62. Reconnecting to Yourself: Surfing, Aging, and Feminine Intuition

What if reconnecting with your feminine intuition could change the way you surf—and the way you live? What if aging, something that is so often feared, was seen as an opportunity to gather wisdom, redefine beauty, and deepen your connection to yourself and the ocean?

This week, I’m stoked to welcome back Leah Donatiello—empowerment mentor, Surf Société Surf Guide, and founder of Reconnect Retreats. You might remember Leah from her episode, Debunking Diet Culture, or as a Nutrition Surf Guide in The Surf Société, where she taught us how to fuel our sessions and stay energized in the lineup. Now, through her Reconnect program, Leah’s helping women tap into their intuition, embrace change, and live more aligned, fulfilling lives.

In this episode of Confessions of a Surf Lady: The First Women’s Surfing Podcast™, Leah and I dissect the power of reconnecting—to yourself, to surfing, and to the unique beauty of aging. We explore how surfing mirrors self-discovery, why redefining beauty is so important, and how to find joy in your evolution as a woman.

If you’ve ever felt unsettled in life, stuck in your surf progress, or resistant to enjoying the process of aging, this conversation will remind you why every stage of life as a woman is worth celebrating.

Main Themes:
Surfing as a Teacher:
“The ocean is a mirror—everything you feel, fear, or strive for will show up in the lineup.” – Leah Donatiello

Intuition and Self-Discovery:
“Your intuition isn’t here to make you comfortable; it’s here to tell you the truth.” – Leah Donatiello

Community and Growth:
"It’s been really amazing to marry my love for surfing with helping women find themselves again. It feels like such a privilege to create spaces where women can feel supported, not just in their surfing but in their personal growth." – Leah Donatiello

Resources:
Reconnect Retreats: Join Leah’s transformative surf and yoga retreats for women ready to reconnect to themselves and the ocean. Learn More Here.

Connect with Leah: Follow Leah on Instagram at @leah.donatiello for updates on her retreats and empowerment mentorship.

The Surf Société: Be part of our global community of surf sisters, offering workshops, mentorship, and stoke! Follow @surfsociete.

Transcript

Leah Donatiello: 0:00

Go without expectations, go thinking you might not catch any waves, and then you'll have a great session. And, like, just because you have a good surf one day doesn't mean you're gonna have a good surf the next day. And when you're doing any sort of self development or, like, you know, spiritual work or anything, I think it's the same thing. Like, just because you had one really good meditation or you had one really good day doesn't mean the rest are going to be like that. And that's not to say you're failing or you're doing anything wrong. It's just that's how it is. Like life moves like tides, you know, like it moves like water and healing, and is not just linear. And so I think taking in this beginner mindset from surfing and applying it to just everything else, I just think makes like, we get this like happy curiosity and like excitement, like you said, like I'm excited to age. I'm excited for this. I'm looking forward to the process, right?

Laura Day: 0:49

Hey lady, welcome to Confessions of a surf lady, a podcast by the surf society. For so long, women have been misrepresented by the surf industry, only highlighting a narrow and exclusive version of a who a surf lady can be. But you and I both know that there is so much more to women surfing than that. This, this podcast right here, is a place to tell our story how we want to tell it, at Confessions of a surf lady, you'll meet everyday surf ladies doing amazing things in their local communities, as well as pros, World Champs, big wave riders and bad ass, living legends from women's surf history, all sharing their stoke on this blossoming Global Women's surf culture. What's even more special, though, is that you Yes, you will get a chance to participate in the conversation by leaving me your confessions. I'm your host, Laura Day. Think of me as your new favorite surf sister, connecting you to your beautiful Global Women's surf community, helping you boost your confidence before you head out for your next surf, and even dropping a few surf tips from the surf society along the way. If you want to stay connected with me, find me on Instagram that's at Confessions of a surf lady, kind of use that like my personal account, and then go ahead and follow at surf society. That's s, u, r, F, S O, C, i, e, t, e, there you'll find a handful of free resources to help you through your surfing journey. Alright? Lady, thanks again for joining me here at Confessions of a surf lady, where we're cultivating a global women's surf culture through thoughtful conversation. Let's get to our episode. Yeah.

Unknown: 2:34

Hi, Leah, hi.

Laura Day: 2:36

Thank you for coming back and joining us on Confessions of a surf lady, it's been a while. Thanks for having me. Since you were last on the show, you were sharing with us about nutrition, and you had, like, a nutrition program that you were working with for women who served, but you've evolved since then, which I love, I love, I love it, you know, because we've known each other for a couple years now, and, like, it's cool to see each other evolve. And you've evolved since then into kind of a different program, and something that I feel like I've heard you say, feels a lot more aligned with you. So let's start off and talk about

Leah Donatiello: 3:08

that. Yeah, so even when I was running the nutrition program, I remember talking to you and being like, but I don't know if this is it, and you're like, well, and you had all these like, different ideas, and you, you even told me, you said, what if your whole brand was reconnect? And I was like, no, like, I just went straight to like, No, I can't. But what actually ended up happening was me just embracing what I actually like doing and what I actually was spending most of my time with my clients, on which was, yes, I was a nutritionist. I was helping people, you know, improve their digestion or their energy, and often surfers. And we always connected over that, which was really nice, but what we were really connecting on was their why. And it's like, why do you want to change your diet? Why do you want to feel better? Why do you want to lose weight, or all of those things. And what I really liked about the nutrition program was it gave me a tool to help empower women. And then I realized that I wanted to do more than nutrition, and I wanted to dive into more aspects, you know, like, how did you get these eating patterns, and why do you feel like you use food in this way and all this. And I felt like, oh, that's just not all people that's outside my scope of practice, or, I don't know, a lot of like, just stuff, I think I made up, you know, like, just, oh, that's not for me or but I always felt this pull for more this. And then I just stepped into it pretty organically by working with clients who were like, oh, you know, nutrition is part of what I want to work on, but it's also these habits and and then it just evolved into what it is now. And I just called it reconnect, because that's what I called my retreats. And it just were, it just fits. And I'm like, why would I have called it anything else? So

Laura Day: 4:57

it's so great. So would you consider yourself before you would have been. Like a nutritionist, but more now it's like life coaching, like helping women, like, reconnect. What it is that,

Leah Donatiello: 5:07

yeah, so I call myself an empowerment mentor, which even that I was like empowerment to me, sounds like somebody screaming, like, You go, girl and just like, encouraging, like hype person, which like, Yes, I am, I guess, but not really, like, I'm not that. Like, that's not really my style, but empowerment in the sense of, like, it sounds maybe a little corny, but like helping women or people step into their fullness, their power. Like, what else is there? What more is there? Why they're, like, really embodying their why, and, yeah, like it's life coaching is also, I guess, what you could call it. And it always ends up turning into something more like spiritual coaching, or you can't really get into these topics without addressing, like, the deeper essence of who you are, and then that we end up in in the realm of spirituality, and I think, like, how can you not when you're working at that level of like, who you are, your essence, your core. I am an empowerment mentor. I guess that's amazing.

