Ep 1 - Creating a Life with Meaning - Dr Saliha Afridi

From an early age, Clinical Psychologist Dr Saliha Afridi knew that she wanted to change the world. What began as a desire to heal evolved into helping people to help themselves and today Dr Saliha leads The Lighthouse: a community mental health clinic based in Dubai.

I was so thrilled to sit with Dr Saliha in the beautiful space she’s created in the heart of Dubai. We talked about everything from therapy to work to parenting and religion. 

She revealed that she’s deleted Instagram from her phone and how she stayed connected to love through divorce. Our chat was full of energy and joy and laughter. Absolutely loved it.

Follow me, and the Good Intentions podcast:

https://www.instagram.com/kellyharvarde/

Follow the wonderful Dr Saliha Afridi:

https://www.instagram.com/drsalihaafridi/

Follow The Lighthouse:

https://www.instagram.com/lighthousearabia/

Immerse yourself in some of the books we discussed:

The Forty Rules of Love - Elif Shafak

https://www.amazon.com/Forty-Rules-Love-Novel-Rumi/dp/0143118528

Anita Moorjani - Dying to be Me

https://www.amazon.com/Dying-Be-Me-Journey-Healing/dp/1401937535

The great Joe Dispenza

https://www.amazon.com/Joe-Dispenza/e/B001IGX24Q

Transcript

Kelly Harvarde:   0:02
Welcome to good intentions, the podcast where we explore the world around us to find meaning and intention and what we do. I'm Kelly Harvarde and I'm on a mission to spread positive stories that will inspire you to live a more meaningful and connected life.    

Kelly Harvarde:   0:18
It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values, amazing.  I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, you feel too much?

Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly likeI see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic children - she can spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a curse, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. Then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when,  things cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the story you've told yourself is not the story your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother or father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Dr Saliha:   0:00
It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Dr Saliha:   0:00
It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Dr Saliha:   0:00
You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
Dr Salia, Thank you so much for joining us. You've dedicated so much of your life in service to others, essentially on what compelled you to start what's been a really unique journey. You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
Dr Salia, Thank you so much for joining us. You've dedicated so much of your life in service to others, essentially on what compelled you to start what's been a really unique journey. You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
I love talking to Dr Sally her and the beautiful space is created in the heart of Dubai. We talked about everything from therapy to work, to parenting and religion. Nothing was off the table. She revealed that she's deleted instagram from her phone shock horror and also how she stayed connected to love. Three divorce. Our chat was full of energy and joy and laughter on I absolutely loved it. I hope you do too, Dr Salia, Thank you so much for joining us. You've dedicated so much of your life in service to others, essentially on what compelled you to start what's been a really unique journey. You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

:   0:00


Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
Dr Salia, Thank you so much for joining us. You've dedicated so much of your life in service to others, essentially on what compelled you to start what's been a really unique journey. You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Kelly Harvarde:   0:00
Dr Salia, Thank you so much for joining us. You've dedicated so much of your life in service to others, essentially on what compelled you to start what's been a really unique journey. You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like

Kelly Harvarde:   5:07
My guest for you in this episode is clinical psychologist Dr Sally Her Alfred E. From a very early age, she knew that she wanted to change the world. What began as a desire to heal evolved into helping people to help themselves. And today, Dr Sally, who leads the lighthouse, a community mental health clinic based in Dubai. The lighthouse was born from a desire to make a positive impact on the mental health of those living in the region. On with a commitment to serve the community is quickly become a beacon of light for those who live in the U. S. A. Just as its name suggests, I love talking to Dr Sally her and the beautiful space is created in the heart of Dubai. We talked about everything from therapy to work, to parenting and religion. Nothing was off the table. She revealed that she's deleted instagram from her phone shock horror and also how she stayed connected to love. Three divorce. Our chat was full of energy and joy and laughter on I absolutely loved it. I hope you do too, Dr Salia, Thank you so much for joining us. You've dedicated so much of your life in service to others, essentially on what compelled you to start what's been a really unique journey. You know, this was not really a thing that was compelled. It was just something I wass my whole life. Even when I was younger, I was always just drawn towards helping people I couldn't tolerate when others were in pain. I haven't quite thin skinned and have high levels of empathy. So for me, when I see someone suffering, it's like now my job toe make that suffering go or I will continue to also suffer. So it's also them, you know, it's a self serving in some way as well. But, you know, even when I was younger, I remember when I was 14 years old, there was like a nursing home elderly home. I'm not sure what they call them now, but home for the elderly. And I used to just go there and like sit with them and play bingo with them. And just because I felt like they were so lonely and like they didn't have anyone around them. When I was in college, I would read to the blind because I felt like, you know, it would just be a good thing to do because I felt like I can't imagine not being able to read and not be able to see where it's because I feel so passionately about that. So I felt like I had to do that. But there were so many different things that I've done throughout my past. So this was not something that I like. Let me start a project kind of thing. It was just let me just be more of who I am. And then this thing happened. It kind of came naturally out of your personality and your values and your yes, amazing. But I imagine that being so empathetic and being highly sensitive is a blessing and a challenge at times as well. I mean, do you feel that that it can sometimes, But you feel too much. Yes, for sure. And I think as a child it was definitely a cursed, and I have had a very interesting journey with my emotions. So as a very young kid, I was very emotional and everyone would call me like crocodile tears and I don't know what other names. And it was just something that I didn't like, that I would react so sensitively to everything and everything would get under my skin. But then I sort of hit adolescence, and in adolescence I decided I was no longer going to be emotional. I was going to be very cerebral because my spirit is actually my energy is quite masculine in its sense, when achievement oriented, goal oriented. And so I said, I'm just gonna work on this thing and I did and I became very sort of focused on my thoughts rather than my emotions. It wasn't until me there was always my heart guiding me. I feel like I've been connected to my heart, but I wasn't connected to my emotions and then I became like, 32 or something, and I had my midlife moment, and that's when, like things this cracked open and my ability to sort of move and use, my emotions became engaged again and then I felt like it was a superpower. I felt like I could know things and feel things that no one could. And that really helps in the therapy room, because people will be telling me a storey. And I'm saying that's not what your body is feeling and we need to explore this it a bit differently because the storey you've told yourself is not the storey your body remembers, and so I then used it as a superpower. But I think if a mother has a child who is highly sensitive, that mother needs to focus. Or Father needs to focus on building an emotional intelligence, emotional vocabulary, coping skill, self regulation, emotional regulation, all of things I didn't have, or the child would probably numb itself out or lose a big part of who they are. Yeah, I see this a lot because my daughter is one of those very highly sensitive, empathetic Children on DH sheikhoun spot someone a mile away that doesn't look quite right. If she hears anyone crying, she's constantly like, what's the matter with them.  I'm having to educate myself a lot about this at the moment, which is kind of one of those things of parenting that you prepare yourself for the sleepless nights and you have the practical stuff that you gotta wade through. But then the whole emotional on DH Yeah, psychological part of it is it's quite an education that's about it.

