Confessions of a Surf Lady | The First Women's Surfing Podcast™

44. Localism & Unsolicited Surf Advice: Navigating an Evolving Surf Culture and Growing Lineup

• Danyelle Carpenter • Season 5 • Episode 44

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Improving your surf skills is no easy feat and learning from others is critical part of the process, but when does unsolicited surf advice cross the boundary from helpful to condescending? And are newer surfers listening to advice that concerns safety in the lineup? OR are they brushing off tips and claiming the advice from experienced surfers as ugly localism?

In this episode, we'll talk about the importance of communication in an evolving surf culture and growing lineup and how we can maintain and encourage community and camaraderie when crowded lineups lead to frustration. 

We'll also hear your confessions to this episode's prompt "What's the most memorable piece of unsolicited surf advice you've ever received."

Join me, Laura Day and Surf Société Member Danyelle Carpenter for a critical conversation balanced with laughter and fun surf sister stories.

Main Themes:
The Good and Ugly Sides of Localism: "I think the differences between, between that good local and that ugly local is are you focused on getting yours or are you focused on community?" — Danyelle Carpenter

Generational Knowledge and Respect: "How do we get more access to that generational knowledge? How do we give more access to that generational knowledge, especially with, like, the lineup becoming so much more crowded and it's less of a conversation of numbers of people out there, because you can't stop that. And how unfair is it for you to be like, well, I started way earlier than you, so you shouldn't be here." — Laura Day

The Responsibility of a Surf Coach: "I volunteer and I teach people, new surfers, and, when I'm pushing them in, when I'm choosing a spot for this to sit, we're picking those spots that's our responsibility. To keep them safe, to make sure that it is a fun time."— Danyelle Carpenter

Resources:

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Danyelle Carpenter:

Then when you talk about like localism, they're horrible, disgusting aspects of localism. localism says that you don't belong. But like there are these positive things when you talk about being a local, which is you care about your surf break, you care about the people in the surf break, you care about keeping it clean, you want to protect it, you want to keep your community safe. And I think the differences between that good local and that ugly local is are you focused on getting yours? Or are you focused on community oriented thing? And I really think that is going to be a challenge as we have more people keeping that community feeling because it used to be that you would know like everybody that served a break and now maybe you don't, but maybe we should start acting like we do know them and just introduce yourself say hi.

Laura Day:

Hey, lady, welcome to Confessions of a circulating a podcast by the surf society. For so long women have been misrepresented by the surf industry, only highlighting a narrow and exclusive version of a who asserts lady can be. But you and I both know that there's so much more to women surfing than that. This, this podcast right here is a place to tell our story, how we want to tell it. At Confessions of a surf lady, you'll meet everyday surf ladies doing amazing things in their local communities, as well as pros, World Champs, big wave riders and badass living legends from women's surf history, all sharing their stoke on this blossoming Global Women's surf culture. What's even more special though is that you Yes, you will get a chance to participate in the conversation by leaving me your confessions. I'm your host, Laura day. Think of me as your new favorite surf sister connecting you to your beautiful Global Women's surf community, helping you boost your competence before you head out for your next surf and even dropping a few surf tips from the surf society along the way. If you want to stay connected with me, find me on Instagram that's at Confessions of a surf lady. kind of use that like my personal account. And then go ahead and follow at surf society. That's s your FSOC i e te. There you'll find a handful of free resources to help you through your surfing journey. All right, lady. Thanks again for joining me here at Confessions of a surf lady where we're cultivating a global woman surf culture through thoughtful conversation. Let's get to our episode Yeah. Welcome to Confessions of a surf lady.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Oh, thank you for having me.

Laura Day:

Thank you Danielle for being a longtime listener. Yeah, yeah, I remember when I ordered Sam Babel rose goods from you tell us about Babel rose let's tell everyone rose please

Danyelle Carpenter:

well I just say from the other end when you ordered something from me I like had a small like oh my gosh freakout moment it was like Lauren day

Laura Day:

and look at you now. know you're on the podcast. Everyone,

Danyelle Carpenter:

Gary bevel Rose is like my little side hustle. I've got prints. And I've got bags that are like canned, printed, handmade. I've got like zipper bags and tote bags and like tote bags with pockets and clothes. And what else do I have? I don't know anymore. I maybe I have too many products. Maybe that's beautiful. Thank you. They're all like surfy themed and just stuff about boat surfing. That kind of cute.

Laura Day:

I love it. I didn't get give you a chance to introduce yourself though. I feel like we just ran straight into this. Or we got too excited telling pretending like everyone knew who we were. Yeah, we

Danyelle Carpenter:

were like five minutes early. So excited to chat. Oh,

Laura Day:

really? Oh, yeah.

Danyelle Carpenter:

There's other people. Oh, yeah.

Laura Day:

People are supposed to listen to this.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Well, I'm Danielle carpenter. Last name is Mater and been surfing for 15 years now. I think I've figured out okay. I live in Santa Cruz, California. Yeah, I'm stoked to be here. You're a

Laura Day:

beloved member of the surf society. Yes.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah. I feel what a founding member?

Laura Day:

Yes. You're a founding member. Yeah. You've been there since the Gidget lunch. That was a good trip.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Kathy. She's amazing.

Laura Day:

We did a trip to Malibu to have lunch with Kathy kohner. Zuckerman and she is the woman who was the inspiration for the book gadget if you guys don't know that you should read more into her and also read that book. But we got a chance to meet her in Malibu, we got to do book signing with her. Danielle comes with a first edition copy of Gidget. I am so jealous. Because the nights before I've been like scatter like the week so far been like scouring the internet for a first edition copy of gadget. And they're all like $400

Danyelle Carpenter:

and I just found it on eBay for I think like $40 Like, like, I wasn't gonna pay. I wasn't gonna pay a lot for it. But I was like, if I can make this happen, and then I did

Laura Day:

you made it happen. Yeah. And then Cassie was like, Oh, wow, this is a first edition.

