WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:02.879 Most of them are sitting with siblings, so thank you. 00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:04.320 You can put your hands down. 00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:10.720 So for you guys and gals, what I would like you to do today, don't think about marriage today, okay? 00:00:13.359 --> 00:00:14.560 Don't think about marriage. 00:00:14.720 --> 00:00:15.759 That's way off. 00:00:16.640 --> 00:00:19.519 Think about your brother and sister. 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:22.480 Think about how you relate at home. 00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:24.079 Okay? 00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:28.399 I'd like you to hear the message today with that in view. 00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:48.079 For others of you who are here who aren't married, I would like to invite you to ask God to bring to mind someone, a brother or sister in the faith, someone close to you, with whom you're struggling to have unity with. 00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:58.399 And maybe it would be helpful today as you just kind of think about what we're saying to have that be the primary thing that's in your focus. 00:01:03.439 --> 00:01:10.719 So now we're going to move now to our first point, a new way of relating to each other. 00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:27.599 In the realm of astronomy, most of you will know this, that in ancient times, especially in ancient Greece, the scientists of that day had an earth-centered view of the universe, right? 00:01:28.239 --> 00:01:40.799 They believed that the earth was the center of all things, that the moon, the planets, the stars, and the sun all revolved around the earth itself. 00:01:42.799 --> 00:01:45.760 It's a very natural way to view things. 00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:59.439 But then there came others, and especially Copernicus, who in the 17th century made famous a new way of looking at the universe. 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:20.240 This was a heliocentric way, a way in which the sun now, excuse me, is the center of at least the solar system, and that the moon and the planets revolve actually around the sun, even though it doesn't seem so. 00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:32.400 It is interesting that those who held to the Earth center view were just kind of following the natural way that things seemed. 00:02:32.719 --> 00:02:36.879 After all, if you live on this planet, you can't feel it moving. 00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:47.599 Not only that, if you look into the sky, you actually will see the moon and the stars and the sun go across the sky. 00:02:48.080 --> 00:02:50.800 It was just a natural conclusion. 00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:55.520 And so it is in another realm. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:03:06.240 In the realm of human relating, there is an old model that is just as natural as it can be. 00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:12.960 I call this model the numerounocentric model. 00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:22.319 It's a fancy way of saying that the universe revolves around me. 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:35.039 That all of human life really is there to serve me and to revolve around what I desire in this life. 00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:41.520 This way of human relating, this model goes all the way back to the fall. 00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:51.599 It wasn't that way in the beginning, but the fall was so devastating to humanity. 00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:56.319 And really, I don't think we get this until you live long enough. 00:03:56.960 --> 00:04:11.759 You have to live decades, and even as a Christian, decades, to begin to get your hands around how devastating the fall was to humanity, and to you and me personally. 00:04:15.360 --> 00:04:32.000 But with that natural, devastating way of going, there was another theory, another truth, another reality that God put out there and has been putting out there all along. 00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:52.480 And that is that he is saving and making a new humanity and a new way of relating, no longer with us at the center, but with him at the center, with Christ Jesus, the Son of God at the very center of all things, and we around him. 00:04:57.199 --> 00:05:12.480 So with that as kind of a background here, I'd like us to look at some of the descriptions, and we can only kind of summarize this, of what God says in this passage about this new way of relating. 00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:18.959 He's going to draw a picture of it for us so we can see it, and he's going to do it with words. 00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:29.439 So if you'd follow with me, we're just going to look at, first of all, the first four descriptors that he gives beginning in verse 2, or really in verse 2. 00:05:33.120 --> 00:05:38.800 He says that we are to be of the same mind. 00:05:40.879 --> 00:05:59.920 He goes on to say that we're to have the same love, that we're to be in full accord with one another, even to the point of being singular-minded or one-souled, is actually the way it's put. 00:06:02.959 --> 00:06:18.560 It's probably more important for us to see that Paul chose to stack four things back to back than it is to kind of see the slight nuance differences between these four. 00:06:18.720 --> 00:06:21.920 There's a lot of overlap between these four terms. 