We Lost Our Son at 17 Weeks… But God Met Us There | Jakobee Cotton

What do you do when God doesn’t make sense?

In this powerful and emotional episode of Truth Behind the Mike, Mike sits down with Worship Pastor Jakobee Cotton from Living Hope Church in Findlay, Ohio to share a story that will deeply move you.

After walking through a season of faith, calling, and surrender… Jakobee and his wife were faced with the unimaginable:

💔 Losing their son at 17 weeks.

In this conversation, Jakobee opens up about:

•  The pain of losing a child before birth 
•  Wrestling honestly with God in grief 
•  What real faith looks like in suffering 
•  The moment that changed everything in the hospital room 
•  Why he chose to trust God… even when it didn’t make sense 

This is not a polished “church answer.”

This is real.
This is raw.
This is faith in the fire.

If you’ve ever asked:
 👉 “God, where are you?”
 👉 “Why would this happen?”
 👉 “Can I still trust Him?”

This episode is for you.

📖 “Lord, where else would we go? You have the words of eternal life.” — John 6:68

🙏 If this encouraged you, please:
      👍 Like the video
      💬 Share your story or thoughts in the comments
      🔔 Subscribe for more real conversations about faith, life, and truth

#FaithInSuffering #ChildLoss #ChristianPodcast #TrustGod #Stillborn #GriefAndFaith #JesusIsEnough #TruthBehindTheMike

