How to Find God In Grief: Experiencing Him After Miscarriage | Emily Jackson

Sometimes the only thing you can do during profound loss is hold on tight to God. Ellen sits down with Emily Jackson to hear about her ongoing journey through pregnancy loss and infertility, and learn how faith has helped her survive the grief.

Check out Emily's devotional, The Weight of the World: A Devotional for Women in Times of Doubt, Hardship, & Loss in Your Journey to Conceive 

Scripture referenced:

• Philippians 4:6-7
• Genesis 18:1-15, 21:1-7
• Genesis 50:20

Learn about Emily:
Website | LinkedIn | Newsletter

Emily's faves:

• The Women's Study Bible, NIV
• Colorful pens
• Sticky tabs
• Journal
• YouVersion Bible App

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Chapters

• 0:00 Intro: The Pain of Miscarriage
• 1:00 Welcome + Introduction to Emily Jackson
• 3:22 Am I Good Enough to Be a Mom?
• 6:05 Infertility and Early Losses
• 7:20 Misconceptions About Pregnancy Loss
• 9:28 Scripture and Coping With Grief
• 12:05 Scripture for Miscarriage
• 16:24 Biblical Women Who Waited
• 21:35 How to Support Loved Ones Well
• 22:25 Habits to Keep Faith Strong
• 24:11 Learn More About Emily + Her Devotional
• 25:20 Resources and Guest Faves
• 28:11 Closing Encouragement and Farewell

Transcript

Ellen Krause: 0:04

The Coffee of Bible Time podcast, our goal is to help you delight in God's Word and thrive in Christian living. Each week, we talk to subject matter experts who broaden your biblical understanding, encourage you in hard times, and provide life-building tips to enhance your Christian walk. We are so glad you have joined us. Welcome back to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. I'm Ellen, your host, and I'm so grateful that you have joined us for today's conversation. If you've ever walked through a season of waiting, one filled with longing, uncertainty, and perhaps even grief, today's episode is for you. My guest, Emily Jackson, knows what it's like to carry the ache of unanswered prayers while still holding on to faith in a God who sees, hears, and deeply cares. Emily is a speaker, a career coach, and a woman of faith who has journeyed through infertility and pregnancy loss. Above all, she is someone who has chosen to meet the pain in her life with honesty, scripture, and hope. So whether you're navigating a similar road, supporting a friend through it, or simply wondering how to trust God in the midst of unanswered questions, I truly believe Emily's words will minister to your heart today. So grab your coffee, open your Bible, and let's dive in. Emily, welcome to the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. We're so honored to have you with us.

Emily Jackson: 1:46

Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. It's just a blessing to be able to speak with you and your listeners today.

Ellen Krause: 1:52

Oh, very good. Well, tell us a little bit about yourself to any listeners who don't know you yet.

Emily Jackson: 2:00

Yeah, so you know, I'm Emily Jackson. I'm in the professional world as a sales professional for an RFID technology company. Uh we won't dive into that today, but that's what I do professionally. Um, but yes, I am a career transition coach and speaker as well, and the a first-time author, and that's a lot of what we're talking about today. I'm in Cincinnati, Ohio. Um, if you do hear any type of accent from me, it's not a Cincinnati accent. I'm originally from Louisville, Kentucky. So there is a little bit of Southern accent sometimes in there. So if you catch that. Um I'm definitely catching that, but I'm in Chicago, so I mean, every once in a while it kind of gets in there when I'm passionate about something or when I'm angry about something. So, you know, you never know. Um, but yeah, and then a little more about me is I, you know, I am a follower of Christ. I accepted Christ into my life at 11 years old. My twin sister and I did that together. I haven't always been following Christ as well as I should have, and I think we all go through journeys of that, but this experience with pregnancy loss and difficulty conceiving brought me closer to God than I've ever been. And so uh I know that he's doing that on purpose.

Ellen Krause: 3:20

Absolutely. Well, seeking the right timing to become a mother and fertility challenges are both such personal topics for women. Would you be willing to share your journey of desiring motherhood and just your story around infertility and loss?