Dr Saliha:   5:28
I think it's probably the most important thing you can give Kids is to be connected to their whole being and not neglect any part of them, which I think, because emotions are so troubling. And they are so overwhelming that kids will cut themselves off from that or they will be overwhelmed by them. And they will be having outbursts and anger outbursts, and it won't be right either. So I think that's the most important thing we can do for our kids,

Dr Saliha:   5:56
you know? Very important.

Kelly Harvarde:   5:58
I completely agree. So what's out here in the lighthouse, which is this beautiful place, and this literally is a beacon for people to come? Teo, when they need to sort of help and support. Are you seeing a big increase in people that are coming through the doors these days? Has it? Yes. Groan. Yes. And I've been now in Dubai for 11 years and this year I felt there was like a shift in the energy and just this year starting, I would say September when everyone came back, I just felt like the energy of this place was different and workplace cos they are very, very concerned now because they're seeing people reach to a mental health state that is actually quite unhealthy. Now it's affecting their bottom line also. Well, I saw recently you said Harmony. If you invest in mental health, the return that you get on it and that was so interesting to me because I've never really seen anybody put a figure on it. And obviously that's what business is understand, however much and I've worked with many amazing cos who really do believe in investing in people, but in terms of them knowing what they're going to get out, we don't always see that. So that was a really good way of doing it. Well, I just as a business owner, I think about these things all the time and it is a number that I think the World Health Organisation has come up with, so it's not something I made, but there is a return on investment that is way higher than if you were just to constantly be treating and losing productivity and absenteeism and present. He is, um, so I did see a big shift in the workplace scene, and then we've always just been quite engaged with schools and kids, so that's always sadly been. Our largest population is Children, but I saw that the phones are now sort of bringing all the time. So do you think that is? Aside from the awareness? Is it that we're more aware of the challenges or the challenges growing, or is it a bit of both? I think it's probably three things. One. I definitely think that the challenges have increased now we are probably hitting the 10 year mark once, you know, after the launch of social media and its popularity. So we're hitting that mark and I think there is a big issue there, and dizziness and smartphones and things like that. 15 years of that. Second, I do think there's an awareness Social media has played a big part in allowing people toe understand what some of these issues are, and then thirdly also related to the media is. A lot of these celebrities have come out, you know, the rock and all of these other stars and influencers saying that they have issues has made it OK for them to say, Okay, maybe I should go get help. I think all three of these coming together probably is making the scene a little bit hotter. I would say Yeah, make sense, Which is kind of one of my questions I wanted to ask you about. Because as the stigma of mental health is producing and changing, thankfully, you know we're open to discussing these sorts of subjects. It could be anxiety. It could be lost. It could be bereaved. Manono. I've recently had some really beautiful conversations with people who are going through struggles like this and maybe would never have talked about that before. So before we lived in the village and there was a whole load of people around us and we could speak to people. Now we're so desperate. So how can we create connexions with others that help us feel less alone? But obviously we can come to beautiful places like this. But in our day to day lives, when we're all so busy. How come we kind of make connexions like that that have meaning that will give us that support? I don't know if we need to make connexions. I think we need to nurture the ones we have because we don't need that many people. We don't actually need a whole village. We just need a handful of people that we can turn to. And even if it's one or two people, you are luckier than most. So I think we actually are taking a lot of our relationships for granted. We're not nurturing them, and that's why we feel quite disconnected. Even if it's a phone call like phone calls are Oh my God, nobody calls each other anymore because there wasn't anything like you think it's an emergency, you know, house burning down. What's that? U S O. It's what sapper voice notes and everything has just become so disconnected to each other. And I know I called my friend the other day and it's not my thing. Toe use the phone either. Just because I was raised that way with my mother and I called her and I felt like all of a sudden like it was something that was so much warmer than WhatsApp or voice notes. And this is a telephone. Before, we used to think telephones are so disconnected from each other. But now I think even moving just so the phone calls are, you know, look doing Botham or Skype or whatever. I think doing that, even with the people that are far. But then also the people that are near I would encourage people to join some of these groups that

Dr Saliha:   10:39
are around

Kelly Harvarde:   10:40
town. If you don't want to come to a support group, necessarily. But you just don't you want to engage with people that have similar likes. There are running groups and rowing groups and, you know, book clubs and art groups. There's all sorts of things that are happening where you can start to find people that you will connect to, and then you deep in that relationship. Yeah, that's a good point there. There are a lot of these groups that are happening. I guess sometimes people just feel a little nervous to go that first time. But everyone feels the same right's first hurdle that you've got to get over exactly. Even the other day I was walking if time allows. I drop my daughter at school and then I go to the beach and I walk up and down the beach or try and run if I'm feeling particularly energised. But I see the same people every time. There's a couple of elderly gentleman that go and they're going to swim together on there's a couple that walk up and down together. There's a couple of younger women and I don't actually speak to them, But we always say Good morning and we say hi and it's a really genuine Hello. We're all kind of a bit good because it's 7 a.m.

Dr Saliha:   11:36
A morale

Kelly Harvarde:   11:36
at the beach and it's a beautiful time of day and I got a lot from that. My husband sometimes teases me, but I get so much from it. Yeah, names, Yes, I should. The guys that swim, I should get to know their names because I always see them. But it's that in itself is Connexion, and it reversed. Shows me alone, even when you're walking through the mall in Islam, they say that even a smile is an act of charity, and that is because there has been an energy exchange. If that happens, you don't need to sit with someone for hours. You just need to feel a heart to heart moment. And even if that's just you walking by and smiling at someone, you felt something in that moment. What is happening now? Our people are even walking and looking at their phones. And so none of these Connexion moments, even when you're supposed just walking in a mall, those are times where you could be connecting and feeling like you belong to something. But because we're so in this virtual world, we feel so lonely and so disconnected. It's very true. I've started being one of those really annoying people that waves of people because I said to my husband, Do we want to live in a community where we don't speak to our neighbours and we don't look, I'm not saying you have to be in everybody else's house with our own lives, but you know, the guy that sweeps the roads. We waved to him every morning we take in water and then, like when the neighbours are coming out, we wave and I sometimes feel like one of those, like over the top Polly honours, and I really try not to be. But it's just like a wave and a smile, like you say it can actually give you so much. But why not be the over the top Polly on our whatever you're just you're not. You know why not. Even the fit feels so weird for other people. But this is what gives you joy. And this is what makes you feel like you're giving back toe the community. But also like getting something in return is that you do go on. It's over. Why not? I would be totally all over that. And there are times when I mean there's a place like the valet guy at the nail place I go to. I see him every two weeks, but every time I see him, I want him to know. I see you and I know you and I connect with you so giving them the water, giving them an extra tip or doing something where you feel like they were seen. You don't know what that means to that person who just feels like they're away from their family. They don't I don't know. I mean, they worked these really long hours and they sit alone all day or they're sweeping alone all day. You don't know what that means to them, and so I think we undervalue our ability to make someone feel really, really loved in

Dr Saliha:   13:59
that moment. E.

