Ep 192: Finding Connection After Infertility with Erin Bulcao

Infertility can be isolating, but sharing the story can help people feel less alone. In this episode of Fertility Forward, Rena and Dara sit down with Erin Bulcao, a wife, mother of three, and content creator. In their conversation, Erin shares how she discovered she was not ovulating in her twenties, the steps to getting pregnant with triplets after intrauterine insemination (IUI), making the difficult decision to have a medical reduction, and later going through years of failed transfers and miscarriage before welcoming her youngest daughter. She also talks about her marriage, therapy, friendship, and the pressure of trying to live normally while going through fertility treatment. They also delve into how infertility can affect relationships, why support looks different for everyone, and how honest conversations can create connection. Hear about Erin’s current content around motherhood, women’s health, perimenopause, and normalizing the conversations many people are still afraid to have. Tune in for insights into navigating infertility, resilience, friendship, and the value of being open about the hard parts of life with Erin Bulcao. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Hi everyone, we are Rena and Dara, and welcome to Fertility Ford. We are part of the wellness team at RMA of New York, a fertility clinic affiliated with Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Our Fertility Ford podcast brings together advice for medical professionals, mental health specialists, wellness experts, and patients because knowledge is power and you are your own best advocate.

SPEAKER_03 0:36

I am over the moon today to have one of my dear friends, Erin Volkow, who's also a wife, a mother of three girls, and a content creator who shares her candid stories about marriage, motherhood, woman's health, and life after infertility. After spending part of her childhood in Mexico City and most of her adult life in California, thankfully, she moved to New York City to be closer to me with her family two years ago. And today she is here to share her decade-long fertility journey story with us.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

I'm so excited. This has been a long time in the making. We instantly connected when her daughters came to my daughter's school last year. And we instantly connected when we both found out that we had fertility struggles. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Yes. I remember talking to you, and then Melissa just kind of went on with everything that we had in common. And then you told me about this that you all do, which I think is amazing. And I always say the more conversation we can have, the more different stories you can put out there, the more other people can feel seen and connected and just be able to find help or anything.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Yeah. But isn't that I think that's one of the silver linings, you know, when you're going through this journey, but it really can lead to connections and really deep connections with people because knowing that someone else went through this total instant connector, very authentic. And so I say that for those that are really deep in it and struggling. And, you know, connection is so important. And I know Dara, I know you, Erin, like really making friends from connecting from the experience. So I'm glad they are both open about it to share, to be able to connect on that level.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Yeah, definitely. I mean, I think I've met so many good friends along the way through opening up and sharing my story, you know, because then they say, Oh, well, I went through that or I went through this, and then and online. I mean, like there's people that I consider good friends that I don't even know if I've ever met in person. I have gone to meet a few along the way, but yeah, it's it's wild what it does. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

But I think even just touched upon the power of connection is so important. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 2:59

So we'd love to hear how it all began in terms of what brought you here to tell your story. How did it all begin?