Emily Jackson: 3:42

Yeah, you know, as I said, I I struggled in my faith for a long time, and part of that was was selfishness, honestly. I and the reason that I say selfishness is because I was putting my career goals and just my need to be independent in front of God. So I was, you know, worshiping those things instead of God. And because of those things, I kind of was falling into that worldly mindset of, oh, you know, to be a strong woman, you've got to be just career path ready. That's all you're focused on. I'm not gonna have time for a family. And then on the flip side of that, I I think that the devil was kind of working in my life through that, telling me that I wasn't set up to be a mom. Maybe I wasn't, you know, kind enough. I wasn't um, didn't have that type of intuitive nature that mothers often do. So I felt, you know, kind of double whammy of I'm not meant to be a mom, and I just don't think it's for me because I'm working on my career. So, and through that, uh, I've been married for almost 10 years. Obviously, in us getting married, we we talked about children, and I just was like, yeah, yeah, you know, I I want children, just assuming that eventually I'd be ready. The years went by and I was not ready, or I didn't feel that I still didn't feel I was gonna be a good mother. And with difficulties in my marriage, because of that, I started to pray just vehemently to God, just please change my heart on this topic. You know, I I don't know how to get past this mindset. I don't know how to change my feelings about this. So I was just praying over and over again for him to change my heart. And seemingly overnight, but it wasn't overnight, I'm sure. I'm sure he was working on me for years. I really just decided from his word, essentially, I want to be a mom and I'm ready for this, and I'm I'm gonna give it my all. And when we started that journey, and I do want to share with the listeners this, you know, I'm kind of in the beginning of my journey. Um compared to a lot of women I've talked to, we've been trying to conceive for about a year and a half or a little over a year and a half. So I know I've talked to many women out there that have been trying for years and years. So um, but however, whatever band you are in your journey, wherever you are, it's your feelings are valid and and you know, concerns with pregnancy loss and things. So I just wanted to share my my experience anyway. But yeah, unfortunately, once we started trying, I I experienced back-to-back pregnancy losses um and then some fertility issues as well. And we're still in that journey, we're still trying. So it's a it's an open-ended question or an open-ended journey at this time. But through God's word and and prayer, my church family and my family, um, I've just grown closer to God in this time.

Ellen Krause: 6:37

Mm-hmm. Thank you so much for just being so vulnerable and sharing that because it does just it grips at your heart. It grips at your heart because I was in the workforce for a while too, and I know what it's like to have your career going and then deciding, you know, to make that change. And I'm sure there was a point where you're actually excited about it and then just and I I can imagine um the heartache that you must be feeling. What what are some misconceptions about infertility or pregnancy loss that you wish you had known at the beginning of your journey?

Emily Jackson: 7:20

Yeah, one of the biggest things, I mean, I think what once any of us are in this trying to conceive journey, we we very much hear from either doctors or medical, um, you know, medical articles and things, or each other, that pregnancy loss is common. But one, I wish I would have understood that the chemical pregnancy thing is is a thing. My both of my losses were earlier on. And I wish I would have one, understood what that was and what to look out for there. And two, I wish I would have understood how difficult even early losses would be emotionally. You know, I always thought to myself, oh, you know, if it was further along, it would be really, really hard. But I, I mean, I was astonished with how difficult emotionally it was to deal with just the early pregnancy losses. And and the interesting thing was, is as I was talking to women about this, they were like, oh yeah, I've had I had that experience too, or my sister did, or my mom did. And so I realized just how prevalent it is. And and it's one thing if a doctor's telling you how prevalent it is, but when you're speaking to other women in your network and they're saying that they experienced it, that really makes you feel seen, you know. And I wish I had gotten more of that maybe before that happening, but um, but I'm glad I was able to share that with people that I know and hopefully if that were to be something they experience in the future that they would feel seen and but that they're not alone.

Ellen Krause: 8:54

Right, right. I think if you can go into it with an expectation that that's a possibility, yeah. Um and and to have open hands with God, it's just that that's not really what anybody wants to do, right? I mean, you just expect that everything's gonna go normal and fine. And um, I love that you you brought that to light, even to someone who's listening today that maybe uh isn't aware that that's relatively common. Well, how has your faith helped you, Emily, process the grief and the uncertainty that you've experienced during this time?

