Toya Talks Podcast

Golden Handcuffs

• Toya Washington • Season 2 • Episode 184

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Power makes itself felt in our bills, our jobs, and our beliefs and this week we trace that line from Arctic ice to everyday life. We unpack why Greenland has become a pressure point, how tariff threats could ripple through British businesses, and what a fraying “special relationship” means for a post‑Brexit UK with less leverage at the table. It’s not just geopolitics; it’s the cost of silence, the value of sovereignty, and the real climate stakes as ice sheets melt and shipping routes open to new competition.

Culture mirrors power too. Drewski’s viral church skit hits because it spotlights a truth many have lived: pastors dressed in luxury while congregations struggle to eat. We share raw personal stories of seeking refuge and finding exploitation, and we ask what modesty, stewardship, and care should look like when faith is put into practice. The point isn’t to sneer at belief; it’s to defend community against grift and to reclaim the simple standard that leadership serves people first.

Then we shift to the world of work and name a trap many high earners won’t admit: golden handcuffs. When a salary outpaces learning, mobility shrinks and fear grows. We offer a practical path forward extract skills that translate across industries, win visible outcomes tied to money or risk, build a small parallel income stream, and document impact so you hold leverage before burnout hits. For women, especially Black women navigating under promotion and overexposure, that strategy is protection. Pair it with urgent up-skilling in AI and data to avoid a new divide: technological inequality layered on top of pay gaps.

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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star

Stationary Company: Sistah Scribble



SPEAKER_02:

Between Donald Trump trying to purchase Greenland, Drewski's church skit, and members of the Conservative Party and the Labour Party defecting to reform UK, and in between all of that, we have Brini Lee discussing modesty in a way that honestly is. I'm starting to think that we need a podcast episode every week. But I'm here today, and I'm here to break things down to you, let you know what's going on in the world and how they affect us, and of course, the world of work. I'm also going to be introducing to you the concept of golden handcuffs. We'll be speaking all things Greenland and all the things in between. Welcome to the Toy Talks podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Toy and Talks, Council of States, a corporate space, progenitarian setting taste from goldman's acts to PWC. Building legacies for all to see. This lecture couldn't stop this flow. Masters of the game we show. Every sister how to own their throat. Let me show you how to get an elevate, that's what we do.

SPEAKER_02:

