Abandoned And Found Again: Danny Garcia's

Imagine remolding your life's path from law enforcement to the lens of a videographer, all while traversing the valleys of personal challenges and rediscovering faith. That's precisely the story  Danny Garcia shares in our first guest of the new season.

His candid reflections on divorce, the taxing demands of his police work, and the subsequent introspection that led him toward betterment are as stirring as they are enlightening. His commitment to overcoming depression through rigorous physical training and a rekindled spirituality paints a picture of a man reconstructing his life piece by piece.

This season, we're not just sharing stories; we're creating a mosaic of inspirational narratives. Danny's transformation is a call to all our listeners to contribute their own tales of overcoming adversity and the lessons learned along the way. Through genuine, vulnerable storytelling, we aim to weave a community tapestry of support and shared experiences that resonate with returning missionaries and those on a path to restoring their faith. Join us to discover how vulnerability and the shared courage of our community can become the cornerstone of personal growth and spiritual fortitude.

If you want to be involved with released please reach out. releasedthepodcast@gmail.com

Danny Garcia's IG: https://www.instagram.com/dannygarciafilms/

Transcript

Talmage : 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to Release the Podcast. It is 2024, so we are on our third season of this podcast. Guys, it's been great. I feel so grateful that I've been able to do this, that I have been very supported, a lot of people reaching out and giving me positive encouragement, asking me when I'm going to start again. I think my last episode was the end of May last year and we went for a solid six months, but this time I want to do it every week out of the year and I'm actually hoping to get some help while doing it and so hopefully it's going to be a lot more consistent. I'm also looking to put myself out there more. I want to be on other people's podcasts and offer my support where I can. So if you have any idea of something I could be a part of, please reach out. I'd love to hear it and I'd love to help.

Talmage : 1:00

In this first interview episode of Release the Podcast, season three, I interview Danny Garcia. Danny is a wonderful guy, police officer turned videographer. Danny has a heartbreaking story about abandonment after his mission, but how he was able to, through big goals and his dream of being a father and a husband, one day, pick himself back up and try again. And when you hide the worst, worst kind of day, remember we're not, we're not going away, a thousand miles apart between you and me. Remember we're not, we're not going away. Okay, well, danny, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Danny: 1:51

How do you?

Talmage : 1:52

First question. I always ask people where are you from, how did you grow up and why did you want to go on a mission in the first place?

Danny: 1:59

Yeah, so I'm originally from Boise, idaho. Well, I was born in Burley, idaho, moved up to Boise, grew up there and, yeah, I was born in the church, didn't really go to church during like my teenage years. It was kind of off and on and stuff and a little bit longer process of kind of why I decided to go on a mission. I graduated high school, didn't really know where I wanted to go and I was out partying, I was out hanging out with friends and really didn't want anything to do with the church During this time in my life. My parents had gotten divorced. I didn't even know what career I wanted to do. I wasn't. I was kind of going to college, kind of not taking a couple credits here in there. But then I ended up going to Mexico, like on a little family vacation with my mom and one of my best friends at the time.

Danny: 3:00

The reason why I had so much stress before we went to go to Mexico was I was at a crossroads in my life and the crossroad was I wanted to join the military, and so at this time in my life I was meeting with a recruiter and so when I'm meeting with the recruiter we're talking about kind of what my path is going to look like and the day comes to move forward, actually move forward with paperwork and something. Just tell me just to wait. And I didn't know what it was. And I talked to my recruiter and I said, hey, I'm going to Mexico next week with my family. I'd love to just hold off on this paperwork, go to Mexico, make sure there's something I really want to do, and then I'll come back. And he's like, okay, but I need an answer by the time you come back.

Danny: 3:56

And so, going to Mexico, going to the beach, sitting there, I didn't want. I was stressed and I was thinking about all the piece that I was having on the beach. And that's when my mom, you know, wanted to tell me some a spiritual message and I didn't want to listen to it. I can't remember exactly what she was saying, but she started to talk about church and I was like, mom, church isn't for me, like that's not, that's not what I want to do. Church isn't, isn't my thing.

Talmage : 4:22

And had you already said that to her in the past?

Danny: 4:24

Yeah, she kind of knew so yeah, at this time I mean even before we went to to Mexico for vacation, it was she would, on Sundays, turn on church music. I'd hear downstairs. I'm sleep, trying to sleep in. And then all of a sudden she's dropping pots and pans and she's trying to like, just like, get to wake up.

Talmage : 4:45

That's so recognizable it starts also.

Danny: 4:47

I hear you know her feet coming up the stairs and she's like hey, I just wanted to invite you to church. I'm like Mom, I don't want to go church. And she said, okay, but I want you to know that invitation is always open. And then you know, next Sunday, church music, pots and pans here come up the stairs. Same thing hey, do you want to go to church? No, mom don't want want to go to church. So you're all right with that. That invitation is always open. And then it was like a third time. You know pots and pans, church music coming up the stairs. By the time she's coming up the stairs, I'm already sitting up out of bed. I'm like Mom, I don't want to go to church. I already know what you're going to say. And she'd be like okay, but that invitation is always there.