Danyelle Carpenter:

She like showed it to the other people at the restaurant that she knew. I was like, Oh, who knew? Yeah.

Laura Day:

And then she was like, you could sell this and you're like, I'm not selling it.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Why would I sell it? Get it signed it and the inscription on it is the funniest.

Laura Day:

What is it? Oh, yeah, good luck with your with your

Danyelle Carpenter:

thing was there just like it has something about the water. So she's on the water. Water skiing? Yeah. So

Laura Day:

back in gadgets day, people signed her yearbook. Good luck with your waterskiing. And this is what she signed Danielle's first edition copy with mindset. Stay. Bichon, I think that's pretty good.

Danyelle Carpenter:

That's amazing. Yeah. Vision is such a great term.

Laura Day:

I think we ever get back.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah. Let's bring it back. It's Bichon. It's

Laura Day:

Bichon? Bichon, it's been. So what's our topic for today, Danielle?

Danyelle Carpenter:

We're talking about advice. How to give it when to get it, how to take it. How to respond. No, I don't know. This isn't prescriptive.

Laura Day:

I like that though. I like that. Actually. This was your idea. You wanted to ask? What is the most memorable unsolicited surf advice you have ever received?

Danyelle Carpenter:

Oh, yeah.

Laura Day:

What was your inspiration behind that? Sounds like you've got unsolicited surf advice that you'd like to share?

Danyelle Carpenter:

I actually have two stories for us today. Kay stories is and this is sort of like a bad story. But I promise it will be hilarious and a good story.

Laura Day:

expectation. At first, I

Danyelle Carpenter:

was like, I'll start with a good story because the bad story is funnier. But that I think I think I want to end on the good. No. Okay.

Laura Day:

Can I be the judge after you tell it and be like, No, you should have you should have flopped them. Yeah,

Danyelle Carpenter:

I mean, and we'll feel free to edit it out.

Laura Day:

This episode has been edited for

Danyelle Carpenter:

events. So yes, this story is the inspiration for this episode to this it had to have been five years ago or something. So it's like before serve society. And before you know I was really plugged in as well as I feel like I am now with like other people's servers and stuff. I have a spot in Santa Cruz. I like to go it's very well known little beginner spot. There's this guy there and like he's a good surfer him he's definitely better than me. And like, great. Go on. But you know, I feel like sometimes when you're approaching like surfing, like some days, like you're not trying to get better. I know surfing happens over like a few weeks. I feel like a few sessions where I like he'll like say stuff to me where he'll be like, Oh, even I couldn't catch that wave if I didn't angle my board. And was

Laura Day:

he holding a pipe and a brandy?

Danyelle Carpenter:

Maybe I'm turning him into a villain. He's not really a villain. Like he's just a dude. And like, I really feel like he probably came from like a good place. But it's like, don't so so like a good place you came from Go back, go back. Yeah, okay, whatever. And then there was like, another time I was paddling for a wave. And he goes, Oh, like you might be able to catch it if you paddle hard. And I'm like, who asked? Also like, I was a division one swimmer. And I caught that wave dammit. Alright, settle down. So yeah, so there's just like these little moments like that where I was like, okay, and like I was annoyed, but I didn't say anything because like, I don't really feel like being that person most of the time in the lineup. And then the moment came was actually outside in the neighborhood where we all park for getting to this spot culmination. Yeah. And I was putting my board on top of my car, like I've done for a decade. the way that my husband taught me to do it because he taught me to surf. And he taught me all the little stuff about it, who was taught by his dad who served in Newport and the wedge and all the stuff flow, it's like, it's been passed down this knowledge passage. So he comes running across the street to me, like, are ready, just like bring in some energy to me. And it was one of those moments where I felt very proud of myself because I took a deep breath, because I could feel something was gonna get weird. And I was like, I'm gonna be ready for this. So he comes over, and he's like, you're putting your board on your car wrong. And I'm like, instead of addressing that, I just went, you know what? You've been saying a lot of things to me in the lineup. And I don't want your advice. Oh, yeah, you would have thought that I hit this man, like the way he like staggered backwards, and like did not know how to respond. And so then he goes into this explanation of why I should have my fin on the front of my car, instead of or how I had it, where it was on the back of the car. Now I've learned after telling the story to sorry, to other servers, people have big feelings about which way aces are on the car. Because we're, when we went to Baja, what was the first thing that Manny had us do?

Laura Day:

Take the fins off, take the fins off. So like,

Danyelle Carpenter:

it doesn't matter. Like, it's the straps that keep it odd? Because he's like, Yeah, you know, when you're on the freeway, the air will lifted, and then the the thing will get trapped underneath the thing, and it'll hold it on. And I'm like, I don't think that's a thing. Yeah, he kept insisting and he's like, this is a safety issue. So eventually, he did walk off. And I was like, like, and I was proud of myself to just be like, calm and just be like, No, we're not even going to address like, what you think the problem is, we're going to address what I think the problem is. Which is you giving me advice that I did not ask for. And I have been thinking about this since you brought up this topic. And there's like, interesting when when I relate it to the next story that I'm going to tell. Because I feel like like sometimes it's hard, because there should be advice passed on. Like I was talking about how like, my husband taught me his dad taught him. And like a lot of knowledge in surfing has been at least, you know, traditionally pass that way. Right love, like the surface society and other things like that, where it is trying to uncouple it from like, kind of this generational knowledge and kind of disperse it to everybody. But it's like, how do you reach people who aren't plugged in? And like, I think there can be opportunities to talk to people, it comes down to how do you do that. And the thing that I thought about was, like I've mentioned I was a division one swimmer, like, I knew all my coaches names, and then you might name this man never introduce himself. He never said hi, I'm whoever and what's your name? He never got to know me or my goals or what I wanted to do. And so the advice always felt like it was coming from a place of like, you like kind of condescending, and like, again, like I want to go back to like, I don't want to make this person like the villain. I mean, he is for the I mean

