Released
Released
Three Pillars of A Successful Return Home: TJ Faamausili
Talmage Interviews TJ Faamausili about the three pillars of a successful return home. Order, Purpose and relationships helped TJ in his RELEASED STORY.
TJ is a Cohost of the popular podcast This Is Kingdom, he's a seminary teacher, is married to his wonderful wife lora and has a little boy. His post mission life has been blessed by the gospel and implementing these three pillars. But in spite of the blessings, lessons have had to be learned through hardship and hard work.
Join us as we discuss these pillars looked like in both Talmage and TJ's life.
You can find TJ on IG at
@tjfaamausili and @this.is.kingdom
If you want to watch the episode on Youtube subscribe to
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8EZ-7YBnrwt05tMnJhG3BQ
TalmageThayne
Released_thepodcast
Remember, God is good and is planning on your success. And though you've been released from your mission, you haven't been released from your ministry.
What's up guys, welcome back to another week of Release the Podcast. It's good to have you back. In this week's episode we got to interview TJ Fa'amasili. He is awesome, he's great. He is a seminary teacher and I had him on to talk about the three principles that most helped him in coming back from a mission, and those were order, purpose and relationships. I hope you guys enjoyed the episode. Let's jump in. So, tj, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
Speaker 1:We're actually going to be doing a new format. We're going to be making it more topic-centered, with the guests to come share their experience, of course, but it's going to be topic-centered. And who better to have on the podcast than TJ, the host of a very well-known podcast or a co-host of a very well-known podcast? This Is Kingdom Dude. Thanks for being on. Yeah, thanks for having me, bro. Yeah, totally Well, today we're going to be talking about three core principles that every returned missionary needs to have or should be thinking about developing in their life to have a successful transition home, and that is order, purpose and relationships. And so, dude, let's just jump right in and kind of just jump into the order section. When we were talking on the phone the other day I was asking you what helped you in your transition, and those were the topics that you kind of brought up, and so, yeah, what are some of your thoughts on that first topic of order? Why is it important for a return missionary?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just I love narrowing it down to these three just because there's so much that happens when you come home you know it's crazy and I think order is a great one, kind of to come first just to pour energy into order because it's chaotic you know what I? Mean there's chaos when you come home. Sometimes, totally you're trying to figure out what do I do with my life, like, how do I like, is this even gonna help me get a job now?
Speaker 2:kind of questioning things, chaos. There's old friends that you see, and was that what it was like for you when you got home? Um, yeah, I mean for me when I got home it was, yeah, just like not a lot of direction. My, I feel like and I and I had life before the mission, but as far as like my spiritual and like real life goes like it really started like on the mission for me you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:I feel like I was kind of asleep in high school and so after the mission I was like, well, what do you do now? How do I? What do I? How do I apply everything that's been going on for the past two years into like normal life, because I hadn't before yeah you know.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, there's chaos, there's just different. There's a lot of decisions how do you use your time, and a lot of things in the world, I feel like tries to pull you in life, tries to pull you like a million different ways and it will if you let it Totally. And so I love the thought of pouring lots of energy into order, and what I think of order is like structure, like in specifically, like a schedule yeah you know, because you go on the mission like it's kind of strict you know, you have your bedtime and your wake-up time and everything's planned in.
Speaker 2:And I feel like when I came home I was like all right, man, like let's freaking party and let's just like not party party yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like let's, let's, let's stay up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I can stay up as late as I want, no more 1030. I can sleep in, I could do whatever. And what I found is, when I lost some of that order and schedule and structure from the mission, it just opens you up to all kinds of crazy stuff and bad stuff that you don't want to get into, especially if and we talked a little bit about like bad habits and stuff before the mission and for me, just speaking from my experience and speaking from what I've seen, is that if you come home and kind of trash your schedule and trash your sleep and trash your, your food and just everything it's and trash your, your food and just everything it's, I don't know.
Speaker 1:To me it was like a fast track of like going back down those bad paths.
Speaker 2:You know what? I mean yeah, fast track back to porn or whatever you use, or toxic relationships, whatever you use to like feel good, yeah, and so. I feel like order is just big time dude. It's huge I.
Speaker 1:I've shared this experience before on the podcast. But a week after I'd gotten home I kind of like let go of my schedule. I had gotten my first smartphone I ever had, and then that week I had looked at porn.
Speaker 2:A week after being home.
Speaker 3:Yeah, bro.
Speaker 1:And the cause, the structure, wasn't there, it wasn't supporting me. And then I, and then it was chaos in my head. It wasn't just chaos in my schedule, but I had no order in my head after that point because I had a lot of shame and guilt.
Speaker 1:But um, it kind of sent me spiraling and I know there's a lot of missionaries that come home looking for that break and by all means like rest, like when you get home have fun like have fun, like and and celebrate, but you also want to hit the ground running, otherwise you might get some skid marks coming down on that runway yeah, yeah, that's a good way to put it, yeah, so I think um yeah having some yeah, just like you said, having some order.
Speaker 2:I think the the sleep schedule is a huge one and something that's interesting when I went to school, because I went to BYU Idaho when. I first got home and so that kind of forced me into into order where I had school and then studies and then work and everything, and so that helped a lot. But man, I wish I had someone to like shake me when I got home and my parents tried, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But yeah they it's, it's for them, they want to love and support all that they can. But I just remember getting home and then being like like mom, like what are we doing at 3 30 PM tomorrow? Like. I don't cause you're so used to having everything planned and I wish I had someone gap in the schedule. Yeah, Like, what are we doing? Like should we go like knock some doors, or you?
