Breast Cancer Survivorship: What Life After Treatment Really Looks Like

Breast cancer treatment may end, but survivorship brings a new set of physical and emotional challenges. In this deeply personal conversation, host Johanna Gomez and fellow breast cancer survivor Andrea de Armas share what life after diagnosis and treatment has really looked like for them.

They talk candidly about the parts of survivorship that are often harder to see from the outside, including:

• Building a strong support system and learning not to go through cancer alone
• Being diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age and confronting an unexpected future
• Speaking up, asking questions and advocating for yourself during treatment
• Anxiety, panic attacks and the emotional impact that can continue after treatment
• Body image, reconstruction and learning to feel comfortable in a changed body
• Dating, relationships and family planning after breast cancer
• Why the end of chemotherapy or radiation does not always feel like the end of the journey
• Finding perspective, confidence and hope while moving forward

Johanna and Andrea offer an honest reminder to anyone facing breast cancer: survivorship is not one single moment. It is an ongoing process of healing, adapting and learning how to live fully again.

Host:
Johanna Gomez
Breast Cancer Survivor
Award-Winning Host & Journalist

Guest:
Andrea de Armas
Breast Cancer Survivor

If you found this episode helpful, we also recommend the following:

Life After Breast Cancer: Fear, Healing and Hope

Breast Cancer in Young Women: Signs, Screenings and When to Speak Up

Breast Cancer Survivorship: 10-Years Later

Breast Cancer Diagnosis: Who Do You See First and What Comes Next?

Transcript

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SPEAKER_02 0:00

So someone asked me the other day that was newly diagnosed in her 20s as well. She's like, Will I get through this? Like all these questions, all valid and very good questions that she had. And I said, 100%, I am living proof that you will get through this, and not just myself, other women that have gone through this at a young age or older age. You will get through this.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

Welcome to Baptist Health Talk, a podcast on all things healthcare, powered by Baptist Health South Florida, your trusted source for healthcare prevention and wellness.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Hi everyone, I'm your host, Joanna Gomez. Welcome back to a new episode of Baptist Health Talk, where we answer your most search questions on trending health topics. Today we're talking about breast cancer and a part that doesn't always get the same attention as the diagnosis or treatment. What happens after? When someone hears the word survivor, they often think the hardest part is over. But anyone who has been through breast cancer knows that life after treatment is its own journey with a whole new set of questions. How do you manage the fear of recurrence? When do you start feeling like yourself again? How do you rebuild confidence, navigate relationships, and manage anxiety? And what does a survivorship really look like? As a breast cancer survivor myself, this conversation is deeply personal. We're joined by fellow breast cancer survivor and friends of ours now, Andrea de Admas. We're going to share our experiences and talk about what we wish we'd known earlier. Our hope is that we help anyone who may just be beginning their own journey realize they're not walking it alone. A word that we hear so much going through this alone. So I was diagnosed in 2017, and you said you were diagnosed in 2023. Correct. So we're just gonna do a little throwback into memory lane, as they say. My biggest thing is I remember going through this journey, and I had probably about 10 to 15 people in my inner circle that knew what I was going through, and they were with me the whole time. And I always say, everyone says, Oh, you know, you go through this, but you never do it on your own. And I'm like, amen, let's preach on that. Let's emphasize on how you don't go through this alone. You do this with like your army of people. 100% your experience as well, as we take it back.

SPEAKER_03 2:27

Yes, definitely. Um, I think once it's honestly when you have to tell people, right? So that you can build this like army and have the people behind you hard. And then once it's like 100% support, it's it's just like it's crazy. Yeah, like every single time you get a message, you're like, you had to think about making sure to check on me. You remembered when this therapy was or treatment was, and you're like, okay, amazing.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

And and the fact that you are blessed enough to say that you even had people to call, yeah, that's one thing. Going through this, I think at any age, yeah, I'm just gonna say it's just bad. It's just awful with you. And then you're going through it when you're younger. I don't want to say that it makes it worse because I just think the whole thing is bad, but it it's how you feel, at least I felt at that moment. Now in hindsight, I can say that I feel different. I could see it differently, or I can see how maybe I would like people to do you understand what I'm saying if you're not in your life. No, I know where you're going with it. How you want people to see it, how you I would want to people to see it differently. But the reality is, is that you think I have this whole life ahead of me, uh dating, getting married, wherever you are in that position. But now I'm in my 30s and my early 40s, or for some people, even in their 20s, and now I have to kind of think of how I'm gonna survive and how I'm going to live. Yeah. And it just really sucks.