Laura Day: 6:12

Who are typically the people that you work with? What do they like come to you for? What are they looking for? Just so if anyone's listening and they can identify with it. They'll know you're someone you can they can reach out to, yeah, yeah,

Leah Donatiello: 6:24

yeah. So I would say sometimes it happens people want an accountability buddy, basically, like, they want someone to help them stay accountable to their habits and give them a little bit of guidance. And then again, it turns into like, Well, why do you want this? And why did you not do it, and what's holding you back? So it's really like working through the all of the barriers that people are coming up against with their own personal goals. That could be one like entry point. Another entry point could be someone who is just ready for more like, they want more connection. They want to feel more like themselves. They want to live a life that feels like their own, or that feels like feels like them. And I think that we over time, you know you could be a people pleaser. You could be someone who really lives, has lived to serve others, as a caretaker, as a mother, as just somebody who wants to like, keep the peace. You could be somebody who has followed like, society's checklist of, like, find a relationship, get married, get a job, have kids, or whatever, like, the order is, but it ends up not being your own. You could be someone who's gone through a lot and has basically just, like, numbed out in order to survive, and now you're like, Whoa. This is my like, that was me. That was how I found a lot of these practices. Was coming, like, back online, finding myself again, really like, it sounds like, oh, people just say that, but it's true. Like over time, through methods of just like getting through hardship or trauma or whatever life has thrown at you, we have these coping mechanisms, and then one day we wake up and we don't feel like ourselves and like life doesn't feel that good or bad. You know, it's like, you're kind of just flat lined, and you're like, why don't I really feel anything about anything? And then you have to, like, slowly dig up those pieces. So I had a client tell me, I don't really think I'm a spiritual person, and she just didn't feel it. And so just introducing, like, what that is, it could be, this could be like, somebody's kind of initiation into reconnecting with themselves, into reconnecting with, you know, like a lot of people, also, I think, steer away from religion, and they don't want this, like, book they have to read and rules they have to follow, but they want to understand and like, just feel this connection to to the world around them, to nature, to to each other. So I hope that answers your question. Like, really could be so many things. There's not a big criteria. It's just you have to just want it really, like you have to just want something more,

Laura Day: 8:55

something deeper. What are the ways that you work with people?

Leah Donatiello: 8:59

So I do private coaching, so virtual coaching through zoom and I do over a few months. Usually, I don't usually do just like, a one time session. I mean, it's possible, but really like, and you have to come more than once like, so usually I work with over I could do like I've done two months and longer. I think three is like, kind of a minimum. And also through my retreats. And through my retreats, actually, how I got the confidence to really be like this is what I want to do, because I started hosting retreats here in lovitos Peru. And part of this, I mean, as I'm sure we'll get into, like, surfing was a huge part of this initiation for me. So I started talking about that in my retreats, doing reflection sessions, teaching yoga through kind of that whole thing. And I was like, wow, this is just feels really right. And that was after that, I think was when me and you talked, and I was like, yeah, there's something here. And yeah, it feels very much more aligned. And it's actually very funny that you. The word aligned, because I use that word a lot in my program, and it's like, find living in alignment. And it's like living in alignment with yourself, with your core values, and in finding that, you know, you find yourself, yeah, private coaching as of right now and retreats. How

Laura Day: 10:14

would you say that living in alignment like creating that space to find that alignment and Gino just is in the interest of we're all surfers. How would you say like that? Partly it changes the way that you surf and changes your relationship with surfing. Have you seen that change like in any of your clients or in yourself? For me, surfing

Leah Donatiello: 10:36

was like, what opened this reconnect space? How it changed is that over time, I realized that surfing is not just like something you go and do and then you just that's just it, and you just do it, and then it's like, now I know I'm a surfer, and I can just go back to it whenever I want. Over the years, surfing has has helped me gain access to my subconscious. And those themes that I started with, like 10 years ago, almost now, are things that I am now still going deeper into and through other not just through surfing, but surfing will pull them out, and then I have worked with them over the years, and then they come back around, like one recently just came up, and I was like, Oh, wow. This is still a thing for me, because it shows up in other areas of my life. And another way that it's changed my relationship with surfing is making me as I get more connected, I realize the relationship piece and aspect with the ocean and how nature is not just like nature is over there and I am over here and this is inanimate, and I am not. It's like, oh, like, I am part of this. And the best surfs I've had are the ones where I feel comfortable and in relationship with the ocean, and there's like, this give and take, and it's not just like a fight. So it's a whole new way of experiencing surfing, I think, and being able to talk about it, because before I knew that there was something kind of different and special about it, but I'm like, oh, surely everyone knows this, like everyone's feeling this, and maybe not. It's

