S2-Ep11: Should Kate Travel For Sex?

In this Episode, Should Kate Travel for Sex,  our SASSover50 Sexy And Single Sisters break down Kate's dilemma to travel or not to travel, to share time with a "great guy", but someone who just misses the mark in Kate's wishlist. Kate shares what specifically the issue is and why it may be a non-negotiable, or is it? Let us know what YOU THINK after listening to the Pod YES she should, or NO, she shouldn't.

As always, we're humbled by your positive REVIEWS and hope you'll share our podcast w/ other Sexy And Single Sisters (or Misters!)

Follow us on Instagram
Like us on FB
FOLLOW us on Apple, Spotify, Iheart, Google, Amazon, or on whichever platform you listen!

Stay SASSY Y'all!
Elle, Kate, & Dani
SASSover50@gmail.com

Gratitude as always to amazing artist LODATO who graciously donated his music royalty free!  If you haven't heard the full version HOME yet, have a listen here!  All of his music is worth adding to your playlist!

PS.  If you're reading this, know that some great (and fun) announcements are coming up!  You're talking and we're  listening!

jd8E2oGr5WrCDTpWTCF8

Transcript

Unknown: 0:06

Welcome to another episode of Sexy And Single Sisters over 50! Welcome to another episode! Kate has some interesting information she's going to be sharing. And of course, we have our lovely Dani with us today. And I'm Elle welcome listeners. So go ahead, Kate, you're gonna take this away. So I actually need some dating advice from you, lady. So here's my question to you. Alright, so a little background, I was talking to this guy that lives on the other coast of Florida. And we met he came over and we met, and I don't know exactly if He's my type. So here's my question to you. I'm supposed to go see him tomorrow for two days. But he's way lighter than my normal type of guy. So you guys know my type is usually about six foot or taller. Yeah. And he they're usually you know, one. Right now they're not know. So there's like at least six foot and at least 190 pounds to 210 is usually my type. So big boys is what I like. And so this guy when I met him, I thought it was about 175 pounds and six foot tall. So taller you. So I'm five foot eight, and I'm six foot in heels. Right. So I mean, just to put it into perspective, it's not that you are not wanting like have something against smaller guys, you just are a very tall woman who kind of it would look odd to have two very thin people next to each other. I mean, I'm just picturing Yeah, like, yeah, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. And then so that's kind of so we he left, and he's such a nice guy, girls, I He's really nice, like, and he's a good hearted, genuine guy that every woman is searching for. He ain't that guy. You know, I just don't know if he's physically my case. And here's so we got chatting this week. And he finally told me how much he weighs. And I thought it was 175. He's actually 165. And to give you an idea, I'm five foot eight. And I'm 145. Okay, so I'm in shape. You know, I'm fit right? In all that. So, but a little more, but how many inches? How tall is he? He's four inches taller. He's six feet tall and 20 pounds. Only 20 pounds heavier. Wooh, yeah, that's, that's a runner's body. But now, Kate, you happen to mention to me that he kind of brought up it's almost like he sensed that you had a disappointment about it. You didn't say anything? I'm sure because it was a first date. But how do you think he was? That's a very unusual thing for a guy to kind of come back and say, you know, hey, I'm trying to didn't you tell me he mentioned something to you? Yeah. So he, so after he left, and a few days after he basically, you know, he could, you know, in our conversations, basically, since that, you know, he may not be my body type, he may not be my body type. And he did ask me that question. He did actually ask, he's like, can I ask you if I am your body type. And one reason why he also asked me that, you know, obviously, you know, he felt something for me, but is his last girlfriend. He wasn't her body type either. She's into the muscle guys as well. And bigger guys. So this is already hits home for him. And so, you know, I basically said to him, you know, while you're not my body type, I just know he's lighter right now, because of everything, stress and anxiety and all this stuff that he's just gone through. So, you know, like a lot of people, some people eat when they're stressed and have anxiety and some people don't, I'm one of those people that if I, you know, have anxiety and stress, I don't eat, you know, so he even said that he's lighter than normally. So. But my question, so I've asked a couple of my muscle guy friends basically like, like, realistically how much muscle could this guy put on him? And you know, at 51 years old, you know, and I was just talking to a friend of mine right now. And before we just got on this podcast, and he was he had COVID Last September, I think it was COVID. And he lost 3040 pounds of muscle. He lost 40 pounds of muscle because of COVID. And so now he dropped down to like 185 from 230 pounds. And so he said he's at 209 right now, and he still needs to add about 17 pounds of muscle and he's like, hey, you know, I'm struggling to put on the weight right now. And you know, in on shoveling and food eating protein to get to 209 and you know, and here's somebody that knows how to lift and eat to get body mass. He's having