So a couple of weeks ago, I was on um Instagram and I was discussing um Donald Trump and his invasion, because that's the only way you could describe it. Invasion and kidnapping of the Venezuelan president and his wife, um, who were then um put on a uh a US-owned vessel shipped over to the um the US to New York to stand trial on um terrorism charges. Um and when I was discussing it, I was like seeing people's timelines, and you can really tell people who are really uneducated, like to the point where I understand, I think it's China, who have basically said you have to have a certain academic level to be able to discuss certain political things, and I actually understand why why they're doing that because I feel like when you're dealing with um like geopolitics and you're talking about things that actually impact uh like directly us, um, or uh or has a geographical impact, people really don't understand past the issue, and it's really scary when like it's it's almost like maybe something happens in Africa, and because I'm African, I then claim or purport to then understand all things African when in fact I don't know all things African. Do you understand? Like, just because I'm African doesn't mean I know everything that happens in Africa. I take the time to actually go and do the research. I really love to understand and look at kind of what happens behind that, and then look at things like from a political perspective, a social perspective, and actually how it impacts wider policy. Like I think about those things, but you can tell people who are emotionally educated. Um, when I say emotionally educated, they're educated in their own emotions, but they don't see past their own emotions to look at things from a perspective that doesn't garner emotion, they don't look at things practically, and I've had to like literally like delete a load of people um and follow quite a lot of people, and there's still people in purgatory where they will probably be deleted, like not muted, completely removed from my timeline because I don't actually want to see or hear what they have to say because I never learn anything, and I just feel like my brain cells are frazzled. I'd learn more from watching Baddies, Baddies, or is it Bad Girls Club, whatever it's called, I'd learn more out of that than some of the people's timelines that that post and repost bullshit. Um when uh Donald Trump went into Venezuela, it's not like he went there and he didn't have people on the ground who were double agents that were assisting him in being able to navigate Venezuela in the thick of night to kidnap the Prime Minister and his wife. Now, irrespective of kind of the reason, irrespective of kind of what's been going on in that country, and I say I say irrespective, it's more I think everything has its own importance. But to go to a sovereign country and kidnap an elected official is crazy, and the amount of international law that was broken, but more importantly, that wasn't signed off by US Congress, it's scary times. So to now un to now be confronted as we all have been with um Donald Trump has basically said that um 10% tariffs will be applied to the UK and Europe for those who pe for those countries who do not support his purchase of Greenland. He wants to purchase a country. Do you understand? Like his behaviour has escalated past his behavior of with what happened with Venezuela. And you know what the crazy thing is? Kia Starmer looks weak as a prime minister. He is weak. He failed to condemn the um, he failed to condemn the international laws that were broken in what Donald Trump did. And you see, the thing is when you when you are silent, you are complicit. And people think silence absorbs them from responsibility. No, it sets you up for your own misfortune. When you're in a position and you are holding a certain seat like a prime minister, you have to rule in a way that is not just fairness in politics. I don't know, even know how to describe fairness, but you have to rule in a way that has shows a level of strength. You have to stand for something or you will fall for anything. So when what happened in Venezuela happened, uh Keostarma was asked about his thoughts on it, and effectively said he didn't even know about it. So he found out the same time as us. But now it's a little bit more closer to home. Donald Trump is operating like a crazy dictator. So he's now decided that he wants to purchase Greenland. So I've done a lot of research on Greenland to understand why, how, and is it possible, and what is the motivation of Donald Trump. So Greenland is a large Arctic island, it's part of the Kingdom of Denmark, and then it and Greenland is self-governing, but Denmark handles the defense and foreign affairs of Greenland. It's geographically important because it sits between North America and Europe and is a gateway to the Arctic. So Donald Trump has publicly stated that the US should buy or even take control of Greenland. He argues it's critical to the security against Russia and China because of its natural resources. So it has natural resources in minerals, rare earth elements, and potential um oil and gas, potentially oil and gas. The Greenland government has firmly rejected the idea that the US should buy, own, or control Greenland, and that their future should be decided by Greenlanders and Denmark alone. So European countries and the NATO response has been um UK, Denmark, France, and other countries have responded by sending troops into Greenland on a joint exercise. Um and their motivation for doing that is to show that if there was some type of attack or invasion by Russia and China, that they could defend Greenland without the need of the US. So because the European countries and the UK have sent troops into Greenland doing this joint exercise, the US have taken this really badly because it's signal the way Donald Trump has taken it is it's an act of defiance that Europe and UK are going to stand together to defend Greenland. That's how Donald Trump has taken this. So his reaction then has included threats of tariffs, which he has said he will impose from February an additional 10% on UK and European countries in terms of tariffs for those who do not support the US attempt to purchase or control Greenland. And he has said that he's