In this episode, Ruth & David discuss how family and friends can be effective allies to loved ones living in abuse. Victims often first disclose to friends and family members. Even with the desire to be supportive, kin can respond with judgment and victim blaming. These responses can have the effect of silencing the survivor, increasing their isolation, shame, and sense of being trapped. David and Ruth offer practical tools, strategies and language for friends and family in how to partner and support a loved one navigating domestic abuse and coercive control. Definitions of Coercive Control and Domestic Abuse are outlined to help friends and family identify and understand non physical forms of abuse and the risk and harm associated with those forms of abuse.
Drawing from the Safe & Together Mode's partnering framework, used to train social workers and professionals in the domestic violence and child protection fields, Ruth and David discuss the importance of affirming, asking, validating, collaborative planning, and documentation. Ruth and David touch on diverse topics such the unique barriers to disclosure faced by survivors in same sex relationships, how cultural beliefs about gender encourage victim blaming and increase the ability of perpetrators to entrap survivors, and how to really listen to a loved one who is being abused while maintaining a behavioral focus on the Perpetrators choices to harm and abuse. Ruth speaks about her own experiences as a survivor who faced judgement and disbelief by friends and family, and how it impacted her and impeded her safety and healing.
***This podcast does not represent legal advice, and is not intended to replace accessing formal services.
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."