How far will you go to date him? One of the greatest tips we can offer in every one of our podcasts is that we are not experts, but sharing our trial and errors may help you to feel a bit like one! On this SASSover50 episode, we address how long the wait "should" be before getting fully intimate with a new partner (remember, there is no expert answer revealed here, just our experience ;) How Far Will you go to date him?
How far will you go to date him? One of the greatest tips we can offer in every one of our podcasts is that we are not experts, but sharing our trial and errors may help you to feel a bit like one! On this SASSover50 episode, we address how long the wait "should" be before getting fully intimate with a new partner (remember, there is no expert answer revealed here, just our experience ;) How Far Will you go to date him?
Welcome to another episode of sexy and singles over affinity. Welcome to another episode tonight we have Kate and we have Danny and of course my Snow Owl. Okay, so we have some updates because I know that I personally have met a few guys from Bumble in the last couple of weeks. I have some interesting stories and Danny you don't know about one of them. But I promise you it's interesting. And Kate rich ago Kate's gonna have to get a dog tree from mascot Hunter. Yes, my boy I love. He is very excited that I'm here. So he's busy busy. Yes. He wants to give a Auntie kisses. Oh, gosh. Oh, lucky Auntie Danny. I promise you I'd love that job. Okay, so Kate, any recent dates? Anybody new? No recent dates. But I'm talking to a guy on the other coast before? How did that happen? I met him on one of the apps. And do you want to say which apps? Yes. And to our listeners? I do not suggest this app. For newbies, I do not suggest this app. It's Facebook. Okay. Okay. I've heard that. All right. So Facebook dating is very scary. Or the word that Yeah. So I'm a fan of me swiping and liking somebody and then swiping and then toggle because that at least I know that I've approved them. Basically, I like them were on this thing is kind of anybody can message you, you know. And so I get a lot of messages from guys where it's like, it's like, you wake up and you're like, well, let's see what the morning looks like. So it's because you go through the dating part. And now people can find you easier, because if anybody can message you today, but now they've got a new avenue of finding you on Facebook, because of the dating cards that why it's well, okay, so it's like, it's not like match. It's not with Yes, it's like a match or like hinge. So we're in match and hinge. Anybody can message you. So even if you didn't like them, so And these people can message you basically. So through the messenger on face no, no. So it is through. It's just separate. Yeah, it's a separate thing on Facebook. So but you know, I'm a fan of Bing, you have to both like each other. Yeah. To talk. Yeah. That becomes a job to get rid of those people. Yes. And so it's very Danny, it's very entertaining in the morning when I wake up and you see all these matches, and you're like, Alright, I got 2020 likes, let's see. And you're like, Oh, you go through all 20 And you're like, yep, now the more you know. So but anyway, so this guy, actually I was like, oh, okay, I like this one. This one is good looking, you know, checks a bunch of boxes. So anyway, so he lives in Fort Myers and like I said, he checks a bunch of boxes. I like Yeah, we were trying to arrange a meeting and figure that out. So hopefully we will do that soon. And yeah, okay. He's He's relationship you know, he's ready for a relationship. So as we've discussed so many men you know, we're we live down here in South Florida. You know, relationship ready. So this guy definitely is, you know, but obviously, we got to check a few other boxes see with yesterday and he can't do that, you know, until you meet in person, whereas chemistry over texting and video calls and this that thing is one thing actually meeting physically in person is, is another thing, so I'm trying to meet him. We were going to try to meet this weekend, but it's just not gonna work. I don't think so. Maybe next weekend is our next time that we're going to try to meet so because I don't I don't like the pen pal thing as you guys know. Yeah. So I'd rather meet very quickly and hopefully and figure this out whether or not this is long distance, so Right. And anyway, so you know, let's say that's a commitment, you know, in and of itself to have a long distance relationship. Which you know, as you guys know, I'm open to I I've had a long distance relationship. Last one started as a long distance relationship. So I'm open to moving. It's not like I'm locked down here in South Florida, but right person I've moved. Yeah. Right. So it's tough to find somebody in the dating world right now. All all the chemistry with and I'm gonna be with, right. All right. So if the person is two hours away, it's not that bad. I can move. Right? Yeah. Okay, fair enough. Well, good. Well, good luck with that and keep us posted. Danny, last, we talked to you, you kind of were in a good place to chat about your existing relationship is that relationship so going on? No, it's the same. I feel like I'm in a same spot with him than I was when I first started talking about him, which was he didn't really know if he wanted to be in a relationship. And here we go all through all this time. And