Speaker 3:know what I mean.
Speaker 2:But it's like I wish I. I wish I go back to my younger self and be like dude, like you gotta, you know, set it. You set yourself up for success with your schedule, with your sleep and with your habits and with your phone. My phone habits are are really good, just way different than right when I got home. But I wish I could tell myself, like, do the whole check your phone in thing, man, because it's so quick and it's so easy.
Speaker 1:And I think what do you mean by checking?
Speaker 2:your phone.
Speaker 1:Oh, just like, whatever, just charging it another room or like when you're going to bed, you're like, yeah, I don't need it on my nightstand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dude because either you're gonna be up freaking, looking at weird stuff, or or. You're gonna be distracting, yeah yeah or you're doom scrolling and then it messes up your dopamine and everything, and then you stay up another few hours or whatever. Then you're tired the next day and then it's anyway yeah um, so yeah, dude, checking the phone in at night and then just like on the mission, bro, just like being intentional about having certain things locked down like I don't even have, even to this day.
Speaker 1:I don't have Instagram on my phone right now, oh really just because it's so quick to for temptation and distraction and so, um, that's smart because but I do know that you have a lot of followers on Instagram or you post. Do you post frequently? Or yeah, I try, is it? Do you just download it for that little time?
Speaker 2:I'll just use on my wife's phone. Oh, it's on my wife's phone, so I guess if I was single it'd be a little bit different.
Speaker 1:Have to have different, but I think as long just being intentional about it intentional and yeah like accountability like I I would do that with my roommates, stuff like that, where I'm like hey, bro, could you unlock my phone for 15 minutes? I I need to download something. Yeah, dude, yeah, yeah, I love that and yeah.
Speaker 2:so even if you want to use social media to post, I just have a time set apart every day just a certain part in the evening and it's just a chunk of time where I'll post, respond to anything and then I'll scroll a little bit, but it's just for the time allotted and so that has been a big part of order. Coming home, I'm trying to think. If there's any other ones, I'd love to hear. What you have the main ones, I think is having a schedule and being intentional about your phone. As far as order. Anything else that helped you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm a really good example of what not to do and when I got home I kind of worked for my parents. I didn't get like a normal job and I wish I had, and because with your parents you can kind of slack off and they're going to forgive you because you're their kid, and so I did Um, or what did you guys do?
Speaker 2:I was.
Speaker 1:I was supposed to help with um dad's business.
Speaker 2:And I did.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't like it would have been if it was for somebody else's company. I think my just young, immature mind, I was just kind of freeloading for a bit.
Speaker 1:And so I would say, like, if that is a tendency of yours, like, don't, don't take the easy path when you get home and work for a family member, if you know you're going to be lazy about it. Um, because if you can't have a schedule, have something to get you up out of bed, like going to BYU, idaho was that for you. You had to go to classes at a certain time, you had to turn in assignments at a certain time. It gave you order For me.
Speaker 1:I didn't get into school right away, I was working for my parents and then I quit that and I started working another job, but it was very self-motivated. It was like knocking doors and getting signatures for this petition, and at that point in my life I would say a lot has changed and I I am very self-motivated now, but at that point I wasn't and I needed structure. And so, whether it is doing full-time school, working full-time, doing like I don't know, being part of a what's it called A nonprofit that does these service activities, those kind of things that can fill your day, will just do wonders. And Satan loves those idle hands. He wants you to be lazy, because as soon as you're lazy, he can start putting tons of ideas in your head of what you can do to not be bored, and I promise you all those ideas.
Speaker 2:And so, yeah, yeah, there's better ways to use the time Totally, totally, and so I would say.
Speaker 1:I'd say that would probably be a really good one. Um, it's just having that having something that forces structure on you.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think also, uh, the man, I don't know what it is, but there's preach my gospel, bro. Like it's just, it's crazy and I'm like I remember being on the mission and being like man. When I go home I'm going to do all these things Like cause, all these relate so good to real life and they do. But I came home and I didn't do it. And it's funny because years later, being home, I find myself when I when I'm finding the most joy and fulfillment. Now it's because I'm applying those principles and preach my gospel and I think, for order, it's especially like chapter eight. You know what I mean Like setting goals and making plans.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm sure you do this with your brothers and your business and everything Like I think continuing to work on your personal development and working on your goals and plans for your physical, emotional and spiritual health like that plays a big role in order as well.
Speaker 1:What are some of the practical things they talk in chapter eight?
Speaker 2:They talk about I think for sure like setting goals in those main areas of life and it's funny because you know on the mission you set goals for, you know who you're teaching and who you're trying to help baptize and whatever. But now you come home and it's just easy. You just take all those, but now you just transition them into what you got going on now.
Speaker 2:Like what your goals with dating and your goals with your personal study and your goals with work and with other things, and there's all those jokes about dating and investigators.
Speaker 1:It's like, oh yeah, I have a progressing investigator, but in all seriousness, it's not.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I have a progressing investigator, but in all seriousness, it's it's not a bad idea yeah to be
Speaker 1:like hey, you know what, like I'm gonna make a goal to like meet one new person every day, while I'm at school and whether that's a girl that goes on a date sweet like it doesn't matter. But having having something specific that you've written down that you can track like. I think it's thomas s monson's quote that's in chapter eight, where he says um goals written down will like do wonders, but goals written down and then tracked after that will I can't remember the quote, but basically, yeah, just being intentional just seeing it through.