problems putting on muscle mass and and he's got 17 pounds of muscle that he wants to put on. And so, you know, here I've got this guy that hasn't been in the waitlist lifting world. And you know, realistically, he's telling me he's willing to put on muscle mass. And I'm just like, I don't know, realistically, yeah, he can, he could probably put on 10 pounds. Yeah, but I just don't know if he's gonna put on 20 pounds in get to 185 at least and it is for me is 185. So gonna be light? So I'm gonna cut straight to the next question. Because I think that if you're going there to spend two days, does that mean two nights and you're staying in his place? Have you had sex? No, we haven't had sex. And here's the weird thing. I'll tell you ladies. So when he was here to two things, so he he kept his shirt on the whole time. Okay, so, and I think it's twofold because I think one he realizes he is like, and to me, he's got a lot of tattoos. And he's probably unsure where I stand there, and all this stuff. So. So my question to you guys would be sorry, I've got two nights. And he's got what he's got is, yeah, I'm gonna stay on. Basically, he's got a Random House. So I would stay at his rental house, which is nearby his main house. So I'm not necessarily necessarily staying with him, per se. Now, if everything works out, yeah, you know, he can stay with me or whatever. So we're not necessarily in the same house. But my question is, do I even go over there to figure all this out? Or am I just just call it a day and don't even go, you know, I'm just torn. Like, he's such a nice guy. I'm leaning, I'm waiting to the ladder. So here's the question I have for you is, well, if you have to, in my mind, consider this as he will not put the weight on and how would you feel 60 days from now? And he just made it to 10 pounds, because there's not much difference between that and somebody that you think needs to lose 20 pounds, and they never do? Right? I was thinking the same thing. Yeah. best intentions? Yeah. But I guess body style as it is today is a deal breaker for you. And you can't imagine like did you hug him? Did he feel bony? Like yeah, frail? Yeah, crush him if you're on top of him. Yeah. Like, I felt like I felt so he felt good. And I just, you know, and as you guys know, my ex husband, you know, with six, six, and I don't know how much he weighed when he was, I did not know that. Or your exercise was six. Yeah. Are you serious? I imagined like a small fella. Okay, well, but he was small. You know, he was six, six. I don't know how much he weighed. I can't even remember. But he was like, thin, you know. So that was dead. Thin is definitely not my body. Now, I have definitely learned I meet in the middle guys. That's it. Right? So that's a non negotiable? Yeah, I'd say I'm definitely with Danny on this, I would say cut the losses, don't lay them on. Just say, you know, I wish I had chemistry. I'm just trying to be fair. And you know, I don't want you to change for me, and I wouldn't want to change for anybody. And you're going to meet somebody great. And honestly, the distance is going to be a little too much. So you can kind of push on that just so it doesn't hurt his feelings as much. I mean, I've done that with somebody who's just I'm in one county and then tampers in the other. And then like it's just a little bit further. It's not really the case necessarily. Yeah, I just needed a way of not hurting his feelings so much, you know, came to me it's not his his thinness or his his small frame or whatever. His weight is no different than we go and meet somebody that we expect to be taller than us. And they're the same height and we're like, oh, no, that's not important. Right? Like another physical characteristic. Yeah, totally. Sounds like a nice guy. Oh, he's an amazing guy. He is a guy that every woman would want. He like genuine, he's good hearted. Like, he's such a great guy. So which makes it even harder for me. It's like, but for me, I know that I need that attraction, super attraction. So like, I don't know if I have it with him. So I'm kinda like that's why I'm like, you know, I don't know I don't want to get there. Like are you thinking about sex wise if you went there and it turned into that like in you were enjoying dinner because he's this nice guy and you're having some wine or whatever are you thinking it could get to a point where one thing is leading to another and you have to make a decision of whether or not you can actually have sex with this man or see him naked or or the tables gonna be charming. He's gonna go Wait, I gotta turn the lights out. And you're hoping that it doesn't that his unit doesn't match the overall profile. Say He kind of we messed around a little bit, and that's okay. There's no issue there. Oh, yeah, no problem there would be very happy there. Yeah, I know. He's, he's definitely Yeah, fine. Okay, well, that's good. I'm just, you know, okay, do I go there and worst case scenario, you know, we just have, you know, 48 hours of a great time together, you know, or I just, I just don't want to get there and be like, wah, wah, you know, and then I'm stuck for 48 hours, you know, yeah. So one thing that I listened to this week that I thought was interesting from a, it was actually it was a dating coach, and she was talking about how we have, we are all too picky. Now, I'm not saying I agree, I'm just repeating whatever, we're all that we are all