he really is in that same spot. And so I moved out of my apartment and home it from right Kentucky, okay, yeah, moved to Florida. But before I came down here, I stayed with him for a week, I didn't plan on that I was just going to stay for a day or two, because I still had to wrap up all the loose ends from my apartment that I put into storage. And some of it I actually put in his place. So I would have easy access to it like clothes and stuff that I knew I wouldn't wear here. But were there, whatever. And I ended up being there for a week. And you know, every day it was like, you know, you don't have wild rush. You don't have to rush, you can stay awake. I don't care how long you stay. So anyway, and this has been a pattern all along. When we're together. He's great. And he likes being together. And the minute we're apart, it's like he's forgotten. I am a forgotten person, because he's also just as happy to be alone and go into that world that he goes into. Yeah. And then so I was down here with in that got ready. And my kids came down for a week. And he called a couple of times a day, that first week. And then he didn't he didn't call for a few days. But I figured just because I was with the kids and I really didn't care. But then I heard from him. We hung up the phone, and I just sent him a text and said I miss you. And I didn't hear back which I wasn't necessarily shocked by that or surprised because he doesn't. Anyway, so the next day I sent another text, and it was a joking text. And I got a message saying sorry, I went to Nashville with one of my buddies as well through a rough time. I'll call you tomorrow. Okay, whatever. So then I talked to him, it was it felt so distant. And I'm always on eggshells, because I know you there's no emotional boundary to kind of cannot cross the emotional boundaries. So the conversations get really hard to be had. There's you can't, you can only talk about what each other does in a day, so many times because it's the same thing that we do every day. Yeah, you don't have that intimacy, like you were talking about. Oh, there is nothing, no, nothing. So the conversation was pretty short in so before he hung up, and I was agitated. So I said, are you planning on coming down here? Because we had already talked about we looked at flights for him? This was a surprise question. But because he's so hard for me to talk to I'm I didn't it wasn't a great way to approach it. But anyway, he was he got frustrated that I asked the question, and he was like, I don't know, I hadn't even thought about it. Which wasn't true. Because we either already so anyway, we hung up. I sent a text, he sent a text back and his text back was I know, I can't be the person you want me to be I I'm not an emotion and emotional place right now. Would we not just be better as friends? So there's no expectations. So I'm, I'm showing the text to my kids. And I'm like, is he saying you're supposed to be friends? Yeah, like, you've been waiting for me to tell you this for a long time. And I said, yeah, yeah. So I just didn't respond anymore. So he calls the next day to address, you know, these text messages. And honestly, I don't. So we kind of got to this point where I said, you know, I can't even talk about this anymore. And I like, we're not gonna we're not getting anywhere. And he said, Well, there's no reason to solve all the world's problems tonight. Oh, we'll see what happens. So that's where we're at. He like he called yesterday and I talked to him he didn't know I was in Fort Lauderdale just I don't ever call him I don't and I never have because I've just let him and so he knows I'm down here and then say call tonight I just let the phone go to voicemail because he calls when he feels like it I should be able to talk to him when I feel like it right i i and you should be able to call him and feel comfortable that well and he'll he says you know the phone works both ways, but I don't feel comfortable calling him okay, that's a huge red. It's all black. I don't know that which is why I'm kind of just letting it fizzle. I mean, they're just letting it fizzle. But I don't know what to do about it either. So I was kind of hoping you're about me out that because my, when I left, we left in a good place, we've had a great week, you know, he's stay another day, all the things, arranged all the storage in his place with my stuff in it, you know, he's got some other stuff stashed in closets, whatever knowing that when I go back in town for Derby and all that I wouldn't be staying with him. And so I don't really know where we stand. I've got two Derby events that I told him about and and said, you know, this is something you'd be interested in doing, thinking he would, because we are a couple, a couple. And I didn't get a commitment. And that was a couple of weeks ago. But that's him. He doesn't commit to anything until the week before. But now I'm kind of like, I don't really want to take him down to one a man that can commit to you. You say, Yes, I want to go with you, Danny. i Yeah, the answer is yes, it has forced me to make some steps that for the past five years, I have not been able to take it, I have become more comfortable with being independent, I have always been an independent person until my divorce and snapped. I don't know what happened. But anyway, so I've learned some things about myself. And it's also pushed me to go back to the person I used to