Speaker 2:And we got so pumped on the mission because we were like, okay, if I set this goal, god will know my plans, we'll be able to align and he'll put someone in my path. It's the same in life after the mission.
Speaker 2:You know, what I mean. So you got to set goals and then you got to make plans and I'm also a big believer and it's not as strict and as structured as on the mission, but I love the idea of having a loose little weekly planning session for the week. You know what I mean. Especially when you're married, you need to be on the same page as your spouse, so you don't get you know, thrown off, and then you're fighting and they well you didn't tell me about.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So the weekly planning is so helpful for that, and then even a little daily planning checking in. Okay, how am I accomplishing my goals tomorrow? You know I love that.
Speaker 1:With weekly planning? Do you have comp inventory? Yeah, dude, I was about to say that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bro, and it's funny again, that's something I said on my mission and then it's. It's taken me a while in my marriage to to help us to do it. And it's really cool, man, it's really important and it's funny, because all the marriage books not all, but there's a lot of marriage books that help couples be intentional, and if you go through your comp inventory you're like doing a ton of the things that they're telling you to do in the marriage books to, to you know, acknowledge and praise each other for your strengths and ask for help with your weaknesses and ask about your goals and and discussing the strengths and weaknesses of the companionship and everything like.
Speaker 2:that applies so good into marriage, cause it gives you an excuse to bring it up.
Speaker 1:Cause a lot of times, if you're like conflict avoidant, you're just like I'll just deal with it yeah. But then your partner's like, no, like, tell me we're doing comp inventory, yeah, what could I do better?
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it kind of gives you an excuse to be like okay, fine, the way you, I don't know throw your wet towel on the bed really just irks me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I love it. That's awesome. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, bro, and I love yeah, and you can just. I hope people that hear this we'll just hear. The whole theme is just yeah, it's just order. Is doing things on purpose having a structure and having order to your life. So the chaos doesn't just have you all messed up, you know.
Speaker 1:Dang. I love that. Was there any specific moment when you got home like in terms of a story, like any specific moment where you felt like your life was chaotic and it doesn't have to be when you first got home. It could be a couple of years after, but your life's chaotic, it feels out of control told you to change something in your life, to put some order in it. What was that thing and what was the result of adding order into your life?
Speaker 2:Man, I'm trying to think it's kind of interesting because where you talk about the family business, when I came home, well, after school, I went and worked with my uncle. He had a like a food catering business for Hawaiian barbecue and it was super yummy and it was. It was a great yeah time with him, um, and everything about the work and with him was awesome. I got to stay with him for a little bit and but yeah, I mean even even kind of through that I wasn't super intentional about like my schedule and stuff.
Speaker 2:And it wasn't until I met I and it's it's kind of embarrassing and kind of funny to me now, but there was even a few times I like I think either I went to church just for a little bit or I didn't even go. I don't know why I'm bringing this up, but when I moved down from BYU Idaho, I guess, this will tie in later. I'm going to tell this part later because this has to do more with the relationships.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:But anyway, I think the thing that actually helped me with order was when I started teaching seminary again. So I, I, I taught some seminary up in Idaho and then they're like okay, if you like, when you get married, like hit us up or hit up seminary people down in Utah and then you'll be able to.
Speaker 2:But then I came down to Utah and then it's so funny, it's like it's a long story. I won't I won't tell all of it, but I got set up on this double date and then me and the and my date just ended up being like like homies and then she was like hey you want to just come yeah, it was just to meet her dad, and then the dad called up the seminary people here and then they got me a job.
Speaker 2:Wow and so. And so being put in that position and I'm sure this may be hopefully this can relate to other people in their own situations Not everyone's going to be a seminary teacher. You know what I mean. A seminary teacher, you know what I mean. But being put in this job where I had some like purpose weaved into it, where I was trying to help out the youth, and having some things expected of me to show up and to be worthy and to study and prepare those things kind of pushed me naturally to get my order and get my schedule on point, to make sure I'm waking up at a certain time so I can get my gym in, so I can get my prep, and then going to up at a certain time so I can get my gym in, so I can get my prep, and then going to bed at a decent time.
Speaker 2:So hopefully something in that can relate to somebody but having a job, that was kind of purposeful for me and that I feel like is an opportunity that God put in my life that kind of pushed me to be intentional about order, getting some more structure.
Speaker 1:Ah, dude, I freaking love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what about?
Speaker 1:you. This has happened several times throughout my life and it's just become stronger every time it's happened. But when I have the reason I say I'm a self-starter now I can be very self-motivated now is because I had a goal that was pushing me towards that, and that was I had met a girl and she That'll do it to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it'll do it to you and I'm, I was just like man I I want to be the man that can provide, the man that can be reliable, that can be counted on, and and so I just started putting things together in my life. I started, um, working harder than anybody else would work. I started, uh, getting in on time, which sometimes I have lapses, and I come in at like 10 instead of nine but, I, always put in the hours, um, and.
Speaker 1:And then, honestly, after that, I I've had a couple of girlfriends, but after each girlfriend that desired to be that man, the reliable, consistent, hardworking man, got stronger and stronger and I'm engaged right now. I've never felt it so strong in my life than right now. I want to be everything for her and it's been such a blessing in my life because just her presence, her mere presence, has made me a better man. Um, which man I love that.
