting the role they play or did not play. Inactivities complicit. My boss is becoming complicit by being inactive, but he doesn't know, no problem. So uh I say all this to say. Um, if Arnold continues, I'm going to be a whistleblower for his madness. Because I feel like a lot of us don't use whistleblower hotlines at work. Whistleblowing is not just um them doing something like impropriety or stuff like that, it's also workplace behavior. He is bullying people in in on the project, he is bullying them. The things I have heard, the way he has spoken to people, the humiliation rituals that he has been complicit in. And for me, my approach is when he starts talking, I don't say a damn word. That meeting will be 30 minutes, and all I would have said is hello, good morning. I don't say nothing. Nothing. I have now started to record the uh record our um what'd you call it? Dialogues and put transcripts on as well. Don't play with me. He forgets that that's even on. Um he'll be having he'll be talking and he'll be effing and blinding. It's so inappropriate. And sometimes I have to ask, are you effing a blinding at me or effing and blinding at what you're talking about? But the fact that I don't know the difference, burnof older, it's gonna come to a head, as it always does. Y'all know my catalogue. You push and you push and you push, I will just gather every evidence and then it's on like Donkey Kong. Because I'm not the type of person that complains to HR. No, I complain to HR and I put you one copy, you're gonna see it. Y'all um go listen to Closet Racist. Y'all know I am not new to this. I agree to this. If you fuck with me, I will fuck with you. I like peace, so if you want noise, I will give you the noise you are looking for. But he's making my job uncomfortable because I can't bypass him. That's the point. I have got a lot of support from the delivery element and the delivery director. They love me to bits. They're the they and I'm gonna leverage all of that. Believe that you don't just create relationships so that you can see people in the morning and say good morning. It's how you leverage them so that you can do your role and deliver. It's how you leverage those relationships in very difficult situations as well. It's how you leverage those relationships for mutual benefit. That's why the you have to develop certain relationships, strategic relationships. I don't just have relationships with every and anyone, and it just so happens those strategic strategic relationships. I actually like these people. I do, but I like peace. In all my reviews, when you go and like my boss goes and gets like feedback, formal feedback that goes into my interview review. The one word that is is very prevalent in the feedback is toy is very peaceful. They always say it, I'm very peaceful, but they would never like to get into a contract negotiation with me because I'm a shark, and being um being, and they said basically being that way makes me so unassuming that I end up getting win-win situations and developing really good relationships with my counterparts because they never see me coming. I always have the best interest of the organization in the program and project at hand, and I always seek to deliver. These are the things that they say all the time. Toy is very peaceful as a person, she's very peaceful. They say it, and you know why I'm peaceful because I don't look for people's trouble. I'm not in the voila, you will never see me in the problem. But if you make yourself a problem for me, I am not peaceful. I am a fucking problem. So Ardold is probably four emails away from a whistleblower, and then once I've whistleblown, I'll be formal and make a formal complaint. I'm not joking because I fucking had enough of him. But the reason I'm saying this is hopefully you're learning from this about building strategic relationships, but also identifying when somebody is problematic and how you manage it. Your managers are not always going to do what you expect them to do. Some of them want to are conflict avoidant, those are the worst type of people managers for the people stuff. My manager is amazing, he's a very nice person, he's a very peaceful man. But his need to conflict avoid makes it him also sometimes problematic. Because if I now take on this, which I'm going to, my boss is gonna be in a very uncomfortable situation. Because number one, he's trying to protect his relationship with said Arnold, whether he likes him or not. And also the question is gonna be after my boss. So when Twitter told you this on so-and-so day at so-and-so time, what did you do? I just feel like if you're gonna be that look, I've said this before, there's two types of managers. You've got people managers and you've got like more strategic managers, right? Or you have a mix of both, three types. But if a member of staff comes to you and says this is an issue, issue, and you say to them, you know, um, oh, is there anything you want me to do? And they say, No, no, no, no, no. That's not the question. What you should say is, this is a boundary that I do not accept anyone treating my team members like this, and I'm gonna have a conversation, and I want you to be rest assured this is gonna be dealt with. You I you have that conversation with said person, and then you have that conversation with said person and your employee, and then you resolve. That's how you do it. But this one that you're saying you don't know how Toy is going to deal with it, you're going to find out then, isn't it? Everybody wants to be an observer until they're in the throes of it. This is why I said you're the architect of your own career. You are one of one, honey. You are navigating as a woman, and then as a black woman, honey, don't you are your ally, and it is a fucking ball. It's exhausting. But this Arnold is he's becoming very problematic. If I hear another F