targeting several NATO countries, and as far as he's concerned, he will continue to raise those tariffs until European countries and the UK agree for the US to take control or own, buy, purchase, whatever Greenland. So the UK government has said Greenland's future is non-negotiable and should be decided only by the Greenlanders and by Denmark. Keystama has condemned the tariff threats and framed them as harmful to transatlantic corporation. The UK is trying to avoid a trade war, saying tariffs would hurt British businesses and the diplomacy, that diplomacy is the best route forward. Now, if you look at it from a geopolitical perspective and defense, Greenland's location, so where Greenland is located, it gives a strategic control over parts of the Arctic, an area of rising geopolitical competition among major powers like the US, Russia, and China. Control over Greenland would enhance military positioning and access to Arctic shipping routes. So you can understand now where the issue sits. Where Greenland is positioned, it gives a strategic advantage that we, the UK, can't afford Russia or China to have. And the US are terrified of Russia or China kind of edging forward to kind of have any type of control or influence over Greenland. But when we look at the relationship between the UK and the US, which has always been dubbed as a special relationship, UK's lack of support of the US buying um or controlling Greenland has meant that it has placed a strain on that relationship, and that special relationship is becoming withered. And this is what happens when the US don't have any respect. Like Donald Trump does not respect Keystama whatsoever. If he did, he wouldn't. You see, the pro the problem that the UK have is that we're no no longer part of the European Union. We have no strength. We have no power. The biggest problem that we have here in the UK is Brexit. When we agreed to exit Europe, I don't people did people voted um for Brexit because of immigration. We still have those immigration problems, they're probably worse. But from a geopolitical perspective, it's put us in the worst position ever because we are literally begging at every table. We're begging at the European Union table, we're begging at the table of the US, and we have no power. And lack of power means lack of respect. And it's actually really uncomfortable to watch as Keir Starmer fails to condemn or criticize Trump and the decisions he makes because he knows that the US have us over a barrel. We can't afford increase in tariffs. It would be a disaster. We're already dealing with the cost of living crisis and the cost of every crisis happening here in the UK. Then you add tariffs to it and affect businesses who are already affected. It is a recipe for disaster. So I guess like the main points that I think takeaway from what's happening in it with Greenland is that Greenland is not for sale. Um local government and residents are saying no, they they want to remain as they are. Um and the US weights uh wants it for security and resources. The UK wants diplomacy and not tariffs or conflict, but Greenland's climate changes affect us all, and there are they are going through climate change at the moment. Um, so Greenland's huge ice sheets are melting rapidly due to global warming. This melting contributes to um global sea level rises and can affect weather patterns and ocean currents which matter to the UK and the whole world. I think what is really important to understand here is in the same way Donald Trump wanted to purchase Canada, he thinks countries are up for sale. And somebody who has that perspective doesn't respect the um sovereignty of any country and therefore doesn't respect um duly elected uh process of any independent sovereign country. And somebody who does not respect that can go in the middle of the night, kidnap an elected prime minister and his his wife and ship them to the UK, um, ship them to the US and have them face charges. Can you see the domino effect of when you become complicit in doing nothing, you start to see somebody garnering enough confidence and power to think that they can do what they want. Kia Starmer needs to stand up and he needs to show some strength. I personally think it's too late for Starmer. I think with all the defections that are happening in uh in politics here in the UK, with a lot of members of parliament that sit within um the different parties defecting to reform UK, is also showing how fragile the Labour Party is. Um and it's also showing that politics in this country is is is literally on a tightrope. So you can then see how it kind of falls into the lack of strength and the the lack of a strong voice of the UK to condemn Trump. You know, I and it's it's it's it's crazy to me. In in my mind, the first question I ask is what could Trump do for Keir Starmer to rise up and say this is unacceptable? Short of invading Greenland, and even then, I think he'd still try and call him and say, Can we talk about it? It's just pathetic. So I want to move on slightly to um members of the Conservative and Labour Party defect into Reform UK. Do you remember what I said to you guys last year? If care is not taken, Reform UK is gonna run this country. Did I not tell you? So it's not like I'm pulling this out of my ass crack. I'm telling you guys because I can see how this is going and it doesn't look good. And if Reform UK um run this country, if you think racism is bad now in the UK, you haven't seen anything. And you see how you uh US have ICE, you see our version of ICE here because you know uh Nigel Farage doesn't have an identity of his own. I really think he idolizes Trump, so he emulates a lot of what Trump does. So you can expect there to be a mirror image of what's happening in the US to be happening here, and we're teetering on the edge of that anyway. Nadem Zahawe is a senior conservative politician. Um, he was once the Chancellor of the Exchequer, um, and he is the highest profile conservative party member to have defected and joined Reform UK to date. His reasons for defecting is he's criticised the Conservative Party as a defunct brand and said the UK needs Nigel Farage as Prime Minister, and he framed his defection to Reform UK as a political necessity and change rather than per personal ambition. Now, the