WEBVTT 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:01.760 Summer times. 00:00:04.400 --> 00:00:06.160 It's the time of weddings. 00:00:06.400 --> 00:00:10.480 It's the time when marriage is in the air. 00:00:11.599 --> 00:00:13.359 I love weddings. 00:00:14.480 --> 00:00:16.079 I love marriage. 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:22.879 And marriage is a profound institution created by God. 00:00:24.160 --> 00:00:33.280 We know that it came from a place of immense wisdom and goodness, and God endowed it with rich meaning and purpose. 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:39.600 And yet, marriage is a very complex thing. 00:00:40.159 --> 00:00:42.159 It's wild and woolly. 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:44.560 It will not take the bit. 00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:46.960 It's formidable. 00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:49.600 It is challenging. 00:00:50.799 --> 00:01:09.439 And if you've been married for very long, I think you have found yourself on many occasions desiring to hear from the chief engineer of marriage how it was intended to work over the years. 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:27.359 Well, today it's my pleasure to begin what will be a series, a periodic series over several months on the subject of marriage. 00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:31.200 I've entitled it A Growing Marriage. 00:01:32.079 --> 00:01:54.480 And my goal in this series is for us to focus on aspects of marriage where there is likely to be the greatest potential for traction, for traction in your marriage and in my marriage. 00:01:54.959 --> 00:02:02.719 I think that's something that those of us who are married, we always want to really get to where the traction principles are. 00:02:02.959 --> 00:02:10.000 And how can we progress and grow and move forward and be fruitful? 00:02:12.240 --> 00:02:20.719 Well, today our series is going to, we're going to begin with a passage in Proverbs 3, 5 through 8. 00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:27.680 And I've entitled this sermon today, Beginning with Humble Dependence. 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:29.599 Beginning with Humble Dependence. 00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:36.479 So I'd like you to turn in your scriptures to Proverbs 3, 5 through 8. 00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:41.199 If you don't have a Bible with you, you can find a Pew Bible in front of you. 00:02:42.000 --> 00:02:48.240 And I apologize, I don't have the page number, but it's in the Old Testament and it's probably around page 600-ish. 00:02:56.240 --> 00:02:58.319 Someone have that page for the Old Testament? 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:00.560 528. 00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:07.919 So Proverbs 3, beginning in verse 5. 00:03:08.159 --> 00:03:14.080 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. 00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:21.280 In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight. 00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:26.560 Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. 00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:33.520 It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. 00:03:34.560 --> 00:03:36.240 The word of the Lord. 00:04:19.759 --> 00:04:22.720 Maybe you've been through a painful divorce. 00:04:22.959 --> 00:04:25.839 Maybe marriage is a painful subject for you. 00:04:26.240 --> 00:04:27.360 You're welcome here. 00:04:27.519 --> 00:04:28.720 That is okay. 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:42.959 And we would like for you, as you hear these verses and hear these principles, to ask the Lord how they are going to work out in other important aspects of your life besides the marriage relationship. 00:04:45.360 --> 00:04:47.360 It's interesting how this passage came about. 00:04:47.519 --> 00:04:55.680 I had the privilege of officiating a wedding yesterday from one of our young couples here in the church out at Turtle River. 00:04:55.920 --> 00:05:08.480 And during the premarital counseling for that wedding, the bride to be selected this text as their wedding verse. 00:05:09.040 --> 00:05:12.079 And I thought, huh, that's an interesting verse. 00:05:12.240 --> 00:05:18.480 Usually it's a verse from 1 Corinthians 13 or something that highlights human love. 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:27.759 And here is a passage that speaks, amongst other things, about a deep dependence in the Lord. 00:05:27.839 --> 00:05:39.040 And the more I looked at the passage, the more I marveled at what a wonderful passage this is about in its application to the marriage relationship. 00:05:39.279 --> 00:05:51.759 In fact, I think it is so central to marriage that it was the perfect place to start in a series on marriage and thinking about how to get traction in our marriages. 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:57.519 This is the perfect starting place, beginning with humble dependence. 00:05:58.000 --> 00:06:04.079 And everything else that will come in the weeks ahead, hopefully, we'll build upon this. 00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:19.279 I'll also tell you right at the front end here, a kind of big picture idea of what I'd like to do today and what I think the Lord is doing in this passage. 00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:26.480 I think God is taking a big swing at independence. 