Danny: 5:24

So you know, going back, going back to the beach, I could already tell that there's going to be some type of spiritual like hey, I just want to invite you to church. I'm like Mom, I don't want to go. And she goes, so we get back on Friday, and I think it was on Sunday. She's like I have four tickets to general conference. And she's like so I have an extra ticket where you can bring your friend Cole. And I was like Mom, that's the dumbest thing, I don't want to go, my friend's not. My friend doesn't even go to church, and so I go over and talk to him about hey man, so my mom wants to invite us to conference and he goes yeah, dude, let's do it.

Danny: 6:05

And I was like why, and he goes, because right now we're on vacation and this kind of extends our vacation we'll get. We'll go from Boise drive down to Utah afterwards, and so it's kind of like an extension of vacation. I was like, okay, I can get behind that, like we'll go, you know, after, after we're done with general conference, we'll go out and hang out and whatnot, and anyway. So we went to general conference and it was like the Sunday afternoon session and there was something with the closing remarks that touched me and I I can't remember exactly what it was, but it was how I felt and I just felt something click and it was something like maybe I can go on a mission.

Talmage : 6:49

Dang, how old were you?

Danny: 6:51

So me, I would have been 18. So yeah, it was definitely after my 18th birthday. I had that thought pop in my head what if I went on a mission? Also, I'm like no, that, there's no way I can go on a mission.

Talmage : 7:05

Like I am to the military.

Danny: 7:06

I'm going to go in the military, yeah. The second thing is I will get excommunicated if I talk to my bishop about anything I've done, like that was in my mind. I was like if, if he doesn't knew the things that I had done, and that was always like. My biggest stress was like I don't want to talk to them, like I don't, they won't understand and you'd rather leave voluntarily than have somebody tell you to leave?

Danny: 7:28

Yes, yeah, that's, that's exactly what it was. And so I ended up talking with some missionaries about stuff and cause I didn't, I don't know why I felt so off. So I think I texted a missionary or the missionaries. I had my phone, I had talked with them, you know, a couple of years prior, when they had tried to get me to go and or come back to church, and I was like, oh, it's not for me right now, but anyways, there was one missionary that I really liked. So I texted and I didn't realize at the time the missionaries rotate areas. I thought they just stayed in the same spot and so, like now, he hasn't been here for I don't know for a while. But so I had the missionaries come over and I was talking to them about stuff and I was like, hey, I, I'm, I feel like I'm at a crossroads, I, I want to go in the military, but I had a weird thought about maybe going on a mission and the, the missionaries, they were saying you know, I can choose either path, the choice is mine and I will be happy either way. I kind of didn't like that because at that time when, when I felt like I was stuck at a crossroads. I wanted to be given an answer. It's it's almost like when you're so stuck with something you sometimes want to have someone just tell you the answer, like hey, I don't know which way to go, like where, where am I supposed to go? Just tell me where to go and how my life's going to be, and I will, I will follow that path.

Danny: 8:45

And a week later I had a random church leader. He reached out to me and said, hey, you want to do? You want to go get lunch? And I was like, yeah, let's go get lunch. And I was talking to him and he said, hey, well, what's going on in life? Tell him about my life. And I was like how I want to join the military. And but then I had a kind of weird idea about going into going on a mission. And he said I will support you with whichever way you go, but the choice is yours Kind of a similar thing. And I was like I, that's not my answer. And anyways, as we're walking out, he said I get another text message from a different leader and he said, hey, let's go get ice cream. I'm like, all right, this is great, just had free lunch.

Talmage : 9:23

Now we're gonna get free ice cream, yeah.

Danny: 9:25

So, um, when it got lunch or got ice cream with this leader and he was talking to me and he was saying I was kind of telling him about the whole thing, like you know, the idea of going to military, then the mission, and then he, he says I will support you on which you, which ever path you want to go on, but the choice is yours. Again, not what I wanted to hear and it frustrated me so much. And, uh, later on I went to my dad's house and randomly he was talking to me. He goes hey, I don't know what you're looking for in life, but I thought I think you should read my mission journal.

Danny: 10:06

And the thing about my, the relationship, the relationship to me and my dad, is we didn't talk about church stuff. My dad at the time wasn't active, he wasn't going to church, he hadn't gotten to church and I mean like he, every, every so often we go to church, but he hadn't gone to church in a long time actively, and so religion was like the last thing that we would have ever talked about. And so for him to kind of tell me hey, I don't know what you're looking for, but you should read my mission journal, and so when I read his mission journal, there were so many different things that I at the time didn't recognize. But it was the spirit telling me the path that I should go on. And even though I'm verbally hearing people tell me, you know, the choice is yours, cause at the end of the day, the choice is ours I didn't recognize that the spirit was pulling me another way.

Talmage : 11:01

That is. That is kind of cool, cause you're reading your dad's journal and I'm just kind of telling me if I'm kind of off base, but it sounded. It sounds like you're reading his journal, you're seeing things that he experienced and he did and then you're like part of you was like I want that.