Laura Day:

for comedic? Yeah, like,

Danyelle Carpenter:

we need a visual. Yeah, we need a visual like, for the story. Yeah, like in my story he is but like, I know, people who have had great interactions with this person, and I have really appreciated him helping them in the lineup, but like, the way that he approached me and like, did this with me, like, it just didn't make me feel like he thought of me as a person that had knowledge and instead just was like a dumbed down that he needed to instruct on the finer points of attaching your board to your like, you know,

Laura Day:

like Mr. I do the shake test where I put my hands on the rails and I do a little shake. I do a little shake and there's no give then I know I've done my my Girl Scout knots, right. Just like that. Are you? Wait, oh wait, are you the type that just lets the tail of the strap or like tuck it into your

Danyelle Carpenter:

back or I don't want to hear that. Ah,

Laura Day:

yeah, see, I'm the one that like wraps it around the thing and nice little neat not that it makes you be like the person for that because then whenever I'm chopping boards on my car and friends are involved, they're like Laurie, you do it you do it and I'm like, damn it.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah, see, do things well and you'll have to do more things right.

Laura Day:

Burdened burden with the gift of greatness. I am

Danyelle Carpenter:

So the other story is, again, like unsolicited advice. But this was done in a good way. And I like to like him, like, kind of struggling to figure out why it was a good, but like we can discuss. So this was actually in October, when Joanne was in town and you all came into town for women ways, and means away, I decided, well, we should serve Capitola. Before the current test, we

Laura Day:

serve real quick for some context. We had a serve society get together, we rented a house up to the Santa Cruz, Joanne was one of our members. And Danielle, were competing in the women in waves competition. So before the competition, you guys were going out to surf the break and kind of get situated.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah. And this was one of those moments where like, I read the report, the report said the giant swell that we were gonna get Thursday. And I was like, Okay, we gotta get out here Wednesday afternoon. Well, it came early. But I didn't believe it. When I saw it. I was like, No, no way. Like, it says Thursday. So. So we got we check one spot. And both me and Julian does is it like this all the time? Like, no. So we drive down the Capitol, we, we park, we're looking at it. And we're like, we think this is doable, like this is gonna be like this is gonna be at our limit. But you know what, we think that we can do this. And so we like how to plan we got it together. And we started walking to like this entry point. That is like the most typical entry point, there's a couple other places that you can enter this break. But this is like the one that I would traditionally use. And as we're walking in, and we're going like, Huh, interesting. As we're walking in, there's other this gentleman's coming out. And he goes, Hey, like, you guys can do whatever you want. But like, I have been getting in around on the other side, getting it out there and then taking away and then getting out and walking around and goes, it's been working really well. I can walk you through doing that entry. If you think that would be what you want to do. I like in options, right? Yeah. Like it was the approach of like, hey, like, this is working for me. So we follow him around. And he goes, Hey, like, I'm gonna wait till after this set comes through, and then we have to haul ass. And so we do, like we time it with him. And it's probably something that we could have done on our own, and we probably would have been fine, we probably would have been fine if we did it the other way. But you know what, it was really nice that he made it a lot easier. He showed us this other way you gave us just the amount of support that we needed of like, we were a little bit nervous. We knew we were like, kind of like, we were probably fine. We were probably fine. But like we were stretching it. And then of course, like joy is also also a former competitive swimmer. So we get out we like get past like the first wave. And then we're both just like leave him in the dust and we get back out the back. And he's like, Oh, you guys are like, fast. Like, he's like, I don't know that you needed me. And it's like, no, no, this was great. This is great. I really appreciate it. And like he introduced himself when we chatted, and then after we got out like we saw him and thanked him and like, but there was just more of that feeling of like camaraderie of like, if that we together we're trying to solve the problem of it being bigger than usual. And like it was more like, I wouldn't say like us against Mother Nature, but like us trying to interact together with Mother Nature in the best way possible. And I just like appreciated it and like I said, it's like, it's so nuanced in that. Like, I do think it's so important to think about how we approach people when we're giving advice, especially like that they didn't ask for because sometimes you just want to serve badly.

Laura Day:

And no one to notice that you're serving

Danyelle Carpenter:

me right now. I have some shit. I need to get off my chest and it just is gonna be a session. Okay? It's just

Laura Day:

gonna be that. The difference too is like the second guy. He gave you legitimate advice for a legitimate concern that everyone that day surfing would have had. The other guy was giving you advice for shit. That didn't matter.

Danyelle Carpenter:

You know it? Yeah, actually, I hadn't even thought of that. Yeah, absolutely correct. He was solving a real problem. Yeah, like it being six foot. Yeah, the other guy was like, half and his point is that direction I don't think it should be

Laura Day:

Yeah, that's where it totally feels like petty, and more, I need to exhibit that I have more knowledge than you do. I really liked the point, though, that you brought up about generational knowledge. And a lot of people that get into surfing don't have access to that generational knowledge. Obviously, like one of the inspirations for surf society, it's like, I didn't grow up in surfing, like, how do I get to learn all these things? Oh, yeah, that would have been that were passed down. And I've been thinking a lot about that more now. Like, how do we get more access to that generational knowledge? How do we give more access to that generational knowledge, especially with like the lineup becoming so much more crowded? And in it's less of a conversation of numbers of people out there? Because you can't stop that? And how unfair is it for you to be like, Well, I started way earlier than you shouldn't be here. You know what I mean? Like, they're all seeking the same happiness and connection to nature. But how do you give access to that knowledge? And also, how do you make people in that position, expect to respect and receive like you said, how do you give it how do you take it?