Kelly Harvarde:   14:01
I love that concept. I think it's a really beautiful thought when we were doing the fridge and we were giving out the food. And obviously there was a lot of people, and you kind of become in this kind of, you know, who's got the bananas? He's got this. He's got that we're giving things out on. My husband was actually the one that said, he says to everybody that comes, Look, everybody in the eye smile, say hello say, how was your day? Shake the hand like sometimes you can't do all of those things. But make sure you look at people and he always tries to encourage us to remember that I love that because sometimes you just got

Dr Saliha:   14:27
caught up in the moment

Kelly Harvarde:   14:28
and it's just a bit too busy, and I think that is in this day and age when we are in an attention economy, I think giving people even that second where you look at them in the eyes and you smile is probably the most generous thing that you can do for them. So we're coming more open about discussing mental health issues. But there's still quite a lot of barriers to care. For example, in the UK, we're talking about anxiety, depression, how we feel. But then you'll go to the doctor on DH W three month waiting list to see a counsellor, or you can pay to go and see somebody. But it's very expensive, so we're moving forward in a lot of ways. But there's still some barriers, sort of actually getting treatment and getting help. Do you see this changing on? Do you see this? I'm obviously that's the UK is an example here. We're lucky enough to have private health care, but sometimes it doesn't

Dr Saliha:   15:13
cover mental health issues.

Kelly Harvarde:   15:15
So well, I think even here I mean, we have I don't want to tell you the number of a scary amount of people on our waiting list to the point where I'm like, Oh my God, Now we're actually creating programmes for the people on the waiting list while they wait. So let's just give you some coping skills. Let's shore you up until you see a therapist because there's the people that are in therapy and we don't know how long they're gonna be there because that's just how therapy sort of unfolds. So we can't even tell you when we're going to see you. So it's really quite stressful to have that kind of waiting list issue. But even in the U. S. A. They're not that many clinicians, and there's not that many clinics. So there is a long waiting list and definitely long waiting list for people or clinics that the community can trust. And I think there are lots of mean there's. It's quite fragmented what the private sector is going through and what the ministry's air requesting and what the health authorities are requesting. It's so disconnected and it's so frustrating. So I think licencing is a huge issue here. I mean, we would have had all of these villas filled with clinicians that are superior, you know, qualifications, but we are stuck in licencing process is, and so that is not happening at the pace that it could. So there's lots of different barriers that are not just cost related in the U. S. A. For short cost is a big thing, and cost is a big thing, even if you have insurance, because maybe it might not cover all of it. My Amy cover up to a certain

Dr Saliha:   16:45
number or a

Kelly Harvarde:   16:45
certain amount of person seems to bring about some of the other day. I got six sessions and then I have to pay. Yeah, so yeah, so then you've got to sign somehow, realign your budget and try and find the money, and it's expensive. It's really expensive, you know? I pay for my kid's therapy at the lighthouse. Some, like man like that's just a lot of money. But I also know that when we were looking to create our price, points were just going by what the market is asking of us and what pressures we are experiencing and making sure that we can keep our doors open. We can make sure that our highly qualified clinicians are getting paid what they deserve. So there's so many different factors that go into even that cost, because if there was a way I could drop that cost, I would have found it. But we tried to offset it by having more support groups and having workshops and having these kinds of things where people can at least get something where they don't feel like they're drowning. I know that recently you were putting together these sort of group anxiety. Yes, and Sessions Group will come and be in a group, which I thought was a fantastic idea. Yes, so group there b is everywhere in the world except the u A E. And that's just cause I think people are just very private and I just think people need to get over it. So life has become extremely crowded on DH. We're really worried about doing everything right. I'm one of the world's worst for this. We don't listen to our instincts. And then if we do have instincts with end out them and start questioning them, So how can we beam or sort of in tune with that voice within us? Because I think Teo readily we try and kind of squash it or we don't listen to it. So how can we become better at listening to it? Well, first thing, you need to sit still at the pace at which we're moving and the amounts of thoughts that are in our head, you're never gonna hear your intuition. So sitting still and working on mindfulness exercises where you are building the muscle in your frontal lobe to be able to calm these voices down and these thoughts down is going to be absolutely essential. As we move forward. It's no longer something like tree huggers do, and they meditate like this is something that every human being on the planet is going to have to do. At this point, you need to meditate. You need to sit still. The second thing would be, there's a mind thought and a heart's thought, and they come from different places inside of us. So the gut instinct that the one that sort of comes from the centre of us is usually quiet, and it's usually slower in the way it speaks. And it usually doesn't have that much to say usually will just speak in 123 words. And that is going to be your intuition. The other stuff. When you say okay, should I move and you say, Okay, I'm gonna ask my gut that, and then you tap into your gut and the the voice will just say yes or no. And then they're diverted. It did it, did it all of the matching, you know, still coming, taking over. So that is not your intuition. That is not your truth. This is your truth, and you don't know where it's going to lead you. But you, that's your voice. And again it speaks softly. It speaks in 123 words, and it's coming from a deeper place inside of you. Do you meditate every day? I try, too, for the most part. Did this Wasn't it a goal I set for myself in September? And sometimes I can't do it in the morning because I just sort of roll out and run because I work out in the morning. So, you know, I'm sort of in that energy, but I definitely will find a way to do it in the day. There are times where I get some meetings 15 minutes early, and then I'm sitting in my car with my headset on and like meditating. I'm sure people walking by, probably like what is up with this lady. But that started grounds me. So I used these little moments I don't tryto like wait for the cushion and the silence. I try to find a way to just do it in the pace of life. So probably after you leave, I will be doing it because I have a break and behaving this and that. So I just tried to throw it, and wherever I can, rather than great rigid about it. You know, I used to have this whole Yeah, it's got to be for half an hour and it's got her first thing in the morning because that's the best time. And trying that son was like, you real here? I've got six year olds go out the door in the morning. Yes, I've got myself to get out the door in the morning and then I've gotta work. So I mean, I found myself on the toilet on the with the toilet seat down for, like, two minutes. That's it. In between meetings just sitting on breathing. And that, for me, feels it's better than nothing, right? I'm tired of all those little bits. Add up exactly. So, yeah, And then, to be honest, the evenings at a better time for me because when my daughter's asleep, and then when we've had dinner or whatever, when did is in progress. That's the one time when I can sit and have some quiet time. So I used to beat myself up over not doing the morning and the chair and the cushion. But yeah, I let go of that now. Yes, otherwise it would never happen. Exactly. There's no right way in doing this as long as you are doing it. At some point, I also would say that this is another thing I started doing more of, which is another. One of my goals is that I don't look at my phone in times of transition. So if I'm in the car driving somewhere, I will not look at my phone. And in that moment, I am mindful of the stuff around me. I'm looking up at the trees and at the stores that have opened or the clinics that are around. So I'm paying attention to my surroundings when I'm walking in the mall and I look, there's no one looking at me. I'm looking at all of them trying to make some sort of contact, but everybody is sort of looking down at their phone, and I just I don't do that anymore. So even if you're doing something and you're doing on Lee that that is mindfulness and so when you're cooking and you're sort of stirring the pot or I don't know how people cook because I don't cook, I don't know what happened in that space, but, um, there's something hypnotic about that. I imagine I love watching cooking shows like I'm like, assessed with them, looking at a candle flame in between meetings and is sort of zoning out. I look out this window all the time life, and I just sort of zone out to the different cars that are in the tree. And if you would just even do that, you will be more connected to yourself rather than thou. I'm going to focus on my breath and doing that sort of meditation practise mindfulness with everything. You can do everything all day long, mindfully if you are doing just that, so we have a culture of giving here in the U. S. A. Which I absolutely love, and I know that it's something that you really believe in. Can you tell us a bit more about why you think it's important to give on DH where this desire, that you have to kind of serve from when you touched on your childhood and it's just been in eight with a new butt? How does it kind of come out? And how do you feel about it here in the U. A. E. I think all human beings are conditioned not, I think research shows that all human beings are programmed to be generous and to be empathetic. It's Are you nurturing that part of you? Are you cultivating that part of you? So if you suffer, we have mirror neurons. I will suffer also. It's just that some people are not connected to their heart space, and they're more cerebral in their prefrontal cortex. And they're just thinking, thinking, thinking, not feeling. And that's the person that probably is going to be less generous than the one who is connected to their emotion and to their body and to their senses. So I think people just