only issue here is rumour has had it and is alleged that he was seeking some type of peerage, and um Kemi Bedanock did not kind of submit him for these peer peerages, so he was like, you know what, fuck it, I'm off. He knows the impact that his defection would have, um, and it comes amid a spike in conservative defections to Reform UK, many citing dis dissatisfaction with the party's direction and the appeal of Nigel Farage's platform. But to really understand what is happening in politics, Reform UK is just a more radically racist version of the Conservative Party, in my opinion. But the problem that we have here in the UK is if you don't want to vote Conservatives and you don't want to vote Labour, who are you gonna vote for? Who? Because the options are just not there now. Um what's his name now? Oh god, I can't even I can't remember his name. It's gone out of my head. But he he created a part what's his name now? I can see his face in my head. He was once uh a Labour party leader, I can't remember his name. Oh god, didn't he have a relationship with Diane Abbott? I can't remember his name. Um, and if it comes to me, I'll tell you guys. But there was meant to be a party that was created that was more to the ethos of what Labour would was, and that hasn't come off, that hasn't happened. People have been talking about the Green Party, but we haven't heard much from the Green Party. Do you know long are the days when political parties would start campaigning from now? Do you know what I mean? Start building up their brand. You see, you look at US politics and even the new um mayor of New York, you you see like the passion, you see like the campaign strategy. I feel like the UK are lazy in politics. Once they get the votes, they fuck off and do what they want. They act like all their party promises were all a figment of our imaginations. But if I was to say to you, who would you vote for today? If if there was a vote for the next Prime Minister or the next party to take control, who would you vote for? Because I'm telling you now, I probably wouldn't vote. And I I am almost ashamed to say that because I know what it's meant for for women to be able to vote here in the UK. I don't ignore that history, but the point is there's no point voting for a party I truly don't believe in, or voting um and not being convicted in in the party politics of who I'm voting for. But it's a really scary time right now because I don't think we have alternatives. So when it's time to vote, would there be record numbers of people who don't vote? And then you have a party that w wins by default, it places us in a worse situation. But it's such a shame the way politics in the UK have evolved to a point where there's no clear respected leader, there's no shared um understanding of the party line and politics, the defections from and the senior level politicians defecting from these parties to reform signals a problem, especially because Nadine Zia Zedawe, he is a uh I think he's originally Iraqi. So I don't and he's also condemned in the past. I think it's 2015, he condemned Nigel Farage quite harshly and quite rightly. Um, labeling him uh a racist, a racist party. So to think that he's now joined that party, and the only reason why he's there is because I think that his political ambitions weren't being met in the Conservative Party. It's really scary times because if you can trade in your soul for reform UK, we're all fucked. Let's move the conversation slightly. Who you know Drusky? Is he is he a comedian or is he a streamer? I don't know what Drusky is, but what he is is an entertainer. So recently, Drewski did a skit and he based it on like being a church pastor, and he basically came from the ceiling. He was like propelled mid-air wearing Christian Dior top, um, um uh Louuton um shoes, and I it is the it is so funny, and he base it's basically satire, and it is taking real experiences and events and showing it to us in HD, slapping some humor on it, confronting a lot of the diabolical actions of pastors or people purporting to be pastors who are swindling, embezzling, and taking the piss out of a congregation who truly come there to seek um uh spiritual refuge and a connection to God. Having been brought up in a church um and seeing the evolution of church, and then as an adult pursuing my own journey in religion and going to various churches, Drewski's skit was very on brand. Sorry, but it was. And he hit home some really key messages about, you know, you go in, you go to church, right? And I remember when my father died, and I was just looking for I was looking for, I was looking for comfort, I was looking for covering, and not being able to feel comfortable in myself because the person who made the world make sense was my dad, and he had died, and I hadn't had a chance to say goodbye. I didn't know how to live in a world without my father. I'd already made two attempts on my life, and I was literally disintegrating as a person. I was poor, I had no money, I was signing on, I was depressed, my mum was making my life a living hell, and I was grieving and still trying to figure out like what the fuck am I supposed to do with my life, and I don't want to be here anymore. To then go to a church and having been raised and culturally been shown that the church is home, so you're looking for this home, and you go in poor, poor in spirit, poor in mind, poor in money, and you're sitting in the church, and the pastor, I think he called himself even a bishop. How does he become a bishop? I just didn't understand that. Anyway, let's not talk about um how I I don't know these titles and how they gain these titles. I don't know, is this a vote? Like, is it a congregation vote? I don't know. Anyway, and the past I never forget it. This bishop stroke pastor then says, I come here every week, and every week I come here. Do you know how what it takes me to drive here? Who's putting the petrol in my car? Who's feeding me? And I'm asking you to donate, and you can't even put your hands in your pocket and donate. So, how is the word of God supposed to reach your ears if the garden is empty? He said, if you're not willing to sow seeds, how do you expect to harvest? He says, There is no flock, because the flock refused to pay um to feed the shepherd. This is