Danyelle Carpenter:

I think it's this is an ongoing conversation that I think as like a surf community we're having to address because, you know, like, I have a tendency to roll my eyes like old timers be like back in my day and like, and it's like, well, it's not people aren't going to stop surfing. And honestly, I don't think that we should want them to like, there's more people that care about surfing means that places will get protected, that when you talk about like localism, they're horrible, disgusting aspects of localism. localism says that you don't belong. But like, there are these positive things when you talk about being a local, which is you care about your surf break, you care about the people in the surf break, you care about keeping it clean, you want to protect it, you want to keep your community safe. And I think the differences between that good local and that ugly, local is are you focused on getting yours or are you focused on community oriented thing? And I really think that is going to be a challenge as we have more people keeping that community feeling because it used to be that you would know like everybody that served a break and now maybe you don't, but maybe we should start acting like we do know them and just introduce ourselves say hi, Alec, this is advice for me since I'm the worst at that I just like my hands in my armpits. I'm so cool.

Laura Day:

I'm like anti social surfer. But I really like how you were very intentional about the word localism and didn't attribute positive things about being a local to the word localism. I think that happens when people are like localism is good because XYZ but localism also has so much negative ish attached to it that I don't think it can be reclaimed as there's a reason why it's good. Like no bad behavior is bad, exclusive behaviors bad and historically, that's what localism is, we're talking more caring for the community, caring for the people and the respect for the break versus being exclusive. Yeah,

Danyelle Carpenter:

and I think the thing is, is like we I think we you talked about with Manny like being a good tourist. And I think as you can be, those behaviors are the same. Being a good tourist is very similar to being a good local, again, comes back to that community care that care for the break is as opposed to like, using violence to prevent people you don't think belong there from being there, which is, we're not worrying. We don't do that no more like

Laura Day:

you think like, as people that are newer surfers, because when we both, I probably started surfing like 1214 12 years ago. So back then I don't know what it was like in Santa Cruz, but out here, like really wasn't that crowded. I didn't have any lessons other than lessons with friends because it wasn't as risky. there just weren't as many people out either that or I don't remember getting in anyone's way. Fine sections to yourself and like do your thing as a beginner. Whereas now like you kind of can't know

Danyelle Carpenter:

I've been a menace before fully. Yeah, I mean, if you want another storytime, I accidentally hit a girl who was standing and I like tried to avoid her and turn and instead I like turn too hard, and fell off my board. And it wasn't here actually. It was in Malibu, ironically enough, and she didn't duck. She just stood there and stared at me the whole time. So like, it was on me, but like, she did not help. And I split her I arrive. I still. Yeah, I still feel bad. She was like beginner server there with her boyfriend. And I was like, I'm sorry. It definitely feels like there are more people now. So I'm sure like for the new people, it's, it's gonna be tough for them. And I think like, that means that people would experience need to have a little bit of grace. Because we can control our board. And when they drop in on you, and it really is annoying, so long as it's not like, not like they're trying to do it. Like they're intentionally trying to do it. Like, just a little bit of like, okay, I can turn or I can like, make the most of this and like, and then depending, like, maybe just be like, hey, kind of ruin someone's wave when you drop in. Most of them can be dangerous if, like, if the other person can't control their board like that circles back to like our advice of like, how do you talk to people about it? It's so situational,

Laura Day:

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Danyelle Carpenter:

out of the shower, you

Laura Day:

know, gosh, you know, so yeah, I ruined my summer and she just stomped out of the water, like just left was super sad. But you know, that wasn't a moment I was trying to attack her I was trying to be like, You need to look like it regardless if it's me or anyone else. So obviously, for people that are newer, it's really good to be open to that advice. And it's hard to put that into practice when you are learning. But also, I think that comes with knowing how to read the brake and what's going on and choosing the appropriate location for your level. So yeah, in that kind of messes me off with some surf instructors, where they'll take people that they're pushing straight into where I mean, at least here you got your points. But here like where the wave is actually breaking right or left, and they're pushing people straight in that area. And I'm like, There's a hole, you just go 50 yards that way all it does is break whitewash, like, Why are you out over there? You know, like, that totally eliminates a lot of dangers that you're putting these guys in.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah, but that you know, and then that at that point, like that is the instructor. Yeah, making poor decisions. Like whenever, like, I get so annoyed when I see an instructor just push or like the surf dad pushing their kid or their, you know, the person they're coaching in front of another person. And it's like, hey, like, you're just setting everybody up for a bad time. Like,

Laura Day:

hey, you're not teaching your kids, there's actually an etiquette that happens out there.

Danyelle Carpenter:

You know, and if you're the coach, like you're the one that's responsible, and like, you know, I volunteer, and I teach people like new surfers, and like, when I'm pushing them in when I'm choosing a spot for this to sit. I mean, it's like as another because I'm not there. But like when we're picking those spots, and we're trying to push people in like, that's our responsibility is our responsibility to keep them safe to make sure that it is a fun time. And some of that has to do with like, making sure that we're in a spot where other surfers aren't going to be like, gunning for us. And yeah, it's like that balance though of like taking up space and also just being like, tough. Yeah,

Laura Day:

yeah. So the other day there was a way that like last week, it was so funny because like the forecasts look like shit It was like, the bad tide. One of my friends here, Vanessa. Like, she'll just be like you want to serve? And sometimes it's like, you know, I've got like, things that I don't want to do. And I'm just like, Yeah, let's go to

Danyelle Carpenter:

God bless friends, like, just being like a want to serve, it's gonna suck.