Dr Saliha:   24:06
I

Kelly Harvarde:   24:06
need to cultivate that part of themselves and know that it is so good for your health. If you know it reduces inflammation. It's a stress reliever of all sorts and creates this positive feelings inside of you. All sorts of research has been done that two groups of people were given money. This one was told to spend it on themselves. This one was told to spend it on someone else and who benefited most or who was happiest. Most was sort of what they were looking for, and the people that spent it on themselves on Lee felt it for the few hours afterwards they felt good, but the people that spent it on someone felt it for 7 to 10 days after. So when you like If you want to feel good, go give to someone and you actually will. I know it's like, Oh, well, I have nothing to give. I'm so tired. No, you still have something to give, Even if it's a smile at someone that's walking by, like I'm doing this with intention that I'm noticing you and I'm sending you my love. That is something that you can do. So I think people just need to nurture that part of themselves. And if you haven't practised a lot of generosity, the only way to build that muscle is to practise a lot of it. So if you want to do something that is the opposite of the state that you are in and there's a lot of people in our holding on to money very tightly and we're quite material and what am I gonna buy for myself and what am I going to do for myself? Like go against that and do the opposite and say Yes, I really want to spend this money on myself and I do this with myself, by the way, because when I'm like trying to, like, tip someone so it's like, Well, what's the normal tip? And then what's above the Timberline Leo? But I could spend that no focus. And so I have this conversation inside. I mean, like, do I really need to give him this much? And then I say, If you have the thought, even just do it and even and then in that moment when I do it, I feel so much better. But there are some people who might not feel so good when they start their journey of generosity they might not feel is good. They might actually feel anxious because stuff creates this illusion of safety. So give anyway. So interesting. You say 7 to 10 days afterwards that before that's incredible. Yes, giving does feel good. And I think that's something you know, sometimes when you give people like, Oh, you're so generous and I'm like, Well, actually, I almost feel like a bit of a fraud because we get so much from it. We feel amazing and anybody that comes and gives with us, We have a kind of kindness group where we meet once a month. It's all our friends from the fridge because we didn't want to wait for Ramadan. So we have a little what's that group? And sometimes we've been to an old people's home or we've been Teo Clinic and done some stuff with the kids and you walk out there and you literally are on such a natural high. Afterwards is the best feeling on connecting with the people in the group who just give me so much life, and it is an amazing feeling, and I think people, if they could tap into that more what you say If it's not something that you do, the feeling that you get from it will make you want to do it again. Yes, I read some research about charity work recently, and it was saying that when people donate, if you donate and you see an immediate result so sometimes you might give money to a civilisation you might just give to somebody in front of you. Because it's a media. It does something to your brain where you want to do it again and you want to do it more because the reaction that you get feeds, you're for sure. And it's also the mirror neurons. When you see relief in someone else's eyes, you experience the relief inside of you also. So for sure, I would say that face to face hand to hand is very different than donating to some organisation, which you can also do. But if you had a choice, serve your community service of people around you and love those people. You have an obligation, I think, to those people our responsibility to those people than you do before. Like before you. I have an obligation to others, but I do think that there's a lot happening in the Middle East, so I consider the whole Middle East my community, and we do need to give to those causes as well. But like I said, and especially with kids, they should be giving from their hands. And even when I have something that I want to give to someone, I have my kids give it because I want them to feel that person sort of lighting up, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes they just maybe feel a bit entitled to it so they don't. The person doesn't give them that feeling, but in any case, get in the habit of giving. Yeah, I definitely agree, and we see that with Children all the time. You know, my daughter were at the beach the other day and there's a group of guys and my mom said, Mama, they don't have any water We should bring some water next time And I just looked at my husband and I was like, That's exactly what we wanted when we were trying to do our community activities like notice people and think about the people. And let's not always be in our little world, where's my colouring book or where's my pens and all the things that little girls want with them all the time, but actually notice other people so and know their suffering. I think a lot of parents even try to protect their kids. They don't want them to see suffering because then they get anxious and the kid's anxious and then the parents anxious. But I think kids should, you know, obviously developmentally appropriate. But they should see the suffering. Our kids are becoming absolutely to entitled. They live in this I generations of iPhone iPad I this I that and I think that we need to sort of get them out of that space. I'm actually quite concerned about the future generations because they're not thinking about others. They're not noticing the suffering, the suffering drives by us. Oftentimes when we see these people and they look exhausted, these labour people that worked all day and now they're going home like, Do you see these people know they don't? It's almost like you. They sort of blur distanced from you. And so I think just paying attention to what's around you and you don't have to see suffering in the poorest of areas. Sometimes you look at a person, but you connect to that person. You realise that person is sad. That person looks lonely and that can be in their schooler in their playground. But look for that. Don't just look for the good things and the happy things that we want our kids to feel all the time. But look for the things that are hurting and feel like you have a duty to that. So you want said on DH? I really love this close. You said my Children a part of my life, but they are not my life. I will give them all that I can Noel, that I am on. It really resonated with me because I'm a working mother and I love what I do. It's not brain surgery, but I do love it. I'm always tormented by guilt as a result of it. Do you ever feel guilty? Do you ever suffer from that about the choices that you've made him? If you do, how do you try and kind of stopped those thoughts and snap out of it for want of a better phrase? Well, this came from a supervisor of mine, and one day I was talking to him about the guilt that I was experiencing because I was at school and my kid was at home and something to that effect. And I remember him saying that in doing what you do, you are teaching your daughter something. So if you take care of yourself, you teach your daughter she needs to take care of herself. Like if you love yourself, you're gonna teach her to do that for herself. And I do believe, as I've gotten older and wiser, that my Children will do as I do not, as I say. And so if I say be kind and be generous and live with purpose and live with meaning and and then I just sit at home and wait for them and to come home and then I don't know what I would do with them. I would probably do their homework and probably get in a fight with them for some something. I just don't think I would be showing them what it means to live my full potential. And this is my potential. I'm not saying every person has to work, or every person has to find meaning in work. There's My mom was not a working mother, and she was like a social worker. I should, you know, everything that was happening in that neighbourhood and that school in that, you know. So for me it's really about what you feel your meaning is. But that meaning has to be bigger than your family. It just has to be. It cannot be that my kids are my project, and that's the only thing I live for and my husband and my kids and my husband and my kids. This is not why you were put here on Earth, and maybe I'll get a lot of heat by saying this. But I will say it. The meaningful life is where you are serving something that is bigger than you, and that is a fact. And that is science, that you need to be connected to something bigger than you. So when I talk to my kids about my work, I talk about the purpose, not the work, not the hours. I'm telling them that Listen, there are people hurting, and I am there as a part of that. And I remember having this conversation with my daughter recently, the older 1 14 year old and I said, you know, and she's very much like me. She feels everything and she gets a little bit awkward when she feels I can. She might start smiling if she's crying. I don't know. It's a bit weird to we need to work on that. But he said, You know, I want to do something like I want to do something that feels right for me And so we talked about like her writing books for kids or teens, and I would call Write these things with her and we would write a book about what it's like to experience maybe a fight with a friend during teenage years and what you can do about it and what that feels like. So she's a writer and she's an introvert. She's not like me while I'm an introvert, but I have the abilities of an extrovert, and I get a lot of energy from that. But she wants to write, and so how do you write and do it in service of someone so you can write storeys and they might take people away into another fictional place. But what are you doing for this world? I always ask yourself this question, like, What am I doing? And so my husband is a consultant but don't talk about consultancy. Talk about what you're doing. You're changing governments. You're changing like you're creating jobs. You're making sure that people have a livelihood. Talk about