very picky. And that we human nature has us stuck in a place that we are familiar with, which was dating in our 20s. And so when we are out looking for someone that we're attracted to, we're still attracted to the person that we were looking for in our 20s. And she said, what it'd be interesting is if you go and you look, and you look around it at a lot of men, and we always kind of turn and go, Where did their hair go? Why did they have a pot belly? Why do they have all these things? Because we are still expecting men with hair and trim bodies, and not the dad bod and all the things that work. And um, she even said that when she was talking about herself that, you know, I was sitting in now, she was looking at her union classroom union pictures or something and going, Oh, they look old. They look good. She said, and I turned to my kid and said, Do I look this old? And she said, for the first time, I realized I'm that old? Yeah. Because to us, we're still young. However, some of us have maybe done a better job at aging than others, and put some effort into it. Right. But are you so how do we adjust? Because people say that all the time? We're so picky. We're so picky. And I think there are things that we can bend on. But I don't know how you overcome physical attraction. Yeah, I don't think you do. You know, and I think you have to have physical attraction. And I know that in my marriage, so for me, physical attraction is a very important thing. And without it, yeah, it's a no go. And something I learned from my last relationship is we had super attraction on both both sides, you know, so like, I would look at him and I was like, I want to rip your clothes off, where my ex husband? Yeah, keep your clothes on, stay away from me kind of thing. You know. I was physically attracted to him. So I know that and they both have totally different body types. As I told you guys earlier, you know, like ex husband called beanpole and last boyfriend, you know, six foot mess of that. So I just, yeah, I think I've got to realize maybe you're right, Danny, you know, he's not going to be able to get a look at it as like, he's not going to be able to put the 20 pounds on and if he does put the 20 pounds on, is he able to keep it since he's not been in that world? You know, I've been lifting since I was 16. I've been in the gym since I was 16. So it's like, basically my lifestyle. So for me to not go to the gym, you know, for a year is yeah, that's that has happened in 30 years, you know, so let me ask you this question. If you I'm asking this based on the situation that happened with the person that when I met him, I said, He's not my type. There's nothing about this man. It's my type physically. And then I spent more time with him in a group and the charm and all the things that was he the Baldwin? Yes, yeah, that the personality brought out, won me over. And it didn't matter that I thought he either needed hair or to lose weight. I was attracted to him then because I just thought he was a charmer. So if you went and spent a couple of days, what are the chances that this man that every woman would want because he's so awesome, would kind of turn you into a fan? So funny, you asked me that question. So the last boyfriend, the muscle guy, so when I was living in Atlanta at that, at that point, and I had matched with him on Bumble, and while I was down in Fort Lauderdale, or Miami, and then you know, I came down, I flew down for 48 hours and met him and when that weekend when I left, I wasn't sure if I was attracted to him. You know, obviously we did for three years. And you know, I got those feelings exactly like you said, you know, so he won me over kind of thing. So, yes, it's possible, but I'd still like so that's why I'm kinda like, Well, should it put in the 48 hours with this guy? Just at least the you know, give him a shot kind of thing. or, you know, just cut my last new adventure. I mean, could be and if you have your own place, it's not like you're obligated to spend 24/7 I would check out that rental spot and just make sure he really has a rental spot. Because yeah, yeah, yes. Yeah. He's he honestly. very trustworthy, very trustworthy, telling you, there's no no no need on this one, you know, and you know me, I need to check everybody out, you know, so and yeah, this one trust me is? Yeah, he's a good one. Oh, good. Yeah. All right. That's it makes it even harder lady. So I know. That's why I'm thinking, Okay, if you gave yourself first of all, you've already put some time into this gentleman anyway. Yeah, and but I also can relate, like, if you're, if you're kind of cringing over what it's going to be like, in bed, I can see I've obviously found he's smiling. Now, I would take advantage of a good deck. I'm sorry, but maybe you could ask Cece, when you see her next, she's pretty good at assessing those things. Because she'll you know, she can put it in perspective and say, oh, you know, give the guy a chance. You never know. Or, hey, you know, it's an adventure or, you know, maybe there's something else you can get out of it or whatever. But you never know what she has remained friends with a lot of her dates, so he could end up being this awesome friend, you know, mystery. So you can use the distance as the deal breaker ultimately. So you could give them that chance. And look, as I've said many times, my husband was absolutely not my type. And it's funny, Danny, you said that