00:06:28.720 --> 00:06:35.120 And he's commending a life of cultivating dependence on him. 00:06:36.639 --> 00:06:40.000 He's taking a big swing at independence. 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:48.879 I love the passage that Jason read to us from Jeremiah that's quoted again in the New Testament. 00:06:49.439 --> 00:06:56.240 Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom, or the rich man boast of his wealth, and so forth. 00:06:58.079 --> 00:07:00.399 That's a word of independence. 00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:05.360 But let him who boast boast in this, that he knows me. 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:08.240 That is a word of dependence. 00:07:08.480 --> 00:07:16.959 And that is where our passage is going ultimately this morning to a life of cultivating dependence. 00:07:37.600 --> 00:07:40.720 And to have us think a little bit about it as we go. 00:07:41.120 --> 00:07:56.639 But I hope that most of my time can be spent in a kind of application phase where we can talk about how do I know how well I'm engaging what God's commending in this passage? 00:07:56.879 --> 00:08:02.800 How do I know if I'm living a life of dependence, if I'm cultivating that? 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:07.680 How would I know if my life is saturated with independence? 00:08:08.879 --> 00:08:10.319 What are the signs of that? 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:12.720 What kinds of things can I see? 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:15.920 So I'd like to really get us down to some nuts and bolts. 00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:25.839 If we're going to get traction in marriage, there has to be some practical thinking about these broad passages and principles of Scripture. 00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:44.320 You can think of this passage as highlighting three ideas, or even three words, three concepts. 00:08:46.480 --> 00:08:50.480 The first of the concepts I've entitled Wellness. 00:08:51.039 --> 00:08:51.919 Wellness. 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:59.039 There's a whole industry that has grown up around the idea of wellness, right? 00:08:59.279 --> 00:09:03.679 There are wellness centers everywhere that are coming on the scene. 00:09:03.919 --> 00:09:26.080 And they've taken advantage of a kind of niche in the market that, hey, we have a lot of different things that address different aspects of our health, but we could really use a center that kind of is a full orbed, all under one roof kind of wellness to the human soul and to the human body and to the human heart. 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:39.759 And so there's kinds of different attempts and different centers to minister and help and cater to the to people in our needs of wellness. 00:09:41.279 --> 00:10:00.240 Well, right away, one of the main words that we can miss in this well-known passage from Scripture is that God promises, in a Proverbs kind of way, He promises, He holds out a promise of wellness. 00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:02.559 It's put in these terms. 00:10:06.559 --> 00:10:13.360 And this will be like healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. 00:10:14.720 --> 00:10:18.159 Just full-orbed kind of wellness. 00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:37.440 And it would be easy for us to miss right away that the God who's giving us this passage that has commandments in us, things for us to do, is saying right at the front end, know something about my goodness. 00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:42.879 Know something about the God who is that I am a good God. 00:10:44.639 --> 00:10:52.159 I desire for my people, for them to taste and experience a real straight path. 00:10:52.799 --> 00:10:58.720 I desire for them to really taste what whole wellness really is. 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:05.679 And it won't be what you think, but I want you to taste it. 00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:13.279 In fact, heaven to come is going to be a full drink of wellness. 00:11:13.679 --> 00:11:16.399 And it's going to be the fullness of a straight path. 00:11:16.559 --> 00:11:20.159 There will be no more crooked paths in heaven to come. 00:11:21.279 --> 00:11:33.600 But in this life, even in a fallen world, the good shepherd of our souls desires for us to taste what real goodness is. 00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:38.240 So let me just ask you: do you want goodness in your life? 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:39.759 A straight path. 00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:41.759 Is that enticing to you? 00:11:42.799 --> 00:11:43.759 Success. 00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:47.600 Who doesn't want that in their life? 00:11:47.919 --> 00:11:51.200 Who doesn't want that in their marriage if you're married? 00:11:51.519 --> 00:11:58.720 I mean, of all the things you want, of all your relationships, you want your marriage to succeed. 00:11:59.600 --> 00:12:01.679 There's so much writing on your marriage. 00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:08.639 I mean, all of your life, in a sense, is lived out of your marriage if you're married. 00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:14.720 You don't just do marriage on the side and then have your regular life. 00:12:15.360 --> 00:12:18.559 Your life grows out of your marriage. 