Danny: 11:22

Yeah, I want those experiences. It was in his mission journal. He, he could not deny the gospel, he could not deny the feelings and the miracles that he was seeing, the impressions that he was receiving. And it just yeah for me. I just wanted that.

Danny: 11:42

And so the next thing I did I texted my bishop and I said, hey, can I meet with you? And so I think he was pretty shocked at you know, me meeting with him, cause I know he's been trying to get me to kind of church for a while. But, um, so I go into the bishop's office and I'm I'm like stress out of my mind Cause I have I'm so confused and you know it was a great conversation talking with him and he's like well, so what, what brings you in here? And I remember telling him I am stuck at a crossroads. I am wanting to go into the military, but I'm having a thought of going on a mission, but I don't think I can go on a mission.

Danny: 12:24

And then it just started laying out everything that I did. And after that conversation he was quiet for for a couple of minutes and I mean I had just laid out my whole life and he said it's going to take a little bit of time, but you can still go on a mission. And right then that's when I knew that that was my my answer was to go on a mission. It was supposed to take, you know, a year plus for me to go on a mission, but the answers that my bishop received later on changed and he felt the impression to send me on a mission after about four months. So I put in my paperwork and then ended up going to Houston, texas, and serve there.

Talmage : 13:12

Texas. Yeah, good old Houston, texas. Reconnect with your Mexican ancestors down there. Yep, yep, actually, I no, I actually did so. That's a funny, that's a funny thing.

Danny: 13:23

I know so.

Danny: 13:25

I get called to a Spanish speaking mission. I failed Spanish class like high school. I was the worst person that speaking Spanish and no. But when I went down to Houston I actually met my grandpa's brother no way, yeah and so I got to talk with him and my grandpa passed away when my dad was on his mission and so I got to talk to my my grandpa's brother and hear how my grandpa was, and I just talked to him about different things and it was great. It was a great conversation, dang. It was a really cool opportunity. Yeah, that is sick.

Talmage : 13:55

That is sick, dang what?

Danny: 13:57

year was that when you went, so I went on my mission in 2012.

Talmage : 14:01

2012. Yeah, okay, houston, texas, and you get on your mission, and missions are challenging, they're tough. Could you tell us a little bit about some way you were changed, some way you were transformed by the mission?

Danny: 14:17

Yeah, I was basically like a convert trying to serve a mission, went into the MTC not reading the Book of Mormon. All I knew was the, the feelings and impressions that I had received and that I needed to go on a mission. And so I'm like, okay, this is great, I'm going to go serve, I'm going to do this Like I want to help people. And then I get to the MTC and I realize how much studying we have to do. And you know some of the simple things of go ahead and open up to the book of Alma. And I am looking at my teacher stress because everyone's opening up like as if they've done it a thousand times. And I'm like, is that in the Bible or is that in the Book of Mormon? And then there's another thing where we're talking about Joseph Smith being 14 years old and having his having the vision. And I'm like, are you serious? He was 14. 14? I am like you're like Jesus came to America.

Danny: 15:14

I am like this guy who's just like no way this happened and everyone's like are you an idiot?

Danny: 15:21

So like it was really cool because everything was almost like my first experience, just like going out there. And then it got me excited to be able to go share that with people. So I read the Book of Mormon for the first time in the MTC and, yeah, it was just like hearing all these stories or reading all these stories. I was just I was so excited about that stuff and so for me, it changed me in the MTC and helped me build a stronger testimony. And then going out in the mission, I just I was so excited to share that with people.

Talmage : 15:52

So yeah, Dude, that is so sick. I had a guy on who was talking about serving missions and he's like I tell everybody to serve a mission, even if you don't know if it's true or you don't have like a testimony of everything in the gospel. He's like go out on a mission and find out. Yeah, find out if it's true. It kind of sounds like you did that. You went out, you had these feelings, you had this experience where you're like man, I feel like I need to be out there. I want those experiences my dad had, but you didn't know a lot of like church history or the Book of Mormon, yeah, and then you had to figure that out on the mission.

Danny: 16:32

Yeah, yeah, and it was like it was a weird thing because I almost felt like I knew it was true, but I had to be able to continue to start. I'll start that foundation of actually digging in or reading the scriptures to find out or to confirm that it was true. Yeah, so it's like I knew it was true by the feelings that I had, but I just needed to read it to verify it.

Talmage : 16:55

Just paraphrasing You've kind of like grown up a lot. You've learned a lot about the gospel, about the church in general. You've helped people. Let's say take yourself back. You're about to come home from your mission, but you're still out. What were your thoughts, what was life like in your head for when you're getting back? And what was reality?

Danny: 17:20

Yeah, that's the funny thing is, I remember in my mind everything's on pause at home, no one is doing anything.