about about the person saying about high school and all that because I did have a type, you know, dark and Italian and my husband was the opposite, which is why I wasn't like initially attracted to him. And then the more I got to know is like, I kind of liked this guy. I ended up marrying him. So you never know. But it might if you have some better plans, then you know, that's one thing but if you don't have any other plans, why not? What do you have to lose? True? So maybe so maybe I'm gathering from you ladies is go from the 48 hours with them and make a decision afterwards kind of thing? Well, so let's fast forward to things get hot and heavy and sexually charged what like what if you became uninterested in that scenario? Would you be able to get out of it? What would you say? Would you just go through with it because he's a nice guy turn the lights off but obviously I need some Well, I'm I'm asking that question because initially he said this was the big this is a question that had something to do with sex and I think it really does have to do with sex because his body type is not your stock not your type and therefore you're not sexually interested in him but if you get there you are put in putting yourself in a position to have to decide and then you have to get out of the situation if you don't want to. Yeah, exactly. And so So when he was here visiting me he wore a shirt shirt the entire time he was here so I didn't get to see all the tattoos all in one piece basically, I didn't get to see his small frame and all that all that stuff which you know could have helped me make a little better decision last time he was here so but I feel like some ways he was insecure or whatever you know about it and so we kept the shirt on so which makes it harder for me is you know, you know what if I get there and we're having a great time and he's feeling all frisky and whatnot and I'm just not feeling it so I'm gonna have to have that hard conversation and basically say yeah, I'm just not feeling it with him which is the right thing to do. Or maybe I'm you know, I just worry that sometimes you know, we were under all of it we're still animals so sexuality and all that and feeling it you know, maybe l you're right maybe I should just enjoy we're gonna have some sex and you know, call it a day if I don't like him physically after you know, and I just so it's just, I don't know, like I also don't what's the worst thing that can happen? I guess you know what it is I also don't want to waste my time and I don't want to waste his time is my other thinking, you know, if you have better plans and then then do the other plans, but if you don't have anything else planned, then I don't know. It's not really a waste of time in that way. And I will say this just like confidence to men about women because so many men have said I like a confident woman. I don't like insecure women. I don't like women who put so much makeup on that I can't recognize them when they take it off and I don't like all baggy. Now I've heard that from so many men. I feel the same way about men. I do not like insecure men. So that shirt saying on the whole time if he felt comfortable enough, I think he's doing that for you because I think he knows that you're tight, but I'll bet that if he was with a smaller person, he'd be whipping that off and probably You know, enjoying, you know, especially if he has a big sorry, my mind is in there. Well, are you with them to talk about pretty comfortable, I just don't want to hurt them. That's the only thing because such a nice guy. But I also don't want you to obviously. And we've I put in, you know, there's a point here, I'm just gonna have to be honest and put some great words two minutes ago, that sounded like a conversation you could have with him, which is he's already brought up his weight. So he's so approaching the subject of physical attraction, and I don't want to waste your time, I think that you're a great guy, I maybe make it about not wasting his time, and certainly not, you know, you're gonna drop there and all that and kind of feeling him out for the fact that I mean, if you if you are willing to go letting him know, I mean, I'm always I probably always say more than I should. But I would want to have that. If I was close enough with them to say, look, it may not work out. I don't know, I've only met we've only seen each other one time. I don't know, I don't know what that is. But I'm there's a possibility that I may come there. And we have dinner and it's out like is that? Do you feel like that's a way somehow to have that conversation? But would you be okay with that? Yeah. So we've actually had that conversation. And I funny enough, because, and I said that to him a couple days ago is because he's he's already planning, you know, concerts and all this stuff, like at the end of the month, and I'm I'm just, you know, as you know, I'm just figuring out if I'm attracted to you, and I like you and I want to hang out with you. And, again, I'm not thinking, you know, the end of June at this point, even so, so he, he's, he's well on in with me already. And I'm I'm not there. And I've had that conversation with him. And I said, Look, I'm just taking this one meeting over time and see where it goes. And, you know, I need to figure out a few things. And there's other things that I'm trying to figure out about him too, that aren't related to this. I don't know if his schedule is going to work. You know, I have a flexible schedule, you know, but um, so when my ex boyfriend and I started to date, we both had a flexible schedule, because we both work from home and all this stuff. So it was very easy for him to come up to Atlanta, me to come down here and spend two or three weeks and vice versa, where this guy has a schedule. So and on top of a work schedule. He's got a rotating kid custody schedule, so So when he doesn't have the kid, then you know, he might be working. So it's so that I'm dealing with on top of it trying to figure that out. So on top of the attraction thing. So going back to my original answer, don't go. Sorry. That's just my waste my calendar. Yeah, I didn't realize he was a planner. Like he's already got the concerts playing. It's it's prolonging potentially the inevitable. So it's ultimately going to hurt him more, in my opinion, especially with the daughter and rotating schedule and work. It's a he does not fit into your lifestyle. I don't believe Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be doing the commuting for sure. Yeah. And he doesn't have you know, I've dated some guys that have custody schedules that are great. Like literally one week on one week off, and then you can at you know, you can I can go over there for a week and a week together, where Kate's got this crazy custody schedule because of his work schedule, which is crazy. So like he'll have the kid Friday night and then mother will have the kid Saturday night and then he has the kids Sunday, Monday. Yes, Sunday and Monday. And then it rotates. It's crazy. And so he needs to do to my local well. It's like yeah, I don't know, another dozen dozen it'll be easier and he met somebody local because they can leave in 10 minutes and get home you know, true to your excuse then insulting him. I'm just it's nice out actually isn't nice out. But I think because Kate's so flexible with being able to be anywhere, it's it makes it easier. If somebody's you know, some were four hours away or whatever, but not when they have kids and everything else that heaps I think it's one thing to commute when you can both have the flexibility to commute. But it sounds like all the heavy lifting is going to be on Yes, yes. And there's a child. Yeah. So. So he's got three different schedules with his work. So let your kids know that yeah, luckily, I only got one so but he's got three. So each every three months, his schedule changes. So or every other every month, the schedule changes. So like one one month, he's got what I call like bankers hours. We enter nine to five, Monday through Friday, and then he's off, you know, Saturday and Sunday like a normal person. But when he's on that Saturday and Sunday, he's got his kid Saturday, Sunday so so it's fun. I during the week, you know, so I could go over there and during the week and hang out and work during the day, and then you know, we'd have time in the evening together. So that would be great. And then he's got this other schedule, that is great, because that schedule for the other month is he doesn't start until three o'clock in the afternoon, the man works to midnight. And so that schedule, he doesn't have a song, maybe two days out, you know, two days during the week, so and they're back to back. So that schedule works very well. But then you've got this other schedule that for the so it's like two out of two of the three men's he's got a hard schedule with the kid like they because of his work schedule. So it's like hard to put me in there necessarily schedule for you to because you'd be adapting that same schedule, in essence, and using all that I'm sorry, but gas is expensive. Nowadays, you might not think it's a big deal. But a four hour round trip is a four hour round trip. That's a lot of gas. And not not to say that's not the issue. I'm just saying it is a lot of heavy lifting, as Danny said, and I don't know, and you're not even that into I mean, I It sounds like you really enjoy him as a person. But I'm not hearing chemistry. I don't hear like I so hot. I just wish he was a little bit bigger. You know, it's not like that. i And I've heard that from you before. So I turned one of those when I first moved to Fort Lauderdale, and I was lonely. And I met somebody and I was like, Oh, he's not very attractive in person. We ended up you know, I said, I'm kind of seeing somebody else. But would you be open to a friend Friends with Benefits idea? And that's what we did, because I just didn't see a relationship going with him. But that's just what I did. I mean, that's not what I'm recommending here at all. I don't know, it's a big investment of time for you and change. And it's taken a lot of mental capacity for a guy that you don't have anything with. It's a lot. It's taken a lot of you're like it's weighing on you. All right. Yeah. And I'm just kind of thinking, okay, so he came over here about two weeks ago. And with his schedule, we were trying to coordinate in my in my schedule, it took another two weeks for us to get together. Yeah. So it's like, and that's a long time to not see somebody you know, and especially when I'm only getting two nights with you, then so Yeah, might have to have a blaring question. Because when we talked about this before, there was another interesting party that might have been too good to be true. And you're waiting to find that out who was maybe going to derail the whole thing. Anyway. So funny enough, so I had that date with him. And this is a guy that I had matched with, like a year ago, like, right, like a couple of months after my boyfriend and I, you know, broke up. And so and then we talked, we were getting we were setting up a meeting, and then his like, friend, best friend died. And so we had to go to Michigan to help get the friend's house in all the paperwork in order and all that stuff. So you know, I don't know if the story was real or not at the time. Now I know because now I've met this guy. So I met him. And I didn't read all the text messages that we had a year ago. I guess we're too busy. He did. He said he read all our text messages. And he did because he brought up stuff that I was like, oh, okay, okay, remembers all that. But he's like, No, I read all our text messages from a year ago. So all right, but I still don't know if he's true or not. And here's the other thing. So just like with dating nowadays, so he texts me over the weekend on Friday or something. And he basically says, Hey, I would love to see you again. Right. So I write him back. And I said, you know, surely, you know, I thought, you know, Monday and Thursday available. So at the time, you know, we got scheduled and then he never writes me back. So I then have an event to go to on Saturday night. Right? So he had told me that it is thing Yeah, be at theme party charity thing you go to and so and he had told me that he was many years ago, the brand by behind this hairspray. So which I'm still not sure if the story is true, because if he is if he's telling me what he's told me, I don't know. That's pretty impressive. All the brand stuff and all you know, and I'm in the advertising world and whatnot. And so the fact that so I'm still gonna share his stories I'll check out necessarily so grieving this guy. And so have I heard from so I sent him a photo of that hairspray that he was supposedly the brand guy from and so he like sent a thumbs up or loved that or whatever message but have I heard from them to set up the date that he asked me to review for this week? No, no, nothing. So but on top of it. Yeah. There's a lot of questions there. Yes. Lots of questions. Yes, he was a very attractive man and the man can kit so and he says he took one and 215 pounds. Now, I don't know if he's 215 pounds, so I couldn't really tell what the shirt that he had. So what did he and I don't think he's 215 pounds. I really I don't I don't think he is, but maybe you, you know, and if he is 250 pounds, then he's right up my alley. Yeah. So like, he's obviously not 165. Yeah. No, no, no offense. 50 pounds. Yeah, yes. Yeah, he was definitely heavier. But But I think that yeah, I don't know. So anyways, I got other options to grow on. So it's not like I you know, and it's funny. This is coming. So the the date that I had right with this guy, he asked me this question. And I don't know if you guys have heard this term. He asked me, Are you single? Or are you single, single? Have you guys heard that? No, no. All right. So he asked me this. And funny enough, because I love tic tock. I learned what this term was many months ago. So I was able to answer him and say, I'm single. I'm not single, single. So here's what a single single single is. If you're talking to people and dating other people, so it doesn't mean necessarily you're sleeping with them. It just means that you're talking and dating other that thing now single single is nobody's sending you a good morning text message. You're off to sleep. Yeah. Okay. Like, I don't know, we none of us should admit to that. I now. Yeah, right. I agree. I'm never I'm never admitting that. So I'm just single who I admit that I don't ever single single. Well, yeah, he does. And I asked him, I said, well, so I answered it. I said, Well, I'm single. And I said, you know, because I'm talking to this guy on the other coast. And so when he came over and whatnot, so I said, Well, what are you? And he's like, I'm single, single? Oh. So saying, No, I wonder if maybe, do you think there's any chance he would have been saying something like that to sound like a better magnet? Like a better because a lot of girls do want guys like that? I mean, I do. I wouldn't guy who just wants to, but I'm not going to come out and say because I don't want to scare him away. You know what I mean? You know, I think that's a it's an individual question. Because I have met men that when they asked me, you know, if I'm seeing other people, and as you ladies know, that I don't shut the door on anybody, you know, unless Unless, until you and I have that conversation of exclusivity, you know, and all that stuff. And to some extent, if I start to sleep with you, then I'm not going to start I'm not going to be necessarily dating other people necessarily. So I'm going to close it off anyways, if I start to sleep with somebody, so But um, you you start to sleep with somebody, they close it off as well before you actually do that, or does that not necessarily have to match up for you? Um, no, it doesn't have to match up? No. So So I guess my my thinking is, I lost my train of thought. Well, you know, to be continued, you'll have to let us know. Check out our Facebook page for Kate's update on what her decision ended up being. All right, ladies. Good night. All of our listeners. Thank you. Shout out Sass over fifty@gmail.com Follow us on Instagram, SASS over 50. We appreciate it. Thank you