SPEAKER_03 3:54

Yeah, no, sucks is the word. That's what I tell everybody. Um, it's funny because what you were saying, I was like, no, no, I'm validating. Used to be a pink ribbon, it used to be older women, like that's all you would think of. All of it. And the second you slap your face on it, you're like, what? How? Confusion. And then, like you said, survival mode, because like everything, you know, the treatment they give you is with the intention of living a long life. But then at a young age, you get slapped through the reality of like living a long life. Like, obviously, I drew you can dream a new future, but it's it can get scary when you're like, okay, I've never had to put a lot of these things into perspective because they were in my future, but you're asking me, like, are you gonna freeze your eggs? Are you gonna do this now and this and that and all that? And I'm like, sure, but I'm literally 26. I was about to start school, and I'm like, I was thinking about my career. Like, I don't know. Like, so those definitely intimidating questions. I totally appreciate where you were coming from there. 100%.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

So you're 26. I can just go back and think of what I was doing when I was 26, and pretty much I have no idea. I was just trying to go. What did you know about cancer? What did you think about cancer? Was it in your family history? Did you think ever at one point, oh okay, I'll cross that bridge when I get there? Or it's just never gonna happen. And by the way, that's how I felt. It's never gonna happen. It's never gonna happen. It's bad though.

SPEAKER_03 5:10

Zero family history. I'm like, when I'm older, sure, if it happens, like, all right, there's treatment, right? Like those, that's what you think when you're young, and as you should, right? Like, I never want anyone to think like you have to live in fear, you know, be mindful, know your body, advocate for yourself always, but with the like kind of line of know the line, don't cross it and live fear-mongering, but also like be free, you know. Cause like you said, now when I get to think back, I'm like, you know, it's a different perspective. I'm opening up to the idea of being free again. We did what we needed to do, we're gonna live our lives. But yeah, there's times and there's still times now that those little moments hit. Yeah. And it's unfair and it sucks. That's a correct word. But there's the silver lining and the like light at the end of the tunnel where you're like, okay, but I can I have my peace of mind back that was taken away for a really long time because you were in fear and survival mode for so long, so young.

SPEAKER_02 6:05

You're kind of like in the fields, in the metal, you are in the medical field. I am, I am, I am. So at that moment, you were aware of things. By the way, and I I say this to you because I'm just gonna put myself out there. As a reporter, I was assigned, I was a general assignment reporter at that time, and I was assigned many stories. I cannot tell you how many times I reported live at the walks, at breast cancer walks, all over. Never Andrea in a minute did I think I interviewed survivors. I interviewed mem family members of survivors, uh, people that were representing these foundations. Never once did I ever have Andrew with you. Yeah, you know, but you were in the medical field, so I'm assuming maybe you were aware a little bit more than I was.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

You know, I think we were on the same level because I was just starting school, right? And sure, like you're familiar with what cancer is and like the field I worked in before starting school. Like, sure, like I know what chronic illness looks like, right? And it maybe gave me peace of mind of knowing like young people with chronic illness have a lot to look forward to still because where medicine is now, but never was it a personal thing that I can embody what that person was going through, like ever, ever, ever. And what I think the same thing. Don't have family history, don't have family history of any pretty chronic condition. I was like, I'm doing medicine because it's really is my calling for a lot of other reasons. Now, per even more personal than ever. But I I'm with you just because I was exposed to it a lot, and just as you were exposed, that's it. It's so naive and in a good way, right? Yeah, but it's a reality that it can be anyone.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

Yeah, okay. So take me back when they told you that you had cancer, or when you just started to feel like you you weren't feeling like yourself, something was off.