be, which was only anybody. So I've allowed myself to have the comfort of knowing there is somebody that I know, he cares about me, he can't he's not filling me up the way I want to be filled up by a man. But it got me he's kind of sitting over there. So have a little bit of that safety net that lets me breathe and not panic over being alone. While I'm being alone, right? I'm tired of it. Like at this point. I've heard of it. I don't know why it's not easier than this. Okay, so you can't have a conversation, hey, you need to know what you want to do with this relationship. You need to figure that out. So if you want to stay in this relationship and move forward in this relationship, great. If you don't, if you just want to walk away from it, you need to figure that out. What do you want? And that's what you need to figure out? And then once you figured that out at answer, then you have to have that conversation with him whether or not you you're walking away from the relationship, you have to have conversation, being adult basically, don't just let it fizzle out and feed those to each other. You know, at this point, you guys had a relationship? Like really? I don't want to I don't mean it like that. I'm not going to like like, I'll call him tomorrow. Okay, but, um, I guess, maybe there's a little bit of me that's trying to keep him at arm's length, just so he's there. And we do talk, but we don't we don't have I mean, our conversations are nothing more than friends friendship based. But to have somebody that can't even say I miss you, too. And it's stupid text. That's too much like he's got some stuff he needs to fix. Because that's, that's not you can't say that. I mean, I'm sorry. You've got he's got some issues if he can't, right, I agree. And you deserve to be with somebody said, I met you a while and I did. I said to him, I said, you know, when I'm when I'm sorry about that. And I said it feels very unkind to know that you can't just say that to me. I said, I know that I'm worth far more than any of that. And he agreed. So when he's fun, he's fun when he's not in the mood, or he's preoccupied. He's, he's not fun. Okay, so Wait, when did you all actually first start kind of like being more dating? I mean, when did you? Yeah. When was your first date? I mean, roughly, you know, was are we talking six months, eight months, three months? I can't remember how long I feel like DC would have been last St. Patrick's Day. However, our first date date was, I mean, I've known him for a year and a half. And yeah, we had such a different dynamic. Our friends are so different. Right? Right. Right. Yeah. Even relationships material. I don't he's not somebody I'm going to end up with. Right. Okay. So why do you feel such a sense of obligation? Well, I don't, I don't necessarily care about the couple's thing, right? Because I don't actually have to All spelling but there's enough people that I'll have fun anyway. I don't know. It just gets harder and harder to talk to him. Because the conversations don't ever go anywhere. Because there's nothing to talk about. There's no substance, there's no intimacy in the conversation. It's the same thing that that's been lacking. And unfortunately, you're right, that's probably not going to change. So it is what it is. And if you're okay with that to pass the time, then then use that to pass the time at least it at least you're being honest with yourself saying I'm not going to end up with them. I know that so at least you know where that is. But he is, you know, it's nice to have a plus one on certain things. So, you know, because he keeps in his mind thinking that because I say I miss him that means I want more right? And it doesn't. I think it's going to fade out on its own Since you've moved, because I think you are going to meet more people and do different things and so forth. I mean, I surely if I was dating a guy and he moved to another state, the first thing on my mind would be our relationships. Probably not going to make it through this. It's not it's not close. Now. That's exactly what everybody at home has said. Like, y'all aren't dating, you just moved to Florida. And I know he's, you know, he's filling the void and stuff. So I get it, but I hope you don't. And I don't think you would, you wouldn't exclude any options if you met a great guy. Oh, you'd be okay with it. That's what I mean. So, so he's just really your plus one. Like, trying to make up a different name for him. But there's somebody here that that I've I've actually met him one other time when I was here. First time was not a good first impression. It was a bad night. But this it was happenstance that he came by when we were all talking. And we ended up we all hung out for a while. And we had a great time. So Oh, good. So there could be Hey, you know what I mean? But yes, I am not closing any doors. Okay. All the doors of opportunity are wide open. Good. I'm glad. That's good. So with my last relationship, I was just exhausted and tired of not knowing worse. Yeah. And if I don't know where I stand in a relationship, and I can't have that conversation with with my partner. Yeah. Yeah. So I think that's a very hard answer. But I think, well, I mean, I know we're talking a lot about it. But I think a lot of people sit in this same spot, but continue on in a relationship, not being honest about this exact thing. Like, I know where he stands with me, and I have to face