The Quarterback DadCast

Resilient Parenting For Dads - Author, Dr. Kate Lund

• Casey Jacox • Season 7 • Episode 335

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The pace of family life can turn even the best intentions into frayed nerves and short fuses. We sat down with Dr. Kate Lund—psychologist, author, TEDx speaker, and host of the Resilient Parenting Podcast—to unpack a practical path back to calm leadership at home. Her core idea is refreshingly doable: step away to step in. By carving out a few minutes to regulate stress and reflect, we show up steadier, more patient, and more connected with our kids.

Dr. Lund opens up about her family, including supporting one twin’s choice to attend a boarding school that fits his learning style and rowing goals while his brother thrives locally. The message: there’s no single right path. When we stop comparing and start scouting for the right environment, kids gain confidence and momentum. She also shares her own story of childhood hydrocephalus, the role of her parents in focusing on possibility, and how those lessons shaped her clinical work with families navigating anxiety, burnout, and big transitions.

We dig into two small habits with outsized impact. First, the relaxation response: a five-minute breathing practice, morning and night, anchored by a calming word. It lowers your baseline stress so difficult moments don’t spiral. Second, the daily wins exercise: three to five things that went well each day to retrain your attention toward progress. One dad’s journey from burnout to renewed joy in sport and family connection shows how tiny, repeatable steps rebuild identity and trust. Along the way we talk patience, gratitude rituals, journaling you’ll actually use, and the power of two words to reset the room: breathe and think.

If you’re balancing career, parenting, and the invisible load, this conversation offers tools you can use tonight. Grab Dr. Lund’s book Step Away: Keys to Resilient Parenting, subscribe to the Resilient Parenting Podcast, and share this episode with a friend who could use a calmer game plan. If it resonated, leave a review and tell us: what’s one daily win you’ll write down today?

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SPEAKER_02:

Hi, I'm Riley.

SPEAKER_01:

And I'm Ryder. And this is my dad's show. Hey everybody, it's Casey J. Cox with the Quarterback Dadcast. Welcome to season seven. Can't wait for this season as there's a lot of great guests ahead. If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple. It's a podcast where we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them, and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home. So let's sit back, relax, and listen to today's episode of the Quarterback Jackcast. Well hey everybody, it's KCJ Cox with the Quarterback Jackcast. We are in season seven, everybody. How freaking cool does that sound? Uh we are on the path to interview a thousand dads. Um actually we're gonna have a thousand episodes because we're gonna have 994 men, but we're gonna have a woman on the show today, everybody. And this is not just the normal everyday mom. This is uh the one and only Dr. Kate Lunn, who I met through the fantastic Megan McCann. Shout out to Megan, and I was lucky to be on her podcast uh a few years ago, which was called The Optimized Mind. Um, the show is now transitioning to something called the Resilient Parenting Podcast with Dr. Kate. And she isn't just the this a random person that I want to have on um to promote a book, which we will, but it's it's more about um something specific. I think it's gonna hit all of us dads at home. Because let me ask you a question, dads. Are you have you ever been a dad, juggling your career, your family, maybe an unexpected setback, you feel frustrated. Uh well, guess what? Dr. Kate is someone that we can uh lean on for help because she's an author. She's a TEDx TEDx speaker, but she's also um the author of an upcoming book called Step Away: Keys to Resilient Parenting. But with all that said, we're here to talk to Dr. Kate about the things, some of the things I mentioned, but also how how she's working hard to become that ultimate uh quarterback of her household, supporting her husband. Um, but more importantly, we're gonna learn more about her, her background, and how she can help us dads become better leaders of our homes without further ado. Mr. Mrs. Lund, welcome to the quarterback dad cast.

SPEAKER_02:

Casey, thank you so much for having me. This is great. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, me too. How about that intro? First take.

SPEAKER_02:

It was awesome.

SPEAKER_01:

Except for I had a couple of step-ups, but and I'm gonna blame excuse coming, everybody. We have a new puppy. I told Dr. Kate, and I'm a little sleep deprived this morning. We are in December. This episode will come out in January. But anyway, we always start each episode gratitude. So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a mom today?

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my goodness, that is just gonna come right to me because my uh son, who is at boarding school in Connecticut, was home for the past week for Thanksgiving. And so he was back here with us. Uh, his twin brother is here, and boarding school was a choice that he made. Uh, and he is this is actually the other thing I'm I'm grateful for, thriving in school out in Connecticut. Uh, he's a junior. And anyway, I'm just so I woke up this morning so, so grateful that the travel worked without a hitch, and he's been, he was here for an entire week. His plane is actually delayed. He's at CTAC right now, but that's you know, he'll be fine. Uh, but we were just so grateful. So long, long answer, but that's that's my my thing for this.