SPEAKER_01 3:07

Infertility kind of slapped me in the face. Nick and I got married. I was young and at 26, I wanted to start trying. And so I got off the pill, like most of us did back then. And I wasn't getting a period, but we were actively having sex, and I just thought, like, what's going on? You know, so I went through like boxes of pregnancy tests, and that was traumatic because I just kept thinking I was doing it wrong, peeing wrong, because everything was negative. And so after a few months, I went to my gynecologist, and she's like, You're actually not even ovulating. So we need to send you to a specialist. So I went to a specialist in San Diego, and I mean, this was now 16 years ago. So at the time, really nobody was talking about it, and there wasn't that many specialists, and so it was like a tiny little office, and they're like, Yeah, you know, you aren't ovulating. We can try an IUI and triun insemination. And I just said, do whatever. I don't even know. I did no research, I didn't care. I just wanted to have a baby. And I was just felt really embarrassed. I was really sad because I'm like, first of all, who in their 20s has problems having kids because nobody talks about it, right? I know, but you didn't, I didn't know. It's like everybody here must be in their 40s, like you know, and so I was like, do whatever you want. I don't even know. So they gave me all the shots, all the medication. I tried clomid, that didn't work. So we just went straight to estrogen shots and we did an IUI, and I ended up getting pregnant with triplets the very first time. The rules have changed in the fertility world because I know now they wouldn't even allow, I think they'd be very cautious if even two mature eggs had the possibility of dropping. Back then, they just there was great, you're like full of eggs, let's do it, you know. So I went in for my IUI, and then a few weeks later I was bleeding like very heavily, so I thought I was miscarrying, and I went into the doctor and he's like, actually, this happens often when you're carrying multiples because your hormones are just going crazy because you have so many things happening. And I said, multiples, and you're like, Yeah, you're you're carrying triplets. So that kind of shocked us because we were 26 and 30. And, you know, after having to do this, now you're hit with three kids. And the doctor immediately, I would highly suggest getting a medical reduction. So now you're facing a whole nother thing that you never thought you'd have to face is having to have essentially an abortion. And I had to make a decision within two weeks because he said, you know, your size and just it's probably not gonna be a good pregnancy, like, more than likely, your health will be at risk, as will the triplets health. So they highly suggested for me to drive to LA, have the medical reduction, and I did. I am fully in support of my decision to this day, but it was very emotional because you had to sit in the OR room at the time and like their screens everywhere and they do it. I didn't choose which baby to do this to. It was kind of just whatever was easier to access. And then we drove home. And then my husband's like, I never want to talk about it again. And I'm like, need to talk about everything. So that was already a huge, foreseeable issue. But that was that. And I had a really great pregnancy that I had the twins vaginally, other than them tearing. Oh, you. Yeah, I know. That's like they're 30 minutes apart.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Wait, but I want to go back because that's what the therapist in me needs to interject and say, because this comes up so often in couples, right? Where one person processes by really wanting to talk about it and the other person doesn't, you know what I how I usually counsel people, grief manifests in different ways. And one of the most common reasons for couples or any sort of relationship could be with friends, family, et cetera, is when people are navigating grief in different ways. And so if one, so there's five stages of grief. They're not circular, they're not linear, but it's denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And so if one person is in denial, they don't want to talk about it. One person is in anger, maybe they really want to talk about it and be angry, right? Those two don't mix well. And it can cause a lot of stress and tension. And so how I cancel couples or individuals that come to me, you know, one is to first sort of hash that out and realize, okay, this is what's going on here, right? Doesn't mean that we're not both having feelings about this, but we're dealing with it differently. And then how to navigate that together. And so I think that's really important to point out. And thank you so much for sharing that. And so then I would ask, how did you navigate that? Right. If you really wanted to talk about it, your husband didn't.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

I know it was a long time ago, but if you yeah, we didn't talk about it because we also said we weren't gonna tell anyone. So we didn't tell anyone. And when the twins, when I started blogging, which was 2019, so I was already on my second whole like infertility situation, and I needed to just start spitting things out, and I did, and we saw how great those connections were and how great talking about it made me feel because I was just so depressed. I said, I just really need to share this, you know. And I said, I can't like pretend like it didn't happen because such a big part of our story is can you allow me to talk about it? And so I actually put it out there first, and I wrote a blog about it, and you know, I got you name it kind of comments on both ends. And it kind of opened the book for us, and we had been seeing a therapist ever since the beginning of time, it feels like, for multiple reasons. He was very verbally abusive at the beginning of our relationship. Honestly, I don't really think it's because of infertility because it kind of happened a little before that, the very early stage, but I'm sure that didn't help. And so at that point, when I started sharing it, we had already gone through, like, you know, I had asked for a divorce, we'd come back from that, he'd already gotten anger management help, and he was on a completely other, the other side. And I always say I'm shocked that he agreed to get help and fix everything. And we are now great. I mean, we're not ever gonna be perfect. But at that point, we were ready and he was very into therapy, very understanding what it means to talk and to share and communicate. And so he understood the reason that I had, you know, for wanting to share it, which then led us to be able to talk about it in therapy.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

That's great. Thank you so much for sharing that another plug for the importance of therapy. Yeah, it sounds like you both have great communication and your husband was really willing to do the work.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Yeah, he was. It was great. I had given him an ultimatum, and so I said, either we go, we had already been going to therapy, but in his brain, we were going for me and not for us or him. So I kind of just said it's six months because he said he could change. And I was like, look, you know, we both deserve to be happy. And if you know, there's just a lot you have to work through, and we all do, and but like you have to do it too. And so he did, and he wanted to, and it's a constant work in progress for us, and we know that about each other, and we continue. We actually have therapy on Monday, so we keep going at it.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Good. You have a partnership. I think that's yeah, great. That even though it may not be his comfort zone, it says a lot about him that he cares about you enough that he's willing to even step out of what he, I'm sure, would want to do, knowing that it means so much to you. So that's pretty remarkable.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

