This Curvy Girls Life Podcast

Dating in Your 40's

February 05, 2020 Jana'e Michelle Season 1 Episode 5
This Curvy Girls Life Podcast
Dating in Your 40's
Chapters
This Curvy Girls Life Podcast
Dating in Your 40's
Feb 05, 2020 Season 1 Episode 5
Jana'e Michelle

Dating in your 40's can feel daunting and down right terrifying, but we have a few tips to make dating fun and something you look forward to.
Join Jana'e Michelle, host, blogger,  & entrepreneur as we discuss "Dating in your 40's"
If you're ready to date and need that little nudge, Then this is the podcast for you!

Visit our Blog, Youtube, and Social Media. Click the link below
linktr.ee/curvygirlslife


Show Notes Transcript

Dating in your 40's can feel daunting and down right terrifying, but we have a few tips to make dating fun and something you look forward to.
Join Jana'e Michelle, host, blogger,  & entrepreneur as we discuss "Dating in your 40's"
If you're ready to date and need that little nudge, Then this is the podcast for you!

Visit our Blog, Youtube, and Social Media. Click the link below
linktr.ee/curvygirlslife


Speaker 1:

[inaudible].

Speaker 2:

Welcome to this curvy girls life podcast, a podcast designed to empower and encourage women to be the best and most authentic version of themselves. I am your host, Jana'e Michelle entrepreneur and blogger at this perfect girl's life.com. Before we hop into today's episode, if you are enjoying what you are hearing so far, I would love for you to hop on over and subscribe and rate us on iTunes or whatever platform you're listening on. For more information on our blog podcast and for a free printable, be sure to visit us at this curvy girl's life.com. Now let's hop into today's episode.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome back to this curvy girls life podcast. I am your host, Jana'e Michelle and I just want to say thank you for joining us for another episode. So before we hop in, I just want to let you guys

Speaker 3:

no that I am so sorry for missing last week's upload. as the world knows on January 26, we did lose Kobe Bryant and his 13 year old daughter, Giana Bryant in a helicopter accident along with, uh, seven other individuals. So last week I really took some time, um, kinda to myself to kind of just understand, no, I can't say I understand, but I guess just process the situation because although I did not know Kobe directly, he did have a huge effect on my life. One being a huge basketball and Laker fan, but then two, I really loved his Mamba mentality, that mentality just to keep pushing no matter what. So, um, I did just want to take some time to acknowledge that I am continually praying for his family, for his wife and his other three daughters. Um, I can't even imagine, um, the loss and the pain that they are feeling.

Speaker 3:

But I do know that we serve a mighty God who gives us strength to endure even the most heart wrenching situations. So, I pray that as a community we can just keep the Bryant family lifted in prayer. So I'm hopping into this week's topic this week. Uh, we are going to talk about dating in your forties. Yes. I'm going to talk about dating because I am in this new phase of life. Um, I was separated from my ex for about four years and then in that fifth year, um, I did file for divorce and now I have been, um, divorced and single for over a year and I feel like I am ready to date. Uh, but it did take a lot of soul searching. It did take a lot of learning lessons to get to know who I am and fall in love with me again.

Speaker 3:

So, um, with that I wanted to kind of share some of the tips that I also have on my blog, which I'll have listed in the description notes. Um, but you can visit this curvy girl's life.com and you will actually see a post about this very topic. So, um, let's hop into this dating in your forties. So, um, the first thing I wanted to talk about is finding love at 40. Is it the perfect time? And you know, for me it actually feels really good. It feels like this is the perfect time because I, when I got married, when I moved in with my ex, we were young. There were a lot of things I think in life that we both needed to experience and to go through to truly be mature enough to be in a longterm devoted relationship. I think we both had things that we did in relationship that I think now that I look upon and haven't looked back on that the age and the wisdom that I have now.

Speaker 3:

I would have never done those things that I did. And I'm sure he can probably say the same. Um, neither of us are at fault for our divorce, but I think both of us are at fault for not taking the time to grow before we hopped into marriage. And so now at 40 and actually I am 42 but now I'm being in my forties, I do feel so much more grounded. I know what I want in a relationship. I know what I will not tolerate in a relationship. And I know that I want to love fully and completely and without hesitation, without reservation. And I am looking for a cane that is willing to take the lead, but also understands that I am his queen. And I to play a major role in us building a life together. So we are not only partners but we are friends, we are lovers.