SPEAKER_03 7:44

Yeah, so I definitely I can take you back the first off feeling ever, the lump, zero, zero doubts. I was like, oh, this is cis, fibraternoma, no problems. Like I know somebody managed to hop into, like, all good. Yeah. It wasn't really till the ultrasound where you know, I'm in the room with somebody who, again, I can respect where she's coming from. Everyone else was 50. I was 26. I was the next one called like a in an assembly line as they should, because everyone's doing their screenings appropriately. Sure. Oh, are you sure? I'm sure. Did you feel something? I did. Like, you know, you're kind of going with like, I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to, trust me, um, without being so explicit like that. And that after, you know, going over the right side, because the left side was clear. She goes over the right multiple times. And I'm like, this is weird. Because, like, yes, I know there's a lump here, but the left side is pretty quick. This side, I would have thought would have been Do you think that was the medical side of you that was automatically going like, um, kind of, yeah. Yeah. I I guess I would say that because I'm a little bit of like a practical person too, not just be like a little more on the pessimistic side. I'm just pretty practical, right? So I'm like, doesn't make sense. Like her going over so many times and stopped talking to me. Like, didn't ask further questions, was really focused on what was going on. And I was like, okay, sure. And like I, you know what the worst part was like you see me now, I'm very talkative. Like, more I was mute. I was like, okay. And I was like, every hair in your body just kind of 100%. Right. Like yeah, like everything was like everything was going off. One word, and they were like, Oh, like, let me get the radiologist and immediately, okay. Like everything was so mute. And I noticed that at the beginning of all of this journey, like, I'm sure when providers first met me, half of it was shock, half of it was just realizing, like, going through the motions of this situation, but definitely the person and the personality I grew into having after like acknowledging what was happening. But the beginning was like not a shelf of person in a negative way in the in the medical field, 100%. Like anytime I was in a doctor's office, I was a shelf of who I am with my family, definitely putting on a brave face because I don't need to, right? Like, I don't need to scare anybody. I know I'm gonna be fine. But like when you're in it in the moment, like the less I gave was better for me because I was like, I just I just need to go through this. Do you think that that was your way of kind of just pushing through it to survive? 100%. Yeah, I think it's like that thing where everyone's like you push through and everyone goes through it differently. And I think at the beginning, if I didn't think too much, like I would talk about, I would start bawling, but I could still talk through the whole thing. I go, I'm crying, I don't know why, but it's just gonna keep coming, don't worry.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

And it got better, but the emotional out of that did you have like issues speaking up to your oncologist, to any of any of your doctors saying, like, I don't want to do this. I would I by the way, I was so vocal. Oh, I was too vocal.

SPEAKER_03 10:26

I apologize to my oncologist every single time. So funny. Um, yes, and but this is where it happens. I like the butt. I wouldn't even worry about the butt. Because it wasn't so at first. So at first I was just like taking it all in, and I was just obviously saying yes because I'm like survival question mark, like whatever. But one of my really good friends just so happened, she is a breast surgical oncology PA at what now is WCI, but was MCI at the time. So imagine she took the brunt end of all of it. Any conversation because I didn't know how to understand where early stage you get the kitchen sink. Like I just didn't get it. I'm like, what like, but why? Like I'm looking up these things and maybe I qualify for what like I try to get out of chemo any way I could. Me too. Yeah, like anyway. Thank you. And for making me feel neat. And I would just be like, and and when I say the brunt end in the same thing, I'm like, no, but why? And why? And the next day she'd, okay, let me inquire. Like, let me, because she works in surgery, she doesn't really work in medical oncology. So that's the other thing. She's like, but I'm gonna look it up, I'm gonna figure it out. And she would explain it to me and I'd cry and I'm like, okay, fine, okay, fine. At the end of the conversation, like, she was my rock and she knows it. Because I was like, you took the brunt end so that when I would go into the offices with my medical oncology, Swiss surgery, with plastics, I was already had, I had to deal with whatever the truth was. I went through all of those emotions and then I was very straight arrow. Yes, no, yes. And when anything that was no was more like, no, I'm not gonna drop out of school to get my mastectomy now. Um, can I offer is there anything else you can offer me? Can there like those were where I was really strict on? And I'm really happy I was because my medical oncologist even said, She's like, I'm so glad you didn't, like, I'm so glad you didn't listen to me. And so was a plastic surgeon. He was like, I'm really glad you didn't listen to me too, about just taking a backseat onto life, yeah, getting treatment, and then going like ahead with life again from my personality. Because as time went on, like the first no, I think they were like, Oh, she's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, because at first I was like, like this, like because I didn't know what else to say.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:17

How proud are you of yourself now? And I can see you smiling as funny guns.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