So for you for showing up and sticking with it and being really open that relationships are our work. They're work, they require maintenance, and there is no perfect relationship.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

100%. And I think it's just a good reminder for both of us because you know, we both kind of if we get on like this high and we're good, and we kind of forget that that's great, but it's okay if it goes back down a little bit. And you know, so it's a constant for us both, but I I do pat myself in the back a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 11:12

So take us to the next step in terms of so your daughters are born, and what are your thoughts about expanding your family? Or, you know, is it something like right away? I want to have more kids.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

No, it wasn't at all. I actually had an umbilical hernia and my muscles tore. So it wasn't even like the di how do you pronounce that? I always miss it. Diasterect directi. It wasn't even that, it they just tore. So she's like, there's nothing you can do but surgery. And I looked like I was still six months pregnant, six or seven months like postpartum. And I'm small, so I went back to my normal weight right away. It was just my stomach, and people would stop me, like, when are you due? So, just like as a 27-year-old, it was weird. So I decided to go for it blindly to do the whole stomach surgery situation, which was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Like, people always say, Should I do it? I'm like, I don't, don't ask me. But I did it. I'm very thankful I did. And so then that first year, I did it when they were six months, and then after that, that's when like Nick and I were not in the best place. So until we kind of fixed everything, which was probably the twins were five going into kindergarten. I was like, We're not doing any more kids. And then everything kind of like got a lot better. A year passed, they were in school, and I was like, okay, like I feel like something's missing. Not to say that I won't be very happy with what I have, but I feel like we could try again. And so we knew I still had never had a natural period. So it's like obviously we still need to go and totally different. I said, let's go do IBF because it'll be a shore of things since our IUI works so well, it's supposed to work better. Let's have a boy. I mean, literally, I said all this. And so I went in and we did the first round. I got one normal embryo transferred, failed. So that was devastating in the eye-opening. And that was at the end of 2018. So then I did, long story short, within three years, I did four egg retrievals, seven transfers, another IUI, and had one very lengthy miscarriage that was very intense. I ended up having to take the misoprostal pill to have everything come out because I miscarried it 10 weeks. And they wanted me to catch my the fetus. So I had to put it in a bag and take it into the office. And of course, there was nothing to be tested that came back unconclusive as we figured. And then I was still bleeding out for like three months, and so they finally realized I still had tissue in there and they had to go in and do a DMC anyway. So it was just like a nightmare. Um horrible. Yeah. So now, you know, people do ask, like, oh, do you recommend this or this? I was like, to be honest, because of my experience, I would recommend for you to go do a DMC always because you'll be no matter what, we're gonna be having to wait a little bit of time, but my from just from experience. And then we had to wait a little bit. And so, anyway, after all of that, I had one embryo left, and it was 2020, right before the pandemic hit. And I was done because I was like, I can't, I was crying every day, like, couldn't get out of bed, and I had my twins. Like, it was I've never been felt that way before. And what people don't tell you is like, you know, you go off and on these very intense medications, and I always had to have like the highest dosage of everything, and then you stop, and so you're you're just crashing aside from losing a baby, right? So it's like a combination of the two, and I really did not know how it was gonna come out of that. And my husband's like, You have one more, like, let's just give it another shot, switch doctors. And I said, You're right, because I feel like if I don't do it, I'm probably gonna regret it. And then came my pregnancy with my now five-year-old. And then transferred, found out I was pregnant two weeks later, and literally the office is shut down the next day.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

Well, I was gonna say, what did it overlap with COVID? Like, were you affected in any which way for follow-ups? I'm assuming.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

I was very affected with follow-ups, which was horrible because they wouldn't let Nick come in. And I was so traumatized to be in an office because I've had so many miscarriages and been told that you know there's no more heartbeats or the viability. So I would go in just like so anxious, but I would still come out anxious because I also knew like it could end tomorrow, you know. What I started to do when the baby got a little bigger was I found these smaller like mom and pop ultrasound centers. It basically was just technicians. Um still exists.

