#1 Solo Story: I Did NOT Love My Mission (ANONYMOUS)

This episode is the first where Talmage reads a listener-submitted story. The Sister in this account wished to remain anonymous.

She found it hard to love her mission both during her service and after feeling confused and lost. Everyone around her seemed to love and enjoy their missions, while she didn't. Despite loving the country, the people, and her companions, she often found herself on the verge of tears. She finally told her honest feelings about the mission to her mother. Her mom said while she won't love every part of the mission, she can love what it made of her. 

It is a fantastic story of how she found the purpose in her suffering. The Love she gained was worth the sacrifice

If you are interested in submitting your story, email me at Releasedthepodcast@gmail.com.

@talmagethayne

Transcript

Talmage: 0:00

Hey everybody, welcome back to release the podcast. I'm so excited. You're with me today because this is the first episode, where I read out loud a story that was submitted by a listener. Now, this is an anonymous account because they didn't want to be named, but you know who you are when you hear your story. If I was going to start this story like they do on those tick tock storytelling accounts where they say, am I the bad guy who, yada yada, yada, it, it kind of worked with this 1am I bad missionary because I didn't love it. Let's read this. I remember opening my mission call to serve in Eastern Europe. I was just about to turn 19 and was so excited. In the months leading up, everybody told me that serving a mission was going to be one of the hardest, and yet one of the greatest things I will ever do. I believed them when they told me that it was going to be one of the greatest things I ever do. But for some reason, the part about it being hard, seemed to always go in one ear and out the other. I had no idea then that it was going to be as hard as it was. I remember looking out the window as the plane was landing on the runway and seeing a soldier holding one of the biggest guns I'd ever seen. I remember thinking Hmm, that's different. And that moment seemed to foreshadow a lot. There are countless reasons why I loved the country and the people I served. But there were some extremely difficult things I watched unfold in front of me during those 18 months. And that along with my crippling perfectionism as a missionary, began weighing heavily on me, I can't deny the miracles I saw on my mission. But day after day, I felt as if I was being stretched beyond my limits. I'd heard missionaries at zone conferences and on exchanges talk about how they never wanted to go home. I felt incredibly alone and ashamed of myself for not feeling the same way. I could tell you each day how long I had left, I could tell you each day how long I had left, and felt guilty for not getting lost in the work and losing track of time. Despite all of my efforts to work hard and be obedient. I concluded that if I'm feeling this way, it's because I'm not doing enough. I felt confused and lost. This feeling of not doing or being enough stuck with me after I came home. Well, meaning members of my ward and stake who are honestly just trying to support me would constantly ask, wasn't that the best 18 months of your life? Or don't you wish you could just go back and do it again. And I'd smile, even though deep down that question hurt. I didn't know if I loved my mission. I'd have never struggled before in my life like I had there. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to be where life felt easy. And where I wasn't constantly on the verge of tears. But no one knew this except for me. One night, though, I opened up to my sweet mom. And she said something that has completely changed the way I see and navigate life. She said, Sweetie, you don't have to love your mission. But you can love what it made of you. I realized when my mom told me this, the my ability to experience extreme lows is carving out depth for me to experience even greater joy. My mission, though very challenging, has helped me become me. And I love who I am now so much more than who I was then before my mission. Each of us experienced difficult things in life. It's part of the whole mortal experience. But sometimes we lose sight of that. And it can feel really discouraging. I have such a strong testimony though, that it's through these experiences that we come to know our Savior very intimately. I know that shame is the last thing our Heavenly Father wants us to feel. We don't need to lie to ourselves or others, and say that we loved every second of every moment. But we can turn to him when we are in those lows, or look back on those lows, and he can help us see who we've become and who we are becoming. To anyone listening today. I just want to say that missions, while beautiful and incredibly transformative, are also difficult. And it's okay to admit it, or even to not love how hard it or life feels at times. I can't tell you how many returned missionaries I've talked to who have experienced the same discouragement and shame that I did. Hard working, obedient devout, returned missionaries who love the gospel and serve the best they could. Today I can confidently look back and say that I loved my mission. I love that I got to go serve, learn, grow and become a better young woman. I love my heavenly Father. I love his children in Eastern Europe, but I especially love my Savior, who has helped me gain an eternal perspective and has carved out depth for me to experience such great joy. I bet when we decided to come down to this earth before we were born and lived with our heavenly parents, we thought the same things I did after receiving my mission call. We knew it would be one of the greatest things we ever do, but probably underestimated and couldn't anticipate how hard it would be. But Christ knows these pains, and can help us through them. I just want to end my thoughts with the scripture I love. In First Nephi 99 It says, in the world, because of their iniquity shall judge him to be a thing of not wherefore they scourge Him, and He suffered with it. And they smite him, and he suffered with it. Yeah, they spit upon him. And he suffered with it. Because there's loving kindness and long suffering toward the children of men. Christ suffered, so that when we do, we have someone to turn to, I doubt you love those pains. But he loves each of us and who we are becoming. And that was enough for him to be willing to experience the depths of our sorrows, to this listener that submitted that story, thank you so much. It was a beautiful story and very well written, I could dive in to talk about all the things you did, right, and writing it and crafting it. And then just dive into the principles that you taught inside of your story. Maybe I'll do that in later episodes. But for now, I don't think I will. I want to end on those words that you shared. Again, thank you, everybody for listening. This podcast would not be here, without you sharing it without you listening and supporting it. Release the podcast is nothing without the missionaries that have supported it. I'm grateful for you. And I'm excited to keep this going. Again, if you have a story, please reach out. I've been struggling with the Google Form that I've been giving to people. It hasn't been reliable, people haven't been able to submit. So just reach out to me on my email. released the podcast@gmail.com. And again, if released has helped you in any way. Please rate, subscribe, and leave a review. It really helps. I just got a review on Wednesday from Reggie Ross. It says so genuine and real. It always uplifts me after I listen. Thank you. Talmage Thank you, Reggie. That means a lot. Honestly, seeing these reviews come in. I just realized I'm like, Oh man, people are listening. And I can't tell you the encouragement that that gives me. Remember everybody. God is good. And he's planning on your success. And though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry.

Unknown: 8:06

1000 miles away