what a bishop stroke pastor said. I didn't even have a pound. I the only money I had was my transport costs to get to church. I hadn't eaten that day. I only had enough money for KFC chicken wings. Is he telling me I should give him that chicken wing money and go to bed starving? How will I function to go to work the next day? I watched a woman put money, her hand in her pocket, she said it's her last£10, and I watched her give the money. She was then asking at the end of the service if somebody can help her to get home. She has no money. And the Bishop Stroke Pastor took that woman's money. I went that was the last time I went to that church. Because when I was growing up in the church, that's not what I was taught, that's not what I saw. I saw if there was somebody struggling, the congregation will rally around that person and make sure that they have money to eat, at least go to work that week. Do you understand? But now the church has turned into a money-making machine where your pastor is looking richer than rich. And I'm not saying pastors shouldn't be rich, that's not what I'm saying. But if your converse congregation is weary, poor, hungry, and destitute, and you're rolling around in a bends, in a bentley, with Louis Batons, Louis Vuitton handbag, new shirt every every every week from Christine Dior, I'm gonna ask I'm gonna start asking questions because something ain't right. Something is not right. If your congregation are looking to you as somebody who's preaching the word of God, they see your they see you as touched, at least akin to you know a higher relationship with God, which God is telling you as a pastor that me that I can't afford tampons, I should use my last two pounds to give to you for your own Christian ambitions. My Christian ambition is to get here to free to get the word of God so that I can continue with my life. There has to be a balance between doing what you can and God understanding you're doing your best. And this is my problem with Christianity because some of these churches are wild. That bishop stroke pastor. When I stopped going to that church, do you know that this man would ring me every single day, sometimes three times a day, four times a day, and he'd call on a block number. I know this because when I picked up the call the first time I heard him, I said I'll call him back, and I never called him again because now I know how he calls. This man harassed me. Harassed me. And I realized he harassed me because he's seeing me as a lifeline. That I'm poor today, I will not be poor tomorrow. Maybe he saw something in me, and he thinks that I'm gonna fund his Christian ambitions so that he can go on tour. These times I can't even get to church. Do you know how crazy that is? To tell your pastor or your bishop that you have no money to eat, they pray for you and ask you to go, not even to give you one pound to go and eat. I'm sorry, I feel like some pastors don't know the role they're supposed to play. If you're looking for God to bless you, but you cannot, and that's a God you can't see, but the person in front of you is starving, you can't even feed them. Do you think God is going to be listening to you? I don't understand this type of Christianity people are doing. I have no problems with you being a rich pastor, but not at the expense of your congregation. I'm sorry. No, there's always a fundraiser, there's always a roof that needs repairing, there's always a mission that you need to go on, but what is the mission to uplift your congregation the same way you're using the money to uplift your wardrobe? They don't want to have that conversation. I'm telling you right now, you know, like when I go out, yeah, you have these people trying to recruit for their churches. I will always avoid them. But there's some that are rooted to the cause. Yeah. So I remember, was it last year? I think it was last year. The woman said to me, Uh, if you want to make it to the kingdom of heaven, you have to come to church. I said, shut up. She was standing in my face, you know. I'm telling you, I know what she had for lunch. That's how close she was. Her breath stank. I said, shut up. So you think by harassing me you're going to the kingdom of heaven? Is that what you think? You think you're doing the Lord's work? That this is not the Lord never asked you to harass me. He didn't ask you to come so close that I can smell your breath. I said, get out of here. Don't stand in front of me. And I don't want your leaflet. And she goes, Well, I'm trying to save your soul. I said, save your own soul. How do you know my soul is not saved? How? I've just come to Tesco's here to come and collect a few things, and already you've diagnosed that my soul is not saved. But this woman here is lying here, homeless on here, sleeping here in a tent. Look at her. Did you even go into this same Tesco's to even buy her a sandwich or a bottle of water? No. But it's my soul you're trying to save. Honey, your soul is in the bin. The bin, that bin right next to the woman that's sleeping rough here. Yeah. I opened my bag, gave the woman that was sleeping rough a bottle of water and a sandwich. I just left it outside there. Can you see this type of Christianity that people are operating in that doesn't work? So when they're trying to minister onto me, don't minister onto me. Don't do it. I my dad was a pastor until I was about 18 years old. And then obviously my father got ill and had to step down. I've seen a lot in a church. Let me tell you, I've seen a lot in a church. I've been to different, different churches looking for what I felt was my salvation. And I realized that my salvation is not in a church. I felt the most peace in when I converted to Islam. I'm not gonna lie to you. I felt the most peace within myself when I converted to Islam. And the only reason why I didn't continue to practice Islam is because of the backlash my dad got um as a past of the church when I converted. There was a lot of conversations that I had with certain people, and you know, one thing I love about my dad is he when we got to 18, my dad said to us, me and my brothers, is like I've introduced like when we individually turned 18, he would always say, I've introduced you to Christianity, I've introduced you to religion. You have to find your own path