SPEAKER_01:

That's a great one. Well, I I can I share similar gratitude. We had our son home from college, uh, he's now a sophomore. And actually, this was actually kind of a fun trip. This is I think the first trip where dad didn't cry when he left, which is always a good one. But it's for for dads or moms out there, when your kid goes away or goes to college, it is not easy, I will tell you that. But um, and I I you know sometimes there's dads at home like I can't cry in front of my kid. I'm like, why not? I want my I want my kids to know how much I love them. And if they see that side of me, who more the merrier, because I think that that speaks to who we should be as humans.

SPEAKER_02:

100%. It's that authentic human connection, right? That that is so vital for for us with our kids. And so, yeah, that's I I agree with that wholeheartedly.

SPEAKER_01:

Love it. All right, well, bring me inside um the the huddle. Tell me a little bit about the the family. We you tease us with it. We got a kid out. I'm already my curiosity is already going off the charts. I got hold the hold it. But like just tell us what what um a little bit about each member of the squad and maybe how you and your spouse met.

SPEAKER_02:

Sure, absolutely. So Ted and I have been married for 28 years, if we if you can believe that. It's a little difficult to believe, but still it's true. Yep. So we we met um in Washington, DC back in the day. I had just moved there after graduating from college. I had done a um semester in DC, my senior year of college, and loved it, wasn't ready to go back to graduate school at the time, so moved to DC and lived and worked. And Ted and I met in a young professionals committee uh for actually, of all things, the Public Relations Society of America, junior, you know, young professionals committee. It's kind of what I was doing at the time. And uh yeah, one thing led to another, and the rest is history. Here we are. And um yeah, so we're we're um yeah, 28 years and our boys are 18. Uh, we got married kind of young, so we uh moved to Boston right after we got married, and we both went to graduate school and kind of got our careers off the ground and then moved again with his job, at which point uh our boys were born uh 18 years ago, which is crazy too. And um, so two boys, they're twins. Mentioned one of them is out in Connecticut at boarding school. Uh, he is a junior out there. He took an extra year when he went there because we didn't want to start as a junior uh because we felt like that would be a little intense. So then uh his twin is out here uh living with us at home in Seattle. He's a senior going through the whole college application thing, uh, which has been a bit intense. But you mentioned your son is in college, so we can talk about that as well. Um and then we have two dogs. Uh Squirt is a nine-year-old Westie, and Wally is a four-year-old Brittany Doodle. And he and I, um, this is a really exciting piece of what I do these days. Uh, are part of the animal-assisted therapy team out at Seattle Children's Hospital. And we're out there all the time visiting the patients and the families and the staff, actually. So that's us in a nutshell. We're uh we're a busy active group.

SPEAKER_01:

How did you get involved with um children's?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh, you know, I had always wanted to do um to train a therapy dog. And um I did a lot of my early training as a psychologist in Boston at uh Shriner's Hospital for Children and Massachusetts General hospitals, and there were always therapy dogs around, right? And I'm a dog lover, and I was like, wow, it would really be cool to do that, you know, at some point. And when we got Wally, he just he his temperament seemed so awesome that I started him in these classes at five months, and we worked in assisted living until he turned two, because you have to be two to be um on the team at children's. And we applied and we were tested, and here we are. It's it's it's really it's it's powerful. It's it's if I'm honest, my favorite um professional sort of thing that I'm doing right now. I absolutely love it. And I think he does too.

SPEAKER_01:

Oh, I can't even imagine the feeling of just like when you see a um, I mean, even just us having a puppy, our puppy is like almost 10 weeks. And uh, who doesn't love a puppy? It's like it brings joy to everybody's face. And so, like, as a if you know, when kids are going through sickness, they see a happy dog come up and lick them and give them a hug. It's like, and and you're the you're the spark of that. So it's like what a rewarding uh time.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it's super rewarding, and it's super, it's super nice to be honest for me because I'm I'm at the hospital, I'm not there in a clinical capacity. My job literally is WALL-E. You know, we go out in pairs to visit on the floors, and I have I have someone who you know takes care of asking in the room if it's a good time for a visit, doing the hand sanitizer, keeping the list. My job is literally wally, and it's it's yeah, it's it's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_01:

Wow. So your son says, Mom, I want to move to Connecticut, and you're like, What the hell? Like, like walk walk us through that because I'm sure there's a parent that maybe has gone through that or thinking about going through that or never has gone through that, and like just walk us through that journey.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, well, so it's interesting. So, as I mentioned, the boys are twins, right? And they're very close friends, but they're very different in terms of their learning styles, just the way they approach the world. And one of them is extremely academic, and he's the one who's still here. Um, the other one struggled a little bit early on with academics and was not at the same school that his brother was in. And I think that was always a little bit of a thing for him, even though we really, our big thing here is how do we help each child thrive within their own unique context? Because none of our kids, siblings, twins, regardless, are gonna be the same. So uh our son, who's at boarding school, ended up in this high school here in Seattle that didn't feel like a great click for him, you know, didn't feel like a great match. He wasn't thrilled with it. He was fine, but he was fine. He wasn't so he wanted to try a summer program at a boarding school out east, um, right after his freshman year at high school here in Seattle. And he went out there and he was a little anxious about it, but we were like, cool, dude, yeah, this is great. You know, give it a whirl, see what it is. And it was kind of an academic enrichment program, but really it was a summer camp. And so, anyway, he went out there, had the best time ever, came back, like literally friends from all over the world, all these chats and text groups and all this stuff. And so he came back from that program, and I said to Tad, I was like, in September that year, I was like, ooh, well, I'm glad he's going back to school here, and you know, we're not taking him to boarding school, you know, that kind of thing. Right after I said that, he came home from one of his first days of sophomore year and he was like, I think I want to try boarding school. And I was like, Really? Are you sure, dude? And so we were certainly open to it. We sat with it for about maybe 30 days because the application process was gonna have to get going right away. And he was sure at the end of that month. So it's like, absolutely, dude, we'll we'll look, you know. So I went through this whole process with him. It was kind of cool because a lot of the reps from the East Coast schools came out to Seattle to do interviews and such. So there wasn't a lot of initial travel. And he did all of the interviews online, he did all of the research. I obviously helped him with the logistics of the applications. But this was a drive that he was really pushing, and it was so cool to see. And long story short, he applied to eight, got into six, whittled it down to three. We went to visit and he chose the one he's at. And yes, a big move, but we knew sort of in our guts that this was something that he kind of needed. And I'll tell you, it's been life-changing for him. Wow, it's been amazing.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I mean, again, as a parent, selfishly, it's hard to say, well, we want him around. We want him, we want to see him every day. And but you and your husband obviously check that selfish gene that we maybe all have. And um, and I you write the story a little bit reminds me of I have a really good friend. His son plays hockey when he left in junior, junior high school. Went to why went to Boston, I mean New Hampshire, well, Idaho, then New Hampshire, now he's in Wyoming. Um, but the same thing, it's like they had it was he he was like you let him go. It's like take your dog off leash at the beach and just let him run. And so maybe how how hard was that for you and your husband? Just that that letting letting go just selfishly.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, you know, it was definitely hard. Um, but at the same time, I think the the the notion that we knew that this was something that he kind of needed because we saw what didn't feel like it was really clicking at the school where he was. And he was also, I think, underneath it all, maybe comparing himself a little bit to the opportunities that his brother was having here. Um, and you know, that's not to say better or worse, just different. And the school that his brother is in would not have been a great fit for him. And and that's okay, right? We want to find the environment where each kid is gonna thrive. And so, yeah, of course, it was really hard initially. And, you know, I was a little sad this morning when he went back, but he'll be back in 18 days for Christmas, but you know, um, but at the same time, we get these phone calls and we hear what he's doing and and we hear how, and it really also means a lot to us that he's gaining so much confidence in the classroom, like he's thriving academically.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And he's there, both of our boys are rowers, and he was on a team here, different from his brother's team, because his brother's with his school team. And again, it was it was okay, but it wasn't exceptional for him. And the environment where he is now, they're known for their rowing, and that's actually why he ultimately chose the school he's at. And to see him thriving there on that level is also really, really nice because ultimately, you know, we want him to be able to in a position to be able to maximize his potential within his own unique context, and and that feels like it's happening. And sure, we miss him, and but we also are happy and thrilled, you know, he's he connects, he's not like gone. He calls us, you know, frequently, a couple times a week. We hear, we know what's going on, he's got a wonderful advisor, and so it's kind of it's kind of like like a great, a great balance that we've we've struck, I think.

SPEAKER_01:

That's cool. Hopefully, it's inspires a family at home that these situations do happen, can happen, um, and can be create great outcomes for everybody. Um, the story also reminds me, Dr. Kate, that um you know, too often we as parents sometimes we we see what we want our kids to do, we and we we think we know what we want them to do versus just maybe size say staying curious and like help them figure out what they want to do.

SPEAKER_02:

100%. That is so vital. So, so vital because when we as parents try to model our kids after kind of our passions, our idea of what will help them reach their potential, it's not often going to be a great match, right? We wanna be able to, yes, just like you say, stay curious, understand who our kids are and what they need to flourish within their own unique context. And sometimes it takes time for that to evolve and to become clear, but it's sticking with that process, which is really important.

SPEAKER_01:

Talk to us about um life growing up for you. Um how did how did I always like to ask my guests like how did mom and dad uh the impact they had on you? And then what were maybe some of the values that you that you really took from from them through maybe a story that you've led into your your life as a mom?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, that's that's a really, really great question. So, you know, I grew up um 70s and 80s, and I'll say that there was there was this this unique piece of my growing up um in that I I had this medical condition when I was a kid, um, diagnosed at four called hydrocephalus, which um had me in and out of the hospital, um coming back to school a lot, looking different, feeling different, um not easy times. And the thing that both my parents, uh, but I think my dad in particular uh was really, really good at helping me to focus on what I could do as opposed to what I couldn't do given this particular condition. And one of the things, some of the things that I couldn't do, you know, contact sports were out. So I couldn't play ice hockey like my brother, for example. So that was it was a little disappointing. But uh my dad helped me um perhaps see that tennis could be a good option. And he was a tennis player, and I gravitated towards tennis. I loved, you know, messing around with a racket and playing around with the balls when I was really little, like five and six. And tennis really evolved to being a core piece of my identity. Um and through that, I played all the time with my dad. I played with my mom too, but my dad was really the the key key figure there. And um I did it because I loved it, and I really took that message from both my parents. Like I didn't have to win every match, I didn't have to win every tournament, even though I loved it when I got the trophy. But the reality was I didn't always get the trophy, and that was okay. And it was showing up as best I could within my context at any given moment, on and off the court. But that was that was a huge, um, a huge piece. And then um, you know, a couple other really key values, always do your best, regardless, no matter what. Um, always be honest, integrity, um, be curious about people around you as a way of connecting with them. Those are all things that I definitely took. And then one of my other favorite things, particularly, this is again my dad, because he was an avid bike rider, an avid cyclist. And um, I got really into that as well, I think, as a result of that. And after one particularly um challenging medical incident where my shunt had broken, I should have mentioned hydrocephalus is managed with something called a shunt. And so there's a little drain that's put in the ventricle of the brain, and when it breaks, it means surgery. So there's a particularly difficult um period of time around that when I was 10, and then again when I was 18. Um, but the coolest thing was when I was 18, my dad gave me this bike, and I took that bike with me to college once I recovered, and I rode that bike. I mean, I'm talking like miles and miles. I was in Ohio, miles each and every day. It was like my outlet. My and that bike got me in shape for the trip from Seattle to Denver that I did the summer after I graduated from college with a group called Cycless ending hunger. And um I I just loved

SPEAKER_01:

You biked from Seattle to Denver?

SPEAKER_02:

I did. Yep. With a group called Cyclist Cyclist Ending Hunger. Yeah, it was crazy. It was awesome. It was amazing.

SPEAKER_01:

That is that's not a short ride there, Kate. Dr. Kate.

SPEAKER_02:

It's not a short ride. It's not a short ride. But the thing is, the thing about it is, I took that message also of I didn't have to be first. I didn't have to finish each day first. In fact, I finished each day last, mostly, just because other people on the ride were, you know, a lot stronger, uh, riding-wise, but it didn't matter. I was out there riding every mile, taking it in, loving it, you know. And so those are those are the things that I took from my parents. And that was kind of where my dad came into it as well, because, you know, the bike and the the riding and the and the tennis and all that stuff. And so, yeah, that's kind of that.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm going to show my naivete. Um, I've never heard of this the hydrocephalus before. How how does a parent know to even research that? I mean, what were the symptoms that made you think, oh man, something's not right?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah, really, really difficult, right? A lot easier in present day than it was in the middle of the 1970s. Um, but you know, it was it was a difficult time and it was very hard for my parents. It was um, I was four and I had been, you know, typical active, healthy kid. And then all of a sudden I got sick, like really sick really fast. Like I would say, my forehead hurts and I would throw up. Because what it is, is it's the cerebral spinal fluid isn't circulating as it should, causing pressure to build up on the brain. So it was baffling. You know, the doctors couldn't really tell at first either because imaging technology in the mid-70s was not what it is today. So today, you'd get an MRI or you'd get, you know, a CAT scan, which is really improved, but they couldn't, they couldn't really see it back then. They had to do all sorts of invasive stuff. And so that was that was what it was, and really um a hard time. But the good news is that hydrocephalus can be managed with that thing called a shunt, which is essentially draining or or circulating the fluid for you. Bad news is the shunts break, and um, you know, it's it's it's that kind of up and down roller coaster that happened. And then um when I was 18, got a little bit difficult again because the MRI with gadolinium, the contrasting agent, had come out and I wasn't feeling very well. I was captain of my tennis team in call in um high school, wasn't playing very well, wasn't just losing some matches, I was losing all matches. And so anyway, they were like, maybe there's not, maybe, maybe we should, you know, take a look and see if the shunt's working. And it was at that point that they figured out why I had the hydrocephalus because nobody knew up until that point. So from four to 18. And that I there was a tumor that was blocking the aqueduct, which is where the fluid circulates. And so that was a very difficult and complex time for for me, but but also for my parents. My dad was um, you know, the quiet, steadfast supporter. My mom was the logistics, you know, person making sure that everything happened as it as it needed to. And so they worked as a team, which I think is is really key, and and that's where that bite came in. Um and so yeah, that's that's kind of what we're healthy today. Yes, we're healthy today. Yes, thank thank goodness, knock on wood. You know, it's it's always in the back of one's mind, but yeah, we we do our very best. Wow.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, now are mom and dad still with us.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, sadly, my dad uh died 10 years ago. He got um a very sudden, very aggressive form of uh lymphoma. And that was very, very hard. Um we were we were out there uh with the boys visiting, and we played bingo with him one night, and the next day he had this massive um mass that had developed like literally overnight on his fence. Jesus. And um he he did undergo treatment for a year, but uh it resurfaced about a year later, and he didn't, he he he died at that point. So that's it was very, very hard. Um and my mom, yes, is is still with us, and she she's robust, my mom, that one. And you know, I think a little bit um obviously lonely without my dad, but has has many friends, and then we um we did something for her back in 2016. I suggested, just suggested that that perhaps it would be a good idea if she considered getting a dog. And she was resistant, resistant, resistant. And I never push my mom to do anything, but I sort of arranged for the dog. And the boys and I were both going out there, and I was like, Mimi, we're gonna go look at these dogs. It was a it's a wired-haired dachshund named Charlie. And um she was like, Yeah, yeah, maybe, maybe. And anyway, to make a long story short, we brought the dog home. Charlie is like her baby, and I think I she she even said to me just recently, best thing you've ever done for me. And it's actually the only thing I've ever pushed her into um getting this dog. But Charlie has actually been, I mean, yeah, they're they're tight.