Emily Jackson: 9:38

Yeah, um, gosh, I don't know where I'd be without my faith in in this time. Um the, as you can imagine, very, very dark days with those pregnancy losses and and not just mentally, but as you all know, hormonally, up and down and up and down. And so I was experiencing emotions that I honestly have never felt in my life. Um, I'm a very happy-go-lucky type person, a very positive person, and I was experiencing some things that I mean I just didn't even know I had in me. And without the prayer and God's word and finding comfort in that, I don't think I would have been able to keep pushing through and also to continue to have hope for my future. And one verse I'll I'll share that's that's in my book that really, really I think hones in on that is Philippians 4, 6 through 7. And it says, Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. And when I read that, I just so much peace just washed over me. And and that's what I needed in that time. I needed my mind to be calm, I needed peace to, you know, maybe I didn't understand it, but to come to the realization that God understands what's happening and He understands what's in in store for us in the future, and and it's not my job to understand, and just coming to that realization what was really helped me to keep pushing forward.

Ellen Krause: 11:20

Absolutely. Just casting all your anxiety on him, yeah, um, gives you that peace that surpasses all understanding, and it's something that we can't do ourselves. And I'm so glad that your faith has helped guide you through this process and is also helping so many other people now because out of the depths of your own despair, you created a devotional called The Weight of the World to help others strengthen their relationship with God in times of hardship and loss. Walk us through the different parts of the devotional and what people can learn from them.

Emily Jackson: 12:05

Yeah, so there's five different parts of the devotional. And what I wanted to include in here is part of my personal story. So my journey with, you know, as we talked about kind of figuring out that I wanted children or how I kind of overcame that doubt there. And so there's a doubt section talking about that and talking about how I was putting myself before God and not listening to God, how I overcame that through his word and through prayer. And then the second part is loss, and so it's talking about my two pregnancy losses and how I was seeking guidance and peace and understanding from God during that time. The the next section is strength in God. So as I was mentioning, it's just an emotional roller coaster. And and what you need is not just peace, but also strength to keep moving forward, strength to encourage others, strength to just continue to be strong in your faith. And and I found that through my church community, I found that through prayer, I found that through, of course, God's word. And and it always amazes me, even to this day, that the Bible is so relevant to what we're going through. And if you just thumb through there to whatever ails you right now, you will find something that will help you be at peace and not just peace, but let you know what you can do to move forward. So that that's a section of it. And the last two sections I'll kind of rope together because I think they kind of go together is hope and moving forward. So how through God's presence in my life I was able to find hope in the future. Again, you know, it's beyond our understanding. He knows what my future is. He has better plans for my life than I could ever imagine. And coming to that understanding has helped me move forward and continue to share my story and continue in the journey to conceive. So in each of my sections, those five different ones, and each day, I provide a little bit of a journal prompt as well, just to you for you to write down your feelings, as I found that was very needed in my journey. Um my thoughts are all jumbled up here, so it's nice to write it down on a piece of paper and maybe just prayer concerns as well in that journal entry. But um, yeah, I just I hope that you know, if if you read my my book, it really guides you through some of the things that you're you possibly could be experiencing um during this this time.

Ellen Krause: 14:34

Absolutely. And you know what, Emily, it's your personal touches of um sharing your story at the beginning of each of those days of devotionals that I found so touching and relatable so that it will be an encouragement because you are someone who's walked in those footsteps and that can be an encouragement to someone else. You know, one thing that you mentioned that I just want to add on to for our listeners is you can't underestimate the value of being in some type of a women's small group uh or Bible study group. You know, I was in one for over 20 years of a mom's group, and I can't tell you how many times, like within those groups, God put just the people that needed to be there. And there would be one person who was going through a situation similar to what you'd be going through, and then there would be another mom who had already walked that journey and was able to just you know encourage, lift up, share, pray, and it's just so incredibly valuable. So um you have that part of it. You know, you mentioned that the Bible is not void on this topic, right? We learn, we can learn from the women who waited, such as Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth. Have there been any particular stories of these women that have given you comfort during hard days?