the fact that he's not going to be emotional, and he's not, and he doesn't show me that he cares about me. And that's sometimes I'm like, Are you being a dumbass because you know this and you don't want it. But there, I do also know that it's been a safety net, to allow me to take the baby steps that I need to take to be okay over here, which I think is okay, sometimes. But I think it's sometimes you got to put your big girl pants on and be like, I gotta do this on my own, as well. And I think that also, in a lot of ways, I feel like, as long as you're connected to him, you're not going to be able to allow the right person in your life, or that person's not gonna come in your life, you know, so I've gone with you, l so well, you know, after talking to so many people, all my friends are like, you just have to stop being so picky and all that. So I had a date with someone from Bumble. And, you know, I, I'm gonna make it a short story and just say it because it is I want to just wrap that part up. But I'll call him John, just to keep it simple. So I mentioned the podcast. And he seemed to think that every question I had for him was geared around that, like, I was trying to get information and report back and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, no, of course not. I mean, no, I was being forthright with you by telling you about the podcast. So absolutely. That is not why. And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, and he was much more handsome than I thought he was going to be and so forth. But anyway, he was very nice guy. You seem pretty likable and everything. I started just asking random questions like, you know, Coke or Pepsi, or, you know, toilet paper over the roll or under the roll or, you know, whatever. I was asking just random things. And then I asked him ever been arrested? Oh, even Hunter had something to say about that. So he said, no comment, and then my Oh, okay. More than once. Hunter is like really getting this, but I said more more than once. And he said, No comment. And I was like, oh, you know, who have I invited into my home, you know, so I'm trying to just play it cool. And I'm like, Okay, well, was it a fella? It was a long time ago. I don't want to talk about like, Okay, I mean, was it a felony or an assault or anything? And he said, No, he said, it was a DUI. Okay, I just, it was a long time ago, and I want to go back anyway, he wanted to leave shortly thereafter, which I thought was very weird. Because before that, I mean, he brought me flowers, and oh, you know, all these compliments and all these great things. Everything was going well, but it was just very strange how it just kind of faded out suddenly. So I asked him, or are you squirting your dog with water? Because he was trying to get a food? Oh, okay. Good. So I, I could just sense that things definitely changed as after I asked that question. So the long story to make it shorter is I was not going to hear back from him, I suppose. Because he left shortly thereafter. He said he was just like, he saw me yawn, which he did. I was exhausted. But he said Ilan message, but it wasn't on my checks. So I thought, let me get back on Bumble, because I'm so surprised. I haven't heard from, you know, one way or the other, I could tell, you know, he left and he kissed me goodbye and all that. But I mean, I thought things might have gotten hot and heavy a little bit. But that after that question now, so I decided I was gonna check them out a little bit in public records. And I saw that he actually was arrested a year and a half ago. Oh, for abuse against his girlfriend, his live in girlfriend. Yeah, in the car, and he actually had to wear an ankle monitor. And anyway, I gave him my word that I would never talk about any of this stuff. Well, he didn't. He lied to me. I don't care, I owe you nothing. So if you happen to listen to podcasts, and you're listening, buddy, too bad, at least I'm not saying his real name. I didn't like the fact that he lied to me, don't tell me something happened 20 years ago, and it was a DUI when you know, were arrested for assault to your girlfriend, and you had to wear an ankle monitor a year and a half ago. So that's not gonna fly. So then that kind of made me very wary. And I was like, You know what, I'm getting off Bumble. And the next morning, I think it was yeah, the next morning, I woke up, maybe it was like a week later or something. I think I decided, You know what, I'm just gonna get off the dating apps and stuff and just focus on the real life thing. So I got I'm gonna delete my account on Bumble. So I'm like, Well, let me just go through and see if there's anybody interesting. And I found somebody interesting. And I was like, swipe on him. So then I'm not quite ready. Yeah. Everything. I know. Well, I was traveling to town. And I was like, I feel like I'm, you know, we hit it off on the phone, we end up talking about this app. And then I got my gosh, I'm going out of town for a week. And I feel like I need to meet him before I go. Because the rule is, my rule I stick with my rule is you meet in that three to five day window, really, we say three to a week, but I say three to five, I say two to five days, honestly, meet him soon. Because otherwise, they're going to meet somebody else. Or maybe I'll meet somebody else. Or maybe you lose that excitement. So I mean, it was just one day that we had talked. And the next morning, I