You've ever known me outspoken. So, like earlier when we were talking about your family and your daughter, I'm like, with the time, but that's when you become proud of the personality or the person you become, and obviously it's a nurture thing, right? You learn it from your family and like the people who raised you. Um, so that's also why I say the brave face, but it comes from other people around me who kind of taught me like who I am since I was young, and like I know who I am and I know what I stand for. And I think when I started school, that was like the first time too I pivoted and had a lot of different careers in healthcare and finally found one that I thought suited me so well. So I just I was so confident so other parts, so many other parts of my life that I think here I was like, you know what? But like, why can't I say what I want to say? And like, what if it didn't work out? Like treatment was gonna work out, right? But what if the other part didn't find then I can say I'll defer and I'll do this. But if I I'm the kind of person myself, if I didn't try, I know I'd feel just guilty and kind of second guessing everything. And I'd rather just we're if we're already going all in, let me go all in in every other part of my life, why not? So yes, you are proud of yourself because I know I'm so bad at saying that because I am, I am, but I use it so other people know I'm like, it's not just a me thing, right? It's like it's an internalized thing that I everyone has in them. That's I think what I kept trying to tell people. I'm like, you were in my shoes. It's kind of like how you are. You were fighting, but you're like, I'm gonna do it because I have a family. I have like you push yourself in a different way. It's the way we express it, find it's different, but everybody has it in them, I guess is what I always want to say too.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Right. But you were so young. And you're still young, right? Yes. And I I just say that because when you're younger, it it's hard to find your voice. And I think in your 20s, you're still trying to figure out who you are. In fact, I think in your 30s and even in your 40s, you're every we're evolving, right? So the fact that you were so vocal and that you felt confident in saying, like, I will go through this, and I fine, you're gonna make me do chemo. That's kind of how I felt. I was like, you're gonna make me do this, but I'm gonna do it in my terms. Yeah, I'm gonna do it the way that I feel comfortable and it's great. Do you think that a lot of it had to do that they threw the kitchen sink at you was because of your age? Oh my, I think you were healthy. Yeah. You are healthy.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

From what I understood, right? So that was the same thing. I'm sure with you, they had to just like break it down. Let's go. Yeah, break it down and as to why, and you're like, I'm a practical person. Okay, fine. But yes, uh, the conclusion I got was yes. Obviously, after finding out the grade of my tumor, which was a grade three, which is, and for anyone who doesn't know, it's one through three. Three is the most aggressive looking. Um, so you should listen to what your oncologist says when they recommend things because it's everything is based on like data and like everything is like very, very specific to an individual, also, right? So yeah, when they put in those perspective with whatever lymph node, I was on the borderline, I had three positive, uh, four puts you at one risk, less than two puts you at another. So I was like, okay, sure, like let's do the chemo, radiation was the with the whole lymph node positivity, and then even the immunotherapy I'm on now, the hormone blocking. Thankfully, I've been okay, right? Any side effects, able to, I guess, push through them because what I feel now is normal. But yeah, I definitely just said yes because I tried to be practical about everything too. Yeah, of course. That that's pretty much it. It's a give and take. I think it's a given take. I think that's where the maturity came in, I guess is what I'm trying to say. I just tried to be like, I don't want to make a decision out of immaturity because I'm scared and I'm frustrated. That in hindsight, like I wish I would have done. I I think that's what I kept running, reminding myself after I went through all the emotions. I went like kicking and screaming, like, oh, this is not fair. Like, I don't want it. Like, let me try to find a way out of it. I think every time I was like, think about your future self, you know, like I don't know if did you have kids and were you married at the time? Yeah, yeah. I was I was married and I had little kids at the time. So that's where I was trying to be like, oh, like I would, I want to be able to, I don't know what life's gonna be, but I'm like, I want to be able to be a mom, have a family, and all these things and know I did the most for that future self of myself, I guess. I think that's the most mature thing I kept always reminding myself because everything else I couldn't imagine. Like whenever the cut the concept of freezing your eggs. Now I'm like, I can't even imagine having a child tomorrow. So I go, I don't even want to touch those those topics. I go, but everything else with treatment, I was like, I can understand where I need to be mature and not because I don't want it. Because obviously they're if you don't want it, they have to listen to you, right? Like you're you're in the you're in the driver's seat. I don't want to do that. So I think that's the the bottom line of maturity that I definitely would recommend at the end of the day, whatever age you are, especially when you're younger.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

And by the way, there's so many emotions. Yeah. I it and and I felt like it was just I was going day day by day. I was like, let me get through today and then see how I feel uh tomorrow. And then maybe when all these emotions I can just kind of put them to the side and figure out everybody else. And for me, I I can say that I I kind of kept it very private. Um, I I was still on air, I was still working, I had little kids, as you just asked. So for me, I was like, I don't want my kids to find out. They're not gonna help me through this. I have to kind of like put my big girl pants on, as they say, and kind of get through it and push through it. Um, so yes, um and that has a lot to do with it. I have a love-hate relationship with the word survivor.