Laura Day: 12:09

interesting. You and I, we always, like, identify with we get along really well. We have, like, very similar values and stuff. But that experience over time, the relationship with surfing. It continues to develop and open and open it like, I always think of it as like a piece of origami that's been folded 1000 times, and you're unfolding it, and it's, or not even, 1000 times, infinite amount of time you're unfolding it, and it's never going to end, like you're trying to get to the bottom of this paper, and it's never going to happen. But that's something that's so fun and special about it. There's so much to it. And even in, you know, I've been surfing for like, 12 years and and the last couple years, owning the surf society, that's, like, really opened my world to all these other aspects of surfing, taking, kind of that tool of self learning and thinking I'm on the wave, like, what does my body feel like? Visualization was a tool. Obviously we use a lot in surf society too, and kind of using that back and forth has, like, blown up my relationship with surfing completely. It's so different now than, of course, there's like, maneuvers I want to learn, of course, there's things I want to do, but it's not that, like, again, like you said, I know a lot of people would say like, oh, it's the connection with the ocean. We say that. But do we feel that like when we're there on the board? And that's something lately I've through watching a lot of surf films that I'm like, Man, these people, there's so much soul in so many of the really great surf films I see. There's so much soul and the movement of the surfer against the water, and that energy exchange is like, so pleasant to watch, right? Because now us watching someone surf so amazingly, gives us an idea of what the ocean is doing because of the way they're moving. And I've, I've been really inspired by like, How can I enter the water? Have my goals? Have these things I want to work on, but really, just like, feel, feel the water. And we had is key Britain, who was on the surf society months ago, and she talks about, how many people actually go into the water and just, just like, feel the energy of the water, like, that's it. That's quite in all simple forms. That's what we should be there for but it's different me saying it now today than maybe two years ago, right? Maybe that's like, a form of reconnection and, like, really developing that bond further.

Leah Donatiello: 14:31

Yeah, absolutely. It's one thing to, like, say it and know it, and one thing to embody it yourself. And it takes time. Like, if it is a relationship that takes time, and it's just going to get deeper, hopefully over time. And it's something that's like, I don't want to say earned, but it's like, it's nourished, nourished. Yeah,

Laura Day: 14:50

I think you bring up the essence of time is, like, really important, and people putting in that time and having that patience, and US removing ourselves from this, like you. Instant gratification situation, maybe even like what society thinks surfing is and that we need to portray what that is. I mean, I know a lot of people that are like, Oh, every time I see my footage, I just like, hate it. I like, cringe. And I'm like, Oh, you're judging yourself so hard, you know, like, I get it, like, there's beautiful footage out there. But when you have the perspective of, like, these people, some of these people surfed, like, there's whole lives, and they're at the best point break, and all the conditions are so perfect for this beautiful artwork. And I feel like people are really hard on themselves with their surf progress. Well, I

Leah Donatiello: 15:34

also think that you it does feel so great. Like, when you're on it, you're like, wow. And then you look at the footage, and you get you, you're like, oh. And it's that disconnect from what it feels like to what it looks like. And then that's where that discri But if you didn't look at the footage, and you might have just had, like, been sat more satisfied sometimes,

Laura Day: 15:52

right? Like you're just ripping in your mind, that's or like, but it

Leah Donatiello: 15:56

just feels so good, like it's just about the feeling. And then you look at it and it's like, oh yeah, I do have a weird stance, and I look like I'm going slow. I totally had time to kind of do a cut back. And it's like, but did you enjoy it? Like, were you having fun? Like, also considering those things? Yeah.

Laura Day: 16:12

So what inspired this conversation was you and I, I don't even know we were just like, chatting, talking

Leah Donatiello: 16:19

after a surf Society meeting or a presentation. Yeah, we're

Laura Day: 16:23

talking about beauty perception and aging and how women have the pressures of society to look a certain way and act a certain way. And one of the things that you had brought up was, had you had done dayta, yeah, and there was a woman there, right? I'll let you tell it. I think,

Leah Donatiello: 16:45

like, I'm not

Unknown: 16:47

a coach. I think we were

Leah Donatiello: 16:49

talking about how we generally like fear aging, or we are not like looking forward to aging, or we don't embrace it. And my perception on this has started to change, because last year I worked on two retreats in the Amazon, and they're called dietas, because they're it's like a diet, a new diet, jungle plants, basically, and nature, you remove a lot from your diet, and the corona, or the shaman who was she was running the ceremonies and prescribing the diets, Even she's a woman in her, I want to say, late 60s, and then the facilitator, you know, she's in her late 30s and and just like the knowledge keepers, like looking at these women as knowledge keepers, as this thing that only really you can get from time, like you can't just wake up like what I'm doing now I couldn't have done with the life experience I had in my early 20s, like I just there's just something about time that is actually something I think we need to embrace and respect and integrate, whether that's, you know, integrating people of different ages into your life, and not just your small circle of You know people your your age or your friend group or whatever, and looking to these women as you know, like they would in indigenous cultures, right? Like, not just disregarding someone as old and for lack of a better word, like useless or like old in their life is finished. Like, no, like, let's take them and their knowledge and integrate it back. And it's like that becomes this regenerative society. And, you know, maybe we don't take all of it. Maybe there are some things like, just because we're all human right, and we don't need every single piece of every single person's life integrated into our own. But I'm sure there are aspects of it and so, and then I think we were talking about how this can be applied. And, no,

Laura Day: 18:42

that's it. I mean, we were talking about the fear of aging and the in like, the perception of aging, and like, because I'm 37 Are you the same too?

Leah Donatiello: 18:51

I'm 34

Laura Day: 18:52

Oh, you're 34 so you're not so, yeah, but we're in our 30s, right? And I think there's a lot of pressure to like, I know I'm seeing it like, I was looking at pictures of me 10 years ago on Facebook. I was like, flipping through stuff. I was like, Wow. It was so young. I was so young and and just like, so young and fit and happy and all of that. And, and I look back, and people say this all the time too, like, you're gonna always look back and be like, Wow, I was, like, so happy and carefree and beautiful in that moment. And in that moment you're just like, not appreciating all of that, right? And now that I'm in my late 30s, really, I'm like, in my head, I'm like, whatever. I'm like, in my early 40s, it's, it's like, yeah, I don't even, you know, I'm kind of at a point where I'm like, I don't even want to, I don't want to ignore it, like, it's like, right here. How can I I'm not gonna like, I don't know. It's not going anywhere. Like, I'm definitely, you might, I'm definitely aging, and the way that my life has gone kind of in the last couple years is probably not what I thought, you know, like, I thought I'd be married. Have kids, which I don't Yeah, I've been embracing that a lot. And one of the things I wanted to share with you, I was talking to some of the other girls in surf society, and one of Danielle, she shared this with me. We were talking about aging and everything, and we were talking about menopause and perimenopause and stuff like that. She started with saying that whales and dolphins and like chimps and gorillas, they go through menopause. And I was like, wow, really? And she said, Yeah, because the assumption, evolutionarily wise, is that the most dangerous thing you could do is give childbirth, is go through childbirth as a woman. That's the most dangerous thing you can do. But these grandma figures are so valuable that evolution wise people and animals that have very like social, societal kind of cultures in them, we stop having the ability to have children because your role, you don't want to lose the value and the wisdom in these older women. Yeah. And I was like, oh my goodness, yeah. Changes Everything, right? Completely. Like, perspective shift of going through like, oh, wow, you're no longer fertile to no you hold that's all this wisdom and yeah, and you're meant to be kept around, and that is why you're no longer able to have children because it's too risky. And I thought that was a really beautiful thing, and it even made you more, really, like, appreciate your journey to getting to that space. And I love them when we talked about this, because I think there's and even with surfing, people are like, Oh, I'm starting so late, or I'm, you know, so much older than everyone and, yeah, we've also learned to judge ourselves just regular as you were, and not give ourselves credit. Of like, oh, I have so much more wisdom now. You know, 10 years later, i i And maybe I'm reconnected. I operate from a different place than I did 10 years ago, and there's something really beautiful and under celebrated about that. So you know