was like before I go out of town. So I actually texted him like, Hey, if you want to get together, you know, before I leave. So we did. And we hung out for a couple of hours and hit it off. And you know, really nice guy. And I'll call him Sean. So Sean is he's a very nice guy. And we've gone out a couple times and had a lot of fun. But my point is, I guess that you don't know. And sometimes I'm like, I hardly ever go on the app. But I really get one there. When I'm really thinking there's gotta be somebody. So the meanwhile I had a friend who wanted to introduce me to somebody. So the date I showed you guys a picture about and told you about. So that was the day that was the day before yesterday. So that was not a love connection or anything. There's another guy that I actually had a date with a couple of, gosh, Your Honor Roll Woman Well, well, now I didn't get I didn't actually go on this one. And hey, I've been in dry season for a while. So I deserve a little rolling. Yes, but I wanted to. Okay, so the one that I was going to go out with the night before that I actually I believe that all and because I think he was I couldn't think he was a player. But I didn't get that relationship vibe. And I'm like, I'm not gonna waste my time with anybody who if they're just looking for something casual. That's fine if I am, but I'm not so but I wanted to address what we were saying. As far as like, guys, they're letting us know where we stand. So the guy had the date with that, you know, a few dates that you know, Shawn, I told him just point blank. I'm like, Hey, I just want you to know, this is why the phone before we even met, I said I want you to know I'm looking for a relationship. I don't know what you're looking for. But I'm letting you know. I'm very transparent. That's what I'm looking for. I'm not saying it has to happen instantly. I'm not necessarily looking for marriage. I'm not opposed to it in the future, but I definitely don't need it. So he knew where it was coming from from the get go. But at least it knows where I am like, I don't want to scare him away. And I hope it didn't. But hey, anyway, so that's my, I've had a little bit of action to that. I think he kind of like laughed it off. He still wants to see me so he knows where I stand. Let me just back up at the end of our date. We actually met at this place. He didn't pick me up because I was on my way out anyway. But our cars were parked near each other. When we walked to our cars, we went to his car for a little bit and just you know kiss a little bit and stuff. And you know, I enjoy talking to him. I actually have a better time. The more time I spend with him the more I actually like him because he's got a little wild side which I like he Oh, I left his car went to my car about 1015 minutes later, I'm driving home. I'm literally like a half mile from my house and I'm like, where's my phone? My phone? I left in his car? Oh, yeah. So like, holy crap. A I had a date the next day and I was so worried that my date message would pop up with my son Green, I haven't a code, but you get the brief messages. So what if there was a message can't wait till tomorrow, you know, so I was a little worried about that. But more importantly, I want my phone, you know, so and what made me even think about it was That's unusual for Shawn not to text me, you know, after I leave because usually there's a fun message, you know, I had a great time or something and there was no ping on my phone like, where's my phone? Where's my phone on My holy crap? It's in his car. So what can I do? I don't know his number. I mean, does anybody save no or memorize numbers anymore now that I didn't have a phone to call on if I wanted to. So I was like, okay, I can drive to his house where I had gone on our second date, and we had dinner and stuff at his place. But I thank God, I can't remember where he lives. Yeah, I had to show up at his door without any notice, you know, it is like, hi, it's owl. So he comes down, he opens up the door. He's like, Hi. And I said, I'm so sorry. I can't believe I left my phone in your car. He's like, Oh, no, really. And I was like, I'm so embarrassed. So thank God, my phone was in his car. And that was that. But you know, I didn't say much longer but but yeah, that was just kind of a funny thing. I'm like, Oh my gosh, how embarrassing you know, I don't know what's gonna happen. So I'm, I'm keeping my options open. You know? How are you? Like, I don't want to go on a lot of first dates, but I tend to be the kissing bandit. Date I'll make out. Okay, like, I love to make out with people, apparently. But I even when I first got my divorce, I referred to there's a state judge called my drunken slept face because Oh, Ma, I mean, I it was bad. Like I was bad. Yeah, but I don't feel like I don't think I have a rule. Yeah. Do it. Yeah, yeah. And you don't have to, you don't have to, you know, and I've heard other people talk about it, or present the situation in a way that says, I want to get to know you. And I, you know, I am I am dating people. But when I find somebody that I'm attracted to, I like to put my focus on that one person and give that a shot before I start to date somebody else. So sort of making it a linear dating, linear dating situation, without it being a relationship or a commitment. It's just, if Okay, phase in our lives, where if I'm gonna give you my time, I want to know that we're doing this