SPEAKER_00 15:40

I have patients that will go because I always encourage if they have a lot of anxiety to get an extra scan. So those definitely exist.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

So we did that a lot. Um to come to that. Yes. So they let him and the girls come to that because it's just us with masks in a room, which they let us do that. So that was really nice because that was the only way he was able to see any of it. And then I would always do those like right before my OB appointment, because then I could go in knowing, like, okay, I just saw her, I think it's fine. So I felt a little more confident going into the doctor's office. But he was able to be there with me for delivery, which was great. So yeah, she was born on election day.

SPEAKER_03 16:23

So you were already blogging at that time. Yeah. Throughout your challenges going into like trying that second round or all those rounds, did you blog continuously or did you kind of take some time off?

SPEAKER_01 16:38

So I didn't start right away. So it started like fall of 2019. So I had already been through a couple retrievals and probably like four transfers by then. But that's kind of when I decided to put I decided to do a blog to like write blogs. And my friend was like, and then what? I was like, I don't know. I just put it out there. She was like, that doesn't okay. So she's like, put it on Instagram. I was like, I don't know how to do that. So she helped me like create a page because I had just was posting my whatever, you know, like your fake happiness on Instagram. So I created a page, and this is kind of how it got started, and then it just grew and grew and grew because the infertility world and community is huge, and it was huge online, and I had no idea. And so when I started sharing it was more to be honest, selfishly, I did it because it just made me feel better and it made me feel like I could get my stuff out there without having to like call every friend and call my mom, like to like just read it, you know, because sometimes you just don't feel like regurgitating all the things, even to this day. Like when I do stuff like this, or you know, do things, you know, for National Fertility Awareness Week, like it's hard, it's hard to go back and open everything up. And at the time, everything was very fresh and also happening at the time. And so it was really helpful for me. And I met a lot of people and I felt so connected and I saw a lot of accounts, and I was starting to follow accounts for me. What was helpful was following accounts that had kind of a long history of failed transfers, failed attempts, unexplained infertility, but then having a successful transfer because I said, okay, it can happen. That was helpful for me. And so it just started to grow. And I would just go and I just shared as I went, you know, like I was like, I have a transfer today. And I mean, maybe it wasn't like hour per hour, but it was real time.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

Well, it's interesting how you were putting it out there to get it off your chest, but at the same time, you also found other people, maybe a little bit further along, to also get that support in a way. Did that help? Because I was gonna ask, like before all this, like, you know, you spoke a little bit about Nick, but in terms of did you have a support group and friends in your family, in your parents, or was your biggest support at that time kind of this community online?

SPEAKER_01 18:53

It was the community online because to be honest, I had a couple really good friends that like helped a lot with the twins because I felt like I don't know if you guys have experienced this going through your own infertility situations, but I just felt like I couldn't think about anything else. And I still to this day, the one regret is that I didn't live enough in the moment because I was constantly like, well, I can't buy those jeans because I might be pregnant, or I can't take that trip because I might be pregnant, or like I don't want to commit to you know doing this with the twins in kindergarten because what if I have a doctor's appointment? Like that's and I'm still so sad about that, and I still work through that in therapy. And so I did have a couple of really good friends that you know would help me pick them up if I did have to be in the hospital or whatever. But other than that, I lost a lot of friends because I think a lot of people don't some people just can't be there for certain people during hard things. And that's okay. And it was also hard for me to talk to anybody that hadn't gone through it because ultimately you really don't with any situation, you don't know unless you go through it, right? And so finding people that like would understand when I said, like, I can't be happy even if we're here. I know I have two kids, but like that shouldn't take away from me wanting another kid. You know, a lot of my friends are like, why don't you just stop? You know, you already have two kids. And I'm like, would you ever say that to somebody that is fertile? Like, no, if someone tells you they're trying to have another kid, you would say, like, amazing, like, congratulations, you know? And so a lot of the friendships and community that I had in person that hadn't gone through it or hadn't even known anybody that had gone through infertility, just for me kept saying the wrong thing because they didn't know what to say. And it just, it was really hard.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