Leah Donatiello: 22:04

how I'm in this mentorship, this intuitive? I'm so I'm in a mentorship being mentored by, just for context, yeah, by a medical intuitive or an intuitive counselor. The way he works is he does readings for people to help them figure out what they need to work on, or what thing to resolve. It's like stuck things, so I'm being mentored on one how to connect my own intuition more deeply. And on the last call, he had us do this exercise where we were, we were meditating, and it was on our future self, and he wanted us to basically, like, embody our future self, and he's asking us questions. And I realized, and have realized recently, that I haven't really let myself embody my future or like, even like. I don't really view my life long term. I don't really look or haven't really looked to the future. I haven't thought about myself when I'm 60 or 70, like, it's just not something I do. And I think part of the reason is my mom was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's, and she died at 64 and there's a part of me that is like, that is going to be you, you're not going to get to be old. And that's not like, really a helpful thought to have, because who wants to think like that? But during this meditation, this, oh, it's crazy that I'm going to share this here, because I didn't even want to share it in my group. So I'm like, This is too like, Who do you think you are? But my future self was this, like medicine woman, this, like wisdom keeper. And I've had this before, because I've had this thought before, of like, being prompted in sessions just recently. Though this is something I haven't even let myself want. And it's like, what do you actually desire? Like, what do you want to be? And this vision, this idea of like, I want to be this person. Like, I want to be this person, for myself, but for other people. And so we in this meditation, this version of my first this version of myself came up, was like this surfer, and she's just like ripping and chilling, and it's like, but that's part of it too. It's just like being free, feeling relaxed, like, that's the like feeling of it. And another level on that of that embodiment is that person, but that person, older, like that person actually going through life, being like, full of life and experiences and in connection with plants and with nature, and able to connect to this source energy to help other people bring that out of themselves. Because, like I said earlier, like we are, we can get really blocked. Like, I have been very, very blocked, and the fact that I'm starting to be able to do this for myself and for others, is like, and just very much starting like, don't get me wrong, it's not like. It's still something I'm really, really working at, and it's not to be taken lightly either. I feel like very privileged that I get to do this, but the fact now that I'm even able to share like with whoever is going to listen to this, that this is how I can see myself. Yeah, and it's just wild. So he asked us in the meditation, like, what does this person want to say to you, or what are they what message do they have for you? And the message I received was, just start now, and it's like, you don't have to begin then. And I shared that he's like, that future you is you now, like you are essentially talking to yourself. And so that's true, like, that's already true, because it's your future self. So isn't that just, like, mind blowing? And so that idea of, like, just you just really brought me there. It was of this, like, we get to transcend into these, evolve, transcend, yeah, into these. Like, knowledge keepers and like that role really shifting something I really look forward to. And maybe that's something that says something about, like, where I am now, and like, why I feel so confident or comfortable. So like, what? Much more at peace, much more. Like, okay, like, settled and but settled in a good way. Thank you for sharing your animal screen. Yeah, absolutely.

Unknown: 26:04

Thank you, Danielle.

Laura Day: 26:06

But it really is, like an amazing thing, and you, you're saying this conversation you've had with your future self. So I've talked to you about it. I've been doing these, like, Neo emotional release therapy sessions, and it's really probably similar to, like, meditative, right? And you have, if you're really open to it, like visions and feelings and words and things that come to you that are, like, really in there. And it's really incredible how connected we are to how much we can be connected to ourselves, how much, like our intuition can tell us stuff. Like, you're not, like, outright thinking about it, but our intuition can really speak to us. And then I've had experiences where I felt I was in scenarios that were past memories, that were not my past memories, you know, and that was like, so profound, like, what is going on? This is, like, the things I'm seeing and hearing that I've never experienced this. This doesn't this feels like very unfamiliar territory. And the therapist, she's like, this is the ancestral memories, ancestral trauma. I'm like, Wow. I had no idea that, you know, you hear about people talk about that. I had no idea I could access that. Yeah, yeah. And it, yeah, really blows your mind on, like what our existence really is and and what we're capable of, yeah. And we talk about the passing of time, which is what brought our conversation today with that idea of aging. But then there's this overlap of time where your future self is talking to your present self. My past ancestors are talking to my present self. He gave me chills, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I have another friend too that also does these sessions. And, you know, it brings up, like, quantum physics. And there's no idea of actual a straight timeline, except that is how we're experiencing it right now. And it's, it's really opening like, it's just really like, wow, there's more around me than I thought. There's more around me than this, like, material world that we've done in world, yeah, yeah. And I think what you're talking about that, like, that settled Ness in where we are and who we are, like in this world, I think it comes from realizing there's just more than, like, these balls in this computer, like, we're more than that, beyond that. Like, yeah, yes. It's It's pretty incredible. I mean, that brings us to like, I feel like I'm reaching a very similar thought process as you have, like, I'm excited to age. I'm excited to gather more experiences, when lately I've been watching a couple surf films, and I'm like, you know, I started surfing in my mid 20s, and maybe one day I could surf just as good as some of these people. It might take me 20 more years, but how fucking cool would that still be, right? If I'm 57 and surfing as you know, as good as I can, and I look, I do look forward to that. I'm like, okay with that now, yeah, I would say it's, it's been different in the past. Like, you know, I broke up with my ex during COVID. I was 33 I had gone into that relationship thinking that, like, I would have kids and probably get married, and then you break up and you're 33 it's the middle of a pandemic, and I'm like, I don't see myself as much dating anymore anytime soon. You know what I mean? Yeah? Like, I'm like, you do the math, and you're like, well, like, like, okay, yeah, things aren't really mapping out. But once I started thinking about, I don't know, there just was a shift where the aging portion of it just like biological clock running out, like, just stopped bothering me. And I feel a lot better about just like living day to day and being, like, being almost 40, like, whatever I call it,