Speaker 1:I could talk about this for hours. It's. It's definitely a topic I'm passionate about, but, um, yeah, I would. I would say that's been probably one of the biggest motivating factors for me to put order into my life. I love that. That's awesome. Yeah, Order has clearly been something huge in both of our lives, because we've experienced the opposite at some point. Um, let's kind of transition from order to the second topic which can honestly really help in order, and that's kind of what.
Speaker 1:I talked about was once I found a passion. It helped me develop order into my life. And so, with passion, why do you not passion sorry purpose? Why do you think purpose is so important for these return missionaries?
Speaker 2:I think one of the things I hear the most from return missionaries and I think I felt it too totally. But just okay, I did my mission. I came home like what now? You know what I mean? What's my purpose now? Because on the mission, and it's interesting, because on the mission it's easy, because you have your purpose, like given to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's ran out, yeah.
Speaker 2:And you say it every morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got your purpose. You know we invite people to come unto Christ, help them receive the restored gospel, and every single second of every single day we're making goals, making plans, having a schedule, teaching lessons in order to help accomplish that purpose. And then you come home and then it's like, okay, cool, now I have to like get a job and make money and go to school and everything. And then you have this feeling of you know, lacking purpose and lacking fulfillment. But it's so important because when you come home, your purpose honestly doesn't change. I mean, you're still inviting others to come into Christ and helping people restore the gospel. It just looks different.
Speaker 2:On the mission, your purpose is people. I remember our mission president walking us through the exercise in that chapter one, where he had us underline any, any word that would refer to someone other than you, because it was saying, like you know you there's, there's people around you. They're struggling. You'll find them in the streets and you'll find them. I know in the new revised version it says you'll find them online and you'll, you'll you'll find them wherever, yeah, and your purpose is people.
Speaker 2:And when you come home, your purpose is still people. It's just different people. You just got to find your people that you need to serve.
Speaker 2:And now it's a little bit different. Instead of your investigators, now it's your friends and family that you're around more, and instead of you know members and your companion, now it's in dating and in friends and in your ministering assignments and in your ward and in your callings. And so I think this is so important and I'm excited to unpack it with you, because if we can just remember that, we can still have a strong purpose when we come home, then we won't say things like that was my best two years, or I felt closest to God in those two years, or you know, whatever fill in the blank in these two years.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because now you got the next two years to live out your purpose and fulfillment and helping and giving and growing and serving. You just got to make the mental transition of what that looks like in this new way of life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, I freaking love that. Something that just came to my head. I don't know why I haven't thought about this before, but I really want to do it now is I want to write out my purpose and state it in the morning.
Speaker 1:Like looking in the mirror, just be like, hey, my purpose is this and I want it to be like specific to me. So it's not just like like I had another guest on. We talked about purpose and a lot of us are very vague with our purposes. It was like to come to earth and gain a body, and gain experience it's like which is true, but we need to be a little bit more specific with ourselves, um, and so yeah, that's, that's definitely something I, yeah, I, I just want to dang yeah, I that's that's definitely something I yeah, I just want to dang.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I need to do that. Write that down, because that will give me a lot of motivation for those days when you don't feel like keeping the order.
Speaker 2:You don't feel like getting up and working. Yeah, I love how you're like weaving those, because they are so connected.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They're in. They're all connected. It's it'll be fun to talk about that. They are so connected.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're in, they're all connected. It's it'll be fun to talk about that, yeah, but yeah, and I, I do love what you're talking about. It's. It's about people. It's about the impact you can have on people like your purpose and um. At the end of every podcast I do with released, I say um, remember, god is good and is planning on your success and though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry.
Speaker 2:Like you're still here to teach.
Speaker 1:You're still here to serve, to help people come closer to Christ. And instead of doing what I did, when I came home from my mission and saw my parents and resort like reverted back to being like just a big kid and being like, oh man, like, let me freeload, cause you come back to that situation where you were used to being taken care of.
Speaker 2:So it's, it's natural, and I'm sure a lot of people can relate with that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I bet I bet a lot of people do. But instead of doing that, like, what if you came home and you were a support to them, you ministered to them, you, you built them up, rather than said, okay, I did something great, now give me, like, give me rest, give me a job, give me all this stuff, and so, man, what? What a great way to come home and just be like how can I serve my family now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was an article in the I think it was in the friend or the Leah owner or something, something, and the article was returning home to your mission and I like.
Speaker 2:I love that, I like that, especially with purpose, and just a little hack maybe with writing down the purpose, something that I've done I think patriarchal blessings are amazing for this, you know and something that I did. I kind of combined, as I was like praying and pondering about my own purpose, I kind of received, received some direction, and then put that together with a little bit of my patriarchal blessing that is very having to do with my purpose, and I kind of put that together and I kind of made that like my little purpose statement.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I try to look at it every morning and I think, like Steve Covey talks about having a purpose statement or whatever for your company or organization or organization habits yeah, I think so I need to read that I think it's a habit too yeah, um, but that's been something a little bit of a hack for me would you mind sharing it, unless it's too personal um sure, I've never I've never really, uh, shared it, shared it, but I, yeah, I feel fine about sharing it.
Speaker 2:Maybe this hope, maybe this will help people as they're looking at their blessing, and so I put with God, I will provide an example that will bolster the faith and strengthen the confidence of those who are weak. My example, and this is just these are just some lines from my patriarchal blessing. I put this together it says my example is needed for those who need someone to cast their eyes upon, to inspire them to rise up and live after the manner of happiness, which is, after the manner of righteousness. And so I guess just what, like reading this again and reading some of these things that I feel like God has put on my heart, like it?