Transcript

0:00

Hey, welcome to Truth Behind the Mike. I'm Mike Stone, and, we got a little bit different format today. We always started out with guests, and now it's more just me talking head. But today I've got a great friend that has an awesome story. And, this is Jakobee Cotton Jakobee. Welcome to the show. Yeah. Nice to meet you. No, nice to be here, Mike. Yeah. Thank you so much for inviting me to do this. We just met just a few months ago, and, honestly, your genuineness as a person, as a follower of Christ. Like, it's just been a joy to get to know you, to become a friend, to you. Meeting over Chick-fil-A for the first time, getting to hear some of my story and some of your story. Yeah. And now sitting down over a podcast is, It's pretty exciting. Well, yeah. And this is really, I mean, we I told you we started this. I started this just because, it was right before the whole COVID thing and didn't know it was coming. But I had a heart for people who were just going through things and were like, God, we're where are you? And your story's kind of like that. Your story could have went in many different directions. And so I want to get into that. But first tell for those who don't know you tell them who you are and a little bit about you. Yeah. So, my name is Jakobee. I'm from Montana originally. So. Grew up a Montana boy. Have cowboy in my blood and, Yeah. So a little bit about me would be. I grew up, not having my dad around. My mom moved away from where I was born and then was adopted when I was seven years old by my dad, Lane. And, really, after that had a had a family, had a home. And my mom has always been present with me. She's always been, Jesus. To me. And, and so she's always made sure that the words are part of our life. And, honestly, I, I started to attend youth group pretty early and was a part of a want, and all of that stuff, learning all my Bible, scriptures. And when I got into high school, I was having a lot of, like, body image issues, a lot of suicidal thoughts, and, a lot of bullying, you know, growing up. And so getting into high school, I was pretty overweight, but, my sophomore year, like, all that shit off and football was, like, my first love. And so I dove right in, and, I started lifting weights a lot. And I started getting some attention for the first time and really started to walk away from my faith, and started to lean into those high school relationships as a as, like my idol. Yeah. And, just really felt like, that's what I wanted to do. And I ended up tearing my ACL, my MCL, and my PCL all in one go. All the L's. Yeah, all the L's. My senior year. Wow. Playing football. I mean, was having probably the best, best game of my career and had a preferred walk on to play for the Bobcats. MSU. And that was all. All those dreams were kind of shattered at that point. Went even deeper into partying and deeper into, just not following Christ. And, that never went anywhere. But I worked really hard. And so working hard became an idol for me as well. And so, I kind of worked hard in spite of my situation, and I kind of used it as fuel and, went and played college football at an NAIA school called Montana Western. Shout out my Dogs But got three concussions in the same month. Brain aneurysm type stuff. Oh my goodness. And, they were like, listen, if you continue down this path, if you keep playing football, you're not going to be able to remember the name of your first child like it's, Wow. So I made the decision to hang up the cleats at that point in my life, and and it all kind of happened at one moment in my dorm room where I just cried out to God like I had nothing else but him, and I cried out to him. I picked up my old guitar. I started playing a worship song that I learned in youth group called You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham. You know. And, it it really God really reminded me of his love for me. That I could wander so far like the prodigal son, and treat him so, so badly. And him and say, I love you. I still love you. My love for you has never changed. Yeah. And then I just said, okay, God, I'm going to follow you. So I called up my uncle, who lived in Ohio at the time, and he said, you know, I'll put a down payment on a house for you, you know, come up here, I'll disciple you. And I laughed at him. And, and so what ended up happening is a couple years later, I had saved up money and my whole family came with me. Wow. I have seven siblings. And we all jumped in the the big the big van I had saved up for a little Oldsmobile Alero put my energy drinks in the console, and here we went. So we came all the way here from Montana. And, like, and Faith, we were just our fuel was face like. We knew we weren't following Jesus there. And all we knew is we wanted to follow him wherever we were going. And so we followed his calling, came here, and it was not all sunshine and rainbows, right? So go figure. Right? I mean, it's supposed to be. Yeah. Christ follower. Everything's supposed to be rosy, right? Yeah. You take a step of faith and then it's all supposed to work out. That's right. No. So it it was opposite, right? Yeah. So I lived in, in a house that needed a lot of work. It was cold winters, hot summers. Yeah. Humid summers. Yeah. Ohio. Come on with the humidity. Get out of here. We don't have central air in this house, so I know exactly what you're talking about. Man, I, I longed for the dry, the dry summers in Montana, but, so working at come back feeds, trying to lean into my faith. God's pulling all kinds of stuff out of my life that I couldn't do on my own strength. It was all him. And, just saw him do some, crazy cool things in my life. Met my my wife, a couple months after I had moved here. He blessed me with that. We. We've been dating, since. Well, we're married now, but we started dating March 17th. 2020, our 2017. Okay, so it's been nine years, that we've been together. And so, so I started to go to come back feeds and play pickup basketball. I got heard again and like, my life just. I was like, God, I did this step of faith. Shouldn't I have? Yeah. More shouldn't I, shouldn't I get something because I gave you my life? Yeah, that was really my mentality. And, you know, things just kept falling apart. Falling apart. And I'm like, well, what's going on? So I started going out back behind my house. Man, I long for these days again. I went to back behind the house and I just cry out to God, man. Like the beauty of the stars and his presence. And I would just spend time in prayer with him and just long after him and just say, Lord, you're you're it, you're enough. Knowing you and being known by you is