Engineering Emotions and Energy with Justin Wenck, Ph.D.

Ep 44: The Most Dangerous Word

February 19, 2021 Justin Wenck Season 1 Episode 44
Engineering Emotions and Energy with Justin Wenck, Ph.D.
Ep 44: The Most Dangerous Word
Show Notes Transcript

You use this word often, so often that you're likely unaware of the countless times you use. It's so familiar and yet it's the most dangerous word and it could be destroying your chances of turning your dreams into a reality or just catching a break. 

What is the word? 

Nope, it's not "What"

Why not?

But "Why" it is.

The most dangerous word: WHY

Why "Why?" 

I explain so that "Why" can no longer rob you of what you dream of achieving.

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail podcast@justinwenck.com. Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Then connect with me at  JustinWenck.com, Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn!

Got a question or comment about the show? E-mail me at podcast@justinwenck.com. Remember to subscribe so you don't miss the next episode! Then connect with me at JustinWenck.com, Facebook, Instagram, or LinkedIn!

Justin Wenck:

Welcome to the engineering emotions and energy podcast. I'm your host, Justin Wenck. Today, very, very important topic, something you might not have considered how is impacting everything that you're trying to accomplish in life, there is a secret word that is undermining all of your efforts, everything you're trying to do, because there's one word that you probably use every day, and you probably don't even know the number of times that you're using it, whether it's conscious or unconscious. Once I bring this word to your attention, you are going to just go Oh, my gosh, this, this has been one of the big things. So you're going to pay attention, you're going to find out how not necessarily easy but just how this permeates. And then once you're aware of it, you're going to be able to start to work with it. So I'm going to share with you what the most dangerous word is that in your vocabulary. And the gotcha that is preventing you from seeing how this is impacting you such a really, really deceptive way because we all do this. And something that people just say all the time. And the other thing is, a lot of people aren't even conscious that they are doing it. So that's why I really encourage you to listen very carefully to this episode. And I'm going to be recording these a little bit early, because I'm getting ready to go on a self meditation retreat, were found a little place out on some nice acreage. And I'm just going to be kind of on my own detach, and really just get some time to be in silence and with myself, not be sort of, of the world just be living in the world. And so when I get back, I'm sure I'm going to have some really great stuff to share for you. But right now I got some really good stuff to share on the most dangerous word. And you might be asking Justin, what, what is the word? It's, that's not it. It's not what? Now this can be a little bit like the Abbott and Costello who's on first routine? I'm not sure. You know, this is was this like the 30s? Or the 40s? You know, where it seems like who's on first and exactly? No, no. What I want to know is who's on first? Yes, exactly what's on second?

Unknown:

I don't

Justin Wenck:

care. I want to know who's on first first. Well, too. Well, what what know what's on second? I don't know what you're talking about? No, I don't know is on third. So this is not a who this is not a what this is not even a how this is something that you might not have known before. But now you're going to know really, really easily, it's gonna be really easy to spot, the most dangerous word that you have in your vocabulary is why. Now, why is why so dangerous? Because when we ask our mind a question, it inherently goes to work to get us the answer. This is why have you ever had the occasion where you're, you're talking with someone, and you want to remember the name of a movie, but just it just slips? You know, you know, it's got it's got that guy Nicolas Cage and he's he's in a plane and Steve machine is there. And there's this really creepy scene with a little girl. And you can't we can't remember the name for the life of you, you know all about the movie, except the title. And then you go about and you just you let it go. And you're talking about, you know, the hummus how fantastic it is, but you prefer, you know, red pepper hummus over this garlic hummus that you got? And then all of a sudden boo Con Air, the movie was caught on air. Why? Because your subconscious was at work, digging through your memory banks to pull up that answer that you put to it previously. Now, why is the question why so dangerous? Given that fact? Because we have to be very careful with what types of questions are we asking ourselves? Because when we ask the question, we are going to get the answer. And this is really explained really well in this fantastic book. What to say when you talk to yourself, this is by Sham hostetter. This is this has been around for a while. Basically, it just goes into depth of how we all have these scripts that we're playing day in and day out. And what's worse is that we didn't even consciously write the script. And often the script is going to contain these horrible horrible why questions like why am I such a failure? Why do I feel so depressed? Why are relationships so hard? Why does work just suck so much? Why am I so stressed? So, phrases like these are part of your script? And chances are it is and you might not even realize it because it's just become background noise into your mental chatter, that you're putting these questions to yourself. And you are answering it. And all these questions presuppose that something is true that you'd likely do not want to be true. It's like when you ask why am I such a failure? It presupposes it assumes that it's a fact that you are a failure. And now the mind is simply trying to find out the supporting information to support that belief, which is not really a fact. But if you find enough information to support it, it becomes true to you. And I've seen I've seen this in myself, you know, because, you know, I've recently had, you know, depressive thoughts, and they'll it'll slip in where I'm going, like, oh, why is life so hard? Why does nothing work out? And then my mind starts coming up with, with the answers, it's like, well, because you don't have any discipline? Well, because, you know, this is what your parents taught you. And this is just what it's going to be. And, you know, I've seen other people do this, by saw my dad, I'm sure he does this, because I recently, you know, went to visit my parents in Orange County, to try to understand, you know, some of the whys of where I came from. And more on that in just a little bit. But one of the things that my dad texted me, after, after I had left was he sent a real dramatic text to me saying, like, you know, to the effect of Sorry, I'm such a failure of a father. And I'm sure that he, whether he's conscious or not of it, the question of why, why is he such a failure of a father is probably part of the script that he's, he repeats often and often. And so, we're all humans, we all have, like, things that will come up that can, you know, support any of these questions. So you know, just like, there's any number of things. But if you were to ask a higher quality question, like, why am I such an amazing father, then you'll also get a ton of supporting information like that, like, Oh, my gosh, my kids, like, always had food on the table. My kids, you know, felt comfortable enough to be able to disagree with me. You know, Oh, my, my children have, we're able to, you know, get really high levels of education, and they're able to get jobs and bring in money. So, depending on the question that we're asking, depends on what facts we're going to get in return? And what do you want? Do you want supporting information about, you know, how horrible Your life is, or how great it is, could be even better? So one of the things that people often get hung up on with learning that why is so dangerous, and so destructive, and to getting where we want to go? Is it just, they just get you, Justin, I

Unknown:

got,

Justin Wenck:

I got an A why I got to know why I am the way that I am. I want to know why. that the world is the way that it is I want to know why. You know, the person that I want to be with treats me the way or doesn't ignore me, or gives me too much information. I just want to know why. And to that, I asked you why? Why do you want to know why? Because play this out? Does knowing why ultimately, change anything? So one of the reasons why I went back to go and visit with my parents was one of the things that I I felt called to do was to serve just get a history of my family, and you know, where they came from, just get some of the facts on the table, and understand the story of, you know, where does my dad lie? And, you know, with amongst his brothers and sisters, and you know, what, where did his parents come from? And same thing on my mom's side, you know, and then just try to understand what, where were they coming from? And it definitely was helpful to you know, get that empathy and realize, like, yeah, they had, they had challenges. They had difficulties. And there was, there was one one story that my mom was kind of telling me, I was about, I must have been, you know, between one and three. And that's the other things, people's memories start to get really fuzzy and you're not necessarily going to get the Truth Truth, because everyone has a different recollection. There were times where I'd asked my dad one thing and my mom or something else, and they were didn't really line up, but it's not that one was lying. And one was time, the truth just, we all filter things through our emotions and our experiences and our current awareness. And sometimes we're just not paying attention, right? Like, you know, this was you know, 3040 years ago, so it wasn't like they were on the iPhone, but that we've, as humans have been amazing at coming up with distractions to distract us from whatever might not be what we really want to be thinking about. And why is a really great distraction from what is and what would you want it to be? So if you were to know why, what would what would that change? So one of the events that really stuck out, as I was telling you that my mom mentioned was at some point, I just got this inkling that well, maybe something happened to me when I was like, two, I don't know what. somewhere around there plus or minus a year, right? Who knows exactly. And she told me one story of I think, you know, her my dad must have been out for, you know, something date night, I don't know. And they had left me with babysitter's house or whatever. And she said she came in and that I, I wasn't easily available for whatever reason I didn't, you know, come running, and well, Mommy, Mommy, so good to see you. That she had to go scour around the house and found things in the bedroom, I was hiding under a bed looking really, really scared. So they're a little bit like, Whoa, what happened? And I realized, it doesn't matter what happened, because lots of stuff happens, you know, to all of us. And if I, if I knew that something specific, what necessarily would that do for me, or anybody? Because other than just being sort of an intellectual curiosity, knowing if something horrible, and maybe nothing horrible really happened, maybe I just a noise in the house, spook me for whatever, because you know, sensitive two year old who knows, right? So knowing why things are the way they are, it doesn't change what they were, it doesn't change how they are. And it doesn't change how things can be. In fact, it's actually worse. Because by asking, Why are things like they are, you're just repeating your past, in the present. So you're perpetually having what you've already had by asking, why is it the way it is? Your subconscious just answers? And then you get what you've got, and you will not get what you haven't had? Because you're not asking a question, which opens up to the possibility of what you have had not had yet. which requires a different type of question. And I don't think we're gonna get to it today, cuz I really want to keep these episodes sort of like, bite sized, like little chunks for you to like, nibble on. That's good. And I also want them actionable. So I want so you can listen, and I want so you can get something, take it away. Because I really want you to have less stress in your life. I want you to have better connections, better relationships, and I want you to have that impact in your world. And if you're busy asking, why is it just not working out for me? You're not gonna be able to make it work out for you. So how, how do we counteract this this horrible, horrible question of why that can permeate our thoughts, and basically overrun our emotions with all this sort of like negative stuff? If we're not asking, you know, we've got these scripts. So the first first step is got to become aware, you got to start noticing the thoughts. So if you ever you're not feeling like so hot, like you're just like, fell down, or maybe a little angry, or, or maybe even physically sick or something hurting, start paying attention, and noticing what kind of question might be coming up, and almost on autopilot, just like, oh, why is this so hard? Or why am I such a fuckup? Why? Why is this? Why is she always annoying me? You know, why is he just seemed to be such an idiot. So just start to start to be aware. So that's step one. And so you could even just spend like a day looking out for your why's cuz I'm laughing because so often you hear like, well, you got to know your why, in doing something, you know, like, what's what's motivating, you know, why, why do you want to start your own business? Why do you want to be like, you know, the best engineer in the world. And so that's starting to get into the, the more high level, like going towards something, but if we don't take care of this, sort of underlying, why that's cutting us off at the knees, that that why isn't even gonna have a place to take hold. So this is really we got to be aware of the rocks that are in our soil, and we got to like start getting getting rid of these. So maybe you've identified some you know, such as like, why am I such a failure? And basically, it's there's an assumption that you are a failure. And now you just want to know the bat the supporting information. Should you you're asking yourself to come up with a case against you. You know, and the brilliant being that you are, you will find so many reasons of why that is true. So the trick here is to amend the question, as soon as you notice that the question has been asked. So because one of the things that don't know what to say, when you talk to yourself a big, big part of that is to sort of like, recreate new scripts and things like that. And so that you basically program yourself with helpful things that you will be monitoring, you know, sort of unconsciously. And that can be I'm not, I'm not saying don't do that. I'm just saying, I've tried it, it is challenging. And this thing i'm about to share with you, it's it's a game changer I learned from Michael bernoff, which is basically, it's kind of like jujitsu, or Kung Fu, one of these martial arts, it's a mental of martial art, where basically, you're going to utilize that negative energy to your advantage, you're just going to like, take, take the wind out of its sails. So as you might hear, like, why, why are relationships so hard? Then you just go except for when they're fun. So you've taken the energy away from that destructive wire relationships hard, and you've upended, except when they're fun? And does does that question even make sense? No, but that's way better than the wire relationship so hard. And then it's like, well, because you were always a shy person, you're physically, you know, could be a little bit more attractive. And you've just picked bad people to be around. Like, that's the kind of stuff you're gonna get when Why are relationships so hard, but when you append except when they're fun, blank space. Now you can do think whatever you want. So let's, let's do a couple more of these. So like, you know, why am I such a failure? Except Why not? Why am I so out of shape, except when it's easy not to be out of shape? Why does work suck so much? except for when it's super easy to be at work? So get aware, start to notice your own why's that are subtly silently destroying your dreams? That's what they're doing? And then once you're aware of kind of maybe your top four or five, the y's that are fucking your shit up? What can you amend to sort of, like, take the power out of that? And I think that's where I'm gonna end today's episode, because I've got an even more advanced use of wise, you know, so this is just this is this the why defense but we got to get on offense. We need to use why for own benefit. And that's, that's what I'm going to get to in the next episode. So hit me up, make sure you're subscribing. If you love this show, you know, rate me five stars or wherever the max is on whichever platform if there's something that could be done better. Please don't rate me low. I don't even know how. I don't know how to come back from that. No, not emotionally, emotionally. I'll be fine. But you know, just just let me know. So find me on Facebook, Justin Wenck, w e NC UK. I'm on Instagram, I'm on LinkedIn. Get a hold of me. Let me know what could be done better. What are some topics you're interested in? And make sure that you're subscribed so that you can get the next the exciting conclusion of how to use the most dangerous word, which is why All right, thank you and good day.