Danny: 17:27

I know people are doing stuff, but in my mind no one's doing anything, that they're all just waiting for me to come back and then life starts. Yeah, but it's crazy because my sister's growing up, my parents are getting older, the girl I had been dating, she had gotten married and it's like, dude, that's rough. I mean yeah, but I mean it's crazy because it's like in your mind everything's just on pause. I was so ready to come home, like I was so ready to like take what I learned on the mission and apply it to my, in a sense, my new life, my new perspective on life, and I think that's what I was most excited about was okay. Now I have this foundation, I'm ready to apply it when I get home. And yeah, so when I got home, the day I got home, I got home like at seven o'clock at night and then hung out with my family till 10 o'clock at night, and then I ended up going to college the next day Holy cow Dude, you hit the ground running.

Danny: 18:31

I remember like, yeah, it was like within like a few hours just coming home, then getting released and then going to college the very next day having everything packed.

Talmage : 18:42

Dude, that's crazy. Yeah, hit the ground running, that's good.

Danny: 18:46

Yeah, as a return missionary, I think that was like the best thing for me If you have too much time on your hands. It's like yeah, I think that was the best thing for me. So it's like then I so I was in Boise for not even 24 hours and then I headed to Utah State. Dang yeah.

Talmage : 18:59

Utah State. How'd you like it?

Danny: 19:02

You know, I think, school to school doesn't matter what school you go to, just not for me.

Talmage : 19:08

Yeah, yeah.

Danny: 19:10

Yeah.

Talmage : 19:10

But Utah is so much better than Boise, so if you know me, you know what I'll say.

Danny: 19:17

Can't wait to come back to Boise. Ah, boise is all right. Boise is the greatest place ever. Actually, I'm going to say it's terrible, so that no one goes there. Like I wanted to say as small as possible, because too many people move there. Dude, it's huge. Yeah, so yeah it's very sad.

Talmage : 19:32

Yeah, bummer. Okay, so you're back home. Those struggles that you had before the mission where you just like to party, you felt like you were going to get excommunicated by the Bishop Did those ever resurface when you got back home? Because a lot of missionaries experienced that I did. When I came back home, I experienced a lot of those old sins, old habits Resurface, even spurred on by old friends.

Danny: 20:02

Yeah, and I think there was a couple of things where they came back, but overall I felt like I was still on the right path.

Talmage : 20:14

Dude, good for you.

Danny: 20:16

And I think there was a couple of things where it was just me being busy, like that's my biggest thing is. If I am busy, I don't have time to do those other things, and so it's like would I get in trouble a little bit here and there? Yes, but was it in the sense of I was falling back into a different direction now?

Talmage : 20:36

And I yeah.

Danny: 20:37

And so it's like for me. I thought my life was going pretty well where, you know, go to college and dropping out, but go back to Boise, meet a girl, get married, and so get married in the temple and I felt like everything was going on that right direction. How did you meet her? So at the time when I moved back to Boise, I worked at T-Mobile for a little bit, trying to figure out dude that was kind of back to the.

Danny: 21:05

What am I going to do with my life? I don't want to be a T-Mobile for the rest of my life, but yeah, so it was my first day working there. It's her first day back from her mission and got her number and then started talking, started dating and then got married.

Talmage : 21:25

Dude, nice yeah, but I know the rest of the story.

Danny: 21:30

So not quite.

Talmage : 21:33

So it sounds like everything was going pretty dang good after the mission. Yeah, for a year or two years.

Danny: 21:43

Yeah, so I was married for almost four years. We were together for almost five years. Yeah, sometimes, like when things are all going right, it's just a matter of time where something happens and it can change your life, you know, all at once. And that's kind of what happened to me is I woke up, long story short. I woke up and she asked for a divorce. And for me, I was very blindsided. I didn't understand why. I thought I considered her my best friend. I considered her the person that I was going to be with forever, and that was hard. And so we got divorced.

Talmage : 22:34

Was it quick, did it yeah?

Danny: 22:37

It was. She asked for a divorce. Did she give a reason? The reason was she. Well, I asked her. I said you know what's going on? And she said I think we want two different things. And so when I asked her what she wanted, she said I want to be happy. And to me it wasn't making sense.

Danny: 22:56

Later on I found out that she had been cheating on me with a coworker and so I think a lot of that stuff it messed me up pretty mentally. When you feel like you were doing a lot of the things that you should be doing not perfect, but you feel like you were on that right path, that you were following the promptings and the spiritual messages, and then that stuff kind of happens, it sucks. And so after I mean she asked for a divorce and was gone within an hour, and yeah, I didn't sleep, didn't eat or drink for three days, I just sat on the couch Like my mind was spinning so much. I remember when she was leaving I was trying to talk and trying to joke and make sense of it and trying to just process out of my mind. But it messed me up and it was something that I never thought was going to happen.

Danny: 24:06

I was so confident in our marriage that I thought I would be the one to mess up the marriage in the sense of I don't know, this is a weird way of saying it, but I was so confident in our marriage I thought I would be the one to cheat and I would never cheat. That's how confident I was in our marriage. And so for that to happen, it hit me really hard. And yeah, like you know, as time goes on, like I super angry, I didn't want anything to do with a church, I didn't want I don't know. It was just like I Did you feel abandoned?

Talmage : 24:50

Yeah.

