The most dangerous sentence in domestic violence work might be the quiet one: “That’s not my role.” When a father is using coercive control, every service provider who meets with him becomes part of the safety net or part of the loophole. 

David and Ruth sit down with Rodney Vlais, a widely respected voice in men’s behaviour change, to talk about what it actually takes to build accountability without sliding into collusion, blame-shifting, or a checkbox “program completed” mindset. 

They explore Rodney’s path into this field, including the personal work of confronting shame and entitlement while keeping the focus where it belongs: men’s choices and the harm those choices create for partners and children. Then they get concrete about practice. What are “courageous conversations,” and how can child protection, family support, mental health, alcohol and other drug services, housing, legal workers, and probation build the skills to name patterns of violence early and consistently? They also question the fantasy that a 12- or 24-week intervention can reverse a lifetime of conditioning, trauma, and social permission, and they map a wider ecosystem of responses that can scaffold real change. 

Ruth, David, and Rodney also spend time not only what they are moving away from but what they are moving toward: care, connection, and consent as living standards, not slogans. Finally, they zoom out to systems change, the gap between best practice and worst practice, community responders, and the growing pressure of the manosphere and backlash politics that weaponise men’s insecurity while escalating misogyny. 

If you want practical language, sharper thinking, and a steadier way to hold the line on safety, listen now. 

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Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real

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