I talk a lot with people about that and the idea of impact versus intent and that humans lean away from discomfort, right? Humans don't lean into comfort. You know, if you say that, oh, someone passed away, somebody most likely says, Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, they don't usually ask a lot of questions because humans are very uncomfortable with that. And so I always say it's really important to set people up for success. And so if you are going to share, and I know that this feels really unfair, right? That okay, how come I now have to manage this other person's feelings? But to really be able to say, like, I'm gonna tell you something and then I need you to ask me about it, or I don't want to talk about it at and really let people know what you need because everybody's different. And also what you need could be really different today than it is next week. And so kind of the idea that you had with your blog, right? That like I don't want to have the same conversation over and over again, just go to my blog. But submit, you know, if you have an outlet like that, or if you have a point person who can sort of send out emails for you, right? That, hey, this is what we have going on this week. Here's how you can help, et cetera, et cetera. And kind of be organized about it because you know, so many of my clients, and I know myself I struggled with this. It sounds like you struggled with this, Aaron as well, Darren. I don't want to make an assumption for you, but I will lump you in and say, maybe you. Through this as well, but yeah, that idea of being really mad at people and then pushing people away, losing friends. I know I also lost friends, and that's one of my regrets as well. I don't like to live with regrets, but looking back, reflections. I'll I'll say reflection instead of regret. But I would have handled that differently and maybe helped people support me.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

I like that. Yeah, I get a lot of asks, like my friends going through this. What do you think they need? What should I say? What should I get them? And I always lead with what just ask them. Because I said, I think what I need, like you said, is different than what they may need. But then even knowing that you care enough to ask, I think is a huge flux that you already have. The fact that you're concerned and you want to know what to ask or how to ask. So I said literally just say exactly what you're saying to me, to them, you know.

SPEAKER_00 22:50

Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's really hard, you know. So many of my clients and women that go through this, I think one of the hardest things is thinking that you can be the same person you were before and have, you know, the same operating capabilities, the same capacity, the same physicality, the same emotional health. And that's not realistic. And part of it is being able to take the time to really be mindful about that and accept it. And it doesn't mean that it's forever, but it means that right now I'm going through something, right? I've added something into my life. And so that means that A, I need to take things out because if I add and I don't take out, then now I'm overflowing with my capacity. And B, that okay, I need to maybe make some changes to be able to get through this. Because if I was running 100 miles a week before, well, that's not feasible right now, right? And so I'm making this choice, this is what I'm doing. Again, doesn't mean that you're not gonna get back to the person you were before, if that's your goal. But okay, how can I get through this now? And so I'm not putting the same expectations on myself that I was before, because then that's gonna make me feel bad, right? If I'm not beating myself up, that I'm not running a million miles a week while I'm doing fertility treatment, that's making me feel even more less than, right? Instead of saying, okay, now that, you know, that's not my goal, but my goal is movement. And so my goal is to walk for 30 minutes a day, right? Okay, now I feel really good because I'm achieving that goal. I'm not looking at what I'm not doing, I'm looking at what I am accomplishing. I love that. Yeah, good. Let you sit with that for a while. But I think, you know, particularly as women, you know, not just in this process, but as women, you know, and I know as we age, right? And I I'll disclose I'm going through this myself, right? I'm aging, I'm 40, and I'm realizing I do not have the capabilities I had when I was 20. My body is different, you know, my capacity is different, and that's been really hard. But now I'm sort of leaning into that and looking at, okay, well, what can I do? Not what can't I do. What can I do? I'm 40 years old, I'm not 20. Okay, let me meet myself at this age and at this stage.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

I mean, Erin, that's what I'm I love with your current content. You still add a lot about you know your fertility struggles, but you're also thinking in real time about what you're going through now, which Aaron and I have definitely spoken about are, you know, I know gracefully.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Yeah, we are. Yes, we I noticed that on your Instagram too. And I love it. I think it's really important to talk about, you know, again, we see the same people all the time.