Laura Day:

I was like telling her I was like, my toxic trait is that every time you asked me, if I want to surf, I just say yes. And I don't even like it. I'm just like, okay, no. And we're like, oh, we're like walking out. We're like, looks like shit. Did you check the tide? No, did you check the tide? No, whatever. Let's get in. So we get in and actually like, it starts getting really good. Like, it starts picking up and the waves are, are a little bit big. And there's a little bit of wind on it, but it's okay. But there was a wave I took that was like, my bet would have been my best wave of the day, I was just in the spot on the shoulder, big wave. And I drop into it. And right in front of me are two guys that are just cooking it out, like looking directly at me, where I don't have enough time to go down the line. So then I had to go straight. So I was like, so bummed out. I was like, man, I've been waiting for this wave. And I'm pretty good about confronting people if needed in the lineup. But I don't know lately, too. I've just been like, I don't really feel like it all the time. And I also am like, what looks like that guys with that dilation of that guy said anything like is it really my responsibility? Point. And I was just also so upset about the way that I like, didn't want to, like verbally change that moon and just be like, Yeah, did you know? I mean, every once in a while I'll do it. But it's tough. You can't fight every battle?

Danyelle Carpenter:

No, exactly. It would be exhausting. But I think like what you commented on of like you realizing you are too emotionally invested in the midst, too, be able to calmly talk to this person about the way their behavior has affected you. Like, legitimately, I think that's important. If they're like, I've made the conscious like choice that like, if I'm actually like, really mad, I shouldn't say anything, because I'm just going to be a bit. And that won't be constructive. Because if you come and you're angry, and you yell at somebody, the first thing they're going to do is be defensive. And they're going to now feel as though that they are correct. Because you were mean when you said it, and so they're not going to hear the advice. They're just going to hear your anger, and they're gonna like fight you on it. Whereas if you can, like, calm down, and you can be like, hey, like, has anybody ever told you that you should? Like, look down the line? Like, I don't know, I've actually discussed this with my friends. And like, sometimes they're like, that would be kind of a dick way to say it to you like, okay, but like, you know, just trying to be calm and just being like and saying like, hey, you know, you dropped in on me. And that is frustrating. Could you look, it's nice. If you look around. The other thing that you know, is we're so injured. It's so funny that like, the better you get at surfing, the more you realize all the bad things that you did when you were starting out and why they were obnoxious. Because when you're a beginner, like, you're not going down the line, you're going straight. So somebody else being on your wave, it's no big deal, right? Like, you're just like, Yeah, it's fine. It's great, pretty way. And then like you get better. And you're like, Oh yeah, you're right. I don't want some deals with you, you know, but you won't know until you know, yeah,

Laura Day:

and then that goes back to being a good local. And this is kind of the episode that I did with Barra to where she almost got hit by that guy. And she said something about it. Yeah. But it's also like, at some point, you're responsible for regulating your environment as well. And I will say I do hold space for myself to express anger. Well, I am very selective anger, for example, a couple of weeks ago, or maybe a month ago now this paddle border like basically almost ran into me. And so you know, that was like because he wasn't paying attention because he was angry that somebody dropped in all this stupid stuff. But that warranted like I was like I'm gonna come out of the water and I'm yelling at this guy. And these are I don't know if people like see it like that but like usually when I will always when I express anger like that I choose I'm like, I'm going to sound angry because this was a it was a situation of danger. But I think then you know that goes back to like feeling shame of saying something even if you're not doing it angrily stressed about it. But then also, sometimes you can feel like there might be judgment from people outside of the situation. The same commentary I had with Farah was like, but I'm regulating your lineup. I'm saying Something to the guy that did something unsafe. So hopefully we'll second think it when it comes to happening to you. It's super nuanced. Yeah, it's, it's

Danyelle Carpenter:

so nuanced. There's no like, black and white in this. It's like, because this is like, at the end of the day, like, you were like, Oh, this is surfing, it's relational. Everything that we're talking about is relational is relational to you, its relation to the board, its relation to the water, like, it's like, there's all these three things circling around that we're like, relating to and like our community, I was thinking about what you're talking about, and like, sometimes you expressing anger, and I, like 100%. Like, I will never tell you to not be mad, because that's bullshit. But I guess like, what I was specifically thinking of is the way that I want to talk to a beginner, a learner, versus the way that I want to talk to someone who should know better, yeah, who did it anyway, in that case, like, anger can be warranted because they should have known better. But like, I do think we can kind of tell the difference between the two and language about nuance, but like, you know, for the beginner, like, I don't want to scare them off, either. I don't want this to be like a bad experience or a bad day for them. So like, that's where I'm like, I gotta, I gotta try and be more gentle. But yeah, but definitely, sometimes it warrants it like I, I didn't like outright yell at this guy. But it was a foil border, and he dropped in behind me.

Laura Day:

And he was on a foil. He was on a foil.

Danyelle Carpenter:

And behind me on a wave, but like I was turning back at the time towards the peak. Yeah. And he was there and so that I turned, and then he fell and shot his board out. And then I watched him drop in front of somebody else. And he came over at one point and was like, hey, like, I'm sorry, I got too close to you on that last wave. And I was like, Yeah, you know, I just saw you do the same thing to this other person. So like, my mom always said, Don't be sorry, be different. And I feel like that applies here. Like for him. Like he knew he did something bad. But he kept doing it. And it's like, well, at that point, like, now you're gonna get yelled at next time. You know, maybe you didn't know the first day now you've told me that you know? And so now you will get

Laura Day:

yelled at. I like that. Chances

Danyelle Carpenter:

are usually let me get like one or two chances and then then know that I dropped in you.