Unknown: 29:46

yeah, I just like,

Laura Day: 29:47

I don't know, you know, people used to just be like, Oh, my God, the Big Four, oh, or even 30. I'm remember on my 29th No, my 30th birthday, like, the that day I cried because I turned 30,

Unknown: 29:58

yeah. I'm like, this. Oh, that was so dumb, you know,

Leah Donatiello: 30:03

I mean, like, that's part of it. Like I have said in yoga classes and on this, these retreats, you know, when you're going through something hard, it's like, the process is the point. Like, yeah, yeah. And so when you're crying because you're aging, or you're, you know, like learning to surf, or you're, you know, like, these next 20 years of surfing for you, like, it's not gonna it's not about where you're going to be. It's about going through that process. Because I was thinking about this the other day, like, nobody wants to learn from somebody who just read a book and is repeating, you know, the quotes and the and the psychology to you like, you want to learn from someone who's been through it, who, like, had this down and had to, like, climb their way back up and had to, you're not going to relate to somebody who's just woke up one day and was good at surfing and had everything you ever wanted, like, handed to them, like, you're like, I don't even though you want the same things. How you get there is so important, and I think that's also why it's important, you know, who we learn surfing from, and who we learn, who we progress with, who we learn like. Because I'm I had this imposter syndrome, you know, doing these retreats, being like, I didn't start surfing young. I find surfing hard. I find it like. It tests all these different things about me. And I'm like, Well, it probably does that for everybody else, too. And a lot of people can't talk about it, because the instructors are people who've done it since they were 14. Yeah. And so to have that other, like facilitator, that other person there, I think, is, like, one thing that is different, but also gave me this, like, oh, is this right? Is this necessary? But I think it really is. I didn't have somebody like that. I

Laura Day: 31:44

imagine this. What if you felt empowered to establish your place in intimidating lineups? What if you developed the mental toughness to surf new locations in challenging conditions so you could surf more often, catch more waves and have more fun in every session. What if you had the knowledge and the physical skill to catch and ride more waves so you could practice maneuvers like cross stepping, nose, riding, trimming, carving, and ultimately you become a better surfer on the wave? Last but not least, what if you had a sisterhood of friendships with women all over the world who support your growth in the lineup women who are passionate about the sport and the lifestyle and know how to have fun, but also bring quality conversations to the table that help you push your surf skills and celebrate your wins. All of this is a part of being a member at the surf society, which is my women's online community that was really inspired by this podcast. So if you love this podcast, you are going to love the surf society. Join us for your first week free by hitting the link at the top of the show notes, because I would love to see you there when I get out of the water, my skin is dry. Enter my new favorite sidekick on and off the beach, this beautiful hair and body dry oil from our sponsors at dip. Forget the lotion perfume or the hair serum, because this oil is going to replace them all. It comes in a range of beautiful scents that are dilate free and as always, with dips, commitment to sustainability, this product is refillable. Finally, you can get that just served, sun kissed. Glow. Spray this silky smooth oil on your skin or run it through your hair to rehydrate your locks after a long day in the salt and sun. The best part is this oil is fast absorbing and leaves no residue on your hands. Get out of the surf and get on with your day with beautiful self care products from dip already.com. Use the code Confessions of a surf lady to get 15% off at checkout. I'll have the link on the past too. Is like this obsession with trying to look young and like I noticed here, yeah, like, you know, I live in California, and what before would have been like, you know, fake lips and Botox. Like, let's say, 10 years ago, that was like, Orange County rich women, or just these small group of people that had access to this thing. And it was kind of like, okay, that's what they do, or celebrities or whatever. But I feel like a lot of these, like alterations are coming, becoming a lot more mainstream, like a lot more like, lip injections you'll see on just regular people, a lot of people in their 20s, even, like I've seen on Instagram, getting Botox. Yeah, it's really crazy. And even, you know, I've talked to some of my friends and they're like, oh, yeah, I don't know. I don't know, I'd consider it, and it's a weird shift. It's like, a really weird shift. And I don't, I don't know if that's like, necessarily good

Unknown: 34:54

anyone. Is it good for

Leah Donatiello: 34:56

you? Like, that's all you can really control. Is like, that? Does this feel good for me? For me personally? I mean, I don't know. I live in a very small town where there's I don't have. I mean, the the most comparison I get is being on Instagram really, like, I'm, yeah, it's kind of like this world of its own. But in general, like, I don't mind looking, like I surf and like I spend time in the sun, like my hair is, like, different lengths and different colors, and that's because I spend a lot of time outside in the ocean, and that's like a privilege to me, like, that's what I want to be doing. And so to be, like, forcing myself to cut my hair often and look like I don't do that is like, I don't know, or like, I often have, like, the neck tan line or whatever. And I'm like, people tell me, like, why aren't you more tanned? I'm like, because I surf in a wetsuit, like I'm not there to, like, land the beach, like I have other shit to do. Like, for me, I don't mind looking like the person that I am. And I mean, maybe that will change. I don't, I don't know. But, and then also, maybe it just goes to like, one step deeper, asking, you know, that question of, why, like, why do you feel like you need this? Why do we as a society feel like we need this without blaming and instead finding it like within ourselves the reasons and deconstructing them? Hopefully, that's what I would hope. But

Laura Day: 36:18

right? Because it's not actually getting to the root of, like, whatever it is you feel like you're fixing and, I mean, like,