SPEAKER_03 25:30

And also normalizing these changes and normalizing these experiences, you know, just like when we were starting out with pregnancy, it wasn't really spoken about. It's the same thing with perimenopause and menopause, it's not something that's really been spoken about that much in public. So I think you are like a translator in that way.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

I mean, yeah, because I think people jump from like you're fine to menopause and they like forget about the middle part where I mean what I've been learning as menopause is one day, whereas perimenopause is like leaps, and it's just so awful. But like we all go through it, and it's just wild to me how it's not the first thing we read about when we wake up. And like to me, this is what should be in the headlines because we have to talk about it. I know, but it's like wild. I mean, again, it's like in fertility, it's like miscarriages, and like I mean, in the parametabod, it's literally everybody, so it's not even a one in six, one in four situation unless there's some magic pill that someone's taking, which they're gatekeeping. I don't understand how we don't talk about it. So it's like that's for me, my whole page is just kind of like, look, I know I'm comfortable being very, very open. And again, sometimes it's a lot. And my husband's like, if I tell you this, you can't share it.

unknown 26:46

Like, okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

I try not to tell share anybody else's story, it's just all me, except obviously there's things that he's done that affected me or that we do together. And if it has to do with him, I always ask him first, and he's usually fine with it. But with that said, it's like I share because I know a lot of people don't feel comfortable doing it, and that's totally okay, right? But it's like it helps me to share because people write to me and they're like, oh, me too, me too. And I'm like, okay, great, glad I'm not alone, you know, and then it just reminds you that everybody's going through it, even if they don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 27:17

Yeah, you're helping normalize it. And I think it's such a gift, people who are open and honest and not only share, you know, the facade of everything's good, it's all good, you know, which hopefully we all experience. There's a lot of good, yeah. A lot of that, but also recognizing that there are hard moments in life. Life, the beauty of life is that it's not always this perfect trajectory. It's we have those setbacks, and I think that's what really helps build our character and helps with our growth. So you're definitely a testament to that.

SPEAKER_01 27:50

Thank you. I always joke with Nick because I'm like, I don't, when you have to go to like dinners or things that I don't know anybody. I'm like, it's hard because I don't know how to small talk.

SPEAKER_00 27:59

So either people are really weirded out by me, or I just the same way. I'm either in or I'm out. I'm not, I don't don't give me any fluff. No, I'm like, if you want to be my friend, let me tell you about let's talk real content here. Let me tell you about my vagina. I'm raging right now. I have brain fog. I'm so angry and I'm having hot flashes.

SPEAKER_01 28:19

Right. And I'm like, I have no libido and I don't want to have sex, but I'm also annoyed if he doesn't ask me to have sex. So, like, what do we do? Right.

SPEAKER_00 28:25

Basically, it's so complicated.

SPEAKER_03 28:27

I love it. I think you love it.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

This is the best to talk about though. And I I find that sometimes now I'll be in such a state and I'll just, you know, like be in line somewhere, you know, and you like feel yourself just like raging and you realize, okay, this is so irrational. But when you name it, and I do this with clients all the time, like just name it, right? I'll just tell the person, just like this is this is how I'm feeling and this is why. And most of the time, especially if you're sharing with a woman, you know, that like that launches right into like instant connection. Let's talk about. And I think it's so much better to be authentic because one, it means you're living in alignment with yourself, right? Which is a much better state to be. And then two, it brings some levity, you're able to voice it and it brings it's it's human connection. Yeah. Right. You know, it's like if you see someone else, and it's sort of like the the very common psych example of the road rage, right? And someone laying on the horn, you know, giving the finger, cursing, like it's not because another car cut them off. It's whatever other thing or whatever happened before or was going on in their life, right? And it's being taken out that way. So just to be able to talk about it, because humans want to connect. And so if you tell someone, right, like this is why I'm acting this way, most of the time that there's empathy given and connection because everyone's going through something. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

I agree. I know. And it's a good reminder I tell that to my girls too, because they'll come in like so-and-so, did-da, I'm like, maybe they're having a hard day. Like maybe they don't have somebody like you guys have at home because we talk about everything. My kids are in therapy, like, and they're they've parade it around, you know, like they just for fun. I mean, not like just to have someone. They've been seeing a therapist for like two years now, just because I think it's important for them to have someone. But we normalize all that. We talk about orgasms. Like, I'm just like, we need to just be all of this happens to everybody. So let's just talk about it. And I want them growing up knowing that, like, it's okay if you talk about this, it's okay if you are curious about this. Others may not be, but like you can be either a sounding board or you can also have the information that you may need and/or have someone to come talk to, right? And then it creates the sense of empathy and the reminder that everybody's gonna go through all of this and maybe they don't have an outlet, you know.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Totally, and we're all human.