SPEAKER_01:

Love it. So good. Well, sorry about your your pops. I lost my dad, December 29th, 2021. So I I we have that in common. Um, my mom is still with us. I just spent Thanksgiving. Mom was in town, and mom's still a very youthful 70, what is she, 76? 70, almost 76, so 75, yeah. So still a lot of energy. That was fun. Um, so okay.

SPEAKER_02:

How did she like the puppy?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh my god, it was like freaking I mean, just loved them. And because these dogs, it's it's like a living in a house in a worldwide wrestling federation house, like where there's just constant sprinting and chasing each other. And my older one, who's only two and a half, uh, she knows how to play keepway, and she just like takes a rope and just like teases her. And so imagine like a you know, a 13-pound golden retriever, the bigger one who's like 75 pounds, her name's Harley. Harley like drags her across the floor, and it's so funny. I'm like, I'm worrying about her losing a tooth, but I'm like, their dogs are gonna figure it out, but like we have to like sometimes it gets a little rough. Well, like we our code word that thank god they both listen to is sl soft, soft, and they just like kind of like slow down their their role a bit, but it's so it's just watching dogs play is the funniest thing in the world.

SPEAKER_02:

It a hundred percent. That's awesome, and I can just imagine, right? And then how that and then how that dynamic is gonna um shift, right?

SPEAKER_01:

Oh yeah. Well, especially when they when when the younger one, her name's Janie. Once Janie gets a little bit bigger, Harley's gonna be like, wait a minute, what the hell?

SPEAKER_02:

I know. Well, what's happening here?

SPEAKER_01:

This is crazy. Why am I not getting bigger?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, a hundred percent. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, so um let's let's transition the conversation. You are so a trained psychologist. Um, you've done you've you spoke on TEDx stage, you're you've got an upcoming book coming out, but talk about the work you do um and um as a psychologist for for families and specifically dads, and and and how can they learn more about you and the work you do?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, really my focus right now is working with parents uh across domains. You know, they might come to me from corporate space, might be entrepreneurs, might be, you know, whatever the context, but for whatever reason, it seems that parents gravitate towards me, you know, dads, moms, both. And my goal is often to obviously we address the clinical issue if there is one, you know, if there's anxiety, depression, what have you, what might be going on. But really beyond that, it's how can we help folks to maximize their potential within their own unique context? How can we help them optimize their own sense of well-being so that they can show up for their kids, their families fully and in a way that they're proud of and happy with? Um, and how can we help them to do that consistently across time? And so that's what a lot of my work focuses on. It's what my book, Step Away, The Keys to Resilient Parenting focuses on. And, you know, there's not a one size fits all. So it's really about helping dads, moms to gain a sense of awareness. What do they need to flourish within their own unique context to optimize their own sense of well-being and why is that important? And embedded in that is always discussion and focus on how we can help dads, moms connect fully in an authentic human way with their kids and reinforcing the importance of that. So that's that's really the work in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_01:

Tell me what drove you to this work.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, you know, I think largely I became a psychologist as a result of my own early experiences and wanting to really understand this idea of, you know, how can we help people move through challenge and that sort of thing? And then obviously that all solidified when I went to graduate school. I started working in um uh hospitals in Boston. I did all of my training at different hospitals in Boston, many of which were focused on pediatric care. So I worked with a lot of parents who were facing the major illness or physical disability or injury to their child. And working with parents in that kind of a space, and then thinking about my own parents in that kind of a space, really is what solidified the whole focus on resilience and helping parents really to move through and beyond some of these challenges that come up. And then obviously, the challenges can come from so many different directions. We moved a lot with my husband's job, so my career sort of morphed and evolved and ebbed and flowed a little bit, um, largely also because I wanted to be present and available as much as possible for our own boys when they were young. Um, but that's kind of, I think, captures why helping parents to maximize within their own unique context is such an important space for me and a space that I believe is so important and really where I enjoy working.