Speaker 2:yeah it is really a powerful thing, like kind of triggers me to like wake up and to remember oh, I have a purpose today.
Speaker 2:I'm not just I'm not just going through the, I'm not just going with the flow, I'm not just going through the motions. I have a purpose, like God has a work for me to do, just like on the mission now he has has it for me. Cause you come home and even when you get married, now your purpose is your family. Now you're, you're out, and even if you're making money or you're progressing in your education or school, like it's all for them.
Speaker 2:It's like that song, like it's not about you. Do you remember that one, the EFY? It's like it's not about you.
Speaker 3:And it like calls me out every time, cause it's like dude if you're getting stressed or worried, like just chill out, like it's not about you, and it's like that scripture.
Speaker 2:It's in third Nephi 13. And then I know it's in, it's in the, it's around the Beatitudes as well.
Speaker 1:We have a book of Mormon. Do you want it? Oh yeah, bro, let me.
Speaker 2:Grab it, sure, get it from the source. Thanks bro, I know I should have it memorized because I'm a freaking seminary teacher. So, yes, this is 3 Nephi 13, verses 31 through 33. And it says, therefore, take no thought saying what shall we eat, or what shall we drink, or wherewithal shall we be clothed? And so to me it's saying like don't stress or worry about all these temporal things Verse 32, for your heavenly father knoweth that you have need of all these things. Like God knows, you know what I mean, like God knows what we're worried about. And then he knows what's what's most important. And here it is.
Speaker 2:Verse 33, but seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and here's my favorite blessing ever and all these things shall be added unto you. And so, yeah, man, I love those verses. It reminds me and it wakes me up, like you put God first and you, you make him your purpose. You love God, you love people, and everything falls into place in the best ways, oh, man and it doesn't always look pretty you know what I mean, like it's it stinks, sometimes coming home and totally.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you're even trying to do this and it doesn't look like what you expected. But yeah, I think it's so important get your purpose on.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. It reminds me of a story about my dad. He he kind of got pushed out of his business by a business partner and he's trying to start something up. We had just moved, so like another mortgage on top of his shoulders and he's just feeling stressed, um, and he's like we're running out of money. I, I hired a couple people to try to help start this other business. I don't even know if I can support their families, let alone my own, and he's feeling stressed and he's sitting in his office at home and he just had the thought, like, open the scriptures and he's like, okay, which one Bible? Because he had the quad where it's separated, so he grabbed the bible new testament, old testament. He's like, okay, new testament, old testament, new testament. Okay, uh, which book, matthew? Okay, which chapter? Matthew 5? Oh, no way, which verse I'm trying to remember? Is it 26? I don't remember.
Speaker 1:Is these verses. It's so close to that. It says for behold the fowls of the air.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, that's that same part, yeah.
Speaker 1:Neither do they reap nor gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? And he's just like okay, god, I'm, I'm gonna put you first and I know you're gonna take care of me. Um, and it was so, so good. I didn't learn about it until like years later. Uh, but that business that he was starting did well he was able to support everybody on his payroll.
Speaker 1:He never missed a payroll he was able to be. He made one of the greatest cultures I've ever seen inside of the business. And so, god knows, and like, when your purpose is him, his purpose is you and you can count on that. I love that and so like that's, that's the whole purpose of why he gave us his son in the first place and it's for us. It doesn't have any other ulterior motives, and so, man, that's. That's freaking beautiful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Thanks for sharing that story, bro. That's really inspiring about your dad, I'm feeling and listening to that. I'm just. I worked out with a buddy, um, the other day and he was one of my roommates from BYU Idaho and we've kept in touch and we were working out and I'm so inspired by this dude because he's been going through the tough coming home from your mission, things Like he's been going through the yeah, just all the things about that young adult life um and I'm so inspired by him because lately he has just decided he's like no, like I'm gonna, I'm gonna tune in, I'm gonna tune into god man, I'm gonna stop listening to so much music and stop listening to um podcasts.
Speaker 2:Um not saying people should stop listening to this podcast. You gotta tune into, tune into this one. But he was like I'm going to drown out the world and I'm going to tune into God and he's been making these changes in his life because he's been stepping into his purpose and his purpose has been enforcing his order, which has been helping just everything and something I felt inspired to share him, to share with him, and if it's yeah, if it's okay, I'll just share another one.
Speaker 1:I don't mean to be a nerdy seminary teacher Dude, I freaking love it. We need more seminary teachers sharing this stuff, but it's just in.
Speaker 2:I just want to share this to emphasize the purpose that God has for all of our return missionaries here and is for everybody. So it's from 1 Nephi 21. Term missionaries here and is for everybody. So it's from first Nephi 21. Uh, nephi is like teaching these cool verses from Isaiah. And we get these cool verses where verse uh, this uh, first Nephi 21, verse 15. And Isaiah is teaching about how God's not going to forget us. You know, he says like in verse 15, I'll just paraphrase he's like will a woman forget her baby? And it's like obviously, it's like no, but he's like a woman will forget her baby before I forget you.
Speaker 2:And then he's like behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands. Belonging like, oh, like Jesus, like, put us on his hands. And I think on the mission we feel that we experienced that for ourselves. We have that come unto Jesus, the come to Jesus moments and everything and but, and that's so good and so powerful. And, yes, please remember like we have belonging in Jesus. That's number one, but in a few verses.