00:12:19.840 --> 00:12:34.000 I've heard a recent, there's a man who's encouraging pastors and ministry leaders, and one of his core principles is you lead out of your marriage, or you lead out of your singleness, whichever it is. 00:12:34.320 --> 00:12:36.000 You lead out of that. 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:40.240 It's not something over here buried that doesn't have an impact. 00:12:40.720 --> 00:12:47.120 In fact, your marriage will tell you something, kind of about where you are in leading. 00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:52.399 And that might not be what you think, but there's an important principle to look at there. 00:12:54.799 --> 00:13:07.360 So deep down, as we think about this passage as it applies not just to all of life, but to marriage, we want straight paths in our marriage. 00:13:08.240 --> 00:13:15.759 We want wellness and refreshment as a couple and in our marriage. 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:18.480 We really, really, really want that. 00:13:20.960 --> 00:13:25.600 Well, God is committed to helping us move in that place. 00:13:29.279 --> 00:13:41.759 The next word as we move on is the is the first of what I'm gonna call two paths to how you might approach achieving this wellness. 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:47.200 So when you think of success in your marriage, there's a path. 00:13:47.440 --> 00:13:56.799 Whether you've sat down and documented it or not, you have a path in mind as to how you're going to get there on a daily kind of basis. 00:13:57.039 --> 00:14:02.639 It may not be a big vision strategy, but you have a way of relating. 00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:16.799 You have relational practices, you have a way of operating in your marriage that you think will lead you to this kind of wellness that God talks about. 00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:27.200 And so the first path I'm calling the path of the instinctive way. 00:14:29.200 --> 00:14:31.840 It's the way of independence. 00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:37.039 It's the way of instinct. 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:40.559 Think with me about instinct for a moment. 00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:44.399 Instinct's a good thing, right? 00:14:44.799 --> 00:14:51.759 God built instinct into his creative order, at least for the animal kingdom and for humans. 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:56.320 Much of the animal world moves and proceeds because of instinct. 00:14:56.480 --> 00:15:04.000 Birds build nests, lions know how to kill zebras, and a lot gets done in the animal kingdom. 00:15:05.039 --> 00:15:07.360 But instincts aren't always good. 00:15:08.320 --> 00:15:10.639 Not even in the animal kingdom. 00:15:12.159 --> 00:15:19.440 I have a dog, and my dog has an instinct to eat meat and fat of any kind at any time. 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:31.519 And not too long ago, we mistakenly gave this dog, and she was all too happy to comply, with eating a bunch of pork fat. 00:15:33.279 --> 00:15:45.279 And uh, much to our dismay, we learned that wow, this is a really bad mistake for many dogs, and our dog really was very, very sick out of it. 00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:48.399 For days didn't come out of her kennel. 00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:53.519 You know, some insects have instincts. 00:15:55.039 --> 00:16:04.799 They have instincts to reproduce and they to find the love of their life, figuratively speaking, only to find out that they will be eaten. 00:16:08.240 --> 00:16:10.879 Instincts aren't always the way. 00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:20.639 And when it comes to humans, we are fallen beings, we're sinners, we're rebels to the very depth of our being. 00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:25.759 And our instincts, many of them, they've been twisted and marred. 00:16:25.919 --> 00:16:28.399 We've been made in the image of God, yes. 00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:33.279 And those of us who are believers have the Holy Spirit of God, yes. 00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:52.320 But our many of our instincts are twisted and marred, and they are the old way of Adam, the old way of relating, the old way of manipulating and controlling and being our own person in this world and making it in our own strength. 00:16:53.519 --> 00:17:04.079 And so this way of independence is signaled in this text by the three-letter word not. 00:17:06.000 --> 00:17:09.759 Lean not on your own understanding. 00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:15.599 Be not wise in your own eyes. 00:17:20.640 --> 00:17:31.279 Have you noticed that you are just wired to believe that you see and know more than you do? 00:17:35.599 --> 00:17:41.519 Have you noticed that we are wired to believe that we're wiser than we are? 00:17:42.799 --> 00:18:02.240 That we have it figured out, that we understand what just happened in that conflict, that we see over the whole arena of this marital difficulty that we're having, and we've got a bead on it, and we know what the problem is. 00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:23.279 Have you noticed that you have a natural bent to leverage your resources and your strengths to get your way in life and in marriage. 