you, F this, F this, F, F, F, I'm done. This one that you don't want to adhere to governance, but you're happy for me, you won't break it, but you want me to. You try to push me. No, the answer is no, and you'll be rolling your eyes to the back of your head. I hope it gets stuck. So Spotify are pushing back on their return to work. So we're seeing major tech companies reinstate return to office mandates, and Spotify is standing firm in its flexible work from anywhere model. Their chief human resources officer, Katarina Berg, says the company has no plans to walk back its remote work policy, arguing that Spotify hires adults and shouldn't treat them like children. The stance comes after a turbulent period for Spotify. In late 2023, the company laid off 17% of its workforce. About 1,500 people in a move, um, CEO Daniel Eck admitted disrupted operations more than expected. And despite the internal shock, the cuts helped boost Spotify's market value and drive revenue, uh record revenue in 2024. So still, leadership knows morale is fragile. That's partly why Spotify refuses to follow competitors like Amazon and Meta, which have increasingly pushed employees back into the office. The company says flexibility has improved retention and diversity, noting attrition was 15% lower in 2022 than in 2019. Spotify first adopted its work from anywhere approach in 2021, allowing employees to choose how and where they work as long as Spotify has an office in that region. Whilst Berg admits remote collaboration can be challenging, she insists that the company won't force staff back based on industry trends. Instead, Spotify uses um softer incentives to bring people in, such as in-office music events and listening lounge sessions with artists like Olivia Dean and Raggart and Bone Man. Um, employees are also encouraged to gather during call week for strategy and connection. Um, I think that kind of speaks to what I've spoken to about before. Sorry, that was um forwarded and um reported by black millionaires underscore on um Instagram, but it does speak to kind of Spotify's continued stance, and I've spoken about it before when we had the conversation about working um remotely and what hybrid means, and Spotify has always maintained that they hire adults, and part of that is treating people like adults, and as long as the job is being delivered, they don't actually necessarily care where you work, and it's giving people the autonomy to deliver their role as they balance work and life, and off the back of kind of what happened during COVID when everyone's forced to work from home, we know organisations can do it now. We're talking about estates and people um having organizations um having long leases that they have to justify the costs for. They talk about a footfall of other companies who benefit from in-office stuff. Um, the food industry, so your high street food um places like Pretemanger, uh Black Sheet Coffee, uh Cafe Nero, Starbucks, all those organisations, all those businesses, they benefit from work in-office footfall as well as like your sandwich delis and things like that. So it's in their interest to want people to be back in the office, and they have lent their voices to in-office working. But it's really good to see that there are organisations, even outside of Spotify, who move from a perspective of we've hired adults, we're not going to mandate you in the office. Um, here is what balance looks like. And a lot of organizations, it's also um team specific, but I'm definitely one person that I will never be the person that works 100% in the office. I believe hybrid starts from two days in the office. Um, and I work remotely. I only go to client site as and when I need to, or if there's something from a team perspective that I have to be in. Otherwise, I have an office at home. Um, I have really good internet, I have a quiet, peaceful place to do my job. I have three or four screens sometimes. Um, but I definitely understand the whole collaboration and in-person connection, but I'm really good at developing relationships remotely or in person. I don't need to be in person to develop those relationships. Um, so I'm definitely one of those people that are in support of remote working, but I'm actually in support of hiring adults to um work um and how they do their job and how you manage them to do their job or how you collaborate with people to do their job is highly important rather than mandates that make no sense. So the 24th of November saw the launch of my stationary company called Sister Scribble. I've said this before, but I definitely want to say it again because some people, it's like the comprehension. Is not there. Sister Scribble and Toyota are two separate brands and they are owned by the same my company. I have like the way I describe it is I've got a head company and it owns Toyota Talks and Sister Scribble and anything else that I would branch out and be doing if I if and when I release a book, um, it will be owned by my head company. Um, but Sister Scribble is a stationary, a premium stationary and lifestyle company. Um, we are 90s inspired, we do everything from notebooks down to journals. And the soft launch was on the 24th of November, and that saw the soft launch of the brand, the website, and some notebooks that um are just so beautiful and amazing. And I have the quotes at the back. Everything is created by me, um, my designs, my IP, and I really want to make Sister Scribble the go-to company for premium stationery. And we've started off with notebooks, and we are gonna be branching into stickers, um uh tools. Sorry, I'm battling the flu, so my voice is going. Tools in terms of pens, pencils, pencil, pencil cases, journals, planners, to-do lists, sketchbooks, um um, non-lined um notepads. Um there's other stuff that I'm working on. Um, so like new mum's journal. Um, there's so much