Laura Day:

Do sometimes imagine this. What if you felt empowered to establish your place in intimidating lineups? What if you developed the mental toughness to serve new locations and challenging conditions? So you could serve more often catch more waves and have more fun in every session? What if you had the knowledge and the physical skill to catch and ride more wave so you could practice maneuvers like cross stepping nose riding, trimming, carving, and ultimately become a better surfer on the wave? Last but not least, what if you had a sisterhood of friendships with women all over the world who support your growth in the lineup, women who are passionate about the sport and the lifestyle and know how to have fun, but also bring quality conversation to the table that help you push your surf skills and celebrate your wins. All of this is a part of being a member at the surf society, which is my women's online community that was really inspired by this podcast. So if you love this podcast, you are going to love the surf society. Join us for your first week free by hitting the link at the top of the show notes because I would love to see you there so we had up in the call for confessions memorable piece of unsolicited serve advice you've ever received. One thing that is really cute actually, and it kind of speaks to your story. Your stories excuse me, obviously put it up there. There's a little cynicism to it. Like what Dick had told you what thing but people kind of take it both ways. Some of it was really good unsolicited advice that was taken with care and some of it was more like your first guy story but the guy with the pipe in the brandy being pretentious. We'll go through some of these I do really like this one.

Danyelle Carpenter:

I really love that they took it like everybody and I love the way that you framed the question so that you didn't only get the first story that we like we're basing this off of and like got the difference.

Laura Day:

I'm gonna say that was in pen should not, but I think I'm just I'm a cynical asshole. And I just.

Danyelle Carpenter:

And then you have all these pure of heart listeners that just are like, I had this great experience. Oh, okay. Yeah, I

Laura Day:

was like, Wow, I'm awful. Depends on the day. So the most memorable piece of unsolicited surf advice you've ever received? Someone took off on a wave and went right. I said to a guy on my right that we should have gone left, he told me that that was his way to decide what he wanted to do. This made me aware that I don't need to be hungry to take as many rides as I can, that I should be patient and accept that my turn will come. Yeah, sometimes you gotta get schooled out there a little bit.

Danyelle Carpenter:

So this is like the great thing about like, being out with the servers because like with other servers is because like, for all like the like weird bad interactions you have, then you have like these like gems, where you're just like, there is older guy telling me about like him surfing and like the good old days like, but like in a very sweet way. And he's like, Yeah, you'd be amazed, like, I'd be out here. And there's no one here. And I'm like, that's nice. Like, that's great. And he wasn't better about it. It was so sweet of him just being like, he goes, I love how many people are here now. And everybody loves it. And I'm like, you rock man. That's

Laura Day:

awesome. Yeah, I like that. You have to embrace the changing of the time. I definitely get like a little bit annoyed when they're like, Oh, good. Old days are gone. And I'm like, I think there was like an inertia post or something. I'm like, sure. Let's talk about when you were 20 pounds less heavy, and your joints didn't hurt. And of course, those are the gold old good old days. It doesn't matter how many servers are in the water. Anything 20 years ago is gonna be good old days.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah, say 20 years ago, I was 18 things. Good Day

Laura Day:

is a whole different podcast.

Danyelle Carpenter:

But yeah, it's the lament for the time. I feel like a lot of nostalgia is like a woman for a time that didn't exist. And like, childhood was great, because I had no clue what was going on. And it's like, you know, my 20s are great, because I had less of a clue what was going on. And like the now you you remember, you see everything and then in the past, you're like, so nice, but part

Laura Day:

of our, like, evolution of our brains is not to hold on to all the bad shit.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah, we kind of have to forget. It's just this also just like, I feel like all progress is going to have like these double edged swords, like people talk about social media and like how bad it is, and like, totally, their bad days about social media. But I also think about the wonderful things like I've met you, you know, the search society I have connection with, you know, other women who serve and like, so I think like all of these things, like, it's back to nuance what you know, like, there's gonna be there's gonna be both with it. Anyways, more confessions. Yeah,

Laura Day:

more. More confessions. What's the most memorable piece of unsolicited surf advice you've received? An older man who frequently serves the same breaks as me always has unsolicited advice every single time I serve with him. And it's always awful advice. When memorable time we were at a point break and he kept telling me to paddle for these small crap waves coming through breaking onto the rocks. He tells me to sit closer to suck rock, which is what they're called a huge rock that the wave breaks over which sticks out well out of the water. The takeoff spot is next to this rock, not in front of it, where he's telling me to go. I tell him to take his own advice and paddle for the crap that he's showing you the next thing we know, old mate norm. I love that He has a name if getting washed over sharp shallow rocks after eating shit on the way he told me to catch. And there's a large set approaching which rolled him on the rocks some more. Sort of looks done himself a proper mischief with some insane bruises and holes in his way. I haven't seen him at the point since then. It's been about a year since that he's still dishes unsolicited advice to me on the beach breaks.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Oh my gosh. And

Laura Day:

ash from from South Australia.

Danyelle Carpenter:

That's amazing. Good job. Why don't you do it then? Right here with me. Why? show me show me. Show me how to pull the little girl I don't know how to do surfing.

Laura Day:

Is this waterskiing?

Danyelle Carpenter:

Good old norm. That was so funny. Kids like legit trying to just like, kill off other surfers so that he has a break to himself.

Laura Day:

I'm just impressed that he went for it.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yeah, right, like, so then did he know it was bad, but I was wondering.

Laura Day:

I was like, does he just think he's gonna prove a point like Sue? Or was he like, oh shit.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Gotta do it put my money where my mouth oops, put my board where my mouth is

Laura Day:

what's the most memorable piece of unsolicited advice you've ever received?