00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:36.000 Let me just say something here, hopefully a bit encouraging, but maybe discouraging at the same time. 00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:39.759 The encouraging part is we're all in the same boat. 00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:43.440 It comes natural to all of us. 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:51.359 The discouraging part is that you probably have not seen one tenth. 00:18:53.440 --> 00:19:03.039 If you've been a Christian for a significant time, you probably haven't seen a tenth of how independent your spirit really is. 00:19:05.359 --> 00:19:25.200 You haven't come to grips yet, very much at all, with how fiercely your flesh, your flesh, the old part of Adam that still lives in you, the sinful nature, how much your flesh desires to make it in its own strength. 00:19:32.400 --> 00:19:36.160 My guess is that you have noticed this in your spouse. 00:19:38.720 --> 00:19:42.400 Have you noticed how your spouse is so independent? 00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:46.960 How they try to get their way with all kinds of things. 00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:49.119 They're really good at that. 00:19:55.440 --> 00:19:56.319 Let's move on. 00:19:56.400 --> 00:19:57.599 I don't want to take too long at it. 00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:04.160 We're gonna come back and fill these out, but I just want to kind of paint some picture here before we get too far in time. 00:20:05.519 --> 00:20:09.039 So that was one road, one road to wellness. 00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:11.359 It's the road we naturally take. 00:20:12.079 --> 00:20:14.799 It won't work, God says it in this passage. 00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:15.680 Don't do it. 00:20:15.920 --> 00:20:16.880 Don't do it. 00:20:17.119 --> 00:20:20.000 It will lead to crookedness and illness. 00:20:20.319 --> 00:20:22.640 Soul illness, bone illness. 00:20:22.799 --> 00:20:24.000 Uh don't try it. 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:29.200 The other way that he gives is really his way. 00:20:29.440 --> 00:20:32.640 Uh I've called this the counterintuitive way. 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:35.359 It's the way of dependence. 00:20:36.000 --> 00:20:37.920 The way of dependence. 00:20:38.960 --> 00:20:44.319 That really seems to kind of clash wellness and dependence. 00:20:45.200 --> 00:20:53.359 Um, especially for adults, we we tend to think of wellness as something about going out and working hard and getting it. 00:20:53.599 --> 00:21:00.160 Dependence doesn't seem like it really goes well with wellness, but it actually does. 00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:05.440 And it's the only word that goes well with wellness. 00:21:06.400 --> 00:21:08.240 And so this is signaled in the passage. 00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:09.839 I've just summarized a couple of them here. 00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:21.440 We're gonna look at the phrases trust in the Lord with all your heart in all your ways, in all your ways, in all your ways of life. 00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:27.920 High schoolers, singles, and married in all your ways. 00:21:28.319 --> 00:21:29.759 Acknowledge him. 00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:34.480 Acknowledge him or know him is actually the word there. 00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:35.440 To know him. 00:21:35.599 --> 00:21:41.359 It's a relational word of rich, rich relating before the Lord. 00:21:45.839 --> 00:21:49.839 Think with me for a minute about trust. 00:21:50.559 --> 00:21:54.400 If this is the road, we want to know what this road is. 00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:56.640 What is this road to wellness? 00:21:56.880 --> 00:21:58.799 It's the road of trust. 00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:03.519 And I've been super helped recently. 00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:06.400 I've thought about trust a lot over the years. 00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:07.759 There's a lot of different aspects of it. 00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:09.839 It's a really rich concept. 00:22:10.319 --> 00:22:16.079 And I came across this kind of categorizing of trust. 00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:17.920 It's just a helpful tool. 00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:24.079 It's not the last word at all, but I'm going to use it today, and I think it might help you thinking about trust toward God. 00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:26.319 What it means to trust God. 00:22:27.279 --> 00:22:31.680 And at one level, there's a kind of reliability trust. 00:22:31.839 --> 00:22:34.480 We'll call that reliability trust. 00:22:34.720 --> 00:22:39.599 If you're trusting in the Lord, you have to have some confidence. 00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:52.240 It's the idea of confidence and belief that the Lord is reliable, that he's truthful, that his words are factual. 00:22:53.359 --> 00:22:54.720 That he's there. 00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:59.039 That he'll do what he says he'll do, that he'll keep his promises. 00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:01.039 Right? 