stuff. Sorry, I can't talk about everything, but there's so much stuff I'm working on. And I really, for me, it's more than just stationary. It's about telling your story on paper. It's about encouraging us to use our voices, to explore creativity however it looks. Um, I had a couple of people say to me, they're not from the creative, they're not creative, and I was like, but you're you've got a career. They said, Yeah. So I said, So do you not creatively become the architect of your career? Where do you put your thoughts down? How do you write? And the person started laughing, they were like, Oh, I never looked at it like that. Um, about not like clearly we are all creative. I said, exactly, but we're living in a society that tells us creativity looks a certain way. And for me, my stationary brand speaks to a different story. It speaks to independence, it speaks to being vocal, it speaks to pen to paper, the art of thought, the encouragement of process, comprehension, um, the importance of you know, us really using our voices and expressing ourselves and the need to express ourselves. Not everything can be digitized, not everything's about computers, computers. Sometimes get great stationery that inspires you and motivates you, that looks good, that makes you feel good, that encourages you, um, and that is of quality. So that's in a nutshell, sister scribble. All my pieces are unique, high, premium. That's that's me. To know me is to know that I love nice things. So anything that I'm gonna bring out is gonna be that. And it's not my first rodeo at Stationery. I did a collaboration with Dreams and Purpose um a couple of years ago, which is it was a stationary company. Fortunately, it doesn't operate anymore. But we collaborated and did a stationary collection and it it sold out, like it was, I think within a day or two, it sold out um and it did amazing. And at that time, I wasn't ready to kind of do my own stationary. Um, but I've always loved stationary. I've for me, stationary has always been an opportunity to express myself. Um, but stationary nowadays is boring, it's muted, it's very mundane, there's no creativity in it, there's no excitement, there's no bold codes, no silhouettes. Um, the reason I've chosen the 90s is for me personally, I've always been very highly influenced by the 90s. I was born in the 80s, raised in the 90s, and what was going on in the 90s and early 200s, uh 2000s, sorry, is kind of music, it's um culture. I love American um hip-hop as we know it, especially in the 90s. The music we had here in the UK was driven by the US market, and what was going on in America was the revolution of music, the revolution of style and class and fashion and all of that intertwined to deliver a culture that was has been unmatched. The 90s will always be a um replicated or but always duplicated, but one of one. The 90s was uh an opportunity for people to just really just step into their own identity. And I love that era of music, of fashion, of community. Um, in the UK in the 90s was much the same, but a lot of what we deemed as culture that came through like the cultural um climate at the time, the music at the time came from America. So I definitely think there's something for everyone. Um, and I'm I'm an 80s baby that continues to dwell and live in the 90s, so it definitely does come through within the stationary collection. I'm really, really passionate about it. Um, I'm in um design mode for the next collection, which drops in February. But the collection that dropped um yesterday is called the Origin Edit edit, and it is the birth, the genesis of Sister Scribble. It is the one-of-one um starting point of the collection, and every collection tells a story, and the first story is the origin. Um, and yeah, we launched midday yesterday, 24th of November, and it sold out within five hours. And to be honest with you, I just I'm just so humbled. I feel so grateful, I'm so touched by everyone that has followed the Instagram page. Um, Sister Scribble, S-I-S-T-A-H, S-C-R-I-B-B-L-E, Sister Scribble. I'll put it in the show notes as well, put a link to it just to make it a bit easier. But it's just been for me like the most um like the most creative I've been in a really long time in terms of developing something and having it in life and as a tangible asset, but also being able to creatively tell the story through each collection that you'll come and see, designing the mood boards, designing the imagery, um, even the website. I built the website using Shopify. And as a dyslexic neurodivergent woman, my attention span and everything else that comes into how my logic works, you know, being having to sit down and actually really develop this website and on the back end understanding how all the systems work was crazy. But I'm happy that it launched when it was ready rather than me trying to chase a time, a moment in time um to deliver it. And it my website didn't crash, it the payment system was fine, and the feedback from the website, it's clean, it's fluid, it just works seamlessly, and that's what I wanted. It's not clunky, it's not convoluted, it's a website that is easy use, but equally displays um, you know, a lot of the things that will, you know, is out there for the public to purchase. And I just really want to thank everyone of you who has supported through reposting, following the Instagram page, talking about it, sharing it with people, buying the products. That to me has meant so much. Some of my greatest supporters are people I've never even met. But just to get onto that, I do want to touch on that. When you're like for me, I wear so many different hats and I choose to. Um but something that I have found is support and what that looks like. And I've spoken about this in various different ways before. But people that actually know me, it's crazy, isn't it? Sorry, I've got the window open so