together. And if it doesn't work out after a week, it doesn't work out. But so how do you? How do you integrate him to say the same because I can do that. And that's kind of what I was doing. I actually think that it was a dating a male dating coach. And in for him, he said, he likes to at the same time that you're kind of asking people, what they're looking for a relationship or whatever. That was one of the ways that he leads in with their dating style. Yeah. What is your dating? So are you dating multiple? I don't have enough prospects to date multiple people at one time. So that's not a problem. But I mean, and I don't know how many people out there actually do. Well, you just and you went through that? I usually don't. I usually just say one person at a time. This is new to me. Yeah. I don't usually date multiple people cake does, but I don't. Sometimes. It's very slow right now. And there's only one right now. So I'll see if I can come up with some more entertaining stories. I do want to say when I broach that topic of relationship before we even met, so I just I assumed that I wasn't going to really like Oh, I'm so used to not, you know, I meet these guys. And I'm like, they're not what I want, you know, whatever. But you know, off so it's fine with that. No, it didn't. That's right. That's how I look at it. And also the other thing is, I said, I want to put this out here, because I've heard this a couple of times. Now. I'm like, so I think you're two years younger than I am. You say you're 54 He's like, No, I'm 62. And I'm like, Oh, he said you but you can't change your age on Bumble. And I've heard that before. And I said, he said my friends told me to do that. Otherwise, I was gonna get a lot of older women. And then I was like, Okay, well, thank you for being honest with me. So as I had talked to my other friends, like, you know, elle, you got to stop being so picky, you know, and, and so there were a couple of boxes. He did not check and I knew he didn't check and I was like, I'm so I want to meet him. And I'm glad I did. So I just can't predict anything anymore. I feel like that. I'm so worth it. Like, I agree with you. Life is unpredictable. It is and I feel like with all the bad luck I've had in in that department, like my 17 year marital anniversary would have been the same night that we were out the other night and I gotta say, you know, I was feeling I was in my feelings. It if you will, and I was so I was grateful to be out with him. And but I thought this isn't what I wanted, you know, I wanted my marriage to work out. And I digress sometimes because I think, did I do the right thing? You know, I'm second guessing myself. And that's been a question in my mind anyway. But obviously I didn't I mean, you know, this. So I listening to you talk about all of those scenarios and your situations, like it has given me anxiety. I have a lot of anxiety. I want a relationship, because I'm hearing her talk about it. And I'm thinking, Oh, that's a whole lot of stuff to be thinking about. I don't think I'm there. Like I those things don't occur to me. It's literally making me feel anxious. I'm sorry. No, no, no, I can try and figure something out about myself here. But if it I don't think I think I don't know, if you overthink things, you know, like, like L you know, I think you have caught I think I had I don't overthink, I think I had because I'm a technical person. So I'm always thinking, what is the end result? And that's just my nature, technical people think that way, what's the end result? You want to know? It equals what a plus b equals what? And you want to know? So that's why relationships are organic rice, right? You know that it's not a to z, always so. And you're never going to know if it's A to Z was a different equation each time? Yeah. What is this whole all this anxiety and all this stressing about? You know, when you should sleep with this guy? What if you go down the path and you sleep with him? And this horrible, right? Yeah. Well, or, or, or if it was great. It only add to the relationship if it's great. Yeah. So guess what? I kind of feel like just do it. Right. I have a question. All right. What is next? I don't know what bed sex when? When there's so many. When you can't feel them? For what? Okay, when they come to us? We Yeah, yeah. When when they come too soon, and you're still like, Hey, hang on. I don't think I could mark that against them. Especially the first time because you just never know what's gonna happen. Like, yeah, I think it would take me a few times to decide that was good or bad sex. Yeah, I think same will give them that second try and Kate Yeah. They may not be much of a giver upfront because there's too many. Like, there's a lot of nervousness and yeah, because I need a giver but I don't know that they're always going to be a giver at first with a lot of gamers, okay. And I've been fortunate enough to be the saint but anyway, I we have gone way over it's like two and a half hours, I'm gonna be editing to this thing. And so and I really want to talk about the hormone thing because I mean, we have to, you know, we have to talk about that subject because a lot of us are going through and I wanted to talk about like changes in our bodies. Okay, ladies, we're gonna wrap up this episode, listeners. Thanks for joining nice shout SAS over fifty@gmail.com Follow us on Instagram, SAS over 50 We appreciate it. Thank you. Bye bye.