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:03.920 We have to believe that about the Lord. 00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:06.720 That's a reliability kind of trust. 00:23:06.880 --> 00:23:08.960 It's one level of trust. 00:23:09.599 --> 00:23:12.480 You have the same trust, by the way, in your marriage. 00:23:12.559 --> 00:23:14.960 And we'll talk more about this on another week. 00:23:15.119 --> 00:23:18.240 But you have a reliability trust with your spouse. 00:23:18.640 --> 00:23:27.279 You have to believe that they're going to keep their word, that they're going to treat you with respect, that they have your best interest at heart and they're loyal to you. 00:23:27.440 --> 00:23:30.480 Otherwise, your marriage is not going very far. 00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:35.440 But there is a deeper kind of trust. 00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:40.000 And it could be called a heart trust. 00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:49.599 And maybe you could start with your spouse and think about how this looks there, and it would help you envision how it might look with God. 00:23:51.279 --> 00:24:03.039 A heart trust means you believe your spouse is safe to open all your heart to. 00:24:26.720 --> 00:24:29.440 Your spouse won't be there to pounce on you. 00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:42.559 Your spouse will be there to meet you where you are and to engage you in a way that's loving and helpful and upbuilding. 00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:48.400 Well, isn't there that same kind of trust with the Lord? 00:24:50.960 --> 00:24:58.400 Isn't there a kind of trust that we engage God if we trust him enough? 00:24:59.599 --> 00:25:04.319 We're willing to open up our heart to him more and more. 00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:09.119 That doesn't come naturally to most folks. 00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:18.799 I believe I was a Christian for decades before I really got moving with some traction in that particular way. 00:25:21.359 --> 00:25:29.359 Part of the problem is we're not really aware of all that's going on in us because we intentionally won't go there. 00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:40.720 It's painful, it's vague and fuzzy at times, and we really it brings up too much stuff for us to deal with what's going on on the inside. 00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:45.839 It's safest just to kind of keep that on the down low. 00:25:47.519 --> 00:25:52.480 And so if we feel angry, I'm not angry. 00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:57.279 If we feel envious, let that thought go. 00:25:57.680 --> 00:25:59.759 Let it go, let it just go by. 00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:01.440 And it's gone. 00:26:01.680 --> 00:26:02.799 And we're good. 00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:04.079 We're good. 00:26:05.200 --> 00:26:08.079 We didn't engage it, we didn't name it. 00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:21.039 So a hard trust with God would be as we learn, as we learn before the Lord, that we can be naked and unashamed before Him. 00:26:22.400 --> 00:26:40.079 That we can begin to put our inmost thoughts out there as we see them, that we can begin to engage Him to lift them up, and that we can sit with Him in this kind of place. 00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:49.599 A part of what I want us to see about this passage today is this is an Old Testament text long before the days of Jesus. 00:26:49.920 --> 00:27:04.000 And I don't want you to hear this passage as Old Testament saints who don't know Jesus or who have a kind of forward-looking trust in a provision of some kind that God would make. 00:27:05.759 --> 00:27:07.920 I want you to hear this passage. 00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:28.319 As believers in Jesus Christ who came in the fullness of time, at the end of the age, once and for all, and established a way for his people to be reconciled to him fully based on his law-keeping and his sin bearing. 00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:37.519 And then as we look to him in faith and embrace what he did and receive it as our own, he credits that to our account. 00:27:37.680 --> 00:27:45.119 And so if you don't have a good sense of that, why would you ever open up your heart to the Lord? 00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:54.160 Why would you ever tell him, Lord, I you know, I really feel envious right now of my brother. 00:27:55.599 --> 00:27:57.039 Why would you do that? 00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:08.960 You wouldn't, because you're going, more than likely, because you're going to feel shame and condemnation, and you're going to feel like, oh, I don't want to go there. 00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:24.960 And if you have freedom and you're really trusting in Christ, and you know the freedom of the gospel, you can come and sit before the Lord and tell him everything that's going on in your heart as he lifts it out. 00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:32.559 You can put your sin on the table and name it in the starkest of terms. 00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:35.680 And God delights in that. 00:28:35.920 --> 00:28:38.799 That is worship in a very high form. 00:28:39.920 --> 00:28:48.400 For you to sit in the mess of your anger and to name it as anger and petty and oh man. 00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:51.119 And to just relish in Jesus. 