unknown 17:29

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

I don't know if you feel like that. I don't know if anyone agrees with what I say, but I for me, this is just my opinion. I don't think that there's a right or wrong way to look at it, but I'm just like, we're all survivors. You don't have to go through cancer to be a survivor. I feel like every day, yes. Like every day is just about surviving. Um, but then when I look back and I think, oh, you know what? I went through 17 rounds of chemotherapy. I had a double massectomy, reconstruction, another reconstruction, another reconstruction. I had to take chemo pills after. You know what? Yeah, you're right. I am surviving. Uh this in this and in other capacities. How do you see survivorship? You don't have to agree with me that you have a love-hate relationship.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

No, I do, I do. Because I I get it. Like you see the word, and you're almost like, like, if like when I think survivor, like when you first see it, you think like a warrior back in the like war. And I'm like, what are we doing? I'm like, but like to your point, we did survive. We literally, like, if we didn't do something about it, unfortunately, like it, it could have been a very different scenario and in a terrible way, because it's just like physiologically how the body works. Let's just like leave it there. So I said, you know what? Yes, but I'm with you also on relative surviving of life. Like, you don't have to go through cancer. And when people feel that they couldn't, because that's the one thing I struggled with at the beginning when people felt like they couldn't say any problems because mine were so unrelatable. Because I was going through the worst thing anyone could have. Sure, sure, yes. I agree. Because when you Or people, did you ever find that people didn't tell you things because you were going to like you can talk to me about anything? Everything is relative. I go, we may be feeling the same emotion, whether you're feeling about this and I'm feeling about that. Who cares? At least we get to bond on it, talk about it, and like cry about it. Yeah, be humans about it. But that was my biggest takeaway. All and I still do it now too. When people try to go, relative. Remember that word relative? Yeah, we're gonna keep it in the conversation. I love that. Yeah, because sometimes, and I guess that's what would happen. I get it, my friend, friends, nobody was going through that. Or somebody that I do know that went through it, like super different a long time. So it's all different. So I'm like, it's not about the cancer itself, it's really about everything else that comes with it. And that's just kind of the card that we were dealt at that moment. Yeah. Um, but I I'm with you, and I'm glad you feel that way too, because I think that was a hard thing for me to navigate too, because I'm like, I don't want to feel unrelatable, nor do I want people to omit things from me. But I also want to stand my ground and say, like, yeah, I did go through probably the one of the worst things a human being can go through. So let me take pride in it and let me hopefully make something good out of it. But I never want other people to feel like, oh no, no, no, I can't bring that up because of X, Y, and Z. Because then I'm like, now I feel unrelatable again, and that's just not a good feeling.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Yeah, I know I think I know the answer to this, but I'm going to ask you because I think that we need to normalize this conversation when it comes to mental health and anxiety when it comes to any type of diagnosis, but just specifically because of us for breast cancer. That was my first, I had an anxiety attack, a panic attack. I could not breathe. I felt like like the water was coming on the ceiling, was right there, you know, when you watch those movies. Okay, that is the feeling that I felt. And I had never felt that in my life until I was diagnosed. And uh still to this day, it's been years, and I still deal with anxiety, and I think it's a trigger because of breast cancer of what I had to deal with. How did you manage or how are you managing, I should say? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 20:52

Um, so I definitely was a nervous, anxious little kid. Um my parents would always have to tell me, like, you you can't you can't do that, like relax, like don't think, it's okay. Like, so I was a worried kid, always. So this this just so if anything, yeah. And and it's weird because this made like when you were talking about the present, it almost like made me have to be like, all those things I used to be nervous and worried about, like, hello, this is real. And it almost kind of helped me like find my stable ground. Like instead of being fluctuating in my emotions of worried or not, it was it made me kind of a little bit stable because I had to think of the present. I couldn't think what I'm doing tomorrow. I mean what I'm doing in a week from I couldn't think, I had to be more present. I need to have to be so intentional with everything. Now, where the ticker was 100%, the iceberg tip was right after finishing radiation. I was in a place where everything then felt like it hit me at once. Yeah. Um, and that's when I sought out help immediately. Um, I sought out health psychology at WCI because I didn't know, I didn't even know how to use a word to express myself. Those were the first steps that she took. Every time she'd asked me something, I'm like, oh, I don't know. I don't know. No, I don't know. And I didn't even realize how often I was saying I don't know until she was like, How about we don't use I don't know right now? And I was like, Oh, oh, okay. Cause I was like, I didn't know that's how therapy works. I thought you just listen and then I get better. No, it's you get to see a mirror, and somebody has to like help you come out of all the things that you were holding in that you didn't know. Yeah. So I think months and to date, I we talked about it the last time, but you graduated. I graduated, and I think you told me you graduated too. Graduated too. So now I navigate life through things that I've learned before. And obviously ups and downs they happen, but it's not to the point where I don't know how to control how I feel, you know? It comes in waves, but it's normal.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