SPEAKER_00:

Intention, integrity, IT recruitment. We are McCann Partners, and I am Megan McCann, the CEO and founder. McCann Partners is a Chicago-based IT recruitment firm. We support a growing portfolio of innovative organizations from Chicago-based startups to companies with a global footprint. We are dedicated to creating a more equitable and diverse workforce and are proud that more than 70% of our talent placements since 2020 have been diverse hires. We take pride in our work and invest time to hone our skills. Case in point, our work with Casey. Casey helped me and my team learn new habits of success and unlock the skills we already have been using. The superpowers of humility, vulnerability, and curiosity. If you, the listener, are curious about our experience with Casey and his impact on the team and our business, please reach out to me via LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_01:

With obviously with protecting confidentiality of anybody you might have worked with, but can you give an example? Um, if there's a dad or mom listening that might be like, well, what what what what types of type like challenges? Like, can you give it maybe an example of an area that you have helped a family or a dad that they might be really intriguing? Like, hey, I got to get in touch, Dr. Kate.

SPEAKER_02:

Sure, sure, sure. Absolutely. Well, so one example comes to mind. Uh, there was this dad I worked with who came in just really beaten down, really felt like he had lost himself within the context of uh parenting, trying to balance full career with parenting responsibilities. His wife was also balancing a full career parenting responsibilities. So there was sort of a disconnect between them, but there was a disconnect between this dad and himself, you know, and he really wanted to regain that sense of self that he had lost while being able to show up fully for his kids because he felt like he had lost that too, right? He was just, I would, I would, I would venture to say, kind of on the border of a true clinical depression. Um, so really helped him to create space, take that step back to understand first what was happening and where the issues were, and then how did what was happening look different than what his ultimate vision for himself was, right? And what did he need to go from point A to point B? And another cool thing was this dad had been heavily into a specific sport, um, was competing at quite a high level back in the day, prior to kids and family and life. I didn't think it was possible to get back into it, but really wanted to as we started to uncover things, right? And so first thing we did was we helped this dad to manage his stress response, to create an even space where he was gonna show up each day. Because when we're starting the day here and a challenge hits, and boom, we escalate to the point of shutdown, we're not gonna be showing up for ourselves, we're not gonna be showing up for our kids, our family. So we needed to modulate that stress response. And this is a key principle that I teach, I would venture to say, virtually every single person I work with. Um, I teach a technique called the relaxation response, which was developed. Uh, the relaxation response, which was developed by a physician in Boston in the 1970s, um, before this kind of a thing was, you know, widely known and accepted. But he stuck with it and researched heavily and researched the positive impacts for medical patients at first, but then people across the spectrum, across domains of what could be happening. So super simple technique. You come up with a word or a phrase that you find soothing in some way, and you breathe. And I have folks practice for like five minutes in the morning, five minutes in the evening. So they're bookending the day, starts to integrate what it feels like to be in that level space. So that was the first thing.

SPEAKER_01:

Can I, real quick on that? Can I so is that something you say out loud or just in your head?

SPEAKER_02:

The word in your head.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. And do you do that when you're triggered, like you're feeling your stress, like, oh God, here it comes. I don't like the side of me.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, absolutely. So cool thing about this technique. So I have folks practice five minutes in the morning, five minutes at night. So that's kind of like bookending the day. So those are practice times. So that's helping you to integrate what this even feeling is like. But also really effective carrying it around in your back pocket to use it, yes, when you're going into a difficult conversation, when you feel yourself escalating, when you know there's going to be a stressor or there was just a stressor, or your kid comes home and they say they unfortunately, you know, backed into a tree, or something along those lines. And you can really modulate in the moment using this technique. Super effective on the sidelines of sports games as well, when perhaps you feel yourself getting a little bit too ramped up. Um, you know, that kind of a thing. So it's super effective across domains.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

And really was an important thing to help this particular dad to integrate so that he was showing up a bit more level and could then take a little bit of a step back, you know, in conjunction with discussion with me, but also on his own to sort of understand wow, what do I need? And what are the small steps I can take to get to where I want to go? So, you know, slowly but surely got back into training for this particular sport. Um, made sure that there was consistent social connection happening. Um, made sure that time was carved out for connecting with his kids in sort of an authentic human way. Can happen at family dinner, can happen on the way to sports practice, can happen, you know, all of that. Super important. Then we integrated this technique called the daily wins exercise. Again, super simple, but super important because what we do with that is at the end of each day, we jot down three to five things that went well on the day during the day, as opposed to just being mired in the would have, could have, should've, all the stuff that didn't go well, you know. Um, so that was really, really helpful in shifting the lens at least back to neutral, and then over time into a bit more of a positive domain, so that this dad could see the possibilities ahead of him despite the challenge of feeling so bogged down and disconnected. And so step by step really helped to rebuild in that way. And it was so awesome because over time he got fully back into his sport and started competing again at a high level, different from what it was like in his 20s, but still happening, right? And so that was a huge, huge win and really helped him to regain his sense of self, start to optimize his own sense of well-being, which then fostered connection with his family, his kids, helped him show up in a different way, both for himself and for those around him. So I love that story because it's powerful in a sense, but it's also representative of what's possible when you slow down a bit, engage in these exercises related to self awareness and shifting your lens and what can what can happen with that?