00:28:51.200 --> 00:28:51.680 Yeah. 00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:55.279 Lord, you got me. 00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:56.559 You got my back. 00:28:57.839 --> 00:28:59.200 I'm safe. 00:28:59.599 --> 00:29:00.880 I'm safe. 00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:10.160 It's interesting that this word trust actually has in it, and I learned this from a linguist. 00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:12.000 I think it's true. 00:29:12.240 --> 00:29:20.319 That built into the word, the Hebrew word for trust, there's an idea of lying flat on your face with your face down. 00:29:20.480 --> 00:29:22.640 Face down on the ground. 00:29:24.079 --> 00:29:25.920 Isn't that interesting? 00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:32.000 This is in contrast to the one who leans on their own understanding. 00:29:32.160 --> 00:29:38.960 That's the picture of somebody propping themselves up with some strength of their own making. 00:29:44.480 --> 00:29:49.920 Well, let me move into now some kind of some application phase here. 00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:57.759 Again, I want you to hear these applications as people, as many of you as trust Jesus. 00:29:59.200 --> 00:30:00.720 You come before the Lord safe. 00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:05.359 You're under the covering of his blood, and you have the Holy Spirit in you. 00:30:05.599 --> 00:30:06.319 Praise God. 00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:31.359 You have God's own spirit living inside of you that is at war against your flesh, that is breathing desire deep, and creating within you movement for you to grow more and more into the image of Christ, to have more of his own heart for people and for him. 00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:48.960 One of the great questions to ask, and there was a actually kind of a Christian philosopher who raised this question, and I think it's a great one to write down somewhere and just kind of keep it near your mind. 00:30:50.160 --> 00:30:57.119 And this question was put forward as an important question when you're thinking about sanctification and discipleship. 00:30:57.359 --> 00:31:10.160 And the question is this What kind of person would I have to become to do this or to be this? 00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:13.119 What kind of person would I have to become? 00:31:13.599 --> 00:31:19.440 What kind of person would I have to become to quit leaning on my own understanding? 00:31:20.880 --> 00:31:25.519 To quit propping myself up in the way of dependence? 00:31:26.400 --> 00:31:29.599 Yeah, we know that won't happen in this life completely. 00:31:30.720 --> 00:31:32.240 It won't happen fast enough. 00:31:32.319 --> 00:31:35.920 We're going to gain small ground in this over a lifetime. 00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:41.519 This isn't something you're going to master at the end of the month. 00:31:42.880 --> 00:31:55.119 What kind of person would I have to become to lean on God in the kind of way that He says for us to lean on Him? 00:31:56.319 --> 00:32:02.720 Somebody in the first hour, we were talking about this in the adult Sunday School class, this passage, and somebody helpfully said this. 00:32:03.200 --> 00:32:11.519 I said, you know, this is, I'm really, I or I, you know, I see a kind of backwardsness in the way I approach life. 00:32:11.759 --> 00:32:15.359 Is, you know, first of all, I I desire the good. 00:32:16.400 --> 00:32:22.240 And then I try it in my own strength, and I fail. 00:32:22.400 --> 00:32:26.640 I realize I can't do it, and then I realize I need to trust God for this. 00:32:26.720 --> 00:32:28.079 I just I need to trust God. 00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:34.160 So I turned to God at that point and began to see what He can do with this. 00:32:35.119 --> 00:32:37.279 Something along those lines. 00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:43.519 What kind of person would I have to be to reverse the second and third of those? 00:32:43.839 --> 00:32:47.279 To have the good that the Spirit of God gives us. 00:32:49.119 --> 00:32:55.839 But as the first movement, the first movement, be a movement of trust. 00:32:56.880 --> 00:32:59.599 Not passivity, but trust. 00:33:00.240 --> 00:33:04.880 Heart trust, reliability trust before the Lord. 00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:15.440 Well, here's a couple of questions that might help us out in thinking that through. 00:33:18.799 --> 00:33:23.359 How would I, what are some of the signs of independence in marriage? 00:33:24.160 --> 00:33:30.079 How do I know if I'm really someone who spends a lot of time in independence in marriage? 00:33:30.160 --> 00:33:33.599 And we all do, so let's just get that on the table. 00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:37.039 Here's a few that I came up with. 00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:41.759 I'm sure you could multiply this list many times over. 00:33:43.839 --> 00:33:56.400 When you have a conflict with your spouse, you replay the conflict many times over, and you win every time. 00:33:59.200 --> 00:34:03.599 I had a professor in seminary that said, I never lost a replay yet. 00:34:08.159 --> 00:34:10.400 You know, just think of that for a moment. 