I was just kicking because I thought we graduate, but that doesn't mean we still don't have to go to class every now and then and school again. Agreed, right?

SPEAKER_03 22:45

We have to continue learning. But I think that's where it was too. So for me, I always knew what those emotions were. I have a lot of friends who in their adulthood discovered anxiety. I was like, no, no, she's been my friend for a long time. But it's just the way, yeah. Want to flick her off a couple times and just get rid of her, but she's still kind of hanging out. Instead of so much worry, it it kind of almost made me internalize so much that I wasn't expressing myself as much as I was before.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Right. So how comfortable do you feel physically with your new self?

SPEAKER_03 23:16

Um, good, good. There are moments, you know, that it's just weird. So I I didn't really have I had very small breasts, like very, very small breasts before. So even like having mastectomy and with putting an implant is bigger than anything I've ever had before. So when I had tissue expanders, that was bigger than what I looked like before. So at first, weird, very weird. Kind of looking down, it almost like morphs, it's a different kind of body dysmorphia, um, with just looking at a chest that you're just not used to.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

And then the scars, the radiation sides, and by the way, it doesn't even look the greatest, as I think people would think, you know, like there's ripples, right? And it's doesn't look perfect, doesn't look perfect. Right. And not that we looked perfect to begin with.

SPEAKER_03 24:03

I'll just say, but I know what you mean about like the tissue, like it makes a difference when there's no tissue to kind of be on top of it. Yeah, you get to appreciate whether things are there because it's just thinner area, I guess. But I am with you. Um I have my moments, right? I just I guess I also try not to think about it too much. It does get frustrating with certain clothes to you, because like I said, I was way more petite at the top earlier. So I'm like, oh my god, this looks so vulgar. Like, oh my gosh. Or things like that. That I'm just like, it's it's weird in that way, right? I know other women who've had a bigger chest, smaller chest, or the same thing, one breast and not the other. So that one, that question is so hard for me sometimes because I feel like there's other people who obviously have seen it, have experienced it differently. So I don't want to ever disregard what they have experienced because mine is just different because I just don't didn't know any better. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Well, my experience was different than yours because I was married, right? I was married, I in a relationship, kids. I I knew that I had someone that I could lean on. Your experience at the moment, were you dating? Like you were single. How do you feel now navigating through a relationship and you're so young?

SPEAKER_03 25:09

Let's go back to uh talking to a psychologist. So that was a huge point. Yeah. Um, I think a year in when the tipping point where you're done with active treatment, you look at yourself and you just kind of don't recognize yourself. I still have tissue expanders in, I'm my hair's growing out, my nails were all my like like I have great nails. Oh my it was just so much of like were your nails black? And so they they broke, they didn't turn back. My nails were black, but they broke. So I was like, again, happy to be alive, happy that my body, you know, like they she made it through, but now it's like the recovery part, and it obviously takes a toll mentally. So the biggest thing was me trying to think like, how do you even like bring this up to like to a guy? Yeah, like how it's weird, right? Like, how do you navigate this in a future relationship when I don't even know what is happening? So um, probably maybe a year after active treatment or a little less, like I started dating somebody. It was very casual at first, just since it was very, like, very friendly, casual, so easy to talk to somebody. And I was like, okay, interesting. And I guess once I kind of like let myself be open to the idea to date somebody and just like everything that comes with it, and realized that the baggage or the size of the baggage I thought I was carrying was a lot larger. I think that's the point when I realized that everything, like, no one's gonna be like, oh, this is too much to handle. So sorry. I I was welcomed very easily, and little things that I used to get a lot, a lot of anxiety about, like family planning and my future and my medicine and recover, I mean, relapse or I'm what the person's like, hold on, like, are you there? Like, let's live our life, you know? Like, I can accept all these things for what they are because I also don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow, right? So once that was said, just one time. I never had to hear it again. I didn't have to be revalidated. I didn't have to, I'm like just hearing it one time and knowing that so easily, you were like and I was like, you know what? This is gonna be okay. But that takes so much confidence. Oh, it was so scary. That's why I say that I, a big topic in therapy when I was discovering myself, it was navigating that. I'm like, I don't even know how to navigate. So it took and so I just say that I talked about that a lot, a lot. And it may sound a little superficial.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

No, why is that superficial when you're like in your 20s?

SPEAKER_03 27:27

But I laugh and I used it to her that too, and she's like, What? It's not superficial.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

It was something that also, again, it's part of life, it's reality, it's something that you have to deal with, right? Exactly. Not everyone wants to get married, not everyone wants to have kids, and that's a-okay. But if that's something that you wanted and then you were diagnosed with you know breast cancer in your 20s, it's something that you have to navigate, freezing your eggs and and and then having to have that conversation with a new person that you're just trying to meet and you don't know what their expectations are of this relationship. Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 27:59

And I was in my late 20s. Give yourself some grace. Thank you. But and that's the other thing. Like I was in my late 20s. Obviously, again, my mind was dating with intention, right? And so is this person's, but that was good to know too. So, and that's a thing. When you date with intention, you have to know what this person wants for their future too. Because unfortunately, if it didn't align, then that's okay. But it did.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

So that's what in simple terms, do you find that it is more difficult for someone that was diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age or any age, because you can date at any age to go back and date again because of your history, health. Yeah, of course.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

You think it's harder? Well, I think it's just as equal because it just depends on how you carry yourself, like you were saying, and how, but of course, there's some people out there who unfortunately that I mean, by the way, can we just say dating is hard? Yeah, that's that's kind of hard. I have single friends now too, and I'm like, I was I was you a year ago, and I know different circumstances, but still it's kind of that concept. So I I think that's that's the thing too. So dating is hard, dating with intention is hard, and then you kind of put that in the back burner, and I say harder until, like what you said, you kind of figure it all out for yourself. And if your lives don't click because that person doesn't mesh with you and what you're offering on the table, well, then that's not your person.

SPEAKER_04 29:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:12

And that and that's okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:14

So I remember counting down through my chemos, and like I was like, okay, I'm gonna get to my last one, number 17, and I'm never gonna have to feel this ever again. And then I did, and all this stress, and by the way, I kept my hair because I did the cold cap. And I was like, all of a sudden I started seeing my hair everywhere. It was just all over the floor, my bathroom, everywhere. I'm at the kitchen, and I was like, I'm done with chemo. I'm done with treatment. Why am I? I was shedding, but I still felt like the physical pain, my wrist, my aches, my body, everything. It doesn't end on that last treatment as much as everybody's like, okay, you ring the bell, goodbye, you go home, live your life, peace. It's like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 29:58

You're still in it. Oh, yeah. Did you feel like that? Oh, 100% a month. I took Snapchat, like to follow, because the same thing, like for myself. For myself, to like follow. I'm like, okay, like I don't want to look at myself now, but maybe I will in a couple months. And I laugh at looking at my last day of chemo, like you said, a month later, and I go, oh my God, who is that person? No hair, no nothing. I had a wig and I had things like that that made me feel better. But in my own privacy, I go, okay. And the same thing of just how I like my skin looked. I felt yeah, everything. And even after radiation, I don't know if you started to feel the fatigue from radiation. That was one of my main side effects. Um, and it didn't hit me until like maybe a couple sessions in, because I don't know how many depends. Wait, did you do radiation? I did not do radiation. Okay, I made it up, sorry. But so radiation kind of brought that back to me. I only did 15 sessions, um, which is the shortest amount, which was great, right? I was like perfect. But it wasn't until like halfway through, is when I started to feel like symptoms like that again, too. So I get what you mean, right? It's like when you almost feel like everything should be getting better. Oh yeah. Yeah, you're like, what? Oh, but I'm not on any more medicine orally or like I'm not, or like IVM, sorry, not orally, but things like that. So yeah, it it's a weird feeling. It's like psychologically weird as well. Cause you're almost like, am I making up right that I'm feeling this way because I'm so used to it.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

But I also felt like I think that when you're going through it, you're just kind of like you have like tunnel vision, right? You're just like, okay, I just gotta go. Like for me, it was every Tuesday, so I just have to be there every Tuesday. I just have to show up, do what I have to do when I gotta go, and I and I have gotta figure out that I can't get sick and I have to do this, yada, yada. Yeah, yeah. And then after it was just everything just fell apart because I think I allowed myself to fall apart. But then when I went back to go see my oncologist, and she was like, Oh, we're so happy you're done. But now you have to take oral chemotherapy. And I was like, Oh, I know. I was like, no, that's a horrible concept.

SPEAKER_03 31:43

I know.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Why are you doing this to me? All that, the scans after I was like, I'm still in this, it didn't help me at all. And walking into the hospital, there was a smell for me. There was everything about it just took me back. Major PTSD. Same?

SPEAKER_03 32:02

No. So I don't the place depended, right? So at the beginning, I was going in so often. So I'm like, oh my God, I'm here every day. Like, wow. But definitely when I went back after everything and I started the hormone blocking that same day, the same friend that took the bread end, called her that day. She was leaving on one of our mutual friends about threats that I couldn't go on because it was just too much. Too much for you. Um, and bald, bald, bald, bald, uh like crying. I was so scared about starting hormone therapy because I'm like, I thought it was over. I thought it was over. I'm like, I'm like, I'm now I'm scared to, I was scared to feel side effects. And it's kind of to that point. Like, I'm scared to feel the joint pain, the waking, the this, the that. I'm like, like, oh my gosh, like when does this this stop? So I've never-ending.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

It feels sometimes like it's a never-ending. But then you you do. You get through it, you get through that scariness, and then you look back and you go, Oh, I made it. So someone asked me the other day that was newly diagnosed in her 20s as well. She's like, Will I get through this? Like, all these questions, all valid and very good questions that she had. And I said, 100%. I am living proof that you will get through this, and not just myself, other women that have gone through this at a young age or older age, you will get through this. What would you say to yourself if you can go back to that day that you were diagnosed and say, okay, Andrea, what is it? You've got to do this. Like I know what I would say to myself. I would say, the more you stress, and I say this to everybody, the more you stress, the worse it's going to be for yourself. Yeah. So take a second, breathe, and you will get through this.

SPEAKER_03 33:35

I think I would say something super similar along those lines. Yeah, because I feel like the fear and the anxiety that I just kept putting in my mind is what kind of would make me take a little bit of steps back more mentally and physically. Because the same thing, I had somebody going through it at a similar time. I maybe had somebody else that I could reach out to. No, no, actually, I think it was the same person that I was going through it at a similar time. So she was like three treatments ahead of me. So when it came to like the wake, the this, the that, the side effects, like what should I do? Oh, she was she said, Oh, ask for this, ask for that. So that like relaxed me. But then for whatever feeling, I would get anxiety. So I think that's what I would say by day as I did. But do not worry. You will get through this. And just like how you talk about, because you will. And I I itch I think that's just the biggest thing. And and mean it, right? Like, like I'm not telling you're gonna get through it because I want you to just like lie to yourself. It's it's literally the truth. Do you still say that to yourself today? Oh, all the time. All the time, all the time. All the time. Anytime I want to be annoyed at something, I'm like, mm-mm. I'm like, you take these medicines. Like, actually, I went to the oncologist, I mean the oncologist, go to the oncologist, so the gynecologist for my annual um exam. And I was like laughing with her because I'm like, you know, it's crazy to think that in two, three years, maybe we're gonna talk about family planning. And I couldn't have thought about that three years ago. And I've been seeing her since I was 18. So that's why in my mind, I'm like, every day that I always want to get fresher, I'm like, you're already on year three of this. You're almost on done with that. And the things that used to be like, oh, that's in however many years, it's almost like it's tomorrow. So, but I have to remind myself because the days that you just have like a bad day. Yeah, and you're like, push. Don't, don't let, don't let the fear of anything else kind of like blind everything and every all the steps that we've gone through, like where we are now, I think. Amen. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:22

If I had a glass of wine, I would say cheers. Cheers to that. Cheers to surviving, my friend. Thank you so much for being here. Remember, viewers, be sure to hit that subscribe button on our channel here to keep up with the latest health and wellness information and tips from our experts. You can also find Baptist Health Talk on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts, so you can tune in anytime, anywhere. Thanks for watching.

SPEAKER_00 35:45

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