Speaker 2:In verse 22, it says thus sayeth the Lord God, behold, I will lift up mine hand. And if you remember what's on his hand, it's us right. And he lifts up his hand. And who does he lift it up to? I'll lift up my hand to the Gentiles, or those who don't know him yet, or those who have forgot him, and set up my standard to the people.
Speaker 2:And so this is Jesus saying hey, listen, I don't care if you're pre-mission, during your mission, after your mission, he says you're on my hands, and not only that, but I trust you, I have a work for you to do. I want to lift you up, I want to set a standard with you to those that don't know me yet and those who, maybe, who know me, but they've forgotten me, and so I just share that to emphasize, like I wanted to emphasize to my friend, that God was working in his life in this way and I just want to say, like, god's working in everyone's life and he has a purpose. He wants to set us up for success and he gives us purpose in order to find and experience that.
Speaker 1:Dang, I never thought about those scriptures that way. He uses us as that standard once, oh, wow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's cool. Same with like I'm the light of the world and then you're the light of the world right. Like it's all over. We just gotta remember, man, there's something bigger than just coming home and having to get a job and going to school and trying to hopefully get married.
Speaker 3:There's so much more than that bro yeah, it's so much more.
Speaker 1:Oh man, I freaking love that. Honestly, this is a really good transition point, unless you have anything else to say about yeah.
Speaker 1:No, it's okay, we can, but this is a great transition point to relationships because, like we've been talking about, like when we come home, we we focus on and we focus on other people. That is still our purpose. It's to be that standard to the nations, it's to help serve minister, all this stuff and so. But we often need that ourselves, we need those standards and those relationships ourselves. For you, coming home from the mission, what role did relationships play?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it was really special coming home, because when I was in high school I had a terrible relationship with my parents and with my siblings because I was the oldest and I was a punk, you know, like I was taking everything for granted and I was being a punk just trying to be cool, trying to be happy myself.
Speaker 2:And so when I came home from my mission, so kind of on my mission, I was able to apologize and this one night I was just up late my companion came out. He's like yeah, you good elder, and I was just like bawling, just writing all these letters home to my mom and my siblings and my and my dad, and and so was able to mend some of those relationships. And so when I came home, some of the best, uh, relationships that was so important for me and just fueled me was those family relationships. Yeah, um, building those relationships and it's so fun, just it was so fun just getting so curious with my parents, just asking them like like wait, how did you guys meet? And like how do you guys stay strong in the gospel? And like having these conversations that built up those relationships and then hanging out with my siblings too, that was like such a crucial time, and then hanging out with my siblings too.
Speaker 2:That was like such a crucial time before I went off to college, yeah, and so in that, yeah, in that phase, that was really powerful and I think that's a great thing for return missionaries to pour into, pour into your family, you know, just cherish those and build up those relationships. And then, and then it was college, and so then I had, you know, um, roommates played a big role, you know roommates, and then teachers and mentors and and different things like that.
Speaker 2:And then, and then we have our you know our mutual homie Talon, and that the man friends, like Talon, like just God sent just angels, bro, seriously, and I do believe God sends angels in the forms of friends, and so those are a few.
Speaker 3:Sorry, I know this is kind of general but, family relationships and then friends.
Speaker 2:And then obviously dating, and then finding my wife and then, our little baby boy.
Speaker 3:Oh, you have a little baby boy. Yeah, he's about seven months now.
Speaker 2:Dang, that's awesome, and so now it's all them. So I think there's kind of seasons and phases, but I'm a big believer, bro, that when you come home, those three things. So first order, purpose, but then relationships pouring into those relationships, because there's times in young adult life when and I try to say this too, because there's so many I hate. When people are, I don't hate, but I just don't think it's super healthy when we're in extremes about the phases of life, like sometimes as a young young adult saying like, oh, you'll get, you'll you finally find happiness when you're married?
Speaker 2:or the flip side of that, like, oh yeah. Like live it up while you can, because when you're married it's over, you know you know what I mean, it's so dumb because, it's. No, there's. There's beautiful, amazing experiences to be had when you're single and there's different things that you have access to and you don't have access to as you're progressing through different relationships. Yeah, um, but yeah, that was kind of like a ramble but dude pouring into relationships bro.
Speaker 1:It's big time. Was there a specific relationship I kind of want to ask about Talon, but if there's one that sticks out more to you, I want to talk to you about that. But earlier you're like man, talon was a godsend, like kind of the older brother in my life that I needed at the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what was the story behind that? So me and Talon didn't know each other super good, but we taught together and I'm actually having a hard time remembering what which came after what. But there's two big things that happened, and this goes to show that when you're living in purpose and following the spirit, that God will use you in your relationships after your mission. So there was this time when I was going through a breakup, and it was a really tough breakup. They're the worst. It was just it was tough and it was kind of messy, and a lot of it was my fault too, and I knew I needed to. We both knew this. Well, I don't need to talk about all that, but the breakup needed to happen and it was messy and it was tough. And so I'm driving to the temple cause I want to sit in the temple parking lot.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And uh and and then it had. It was on the phone cause it was a long distance thing. And Talon texts me that day, bro, and he's like dude, do you want to like? Do you want to go get some IHOP?
Speaker 1:sometime soon.
Speaker 2:And I'm like in my head, I'm like, I'm like no, and then my body's like yeah, you know, but so I'm like going to the.
Speaker 1:I'm sad but I'm hungry.