00:34:11.760 --> 00:34:14.559 Oh my gosh, I've had years of replays. 00:34:14.880 --> 00:34:15.519 Years. 00:34:17.039 --> 00:34:31.760 And most of those years on the replays, I had no awareness, no awareness really, that I was in the cycle of replaying and winning, replaying and winning, replaying and winning. 00:34:33.039 --> 00:34:38.719 And where that came from, and what that really told me about myself. 00:34:41.199 --> 00:34:41.840 Why? 00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:49.199 Because I was a person who had not learned to engage the inner world. 00:34:50.719 --> 00:35:08.239 I hadn't learned that we were there really is something called the heart in Scripture, and that is in fact central to what Jesus and what God in the Old Testament would have us live out of and be aware of and be guarding. 00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:16.400 And so I would regularly have replays and win every time. 00:35:18.159 --> 00:35:26.719 Now, when I have replays, sometimes, I'm able to catch myself at some point in the replays. 00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:32.239 And suddenly it dawns on me. 00:35:33.599 --> 00:35:35.679 I can come before God with this. 00:35:36.159 --> 00:35:37.599 I can come before Him. 00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:40.000 And I can come confessing this replay. 00:35:40.159 --> 00:35:43.280 And what really is my heart behind this replay? 00:35:43.519 --> 00:35:46.880 Because there's a lot more at stake here than just me winning. 00:35:47.039 --> 00:35:56.960 There are attitudes and desires that need to be named before the Lord and confessed and asked for forgiveness. 00:35:57.360 --> 00:36:03.119 And to begin to ask Him to do something different in my soul at this point. 00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:07.760 How about this one? 00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:14.320 In marriage, you use your gifts and mind to solve or win conflict. 00:36:17.199 --> 00:36:28.960 Some of you are in marriages where one spouse would say, I hate, I hate conflict with him or with her. 00:36:29.920 --> 00:36:31.599 She's really smart. 00:36:32.239 --> 00:36:34.559 And she outwits me every time. 00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:36.559 And I always lose. 00:36:36.960 --> 00:36:46.800 In I never feel satisfied like we really talked about what the issues were, what was important to me, what's important to her. 00:36:49.440 --> 00:36:57.679 If you're gifted to be smart, if you're whatever your giftings are, you're going to use them in bad ways. 00:36:58.000 --> 00:36:58.639 You will. 00:36:59.679 --> 00:37:00.880 Isn't it true? 00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:04.159 Every gifting has a negative side to it. 00:37:05.119 --> 00:37:13.360 It has a dark, shadowy side to it that you'll engage and you'll do it, and it will be harmful. 00:37:13.519 --> 00:37:21.119 So if your God's given you great intellect when it comes to arguing, oh man, your spouse doesn't have a chance, maybe. 00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:25.039 Because you're going to win that argument every time. 00:37:25.360 --> 00:37:28.400 You're going to use your lot, your gift of logic. 00:37:28.480 --> 00:37:31.679 You're going to show them how illogical they are. 00:37:36.000 --> 00:37:37.280 How about this one? 00:37:37.519 --> 00:37:40.000 Trying to prove yourself to your spouse. 00:37:40.239 --> 00:37:42.719 Trying to prove your worth to them. 00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:48.000 It's the road of independence. 00:37:48.320 --> 00:37:49.039 Independence. 00:37:49.119 --> 00:37:53.199 You're going to labor in your own strength to prove to them that you're worthy. 00:37:53.280 --> 00:37:55.360 And maybe they want you to do that. 00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:09.920 Maybe we came across this one of maybe we build security into our life apart from our spouse. 00:38:12.239 --> 00:38:29.440 Maybe you're a person who has lost hope in your marriage, and now you're you're stalking away some money and you're exercising at the gym and you're working on your body image because you may need it real soon in the future. 00:38:29.920 --> 00:38:37.119 And I'm not trying to make light of what that might feel like to be in a marriage that you didn't have hope in. 00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:40.480 But I am trying to say that can you just see, right? 00:38:40.719 --> 00:38:46.800 There's a strong thread of independence right there. 00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:53.760 That's leaning on your own understanding of how this is going to go down and how it needs to go down. 00:38:54.000 --> 00:38:57.519 You're making your own provision in advance. 00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:10.800 Or maybe you're someone who, when you've had a bad conflict with your spouse, you you get you get on the horn with your friends. 00:39:12.239 --> 00:39:17.519 And you especially keep doing that till you hear from a friend who agrees with you really well. 00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:21.760 And you want to process this with people. 00:39:21.920 --> 00:39:24.400 Well, there is something good about processing things. 00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:31.679 If you have conf a few confidants in life, God gives us brothers and sisters to help in those kinds of ways. 00:39:32.000 --> 00:39:48.880 But first and foremost, we're to be a people who trust in the Lord and know him in all our ways, who walk with him through every circumstance of life and engage him with a hard trust in him. 00:39:49.280 --> 00:39:54.159 If we bring that into our marriage, we'll have a different kind of marriage. 