enough. I don't need anything else. And really, in the midst of that, getting hurt again and all the things, things started to change. I was going to a new church is called Movement Church here and here in town. Met in Glenwood Middle School. And the first day I stepped in there, I just felt like God said, you're going to be a leader here. Now, mind you, I did not see myself in the ministry, right? I had come from partying and all. Yeah. Right up. Like, yeah, who am I? But I felt like God just said, this is what you're going to do and started playing guitar. Pick that up and all that. And yeah. And really was in the ministry now for eight years. But really where my story changes is just two years ago. Yeah. Well, I want to stop there really quickly because you keep seeing the cycle of of starting out following you. Yeah. And then things creep in. We've we've talked a lot about that on this podcast. We, we, we talked about how a lot of times it's drift. You start slowly. You know, I start maybe not reading my Bible as much or not praying as much. And pretty soon we find ourselves like out in the middle of the ocean going, where's land? You know, where's my anchor? And you saw that recurring. But isn't it cool, though, when you get to those those moments where you're in the backyard and you're looking at the vast universe and you're at what you think is the end of your rope, but that's where God meets you. Like, like really, when you're raw and open, God just meet you there and you sense him. Probably the most real time I've ever experienced. God is in those valley moments where you're just. You're done. Yeah. You know? Yeah, that's absolutely, where he met me. And and in the midst of that, just saying. God, I have nothing. Yeah, I literally had a house that I was paying on, and, like, that's all I could afford. And, like, my first legitimate job. And I was 20 when I came. And so all I had was him. And I needed that in that time. More than anything, I needed that. And, you know, I was close to tears earlier because that's all I want is him anyway. Yeah. Like, all I want is to to know and be known by the triune God of the universe. Like, that's that's all that really matters. Because what he does is he lavishes, he lavishes his love on his people. Yeah, right. And so he was giving me what I needed in that time, even though, from a worldly perspective, it was like, okay, you live in a broken down shack that looks like a haunted house and you don't have very much, you know, money. And where's your wife and family? That you really wanted? God was just showing me. Jakobee, this isn't about what you want. This is what I have for you. This is what I'm going to do with you. This is the calling that I have on your your life, and I. I'll never forget. I went to a leadership conference, and one of them, one of my mentors. His name's Earl Mills. A lot of people in town know Earl, and, he he led to this leadership conference with this phrase. He said, you are all world changers in this room. Wow. You just have to say yes to God in that. Yeah. And he'll use you in so many ways. And and I believe that. Yeah, I still believe that. Yeah. And, and and I'm, I'm thinking there's people that are listening to this podcast today that are like, maybe I've heard that, but I've kind of let go of that. Yeah. But the honest to God truth is, is he is the God of the universe, has a calling on people's lives to use for the good of others. Yeah, right. We always think that the calling means, oh, I'm going to just get all these things for myself. That's not the case. We get to serve others, with the calling that God's put on our lives. So. And that sounds scary to some people, especially those new to the faith. Like so. I have to give up all of my dreams for what? But what I've found is when you give up your dreams to follow the path that God has for you, you can't explain the joy in that. It might not be big and flashy to the world, but it's there's no better place. I mean, you've heard this growing up. I grew up in the church. I heard it all the time. There's no better place than the center of God's will. Amen. But if I've never experienced that, that sounds scary. Like I have to give up my football. All of my stuff that I love. Yeah. And that's really it's kind of a, a bad way of looking at it. But it's natural. I mean, we're human, so that's the way we look at things, but it sounds scary, but it's. If that's you, man, that's all I can say is give God a trial. Just give him everything that you have and you'll see what we're talking about. That's what faith is. Yeah, right. Faith is not seeing what's on the other side. That's right. But saying yes to God even though you don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, right. If everything and this kind of gets into my story a little bit. But if everything was all sunshine and rainbows, there would be no need for faith. That's right. Yeah. That's why we have to exercise. Faith is because we don't see what's behind the the door. And if we would just put our faith in him and say, okay, Lord, even though this looks dark and dire, I'm going to push open this door and I'm going to go in here, even if that means letting go my, my my dreams. What I think are my dreams. Even though the God of the universe, who knows me, he knows exactly what I need, right? So yeah. So let's go back about two years. When you shared this with me, I think I immediately said, there are so many people that have walked through what you and your wife walked through. And you don't often hear their stories, but. But as as tragic as it is, there is so much hope in it. Yeah. And so tell us, two years ago, this is hard for me to imagine. It really is hard for me to imagine there are people out there who know exactly, but I don't. Yeah, well, let me just start with before I say anything. I just want to speak very gently, because I know there are people hurting, so. Yeah. Two years ago, I had left my my previous church. I was the worship director there. Really? For God's leading away. And, and during the time where I had no job there, and I was searching for a new job, my wife had been pregnant, 17 weeks, and, well, previously, we had heard that our son Jeriah had something called cystic hygroma. So basically, it's the swelling of the baby. So in and the head swelling of the body. And so that's fluid buildup. And so it can't breathe or form. Well, because of that. And so we knew this at this point that, that the chances of Jeriah making it were slim. But man, we we were leaning in to our faith. We were like, God's got us, you know, like, as the husband, I'm going to get emotional