that. So I think all of us can find some meaning in our work. And if they don't, then they should probably change jobs. But for me, it's always been about I'm not working. I am living my purpose. And this is why I'm here on earth. So maybe one day they'll do that to that sounds fantastic. Fantastic way of explaining. I always tried to say to my daughter, She says to me, Why do you have to go to work? And I never say for money. I mean, obviously that's part of it. She needs to understand that there is a moment of that there. But the first thing I normally say is I go to work because it uses my brain on it, stimulates May and I really enjoy it, and I got a lot of satisfaction from it on DH. I'm not healing people because I'm working in PR, but I still find it very satisfying, meaningful thing that I do and I want her to understand that work different generations ago. Work was something that you had to do. You go out and slogged, and of course, it's still hard slog in many ways. But I get more from it than just the money. That's what I try to explain to her and try and talk about. You know, it's not just the money that pays for this, and that is also about enriching your brain and using the education that I paid an awful lot of money for. That my parents helped me to pay for. And I'm using those things and giving me a life outside of just the family on DH. That's not everybody. But you say everyone's choice is a different, but for me, that's really important, and I kind of want her to understand that. Then she could make whatever choices she wants. But I think what you're saying is what Abraham Maslow, the Maslow hierarchy of needs, that a man must be what he must be, or he will always be unhappy. So you were put on earth with a gift, and that might be to connect people and to speak about things in a way that is creative or whatever your gift might be, you have to use that gift and develop that gift. It doesn't have to be that you have toe heel people. I do think that you need to serve people on some level, but you do that in 100 other ways. But your character strength, your deep value, might be creativity and you're using not and developing that I will share with you what I do and what I what works for me. And I am an extremely hyperactive person who has a very hard time sitting still, unlike my sister, who can sit still for hours at a time. For me, it is very difficult to do that. I think one way or money I'll share with you the ways that I do breathing this heart and brain coherence breathing, which is you breathe in for five you hold and then you breathe out for five and you breathe in for five and you do this 20 times and it takes, I think, three minutes or something. You're doing this and it's not like you're focusing on your breath, but you are just getting your heart and brain incoherence, and that actually reduces a lot of stress and the body and turns on the parasympathetic system and reduces inflammation and all kinds of other good things. Second, I like I said, really, really start to use your phone. Very mindfully. I think if you just do like those two things, you will have bought yourself Time and Connexion, you know, Recently I started my instagram, my professional instagram page, which you know is like a job. I feel like I have to find a job that you hope you have called is it's right. Yeah, it is. You have to think about things that are meaningful and relevant. And right before I started that social media account, I sat for months and months. I started in this dismay. I talked to my husband. I talked to my therapist. I talked myself and like, Why are you doing this like you know, so you can get popularity so you can feel famous or whatever are you doing it for? That was your intention. Are you doing it for money? I don't know how people make money off these things, but maybe I just threw it in there as a possibility. Or are you doing just But the reason I came out with was I feel I have something to say and I say it in a way that makes sense to people. I talk all day long in companies and in schools and community groups. I'm literally out there talking all day long. And why not talk directly to people? Yeah, and doing in a way that is like expanding my reach. So this was the intention I went in with. Then a few weeks ago I was looking at my phone and it was a Friday and I went on instagram But before I went on instagram I my thought wass Oh, you know, I wonder how me likes I got on that post or did I get any new followers? And the second I felt that I felt nauseous. First of all, the second I heard myself, I said, Oh, no, no, no. You are not going down because they're meant to be addictive. They're like built Teo addict diaper main boost, that you got ugly, and I think people can't don't take that seriously enough. But that's probably a whole other blogged about working that into O. R. A whole other podcast, I should say, But I said no. That is not why I'm going to be doing. And I found myself just scrolling through it. You know, if I'm waiting for someone, I have three minutes. Let me just see what's happening. No, that three minutes. I could be just spending sitting doing nothing and that nothing is going to be far more valuable from my body and my brain than its growing through this stuff. That probably is not gonna make me feel good about myself. So I message the person who manages the lighthouse account and helps me manage this and keeps me on track. And I said, Listen, Kat, you're gonna be telling me about your going to send me pictures of all the different comments people are making, I will respond to each comment. You will post that comment and any other things that are happening on there. You will tell me and I will respond. What you can't do is you can't tell me how many likes I got and how many people are following me because that is, I don't want to use money diluting or defusing the purpose with which I began. It's Yeah, it's It's not why I began this. And so if two people are following me and those two people got something out of that, I did it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that's what I started. I just deleted instagram off my phone and that was it. Yeah, that literally that second. And my husband is like, Man, you move fast. I'm like, Well, when I know, I know I don't need to sit on ponder this and the family that I would be really struggling with That tells you the addictive nature things because then that would be like, Well, I really, because I did. I don't know anything that's happening in the world now, because that was my new source, BBC, CNN. Everything was on theirs. And so now I don't know what's happening, but you know what? It's okay. Just know what's happening in your kid's lightly. Agree that that's okay. And my husband is absolutely following every minute of the Trump Impeachment storey at the moment. Thank you saying to me every day. So have you seen this? Have you seen that? And I said, darling, no. And you know that I'm not I'm making a deliberate, concerted decision. I didn't even know those were happily has been impeached yet. And he was like, No, no. Yeah, well, will he ever like? I don't wanna have tto agonise over this issue as well. So drama, and, you know we love it. We love the drama, and I don't I want that for myself. And I cannot tell you so going back to your original question How much time I have? No, I sometimes feel a bit nervous because I'm like, Why do I, like, didn't like something? I phone my calendar like, three times yesterday because I'm like, Why do I have all this time? Like I shouldn't have to this time I don't have time to read this book, but I did all of a sudden time life change a and so moving slower through the day, doing one thing at a time, doing it well, doing things that are really important because if you give your time to this, you don't give your time to that. Let's call it what it is. Breathing, meditating, having a meditation practise. I think these airways, that you really start to feel in control again and days move slower all of a sudden in trust. It's just when I'm sitting in a stoplight doing nothing. The day just gets longer and so tying doesn't look like it's racing the way in which must instantly feel calmer and mole and I fielded and exactly grounded is the right word grounded and connected. And so these are really small. Maybe deleting Instagram is not really starts clad. Big One. I will say that I was fantastic. I was reading something the other day. If I'm husband tried with May, So they were saying Move some of the you know, the icons that on your phone. So move those like the third or fourth screen on DH, put them in a folder because then you've got to really look for them. Exactly. So a long time ago, I moved Facebooked like 3rd 4th page. And then, while ago, I deleted Facebook from my phone. I mean, I still have it on my laptop, but am I going to get up to get my laptop? You know, I'm no. That was very freeing. I think I would struggle with instagram, but I do think hiding it. Mohr Yeah, something that I'm gonna need to dio because you're right. You suddenly and it makes me jittery. And then it makes me self critical because Adam likes, Why do I have to do this? And I've got piles around the house of hundreds of beautiful books that I am dying to read exactly on DH Exactly my time. Be better spent on. But it's Yeah, it's always a challenge and it's the pace. And so, you know, stress relief just comes with slowing down. Slowing down comes with getting off the phone. That's it. And I'm quite, you know, thoughtful about when I checked my e mails and I might cheque you. Milieu. Well, I got the little missus says. I checked them twice a day and then I'll get back to you, which is fantastic. Yeah, I never feel that. It's not that you're not there. It's like I'm here and this is the boundaries that I put in place, and I will respond so on. That was idea mother lesson. I mean, I probably would try to get off of email at some point, but I don't think that will be possible. That's me pushing it, but boundaries definitely. Yeah, yeah, boundaries is definitely the right wife. And my husband said it. He's like, you feel like a very different person. I was like, Yeah, and transplant. Because Mike head is not hot all the time. Like I'm not running at the speed of light. Even the folder that would be on the fourth thing. I would get to it faster than people get to it on their first thing. Because this is just the pace at which I move. Yeah, and my moves like that. Like truly hyperactive