Emily Jackson: 16:12

Oh, you know, I mean, I think Sarah's is is one that that absolutely, and I I did mention her story in my book, just the the time of waiting for her. And and that's what this is. This journey is this season of waiting, right? And I I'll tell you, I'm not a very patient person. So I it it's difficult for me to wait. Um, but when you really rely on God and listen to Him and know that His timing is perfect, His timing is divine, as we've all heard. Um, and even just one thing I would encourage the listeners to do, if you find yourself in kind of a frustrating time of waiting, look back on other instances in your life that you've been in a time of waiting. What came to fruition after you waited? Was it better than you could have imagined? I bet it was, because I know that's happened in my life where I thought I needed something to happen right now. And then maybe what I thought needed to happen didn't happen, but something better happened. And that's because of God. That's not just happenstance. He knew that what was right for you in your life, and um, that's what's what's so wonderful about listening to him and being guided by him in every aspect.

Ellen Krause: 18:25

So true. Malie, you've been on this journey now for you said over a year and a half. What what did you want women to find in this devotional that you felt was missing as you started this journey?

Emily Jackson: 18:41

I think just simply sharing our stories. At first, I I felt so alone, and that was the biggest thing that I had so much sadness about. I just, you know, confused by my emotions and things, and and I wasn't sure who had experienced in my network the same thing. And so I think sharing our stories is so valuable, um, especially in you know your Christian communities. I mean, we're we're like-minded women, and why not share? Yes, it's a personal topic, but you you can't imagine how much you can help someone if you just share that you've had this same experience. And then, you know, I would definitely want, I've of course mentioned the Bible many times, but just to um utilize the Bible as not just something for comfort, but something that you can use to guide your feelings and have understanding of your feelings in this time. I'm thinking of a Bible verse now, um, Genesis 50, 20, that I have in my book. Let me turn to it, that really just brought it home for me. It says, You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So by just sharing my story and you sharing your story of this type of experience, you could be saving lives. You could be growing relationships with God, you could be bringing people to God, um, maybe people that have never even opened the Bible, just because they've had this shared experience with you, they might say, Hey, maybe this is where I should turn because I don't know where else to turn. And I think that's so special. And it's just such a way that we can be a light for him, um, which is is a really interesting thing for me because I've honestly before this not been someone who is just, you know, super, super open with sharing my personal experiences. Um but he really pushed me and just let me know, hey Emily, you need to share this. So if you listen to him, he he will guide you in in this path and any other paths in your life.

Ellen Krause: 20:46

Yes, and I'm so glad that you you did follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit to do that. What advice would you give to someone who wants to support a loved one who is going through infertility or loss? Like, are there th things that you should say, things you shouldn't say? What would you suggest?

Emily Jackson: 21:11

Yeah, I mean, that's it's hard. Um, I I definitely relied on my family quite a bit um, you know, in this time. I have two sisters and they were always very supportive. I think the biggest thing is not necessarily giving your opinions about the matter, um, but actively listening. If if someone is willing to share this journey with you, this this not this difficult time with you, just being actively listening and just letting them know that you're there. And it's hard to know as as a family member or a friend to know what to say. I mean, you know, in anybody's time of loss, what do you really say? Um, but just letting them know that you're there anytime they do want to talk, that you're even just thinking about them. Um, you know, just my sister would message me at random times, just, hey, I hope you're doing okay today. I'm just thinking about you or just just praying about you. And and that always means so much because as I have said many times, you just feel so alone. But when people are reaching out and you're not even having to reach out to them, um, that makes you feel like you've got a support system. So I think just support is the biggest thing.

Ellen Krause: 22:21

Absolutely. And when when you uh um can bring that forward in your own vulnerability and share this type of a burden with a trusted sister in Christ, it just can lighten that load of silence, loneliness, and all that you're bearing. How would you encourage women to keep their faith strong when the answers or healing or whatever it might be isn't coming quickly?

Emily Jackson: 22:58

I would say continue to make your time with God a habit. Um, don't just, I mean, yes, of course, in this time of needs, you're going to be likely turning to him, but keep it a habit at all times to where you're having conversations with him every day, you're praying every day, you're you're consulting the Bible. Don't just, oh, give it five minutes. And I mean, of course, sometimes you may not have a lot of time, but really dedicate yourself to not just dive into the word, but really listen to what he's saying to your heart in this journey. And and I know it's very difficult, and and we've we've said this on uh today is just give it all up to God. Um, that's that's what you you need to be able to do in order to continue to be um you know strong in your faith and continue that your path with your journey with God. And um, it's hard to do when you're you have all these stresses and worries. And I know in this trying to conceive journey, I it's very regimented and you're very much on a schedule and you're constantly thinking about it. But every time that those thoughts of, oh, will this month be the month, or am I gonna have another miscarriage this month? I would just take that time. Okay, I see these thoughts creeping in. I'm gonna pray right now, or I'm gonna dive into God's word right now. Just even if it's in the middle of the day, just take that time when those thoughts creep in and and give it all to God.