you're hearing every every element of what's going on outside and the fact that people can't drive. But um for me, I my friends, like my the people who know me, uh my real friends, they they bought my my products. I I I wasn't expecting that. Uh, their supports behind the scenes has meant so much to me. But people who claim to be my friends, how they have moved is fucking crazy. Um, I'm gonna say this, and it I don't care how it lands because it's the fucking truth, and you know you're always gonna get the truth with me. If your friend has a business, patronize them. In Nigeria, we call it patronize them. What we what we mean by that is show up and show out for them. If you can't afford to buy your friend's products because you don't have the money to do it, be their marketing mogul. Repost, share, be shameless in your support. But what I've realized is people will call you friends and be they're not even conservative, people just won't support you. People just won't support you. Not because of anything other than because it's you. There are people, there's at least six people I can name. I've been watching them. What does your fucking support look like? Because my support is very clear. What the fuck does your support look like? Your friend will have a business, right? So say if your friend is selling body cream, you will happily go to fucking boots and go and buy Garnier or Fenty. You've never met Rihanna Raday in your fucking life, but you go to Fenty. But your friend who has a uh uh skincare company, you won't even buy not one thing, but then you'll call them up, you think they're your you think you're friends. You're not fucking friends. That's your enemy within. I'm sorry. A real friend will patronize you. A real friend will make noise, a real friend will celebrate you, a real friend will continue to raise awareness of your greatness. A real friend will shout you from the rooftops for everybody to hear. That's what real fucking friends do. Do you know how many businesses I've supported? I supported a lot of businesses. I've known some of these people who have these businesses. Do you think they have ever supported anything that I have done? So I've stopped. Stopped and stopping. Because you know what? You can't continue to water people's garden that ain't gonna fucking water your garden. And that's it. People start a lot of you are very conservative about your friendships and your expectations. Let me tell you, I lost a friend launching this business, not because of anything, but because she's a jealous motherfucker. That's just it. Like, I'm not being rude or disrespectful, it's the truth. When I first told her I was gonna do a stationary company, she was quiet on the phone. This one that talks and talks and talks and can't shut the fuck up. She was quiet as a church rat. I caught all the slidigs, I caught all the negativity, and when I was literally at a point whereby I was working 3 a.m. in the morning, I kid you not, I would finish my day job and I would then collect my daughter from nursery, or my husband collects my daughter from nursery, and mum, mum, and mummy in, and then put my daughter to bed, have a shower, plan the podcast, record, edit whatever it is I'm doing for Toyota Talk, scoping out the stuff I'm doing for the website, um, changing platforms for the website, you name it. Then I'm working on sister scribble. I'd sometimes I'll be going to get bed at five in the morning speaking, sleeping for three hours if I have to wake up again and do the day again. So I don't do things half-hearted. If I do something, I'm doing it properly. So all I need from my friends is support and space. That's it. What this girl done a week ago, the stress she put me under because she is fucking crazy, is mad. And it's not the first time, it's just the first time that I chose to hold her accountable. Because I just think that some people, you know what it is, some people will never support you, not because they don't like what you're doing, not because of anything, but because it's you, it's born out of jealousy, insecurity, envy, and a hateful soul. That's just it. It's the truth, it's the truth. I've got to say it. I was so disappointed and I couldn't even allow myself to think of anything because at the end of the day, I had a rollout. At the end of the day, I had to do a lot of work, and I knew I had to put the upfront effort in now so that for future collections, I'm not having to set up a website again. Am I? I can just fully focus on the creativity. I was talking to manufacturers in the day, lunchtime, I'm calling this manufacturer, I'm speaking to this graphic designer, I'm learning how to use certain um programs in order for me to um do my work for Sister Scribble, Adobe Illustrate, um Canva, um what other uh I'm using so many. Do you know how many programs I've got? I've got a desktop, desktop, laptop, iPad. I'm I'm using notepads, I'm using this, I'm using this. I'm working on a business plan because it's not just about creating a business. What is the what is the plan? What is the two to three year strategy? What we work, what does marketing look like? I'm really in this, and then on top of that, I'm thinking about toy talks. Okay, how we how are we scaling? What is missing? Because there's things that are missing that need to be done, but there's one of me, and then on top of that, I'm then doing my day job. I'm a mum, I'm I'm I'm a I'm a wife, I'm a housekeeper too. I ain't even clean my house today. I need to do that, but I'm busy, and then I'm a friend, and I'm so grateful for the small, tight-knit people I have that I can call friends. There is literally three of them. Three of them. But people who don't know me and the support that they have poured into me, the prayers they have poured into me, they weren't expecting it to sell out. They they they've all messaged me saying, Toya, we