Growing Pains: SOLO Episode

I've grappled with the growing pains that have simultaneously sculpted and tested my resolve. In this solo episode, I talk about how some of my biggest blessings have been the hardest things to bare. and I confess to moments when it felt like I was barely holding on. I recognize that growing pains are a sign of growth and I can look forward to greater capacity and strength moving forward. Douglas Malloch's poem "Good Timber" finds its way into the episode. 

Transcript

Talmage: 0:00

Welcome to another episode of Release the Podcast. This episode is gonna be a solo because that is all I can do right now. It's been a pretty crazy week, a pretty crazy year actually, and I know it's only January, but it feels like March. The theme of this episode so you know what you're getting into before you listen to it is growing pains. There's been a lot of growing pains for me lately. Honestly, if you look at my life 15 months ago, it is unrecognizable. I am unrecognizable and I'm really grateful for it.

Talmage: 0:38

I think I've grown in a lot of good ways and not to say I didn't love who I was before. I've learned to love that person and he did his best and he set me up for who I am today. But now I don't just love myself. I can look back at what I've done in these past 15 months and feel proud of myself Not okay, I shouldn't use proud, because that's one of the seven deadly sins but I respect myself and that's a new thing for me and it feels really good Now. I'm not perfect I hate how a lot of people always preface that and I'm doing it right now but there's a lot of growth I still need to have, but it's nice to look back and say, hey, 15 months ago I could not handle this. And look at me, now I'm handling it. Weakening is a little bit, but I'm doing it. So let me give you an update of the three biggest things that are going on in my life right now.

Talmage: 1:43

So, number one let's talk about released. Released is amazing. It has been incredible. This is kind of on my own time. I don't make any money off of this, but it is something that I absolutely love to do. I've gotten to meet the best people. I've also met the most amazing girl. You guys know her, mary. She is incredible. She's helping out with released. She's on the backend, helping scheduled guests, helping do a lot of the organizational stuff that I'm, frankly, really bad at, and so thank you so much, mary. And Mary isn't just helping with released, she's actually agreed to be my wife and I am so excited about it. She is the most amazing person I think I've ever met.

Talmage: 2:32

And the third thing is work. Work is awesome. We've grown so much. We've gotten our production so much smoother and higher quality. Our team is better, our systems are better, our clients and our work are better, and it's just coming together. It's so nice we're having more podcast inquiries than ever before, but with all of this being said, all of these great and amazing blessings, there comes a big responsibility. Released is amazing, but it takes up a lot of time.

Talmage: 3:08

Getting engaged is the most amazing thing ever. It is a dream come true. But I'm sure you guys can probably guess that there's a lot that goes into that. There's a lot of planning, not just for the engagement but for the wedding later on, and then with work, while it's amazing and things are growing, with all that growth there's a lot of responsibility that's falling on me. Like the basement downstairs I'm building it out to be another podcast studio, which is gonna be better than this one, and I'm so excited about it. But it's so much work and that's on top of the work that we're already doing.

Talmage: 3:45

With all this being said you guys kinda get the context I feel like I'm drowning. Over the past months I've eaten a lot of humble pie, a lot of people asking me to do more when I already feel like I'm at capacity. I feel like I have nothing more to give. The great thing about these people asking for more is they see my potential and they know that it's better than who I am right now. I know I could be better too. I feel like I'm not at my potential yet, but I feel like I'm at capacity. I'm going to be doing a 13 to 14 hour day today, working.

Talmage: 4:23

Just earlier I got out of a meeting where there's another humble pie buffet. I walked up from the basement and I sat down and I was talking to Mitchell Mitchell's like you doing okay. I'm like yeah, yeah, I'm trying. I was trying to convey how I felt, how I felt like I was really stressed out but also hopeful. I said I feel like I'm exponentially growing right now. The reason I know I'm growing is because I feel like I have exponential stress and pain right now. When I said that, I was like oh wow, I was just thinking about all the growing pains I'm going through. I'm like, okay, well, if I'm having growing pains, then I must be growing. It made me think of a poem. I know a poem. You guys know I love them. They're great. Just the classics though.

Talmage: 5:22

This is called Good Timber by Douglas Malick and it goes like this the tree that never had to fight for sun and sky and air and light, but stood out in the open plains and always got its share of rain, never became a forest king, but lived and died. A scrubby thing. The man who never had to toil to gain and farm his patch of soil, who never had to win his share of sun and sky and light and air, never became a manly man but lived and died as he began. Good Timber does not grow with ease. The stronger wind, the stronger trees, the further sky, the greater length, the more the storm, the more the strength. By sun and cold, by rain and snow. In trees and men, good Timber grow when thickest lies the forest growth. We find the patriarchs of both and they hold counsel with the stars whose broken branches show the scars of many winds and much of strife. This is the common law of life.