Danny: 24:50

I felt abandoned, I felt angry. I was just mad because I remember when I married her, I know I received a prompting that she was the one for me to marry, and so I was so angry about that prompting and I was so angry that why would God have me marry this person if he knows that she's going to leave me in the end? And that was very hard, yeah.

Talmage : 25:19

And so it's like I didn't know what to do, really, leading you down a path that they know is going to really hurt you. That would shake your faith Absolutely. That's tough, oh my gosh, especially when it has anything to do with romance and love, being faithful.

Danny: 25:42

And I think that was a hard thing too, because I think for me in my mind I had told myself I will never get divorced. My parents got divorced and I will never be like them. And I think there were things that I realized, or I kind of recognized that were hard in our marriage, that at the time I didn't realize. One, I was working night shift for four years and so working night shift, working 12-hour days or 12-hour nights, it takes a lot on a marriage. So I kind of recognized for me at the time that's what my ultimate goal is to have a wife and kids and have this family. And so I recognized that that job puts too much stress on a family. I saw it with my dad.

Danny: 26:38

He had the same career as me, I had the same career as him. I don't know if I should, Okay. So at the time when I was married I was in law enforcement and I was on night shift for four years and after getting divorced I recognized that how much stress that night shift and that career puts on a family. And so for me, recognizing my ultimate goal was to have a family and to have like a wife and kids, I realized I needed to change careers, and so I left that career to pursue doing filmmaking full time and so got divorced, changed my career and I decided, for whatever reason, to move to Utah. Which three of the hardest things to do?

Talmage : 27:35

And yeah, that's on top of that.

Danny: 27:37

I wasn't ready to do some of those things mentally, because as I moved to Utah, I was still so angry with God and so I didn't want to do anything with church. And so, even though my ultimate goal is to have a family and kids, it was in my mind at the time was, well, I don't want to be part of the church, but that is still my goal. And it was kind of like this mixed thing, because then it's, that's when I started falling back into different things, of going back to my old life.

Talmage : 28:11

Dude, that's crazy. Career, family and place of residence all changed like that.

Danny: 28:21

Yeah, I don't recommend it.

Talmage : 28:23

Utah divorce. Totally different career. You went from law enforcement to doing videography content creation. It's crazy.

Danny: 28:33

Yeah, and that was probably the one good thing is the career change where me pursuing this dream that I've always wanted, I was nonstop go, go, go. But I also recognize that I was running from a lot of having to deal with a lot of emotions and a lot of different things, different traumas from my divorce.

Talmage : 28:54

Yeah, I can't even begin to imagine what kind of scars that would give me, because I mentioned abandonment, but like it's not just from your wife but from God.

Danny: 29:07

Yeah.

Talmage : 29:09

Like you, led me down this path. You abandoned me. I served a faithful mission. I thought I was going to be blessed for this and you abandoned me. Yeah, even Christ has said that while on the cross he's like God. Why has thou forsaken me? And it's like such a oh man, it's so I don't know. So personal makes me want to cry. But it's no wonder you had to work through a lot of stuff and you felt like you wanted to separate yourself from God because you're like well, he did it first.

Danny: 29:46

Yeah, it's something where, before you go on a mission, a lot of times you think that serving a mission, everything after that's going to be perfect. I think sometimes people look at church leaders where they are perfect beings. They see them with these church leader roles and you think that they don't ever make mistakes. And at least for me, in my mind it was. I miss a mission that's going to set me up for the rest of my life. I'm almost like, yeah, I make little mistakes here and there, but I wasn't going to make the bigger mistakes.

Talmage : 30:18

Yeah.

Danny: 30:20

And that's yeah, it's something where then you know, serving a mission, come back, I'm doing the right things, going to church, getting married in the temple. So I'm like there's no way I'm going to slide backwards. Yeah, Not messing it up now, but I definitely did and that's.

Talmage : 30:42

But a lot of it wasn't your fault Like it's good that you're taking accountability and you're like, yeah, I messed up.

Danny: 30:49

But I mean I think I think that's a hard thing because it's like, yeah, the divorce sucked and that caused a lot of trauma. I just dealt with it wrong. I definitely sinned, I definitely made my mistakes. There are healthier ways to go about it. I think the hard things that were for me was my pride, and I never wanted to go talk to a therapist In law enforcement. It's kind of like this stereotype of don't talk to a therapist. That means you're crazy, it means you're weak, and so I never want to talk to a therapist. Like that was not for me. I was never going to do it and I was just going to deal with it by just, you know, working hard.

Danny: 31:31

I saw my dad growing up. He dealt with stress by putting his head down and going back to work and it's not a healthy way because you're not dealing with it, you're just you're putting it off to the side and I mean, obviously it's. I've had to learn the hard way, but I recognize that now it's like I've. I've been going to therapy, I've been dealing with it in a healthier way, but it took me a couple of years to recognize that, and so I heard a quote at the end of end of the year last year. A man has two lives and the second one starts when he recognizes he only has one. And so me, turning 30 this year, I realized how short life is and I reflected on what are my priorities in life and I knew I wanted to have a wife and I wanted to have kids. And then I thought, if the perfect woman showed up to me right now, would I?