diagnosis, a ble hyperactive. And so that pace, I could do a lot of things very, very fast. Yeah, but how sustainable is that? And how good is it for you when it's not serving you and I don't remember anything. Okay, this is it. I started journaling just so I'm like, I need to keep a track of my life because I have no idea what just happened today. And so that has really helped me make the day longer. Also, strangely dressed is if you go back and you say okay. This morning I went here and this afternoon I did this and all Esa said this to me. My son, and then it almost feels like you live that day twice and it just feels longer. It's a very strange thing. Do you do that every day for the most part. But not to be honest, No, not every day. But it is one of my goals. And I actually was doing it because I was actually quite concerned about my memory. I did all of these different things that I'm telling you now in one goal. So I'm not sure what's which. Wanting the most, Yeah. Is it just that I stopped using the phone as often as I was? Or is it that I'm journaling or I don't know, But whatever it is, it's working. Yeah, interesting. I do journal. But I tends to mainly do it when I travel or when I'm on vacation. Although 100% switched off because I obviously have the luxury of time. Make the time. I did do a little bit this morning. Actually, Yeah, maybe the ripeness. And you feel so connected to yourself because you're listening to yourself as you write this Storey about what just happened. And so it's almost like your experience is that someone heard you and someone saw you. Even that someone was you, my friend, A good friend of mine in the UK She wakes up every morning and she does. This isn't free writing. I can't know what it's called. She just literally rights. And sometimes she writes five minutes. Sometimes she writes for 20 minutes. Just obviously depends on her day and what she's got on her schedule. And sometimes when she says, she says, when she reads it back, it didn't It doesn't even really make any sense. You can remember writing it, but she says she's felt such a difference in herself for doing it. There's something like you say about recording something, Yeah, even if it's just for you, which is really powerful. Yes, yeah, good one to incorporate in. Definitely. So your whole life's purpose really involves helping others. Teo achieve their potential on DH. You're always nourishing other people. So who and what nourishes you? How do you make sure that you don't just give everything and then there's there's nothing left. So in this way, I'm actually quite selfish. If I'm not happy, no one is happy, so I have to make sure that I start with me in this way. I mean, obviously there times when I feel like I got nothing left. If my nanny comes and asks me for like, you know our house maid might come and ask me for, like 10 Durham and I might lose it because it's like stop asking may like I have nothing left. Yesterday, I actually said the words, No more questions because I have been asked so many questions. I can't for five minutes, please. Too much. And there's something decisions you have to make in. Each one of them is depleting you on some level. And so there are days where I have that. But overall, my philosophy of life is I will give everything I can, not everything. I am everything and I love studying. I'm a full honoured and proud to say so I if I'm not reading every day something or if I'm not learning something, I start to feel a bit anxious. Maybe it's also like has to do with control. I'm not sure what it has to do with, but I love learning. And so now I enrolled myself. After a year of deliberation, I have enrolled myself in a post graduate diploma course in Zurich. That's young in psychology, and I've always been drawn to Carl Young. And I really just wanted to go to the source. And that's like in the office that he worked out and wow, if I was lying toe the source and so I go for 10 days, you are in the summer. I go for three weeks and I'm alone and I leave my world. And I mean, I touched base with work. But even here, I start tow this year I said, I'm offline this day. This day if you need me, call me. But I'm not checking. I'm not meeting, So I've started drawing some boundaries around that during those periods. But that's what I do for me. I learn and I make presentations, which is like I get like, if you could put me in a room and just say, Hey, can you make a parenting presentation on this? That's it. Like I love it. I love pulling all sorts of things together and presenting them in a way that people can digest like I love it. And so you see, even now I'm like you're like E S O. I think it's an act of creativity also, because my talks are not just, you know, here's a parenting book. Let me translate the parenting book into a talk and that's it. I speak from philosophy and religion and business, and I pulled all of that together. And then I create something. So for me, it's just an exercise that it's so creative. And I think if I wasn't doing that, I would be very unhappy. I'm a creator. In the end, I don't know what about all entrepreneurs, but for me, if I am creating, I am doing something for my for me, And this work just allows me to come up with, you know, innovative ways to serve our community like this group therapy. How are we going to do this and how we gonna get people to, you know, be comfortable with it? What are we going to do for the people that are on our waiting list? I'm constantly in that space, and I feel like I'm doing something for me in that time as long as there's creation involved, and do you feel that having time alone as well is really crucial in being away from people, things, life, yes. And so if you are going to do something alone, I would say Turn off your phone and then you're alone. You know these silent retreats, which I haven't gotten myself to go to any one of these things yet, but I want to try to do that alone. At some point, I wantto go and sit on a beach or I don't know wherever people go on sit. I guess I want to do that and I don't want any books, and I don't want any journals. And I don't want any phone and laptop and email books or struggle with notebook. But this is right. Then you are really another. Then you're really you're no longer with that author who's telling you a storey about something. You are alone with yourself, and I've not done that yet. But that's next on the list somewhere. Actually, it's like on a list. I don't know if it's next on the list, but it's definitely on the list. I believe people crack after about isn't about three or four days. A lot of people crack and have a rial meltdown. Yeah, because it's obviously Obviously you're sitting with yourself for so long. I think Day one and two, it's kind of okay, you're just getting used to it. A bit of a novelty. I've had friends who've gone, and then they've said a lot of people break down around a three and then they leave. They don't necessarily leave, but they will have a huge emotional outpouring. They may want to leave, but sometimes you can't write. If you're flying to India and you're in a forest or you're off the mountain, you can't go anywhere. And then you have to again sit with us. There were 31 thing. An interesting or you're not even allowed to look at the other person in the eyes. Obviously, you commute community much with your eyes, right? Like such a people pleaser. I need to talk to people and connect with them. I want to connect with them and they won't be able to do that. I've done afternoons where I've done that in certain group retreats. When you don't speak for maybe 34 hours and you don't look at people, it's the looking at people that I found almost harder than they're not speaking because now I'm just naturally drawn. You want to look at people, right? Yeah, it's very challenging. Yeah, maybe we should go together and then we can cheat. I'm looking way we'll be, like, winking at each other from, like, the corners of the room. But I really struggle with my books. I have to say, because I always try to go away for five days in the summer on my own, and it's one of the greatest parts of it is curating what I'm going to take, because I know I save certain books to read just when I'm on my own, because I know that I'm gonna really enjoy. And I think that's important. Like there are trips you take tto, learn and just lose yourself and the thing you love, which is reading or learning. Then there needs to be a place where you are completely alone. So I think there's a place for all of these things, and they all are important. So let's see what happens with that. Very exciting. That's a great encouragement. If you watched the Netflix show, you probably watch Netflix. I watch occasion laid the bill's brain, and it's built a bill from Microsoft. Bill Gates. Oh, and it's basically a three parter into sort of how he lives on about how his brain works. Yeah, I don't see that. It's fascinating. It's abso I think you would actually really like it. So it's a fascinating inside sort of how he plunged toe cure polio, for example. You kind of just think, Well, he's got so much money he just threw money at it. It's impossible to cure it, apparently because of the geographical movements. So showed all of that. But it also showed things like every week, every year he takes a week and he calls a reading week and he goes off to some little common that they got in the way he takes his little bag, which is like a kind of reusable spinning him. No, thank you. I saw that. I just loved this whole compound like I've been doing bills meeting weeks. He is, but I don't think I could do it once a year. No, I think you need to do it more often, like the other people like Obama. And I thought Bill Gates didn't more than that. Maybe he doesn't know what it was like every six weeks or every two months or once 1/4 like where you do nothing but learn. And I think I do that already with this union thing that I'm doing. But yeah, there's all sorts of other things I'm really interested in that I would want to learn about, which is what Bill does. He learns about all kinds of random things and those random things then come together to make some sense. I know we created his brain, somehow connects all these things Philtres pop something out at the end that we would never have thought off and see. This is where I think a lot of people when we talk about, like, what can we do, too? You know, cultivate our creativity, don't focus on the thing you know and love. I know you love to read, and we've