00:06:23.600 --> 00:06:34.560 But he piled these things up so that we would get a really good picture of how he intends his new humanity to relate to each other. 00:06:35.040 --> 00:06:39.600 And you might put it in this kind of a way. 00:06:40.480 --> 00:06:43.920 He wants us to be on the same page with each other. 00:06:44.879 --> 00:06:48.000 He wants us to be like two notes in a harmony. 00:06:49.199 --> 00:06:53.680 He wants us to be so bonded that we're like one souled. 00:06:54.800 --> 00:07:05.839 And in the marriage context, especially, he wants us to be yoked together in pooling in the same direction with a singular purpose and vision. 00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:18.399 He goes on to give a few more things related to this new kind of relating. 00:07:19.279 --> 00:07:28.879 He says in verse 3 to not do anything from rivalry, which could be selfish ambition or conceit. 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:34.399 But in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 00:07:35.439 --> 00:07:42.480 Let each of you look not only to his own interest, but also to the interests of others. 00:07:45.360 --> 00:08:03.600 In order to have the kind of harmony that he's talking about here, we have to come to grips with the old order, the old way of relating that is so prominent within us, in which we are the center of all things. 00:08:05.600 --> 00:08:16.000 We have to become aware over time, in greater degrees, just how self-centered we really are. 00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:26.800 And we have to be ready to honor others in a way that's similar to how the Trinity honors one another. 00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:35.919 Father honors the Son, the Son honors the Father, the Father and the Son honor the Spirit, and the Spirit honors the Father and the Son. 00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:48.639 And God has called us into that kind of dynamic within our relationships in the church and especially within our relationships within marriage. 00:08:49.840 --> 00:09:01.759 Well, let me just ask you, how does this description of the new way of relating match the reality, the day-to-day reality in your marriage? 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:12.879 Sometimes okay, many times not okay. 00:09:15.600 --> 00:09:21.039 We know that marriage is one of the most difficult relationships on the planet. 00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:26.080 It's almost an impossible relationship. 00:09:26.399 --> 00:09:38.480 You have two sinners spinning in their own orbit, and you move them into one to become one and to become unified in purpose and outlook. 00:09:40.639 --> 00:09:45.039 And you are up close more than you are with anyone else. 00:09:45.919 --> 00:09:53.519 Your spouse sees you more closely than anyone else, likely, around you. 00:10:06.480 --> 00:10:13.679 But one of the things I want to say just at this point is we need more than a command. 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:19.519 We need more than a command to enter into this new way. 00:10:21.840 --> 00:10:24.399 We need power. 00:10:26.240 --> 00:10:29.120 We need power to be able to do this. 00:10:30.720 --> 00:10:39.840 And so this brings us to our second movement today is the power we need to relate in this new way. 00:10:42.480 --> 00:10:51.919 I don't think Paul is giving us a whole scheme of sanctification here or of Christian growth, but he is saying some important things that we need to catch. 00:10:53.279 --> 00:11:06.879 One of the things that we need to catch is that something has to be in place or be being in place in order for us to be engaging this new way of relating well. 00:11:08.399 --> 00:11:11.279 Follow with me if you look at verse one. 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:27.120 In verse one, there is four realities that are given here. 00:11:27.360 --> 00:11:37.600 Four realities that are said in such a way that they are going to impact what God wants us to do with each other. 00:11:37.919 --> 00:11:39.440 These four come first. 00:11:40.000 --> 00:11:41.600 I didn't start there. 00:11:42.559 --> 00:11:47.519 I wanted to have you think about the tension of the others, others first. 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:59.200 But what you find in these four verses are ways in which God has loved and blessed his people. 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:03.600 Ways in which God has loved and blessed his people. 00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:15.600 If there is any encouragement, he says, in Christ, any encouragement, think of what you were when you were outside of Christ. 00:12:16.879 --> 00:12:35.440 Think of what it was when you were lost, and the blessing and love of God that awakened you and initiated a salvation, a deliverance, a repentance, a turning to Christ to have life and light. 00:12:36.240 --> 00:12:37.440 Think of that. 00:12:38.879 --> 00:12:45.679 Moreover, he says, think of the comfort that you have from God's love. 00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:56.879 What kind of comfort is there from being loved by the center of the universe, being loved and known by your Creator? 00:12:59.519 --> 00:13:22.399 He goes on to say, think of what it's like to be a fellow sharer in the Holy Spirit, that you have been gifted with God Himself to live within you powerfully and to initiate, not passively, but to be moving and empowering and initiating in your heart. 00:13:25.600 --> 00:13:34.080 And finally, he says, think, think of the tender mercies and sympathies of the Lord for you. 