SPEAKER_01:

Love it. Well, I I perked up uh and I and I hope that dads, if you're listening, you did the same thing. If you're not, I would encourage you to rewind, get out a piece of paper with a pen, like I just did, take some notes, um, because. The 3 close to 30 dads Dr. Kate I've interviewed, when I always ask him, Hey, what's what's one area of your dad game that you wish you could get better? That you just you know it's not where you want to be. And one of the number one answers is patience. Guilty as charged. My dad, God rest in peace, pops, super impatient. But I I swear, just interviewing so many dads, talking about my patience, working as a you know, as a competitive person, that's like the trigger. And so like I have to just like slow down and be like, okay, when those when I feel that side of me coming out, I'm like, dude, I don't like I don't like it, but it just happens. And I even like I found it happen at Thanksgiving this recently, where I'm like, you know, I'm I'm I'm envisioning all the things that could go wrong versus just be present in the moment. But the fact that I've actually done but I talk about it, it helped me get out of it. Versus just shutting down and like you know, all of a sudden I'm waiting to just explode.

SPEAKER_02:

100%. And and these tools, like the relaxation response, can help you in those moments to level off. And it gives you that space to take that step back, create perspective on hmm, okay, I'm in this space, but I don't want to be here. I don't like this side of myself. I don't want to show up this way. And so yeah, that's kind of exactly what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_01:

Love it.

SPEAKER_02:

Now, for the daily wins exercise, do you have like a journal you like to use or do you sell or um so I I don't I don't sell a journal or anything like that, but you know, folks, I I suggest that they they do keep it in something like a journal so that they can keep track and look back because you know how it gets when you just kind of jot something down on a piece of paper and then you throw that paper on your desk. And then so it's really helpful for it to be in a journal, uh a notepad that's sizable, so that you can keep track over time because human nature takes us to that negative space, you know, like uh yeah, it's not possible, never works out. And if you see that, oh wait, three weeks ago on a Tuesday, all these cool things happened, really powerful.

SPEAKER_01:

Right. Yeah, it's actually my wife uses a journal called it's called like one a day, I think, where she literally it's you write down it's 365 days where you write down, but but it has like imagine like a journal with like five different um blocks, like almost like an Excel spreadsheet. You know, you have A, B, C, and D Wall. A is 2025, January, you know, every day. And then B would be 2026. And so you can look back a year ago when you come to that date because it says like, you know, December 1st, 2024. It's like, oh, on December 25th, it shows you exactly what you did. And so it like um I think it's a way to reflect and have I even got goosebumps and I just said it because my wife it like fills her tank and I I just do journaling different, I do journaling in the morning. Excellent around just gratitude and yeah, sometimes it's the same thing, but it still keeps me happy.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, absolutely, and that's a great point because first of all, the gratitude thing is super important, and that's another thing that helping dads, parents, families to participate in sort of a gratitude exercise at dinner or during a meal or at some point during the day, super powerful. But but you make a really good point though, because there's no one size fits all, right? In terms of how journaling can unfold or how, you know, and perhaps your gratitude journaling in the mornings uncovers things that went well yesterday, you know, who knows? Or who knows? But it it's a great point that there's no one size fits all in any of this, really. And that's why that self-reflection, that self-awareness piece and building on that is so important.

SPEAKER_01:

What talk about before we before we say goodbye to each other, to talk about um your book and what maybe describe what was the one or two reasons you you you wrote it, and then the secondary question would be who is it for?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, gotcha. So I wrote the book because in my work with parents, I was seeing so much stress, so much burnout. And then the Surgeon General about a year ago put out this advisory that parents are at a breaking point as we speak. You know, the the stress, the the angst that's within this particular group is is is intense and only getting more intense. So it's like, hmm, maybe it's time to write this book that I've been thinking about for a while, right? So step away, the keys to resilient parenting. It's really about stepping away to optimize your well-being within your own unique context so that you can step in more robustly, so that you can show up the way you want to, so that you can be that present, available dad or mom, you know, that you're proud of and that helps to foster these same traits and attributes in your kids, right? So you're modeling along the way. And so that's basically the overview of the book. You know, we talk a lot about the relaxation response and modulating your stress response. And then many of the other things that we've we've covered in our conversation are embedded in the book. And it's really for parents, I would say between, you know, 35 and 50, but younger parents, younger parents, older parents. The book focuses on the younger kid experience, but I do bring it full circle with the discussion of you know my boys and kind of what it's been like as they've hit adolescence on the brink of college and all that stuff. Um, so yeah, that's the book in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_01:

And where can they find it?

SPEAKER_02:

Yes, they can find it on Amazon, they can find it on my website, which is www.katelundspeaks.com. And it's available um really to be ordered through any bookstore.