went on the website to purchase, it is sold out. Acknowledging that there are people who, yeah, I'm gonna buy, I'm gonna buy, I'm gonna buy. People that know me ain't bought shit. You ain't ever bought anything that I've ever put out. Not because of anything, but because I put it out. Let's call it the fuck what it is. Stop calling me a friend, honey. When you know I ain't your motherfucking friend. Some of you need to hold your friends accountable. Friends, quote unquote. If your friend hasn't supported your business, that's not your friend. I'm sorry. Friends support. What is what does the word friend mean? Let's get down to the the crux of it. What does it mean? If you don't have the money, because yes, money's tight, be my social media marketer. Take that role, spread that. Make your Instagram social media about what your friend is about to launch. That's support. Don't give your friend grief, don't stress them out with your nonsense, your emotionally flawed fucking nonsense. Yeah. And I don't care because I'm I'm I'm so tired of accepting people for who they are, showing up for them in every capacity, and the one time you just need peace, they bring chaos. I'm fucking tired of that shit. Tired, I'm so tired of it. I'm you bring chaos, I'm done. I'm just done. Because I know who I am as a person, the value I hold as a person, the boundaries I have, the fact that I'm no longer a people pleaser is sending people off the roof. It's sending them off the scale. They can't cope with that. The fact that I'm holding people accountable for their shit can't cope with it either. But everything that reigns with me is peace. You don't give me peace, I'm out. I am out. Because I can't be the one operating in my friendship while you're operating in chaos. That can't work. If your friend has a business, patronize them. It's called in Nigeria, we call it patronizing. It's a form of like a bit in English, you say patronizing. What we say by that, what we mean by that is buy everything that they there's even selling, buy one of everything, buy something, make noise about it. If you can, buy if your friend is selling what you would normally buy, but you can buy it outside, you have to buy theirs. Sorry. And if you don't, you're not a friend. It's simple as that. Because if my friend sells um glasses and I love glasses and I need it, and I go outside and buy that glasses and don't buy it from my friend, I'm an op. Simple. Don't be a fucking op. Don't be an op. If your friend has a business and ordinarily you would buy things from other companies that your friend will sell your friend sells, but you refuse to buy from that friend, but you buy outside, you're a fucking op. Learn how to be a friend. Because some of you are enemies operating in sheep's clothing of friendship. Don't lie to yourself, don't lie to your friends. And so-called um us, you need to tell them to fuck the right off. Whenever I'm launching something, whenever there's something happening, I know who is who and I see, I see everything. And let me be real: none of my friends who bought anything from my brand, even if they didn't buy it, I know they're all my friends because the way they've been hyping me and reminding me of my purpose, the way they have been reposting, the way they have been pouring blessings and speaking life into me. Friendship. So I really want to move on to a dilemma. Now, there's parts of this that I am gonna keep out because their anonymity needs to be protected, but they have given me obviously enough detail to be able to give them advice, and everyone knows that when you send a um dilemma into the podcast uh into the podcast, your anonymity will be protected. Um, and I'll try my best to help as much as I can. Um, and um she's entitled it Mental Health Awareness at Work. Hi, Toya. Good morning. I've been listening to your podcast for over a year now, and I've learned so much from you and your advice. I have a dilemma. So she's given me her band, and she's a nurse in AE, and she says, I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis two weeks after um giving birth. Um, she tells me when she gave birth. So a month later, she was then diagnosed with um postpartum psychosis, and she stayed in a mother and baby unit for a period of months as an inpatient. Um, she said I was extremely unwell with my postpartum psychosis, um, and she kept relapsing, but she eventually got better due to medication and psychological sessions that she'd received whilst at the mother and baby unit. Um, and then she was obviously eventually then discharged. So April, May, June, July, August. So she was discharged six months after. So six months after um she was initially diagnosed, she was discharged from the mother and baby unit. And she came back home with her baby. Um, and she mentions that she's married and she has a daughter as well. Um, and she gives me the age of the daughter. Um, so she's got two children basically. Um, it was really difficult time for my family and I, and never thought that I'd be able to return back to work. So she obviously she shared that she worked in the hospital and she she shared the bands and what department, but obviously, I'm I'm not going to share that. She said that she was discharged with good community support and was initially discharged under a certain team and was given a community consultant psychiatrist and a care coordinator that checks up on her every two weeks just to make sure that she's coping well. So, fast forward to the beginning of this year where she was discharged from the perinatal team, and then she was um oh sorry, and then where's my glasses? Sorry, just give me a second. I need to put my glasses because this room is dark. I need to put the light on. I was creating ambiance. Um, and then she says that um uh she was referred to the early intervention team that will be under them for the