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:47.519 Think about how you experience them in this life, in all of the brokenness and tragedies and traumas of life, in the devastations of the fall. 00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:52.879 Have you tasted the tender mercies of the Lord? 00:13:56.639 --> 00:14:04.000 You're going to need, we're going to need two things to be able to engage this new kind of relating. 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:07.840 We're going to need the Holy Spirit. 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:10.720 The flesh counts for nothing. 00:14:11.200 --> 00:14:13.759 The flesh counts for nothing, God said. 00:14:13.919 --> 00:14:15.519 It's the Spirit. 00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:25.200 The Spirit who moves and gives us a new desire and is giving us a new heart more and more all along. 00:14:25.600 --> 00:14:28.080 And is giving growth within us. 00:14:30.799 --> 00:14:40.639 But we're also going to need a growing knowledge and sense and experience of God's love for us. 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:45.200 I want you to think of a recipe for a moment. 00:14:47.120 --> 00:14:57.120 Many of you like to think about what to make for dinner, and you go online and you mess around with some recipes, and up comes the picture. 00:14:58.000 --> 00:14:59.279 Beautiful dinner, man. 00:14:59.360 --> 00:14:59.840 I'm telling you. 00:14:59.919 --> 00:15:02.720 It's like, wow, I wish that was on my table now. 00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:09.759 And you're looking at it and you're reading it, and it sounds good at one level, right? 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:15.200 You're processing it on paper, but you're not smelling that. 00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:18.879 No aroma coming off your screen, I assure you. 00:15:19.600 --> 00:15:21.840 And you're certainly not tasting it. 00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:29.440 The love of God is one of the powerful movers of the human heart. 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:40.480 We have to experience the love of God and know it to be able to move out and love other people. 00:15:43.279 --> 00:15:58.639 And the way he's put this here, he's put it in terms that we actually have begun to smell the aroma and taste the goodness and love of the Lord for us. 00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:10.240 You know, what else is it that is going to help you lay aside your desires in a marriage relationship? 00:16:10.559 --> 00:16:16.000 Die to your own ego and serve your spouse. 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:20.960 What is it going to take for that to happen? 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:32.960 You're going to have to have a sense that you already have all you need. 00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:43.279 In fact, in a way, you don't even need the love of your spouse to love them well in this relationship. 00:16:43.600 --> 00:16:45.600 You don't have to have it. 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:51.440 Because you're already secure in the love of God. 00:16:52.879 --> 00:16:57.200 He delights in you in Christ because you're in his son. 00:16:57.759 --> 00:17:01.759 And you are a son or a daughter of the living God. 00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:11.200 And therefore, you can spend yourself to the very bottom of your ability. 00:17:13.599 --> 00:17:15.519 Because you're on a solid rock. 00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:20.720 You don't need something back to be okay. 00:17:31.599 --> 00:17:36.559 And that's why we have to fight for the gospel every day. 00:17:37.599 --> 00:17:48.400 We can't just drift along and think that the love of the Lord for us will just take care of itself. 00:17:49.839 --> 00:17:51.920 We do go to Scripture. 00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:57.440 We do go to prayer and sit with God and we engage Him. 00:17:58.160 --> 00:18:00.480 And the Holy Spirit works in our hearts. 00:18:00.640 --> 00:18:06.160 Every time you sense Abba, Father, coming out of you. 00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:07.839 That is God's Spirit. 00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:09.839 We're told in Romans 8. 00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:21.440 God's Spirit working in you and through you powerfully, assuring you of God's love for you in Christ. 00:18:22.559 --> 00:18:25.599 Every day, fight for the gospel, brothers and sisters. 00:18:25.759 --> 00:18:30.400 Let it be among the first words that leave your lips in the morning. 00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:33.039 That you can thank the Lord. 00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:38.079 You can thank the Lord for who you are in Christ. 00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:46.799 And you can ask him to help you receive that and believe it and stand on it. 00:18:53.279 --> 00:19:00.079 Well, finally, I want to move to what being awake looks like. 00:19:01.039 --> 00:19:03.279 What being awake looks like. 00:19:05.119 --> 00:19:23.359 You know, it is really important when you read Scripture that you take the time to sit before the Lord and ask Him and ponder in your own heart how to put skin on the commands of God. 00:19:23.920 --> 00:19:25.519 How to put skin on them. 00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:27.359 Get them practical. 