Speaker 3:

We laugh together, we cry together and we are open and honest with each other. So I think as you get older you start to realize those things that are very important to you. You know, what's not important to me is the flashy cars and the clothes are, you know, what job you have, what school you went to. Like it's just certain things that aren't as important to me. My things that are important are your integrity, your character and that you are walking in your passion. That I know that there was a lot of us still soul searching for our purpose and our passion. But even if you're just, you're on the search for that or you're trying new things so that you can get there. You know, I find that to be an attractive, um, quality in someone, someone that is passionate and compassionate and, um, is truly, truly walking toward or in their purpose.

Speaker 3:

Cause I think that we are each here for a reason and sometimes we have to take a step back and we have to take time being single so that we can really figure out what that is. And so I really do feel like dating in your forties, you just have so much more wisdom, so much more, um, character and you have thought things out a little bit more you. Um, and especially for someone that has probably been divorced you and if you've taken, I've actually posted a post on my Instagram and it said something to the effect of like, you know, people who are divorced make really good partners because they've walked through the fire and they've come out of the ashes. I'm renewed. And they know they fought for something that they lost. And so now they have a deeper appreciation for love. And I do feel like that is true, at least for me personally.

Speaker 3:

And, um, I do think that finding love in your forties is possible. I do think that it is a perfect time because that maturity level is, is such a powerful thing. Um, and it definitely helps you to go to that next level when it comes to finding love, being in love and staying in love. So, um, I definitely think that dating in your forties is definitely the perfect time. So my next topic is try new things, experience life and don't let being single stop you from trying those, those new experiences. So, you know, for a long time after my separation I didn't do much. I was depressed. I was sad that I had lost something that I thought would be forever. And it wasn't until recently that I started to step out of my comfort zone and I started to try new things. One of them being this podcast that you're listening to right now, but I started modeling and I started the podcast.

Speaker 3:

I started exercising just, I mean, but like, you know, not just a simple going to the gym and walking on a treadmill. Like I am going beast mode. I am doing things that I never thought that I would be capable of doing with my size. And then I am experiencing more music. I'm experiencing more art. I'm experiencing more just a nature in itself, going to different beaches and going on hikes and doing just all these amazing things. I mean this weekend I am going to be doing something that is completely out of my comfort zone and I am going to be kind of doing a stylist slash makeup artist for a photo shoot to, for a friend of mine and we're going out to the desert and we're going to take these amazing photos and I have the opportunity to do something that I've never really done before.

Speaker 3:

I've stopped myself and things like that. So you know, she has confidence in me and that just when you have these new and these different experiences, you have more to share. When you start dating, you're dating isn't just about your kids or your ex or the terrible relationships you've had. It now incorporates these amazing things that you are doing in your life, these amazing things that you are trying out and some things you'll try in your and you'll fail or you'll try and you won't like it, but that experience just gives you even more to conversation about. It opens you up, it opens your mind, it opens your heart. And so when you're having a conversation with someone who is new to you, who you are just dating and you guys can, you know, you can talk about, Hey, you know, I jumped out of a plane and it was probably not the best experience, but then they may have a story to tell you or maybe they've jumped out of a plane too and they thought it was absolutely amazing and now you have this different perspective of it and just trying new things just opens you up and one it opens you up because now you're not just thinking about being single.

Speaker 3:

You are doing stuff. You're out there, you're living life, you're experiencing things. And so being single isn't at the forefront of your mind. It's experiencing life, making memories, living an adventure. So, I think taking the time to truly experience life, experience new things just gives you just a different perspective. It puts you in a different Headspace. It allows you to just be open and then when you are in that dating situation and then gives you so much more to talk about other than the standard dating questions, as we all know, it can get kind of boring. Um, but I think when you have such great life experiences, it just opens you up more and it allows you to share. So I definitely think that, um, trying new things is a definite thing that you should do when you start dating in your forties.

Speaker 3:

And then that also includes as you're dating, trying new things with the people that you're dating. Like, you know, some things are more coupley or maybe more fun when you're with a couple. And I think that if you, um, I mean, you're starting to think about dating when you're planning these dates out. Start incorporating maybe some things that you haven't done before and maybe your date hasn't done them before, but it's now a new experience that you and him or you and her can share. Um, so I think that is so important. So definitely try new things.