and your own relationship with God. Like this is your path to walk down. My job was to teach you, to guide you, to use religion to show you. I've introduced you to the Bible, but your choice in terms of your path has to be between you and God. That to me was probably the best thing that my dad ever done for me. And I think I've said this before on the podcast, I'm saying it again. Because what we're what Drewski has done is he's made a lot of pastors uncomfortable. That's why you see a lot of pastors talking now and trying to condemn Drewski, but that's because they he's hit several nerves of the truth. Because if Drewski wasn't, if Drewski didn't have if if this was not the things that we all witnessed, Drewski wouldn't have content to make into satire. Do you understand what I'm saying? So I think a lot of the pastors that are talking now and they have a big issue. All of them are having issues wearing Louis Vuitton, Prada, Gucci, Fendi, Christian Dior, while your congregation are starving. It doesn't make sense to me personally. It doesn't. So for me, Drewski's skit is very much. I'm gonna see if I can find a link put in the show notes. I was laughing my guts out. There was even this bit within the skit where someone from the congregation went to Drewski and was like, I need some money, I need to eat, whatever he was saying. And Drewski was like, Ah, I had a fundraiser, I had a fund. Did you put money in the fund? The guy was like, No. And he said, Well, get off my Bentley, don't touch my Bentley, and zoomed off. And I was like, Yeah. Yeah. If anyone in your congregation is starving, if anyone in your congregation is suffering, if anyone in your congregation don't know where to lay their head, but you are expecting that same congregation to fundraise so you can continue to visit self-fridges and arrows, is a problem. I'm sick and tired of seeing pastors wearing designer goods when your congregation can't even afford Primark. And you know what the crazy thing is, these pastors will tell you every passage of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation to Paul to Sam. Right down to Matthew. They can tell you every qu and they know every single Bible verse that justifies their bad behavior. Every single I have no problem with you wearing what you want to wear, pastors, but we the congregation should not be left with the bill to fund your your your your um designer obsessions. It's bullshit. These times someone from your congregation has broken down, they can't play um, they can't change their tire. In fact, the car is kaput, but you're driving evently and you'll drive past them on the way to church. Bullshit, innit? Nonsense. But I guess staying on that church theme, I want to talk a little bit about Britney Lee. Okay. Briny Lee, um, for those of you who do know her, we all know like YouTube, that whole content creation. I think I've spoken about Britney Lee before, you know, on the podcast. But she's going through this whole modesty thing, she's like got a modesty line. I think something that really confuses me about Briny Lee is why is it that men are always at the center of her crusades? Because when you talk about a modesty line, you are talking about men. Stop it. Because who are you being modest for? They'll say I'm being modest for Christ. Christ didn't ask us to be modest, he didn't come, he said, Come on, Lelyn, I want you to be modest. What is this about? I feel like Renee Lee is confused. There is nothing wrong with going on a journey and evolving, there's nothing wrong with it. But um her her um her I'm trying to be PC because she's a sister and I'm trying to respect that element of things, but I'm really getting sick and tired of this whole pick me thing, this pick me vibe, this whole modesty, and it's almost like we're just gonna erase a lot of our bad choices and pretend that they didn't happen because we're on this new crusade, and it's uncomfortable, the clothes are awful. Can I say something to you? You don't have to be covered from neck to the bottom of your feet to be modest. I think modesty starts with your choices and your heart. Are you modest in the way you live your life? And the word modesty is very subjective, by the way. But I I think I speak more to you're gonna be judged by the content of your heart and how you live your life. Are you modest in the in your approach and your interaction with your fellow uh ladies and gentlemen? Are you clean in your mind? Are you have you got a clean heart? How are you leading your life? And this is what I say to people I'm a spiritualist, I don't subscribe to a prescribed religion. However, do not be surprised if I revert back to Islam because that was where I felt the most peace, that's where I feel more aligned from a religious perspective, is in Islam. For now, I definitely more spiritual, um, but I take and adopt a lot of um a lot of principles from Islam. So, for example, I don't eat pork, don't believe in that whatsoever. Um, I think I still have my Quran. I need to I need to look, oops, sorry, I need to look for it, but I definitely think I still have it. Um, and I definitely want to go back to like like finding an imam, like you know, when I was in North London, it was easier because we had a lot of mosques in in in um North London, whereas where I live now, I don't even think I've seen one mosque. Do you know what I mean? I would love to kind of if I found a mosque, I feel like I would start that journey again, to be honest. But I'm just gonna allow my spirit to lead me where it's supposed to, and where I'm supposed to land is where I'll land. Do you know what I mean? But with Vanillia, I just I'm very confused about her. I'm really interested to hear your comments, you know. Especially, I want to hear from people who really like support and agree with her. I want to hear from you people too, because I'm trying to understand why everything is so men-centric, men focused. Those clothes that she says are modest are just I mean, what what are you gonna wear when you go on holiday? I don't understand. Oh, in the summer, are you gonna wear long sleeve t-shirts all the way to do neck to du flour? It's not making sense, man. And I feel like Briny Lee went through a lot on social media, especially that whole like, was it Kojo? Was it Kojo?