Dr Saliha:   54:37
talked about learning. So could you tell me about a book or books that have meant something to you and that have shaped how you live? I'm sure you have a huge list. There was two books, actually. One of them is, like not really well written, and it's a bit cheesy, but the message was great. It's dying to be meat. Oh, yes, but any Anita. Yes, yes, yes. But I really felt it changed my perspective on my power and what I can do, what my mind can do. So that's one. The 2nd 1 is the 40 Rules of Love, which I feel showed me the different way Love plays out and how sod or horrible I don't know what we're to use there, but it is when people have so much hate in their heart and they're so, you know, maybe locked into the dogma and they've completely detached from the spirit of religion. And they're just focus on the judgement judgement part of it. And so for me, it changed my relationship with my religion. And it was at a time when I was already exploring the mystical side of my religion and the spiritual side of that. And so it really shaped the way I felt about my religion and how I will live it. And then the 3rd 1 I would say is anything by Joe Dispenser? Yes, just talking about him the other night. Yeah, and And I think the one that I really like is breaking the habit of being you. I think it was like his first book. Or maybe it wasn't. And that really just talks about. Just what you're doing is a habit like your whole being is a habit right now, like 90% of what we do is unconscious and automatic, right? And so what if you change thought? And what if you try Rose, how you live or how you make an intention about how you're going to live and change the direction of that? And that also made me feel like I was now the person in control of my life, not just this automatic unconscious programme. So yeah, I think those three were probably be the three. I would come and really and thank you all linked to them in the show notes so that people can look them up if they want to read them. That's really helpful. And we've talked a little bit about this. You've touched on your faith like how important is your faith to you? And it is prayer to you? Yes, it is me. And I think prayer is anything that connects you to you and Tru e source. So the language I like to use is that of the source and Connexion and stillness. This is prayer for me. And yes, there's some benefit in doing the prayer the traditional way. But for me, a prayer is when you connect to yourself into the source. And I don't necessarily do that when I'm doing the traditional prayer. But I need my connexion, my prayer. You know, everything we've been told about ourselves has been like it's coming from like a time, which is like, really outdated. And we know so much about our capabilities we know from quantum physics. We know from a P genetics. We know from all of these things that we are not what we think we are. We are way more powerful then what we like. We are the creator, which probably some Muslims are probably gonna not like me saying that although I'm Muslim so I can say it through. But we are the creator of our life, and I think in Islam. If you look under the layers, it actually does say that that when you want to manifest, you have to believe that it already happened and so that is power and I feel very powerful when I'm connected. I know I did all of this because I was connected. Well, so what does spirituality mean to you versus religion? And how do you separate the tour? How do you make a distinction between the two? What would you describe us? Spirituality. For me, I think, is human beings. We have an instinct for the numinous we want. We're drawn to spirit or spiritually. We're drawn to that. Some people, you know, use alcohol or sex or other things tow connect to that spiritual part of them that life force, you know, like in Star Wars. And that, to me, is spirituality. The force is Are you with the force as the force is with you. Religion is a document that tells you how you can connect to the source and the Christians have a way and the Buddhist have away and the Hindus have away and the Muslims have a weight, and it's all the same, you know, all roads leading to the same outcome. Witches connect to the source of all of these religion that people like lost the plot. I have to say it like it is really not about what it is. You realise that, right? It is so you can like. Nothing is arbitrary. Like if he was told that you should do it than it was meant for a spiritual reason. This is why I believe so. When I read religion, I think Why would someone tell me to do this? For example, when we do our would do which is the Washington before the prayer, I was like, Thiss does not make sense like I would. I drove my mother crazy my whole childhood. This wasn't one question. Why? Like I just took a shower two hours ago and just cause I use the bathroom or just cause or I dozed off and now I have to like No, this is not No, I don't want I don't like this anyways. Finally, after when I was, like, 30 or 31 years old, like I learned from someone, I have no idea. But God bless that person because it quiet in that voice inside my head that when you are doing that, would do your hitting literally every meridian point in your body, literally like behind your ears behind your neck, the top of your head in between your toes. We have points, we have it. And when they say go to the elbow, it's not The Meridian Point is not here. It's here. So once you open up all the meridians and then you go and you meditate or pray Now your connexion, this one to be that strong. I know No s o. I know that if they were telling me to do something, there is a spiritual reason for it. And the spiritual reason is how do you connect to the source? That's it. And the force, the force, the source easily. So what's your greatest treatment? I would see the relationships that I have with my family. I'm divorced or I was divorced and I got remarried. And before I got divorced, everybody and their mother, including my mother, We're just I mean, really, I went through a period of complete sort of being shunned, I would, saying by everyone. And the reason why they were saying is that you have three kids and they will come from a broken home. And I said, no, they're going to come from two homes. It's not gonna be broken, this one is whole. And that one his whole. It's just gonna be two of them. So I said, There's no way that everything I do, I do with love and I can't do this with lungs. There's just no way that's going to happen And so that's all I focused on, and that's all. I prayed about it, and that's all I connected with is that this is going to happen with love and my ex husband and him and I was his birthday and surprise party. And like, you know, we are friends. And we both said that no, like whatever issue you how we're gonna sort it out behind the door and in front of the kids, It's going to be that you know about it. Don't worry about this. We're gonna get through this. It's just gonna be a little bit different than what most people have or other people have. But it's not going to be different in the way it feels. It just got me a little bit different in the way logistically, my baby. Exactly. And so people thought I was delusional. They thought, it's never going to happen. And, you know, my ex husband went through a period where he was very angry and very upset, and I just said, No, I will not engage with this And he's just angry and hurt and whatever And so I kept steady on the hold of love and this is where the 40 Rules of Love came in and she was going through something similar. And, you know, so for me was really to stay connected to the love. And then time went on and our relationship healed and we came back stronger. I would say he we have a relationship that probably is more connected now than it was when we were married. You'll be something you're married and I feel connected to his wife. He feels connected to my husband when we have birthday parties like everyone comes together. My father and my mother loved my ex and they loved my husband Now. So for me, I think this was it for me, that healing my relationships with my family and knowing that I have good relationships with my brother and sisters, which they had their difficult times too. But then, like holding on to the love and work out through that and knowing that I have these friends that, you know, we've had our also issues. So working through the issues with love and coming to a place where I can say that I have good relationships with the people in my life, I think that's probably the greatest achievement I'm had. You know, it sounds fantastic, especially in such a such a challenging situation. Yeah, it's a real minefield. Isn't when you're going through something like that to be able to navigate that? Yeah. Come out. The other side is, you know, pretty fantastic. I remember thinking they're gonna write a book about my divorce when I'm done with us. And I haven't written a book about it, but I could, but I've helped, I don't know, 15 families. I would say in the last seven years go through a divorce of love. I never used the word divorce a separation with love, two homes not broken home like it was a mind. Such fear reframe again. Exactly. And from that experience, so many other families where connected and blessed and still did things with love even though they were separated. So no book yet? Not yet. The opposite should try one. Yeah. Gosh. Yeah, the formula is love. Actually, there's nothing I will be