Danyelle Carpenter:

This wasn't exactly advice, but it was one of the most memorable exchanges I've had in the water. A few years back midweek mid morning, I was at our local beach break no one else out at all. It was small and a bit messy from the wind direction. I didn't feel slightly odd about being the only one but it was mild conditions. After a while the wind died the swell picked up into real beauties. I was now stoked to have it all myself. Around. 20 minutes later, a guy paddled out head straight for me. He has a broad German accent. I am not going to do the German accent. I would try if I wasn't being recorded. Now you must share job. But it's okay. Now it's also 5050 for the shirt. Laughing emojis made my morning and 5050 for the shirts became a household saying. Yeah, I say I shouldn't I should have tried to commit. I think I could do a German accent. There. Yeah, do it. Now you must share a job. But it's okay. Now also 5050 for shirts. It's not good. It's not.

Laura Day:

I'm not gonna say I could do better. So that's it. You did great. That was great. We got a couple also on the Instagram account when I posted this. So let's pull one more from there. And then let's move on to our second or fun question. Oh, I like this one. So our way is the most memorable. Unsolicited surf advice you've ever received a

Danyelle Carpenter:

random man on a boogie board came up to me and told me to bend my knees more. Little did he know I was coming back from a major injury and literally could barely bend my back leg. I paddled away as he said, I'll be watching

Unknown:

creeper vibes.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Do men understand how they sound? I'll be watching. That is super creepy. I don't like that. I don't like that either. And I think this goes back to what we were talking about earlier of like, you don't know where somebody's at. She's just coming back from an injury. Like, maybe the first thing you ask is like, Hey, what's your name? Like what's going on with you? Like, I don't know shoot the shit admitted it might come up like, you know, like a specifically like an injury of that or like that. It's impacting your surfing it might come up but like, ya know, like, how,

Laura Day:

like, can you start like that? Like, Hey, can

Danyelle Carpenter:

I notice like, can I give you a tip? I mean, yeah, you could ask you to ask if somebody wants advice. First

Laura Day:

advice I've ever given. So my friend Lucas, this lives in Australia are no no, sorry. New Zealand when I lived in Australia, I met him in New Zealand. So we serve some New Zealand right? Yeah, I'd like click on Facebook and like see his pictures and stuff. And then I texted him. I was like, Yo, Lucas, can I give you a tip? And of course he's like, Yeah, whatever. And I'm like, You need to drop that back knee. It's pointing out too far. Like for me? Like okay, okay, no, two months later. Oh my God, Lord. Totally did my turn. Oh, yeah. Hello. That's why I gave you the advice in the first place but most satisfying thing because I like it was crickets for a while and then I shouldn't have his thing. So right

Danyelle Carpenter:

now, you knew his name. Yes. And you asked honestly, if we just gotta start with Do you know their name? I followed the ways.

Laura Day:

So funny. Or fun question was choose to have three and justify by your answer.

Danyelle Carpenter:

I'm remembering answering this question now. I think your

Laura Day:

options warmwater empty lineup, or Epic's. Well,

Danyelle Carpenter:

I think I did and I think I'll stand by this I think I did warm water and empty lineup justified. Well, I can't actually handle an ethics well being surfpoint says epic I'm on the beach. I also feel like sometimes like I just had one. I'm always cold. And I am in the wild. Well, not the true wild north. But all right, cool North here where you know, I'm in a four, three year round. So anytime you can get more water like that is like,

Laura Day:

Cool. That's great. And then for you to still have a really difficult time convincing me to move up there

Danyelle Carpenter:

I'm gonna keep working on it. What will warming eventually, eventually

Laura Day:

I'll make my way. Something great.

Danyelle Carpenter:

And then empty lineup how often? Or do we get way to waste for ourselves? So even if they're like, mediocre ways, waves I feel like I can have a great time. If I'm not getting having to like dodge other people and stuff like that. Because the thing is, is that if I went with the epics, well, if it was a definition other than like, like best conditions for me will say is the is definitely my way with that, then I probably need to give up the warm water because sometimes like fitness, like the best conditions like and you're like pushing yourself like it's actually the hardest time to have like a crowd out because then it's like you're trying to like, like that mix. Talking about the mix. Sometimes with my friends. It's like, oh, the mix has kind of shifted, there was a lot of people but they all knew what they were doing. But now the mix has shifted. And now there's a lot of people who don't know what they're doing. And then like you're like, oh, there's too many people offer how like big the waves are or like,

Laura Day:

exactly like that's the whole unpredictability of the experience. Like I told you that day that mean Vanessa went out were like, looks like shit. Did you check the report? No, I did it. But then wait, like going out there. It was kind of all the things that you would not like it was windy. It was choppy. It was like windswell going on. And then it was crowded and like that's right when we got there. I think enough people were like booked booths, and they left and then you got the open window of me. It was so windy, but then the wave shape was a lot better for that. 20 minutes. You don't always know when you're gonna get that. I mean,

Danyelle Carpenter:

you don't always know. So you better go.

Laura Day:

Yeah, you better go. Again. That happened to me on what Friday? We I went out and it was small. Oh my god and worse bring suit. Yeah.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Oh, yeah. Yeah, just rubbing it in. I was wearing booties on Saturday or Sunday. Well,

Laura Day:

the main reason I was bringing suit was because my full suit I was like this nasty, right?