Ellen Krause: 24:25

Yes, really, just kind of come to Him with open hands and recognize that God is sovereign, He is in control, and our identity and worth is in Christ and clinging to hope, right? Clinging to hope, right? Well, Emily, tell us where our listeners can go to learn more about you and your new devotional book called The Weight of the World.

Emily Jackson: 24:56

Yeah, so my book is now available on Amazon, so you can find it there. And if you just look up either my name, Emily Jackson Devotional, or The Weight of the World, Emily Jackson, you'll be able to find it there. Um, if you don't want to search on Amazon, you can also go to my website. That's a pluswomen.com backslash Emily Dash Jackson. That website's on my LinkedIn as well. I'm very active on there, so you could just find me on LinkedIn. Um, and my newsletter is another one that you could find more about my book on, but that would be the link to subscribe on there, is on my LinkedIn. So all of those different avenues are a way that you can explore my book.

Ellen Krause: 25:39

Fantastic. Well, we will make sure we include all of those links in our show notes. Before I let you go, I have to ask some of our favorite questions here that we ask all our guests. The first one is what Bible is your go-to Bible and what translation is it?

Emily Jackson: 25:56

Yeah, so I always do um NIV is my translation. I've got two Bibles that I kind of go back and forth with. The first one my mom gave me when I accepted Christ into my life. And so it's it's pink on the inside, but she also gave me this like really beautiful cover. Um, so that's kind of my every Sunday I bring this. But my my daily one is the NIV Bible for women. And so it's got some women's experiences throughout that just resonate with different experiences that we all have. Um, and so I really enjoyed that one for kind of my study Bible.

Ellen Krause: 26:32

All right, excellent. Okay, next, do you have any favorite Bible journaling supplies that you like to use since you like to journal?

Emily Jackson: 26:42

Yes. Um, so I like to go old school with a pencil, so I really like pencils, number two pencils to be exact. Um, but I also at times will use, you know, colorful pens because I also like the like the pink and the teal and that type of thing. Sticky tabs that are also colorful just to kind of mark, you know, where my spot is or hey, I want to come back to that. Um, and then I often like to have a very decorative journal or notebook. Um, honestly, I've got way too many notebooks, but um I love I love journaling, so I can't help it. Um, and I never throw mine away. I always keep them. You never know if you want to reference them later on.

Ellen Krause: 27:21

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Okay. Lastly, what is your favorite app or website for Bible study tools?

Emily Jackson: 27:29

Yeah, I'm I'm pretty simple in that. I like the Bible app that's on your phone. I use that. I travel a lot for my job, so it's obviously very convenient to have not just the Bible there um on my phone, but also different um Bible studies on there. And then I really, really prefer physical uh Bible studies. So I will very much often use physical studies. Up right now, I'm reading The Women of the Bible, which is that year-long Bible study.

Ellen Krause: 27:55

So awesome. Okay, well, we will find some links for all of those things and put them in our show notes as well so we can have Emily's favorites. And Emily, thank you so much for your openness and sharing both your heartbreak and the hope that we have that's been woven into your story. I know this is just such a wonderful gift to the Coffee and Bible time community.

Emily Jackson: 28:22

Well, thank you so much, Ellen, for having me. It's been a pleasure speaking with you. And I hope that you know the listeners are encouraged by my story and and and just to know that you're never alone. Whether an individual has had the same story as you, but you know what, you've always got God. He's always got your back, and he's there no matter what trial that you're experiencing.

Ellen Krause: 28:43

Absolutely. And to our listeners, I just pray that today's conversation has reminded you just what Emily said, that you're not alone, whatever season you're in. God is not distant from your grief or your waiting. He is right there with you, inviting you to bring every emotion, every question, and every hope to him. We'll see you next time on the Coffee and Bible Time podcast.