Speaker 2:My soul needs it, yeah. But so I'm like going to the, my soul needs it, yeah. And so I go and and we have the conversation and the breakup is just sad. We're crying Like it just sucks, you know, and fast forward to going to IHOP with Talon. Um, I show up, you know, I get my, my steak and eggs, you know, and he gets his stuff and he could tell that something's off with me. And so it just comes up of the situation that I'm in and you know I'm sharing about how sometimes there's breakups where you feel like it's right, you know it's right, but you still, like want to go back and you have regrets and you have, you know, kind of a negative mindset about it.
Speaker 2:And Talon tells me and this is like no lie he had gone through the same exact thing different girl, you know, but same exact thing exactly a year before like to the month, like in the same month he had gone through that, but his was a little different because when he had some of those regrets and some of those things, they actually had gotten back together yeah and then broke up again, and then back up to back together.
Speaker 2:Oh really, yeah, that's crazy, that's cool and so, and so he was able to sit there and tell me and look me in the eye and say, dude, you don't want to do like what I did. And he's like I feel for you and he actually busted out some scriptures on me about just teaching the principle of being able to move on and trusting God that he has a better path for you and the other person, and so that was obviously like a big relationship building thing with me and Talon. But I think back and I know that it was powerful that way One because God knew me and knew both of us, and also Talon was in tune to reach out because we weren't even good friends yet, yeah, and but because I really believe God orchestrated it and Talon was able to be a huge blessing to me and then that built a really cool friendship which then led to us taking that little trip down with Emily Freeman to to grab her daughter Grace, where we came up with the whole.
Speaker 2:The whole idea, for this is kingdom, which is such a huge part of all of our purpose, our post-mission purpose, now, and so anyway, yeah, that was a lot but just relationships and God moving things together, bro Dude he reached out at the perfect time.
Speaker 1:He did the same thing for me. Man I was, I was moving. I was like I just need to move. I need to, I need to change in my life, because I was in in recovery and I wanted to just change my environment yeah, I love that and I can't remember. I think it was Hunter Newbold, actually he. I just said hey, I'm looking for a place to live.
Speaker 1:Hunter's like, live with me and talon I'm like, oh, yeah, maybe and I think I jumped on the phone with talon and he just totally convinced me he's like dude, we're totally gonna be roommates, we're gonna be living here and
Speaker 1:like and I was like, okay, fine, and so when I joined, like uh, joined the crew, it was just kind of the same thing. He, I think, I think that's the theme in his life he's, he's been able to be there for a lot of people, which is just so cool and I want to be the same way and be that kind of guy that acts on those promptings.
Speaker 2:that can be the guy that people can turn to and lean on when they're going through a breakup, and those are talents, yeah, yeah, and it just like it just goes to show man because and it's funny again how they're all weaved in together- because, talent is someone who has order in his life, someone who's living in purpose and that set him up to really show up for a friend who needed him.
Speaker 2:And I think it's the same for all of us. If we can start pouring into these three things pouring into order, purpose that will set us up for relationships and then being a good friend and finding connection and relationship with people who are striving to have order and purpose. It reinforces your ability to pour into those as well, and then you're just growing together with people you know what are striving to have order and purpose. It reinforces your ability to pour into those as well, yeah, and then you're just growing together with people.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean Because that's a huge thing, like you really do have a choice when you get home, because in high school you're kind of surrounded with people already.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And even on the mission you're kind of surrounded by people.
Speaker 3:already You're assigned to your companion.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You're stuck sometimes for way too long, you know. Sometimes, though, yeah, it's just funny to think about.
Speaker 2:Well, that's a whole nother thing about missions and companions, yeah, um, but when you get home, you you get to choose who am I going to spend my time with and what relationships am I going to build, who am I going to be there for and's. I think it is really important to be intentional about your friends when you come home, who you spend time with, and I used to be more extreme on this and I've backed off because I actually had a friend open my eyes, cause I used to be like, hey, if they're not, if they're not the best friends for you, if they're kind of toxic, like just cut them off, like don't spend your time there.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I had a friend who actually opened my eyes to some of the different purposes that I think God has for different friendships. I think it is good to have some one-sided relationships. Helps us just give without expectation. I think it is good sometimes.
Speaker 1:What's it called Service without attachment? Where you just like give and don't expect anything. You shoot them a nice text, don't expect them to text you back. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think it's good to have friends where maybe they don't have the same standards and values, because then you get to learn about just loving people and not expecting of them to do anything, but I think it goes to show something when Jesus was spending time with everybody, loving on everybody, but he always had his core group of disciples group of disciples and I think in that I don't know if Jesus needed to have strength in that, but I know the disciples found strength and I think for return missionaries it is very valuable to surround yourself with uplifting people who you can lean on, who you can strengthen and who you can find strength and comfort in as well.
Speaker 2:Amen, ah, can't, I couldn't say it better yeah, can I ask you, bro, what, yeah, what role has uh relationships played in your life? Maybe friendships or just whatever like post-mission?