next three years within the early intervention team, um, she's got a care coordinator, and um the feedback is that her with her progress is that she needs to come back for a review every three to six months um for her medication to get adjusted. So, due to the brilliant community support that she's received, she was able to return back to work this year. Um, and then she was promoted, amazing. Um, and she shared obviously with her workplace what had happened. They referred her to occupational health, which is the right thing to do. Um, and she showed them her discharge letter from the mother and baby unit, uh, where it stated that she could return back to work and she was supposed to return back to work on a phase return, um, and that she's not allowed to do night shifts due to some of the medication that she's on. So then she says that after her occupational health meeting at work, they wrote like a three-page assessment review about um what had happened and the medications that she's currently taking, and that she's not suitable for nights, so reinforcing the recommendation, and then the report was emailed to her senior, like a senior her line manager basically, and they adhered to it. Um so she's now obviously in her new promoted, newly promoted role. Um so she has a new senior manager who's a white woman, um, and she is in charge of like the shifts and stuff, like working out what shifts they do. And basically, she was on shift and she was approached by her senior manager that she wants to talk to her, and the senior manager pulled her away to the corridor and said to her, somebody had informed her that she had um that that she can become vacant sometimes when she she wanted to check if everything so basically her manager um took her aside and wanted to talk to her and said that she'd been told that sometimes that she can become quite vacant. Um she wanted to check that everything was okay. So our sis said that she was really shocked. Why is this mic making this noise? Sorry, she she was really shocked, and she couldn't believe that somebody would make her feel that small. So after that chat, what our good sis did is that she followed it up with an email. So she now has written to me, she shared the email with me, and she's asking me for my support and how to navigate the issue, and she's still waiting for a reply to her email. So, sis, first of all, I want to acknowledge you and everything that you've been through. And I have had my personal challenges with postpartum, and I didn't get any support from the hospital, the community support, nothing. Um, I suffer from postpartum, and actually my daughter's now two years old, so to see this I now know the support I could have gotten. Um, there is a mother and baby unit that helps women with postpartum depression, and I regularly drop off clothes there for the mothers, for the children, shoes, you name it, some stuff still have tags, and I really, really support that mother and baby unit. And I'm gonna be lending my time as well to volunteer there, speak to some of the mothers. For me, um, having gone through it without support, knowing that there is support for women, I definitely will do everything in my power to continue to support the women as much as I can as well, because I know firsthand like what they're going through from my own experience. So, for you to feel safe enough to share your experience, I just want to acknowledge you and I want to thank you. I also want to say that first of all, your email was not long, you were straight to the point. For me, I don't mind how long it is, as long as it's straight to the point. But obviously, if it's not long, it's great, but your your email was not long at all, it was straight to the point. So I've read what you wrote to your manager, your effectively your line manager who pulled you aside to inform you of what had been said. It was very well constructed, it was very well written, it was straight to the point. But there's a couple of things as black women, as women and as black women, the workplace is just I think we just need to accept that the workplace is not always a safe space. What we're doing is using policy, strategy as we navigate to ensure that we're enforcing our rights, and that in itself, that enforcement, makes our workplaces safe as it could be for us to operate as individuals, right? And I think you've handled it in the best way. You've put pen to paper to challenge and justify why you were offended by somebody saying you looked vacant. People need to be very careful about what they say to people in the office about how they look, appear, um, how they present. They've got to be careful because you can't just use your mouth and just be talking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What you've done and you put it in writing is you've created an audit trail now. You've created a version of what has happened, and you've been clear to enforce boundaries. You work at a hospital, so they should know already. There's certain things they should. This whole vacant thing is a narrative. Do you remember how we started this episode about stereotypes and perpetuating them? You challenging this is how you break that negativity, that implication, and what they're trying to imply. The best way to handle it is the way you have handled it. I very much know that you listen to the podcast by what you wrote in there. What you wrote, I was like, yeah, that's somebody who listens, that's somebody who listens to understand and is putting a lot of the things that I teach and discuss here on the podcast to work. You're putting it to work, and I love that for you. I think the way you handle it as you have done is you've written and been very clear. I think that it's important for you when they reply, for you to ask them the objective of pulling you aside. Because you need to make it clear to