Danyelle Carpenter:

I had freezing but I don't

Laura Day:

speak right. Like this is gross. I had served like the night or two before or something. And so like, I didn't have like, hanging out for the day. You know, it was just like, gross. So I was like, fuck this. I'm gonna wear a spring suit my friends. Like you're fucking crazy. I'm like, it'll be fine. It was great. Anyway, it was still like, almost non existent as far as waves until at some point it was to 20 minutes. And little baby waves coming up. No babies.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Anyways, all day. If it's warm out, I'll just I'll just serve baby words all day. Like I don't need epic conditions. I can't handle up a condition

Laura Day:

now that I think

Danyelle Carpenter:

I don't know. We'll see. I

Laura Day:

mean my I want to gravitate towards warm water and empty lineup. Like I really want to gravitate to that. Because I always want to gravitate towards warm water. Then you brought that combination of epic, swollen empty lineup. And I'm like I could do that. I could do that.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Put on your five or your hood and your booty. Gloves.

Laura Day:

Let's see with some other people have to say so choose two of the three and justify your answer. warmwater empty lineup or Epic's? Well, this is from Carmella from Seal Beach. She says warm water makes me feel more relaxed and more connected to the ocean. Yes, yes. Totally. Empty lineup. No Man, No men to mansplain how to serve or judge me. Yes,

Danyelle Carpenter:

I think me and her are going on a trip together right now that we want the same thing. Oh, and I would say like empty lineup like friends don't count.

Laura Day:

Okay, fair enough. Yeah.

Danyelle Carpenter:

So your friends can be there, because you can drop in on this.

Laura Day:

It's so funny. Vanessa, I always tell her I'm like, you just drop in on me because I'm on a longboard. Right. So just inside on the short board, yeah. So I'm like, you can just drop it on me. But she'll be like, are you going left? Are you going left? And like, I'll be like, Yeah, going left. But one time we were at San Oh, and she's like, I want to drop in on you. Because like, she was just not able to catch them. Like before longboarders can catch them. I was like, Okay, I'll go out there and just drop in on me when I like come into the like closer to you. And so I'm like, getting on this way. And she's like, about to drop in. And she's like, where are we going? She's on my right side. I'm like, we're going right we're going right? And so she gets on this wave and we start going right? Someone drops in on her and she's like can we just totally turn it was really funny. I laugh so much.

Danyelle Carpenter:

That's why other people aren't allowed but your friends can be there. Yeah, does Yeah, it wasn't her it was the guy

Laura Day:

right? They count as empty lineup. Yes. So what do we got here? Empty lineup. Here we go. I'll just take a friend or two. It's Sharky as hell here safety numbers that I can be. I can be a wave, pig. And Epic's Well, which for me is head high left handers peeling for days.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Oh, I like I liked that they defined it. I do love

Laura Day:

warm water as norm demonstrated a wetsuit provides a layer of protection against sunburn.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Yes. No misery appeared.

Laura Day:

I know good old norm. Oh.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Like I've been to Costa Rica, Sri Lanka and Mexico where I've been able to like trunk it like just like in a swimsuit. And there is like this moment where you're like, oh, no, it's just my skin. Just my beautiful skin. I didn't realize how much I depended upon that new brain to like, be like, Oh, whatever. Just watch me over the rocks. No.

Laura Day:

Right? And then

Danyelle Carpenter:

you're like, oh, okay, well, I guess the wetsuit is good for something other than keeping you warm. True.

Laura Day:

I agree. Except I get a really nice like wetsuit tan. So yeah, here's another one for more modern MD lineup, a moment in tropical paradise with time to seek out the right way position well without the possibility of someone dropping in and then be able to glide in the pocket for a long time. This is dreamy, and memorable, mellow moment of uninterrupted flow state. This is

Danyelle Carpenter:

like you know, like what put like you put it on before you go to sleep. And so then you just have dreams about surfing beautiful waves and a gorgeous place in the empty lineup. One of the girls that I've met actually surfing at cowls. Like met her in the lineup. And we're both introverts. So it took us like five years to like, actually be like friends, we just would smile and stuff. But she's an endo. I'm gonna not be able to say this mental wise.

Laura Day:

We all know, we all know what you're saying. Okay, yeah, right, you know,

Danyelle Carpenter:

oh my gosh, it's gorgeous. She's just like, on these like, perfect waves. And it's just, I'm like, that looks so nice. Other than the like, 20 hours that it took me. Anyways, warm water,

Laura Day:

warm water. When? Further when? Yes. Well, thank you for inspiring us to have this conversation about unsolicited surf advice. Like yeah, everyone that contributed. There were other really good ones and other like sweet ones that were less cynical than I am. So I liked it. It was fun. It was fine. Any

Danyelle Carpenter:

excuse to chat. I love it. I really love the community that you're building. I mean, we talked about I mean, that was sort of the crux of like, a lot of the conversation was about community and I think like, you're in it doing it, so we just need to figure out how to like, keep doing it. Yeah. Well, thanks for being a part of it. Yeah, remember?

Laura Day:

Yeah, really delivering like the essence of what the serve society is. I mean, that's something that I'm like, super grateful for, since we started out just being kind of a smaller group of women, but the ties that we've made with each other, the personalities that have come in I've just been so supportive and stoked for everyone and you guys defined what serve society is so Oh, yes.

Danyelle Carpenter:

You set the tone. You attract what you are. There you go. Cynical bitch button. Do you know what you know what I'm only You're cynical bitch, so long as I'm having a good time doing it. I

Laura Day:

like it. There you go. It's all about nuances. I think I posted something on Instagram the other day where I was like, I need people to know that I'm not contradicting myself. I'm a nuanced individual. Yes.

Danyelle Carpenter:

Well, I mean, we're a bag of contradictions, you know, within all of the parts that we're doing, but you know, it's just trying to be as the I was gonna say, as consistent as possible, but I was a fan in that. Keep them guessing.

Laura Day:

I'm guessing. In London, I met