Ideagen Radio
Ideagen Radio
Catalyze Impact Ep. 15: Redefining Thriving: Messy, Real, And Still Full Of Hope with Emma Barker
When life falls apart, slogans don’t help—tools do. We sit down with life coach and author Emma Barker to unpack a grounded approach to mindset that works on the days when energy is scarce and fear is loud. Instead of preaching “just stay positive,” Emma shows how to choose optimism with small, repeatable actions that hold up under real pressure.
Emma shares what thriving actually looks like in the middle of treatment and parenting two young kids: messy, human, and anchored in resilience. We talk through how to speak honestly with children without overwhelming them, why silence can fuel scarier stories, and how to calibrate what you share based on age and temperament. Emma’s “scroll” metaphor brings cognitive behavioral therapy into everyday language—revealing how our inner script gets heavy with warnings and how to test those thoughts against real evidence.
You’ll hear practical tools you can start today: a quick thought audit to spot doom loops, simple breathing to interrupt spirals, scheduled worry time to contain anxiety, and small acts of self-preservation that rebuild agency. We explore the difference between control and stewardship, and why choosing the next kind, doable step is a powerful vote for hope when outcomes remain uncertain. Whether you’re facing cancer, caregiving, sudden change, or a quiet season of unease, this conversation offers a clear path to more calm and courage.
Want more? Find Emma’s book “Thriving With Cancer, Kids And Other Crap” on Amazon by searching thriving with cancer, and explore additional resources and her podcast on mind control at www.emmabarkerthriving.com. If this episode resonates, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find these tools.
🎧 Listen at IdeagenGlobal.com
📘 Book: https://www.amazon.com/Thriving-Cancer-Kids-other-Crap/dp/B0G445CC1T
🌐 Learn more: https://www.emmabarkerthriving.com/
Let's welcome to Idea Gen TV. Today I am thrilled to have with us Emma Barker, live from London, England, life coach and author of Thriving with Cancer, Kids and Other Crap. What a title.
SPEAKER_01:What a title. Thank you for having me, George.
SPEAKER_00:You know, it's extraordinary. You know, this book is really inspirational. And um, I'd like to dig right into this interview by asking you the question. The question being, your book rejects cliches like just stay positive, or why do those platitudes fall flat when life genuinely falls apart? And what should people hear instead?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, platitudes, they sound great, right? When people are talking and saying, like you used as an example there, just stay positive. The problem with that is what does that actually mean? Because it's really inaccessible to so many people. How do I stay positive? And what I've tried to do in this book is drill down into really accessible language, how we can choose optimism, choose joy, and create more contentment in our lives despite trauma that we might be facing. So, yes, it absolutely rejects those cliches, but it talks really in practical terms, accessible terms, as to how we can choose more optimism in our lives.
SPEAKER_00:You know, that's extraordinary perspective, of course. And so, as a life coach and a parent, for you, what has been the hardest part of supporting your children while you yourself were in a battle, struggle, you know, any of the above?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean that is an excellent question, and one of the driving forces behind writing the book because what this book isn't is just an account of my personal journey of cancer. Yes, that's woven within it, but there are chapters that specifically, as you've just addressed, focus on the children and how you can support them. It's particularly unique when a parent has been diagnosed or a parent is going through trauma because I'm a massive advocate of that self-care and self-protection. And this is a time in your life to really prioritize yourself more than ever before. And that's not selfish, that is self-preservation. That said, your relationship with your children is somewhat different, is it not? And especially dependent on their age. My children are six and eight, so of course they're still heavily dependent on me and were through last year when I received my cancer diagnosis. So I still remained responsible, of course, for their well-being. And where in the book I talk about you wanting support from other people and that idea of self-preservation in not trying to support them through your diagnosis at the same time, that of course is quite different when we're talking about children, because they need us. And one of the hardest parts of the journey, and I'm sure there will be sadly many people listening that can relate to this, is sharing that news with your children and then thinking, gosh, how do I now support them mentally through this process? Because it's you know, it's an overwhelming amount of information for them, and it's also age-dependent on how much you share. Something that stood out to me more than anything through this journey, through my research and leaning on charities like Macmillan Cancer Support was the importance of sharing information with children. Because if we don't, they can make up stories themselves, and sometimes the um the story they create is far worse than the reality. They pick up so much more than we're aware of, nuances in our behavior, days where we're feeling low, muffled conversations between parents. So honesty is a really important component of supporting your children when trauma is happening.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's that's just extraordinary. And so the word thriving, um, it feels bold, really like a bold statement in the context of you know what you have endured with cancer.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:What does Amma thriving actually look like on the bad days, not the inspirational ones?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's such a good question, George, because of course thriving absolutely does not mean perfection. It absolutely does not mean that we're coping wonderfully all of the time. Humans are innately flawed, right? We make mistakes on a daily basis. Thriving to me means retaining the energy to get back up again. There's resilience within thriving, there's optimism within thriving, and that means we get to be messy and beautiful. So, of course, thriving encompasses those days that you're referring to where my body's so tired that it cannot move itself physically from the sofa, even if I'm mentally willing, because radiotherapy has taken its toll. Or days where you're so frightened about your own mortality that you're really struggling to think about how to cook dinner that night. Thriving is about finding the resilience to keep going, to even when we're in the depths of despair, make a decision that we do have a choice, that what no one can ever control, including cancer, is what goes through our mind. And when we actively seek control over that and we put effort in, and it's effort and it's work on a daily basis, thriving is work, mind control is work. But we can make those decisions and choices to be more optimistic and choose the story of hope as opposed to the story of doom and gloom, which of course, when you're in the midst of these traumas, that's very difficult to do. So thriving is not having it all together all of the time, it is not perfection, it's messy and it's real, it's human life.