here, but that's okay. Yeah. As a husband, like my wife looks to me and I'm, I'm like, man, we're going to be okay. God's got us. We're going to get through this, you know, like we're going to have our son with us. And, in the midst of all the storm that we were dealing with, we did lose our son Jeriah And, man, even to this day, it just like the grief just sits so, so deeply on us. And, You know, I, I've met a lot of people who have lost their kids and people who lose their children. Even at 17 weeks, where I have a friend that's lost their their child at 34 weeks. Right. And, it does no good to compare. It does good to sit in it with each other and to, man and to love each other through that and to say you're not alone and we're going to hold these burdens together. Yeah. But in the midst of that, as a man, it was really hard to to know what my role is to to be the strength for my wife, because honestly, and probably the hardest part was seeing her just have to have to go through that. I mean, she gave birth to a stillborn child. Yeah. And, when he was born, held him in my hand. And it was so crazy, like, you know, because everybody talks about, like, their first moment holding their their baby. Yeah. My mother talks about, like, you feel like the hand of God touching your head, but for me, like, that's not what I felt. You know, I thought I felt nothing in that. In that, in that moment. And I know that that like, after the fact, I'm like, is there something wrong with me that I didn't feel something right there? Sure. But what I did here, I didn't feel anything. It was it felt so dark and and everybody in the room was like watching, like a hawk, like the the doctors were watching us and crying and I looked around the room and I felt like God just said, he is not here. He's not here. He's with me. And like that gave me so much peace in that moment. And I just said Jeriah’s life is to give glory to the God of the universe. And that's all I could get out in that moment. And I knew that those ladies needed to hear something. And I didn't know, like what to give them for hope. But I just knew the one who has hope in his hand. And that's that's Jesus. You know, he's the one who who died for us, who resurrected on the third day, who holds us in there in his hand, even when we're going through the things like this. And of all the things I know, I know that. Yeah. So that's the the worst day of our life. You know, we had people come over, give us meals from movement. Man, I can't think of more. I can't thank them enough for that. I had one friend come over and I felt so guilty because they they couldn't come in. And man, I didn't know it would be this bad. What? What you both experienced, I can't imagine, you know, our story with adoption. And there was a point, you know, you mentioned the adoption, your adoption. But there was a point when I knew I had a picture of this little girl who was going to be my daughter, and I knew that I had to go get her. I had to get her out of that situation she was in. And I knew that I would die for her. Yeah. So you mentioned 17 weeks or 40 weeks. Doesn't really matter. That's your child. That's your child. And and he always will be. I mean, the worst, like the worst part of the funeral and all that stuff was going to mire and going through the aisles and grabbing a little toy car. Because I knew in that moment it was like my dreams died too, you know? Yeah. For him. Yeah. You know, and so, like, any times I wanted to, like, race little cars down the thing and play little army men and all those dreams. I really just like I left in his, in his little box that he was in. And so I just share those things because I know that there are people that are in that, in that boat as well. Yeah, absolutely. And but it was really interesting because I went through a, again, one of those situations where I had to come face to face with my life in shambles. Right? Yeah. Like like what? What does faith look like? And I remember I was going on runs like every day just going to God in prayer and like, God's like, what? Are you just going to be honest with me? And I'm like, what is it? Well, God like. And then I just started pouring out my heart with how I really felt. It's like, God, how could you take what's going on? This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me and gave you my life. And this is still happening. Yeah, and. And I just listen to a podcast for eight, man. And he talked about, John chapter 6, verse 53, and so on, where Jesus is with his disciples. Right. Probably over a hundred disciples. And he says, you're going to eat my flesh and you're going to drink my blood. And they're like, what? This guy's a vampire. What's going on? And they leave and all's left are the 12. And Jesus says, aren't you going to leave me to him? And there's one that speaks up. And Peter says, Lord, where else would we go? You're the ones with the word of eternal life. What faith. And, And. God. God just reminded me, Jakobee, you're having one of these conversations with me right now. This is a you my last drink, my blood conversation where I got no idea what is happening right now. But am I going to say you're the one with the words of eternal life? Or am I going to turn around and walk away from the one who gave me life to begin with? And so I just said, Lord, I said, I said, you're the one with the words of eternal life. You are God who has come. Emmanuel. I trust that. I just don't know what's going on. Yeah, and that was okay. He was okay with that, you know, he doesn't he doesn't tell us that we need to have all the answers. He just says, come with me. Walk on the water with me. I'm going to protect you. I'm going to be with you. I'm for you in the midst of your suffering. And he doesn't take away the suffering, but he's with us. And so that's what I lean on every day. Yeah. So. Wow. Well, you know, I often take comfort in knowing that Jesus walked in our shoes. He was fully God, but fully human. He understands. He understands how we work. God knows that he created us. But to know that Jesus Christ, as God and man, walked in our shoes gives me comfort because I can relate to that. And like, I know it's way beyond me to say, God, you understand that because it's it's beyond me. I don't understand eternity. I don't understand heaven. I don't understand, you know, all of those things. But to know that Jesus walked in our shoes as a man, he feels our pain. Yeah. And he understands it. And, Yeah, he says to take up your cross and follow me. And that's not. That's not the pretty cross around her neck, I mean. Right, that's the the crucifixion method. It's hard. Yeah. And all the while, he's rescuing all of humanity that would put their faith in him. That's right. While on the cross, you know, and I think richness is to to know and be known by God. And when you really are like, man, this that's enough. Then you start to realize all the blessings that you have. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Right. Then you're like, oh man, I have breath in my lungs. Yes. Like I have today. I have a wife, a home, something to to a bed to lay my head on. I have friends, I have a job, I have opportunities, you know, I live in the best country on earth, right. And and so I think about when we say, Lord, to know you is enough. In the midst of the hard times, the good times become really good and the hard times become bearable. Yeah, because he is enough. He is good. I am going to be. I'm a citizen of heaven right now. Yeah. And so wherever I go, heaven is coming to earth because he is working in me and through me. And and so that is so beautiful. And so like if someone is going through what we had went through or has been through what we were going through, I just want to encourage them. As hard as it is to pick up the weight, to learn how to exercise that faith, that you're just like, I don't have anything else to give. Just say, Lord, I'm going to trust you, even though it makes no sense. Trust him when it makes no sense. Trust him when it does make sense. Because that's really what he's asking of his disciples. Are you going to go to the whole world is. We've seen the whole world walk away from God. We've seen the whole world kill the Son of God. But for his followers, he asks them, Will you leave, too? And, And I think that that's to pick up my cross and that's, that's the even though I don't get it, I'm going to say yes to you, Lord, and I don't even know what that means, but I'm going to say it and I'm going to step into that, and I'm going to try to surround myself with people who love you. And that's that's it. And that's what I've reaped, you know, like, I'm surrounded by pastors. I, I'm for those who don't know, I'm the Worship Director at Living Hope Church. And, and I'm surrounded by pastors who love the Lord, love me, and, and so just get into a church family that are going to help you in understanding his word, because you can't do it alone. No, like, you can't like like you can't do it alone because you're going to go through seasons like this where you're going to need to lean on your brothers. Like I had to lean on my best friends to say, you know, Matt, Joe, my dad, you know, like, how do I get through this season? And they were there with encouragement from the word saying, hey, how are you going to God? How are you retreating into that room? Because just just going at it alone, God's word is sufficient. But as humans, we are. We are wanderers. And so we're going to go to this or we're going to go to that, and we're going to try to find different things that are going to try to mask it. But the truth of the matter is, is we need the word and we need other men for me to to say, hey, let's pick up our cross, let's go through this. I'm with you, man. And because you can't hold your side of the cross, I'm going to hold your side for it. That's right. You know we're going to. Iron sharpens iron. Let's go through this together. You're not alone. God has never left me. And I'm not going to leave you either. Yeah. So. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's good, that's good. And, You know, thinking about your story, I mentioned it early on. You could have went in many different directions. And I don't know if you've ever thought, what would my life look like now, had I chosen that? God, where are you? Which is fine. Like you said, he can handle that. But your decision was to say I don't get this, I don't like this. This is horrible. For those of you that are in that boat right now, maybe not the same as your story. Maybe not the same as my story. But if you're in that situation where you're just trust him. And the advice about friends, friends in the Lord, brothers and sisters and, Lord, we need that. We do. God gave us. God gave Adam a helpmate. We're not meant to live this life alone. And so, Yeah, yeah. And to answer your question, I'm convinced that if I would have chosen, like, I'm going to walk away right now, the Lord would have still pursued me. And maybe you're looking and you're like, I've walked away from him too many times. He's not going to pursue me anymore. Then why are you listening to this podcast. It's because he is pursuing you. He loves you like and you know, here's a little spoiler to the story. We do have a daughter, you know now, and she's beautiful, ten months old. Every time the light shines through the through the window, I'm like, she's the most beautiful thing, you know I've ever put my eyes on. And, But I think about, like, God has a plan in the midst of this suffering, right? Absolutely. Put your faith in him. You know, it doesn't mean you're going to get you're going to get a diamond after this. It doesn't mean that. But what it does mean is that you're going to get him and he's going to teach you and grow you in the midst of this. And I honestly, as I talk right now, I don't fully know what that means. He's just doing a sanctifying work inside of my heart. Yeah, that I just know is his work. Yeah. I can't do that. It's him. Yeah. And so, yeah, to answer your question, he would pursue me still. Yeah. Because he loves me. And he's not going to ever stop pursuing you until it's done, until it's over. And I pray that you do make that decision to pursue him before it's too late. Because on the other side of that, it's good. Life is good and full and right when you are following the King of Kings, a man that's the truth. Like things might be falling, falling apart around you. But when you know and you can have peace like I know the God of the universe, and he knows me, that's right. Then everything else is going to fall into place in the right way at the right time. Well, hey man. Jakobee, thank you, man, for coming and sharing your story. Honor, man, it really is an honor. God, God is good. It's not just a saying. Oh, we believe that. Yeah, all the time. God is good. Yeah, doesn't mean that life's not hard. It's great to have people like Jakobee on who are willing to share their stories. And, Bro, I'm so honored that you were able to do that. I hope that you who are listening and watching, if you're going through or when you go through things that you can remember that God is always pursuing you. I'm Mike Stone, this is Truth Behind the Mike. We'll see you next time.