Speaker 3:

Okay. So my next comment is far, I would definitely say this is for all my ladies out there, don't get stuck on a must have list. So we all have this list of items that we want our man to be. He has to be over six feet. He has to be chocolate complexion. He needs to work out vigorously every day. He needs to be vegan, he needs to have no kids, no baby mama drama like we go on and on and on and on with our must have this and I think that sometimes our lists actually causes us to miss out on something that could be an amazing relationship. I think sometimes I'm not saying don't have a list, I'm not saying don't have things that you would prefer in a man, but I'm also saying that if you're on a date and you've checked off all of these things on your list, but maybe there are other areas that that are okay or things that you find interesting start to, to play on those.

Speaker 3:

Start to talk about those things. Start to lean on that area because you may learn so much more. About a person rather than cutting them off because they didn't make like the top three things on your list. You know, I feel like even when I think back in my earlier years of dating, before I got married, I feel like I have this list of must haves. And you know, when I think back on it, I probably missed out on some amazing guys because you know, just because they didn't fit this idea of a man that I had in my head. So in my head I had this ideal man and the people who are dating needed to fit in that box. And sometimes the person who you will fall in love with and have kids with and spend the rest of your life with is probably someone outside of that box that you're trying to check off.

Speaker 3:

And so I encourage you to, you know, have your list. I'm not saying don't have your lists, but I'm saying to ease up on them, don't get stuck on it. You know, finish that, that coffee date and get to really know the person, ask some questions and laugh a little, maybe after the coffee date. Just go for a walk, see what they're about, get to know them a little bit more. Cause I think sometimes we take that 20 minute coffee quick coffee date just to kind of see who this person is or whatever. And then we're just out if they didn't meet our criteria. And I really feel like there are so many good men and good women out there that sometimes we miss out on because we're stuck with this idea of a person. We're stuck with this idea of, of what love should look like. And sometimes love doesn't look like that. And so I encourage you to, don't throw away your list, but maybe just, you know, tuck it under your pillow, keep it safe, but don't be stuck to it. Allow yourself to be open to people and experiences because you just never know when that love bug may bite you. So once again, don't get stuck on that must have list

Speaker 2:

like what you're hearing so far. Make sure you never miss an episode by clicking that subscribe button right now. This episode is made possible by listeners like you, so thank you so much for your support. Now let's get back to the show.

Speaker 3:

Okay, so this next point is kind of funny because I think it's something that we can all learn from date in real life. Please. People date in real life. Look, I know that we live in a online social media driven world right now and it's great that we have such information at our fingertips at all times. It's great. However, when you are getting to know someone, when you are starting a friendship, it is so important for you to take the time to actually meet with the person in person, not online, not through a chat group, not through a a FaceTime but physically in person. Body language tells you a lot I language like you know how people may roll their eyes or look away or maybe be distracted cause they're on their phone. Like these are things that you can see when you're dating someone who's in front of you.

Speaker 3:

When you are dating via text message, you don't get to see any of that and so this person on the other end of this phone may sound amazing, but then you actually finally at some point down the line you have a day and you're like, Oh, this is not what I thought it was going to be. But if you get there early enough then you'll know early enough and I encourage, I encourage people to do coffee dates to do you know those kind of quick meetup dates almost, you know, because it's really no pressure. You don't have to worry about getting like super dressed up. It's really more or less about YouTube getting to know each other and seeing that, seeing if this is something that's going to work out. But then from there if it does work out and you do find some interest, set a second date, don't go home and start the whole text messaging situation over again.

Speaker 3:

No, set a second date as soon as you can. So that way you guys can really get to know each other, have fun, laugh, like, you know, cause I feel like right now, so many people also hide behind social media. So they'll say certain things or act a certain way on social media just to get your attention. And then when you actually meet them in person, it's the opposite of that. So I really feel like dating in real life is so important. You know, I've tried online dating, I was not very successful. I'm not gonna lie, we'll have to talk about that one another time. But, um, but one of the things that I did not like was people wanted to have these constant drawn out conversations through text message. I'm like, dude, like do you want to meet for coffee? Do you want to go out, grab breakfast one day?

Speaker 3:

Like, you know, you want to go for a hike, like let's do something. But like this whole, this text message relationship is not working for me. I'm not going to be checking my text messages and then I'm just, I'm not, I'm not doing it. Um, so I definitely think is so important and imperative that if you are dating to date in real life, put down the phones, actually sit across from each other having an adult conversation, laugh, experience each other, be open to one another. And if it works out great. And if it doesn't, guess what? That's what dating is about. You move on to the next day. It's okay, but they in real life actually physically get to know someone. And the cool thing about it is when you date in real life, I feel like you have so much more to talk about. Even if you guys may not work out in a relationship, you may find someone that's really like a really good networking opportunity or someone that has a skill that maybe you can use in a certain area of your business. Like you never know what those in real life situations can lead to. So I encourage you to date in real life.

Speaker 3:

So my last and final point is to enjoy the experience. Dating is, it's beautiful. Think about it. When you first catch the eye of someone, you have butterflies, you, you may smile a lot. And if you're online, you may swipe to through their profile quite a few times during the day just to catch a glimpse before you guys meet up. And then you may talk and, or you may text message and you get a good morning, beautiful. And you get to make it. I hope you make it home safely. And like you start, you start seeing these little things and then you meet for that first date and you have the butterflies in your stomach while you're getting dressed and you're excited. You want to make the best impression. You don't want to, you don't want to dress too sexy, but you don't want to be too conservative.

Speaker 3:

So you gotta find that perfect InBetween look and you know you, you want to laugh and you want to smile and you want to have a good time with this person that throughout the evening you're laughing and joking and you're eating and perhaps you're dancing or you're walking along the beach. Just, it's such an amazing experience when you are dating. And when you're going on dates or when you find that maybe that one person whom you're dating exclusively for a while, like there is just something so magical about those experiences even when they don't work out. The fact that you had these amazing experiences, you got to touch this person who you may not have, have met otherwise. Like you actually physically got to see someone and meet them and know more about them and now you have a connection in this world. Like that's something that that's something that sits with you.

Speaker 3:

That's something that stays with you and you have to enjoy the experience. And even from the ones that don't work out right, the ones, the dates that go wrong, learn the lesson, enjoy the experience. It's going to be a great story to tell your girlfriends like enjoyed the experience of dating. Dating is not perfect just like in everything and anything else in this world, it is not perfect. There is no exact science to it. You kind of have to jump in and just be okay with however it turns out. But the thing is, is like there are so many experiences happening during that process that you should really, really enjoy it because it's not that often that we get to just date. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are some people who are lifelong single individuals and that's what they do. They just date.

Speaker 3:

But the, for the majority of us, we actually liked the companionship. We like being in relationships. So you date for short period of time, like the dating scene, like you do the dating scene thing or a short period of time before you make a connection with someone and then you kind of start dating them exclusively and then exclusively can lead to a longterm relationship. And then, you know, and if that relationship doesn't work out, then you're kind of back to back out there. But you've learned lessons, you've grown from your experience. And I just think that dating is just such a magical time. It's a scary time because you're not really sure what this person's gonna think. And especially when you're dating someone or you're talking to someone online, it's just like that first day. This I feel like is the most nerve wracking thing ever.

Speaker 3:

I feel like a first day if you meet a guy in a coffee shop, you know what he looks like, you've know everything. Like I won't say you know everything, but you have a general idea versus online you're literally going by pictures or short videos or whatever it is and then you have to meet this person upfront and that experience like although can be kind of nerve wracking, can leave you with butterflies in your stomach. I think it's such a wonderful experience because just imagine as nervous as you are. So is he. He is just as nervous as you and he is hoping that you think he is handsome. He is hoping that he is dressed appropriately. Like all the worries and everything that we have. They have two men have the same worries that we do. They may not express it the same and they may not even carry themselves the same when they're, you know, when they have those thoughts.

Speaker 3:

But we're all human, we're all human and we all have very similar experiences throughout this world. So when you are dating, enjoy the experience, enjoy the process, enjoy the journey. I hope that you guys enjoyed today's podcast. Thank you so much. And please be sure to check the description or the show notes for more details. I will definitely have my fitness podcast. I'm sorry, I will definitely have my website down there for you guys to check out. The website is this curvy girl's life.com we are a lifestyle blog and we actually have a blog post all about dating in your forties, so be sure to head over and check that out. But until the next podcast, I love you guys, deuces. See you later. Bye.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much for joining us in this week's episode of this curvy girls life podcast. Make sure to visit us at our website at this curvy girls life, dot com where you could subscribe to the show in iTunes, Stitcher, or via R S S so you'll never miss an episode while you're at it. If you found value in today's show, we'd appreciate a rating on iTunes. Want more? Sign up at thiscurvygirlslife.com for our monthly newsletter and our free printables. And don't forget to follow us on Instagram and Twitter at curvy girls life. Be sure to tune in next week for our next episode. Thank you guys so much for joining us today and beautiful people. Have a good one. See you next week, deuces. Bye.