Leah Donatiello: 36:25

if is it self confidence? Like, because, if it's like, you want to feel more confident, it's like, but then you only feel confident if you look a certain way, and then that's not real confidence. Like, that's not real self esteem. A lot of actually, what I do is self esteem more, like figuring out that self worth and even comes through through surfing, is like, do you feel like you're allowed to be there? Like, do you feel like you are entitled to be there, to paddle for certain ways, to to sit at the point to so that's how a lot of this, like inherent self worth stuff, did come up for me, was through surfing and then still working through it outside of the water. But

Laura Day: 37:03

yeah, serving is absolutely like a good mirror. Yes, yes, what's going on and when you've done it enough. So for anyone that's listening, that's like newer and is going through those growing pains, like, look at those growing pains as earning, really earning like, your experience, like you talked about. And if you do it enough, and you stick around enough, and you're observant enough and put your self into like, the culture, and love it for what it is, not just because of what photos you can take and put on Instagram, but like, really love it for what it is. Like you will get to a place where you do start feeling a little bit more comfortable with, yeah, with picking up your space in line. It's like

Leah Donatiello: 37:42

learning to drive. Yeah, that's a good deal. I remember learning to drive and being like, I'm so uncomfortable, and I'm so aware of every little thing. And I remember like, watching my mom drive and be like, Why does it look so like natural? And then Learning to Surf your same thing. You're so aware of how everything feels, how every like, everything's so uncomfortable and weird. And then you look at other people and you're like, why do they just flow? Like, why does it just look so easy? And then eventually you get there, yeah. And then you just like, it's more than driving, you know, it's way more. Maybe it's like, going to become a professional drivers. There's still more about we just stop at a certain place. And I think that's also okay as a surfer. Like, if you stop at a certain place, I've heard people be like, oh, you know, surfing is about adrenaline and and go always reaching for more. And it's like, Is it maybe, right? It can be like, also, yeah, like, surfing doesn't have to be this for everybody, but it is for me. And, you know, like, I had this, just this, like, will to learn how to surf like, but it felt like this calling, like it felt like this thing that I couldn't just sit like, I've tried it, you know, I tried earlier, when I first moved here, and I just really struggled. And I left it for a while, but I always wanted to go back. And I always just, like, felt that yearning and that calling. And I think we really need to pay attention to those things, because if I hadn't gone back, I would not have or be any of this. Maybe I would have found it in another way. But I'm really happy that I have it in this way. And so, yeah, it's like, what is that calling? Is that what do you call that? Is that spirit? Is that God? Is that intuition? Are those things all the same thing. Like, I think, yes. And so when we we think we're not connected, but we are. And how many times have we listened to something and just, or not listened but or felt things, you know? And right? We just write it off, or we just think it's like, oh, that's just my intuition. I had that gut. It's like, that gut feeling is like Source Energy talking to you, okay, like, listen to it.

Laura Day: 39:44

Yeah, there is so much intuition that we have that I would argue to say that society and corporations and everybody that profits off women being insecure don't want us to be connected, course not, and because they profit. Stop it too much. But it's a beautiful thing, I think, to reconnect and spend that time. And it's really empowering. I would say it can be very uncomfortable too, especially in a society that, Oh yeah, right there. Yet I find that difficult for me when I'm pushing myself and like going back and questioning, like, Should I do this? Should I say that? Should I stand up for that? And then I'll have a side of me that's like, I can't not

Unknown: 40:24

say anything, you know, like him, you just Yeah,

Leah Donatiello: 40:28

no, my mentor, he says, like, because half the time during these calls, like, we do some private ones, and we do some group ones, and half the time I'm so uncomfortable and and I'm so resistant, I'm getting better. But he has said from the very beginning, he's like, your intuition isn't here to make you feel comfortable. Your intuition is here to tell you the truth. And the truth is not, oh, he's comfortable. And we have free will, we have, and that's so that's the problem, really, is that we can override it, and it will sit there and it will be like, Oh, maybe you're not ready yet, okay, but it's there, and that's on us too, or when we when we decide to take action on it, but we know things like, No, and it's like this, you know, he always says, like, you don't know how you know, but you know. And the thing is, is like, we all have access to this, and we can all work on it and unlock it, or reconnect to however you want to word it, you know, like it's there for absolutely everybody. And modern society wants us to be numb. And I think also, that's why surfing also is a bit of this can be seen as this, like fringe thing. You get into surfing, and you see people just like living for swells and waves and chasing, you know, it's like that stereotype of, you know, or that traveler who's just always, you know, going, where are the waves? Or because that connection is so strong, I don't think it's just, it's not always just this adrenaline addiction, you know, you can go mountain biking and skateboarding and do all of these other things. I think it's like this relationship with the ocean, and it calls you and it draws you back in and and I think that we are so lucky that we have this. We're

Laura Day: 42:09

so lucky. And, I mean, I would say, Yeah, I would say, like, what? We wouldn't know each other if we didn't have this. And along with a, you know, a lot of other women that I call really good friends, because we connect so well over how much we love surfing, and we're able to support each other in that way. And it's like, such a beautiful thing. And I think the way you've married your passion for surfing with your passion for helping women reconnect to themselves has been like, really, it's great, been great to watch that evolution, because you and I have talked, yeah, like we, we, you know, it's been years. We've going back and forth about ideas and where we're at with everything. So I think it's cool to watch both of us evolve into a place that feels like, I would say, both of us seem a lot more settled than what we're doing and who we are. It's really cool to have that company. Absolutely tell us about your trips, because I know you have a few coming up. Yeah,

Leah Donatiello: 42:58

oh, I just wanted to comment on the Oh yeah, on the word you used like, and I used it too settled is, like, this supposed to be this, like, bad thing, right? Like, oh, he's settled. But it's actually like, when do you feel unsettled is when you should seek mentoring or coaching? Like, that's a like, how you asked earlier, like, who would like look for? This is, like, if you feel unsettled in your life, it's because you may have settled for something that's not yours. And yeah, so these trips that I do now reconnect retreats. I used to just call them surfing yoga retreats. It's not just a surf and yoga retreat. And the thing about yoga like surfing, is like another form of yoga, you know, I mean, like they're both spiritual practices, their disciplines, their their methods of connection, and that's why they go together. They don't go together because yoga makes you flexible for surfing, right? And that I've had, like, such a hard time trying to put words on that love that