Speaker 1:it's been huge for me. I I'm an extrovert, I'm a shy extrovert. Um, when I, when I grew up, that sounds kind of scary very very scared to talk to people, very self-conscious, like how do people see me? But I'd always get energized around people and so I'm like I I do love people oh, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:Um, but when I was going through kind of like a dark stage in my life with bad decisions, addiction, turning away from God, I thought the gospel was great for everybody except for me. I had friends that never gave up on me, like friends that could have cut me off if they had. If they're like, oh man, I just need go-getters in my life or people that are going to inspire me. And and they saw the worst parts of me. Um, like, uh yeah, they saw the worst parts of me and they still loved me. And then my family saw the worst parts of me and they still loved me. And then my family saw the worst parts of me and they still loved me. And it just baffled me. I was like how I don't get it. How can you still love me after I've I've been a freeloader in your business, I have, um I've I've said I would get better, and I never have. I make the same mistakes over and over and all this stuff, but you still love me. And it blew my mind and so I started to think maybe they see something in me that I don't. I share this quote all the time, but it's one of my all time favorite quotes.
Speaker 1:Abraham Lincoln once said I'm a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let him down. And that's kind of what it was for me. In the beginning I was like man. They seem to really believe in me. I might as well throw them a bone and try. And I started trying and I saw some progress and I'm like whoa, that was cool.
Speaker 1:Maybe there is some merit to what they say. And, like all, thanks to God and the people in my life, because my life is unrecognizable from what it was four, four years ago, um, and so I would say relationships have saved my life, um, in a very literal sense. And, and you don't want to let go of those. When I got home, I've actually never been suicidal I want to make that clear but I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away from home, from everybody that knew me, so I could just start over in a new place. Nobody knows me, I can have my own standards, nobody's going to judge me, I don't have any eyes on me. Thank heavens I didn't, because I had those loving people in my life to help me and I don't think I yeah, I know I wouldn't be where I'm at today without them. I'm in a family business now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, it's awesome.
Speaker 1:I freaking love it and so be. Don't take your relationships for granted. Um, like, just just don't do it. I I don't know how to say any stronger than that, because you'll be surprised with how loving and, I don't know, accepting and encouraging they are to you when you open up to them.
Speaker 2:That's beautiful brother. Thanks man. That's powerful man I love that Totally Dude.
Speaker 1:Well, dude, I've loved having you on man, Same man it's fun to talk about this stuff. Yeah, it's been awesome. I want to turn the time over to you for the last, like couple minutes, just to maybe say last thoughts that you'd like to say to these return missionaries that are coming home, might not have that order in their life, might not um have a purpose or friends, and they might feel alone. What would you, what would you say to those missionaries?
Speaker 2:oh man I. What would you say to those missionaries? Oh man I. One thing I want to say is how good is it to know that we have someone that we've gotten to know on our mission who is actually perfect at order he has the order thing down. How good is it to know that you're walking with someone that has a perfect purpose and knows everything that there is about purpose? And just how awesome is it to be walking with someone who's perfect at relationships and he's the best relationship coach. And I hope that any of these, any of our missionaries here, return missionaries.
Speaker 2:I hope none of them forget, and I hope we never forget, our savior, Jesus Christ man. Uh, our savior, Jesus Christ man. He's, he's the number one. And when things feel like they're falling apart and like they're chaotic, he's the one that can bring order to your life.
Speaker 2:And when you feel like you're lacking purpose and fulfillment and you feel like you don't know what the heck is going on when you got home, he's the one that has the purpose for your life. And when you feel like you, when you're feeling feeling lonely, or you feel like you don't have that friend group yet, or you feel like you're not that best friend, yet he knows what it takes for you to show up in the ways that you need to, and then, with what you say, with success. I can't wait for you to drop it here at the end, but you know, when we feel like we're achieving anything but success, he's the one that knows about success and he'll help us experience that. I just hope and pray that everyone that's been listening will remember these three things. And then not to get overwhelmed. You know what I mean. We have covered a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I think the main thing, the main takeaway is just decide to move towards order with Jesus, Decide to move towards purpose with Jesus, decide to move towards building relationships with Jesus, and I believe that when you do that with him, everything's going to be okay and things are going to work out and fall into place. Dang.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wow, I love that. That is the way to do it. That is a great way to take a small bite at a time at each one of those. Well, can you tell everybody about where people can find you if they want to hear your podcast or just follow along with your life?
Speaker 2:want to hear your podcast or just follow along with your life. Yeah, yeah, thank you. No, just on uh, on this is kingdom, on just on everything. Uh, mainly mainly instagram got our community on there. And then, just on my personal account, I've been trying to post more. It's just tj and no one's going to be able to spell that, but I'm sure you'll throw it somewhere. But if you just type TJ, f, a, a, m, it'll pop up.
Speaker 1:So ah, dude, that's great.
Speaker 2:And I got to say, man, y'all need to keep listening to this podcast, bro, like, keep listening to Talmadge and released man, this is, this is a big blessing, that that you've been taking time out of your life to live in your purpose that God has given you to bless them and help them on their journey. And so, man, I hope everyone, we just all, keep listening.
Speaker 1:Dude, thank you so much. I appreciate it and thank you guys so much for listening. It's such a blessing doing this and if it has been of help to you, please leave a review, rate it. It helps a lot more than you guys know, and just for me too. It helps the algorithm, of course, but it helps me know that people are listening and it's making a difference. But if you or anybody you know has a story, knows stuff about coming home from a mission, the hardships that come along with it and also the success and wonderful blessings that can accompany it as well, please reach out. You can reach out at releasedthepodcast at gmailcom, or just release the podcast on Instagram or Talmage Thane on Instagram, and just remember God is good and is planning on your success and, though you've been released from your mission, you've not been released from your ministry. We're not going away, a thousand miles apart between you and me. Remember we're not. We're not going away.