SPEAKER_01:

I can't remember, but I dragged her up and down.

SPEAKER_02:

Anyway, let me not say much. You know, I'm trying to just keep it, you know. But the reason I'm calling out Briny Lee is because this modesty thing was doing my brain. I was like, what is all of this? And then you know, now she's I think she's cleaned up herself and she's saying I'm modesty now. Uh uh, why does modesty not have makeup? Uh-oh. No my god, when I'm in purgatory, waiting to go to heaven. Me, I'll be wearing makeup. I want to look good. I want to look good. Even God said, you know, that I should present myself in the way I would like to be received, I'll be anyway. Let's move on. So I'm definitely gonna do a TikTok about this, but before I take it to TikTok, I wanted to speak to you all about a concept called golden handcuffs, and I think it's really, really important because I feel like people talk about other concepts, but they never talk about the golden handcuffs, and a lot of people find themselves in this position. So, golden handcuffs is the idea that a job pays you too well to leave, even when it's no longer serving you. So typically you're in a high paying role, you've got the salary, you've got the bonus, you've got the benefits, and maybe you're even earning six figures or in the high six figures. On paper, it looks like success, but in reality, you're stuck. Now you're stuck because if you were to leave that role, Whether to move sectors, pivot careers, or even in the same job, but just elsewhere, the market is paying significantly less. So your salary becomes the restraint. You're not staying in your role because you're fulfilled, you're staying because the pay drop feels impossible. That's the handcuff. What makes um this like difficult and what's worsening this whole golden handcuffs is the economic backdrop. So the current labor market is such that it's the worst in unemployment in the last five years. This is the worst unemployment figures that we're seeing. So the market is showing a stagnant job market, hiring freezes, redundancies, fewer senior roles, promotions are slowing or disappearing altogether. So even if you want to progress, climb, or move laterally, there's nowhere to go. You're locked into the same responsibilities, the same pressure, the same role with no rule growth. And because of inflation, mortgages, childcare, and the cost of living pressures, taking a pay cut isn't a realistic option for many people. So the job stops being a choice and starts becoming a trap. That's the golden handcuff. So I feel like there is a part of this golden handcuffs where people don't talk enough about um how golden handcuffs don't just cost you mobility, but it costs you skill stagnation, um, erosion of confidence, energy, creativity, and options. You're not learning at the pace you should be, you're not building transferable leverage, you're not even expanding your professional identity. And over time, the longer you stay, the riskier it is, and the riskier it becomes to leave because your CV becomes tied to one environment, one salary band, and one way of working. Golden handcuffs don't mean you're ungrateful, they don't mean you're entitled, and it definitely doesn't mean you failed. Golden handcuffs mean the salary has outpaced the market, but not the growth. And when money becomes the only reason for you to stay, it quietly removes your power. That's golden handcuffs. It's I feel like with golden handcuffs, especially in this market, it it's difficult because, in one hand, you know, I was speaking to you guys two weeks ago about job hugging, and I posted on my TikTok about job hugging, and the general consensus is everyone's holding on to their jobs because the market is bad, bad. But add job hugging to golden handcuffs, and you also have that personal professional stagnation, the erosion of confidence, the erosion of skilling up, and the fear of leaving. Because knowing that you want to progress, but possibly looking at roles that are paying you significantly less, you become handcuffed to your current position where you don't move up, you don't grow, you don't learn, you're tied and handcuffed to the money. It's not a great position to be in. And I wanted to discuss the concept here because there are people that go through that, and people don't talk about it because it's like, well, you're on six figures, or you're you're on the high end of the six figures, so you shouldn't complain. But some people don't want to stop at the six figures, they still want to grow, and that six figure grows with them. Do you know what I mean? Like, for me, definitely, I'm one of those people that always wants to grow, always wants to learn. So the current market is affecting everybody on different pay scales, and that's what I really want to highlight today. Um, so yes, that's the concept of golden handcuffs. So obviously, I then looked at okay, so what's the solution? Like, how do you break golden handcuffs? So, breaking golden handcuffs is not about quitting your job tomorrow, especially in this current labour market, I would not advise it. But it is about reclaiming leverage while you're still inside the role. Because for many women, particularly black women, the risk calculation is completely different. We're more likely to be overqualified, underpromoted, and definitely underprotected and financially responsible for more than just ourselves. So the solution has to be strategic and not reckless. The biggest mistake people make is believing their salary is their value. It isn't. Your real asset are your skills, decision-making authority, industry knowledge, and problem-solving reputation. If you pay, if your pay is high, but your skills aren't clearly transferable outside your organization, that's where the handcuffs tighten. So I guess you have to ask yourself a couple of questions. And the one main question is: could I explain what I do in a way that another industry would pay for? If the answer is no, that's the work. So convert your job skill into a skill extraction exercise. So instead of asking, how do I move up in your current role? I guess the ask should be, what can I extract from this role that increases my power elsewhere? So that might look like leading a visible project, owning a commercial outcome, managing budgets, vendors, or strategy, or getting exposure to exec level decision making. For us black women, especially, this matters because we are often doing senior level work without title or mobility. You don't need permission to document your impact. And I think that's so important. And I always talk about your feedback folder as a kind of like the conscious of conscience documenting your impact. And I get it, like I spoke here a few weeks ago about wanting more challenges at work and being given certain opportunities. I've had to push for that through having a recognizable brand with senior members of staff in my organization outside of my team. So I'm being plugged into really senior stuff, and that has just come from managing my brand. And it's really difficult, especially if you come in new to a field or you haven't been there long. You know, you have that imposter syndrome already. How do you now become hypervisible to the decision makers so that you can take on greater responsibility and have that visibility? It's it's strategic, but it's not impossible. So the most dangerous time to plan an exit is when you're already burnt out. So breaking golden handcuffs means building options quietly, consulting or contracting on the side, speaking, writing, or thought leadership, freelance or advisory work, a parallel income stream, even if it's small. This isn't about side hustles for hustle's sake, it's about choice. Because once you have options, the job stops controlling you. And I've always said that like for me, you need options in a market that is so bad. If it's about skilling up, looking for outside things to enhance your knowledge, looking at how maybe in my field, for example, legislation has changed in my field. So I need to skill up myself. And whether that's being paid for at work, or I'm finding these courses paid or free, I'm on them courses. Um I think it's also important to redefine success on your terms. So breaking those golden handcuffs doesn't always mean a higher title, bigger salary, or a louder role. Sometimes it's more autonomy, more time, more alignment, more space to build something of your own. Especially for women and black women, success doesn't have to look like surviving inside systems that were never designed for us in the first place. And I think that's really important. Um, I'm definitely in a space in my career where I didn't think coming off of being a contractor for almost 10 years, I didn't realise that going perm potentially this is the job that I could be in until I retire. And that was quite confronting for me because I didn't take a perm role thinking about that. I took it because it's what my family needed, it's what I needed to be able to be the mother I am. But I'm actually at a um, you know, I'm at I think I'm at a point now where I'm thinking, okay, what does the next 10 years of my career look like? I'm at a crossroads, and I I have said this in previous podcast episodes, that certain stage in