00:39:56.400 --> 00:40:19.920 So what I really mean by that is if you begin to cultivate that in your marriage, nobody will bring that into their marriage, but if you begin to make that an important value for you in your marriage, you begin to go after this kind of dependence and instinct that's from the flesh, your marriage is going to look different. 00:40:20.559 --> 00:40:24.880 So let me uh let me ask quickly this question. 00:40:25.119 --> 00:40:30.400 What would dependence look like then if you really were cultivating it in life? 00:40:31.280 --> 00:40:32.719 How might that look? 00:40:33.760 --> 00:40:36.559 It might look like this beyond what we've said. 00:40:38.880 --> 00:40:51.360 It might look like you sit down and engage the Lord and you ask him wholeheartedly, as much as you're able, Lord, teach me to love. 00:40:53.440 --> 00:40:54.400 Break me. 00:40:55.199 --> 00:41:03.519 Just break me from believing that I really know what it is to love this woman or this man. 00:41:03.840 --> 00:41:20.400 Teach me what it means to love them with their background, their story, their baggage, all their brokenness that they brought into your marriage that you pledged before God and a company of witnesses that you would always be true to. 00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:26.639 Father, what would it look like to cherish this spouse of mine? 00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:31.599 What would that actually look like in practice? 00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:34.800 I need practical help, Father. 00:41:35.360 --> 00:41:36.400 Show me. 00:41:37.679 --> 00:41:41.840 Begin to unearth my hidden heart and attitudes. 00:41:43.199 --> 00:41:46.719 The ones, especially, that bring my spouse harm. 00:41:47.360 --> 00:41:48.960 Bring those to the surface. 00:41:49.119 --> 00:41:50.400 Let me see them. 00:41:52.079 --> 00:41:54.639 Show me where I'm grieving my spouse. 00:41:56.800 --> 00:42:00.159 Maybe when you're in the middle of a conflict, it might look like this. 00:42:00.400 --> 00:42:03.280 Maybe it's one of those Nehemiah arrow prayers. 00:42:03.599 --> 00:42:12.320 Father, whatever truth there is in what they are saying right now, I'm feeling very justified in this moment. 00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:15.440 I'm feeling like I have got this argument. 00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:16.880 I've got it. 00:42:18.800 --> 00:42:20.320 I know I don't have it. 00:42:20.559 --> 00:42:21.440 I don't see. 00:42:21.599 --> 00:42:24.400 Lord, whatever truth there is, may I see it. 00:42:24.559 --> 00:42:26.320 May I have eyes to see it. 00:42:26.639 --> 00:42:32.320 May I just have a brokenness that can embrace that, a humility that can sit with that. 00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:45.679 These are some of the paths that trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding, are going to look like in marriage. 00:42:45.840 --> 00:42:47.519 They're going to be very practical. 00:42:47.679 --> 00:42:51.440 They're going to involve you engaging your heart. 00:42:51.599 --> 00:42:55.679 If you have had a whole lifetime of not doing that, it's okay. 00:42:56.800 --> 00:42:58.480 You can start today. 00:42:59.199 --> 00:43:03.519 And you can start today by just coming before the Lord. 00:43:12.239 --> 00:43:15.280 In how you might go away. 00:43:19.039 --> 00:43:25.440 Some people might go away, some of you, you might, depending on where you are today in your walk with God. 00:43:25.760 --> 00:43:28.559 Some of you might go away discouraged. 00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:33.440 Because you haven't really come to grips with the gospel yet. 00:43:34.000 --> 00:43:41.199 At least, I'm not saying you're not a believer, but you haven't really engaged that Jesus is your righteousness. 00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:46.400 You're still trying in the backdoor kind of way, trying to earn your sanctification. 00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:49.840 You're trying to be good enough and work harder. 00:43:52.320 --> 00:43:56.000 And you've given up long ago. 00:43:57.039 --> 00:43:58.320 It doesn't work. 00:43:58.559 --> 00:43:59.760 I can't do it. 00:43:59.920 --> 00:44:01.599 I'm going to come to church. 00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:04.079 I'm going to be happy and greet people. 00:44:04.239 --> 00:44:05.679 I'm going to be there. 00:44:09.519 --> 00:44:11.679 That would be a tragic irony. 00:44:14.000 --> 00:44:25.679 Because in this passage, wellness is not achieved by passivity, it's achieved by an active trust that doesn't have to go do something. 00:44:25.920 --> 00:44:29.519 It needs to be open before the Lord. 00:44:31.599 --> 00:44:38.079 Another tragic irony would be for you to go away and actually try harder and believe that you can manage it. 00:44:38.480 --> 00:44:40.079 You haven't got to where they are yet. 00:44:40.159 --> 00:44:45.199 You're still thinking that you're going to work harder and get this marriage squared away. 00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:49.119 You're going to read a book, you're going to go to a conference, and those are all great things. 00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:50.320