unknown 30:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:50

By the way, let's talk about your awesome name on Instagram and TikTok. So long. It's my beautiful blender. I think it's such a cool and original name.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Thank you. Thank you. It kind of felt appropriate for the time being, and it still kind of does. I don't know. It's just hard to give my email up because people always will do like blender, like a capitalize on that though, you know.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Make a blender. Okay, you're not wrong, right? You know, selling some products with the content, blender. My husband would love you for that. He's always like, What's your next move? I'm like, I don't know. A beautiful blender where we can have a lovely.

SPEAKER_01 31:37

I've been such a business, has a such a business. I'd be so annoyed. I'm like, I don't have a plan. It's just what's happening tomorrow. And now I need to figure out all the logistics for the rest of the day.

SPEAKER_03 31:46

I'm living in the moment. You're making up for lost times of not being in the moment that you're living in the moment. But everyone really should check out Instagram, her TikTok. I get a kick out of it, just seeing what is going on in her life day to day, how real you are, how an amazing mother you are, amazing wife. You know, you're you inspire me. I like being vulnerable, but sometimes I question it. And then I see my friends who are out there doing great work, and it really pushes me to do the same. So, really, Aaron, your your story is phenomenal. Your friendship's great. And I'm happy that you really I love hearing stories because we all have our own unique story to tell. But I know that every story can really speak to people out there. So thank you for sharing it. And I'm not sure if you know, but how we end our podcast is with words of gratitude. So are you grateful? I know there's lots that you're grateful for, but what are you grateful for today?

SPEAKER_01 32:46

Okay, I'm very grateful to be here, and I'm not just saying that. I promise I've been like so excited. So thank you, and thank you for creating this platform for not just me, but like everything you guys do on here. I think it's so important. And I'm very grateful that I got to talk to my twins today on their birthday and that they're we need to tell them they're in Spain.

SPEAKER_03 33:05

So if they're not I saw a bar too.

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Oh, yeah, they're in Spain. And I saw Bardo, I was like, hi, and they look happy and they've already bought too many things and they're all wearing henna stuff. I'm like, okay, great. But I was really happy that I got to talk to them and they're 15. And my aunt my aunt always says I get so sad around their birthday. She's like, if they're not turning another year, what's the alternative? So I love that because it reminds me that like this is good. It's good that they're getting older. Beautiful.

unknown 33:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

What about you? I will go with grateful for health because health is wealth. And so health is really important. And, you know, as we're talking, I think it's just really important to share and be authentic. And if you're going through something, instead of trying to be the person that you were before, just opening up about it. You know, I've just been going through some health things myself and just being able to share and say, hey, listen, this is what I'm going through. I don't want to make a commitment and then cancel. So I want you to know this is why. And I've done that a couple of times. And people have been just so receptive and kind and even disclosed their own things to me. And so gratitude for that. What about you, Dara?

SPEAKER_03 34:24

I was thinking about friendship, you know, before coming on and recording. I was like so excited today, A, to see Rena, who I haven't seen in a while, and B, to see you, Erin. Like just to know that in two years, like having and building our friendship, it's been so nice not only to see our girls get closer, but just to see how our, I mean, we're mahjong buddies now.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

I love it. Thanks to you, because I knew nothing. You're like, come play. I'm like, I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

But I was reflecting this morning and I was telling Jay, like, I'm really lucky. Like, I have a really good friend in Aaron. And it's amazing to see how like a friend in such a short period of time really can leave such a big impact in my life. So I'm grateful for you and you too, Rita, just to have really good women supporting me. And hopefully I could be there to support both of you guys.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

So you are, yes, all of that and more. We love you all.

SPEAKER_03 35:22

Thank you. I'm so happy we did this. And Erin, anything in the future that you want to share with our community, just let us know we are here for you.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Oh, gonna work on that blender. Yes, I can't wait. The glory. Yeah, me too. I love that.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

Thank you so much for listening today. And always remember, practice gratitude, give a little love to someone else and yourself. And remember, you are not alone. Find us on Instagram at fertility underscore forward. And if you're looking for more support, visit us at www.rma ny.com and tune in next week for more fertility forward.