them that they have a duty of care to you, and at present they've been exercising that duty of care in accordance with your employment rights. But in pulling you aside to tell you that you looked vacant, where was the duty of care? Where was the consideration for your continued support? What were they trying to do when they do that? You need to question the motive and you need to do it in writing. So, whatever their response is, your response, part of your response. So I'm quite happy for you to share with me what their response is, but I want you what one of the things that you then need to do is question the objective. Because they have to handle you different. That's a fact. You can't go to someone after everything you've shared with them that you've been through, and they say, Oh, they saw you looking vacant. So are you implying that because I looked vacant? And this is the problem. If black women are not performing, then there's always something wrong with these people. If black women are not performing for you, there is a problem. If we're not smiling, we're aggressive. If we're quiet, we're aggressive. If we sneeze, we're violent. If we cough, it's loud. If we sigh, we're rude. If we blink, we're disrespectful. Fucking hell, mate. I think you need to question as you have done, and I think you need to think about what outcome you want. So is the outcome that you want them to be more aware and more um, they need to take more pause before they just come and ask you questions that are superfluous? Is it that you want them to recognize that they need to show empathy and take responsibility for what they say and the impact? Because if that's what it is, if that's what you want, that's why you need to challenge the objective in your next response to them based on whatever they say to you. Um, but that's how I would handle it personally. You're doing it. Um, and I just want to say that I'm so proud of you because despite how you felt, how small and how disrespected you felt, you still replied, you still put it in an email that was direct, impactful, concise, and without emotion, while still making it very clear what your expectations were. And I love that for you. Because not only are you taking charge of this situation, you are holding them accountable for being reckless in their approach towards you. And I love that for you. So hopefully that helps. I will reach out to you separately anyway, just to let you know that I've addressed your um dilemma here on the podcast, and obviously your anonymity has been protected as it would be for anybody who writes into the podcast. Before we get into Namdi Kanu and his recent conviction, I want to give a bit of context, especially for listeners who might not know this history. The Biafra War, also known as the Nigerian Civil War, was fought between the 6th of July 1967 to the 15th of January 1970. Two years, six months, and nine days. We're Igbo. Yes, I have done my ancestry DNA. I am 1% Jamaican, but I am Ibo, a very, very proud Nigerian Ibo woman. So the Biafra War, it started after the eastern region where many of us Ibo people are from declared itself an independent state called Biafra. That declaration came after a series of coups, political tensions, and brutal massacres of night of Ibo people in the north. The federal government rejected Biafra's independence, and that disagreement became a full civil war. As I previously mentioned, the war lasted two and a half years and was devastating. It estimates say that hundreds and thousands to up to two to three million people died, and most of them civilians. A lot of those deaths were from starvation and disease because of the blockades around Biafra, not just from bullets and bombs. For many Ibo families, including mine, the war is not distant history. It's something our parents and grandparents lived through, and it still shapes how we feel about safety, justice, and Nigeria today. And um the indigenous people of Biafra are part of the long story. The indigenous people of Biafra is a movement that says Biafra should exist again as a separate state, and Innamdi Kanu has become a very symbolic figure in that struggle. So recently, a Nigerian court convicted him on terrorism-related charges and sentenced him to life imprisonment, saying his broadcasts and orders incited violent attacks in the Southeast. Supporters see him as a freedom fighter, and the state calls him a security threat. So in this episode, I'm not just talking about a court case in isolation. I'm talking about as an Igbo woman, as someone whose community still carries the memory of Biafra. And I want to unpack what his conviction means legally, politically, and emotionally for Igbo people, for Nigeria, and for people who care about self-determination and state power. So legally, Namdi Kanu's conviction is the Nigerian state very clearly saying that his style of agitation for Biafra is a crime under Nigerian law. The court found him guilty on seven terrorism-related charges, things like inciting um incitement to violence, leading a prescribed organization, the Indigenous People of Biafra, and using broadcast to encourage attacks and sit-at-home orders that turned deadly in the Southeast. The judge basically drew a line and said self-determination might be political might be a political right. But once you step outside the Nigerian constitution and your words or orders are linked to violence, the state will treat that as terrorism. That's why he's given um that's why Namdi Khani was given life imprisonment instead of the death penalty that prosecutors wanted. The judge explicitly said he was tempering justice with mercy and also pointed to the global move away from capital punishment. Politically, the conviction is huge. For the federal government, it's a warning shot to any separatist or militant group. Abuja is willing, and Abuja is the capital