Kelly Harvarde:   1:5:32
back to. Paige is You guys do everything would love, period. This's

Dr Saliha:   1:5:38
why I've never written a book. I'm like everything's been said. I could probably be say it like a different way, but and it's actually quite simple, like 123 and then this is the way to live a good, happy life. It's just completely dropped everything that is disconnecting you from nature, nature, our nature as well as nature. You know, just if you really go backto all of that, we will be happy, like all of these things we've done to complicate our lives. That's the stuff that's making us miserable. So don't spend too much time in that space and stay connected to nature and went to Switzerland and go there every year. But I went to the mountains in Switzerland and this was the first time I've been in something like this. And I felt so small in this big, grand, vast space, and I thought, Oh my God, like I really am quite small, unlike my issues are really quite small and like everything is very small and so it just puts things in perspective lately and you realise that there's everyone is going through something and it's a storey in their head and, like if we just drop all that might just come stay connected to each other, to ourselves and to nature, that's the end of the book. I like to do that. If I'm feeling really overwhelmed, I go to the sea because obviously was their lucky. It's so cosy and obviously understand about engineer. So I just literally go to the sea and just it somewhere because it's so big, so vast. And you, just like you said, you're made to feel small exactly in the power of us just helps get things into perspective completely. Exactly. See, well, that's the end of my questions. I don't know there's anything else that you specifically want to talk about, or anything that you want to cover. I've really loved our chance. So thank you so much. I'm like I said, I can probably talk about a lot of things, but I think we did to cover the most important ones today. Super. No, thank you so much.

Kelly Harvarde:   1:7:27
Thanks so much for listening to the Good Intentions podcast. You can find links to issues and the books that we discussed in the show notes, and you could look for the podcast on Instagram. It's good intentions dot UAE. Please do make sure you subscribe to the podcast. And if you enjoyed this conversation, I would so appreciate a review on whatever platform you're using. It helps more people find out about the podcast. See you next time.