Laura Day: 43:54

you said, that I love it. So I started doing, I mean, I've always done yoga, like, here and there, but this year I started doing i and gar yoga with a studio that it's actually owned by surfers. And actually, to tie back to what we've talked about, a lot of the people in their studio are the women are in their 60s, 50s, 60s, 70s. So it's been a really beautiful experience to go in there and like, you know, talk about, like, oh gosh, I've been struggling with sleeping, you know, just little these things, yeah, have them be like, Oh, yeah. That happens sometimes. And I'm like, yeah. But like, you know,

Leah Donatiello: 44:27

what's so interesting? I just got chills. Yeah. I just want to share one thing. So in this last session, this last mentoring session, he was speaking about, like, grandmother energy. And when you, like, say something to a grandmother, like, if a great the granddaughter goes like, Oh, I got my heart broken, or his heart broken, the grandmother just goes, Yeah, that happens like, oh, and isn't that? Like, they just understand. They just know. And like, what you just said is, like, exactly that, like, that just like, yeah, that's part of life. Like, it's not like, let's fix it. Let's take this five step Ultimate Guide to sleep. Deep and hack and vitamins, and it's like, no, like, so continue. No,

Unknown: 45:08

exactly.

Laura Day: 45:08

That's exactly my feeling like, Yes, I'm trying to

Unknown: 45:11

do the five step thing, and it's not working. But, you know, but me going in there and then being like

Laura Day: 45:18

that. That happens. All of them said that to me, yeah. And the the owner Kim, she know she was like, Yeah, you know that she was telling me that she's like, I've never been a good sleeper, but this is what I do. I just get out of bed, I make myself tea, and I tell myself, if I'm going to bed, I cannot think about anything, you know, and it just is for her to tell me that it happens to her because I had, I'm just struggling. I have been in the last couple months, because it's I'm not used to sleeping like this, like waking up in the middle of night, and so it's not, I'm not as productive during the day because I'm so tired. But I started to be like, well, if this is gonna happen, like, you know, I'll do everything I can to be as healthy as I can. But if this just starts happening, and this is what's gonna happen. Like, I need to learn how to work with it and not let it, like, run my life, and for them to just tell me, like, yep, that's how it starts to go. Like, when you start getting into, like, late 30s and 40s, you can start having, like, sleep, probably, yeah, I know. No, I feel a lot more settled about it, though.

Leah Donatiello: 46:19

Yeah, that makes sense. I relate when you told me, you like, I'm not sleeping, I was like, Well, I just got a puppy, and those two weeks, like the first, at least the first week, like, she was waking up every couple of hours and to go to, like, and I would let her out, and the in the day, I was just like, how do people live like this? Like, I just was miserable, and I was like, okay, you know what? Like, luckily, it was over the Christmas break, and I break that I took for myself because, and I was taking naps every afternoon because I really needed it, and then I would feel better. And I'm like, Oh, it's just that I needed sleep. Like, it's not that I'm a terrible human who's now turned into, like, something else. But that sleep thing is, like, is so hard, like, I can just imagine that, yeah,

Laura Day: 47:09

and it, but it felt, it felt really bad, a lot better for someone to say yes. Like, and, you know, she said, this happens. No one talks about it. I was like, Oh, I felt relief. Okay, I get it. But anyways, back to the yoga thing. This practice is so it is so about understanding your body and the way it moves and the way it feels and the way. And I don't think a lot of instructors teach yoga from that standpoint of what you feel in your body. They're just like, bend backward, touch this, do that, yeah,

Leah Donatiello: 47:41

yeah. If you want to go deeper, like, Take this, oh, there's like, a script, you know, you just like, go to enough classes. You have a script. I've done. I did a night some younger classes when I was in India as well, and it was like, You do like three poses a class, because you're holding them each for like 10 minutes, yeah. And

Laura Day: 47:58

it's incredible, because I feel that that time spent thinking about, like, the little turn in my shoulder where my tailbone is, it has connected. I've always been pretty good at, like, feeling my body, like, if something hurts, and describing it. Alexis, what she's like, you're really good at, like, articulating What's wrong, yeah. And I was like, Oh, that's good. And she's like, you're very aware, but this has made me even more aware in the feeling, and that has translated back to surfing and feeling that awareness in the board, which has also translated into improvement. Because I think people want to, of course, video, video helps. All of that helps, right? But you think about how people got really good at surfing with no video whatsoever for a long time. And it's that connection from your with your body, to the way, to the board and to the way. And I've been trying to surf more from that place of like, okay, how can I just feel from my feet through my legs, you know, back to the board, to the wave, yeah. And I quite honestly, feel like, not that I surf better in the sense of I can do maneuvers, is I feel in flow. I feel like with the wave, I feel like it's a conversation. And I when I watch videos of people surfing soulfully, that's what I see. It's like, it's this response to the water, and so I feel better about my surfing no matter if I did a maneuver I thought I was going to do or not, because that feeling's there. Yeah,

Leah Donatiello: 49:29

I really like what you said about that response. And it's like acting out that relationship between you and the ocean. It's like, what does is the wave kind of like providing and what does it allow for? And then you like moving into that space. It's like this co creation, and it's like that in yoga, I think, between yourself and your body and and a big thing in yoga for me was always like this practice of the ego of like, but you could do this, you could stretch, you could go a little deeper, and it's like coming back and being like. Should I, like, I know, how many people get injured doing yoga because they just want to, like, go deeper. And I'm not immune to that. I have for myself in stretching or, like, you know, because I used to be able to do a pose or stretching or doing yoga after you haven't done it for a while, is actually, or yoga asana is so nice because you're more sore or you're more tense, and so you feel everything more which is also like kind of a nice change, but coming back to it is just being in a pose, and then just like testing your boundaries and your limits and hearing from your body, no stop. And then actually stopping creates this, like really trusting relationship between you and your body. And then I think that translates in life. I think that translates in the water, yeah? So I hate to just be like, Oh, it's a surf and yoga retreat, because it's not like, surf and stretch, you know, like, that's not what I mean for it to be, but that's kind of what it might sound like. So, yeah, reconnect retreats,

Laura Day: 50:59

yeah, what do they need to know? Where can they find more information, even like, what's coming up, but then also, like, you know, just generally speaking, because someone could be listening to us, like, a year later.