of Nigeria, is willing to use the full force of anti-terror laws against people it believes are destabilizing the country. So for many IBO people and supporters of Biafra, it will feel like something else entirely. A continuation of how the state has treated the Southeast since the Biafra War, and proof that political grievances are being handled with handcuffs and prisons rather than dialogue or a referendum. Namdi Kanu's supporters will see him as a political prisoner. I definitely see Namdi Khanu as a political prisoner, and the state is framing him as an international terrorist. That gap is how he is seen. Hero versus threat is where a lot of the tension and potential unrest now sits, not just in the southeast, but in Nigeria and in how Nigeria as a whole handles dissent and ethnic politics going forward. From a personal angle as a Nigerian woman, it lands very heavy. It means conversations about Biafra are now tempered. And it does like make me question how I people are seen in Nigeria. Um there's always been tribal tensions in Nigeria, but the Biafra War solidified a lot. I have an uncle, my dad's elder brother, who fought in the Biafra War, and till this day, he has never ever shared with us his experiences, he's traumatized. He doesn't talk about it. And um my dad barely spoke about it, and it's a shame because now what I know, all the research, all the conversations that I've had with my family, I wish that's a conversation I had because my dad lived through it. Um I do see Namdi Kano as a political prisoner, and the fact that the prosecution was seeking the death penalty speaks volumes. Now, Namdi Kanu um wants the independence of the Ibo people, effectively, that's what he wants it. So when we talk about indigenous people of Biafra, it's made up mainly of Igbo people. So in Nigeria, I'm from the Southeast and Southeastern, and um there is a lot of history, there's a lot of pain, and I think you can hear a bit of the pain in our voice because when you've really done the research and you've really understood the history of the Igbo people, like we've been through a lot. Um, we had our own the famine that rained and ravaged the Ibo community and people, like it was a lot, it was very heavy. So I feel like freedom of speech and freedom of wanting to separate is what is fueling this, and a lot of people say, listen, if people then go on and decide to be violent, why should that be on the head of Namdi Khanu who is seeking peace through the separation and wanting Igbo people to be to be recognized the the indigenous people of Yafra to be recognized as an independent state, they have their own flag. Um and if you speak to a lot of Ibo people and really have a conversation, they want a separate um country, they do, they want to separate, and it is heavy, it is upsetting to know that um Namdi Carnel has is had got a life in prison, and it and there was a lot of constitution contraventions as well as part of his case. And I feel like to really understand the impact of his life imprisonment that it's really to understand that Nigeria as a country is a problem. There's a lot of instability in the north that nobody wants to talk about that has always been there. And you may think the president is the president, but he's not a he's just the forward-facing president. The people who are pulling the strings are not even Tinibu, and Tinabu is the president, he's not him, he's just a puppet, he's an international puppet, as far as I'm concerned. And I'm up I'm exercising my freedom of speech to say this as a Nigerian woman. All you all I want is peace, but part of that peace has to be considered in the best interest of the Ibo people and to have that dialogue. But Nigeria will never let go of the Igbo people. We know why, we understand why, but there are people who want a separate state. I don't think I'll I'll ever see that in my lifetime, to be honest. Um, and I would love to get somebody on the podcast to discuss this further because the education that sits behind it is so important, and I am an Igbo woman before I am anything else. So, yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna leave it there on that note, and I do want to thank everybody for all their love and support for the Toy Talks podcast, the platform for Sister Scribble for me as a person, as an individual, for all my listeners, um, my my loyal listeners, for new listeners as well, who have discovered the platform, welcome. And we're just gonna continue to do this thing. We're just gonna continue to do this thing, and yeah, I'm just so happy to even be able to operate in my creativity, which includes the podcast, and just be able to have that freedom to speak, to share, to guide, and to educate. If you haven't already, go ahead and leave a comment in wherever you listen to the podcast. Rate and review the podcast, not just the episode, but yeah, you can rate and review the episode too, of course. If you want to follow me on social media, my um Instagram page is private, it's Toya underscorewashington. But we do have the Toyota Talks podcast Instagram page, which is Toya underscore talks, and of course the Sister Scribble Instagram is Sister Scribble, but everything, all that information will be in the show notes. If you are wanting to collaborate, brands want to work with me, make it make sense. Hello at toytalks.com. And if you have a life-related or career or work-related dilemma, your anonymity will always be protected. Make it clear in the subject box that it's a dilemma, and email hello at toytalks.com. I hope you've learned something. I hope the conversation continues in your group chats. I hope you follow me on social media as well as the podcast. And if you can rate and review, share your thoughts. And I thank you so much again for listening. My name is Toy Washington, and you have been listening to the Toy Talks podcast.