Danny: 32:28

be, ready and I know I I wouldn't be. And so I had to look at what are the three things that I need to do, what I need to work on my physical, I need to work on my mental and I need to work on my spiritual. And I know I couldn't work on my spiritual because I had no energy for it. I was depressed, I had anxiety. Maybe you didn't know, you're not, I just I was a wreck. And so the beginning of the year I decided you know, I'm just gonna start going to the gym every single day. And as I went to the gym every single day for a few months, I started having more energy. And as I had more energy, I realized I had the ability to now work on my mental side to deal with my depression, to deal with my anxiety, because the way I was dealing with it before was temporal things, things that would suppress it but not actually help me with overcoming depression and anxiety. And so after a few months of going to the gym, then I decided how do I work on my mental? And it was.

Danny: 33:40

I decided I was gonna start running, and at the beginning of the year I could not even run a mile, dude. I struggled to work to run a mile, but I started running because I hate running Like I hate running with a passion. But I realized if I can do something that I don't want to do, then I'll be able to overcome other things. And so I think a lot of times people with depression and anxiety, they don't want to get out of bed and it ends up keeping them in bed. So in the morning, when my alarm would go off, I would get up and go straight to running and I would just do that over and over and over again. And I still struggle with wanting to run, but I still have to do it, to work on my mental, to do things that I don't want to do, so that I never get stuck in my depression and my anxiety and not getting out of bed. And then, after a few months of doing that, then I finally started realizing I had the ability to work on my spiritual. And I mean this is just in June of this year or it would have been May of this year where I decided I wanted to figure out what I believed in, because at the time I didn't know if I wanted to come back to the LDS church, but I decided at first I was reading books.

Danny: 34:56

After I started reading a couple of books I decided I wanted to start going to different churches. But what I was going to do first was go to the LDS church to kind of check that off, get into one of the singles awards here, and there was something about the bishop that got me hooked and I think it was because I went into sacrament and he brought up a story about one of his friends being in law enforcement and then being kidnapped by the cartel in Columbia, and of all stories to actually get me hooked, it was that one, because I think a lot of times me going to church, I have the hard time of hearing about the I don't know like. I had to fight some struggles today because I didn't know if I should make brownies or if I should make cookies for Relief Society and I knew that was Satan trying to keep me with contention and I'm like that is not my like. If that is what you struggle with, that is great. Like I, I, those aren't my mine. Mine are a whole nother level and so I can't relate to that.

Danny: 35:57

But when I was able to relate and hear a story about law enforcement the one when he talks about. You know, my, my best friend is in law enforcement and then he was kidnapped by the cartel. That's what hooked me into hearing like I want to hear this story. It wasn't like, oh, this is like the church, it was, I wanted to hear that story and so hearing him talk he's like I want to share with, share this next week. And then so I went back next week and then it was just like. Then I heard he literally did a part two.

Talmage : 36:26

He's like hey, come back next week and I'll give you the rest of the story.

Danny: 36:31

And it's funny cause later on, when I, when I ended up meeting with him and talking with him, we actually talked about that story and I was telling him how that actually got me to want to go to church and but then, even in that word it's like how real some of the people are. One of the guys talking about, you know, recovering from drugs and at one point, burning Book of Mormons.

Talmage : 36:55

I, I loved you would not expect yeah.

Danny: 37:00

I loved the raw part of stuff because it's always. It was always hard for me to go to church and hear people. I know no one lives a perfect life, but I think sometimes with our culture we want to put on our best selves, which is great. But then I think we're almost like doing like this, not or I don't know like this like way of pretending to be someone that we aren't. And I know we're striving, we want to strive to be better, but we're almost hiding our. We're hiding our sins and acting as if we've never done that stuff. So when other people hear about our sins, it's almost like you feel like this judgment towards your sins and whatnot.

Talmage : 37:42

Yeah, I don't know if that means that Something I used to do. I used to be very judgmental and I used to be very just to stick in the mud, very vain, worried about what other people thought of me at church, and so I would be fake humble or fake vulnerable. I would share like a little sin I did. So, it looks like I'm, it looks like I'm humble, looks like I'm vulnerable and I'm repentant, but I'd keep all the real raw stuff that I actually need redemption from.

Danny: 38:19

Yeah.

Talmage : 38:20

Hidden in a corner that nobody knew about. And I, if I do it, I'm sure other people don't.

Danny: 38:28

Yeah.

Talmage : 38:29

And so when I see people do that, I'm like what's the real story?

Danny: 38:34

Yeah, I'm always that and it's funny because now I'm like I feel like I was the opposite, where I'm like I'm judging everyone, saying you guys, you guys don't sin Like I have, like you guys wouldn't be able to relate to me, and so hearing those stories helped, in a sense, humble me and realize that everyone has those struggles. I am still not perfect, I mean I, I still. I mean I swear all the time and I I try not to. It just comes out but like it's.

Talmage : 39:01

I've played Call of Duty with you. Call of Duty, yeah.