Talmage: 6:27

That poem doesn't need a bunch of explanation, but I'm going to talk a little bit about its application. I've already talked about it a little bit. I've given you context of what's going on right now, some of the hard things, but I'm hopeful. Last night I was laying in my bed and I was writing in my journal which is the best thing ever Get your thoughts out, make sense of it and as I was lying there again. I felt like I was drowning. I didn't know what to do. More was being asked of me than I could give and I felt guilty and I felt like I had an obligation that I couldn't fulfill. And it was the worst feeling ever.

Talmage: 7:16

The man downstairs, Satan, was really working on me last night Because as I was lying there, I was crying and I just looked up and I'm like God, I need help. I need to know that if I'm going to jump in head first, you're going to freaking, catch me, because there's a lot of responsibility that I'm telling people I'm going to take on and I need help. As I was sitting there and praying, I was doing it out loud, because sometimes that helps me focus. Nothing came to mind. I didn't have any new thoughts or a warmth in my bosom or a feeling that it's all going to be okay. I'm like God. If any time is the time to tell me things are going to be okay, it's right now. I need it. I need nothing. So I woke up the next morning and I didn't hit my snooze button.

Talmage: 8:11

I got up today and I went for a run and I did some pushups and then I went to work early and I recorded this podcast called Pure Intelligence. It's more of an online course. It's not out yet but it's going to be awesome when it's out and I was listening to the host and it's all about spiritual well-being and as I was listening, I didn't have a single moment of aha. There's so many things that each guest said and the host said that built me up, that made me know that dang God's listening to me. One of the women actually was talking about how she was crying in bed very similar to me, but hers was from PTSD and then she's holding her little girl's hand in bed because she slept with her two little girls because she had PTSD, and all of a sudden one of them was like Mom, can we sing a song? And she's like what do you want to sing? And then the little girl said I'm a child of God. And the little girl started singing, singing it all by herself, the entire thing, and she's like three and then falls right back to sleep and she knew immediately that was God reaching out to her and saying, hey, you're not alone, you're my daughter. We're going to get through this.

Talmage: 9:45

Another guest talked about how he was a guide climbing up these giant mountains in Alaska and how they'd be hiking through these glaciers. Some of them would be 3000 feet thick and there'd be giant crevices that you could drop a car down and you wouldn't hear it at the bottom because it was so deep and you wouldn't hear it hit the sides because it was so wide. But sometimes the snow would fall and it'd make a little snow bridge over it. So it looked like it was safe to walk on but people could fall in. And he talked about how he fell in. But he was tethered to a guy and he's able to climb out. And then his buddy fell in. It was much heavier than him and almost dragged him in. He was able to anchor himself just in time and as he was trying to pull the guy up, he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough. The rope was already frozen to the side of the wall. The guy at the end of the rope, 50 feet down the crevice, couldn't climb up because he wasn't strong enough and he was too cold because he was surrounded by ice. And the guy at the top of the glacier realizes there's nothing in his power that he can do. So he prays, he says God, this is completely out of my capacity. I do not have the capacity to save this man, but I'm not going to give up. Please help me. By a miracle they got signal for a radio and there's some people that were able to come and help them just in time. This guy probably would have died within the next 30 minutes to an hour because he was so cold, suffering from hypothermia.

Talmage: 11:25

As I was listening to these guests share their testimonies and their stories, it bolstered me in mind. I felt like I was at capacity, but I know that God is there for me and for you. Return missionaries. I just want to say God is there for you. You might feel lost, you might feel purposeless. You might feel like there's nothing going for you, or you might feel like there's everything going for you and you don't know what to choose and you're drowning and there's too much being asked of you and there's no way you can handle it all. Don't worry, god's got you.

Talmage: 12:04

We're going through growing pains right now and it hurts, it's hard, it's stressful, but we're going to come out on the other side and look back and be like dang. I went through that. I respect myself. I just want to say I love you guys. Thank you so much for everything you do. This has been a dream for me. Doing release and I'm excited to keep going. Make it even better, and if you're feeling down and stressed and like you're at capacity, just remember God's in your side. He's planning on your success and though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry, and inside of that ministry, god will provide you with everything you need to succeed, and not just succeed, but find peace while doing it. I love you all and I'm grateful for this gospel, and I'll talk to you guys next week.