00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:36.960 It's not enough to just read these big phrases and let them roll right over us. 00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:50.079 We have to put skin on them in real circumstances to get our minds wrapped around, hmm, how is it that I can apply this in my own life? 00:19:50.240 --> 00:19:55.759 Where is God calling me to put this into practice in my own marriage? 00:19:56.319 --> 00:20:01.759 So for this part of our movement today, I'd like us to look at verses three and four. 00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:08.160 I've just singled these out and I'm going to treat them as a unity here, these two sentences. 00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:17.519 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:23.759 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 00:20:26.319 --> 00:20:28.640 I've always struggled with these verses. 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:36.079 They are like pesky, intrusive sentences to me in my flesh. 00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:39.680 They ask a lot of us, don't they? 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:43.119 They really ask an awful lot of us. 00:20:44.240 --> 00:20:52.480 And to engage these this call of God on our life, we're going to have to be awake. 00:20:53.119 --> 00:20:58.160 We're going to have to be awake to see how this really plays out in our life. 00:20:58.480 --> 00:21:04.799 So the first thing that is said here, the way it's written, is we're told something not to do. 00:21:04.960 --> 00:21:06.160 Don't do this. 00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:08.720 We're actually to do nothing. 00:21:09.759 --> 00:21:14.880 It is a big, broad, it's as broad as it is in English, in the Greek. 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:19.039 Do nothing from selfish ambition. 00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:20.799 Nothing. 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:25.920 Do nothing from the old way of relating. 00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:32.559 Well, I want to ask us, how would you know? 00:21:34.880 --> 00:21:41.359 How would you know if you are acting out of selfish ambition or rivalry? 00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:43.119 How would you know that? 00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:49.039 How would you know if you're actually protecting yourself and what you're doing? 00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:57.279 How would you know if you're actually pushing for something that's your agenda at the expense of your spouses? 00:21:58.240 --> 00:21:59.759 How would you know if you're actually trying? 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:05.759 To honor yourself in what we're doing here, then honor your spouse. 00:22:05.920 --> 00:22:09.359 How would you know if you're actually hiding yourself? 00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:18.640 It means you're going to have to be awake to your motives to some degree. 00:22:18.799 --> 00:22:29.599 You're going to have to have some awareness and some alertness to what's going on in your motives, why you're doing what you're doing. 00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:42.319 The interesting thing about this is that God has made us in such a way that we actually need one another to do this well. 00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:49.920 We actually, that's a part of living in community and the one anothers we talk about. 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:57.680 We actually need each other's sight to see when we're acting out of selfish motives and selfish ambitions. 00:22:57.920 --> 00:22:59.839 It's not easy to see. 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:13.119 You will swear, I mean that in a good sense, that you're actually awake and not standing in front of an office desk drawer. 00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:23.279 But then he gives the other side don't do this, but do this, do this. 00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:34.240 And he gives various ways of saying to become a student of humility and to put your spouse's honor and interest above your own. 00:23:34.799 --> 00:23:37.200 To give them a priority. 00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:39.599 Give them a priority. 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:48.799 There's a lot of ways that we could think about how this actually plays out in our marriages, but I've listed just a couple. 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:53.279 I want you to think with me about seeing and about listening. 00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:55.359 Seeing and listening. 00:23:58.079 --> 00:23:59.839 What do we need to see? 00:24:01.039 --> 00:24:12.160 What do we need to see to be a student of humility and to put our spouses' honor and interest above our own? 00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:14.240 What do we need to see? 00:24:14.720 --> 00:24:16.960 Great question to wrestle with. 00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:20.880 You need to see them. 00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:23.680 You need to see them. 00:24:23.839 --> 00:24:29.599 You need to be able to see who they are and what they desire. 00:24:30.400 --> 00:24:32.079 And how they're doing. 00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:36.799 And what's going on with them? 00:24:39.119 --> 00:24:40.480 You need to see you. 00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:44.720 You need to be able to see more of who you are. 00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:48.160 And and what you're doing in the moment. 