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you know, such incredible perspective in your resilience is obviously remarkable in your perspective. Um and so what's one simple practical mindset shift from the book that helped you regain a sense of control when perhaps everything else felt so uncertain?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so I think there's always the foundation that we have to address of what mind control is. And the first step to acknowledging this is that you it is acknowledging, sorry, that you have a choice. So many of us live our lives feeling like we're being driven by this kind of inner critic, this voice in our heads that says it must be this way, we're stuck in our comfort zone, we're playing small, we have fear of the unknown, right? We want to live within the familiar. So we create these cycles of, or rather, we have these cycles of thought that are running in our mind that can sometimes be negative and bring us down. So the foundation skill in the book is acknowledging that these thoughts are happening and that you have a choice over them. So I like to use the metaphor of a scroll. So if you'll just indulge me for a second here, I'll explain to your lovely viewers. Um, think of a scroll, right? Lovely piece of paper here with lots of writing on it. From the moment you're born, that scroll is living inside your brain and it's being written on by lots of external forces, people, experiences, and it's keeping data, it's keeping track of all of the things that keep you safe. Because ultimately, its job is to keep you alive. And we all share this as human beings that we're we're born with a purpose, and the purpose is, when we're born, to stay alive. So your scroll starts imprinting all of these dangers, right? And as you get older, the scroll has more writing on it and it gets heavier and it starts to weigh down and it talks to you more and it becomes your inner critic, or you mustn't do that, that's dangerous, or don't say that because somebody will think you're silly. And it starts to kind of give us these negative cycles of thought. When we can acknowledge that we have a choice to say, is this true? Is this actually true? Or am I fabricating things from different fragments that have been written in my script that are not true? Right? What evidence have I got that if I say this, someone's going to think I'm silly? What evidence have I got that I'm at this cancer diagnosis is actually going to be the death of me? That's an extreme example of one that I absolutely went through myself because once I was in these cycles of negative thought, I genuinely thought that I wouldn't survive the diagnosis at one point. And I really had to tap into the evidence of that. Is this true? What evidence have I got that I'm going to die? And actually, when you start to look at that, it was balanced to positivity and hope. And I began the process then again of acknowledging that I have a choice over the thoughts I'm telling myself. That yes, my scroll wants to keep me alive, but it's creating dangers that aren't necessarily there. So that's the foundation skill is acknowledging. And this this book says it far more succinctly than I just did then. In my in my writing, I describe this scroll, how we can acknowledge it, and how we can work through it.
SPEAKER_00:Well, Emma, for someone listening who isn't dealing with you know the similar, a similar issue, like you did with cancer or whatever the issue may be, but is facing sudden change or trauma or something, some challenge. What do you most want them to take away from your story?
SPEAKER_01:That hope and joy are still very much possible. When we're in the eye of the storm, again, our scroll is screaming danger to us, right? And it's telling us that we're not going to get out of this, and this is just an awful situation, and it becomes very heavy. In the book, it's broken down in the second section of tiny, really practical activities that we can do on a daily basis to start what I call winning the war over this trauma, these negative thought patterns. It talks about really simple exercises that you can do when you're trying to sleep at night and your mind is worrying and how to relax, how to deal with moments of anxiety. So it's very practical and actually not just for trauma. Um, I have a little tick box in the book that you can just look through and choose some of the exercises and tick off when you've tried at any time in your life, because this is about an awareness, a self-awareness that says, if I'm not feeling completely content and happy right now, I can do something about that. And this book kind of holds your hand and lets you understand what steps you can take in practical life to achieve more optimism and hope.
SPEAKER_00:Well, that is um profound. And I want to thank you personally and professionally for sharing this incredible optimism and the uh the book. And so, how can folks find out more about the book? How can they purchase it? Where can they go to actually buy this inspirational read for any challenge you're facing?
SPEAKER_01:Bless you, George. Yes, so it's on Amazon. So my title being here, as you so said, Thriving with cancer kids and other crap. If you just go and type in thriving with cancer, then it will come up on Amazon. But I also have a website because I have a podcast that talks all things mind control, um, with a dear friend of mine who's a cognitive behavior therapist. So my website is www.emabarkerthriving.com, and any information you would like on the book or the podcast can be found there.
SPEAKER_00:Emma BarkerThriving.com. You are a leader, you are an inspiration, and truly changing the world and certainly helping individuals across the planet really thrive. And that is really remarkable. And I want to also thank you for sharing your story. And yes, you are thriving, Emma, and you're you're again helping so many people thrive across the world. So thank you for that. And go out and purchase Emma's new book. It's going to change the world and potentially your life. Thank you so very much, Emma.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you, George. I really appreciate you giving me this platform and the opportunity to reach the people that need this book the most. So thank you for your time.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. Everyone will benefit from this book, I promise you. Thank you.