Danny: 39:05

But, like I'm, I'm so far from perfect that sometimes I get in my own head About. I am so much farther behind than everyone else at church and so sometimes it's still hard for me to go to church, because I know my sins, I know my struggles. Yeah, I don't know. I just hope that, like you know anyone that's listening that they're, they realize that they're not alone, that that it's like there are a lot more people that struggle with sin. Everyone struggles with sin, but I think your. I think a lot of times what we do is, yeah, I know everyone struggles with sin, but my sins are the bad ones and worse than yours, yeah, and we start playing this like my sins are worse than yours in that. But I guarantee there are a lot of people that that sin just like you and struggled the same way, but it's just not talked about at church.

Talmage : 40:00

Speaking of which we should probably talk about it. Like, like, like pornography. I struggled with it big time. I struggled with making a lot of bad decisions in my dating life as well, and that's something that a lot of people are ashamed of to talk about, especially in the singles ward. Yeah, totally get it, and you don't have to announce it to everybody, but I don't know. I've noticed, like an elders corn, if it seems appropriate, and I mentioned that guys perk up. They're like what? Yeah, they're like I'm mentioning pornography and masturbation and messing up on a date and like what? Yeah? And then they're like I agree with what he's saying. Yeah, they don't want to say anything that will like, paint them red, but they're like, yeah, what he's saying, like, and suddenly they feel like somebody relates to them, that somebody else in the church has struggled with these things. Like there's bishops that have that struggle with pornography and they've they've gotten a lot better and so they can become bishops.

Danny: 41:08

But, like, even some of the greatest men struggle with these things, and it's not even men too, cause it's like I got. I got back from my mission and I remember a sister from my mission asked me to give her a blessing and I'll try to give her the blessing. I was talking to her and she says I struggled with pornography. And it's just. I think there's so many extremes about it. Where I've struggled with pornography, I've struggled with it. Okay, you know, in college a girl that I was dating asked me if I, if I, struggled with it and I told her yes, and then she's sending me a video about Ted Bundy no man interview, about how the reason why he is the way he is is because of pornography. And I'm like no, I think there's so many extremes about that word. Yeah it, I. I'm not saying it's good, I'm not saying I'm not like hey it's okay.

Danny: 42:05

No, but I'm what I'm saying is so many people struggle with it and it's a sin that's hidden. I know it's a sin that when you struggle with it, you feel like no one struggles with it, yeah, and then you feel like you can't talk to anyone about it, and I Do hope that people feel that they can talk to other people without being judged. It's like I struggled with it for for quite a while. It's something that took me a while to work on and, yeah, I just hope that people can Find resources or find other people within their ward or even reach out to me. I mean, it's like I I Would love to help people with with a lot of their sins, because I've I'm not someone who can judge someone and I have struggled with so many different things.

Danny: 43:01

I've been able to overcome a lot of things. I'm not perfect by any means. I haven't found the way to I don't know swearing. I still. That's a whole other thing. Sometimes I still don't think that's a bad thing, but that's just. That's just me. So, coming to Utah, I know a lot of people. It's a different culture.

Talmage : 43:22

But like I love what you're saying, like with that girl that had the courage to talk to you. Yeah, about it, and that's even as shameful as it is for a guy, girls feel more shame about it.

Talmage : 43:34

Oh yeah because there it's a smaller population of the girls that view it, but Funny enough, I think it's like 35% of porn users are girls, which you wouldn't think you'd think it'd be like 5%, but it's. It's actually a high number, and the highest, fastest growing demographic of porn users are middle-aged women, which you wouldn't think that'd be the case, but it is.

Talmage : 44:00

And it doesn't make them any less worthy of love or of support, but it's a problem that they're going through and it's something that we all need to Try to help out with yeah, and in our society, and it's not just porn, like there's a whole slew of sins that we can in problems that we all have, but the ones that do the most damage are the ones that are kept in secret. Yeah, absolutely.

Danny: 44:31

I would definitely agree with that, and I think you have to look at why you're. Why are you sitting or why are you stuck with some of these things? And a lot of it for me, was masking, so going out and drinking. It was because I didn't want. I didn't want to feel my emotions like we're when I go out and socialize with people. It wasn't that I was. I needed a liquid courage to talk with people because I can talk to anyone.

Talmage : 44:57

But I like the most charismatic person I know.

Danny: 45:01

I wanted to drink because I was, I Was lonely, like it was a weird thing where, it's like I wanted to suppress that feeling of being lonely, I could be in a room with so many people and be the loneliest person, and that's why I did that, and so I had to recognize that and that. You know, going back to like my, my physical, mental, spiritual aspect, as I started working on my physical, mental and spiritual, I Was actually able to get rid of a lot of different things, because as I started working on myself physically, I wanted to start eating healthier, I wanted to start taking care of my body in the sense of, if I'm gonna put it all in all this work, I don't want to start putting crap into my body. So it's like that's when I stopped doing a lot of those things. And Then it's the same thing with mental. It's like, okay, I had different struggles with my mental health and as I'm running and I'm working on that, I'm I'm almost trading that sin for something healthier, and so that was that was like my way to break a lot of these Different sins and different, or overcome a lot of these different sins, was trying to find ways to work on physical, mental and spiritual every day.

