The greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL is calling it quits. Now he needs to convince Joe Biden to retire too.
C’mon Tom Brady—now that it’s official—now that you’re definitely retiring—can you do your country a really big favor—and take Joe Biden with you? You’ve been playing in the NFL for 22-years. That’s a very long time. It’s almost unheard of in a game where people are trying to hit you and cause as much damage to your body as possible.
But you’ve taken all of the punishment and you look like you could do it next year if you wanted to. Look at your stats for the past season—you passed for over five-thousand yards and threw 43-touchdown passes. That’s unbelievable for a man your age—or any age—for that matter. There is no doubt that you can still play in the NFL—but you are retiring because you want to spend more time with your family. Your kids are getting older and they need you—Tom.
And your wife needs you too. You have all the money you’ll ever need—and I’m sure you’ll find a lot of things to do now that you won’t be playing football anymore. You could join the Manning brothers on Monday Night Football if you wanted. How much fun would you have telling them that you have more Super Bowl rings than the two of them put together?
So—I think it’s time to do something for your country—for you fellow Americans too—tell Joe Biden it’s time for him to retire too. Look at Rob Gronkowski. He will definitely retire now that you’re not around to throw passes to him. He knows it’s time for him to retire too. Both of you will be going out at the top of your games—and there aren’t many people who get to do that—in any walk of life.
That—of course—won’t be the case with Joe Biden. Now that we’ve seen him in action—now that we’ve watched all those videos from when he was younger—now we know that he’s never been at the top of his game. He has no idea what it means to be at the top of his game—and if you pay any attention to the political polls—the only thing he knows is how to be at the bottom of the polls.
But for some reason he doesn’t see it. You can lose a step or two and still be better than most every other quarterback in football. And if you had stayed around longer no one would have had to tell you when to retire because everyone would see that you couldn’t throw the ball like you used to. You’d be throwing a lot more interceptions too. And you’d be getting hit hard by all of those defensive players who would love to end your career.
No—you’re doing the right thing by getting out while you are still a great quarterback and a great leader. Sure—you wine to the refs a little too much—and still act like an entitled little baby sometimes—but you win—and that’s what counts in the NFL.
But Joe Biden isn’t winning, is he? I mean—he’s always been a backup quarterback in politics—and not a very good one either. When Obama retired, he wasn’t even named the starting quarterback for the democrat party. They went out and signed that old pro Hilary Clinton. Even people on her own team hated her—but she was named the starter in the 2016 election anyway—and she lost.
But you didn’t quit Joe Biden. You stayed around even though you could never throw very well—and you were never a great leader. Even Barrack Obama said no one could screw things up better than you—and other people on your own team said that you’ve been wrong about foreign policy for your whole career. That’s like not being able to read defenses in football. If you can’t read the defense, you throw incomplete passes or interceptions—and Joe—you’ve been throwing interceptions for your whole life.
But you saw your chance—Joe—and you took it. You saw that you could win the big game in 2020—and you wouldn’t even have to score any touchdowns. You had the media playing defense for you Joe—and they were on top of their game—even if you weren’t. They let you stay in your basement and they blocked and tackled anyone who got in your way. They were even able to block the truth about you and your drug loving son—Hunter.
If the public had known the truth you probably would have lost the big game—but they shut the story down better than the best defense in the NFL ever could have. They did such a good job of blocking the truth about how age was catching up to you that nobody noticed that you couldn’t throw the ball at all anymore—Joe.
So—you won—and the country lost—and we are still losing. Inflation is terrible—and gasoline prices are through the roof—and crime is on the rise everywhere it seems—and the southern border is so wide open that any team can score against us—including the terrorist team. And then there was the awful thing that happened in Afghanistan—and now you seem to be calling the wrong play in the Ukraine—and we could wind up in a nuclear war with Russia.
And you keep calling people racist too—and that’s shutting off communication between people, Joe. And you must know that communication is the only way to end racism—so why are you saying things that stop people from talking to each other? That’s only making things worse between people who need to be talking to each other. We can’t be a successful team if we don’t communicate—Joe. And you said you were going to bring people together—but you aren’t.
Tom—when you went to Tampa Bay—your teammates were not playing together. They were sloppy and they made a lot of mistakes—and they were getting called for too many penalties. But they listened to you and started playing as a team because you are a great leader. Joe Biden is not a great leader—he’s not even a good leader—he’s a terrible leader—and it’s time we all admit that once and for all. And he isn’t going to get any better.
Maybe he’ll listen to you. He doesn’t seem to be listening to the American people—so maybe you can get through to him just like you got through to the Tampa Bay Bucs. Give him a call. Go to the White House. Tell him that he has a very important job—even more important than an NFL quarterback. He’s the leader of the free world-and right now the world is watching him and they don’t like what they see.
I know that the backup quarterback to Joe Biden isn’t ready to step into the starting job Tom—but I’m not sure we have a choice. Some people are saying that Kamala should go to the bench and then Joe could bring in Hilary Clinton to replace her. No—Tom—the bench their talking about is the supreme court bench—not the bench on the sideline.
But let’s take it one step at a time. The first thing you have to do is convince him to retire just like you—and that won’t be easy. Joe still thinks he can play. Right now, he’s going up against one of the toughest opponents in the league—Vladimir Putin—over the Ukraine—and nobody believes he is in the same league as Vlad. He is sending an entire team of troops to Europe as a warning to Putin that he better stay out of the Ukraine.
But Putin has sent a much bigger team to the border of the Ukraine and he doesn’t seem to care if anyone calls an offsides penalty if he crosses that border. Little yellow flags don’t bother Putin. Biden can’t play defense and his leadership is questionable. Joe Biden keeps telling us about how he took on some guy named corn pop when he was a kid—but Vladimir Putin isn’t corn pop. Corn Pop didn’t have nuclear weapons.
You were great in the last two minutes of a game—Tom. When your team was behind by less than a touchdown with under two minutes to go in the fourth quarter it was almost a given that you would take your team on that final drive to win the game. The other team never wanted to give you the ball when the game was on the line.
Nobody says that about Joe Biden—Tom. A lot of people thought you were never going to retire—they thought you would play until you had to use a walker to get up and down the field. You were never vey fast so maybe no one would notice. But you thought it over and you did the right thing for you and your family. And now it’s time for you to convince Joe Biden to do the right thing for America and retire with you.
Do your best—Tom. The country is counting on you. Joe seems to think he’s exceeding expectations. But he’s losing every game—he just won’t admit it. His contract isn’t up until 2024 but we can’t wait that long. He’s never going to take America to the playoffs—and the Superbowl is only a dream. Tell him he can go back to his basement and watch Murder She Wrote or Matlock—or even Gunsmoke. Tell him anything.
Tell him that after reviewing the way he plays the referees are kicking him out of the game—for his own good. He’s had too many concussions and he can’t do the job anymore. You can do it—Tom—you’re the greatest quarterback in NFL history. Make one last game winning drive—for America.