Leah Donatiello: 51:09

So right. Okay, so as of right now, there is one in March. There will be one in I'm looking I had to reschedule this one. But May or June, 2025, and November 2025 all the information is available on my website. So Leah donatello.com/surf retreat or, yeah, you can open in the show now. Instagram, yeah. Instagram, Leah dot Donatello, those will be ongoing, and this year I'm opening up a coaching or mentoring container three or four months before each retreat, minus the march one, so that if you wanted to do personal mentoring, you could, and then you could come to a retreat and, like, put it all in action so it could, like, line up for certain clients like that if they wanted it to and maybe one day I will do that in a group form, which is, like, would be kind of cool to have a group of people that go through, like, a container of people that go through coaching together, and then they all come on the retreat. I think that would be

Laura Day: 52:12

quite cool. But that would be so cool, yeah, yeah, because we've had, like, with serve society. Our first trip was down to Baja, and so it's, it's so cool to, like, have a group of girls who have never met in person, but have had a lot of conversations together online and been through, like, the educational materials, and then meet in person, and it's a completely different dynamic than just jumping into a trip with people that you don't know yet. Because when you don't know the people yet, right? It takes you a couple days, like, warm up and get that vibe and everything down. So yeah, I think that's, like, a great idea. Yeah, I

Leah Donatiello: 52:44

think you also told me I should do that, like, years ago, and I was like, No way. Who's gonna do that? But it's just like, you know this that self sabotage, like, wanting to stay comfortable and like, ease the we like, want to ease the like, what sort like the fall like, if it doesn't work, we want to, like, yeah, um, soften the blow, I guess is what you call it. So it's like, that's not, that's not a good mindset. Don't do that anymore.

Laura Day: 53:12

I mean, when you're an entrepreneur and you're doing everything, it's, it's absolutely easy to go into a self doubt mode, but, but I think when same thing like surfing, you keep putting the time and you keep showing up, you get to a point where you're like, Well, how many times did I think I was gonna fail, but I did it anyway, but I just learned something from it, yeah. And like, How many times did I think everything was gonna fall apart and blow up? And it never did, yeah? And

Leah Donatiello: 53:38

then you just cut away what doesn't work, and you figure it out. And yeah, but I mean, so yeah, for and it's kind of like surfing, like the progress can be really slow in surfing, like you can really be at it for a while and be like, I'm not getting better. But actually, it all adds up. It all adds up. No matter if you didn't catch a single wave, you definitely learn something. I mean, it's not like, those aren't the sessions where you feel like you learned a lot, or probably not, but like, unless it's, I mean, you still can, I guess. But you know, you can have the most frustrating session and not catch a single wave, but you still are getting better, which is, like, really hard to believe, because then one day you're just, you just have an amazing session out of nowhere, but it's because of all that time you already put in. And so it's kind of like that, I think, too, when you're doing all the things,

Unknown: 54:25

I agree, Mike, we talk for hours. Have to cut us off now,

Laura Day: 54:30

but I'm gonna put the link in the show notes. And for those of you that want to learn more from Leah, you can go to Leah donatella.com she's also one of her surf guides at the surf society. So she did a nutrition series that's still in there, really important. So Leah taught me that I needed to eat the night before. We talked a lot about when to eat. So her workshops are still there that you can definitely learn from and apply to your to your surf routine. Mean to surf better and stay out longer. Feel better while you're out there. And then, yeah, if you guys want to get in touch with Leanne, learn more about her reconnect retreats and coaching and intuitive medicine woman on the rise, everything, everything,

Unknown: 55:17

all the links in the show notes. Well,

Leah Donatiello: 55:19

thanks. Yeah, I'm happy to, like, just have conversations with people if they want to come on a trip, and they're, like, not sure if this is for them or, like, same with mentoring, like, I'm really happy to hop on a call with or voice note or whatever. And, you know, I think that these trips are, it's not just, like, catch as many waves as you can. It's like there's something more to it. So it always brings, like, a certain type of person, but it always really works, like the people who come are always really there for the right reasons, and they're small groups, which I just love, like we Yeah, anyway, I could talk more, but

Unknown: 55:57

I know podcast number two, we can tell we could totally talk for like, hours. I think one day we got on a call and we talked for like, four

Leah Donatiello: 56:05

hours, I know, and time just goes by so fast, but I know I just feel like, I don't want to say, I have it all figured out. Nobody does, but I think I figured out a lot. I think I've really figured out, you know, like, just a lot about and also, I think I'm more comfortable in the part that I just haven't figured out yet. And I have this, maybe this is something good we could end on, like, taking this beginner's mindset that we should have every time we go surfing. This, I tell people this, you know, like, go without expectations, go thinking you might not catch any waves, and then you'll have a great session. And, like, just because you have a good surf one day doesn't mean you're gonna have a good surf the next day. And when you're doing any sort of self development, self or, like, you know, spiritual work or anything, I think it's the same thing. Like, just because you had one really good meditation or you had one really good day doesn't mean the rest are going to be like that, and also not and that's not to say you're failing or you're doing anything wrong. It's just that's how it is. Like life moves like tides, you know, like it moves like water and healing, and is not just linear. And so I think taking in this beginner mindset from surfing and applying it to just everything else, I just think makes like we get this like, happy, curiosity and like excitement. Like he said, like, I'm excited to age. I'm excited for this. I'm looking forward to the process, right? So in our mindset moving forward.

Laura Day: 57:34

All right, lady, we've come to the end of our episode, but not the end of the conversation after listening. I hope that you feel represented, empowered and even better connected to your surf sisters in our beautiful surf lady community, let's stay connected before our next episode. Follow me on Instagram at Confessions of a surf lady and follow our amazing women's surf community, where we get together to learn more, surf better and live happy. That is at surf society, spelled s, O, C, i, e, t, e, last but not least, join us in our exclusive surf society platform. Join us for your first week free by clicking the link at the top of the show notes, thank you so much for bringing your unique and beautiful self to our lineup at Confessions of a surf lady, I'll see you on our next episode. Your host, Laura Day, you.