00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:52.880 And then there's listening. 00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:55.359 There's listening. 00:24:55.680 --> 00:24:56.319 Wow. 00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:02.079 Seems like men have a problem with listening. 00:25:04.240 --> 00:25:06.640 It's not just men that have a problem with listening. 00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:09.359 Because there's listening and then there's listening. 00:25:12.160 --> 00:25:19.680 We can be listening while at the exact same time we're formulating. 00:25:21.200 --> 00:25:23.440 We're in a process of me too. 00:25:23.599 --> 00:25:25.200 We're in a process of justifying. 00:25:25.279 --> 00:25:27.839 We're in a process of blaming someone else. 00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:30.960 So what they're saying is just bouncing right off of us. 00:25:31.119 --> 00:25:40.000 Does that line up with the kind of humility that counts others more significant than yourselves here? 00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:56.640 We need to have a kind of listening that actually cares, that cares for our spouse, that can see behind where they are and where that's coming from. 00:25:57.920 --> 00:26:10.799 We need to have a kind of listening that is curious, genuinely curious about what's going on with them and how they're doing and how our relationship is getting along. 00:26:19.599 --> 00:26:26.640 Well, as I kind of bring this to a close, I'm gonna raise another question. 00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:32.799 What's a good sign that we're sleepwalking too much? 00:26:35.039 --> 00:26:38.240 What's a good sign that we're sleepwalking too much? 00:26:39.839 --> 00:26:49.119 One good sign may well be that your spouse has a low sense of feeling seen. 00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:53.279 Have a low sense of feeling seen. 00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:55.920 They have a low sense of feeling heard. 00:26:56.720 --> 00:27:04.880 When they talk with you about things that are important, you're focused on your own things, be they important or otherwise. 00:27:06.480 --> 00:27:15.200 Your spouse may have a low sense of feeling respected, in feeling honored and valued in this relationship. 00:27:15.359 --> 00:27:18.319 Maybe they feel like a second-class citizen. 00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:23.680 Maybe they feel like you, like walk like it's all about you. 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:35.599 And they never really get to They never get to be themselves without feeling a sense of condemnation from you. 00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:46.240 Maybe your spouse has a low sense of feeling safe to trust you with their heart. 00:27:47.200 --> 00:27:50.640 They put a little out there, but no more. 00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:56.400 These are all good signs that we're sleepwalking too much. 00:27:56.480 --> 00:27:59.200 And we all sleepwalk, brothers and sisters. 00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:02.079 We all sleepwalk. 00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:09.680 But as I bring this to a conclusion, I want you to have some takeaways, okay? 00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:13.359 I want you to have some takeaways. 00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:18.640 The first takeaway, I think, is a takeaway we always want from this pulpit. 00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:21.519 Or anywhere the word of God is open. 00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:24.640 We want you to say yes to God. 00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:27.599 I want you to say yes to God. 00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:35.119 That as you've heard these things and what God calls us to, you can affirm before Him and to Him. 00:28:35.839 --> 00:28:37.440 These are really good things. 00:28:37.759 --> 00:28:38.240 Yes. 00:28:38.480 --> 00:28:40.799 May it be more and more in me. 00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:43.200 May it be more and more in me. 00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:50.799 But secondly, you can take away that you can't do this on your own. 00:28:51.839 --> 00:28:56.960 The takeaway here isn't that you will go out this week and knock this passage down. 00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:04.160 In fact, all your Christian life, you're going to be trying to get your hands around this more and more. 00:29:04.799 --> 00:29:12.160 The more you learn how self-centered you are and I am, the more. 00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:14.559 The more we'll see. 00:29:16.079 --> 00:29:30.799 The more we'll see how we need the Lord to give us that power and strength and movement to engage what He's called us to do. 00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:37.839 This passage has a thrilling and fruitful vision for marriage. 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:43.519 Fight for your spouses in profound ways. 00:29:44.720 --> 00:29:46.160 It is so worth it. 00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:48.480 Amen. 00:33:53.119 --> 00:34:00.400 If there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:09.119 And what you've learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:10.400 You're dismissed. 00:34:10.480 --> 00:34:11.599 Thank you for coming today.