your careers you you have crossroads and they're very healthy to have. What's not great is being in a crossroads where the labor market is really bad, it's been the worst it's been in in five years, and we're watching like labor recession, that's what's happening. So I'm having to think about kind of where I want my career to go, like what my success looks like um within the next 10 years. Like I've been successful, but what else? Do you know what I mean? So it is in leadership, and you know, it's crazy because I'm operating at a direct level at least a director level. I'm at director level. I don't know why I'm stummering. I think it's just because hearing myself say it out loud and being told that has been quite confronting for me because I'm at director level and I don't think I'll be able to attain that in my current workplace, irrespective of what was agreed at the point of contract. Because if the opportunities are not there, how are you able to then lend yourself to those higher titles? Um, I definitely worry about the erosion of my skill set if stagnation creeps in. It's something that really worries me. And it's definitely something that when I work through, I'm gonna come back on a podcast and talk about it extensively because I think it's very important because when you are in your 40s, you're at that point, it's that middle point, right? Where you think, okay, where where do I go from here? Do I stay where I am and ride this wave and hopefully climb the ranks and retire in this role? Or am I looking, oh am I continuing to kind of go to, you know, am I going back to contracting? Am I looking for other organizations? Where are the other places I'd love to work? And what does success look like in those roles? Or is directorship really attainable where I am? And if it's not, is it attainable outside? And how am I going to get there and still be present in my home, do present as a mum? It's a really, really precurious stage to be in because I can't complain about where I'm at and how much I earn and the things I've been exposed to, which have been amazing, but I want more. And I I think there's nothing wrong in wanting more. Nothing. Because I think that your 40s are your prime, we continue to be our prime earning years. Your prime earning years, but then you one does need to think about okay, what does retirement look like? Especially with the retirement age increasing, from a career perspective. What does that look like? Irrespective of what I do on the side, like my side hustles, like Toyota Talks, the podcast, and sister scribble. There is a role that my career plays in my life that I've accepted, and it's been really important for my mental health, for my career direction. I've I know what my career means to me and why it's meant that to me. I've worked through it in therapy, but it is as important as all the other endeavors that I do outside of work, it's really important to me. It took me a long time to understand where my superpower and my skills sat, then having the opportunity to then feed those skills, study to the eyeballs, and reach an earning and earnings that I never even thought that was possible. To be in a position now whereby I now need to think of what the next 10 years looks like is very important because I had children a bit later in in life. My daughter's two, she's gonna be three in a few months, so she's gonna be going through education. I want to be able to have the option to put her through private education if I want to. That requires me to earn, that requires my husband to earn. Do you understand? Am I gonna have another child? That's quite confronting. Women, we are we really have a lot to think about. We do. Am I gonna have another child? Because if I am gonna have another child, that adds a different dimension to my career planning, because it's not about the next 10 years, probably about the next 30 years of my career, four, five, six, seven. I'll probably retire in my 70s if retirement is still a thing. Because I don't know if I really believe in retirement, but then even if you don't, if the market believes in retirement and you start looking like retirement, the market will treat you like you're retired. So I have all those things to think about. Um, if I'm not gonna have another child, then I have to really continue to grow my career at a really rapid level now because you know, I I also want the opportunity to enjoy my life, and it's enjoying my life will mean stacking, investing, all the other things so that I can, you know, rest a little bit, like not having to work. Like I've got a colleague, he works three days a week. He works three days a week. He's only a little bit older than me. He has no children. Him and his wife decided they didn't want to have any children, and he said, I want to enjoy my money, Toya. This is what the start of retirement looks like for me. And I respect it, but it did make me think about what does what does career look like for me now? I'm 41 years old. It's a really confronting conversation to have. I'm gonna research, have do some yeah, I you know I love my Harvard studies, and I will bring all that information here, but I definitely think it was important that I spoke about it here on the podcast because whilst you're in your 20s and your 30s and you're enjoying, you're enjoying, you're enjoying, you're enjoying, not everybody can be a content creator, not everybody can be a TikToker, not not not um everybody's gonna win the lottery. There is gonna have to be some life planning that you do. There is. We would love our businesses to be six-figure, seven-figure businesses, but in order for that to happen, not not everybody wants to borrow from the bank. So you're gonna have to work to invest in those businesses to scale it up. I don't know about y'all with your side businesses. I find it really hard. I mean, I love my side businesses, I really enjoy it because it gives me opportunity to really be creative, but there's a part that is like okay, like I wish I could have a social media manager, I wish I could have a personal assistant so that I could do the things because I've got so much I need to do. Where is the motherfucking time? Where is the time? I need to update my masterclasses for the Toy Talks website. Where is the time to do all of that? Plus every other hat you wear outside of your side businesses and your career, it is a lot, but the point here is what do you want the next? And I say the next 10 years and the next five years, and I say the next 20 years, because with the way I AI is moving, we're having to think even more so, and it's very much confronting about the direction of your career. I hear a lot of people these sound bites, I don't want to work forever. Well, you may not have the choice if AI has anything to do with it, um, but I I need to do I need to read this study for you guys about the lack of adoption of AI from women. Oh, us women, we are not we have career inequality as it is, and then we have technological inequality. I need to I've done the research, I cannot wait to share the findings. There's a report that's coming out that I need to wait for, and once that comes out, I'm gonna be sharing it with you guys because as women, we need to we need to step it up. It's not all listen, AI is not just Chat GPT, by the way. We need to step shit up, we need to add to our knowledge because we already know about the pay inequality, we already know about race relations in the workplace, technology technological inequality will set us so far apart from our male counterparts, it's not even funny. But I digress. Anyway, I hope you found this podcast episode um interesting, um, knowledgeable, impactful, thought-provoking. Um, I'm gonna leave it here. Um, I think, well, I wanted to talk about managers being jealous of their employees, but that can wait for the next episode because I got I got a lot to tell you, honey. Some of my friends have been really their eyes have been open and they've shared quite a few things that I think would be great for the podcast, and they've given me permission to share. Um, and there was one dilemma that is currently working itself out at the moment. So hopefully I'll be able to share in the next episode. But I really hope you've enjoyed this episode as much as I've enjoyed delivering it. Thank you for sharing. Please share this, retweet it, reshare it, forward it on, add it to your group chats, have a conversation, have open discussions, take some of the themes and the topics and have a conversation. If you want to email me, my email address is hello at toytalks.com. I am on um Instagram, Toy underscore talks. I have my private Instagram page, Toy underscore Washington, and of course I'm on TikTok. I'm very active on TikTok at the moment, um Toya underscore Washington. And yeah, let's connect. Thank you so much for all your love, your support, for listening. Please leave me a review, a comment, a rating on any podcast platform in which you listen to the Toy Talks podcast. Let's continue to grow this podcast, let's continue to talk, let's continue to share. My name is Toy Washington, and you have been listening to the Toy Talks podcast.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, everything that's each what we know.