SPEAKER_01:

Love it. We'll make sure that's linked uh in the show notes. Um and in the podcast, it's this episode goes out in January. So the podcast we'll say is live now, which is the resilient resilient parenting podcast with Dr. Kate. And that can, I'm assuming we can get that on Spotify, Apple, all the platforms.

SPEAKER_02:

100%, yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, we'll make sure that's linked as well. Um, as we summarize our conversation today, Dr. Kate, tell me what would be or tell us, what would be like two or three things that a dad, maybe a mom listen to, could could take away from our episode of become that ultimate quarterback or leader of their other household.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, so great question. So it would be uh know what you need to optimize your own sense of well-being, know what your children need for you know to optimize their own sense of well-being, and always stay focused on the possibilities on the other side of challenge for both yourself and your kids.

SPEAKER_01:

Love it. Dropping wisdom. Dr. Kate, it's now time to go on what I call a lightning round. This is where I show you the negative hits of taking too many hits in college, not bomb hits, but football hits. And your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can. My job is to try to get a gig about it. Zero prep. This is just gonna show you the random sense that you write out.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay. True or false, you are the only psychologist in Washington to win Wimbledon 12 times in a row.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh false.

SPEAKER_01:

Have you defended Wimbledon?

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, I have. I have.

SPEAKER_01:

Have you played on clay before?

SPEAKER_03:

I have, yeah. I love clay.

SPEAKER_01:

You've been messing around.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

Favorite tennis player of all time is uh Yvonne Lendell. I remember that. I remember Yvonne Lendle as a kid.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh yes.

SPEAKER_01:

I remember that as a kid growing up. Um if I was to come to your house for dinner tonight, tell me what we'd have.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh my goodness, we would have a taco bowl with all of the delicious fixings: rice, steak, guac, pico, cheese, sour cream.

SPEAKER_01:

What time should I be though?

SPEAKER_02:

Uh 6:30.

SPEAKER_01:

Um, if you were to go on vacation right now, just you and the hubby, sorry kids, you're staying home. Tell me where you're going.

SPEAKER_02:

We are going, oh my goodness, so many places that we could go, but we're going to Hawaii. We're going to Oahu.

SPEAKER_01:

Nice. Sounds fantastic. Specifically at a cold December day here uh in Seattle. Um, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.

SPEAKER_03:

Hmm. Let's see.

SPEAKER_02:

Hmm. I think I would it would be possibility, it would be possibility and beyond.

SPEAKER_01:

Possibility and beyond. Okay. Now, Dr. Kate, this book uh it's it's crushing step away. It's crushing one relationship, not the deal. Like it's crushing every book. And so now Netflix and Hulu and and all these big, big uh movie production facilities, folks, are are they fighting to make a movie? And so now they they are. Um we're gonna give it to Netflix. And so you they they've asked you to become the casting director, and I need to know who's gonna start Kate Lund, this critically acclaimed hit new movie.

SPEAKER_03:

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I would say it's going to be this woman named Sarah Rafferty. I don't know if you've heard of her, but she was actually a classmate of mine, and she's actually in this really cool show right now, and I think she would do do a great job with my character.

SPEAKER_01:

Shout out to Sarah Rafferty. Okay, and then the the last question I usually ask dads is tell me two words that would describe your wife, but I'm gonna do something different there. I'm gonna say what what is what are two words that that can that dads can use to help build that resiliency and in them and to slow down.

SPEAKER_03:

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02:

So they are going to be breathe and think.

SPEAKER_01:

Love it. Breathe and think. Dads, let's slow down. I aired myself out today. I said that I'm I'm just as guilty as everybody else that gets that that bad side that comes out, and you don't mean it to come out, but like but Dr. Kate has tools. Um, and she shared these ones that you know, daily wins exercise, and then the stress management, the relaxation response, five minutes in the morning, five minutes night. I took notes. I'm gonna try this stuff. And I would encourage you to do the same. I'd encourage you to follow Dr. Kate's work, get her book, listen to her podcast. There's gonna be stories for days of dads and moms just like us that don't have it all figured out, everybody. There's not a there's not a manual that says this is the perfect way to do it because we're flawed humans. We all have that in common, but we can lean on the vulnerability and the authenticity of this journey we're all on. I think we all can help each other be better versions of ourselves. Dr. Kate, you're you're one of the six women that have that joined us on the quarterback dad cast. I'm grateful that you did. I I'm so I'm so happy we did this. I got a ton out of this conversation. I know other dads will as well. I'm wishing you the best in 2026. Um, any last parting thoughts for us before we let you go?

SPEAKER_02:

Well, thank you. I I really appreciate it, Casey, for you having me. This is this is great. I'm I'm really feeling grateful to be to be among the six women who have been on this show.

SPEAKER_01:

Love it. Well, shout out to Megan McCann, because if Megan McCann doesn't introduce us, this episode doesn't even happen. So I'm wishing you all the best and uh have a fantastic 2026, and I know our paths will hopefully cross uh again in the future.

SPEAKER_02:

Amazing. Sounds great.