Danny: 46:18

Yeah, and it's like I'm not perfect at it. I don't. It's like I tried it. I've been trying to read Scriptures every day for a while, like I was all of a sudden I was very dedicated to reading perfectly every day, but I'm not. I'm still not perfect at it.

Danny: 46:32

I'm a lot better at my Me going to the gym and me running my spiritual stuff I still struggle with trying to do every single day, but I do recognize that I have more conversations with God and I still consider that being a spiritual win is taking the time to have those extra spiritual conversations with him and even like, even if you, when I would like mess up in a sin or mess up in sin, I would still try to talk to God, because I think what happens is, say, you drink, after you drink, you're like, well, god doesn't want to talk to me, and I think that that's that's the lie that we're being told is that God doesn't want to talk to you, and I think the quicker you can talk to him, the more, the faster you're gonna be able to overcome those sins. Actually, you're gonna be able to move away from those different things a hundred percent agree.

Talmage : 47:22

I remember when you started doing the spiritual side of your journey.

Talmage : 47:28

Mitchell, my older brother, one of your like really good friends, he he's just telling me about you coming back to church and he's like it's so Cool to see the change in him, like there's so much more light in him and he's like and when I'm, a lot of my friends are like leaving the church right now. It is like the most I Don't know how to say it like builds his courage, in my courage to see you Like just change your life completely Because you lost a lot of weight.

Danny: 48:08

That is one of the great things about this journey.

Talmage : 48:11

He lost a lot, a lot of weight. You completely changed, like spiritually, and you, dude, I haven't known you for a long, but I felt comfortable enough to come to you when I was having a really hard day, because you are that person that doesn't judge and but you still have a high standard, meaning that you're trying to strive to be like God, and I was able to open up to you and I was like I'm having a crappy time with it right now and you're just like. It was so interesting because you were like putting stuff together to go do a shoot, like all of your gear, and then, as I was talking to you about it, you like just stopped and then you like focused on me and it was such a I needed it that day.

Danny: 49:01

I'm glad I was able to help. I mean, like I'm not perfect at being able to come up with every scripture mastery, I came to you one scripture master I can. I still struggle at telling stories. Well, from the Book of Mormon. I still struggle saying which, which person was that, which one or which story was that. But I know the feelings that I have and I think those are sometimes more important because I can Memorize something, but if I don't have the feeling and the impressions with behind it, I almost feel like it's empty. And so I can always share my personal stories, I can share my personal impressions, and I hope that that is able to help everyone. And so I was so grateful that you opened up that day, because I'm still obviously I'm still not perfect.

Danny: 50:00

No one's perfect. I know we hear that all the time, but it's like even sometimes I feel like when I hear someone give like a talk or stuff and I hear about their journey, I'm like, yeah, but they're perfect now. But it's like even for me, like I still have doubts, I still struggle with having motivation to have my spiritual journey, but it's the idea of, when we fall, just getting up quicker. I think that's all it is. We just need to get up quicker. We should all recognize that we will have our doubts, we will have the we'll have these different struggles, but as long as we keep moving forward, it's everything's going to be okay in the end, amen. It's okay to question everything. That's what the foundation of the church was built upon was questioning everything. And when Joseph Smith did that, he questioned every church and he found answers. And I think sometimes we forget that, that even if you know maybe something new commandment comes out, question it, pray about it, figure it out.

Talmage : 51:17

Arasalaam Nelson was like learn how to get personal revelation. You won't be able to survive in the last days without it. And so and that includes getting personal revelation about aspects of the church doctrines and you can't get that revelation unless you ask questions. And so, yeah, I 100% agree. Dude, I'm really grateful you you were down to be on the podcast.

Danny: 51:46

Yeah, thank you for having me Appreciate it.

Talmage : 51:49

Is there anything else that, like you, would like to say to some returning missionaries? Any last message?

Danny: 51:57

It's funny because I think, in the way that I say it, I think sometimes people will take it as in oh, he's just giving people okay or permission to sin, and I'm like I'm not, I'm not saying to sin, but it's okay that you're making mistakes. Just pick yourself up and move forward. That's really it, because you're going to make mistakes and I know we talk about that church, but then I think when it happens, we are so hard on ourselves. So you're going to make mistakes, you're going to sin, you might fall back on certain sins. Just pick yourself up and move forward.

Talmage : 52:44

Hey guys, thank you so much for listening to that episode of released. Danny is awesome. He's a really good friend of mine. I loved having him on. If you or anybody you know has a great story that they would like to share, that could positively impact return missionaries, please reach out. Ask me about how to keep you on the podcast or just how to share your story on the podcast. I feel so grateful to be doing this again. Last season was amazing. I really want to do it right. I don't want to let things slip through the cracks, and so I just appreciate you guys. I appreciate your patience, I appreciate your encouragement and just the vulnerability. I've been hearing as people have messaged me telling me about their released stories and the hardships that they're going through currently or that they have gone through. I just want to remind you all that God is planning on your success and even though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry.