SPEAKER_00: The book of Ephesians, chapter 5.
SPEAKER_00: I will be reading verses 22 through 33, and I encourage you to turn there.
SPEAKER_00: And if you're here this morning and you don't have a Bible with you, there should be a Bible right there in front of you.
SPEAKER_00: There's that little pocket there, that shelf, and you can find the scripture on page 978.
SPEAKER_00: So I'd encourage you to turn there.
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't own a Bible, if you don't own a copy of God's Word for yourself, we would like to give you that Bible that's there in the pew that you're looking at now for you to have and to take home as our gift to you.
SPEAKER_00: And so if you don't own a Bible, that Bible that's there and that shelf in front of you that you're reading right now, please take it home after the service.
SPEAKER_00: Write your name in it, make it your own, and we encourage you to read it and study it.
SPEAKER_00: Come back and we'll study it together.
SPEAKER_00: Also, one other reminder uh we will be starting up the theology class on Wednesday nights at 6.15 promptly.
SPEAKER_00: And there's a schedule in the lobby as well and in the bulletin, so encourage you to avail yourself to that if you are here on Wednesday nights at 6.15.
SPEAKER_00: Ephesians chapter 5, beginning in verse 22.
SPEAKER_00: Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
SPEAKER_00: Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their own husbands.
SPEAKER_00: Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
SPEAKER_00: In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
SPEAKER_00: He who loves his wife loves himself.
SPEAKER_00: For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourished and cherished it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
SPEAKER_00: Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
SPEAKER_00: This mystery is profound, and I am saying it refers to Christ and the church.
SPEAKER_00: However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
SPEAKER_00: We have been talking about over uh the last several weeks about marriage, and I wanted to uh bookend our discussion with a final passage on marriage, looking at the true design for marriage, what God intends for marriage to be, and what marriage is to look like for believers.
SPEAKER_00: Marriage is under attack.
SPEAKER_00: Much has been said and written over the last several months, several years regarding the definition of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: And in fact, we're told by the end of the week the Supreme Court is going to render its decision on a couple notable cases that may have long-lasting impact on the definition of marriage as viewed by our country.
SPEAKER_00: These are important and significant issues, but we must be careful that we don't lose sight of a larger battle than even what we see facing us in our culture.
SPEAKER_00: A battle that's been raging throughout human history.
SPEAKER_00: For you see, the Bible tells us that we have a sworn enemy in the devil that has been actively undermining the things of God since the beginning of the creation, distorting all that is good and attacking all that God has given to us.
SPEAKER_00: Unless we forget Satan's goal, it is not to redefine marriage, it is to destroy the institution of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: That is who the enemy is.
SPEAKER_00: The Bible tells us, Jesus himself said, that the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy.
SPEAKER_00: And so when we look at the battle that we're facing, we need to be reminded that it is more than just a cultural battle, and it's more than just a battle for the definition of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: It goes far beyond that.
SPEAKER_00: There is a cosmic spiritual battle that each one of us is in, and the enemy would love nothing more than to attack the good things that God has created.
SPEAKER_00: Author Tim Chalice, in a recent blog, posted this, and he's quoting the Puritan John Owen on sin, but it applies equally to Satan.
SPEAKER_00: And this is what John Owen said, as Tim Chalice writes in his blog Every time it rises up to tempt or entice, might it have its own course, it would go to the utmost sin of that kind.
SPEAKER_00: Unclean thought or glance would be adultery if it could.
SPEAKER_00: Every covetous desire would be oppression.
SPEAKER_00: Every thought of unbelief would be atheism, might it grow to its head.
SPEAKER_00: And as sin is in our life, so is Satan in this world, wanting to take to the farthest degree possible, not to rewrite the definition of marriage, to broaden it, to represent any two people in a so-called committed relationship, but ultimately to distort and destroy the concept of marriage in people's minds so that it is no longer recognized and it is discarded or disregarded.
SPEAKER_00: And we see that going on in our country today.
SPEAKER_00: We see it going on in so-called same-sex marriage.
SPEAKER_00: We even see it going on in the seed form, in the promotion of polygamy.
SPEAKER_00: And lest we think that that's such a far-fetched reality, keep in mind the television shows on cable television that are beginning to normalize polygamy.
SPEAKER_00: And first we joke about it, and then we tolerate it, and then we accept it, and then we embrace it, and then we promote it, and then we stop opposition.
SPEAKER_00: Marriage is under attack, but the battle goes beyond a cultural battle.
SPEAKER_00: It is a spiritual battle, and we have a spiritual enemy.
SPEAKER_00: We see the erosion of marriage all around us, even over in my lifetime, the uh idea of no-fault divorce that became accepted in the late 60s in Canada and 1970 in the United States.
SPEAKER_00: It was seen at the time as a direct attack on marriage, and now it is power for the course.
SPEAKER_00: Why does Satan care so much about destroying the institution of marriage?
SPEAKER_00: I said, first of all, it is his nature.
SPEAKER_00: Jesus said the thief comes to only steal, kill, and destroy.
SPEAKER_00: But beyond that, we need to understand that God uses marriage both in the Old Testament and the New Testament as an illustration of his relationship with his people.
SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, marriage was designed by God to be a living illustration of Christ's relationship to his people, the church.
SPEAKER_00: The full expression is found in the culminating celebration of the Marriage Supper of the Lamb in Revelation 19.
SPEAKER_00: But as we see here, even in this passage that we read in Ephesians chapter 5, the Apostle Paul tells us that marriage is an illustration of a greater reality, of Christ's love for his church.
SPEAKER_00: It's an illustration of the gospel, it's an illustration of God's covenant relationship with his people.
SPEAKER_00: And so the destruction of the institution of marriage and the concept in people's minds goes beyond just the reality of marriage, but it goes to distort the very word of God itself.
SPEAKER_00: And so that we see that marriage is under attack.
SPEAKER_00: Several weeks ago, we talked about the foundation of marriage, and let me just remind you of the four points, highlighting one of those four points as we launch into what Ephesians 5 says.
SPEAKER_00: We talked about the reality that marriage is from the beginning.
SPEAKER_00: We saw that in Genesis chapter 2.
SPEAKER_00: God created the institution of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: This is not a human creation, a human invention.
SPEAKER_00: It is not merely a social contract between two people.
SPEAKER_00: This was created by God for the welfare and well-being of the human race.
SPEAKER_00: We saw as well that from God's word that marriage is between one man and one woman for life.
SPEAKER_00: And that's God's intention for marriage.
SPEAKER_00: It's his design for marriage.
SPEAKER_00: It is within the created order itself and the compatibility of a man and a woman in this relationship.
SPEAKER_00: We also saw that marriage is universally established for all time.
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just for Adam and Eve.
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't merely at the beginning of creation, but that it was an institution that was for all time, for perpetuity in this created order.
SPEAKER_00: And then we also saw that marriage is not a contract, but a covenant relationship.
SPEAKER_00: And we talked about the difference between a contract and a covenant.
SPEAKER_00: And I want to remind us of this as we go to what is said here in Ephesians 5.
SPEAKER_00: The difference between a contract and a covenant, it's more than just semantics.
SPEAKER_00: It's more than just using two different words to mean the same thing.
SPEAKER_00: They actually carry much different weight.
SPEAKER_00: And so it's important for us to understand that marriage is more than a contract, it is a covenant relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Winston Smith in his book Marriage Matters notes this about a contract.
SPEAKER_00: He says, a formal agreement to give to get is called a contract.
SPEAKER_00: If you do your part, I'll do my part.
SPEAKER_00: He says we all live with contracts.
SPEAKER_00: Contracts are often put into place to prevent people from manipulating one another.
SPEAKER_00: We use contracts to enforce rules of fair play.
SPEAKER_00: In that sense, the pagans and tax collectors observed a crude form of love, but that isn't the fullness of love that we are called to in marriage.
SPEAKER_00: A covenant is a very different type of pledge.
SPEAKER_00: What is in view in a human covenant is not a contractual agreement.
SPEAKER_00: If you do this, I'll do that.
SPEAKER_00: It is a pledging of yourself, a making a vow before God to pledge your love, to pledge your loyalty, to pledge your fidelity to another person, regardless of how that other person responds.
SPEAKER_00: It isn't the attitude of, I'll fill my end of the bargain if you fill yours.
SPEAKER_00: And it doesn't matter the circumstances, you are pledging yourself, and we're going to see how that comes to bear in Ephesians 5, but you are pledging yourself regardless of how your spouse responds in that circumstance.
SPEAKER_00: In my first church, I was at a retirement community and I saw some illustrations of love and loyalty, of fidelity and devotion that have stuck with me these past 20 years.
SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you about two stories.
SPEAKER_00: The first one's Jim.
SPEAKER_00: I met Jim, he was a retired uh man.
SPEAKER_00: He had gone into pastoral ministry after retirement, although he had gone to uh to seminary.
SPEAKER_00: And we began to talk, and I began to hear his story of why he never went into ministry.
SPEAKER_00: And this is what he said.
SPEAKER_00: This is his story.
SPEAKER_00: His uh when he was young, he was working, putting himself through school, and uh he fell in love, and uh as he was engaged to this woman, uh she began to exhibit signs of illness, of sickness, of something was going on.
SPEAKER_00: They didn't know exactly what was going on at the time, uh, but she was beginning to have increasing problems, neurological problems, and uh this was probably about 50 years ago.
SPEAKER_00: They didn't have a diagnosis for it.
SPEAKER_00: They continued to go towards marriage, and on their wedding day, the last time his wife was able to walk was when she walked down the aisle to say, I do.
SPEAKER_00: And the disease progressed and got worse to the point where she was an invalid and bedridden, and for the next twenty five years, until she passed away, he cared for his wife, and he had vowed and pledged his love, his life, his sacred honor.
SPEAKER_00: There's another man, Leroy, and uh he was an usher at the church, and um just just uh this giant of a man, of course everyone is to me, but just this giant of a man.
SPEAKER_00: And his wife was in the nursing pavilion on the second floor.
SPEAKER_00: She was an Alzheimer's patient.
SPEAKER_00: And she had been there for a number of years.
SPEAKER_00: Every morning he woke up, got himself dressed, and he went there to bathe his wife, to put on her makeup, to fix her hair, and to sit with her.
SPEAKER_00: And he did this every day, every week, every month, every year.
SPEAKER_00: We were having pictures taken for our directory, and he insisted that his wife come with him so that they could take their picture for the directory together.
SPEAKER_00: And some well-meaning man, not um meaning any offense, as he brought her in as Leroy always did, he had her dress, he had her hair made, he had all of her makeup, and and as he rolled her in in her wheelchair, uh, this man was talking to him and said, you know, your wife, you know, she she must have been a really beautiful woman.
SPEAKER_00: And he put his arm around her and he said, She is a beautiful woman.
SPEAKER_00: Marriage is not a contract.
SPEAKER_00: It is a covenant.
SPEAKER_00: It is a covenant regardless of how the other person responds.
SPEAKER_00: It's a covenant regardless of how circumstances unfold in your life.
SPEAKER_00: Marriage is under attack.
SPEAKER_00: It's more than just culturally, it's under attack individually by the enemy.
SPEAKER_00: We as Christians living our lives in the power of the Spirit, demonstrating to a watching world what marriage is supposed to be, is the best argument for the truth of God's word and to confront the lies that this world has to offer and the enemy is promoting.
SPEAKER_00: And so this morning I want to be practical and talk about marriage and God's word and to challenge us, those who are married, to be faithful to the covenant commitment that God has given to us.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, for those of us who uh, for you who are single, maybe you are never married, you never plan on getting married, but you don't know what God might have, or maybe you're too young yet to even consider practically marriage.
SPEAKER_00: But I want you to listen to what God's word says in regards to marriage.
SPEAKER_00: And for each of us to learn from what God's word says in these practical considerations in marriage.
SPEAKER_00: So if you have your Bible open to Ephesians chapter 5, I'm gonna back it up a few verses.
SPEAKER_00: Uh we began in verse 22.
SPEAKER_00: I want to back it up to verse 18 as we examine this teaching in marriage, because there's an important principle that undergirds this that I want to address first of all.
SPEAKER_00: Notice in verse 18, it says, And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
SPEAKER_00: How do we have a God-honoring marriage?
SPEAKER_00: I think, first of all, we find it here in verse 18.
SPEAKER_00: It says, be filled with the Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: Now, the Bible doesn't teach that drinking is wrong, but it does teach that drunkenness is wrong because it takes over and it possesses the individual in a way that they lose control of themselves.
SPEAKER_00: To be filled with the Spirit, one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control.
SPEAKER_00: And so to be filled with the Spirit is to be self-controlled as opposed to drunkenness.
SPEAKER_00: What does it mean to be filled with the Spirit?
SPEAKER_00: Why are we told to be filled with the Spirit?
SPEAKER_00: How does this apply to marriage?
SPEAKER_00: Christian marriage is a union of two redeemed sinners.
SPEAKER_00: This is important for us to recognize to know our own heart.
SPEAKER_00: To know the reality of what is in my heart, in your heart, the reality of our disposition, our inclinations, our drives, our intentions, our desires, the Bible tells us that we are redeemed sinners.
SPEAKER_00: That we are sinners by nature, we are sinners by practice, and until we have our resurrected and glorified bodies, or we go home to be with the Lord, that we will wrestle with indwelling sin.
SPEAKER_00: And it's an ongoing battle, an ongoing reality.
SPEAKER_00: As one author said, we are genuinely new, but we are not totally new.
SPEAKER_00: We are new creatures in Christ, and yet the reality of sin remains, and so as a consequence, we continue to be in a spiritual battle even against our own fleshly sinful desires.
SPEAKER_00: And because of that, in marriage, we have two sinners with two wills, with two desires, with two dispositions, two inclinations, two sinful people now coming together to live as one.
SPEAKER_00: And the only way that we can do this in a way that honors God is to be filled with the Spirit, is to continually recognize our desperate need for Jesus.
SPEAKER_00: To recognize how sinful we are and how prone to selfishness, self-centeredness, pleasure seeking, our own priorities, our own peace, our own provisions, and how much we need God's power every moment of every day.
SPEAKER_00: We naturally will turn from relying on God to doing our own things and our own strength and our own wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: And only God can change our attitudes and the inclination of our heart to genuinely worship Him.
SPEAKER_00: Under all of life is worship.
SPEAKER_00: And so under marriage is worship, and we will either worship God truly and rightly, or else we will worship something or someone else, and the Bible calls that idolatry.
SPEAKER_00: And we're all prone to idolatry, and that's true in the conflicts of marriage.
SPEAKER_00: Let me just give you four, and there are many more, as many as sins are, uh, but but the idol of the idol of peace.
SPEAKER_00: I deserve peace.
SPEAKER_00: I have a right to peace and happiness.
SPEAKER_00: When I come home, this is how my house is supposed to be, and my idol is peace.
SPEAKER_00: Or pleasure.
SPEAKER_00: You know, you only live once, and and and you only go around once, and we need to pursue our own happiness.
SPEAKER_00: Isn't that the American way?
SPEAKER_00: Uh pursuit of life, peace, happiness.
SPEAKER_00: And so pleasure is my idol.
SPEAKER_00: And anything that gets in the way of me enjoying my life.
SPEAKER_00: Or property, stuff.
SPEAKER_00: We put things over people and we use people.
SPEAKER_00: To get things.
SPEAKER_00: And so property of material possessions, whether it's a house or a car or clothes or or or uh anything that we think is going to fulfill us.
SPEAKER_00: For some, there's an idol of provisions.
SPEAKER_00: I have a right to be taken care of.
SPEAKER_00: I have a right to a certain standard of living.
SPEAKER_00: I didn't live this way growing up.
SPEAKER_00: I had more things when I lived at home or when I was single.
SPEAKER_00: And I have a right to these things.
SPEAKER_00: And these are idols in our lives.
SPEAKER_00: And the only way that we can turn from idolatry and worship the true God is by recognizing our sin and repenting it of it and in faith asking God for the strength that we need that we don't have.
SPEAKER_00: And so underlying marriage is the need to be filled with the Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: D.L.
SPEAKER_00: Moody was once asked why he preaches on being filled with the Spirit and he humorously quipped, it's because I leak.
SPEAKER_00: And the fact is, is that our dependence upon God is not a once-a-week affair when we come to church or when we go to Bible study.
SPEAKER_00: It's not a once-a-day affair when we have our quiet time or our devotions or we listen to a sermon on the radio.
SPEAKER_00: It is a moment-by-moment reliance upon God in desperation because we're so sinful and in need of such power that we don't have.
SPEAKER_00: And so Paul says, be filled with the Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: And let me mention this as we go into what the passage says.
SPEAKER_00: What does Paul mean by submitting to one another?
SPEAKER_00: And some have come up with this term, and it sounds good.
SPEAKER_00: I don't think this is the intention of the passage, but we often talk about mutual submission, and we say this in a way that may sound good, but I think it takes away from the intent of what the passage is meaning here and how it applies in the rest of this passage.
SPEAKER_00: Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, the word submit comes from a Greek word which means, as one dictionary, one Greek dictionary says, it means to subordinate, to bring under influence.
SPEAKER_00: And the passive, it means to be subordinated, to be brought under a state or influence, to submit oneself, to render obedience, to be submissive.
SPEAKER_00: And it carries the idea of voluntary subordination in human relationships.
SPEAKER_00: It comes from a military word to mean to fall in line under, and it's a recognition of authority and the need for those who are under that authority to recognize it and to submit under it.
SPEAKER_00: So, how does this apply in the life of the church?
SPEAKER_00: We'll talk about in marriage in a moment, but how does it supply in the life of the church?
SPEAKER_00: It's not a matter of saying, well, I submit to you and you submit to me, and so we're just, if I can quote Barney, one big happy family.
SPEAKER_00: That isn't the intention directly.
SPEAKER_00: What it means is that within the church, we recognize that there are people that have certain roles and responsibilities.
SPEAKER_00: And so when when I'm in uh serving in a ministry, I recognize that those whom God has placed in that role of leadership, and I recognize uh the authority that God has given.
SPEAKER_00: Although we're essentially equals in that role, that person has uh a responsibility, and so that I come under the leadership of that person.
SPEAKER_00: And the roles may change within the church.
SPEAKER_00: Uh for instance, as the lead pastor here, I have roles and responsibilities, and and there are those who uh are accountable to me, and that has been passed to me by the church uh under God's word, and so that's the role that I serve.
SPEAKER_00: Uh but let's say that I um this would never happen, uh, but let's say that I volunteered for music.
SPEAKER_00: And so I told Pat, hey, I want to volunteer for music, and uh, and so when I was serving in that capacity, um, I would be under Pat's leadership.
SPEAKER_00: And so at that point, in regard to that realm of music, I would be under his leadership.
SPEAKER_00: He would have authority to lead that group, and I would come under his authority as the leader of uh the worship team.
SPEAKER_00: And so there would be a mutuality, but it would be in different contexts.
SPEAKER_00: So uh it's important for us to understand, and so this plays into what we see, uh what Paul says next.
SPEAKER_00: And I want to deal with wives, verses 23 through 24 and verse 33, and then uh husbands in 25 through 32.
SPEAKER_00: And so, secondly, first of all, we need to recognize the need to be filled with the Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: We will do things poorly and wrongly, left to our own devices.
SPEAKER_00: So let's quickly go through what this passage says.
SPEAKER_00: Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
SPEAKER_00: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.
SPEAKER_00: Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to her husbands.
SPEAKER_00: The wife is called, in this context, the Bible calls the wife to voluntarily submit herself to the Lord by lovingly following the lead of her husband and showing him respect.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, God has ordained that the husband is to take the loving lead in the marriage relationship, and the wife is to yield to that, recognizing the order which God has instituted within the marriage relationship.
SPEAKER_00: And uh, in that book I mentioned earlier by Winston Smith in Marriage Matters, he writes this: He says, Wives have a unique responsibility and face a unique temptation.
SPEAKER_00: They share a common duty to love, and in addition, wives are responsible to love their husbands by accepting his authority and respecting his role as husband.
SPEAKER_00: There are many temptations in submission, but the most common is to reject or undermine authority.
SPEAKER_00: Paul urges wives to accept and respect their husbands' authority as a way of entrusting themselves to Christ's care and submitting to Christ's authority.
SPEAKER_00: And this is the analogy between human marriage and the church's relationship to Christ.
SPEAKER_00: As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands.
SPEAKER_00: This is what Paul says in verse 24.
SPEAKER_00: So, what does it mean in a human relationship to submit?
SPEAKER_00: I think the closest word that I can come up with would be to defer or to yield to the authority of another in those areas where you cannot come to common consensus and in those areas which the Bible does not directly address.
SPEAKER_00: Clearly, the Bible tells us in areas of right and wrong of morality that we have the right and the responsibility to obey God rather than men.
SPEAKER_00: But in those, in those matters of personal opinion and preference, um, a husband and a wife are to talk openly and to try to come to a consensus and an agreement, but when that isn't the case, the God has called the wife to defer to the leadership of the husband.
SPEAKER_00: This doesn't mean that the that you must obey without discussion or question everything that your husband says.
SPEAKER_00: In fact, uh, even the very fact that God gives an order recognizes the underlying inherent equality between men and women.
SPEAKER_00: The fact that God has to address and give a recognition of what the order is reveals to us that inherently before God, and the Bible says this, that men and women are have an inherent essential equality.
SPEAKER_00: But within the role of a marriage relationship, God has called the wife to submit to the husband and to show him respect.
SPEAKER_00: It says that in verse 33.
SPEAKER_00: Um Paul says this because there's a natural sinful tendency in each one of us to see the shortcomings of others and to show disdain or disregard.
SPEAKER_00: But let me say this, ladies, I know this oftentimes is a very difficult uh message to hear, but I believe that really, if we understand this passage clearly, that the wives have uh the easier part in the marriage relationship.
SPEAKER_00: Because notice what Paul says to husbands.
SPEAKER_00: Paul says in verse 25, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
SPEAKER_00: In other words, what Paul is saying there is, as husbands are to be Christ to his wife.
SPEAKER_00: And how did Christ love the church?
SPEAKER_00: He sacrificially gave himself for the church.
SPEAKER_00: How did Christ love the church that he loved the church sacrificially?
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't selfishly, he gave himself for the church.
SPEAKER_00: It was selflessly, it wasn't for uh for himself, it was for uh the the good pleasure of the glory of God, it was for others.
SPEAKER_00: It was wholeheartedly.
SPEAKER_00: Uh there was a wholeheartedness to uh Christ's love for the church.
SPEAKER_00: It was joyfully in Hebrews 12, too, for the joy set before him, Christ endured the cross.
SPEAKER_00: It was purposefully to cleanse her, it says, and to purify the church.
SPEAKER_00: And it was continuously, until she has no spot or wrinkle, uh, we see Christ's love for the church being played out each day.
SPEAKER_00: So practically, how does this apply?
SPEAKER_00: Paul says, love your wives as you love your own body.
SPEAKER_00: There's a natural care and concern.
SPEAKER_00: To love your wives as yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Well, what are some of the practical implications of this?
SPEAKER_00: Well, let me just list a few in closing.
SPEAKER_00: The foundation of this is sacrificial love, not domineering authority.
SPEAKER_00: Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her husbands.
SPEAKER_00: What is your role in the marriage relationship?
SPEAKER_00: It is to give everything out of love for your wife.
SPEAKER_00: It is to do anything, be anything, go any place, offer anything, sacrifice anything for the holiness and the well-being of your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: That's what it means to be the head of the house.
SPEAKER_00: It is not domineering, it's not authoritarian, it is not overbearing.
SPEAKER_00: As a husband, you have the call to build up your wife and to help her grow in her faith.
SPEAKER_00: That's what it says.
SPEAKER_00: That's the living illustration of the church.
SPEAKER_00: You are to be the shepherd, pastor of her heart, to help her grow in holiness and love and wisdom.
SPEAKER_00: You're called to serve your wife in sacrificial love.
SPEAKER_00: Ultimately, you are to love your wife in the same way Christ loved the church, giving his very life for her.
SPEAKER_00: That means you must put her needs before your needs.
SPEAKER_00: You must be willing to suffer loss for her gain.
SPEAKER_00: Practically speaking, you must know your wife well.
SPEAKER_00: You must know her particular needs.
SPEAKER_00: You must know her wants and her needs.
SPEAKER_00: You must know her joys and her fears.
SPEAKER_00: You must know her dreams and her desires.
SPEAKER_00: You must know her strengths and her weaknesses, and do everything you can in God's power for her good, for God's glory.
SPEAKER_00: That's what it means to be the head of the house.
SPEAKER_00: So often this passage is used and distorted in some authoritarian and demeaning way, but if we understand what Paul says here, we understand the pattern for marriage.
SPEAKER_00: But we can only do that in God's power, we can only do that in God's strength.
SPEAKER_00: We can only do that with the power of the Holy Spirit.
SPEAKER_00: And God has called you to focus on you, not to change your spouse.
SPEAKER_00: For you to submit to the Lord, for you to confess your sin, for you to seek the Lord, for you to do what God has called you to do and allow the Lord to do what he is doing in your spouse's life.
SPEAKER_00: I want to close by giving an illustration that I'd read several years ago about a pastor, Dr.
SPEAKER_00: E.
SPEAKER_00: V.
SPEAKER_00: Hill, and it illustrates a lot of the different points that uh we talked about this morning.
SPEAKER_00: Let me share with you, this is what uh Dr.
SPEAKER_00: Hill shared at his wife's funeral.
SPEAKER_00: Uh, Dr.
SPEAKER_00: Hill was a minister, uh senior pastor of Mount Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Los Angeles.
SPEAKER_00: Uh he lost his wife to cancer several years ago.
SPEAKER_00: And and this was what was written.
SPEAKER_00: Uh it says in one of the most moving messages I've ever heard, Dr.
SPEAKER_00: Hill spoke about Jane at her funeral and described the way that this classy lady made him a better man.
SPEAKER_00: And this is what was written.
SPEAKER_00: It says, as a struggling young preacher, Evie had some trouble earning a living that led him to invest the family's scarce resources over Jane's objections in the purchase of a service station.
SPEAKER_00: She felt her husband lacked the time and expertise to oversee his investment, which proved to be accurate.
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, the station went broke and Evie lost his shirt in the deal.
SPEAKER_00: It was a critical time in the life of this young man.
SPEAKER_00: He had failed at something important, and his wife would have been justified in saying, I told you so.
SPEAKER_00: But Jane had an intuitive understanding of her husband's vulnerability.
SPEAKER_00: Thus, when Eevee called to tell her that he had lost his station, she simply said, All right.
SPEAKER_00: Evie came home that night expecting his wife to be pouting over his foolish investment.
SPEAKER_00: Instead, she sat down with him and said, I've been doing some figuring.
SPEAKER_00: I figure that you don't smoke and you don't drink.
SPEAKER_00: If you smoked and drink, you would have lost as much as you lost in that service station.
SPEAKER_00: So it's six in one hand and half a dozen in the other.
SPEAKER_00: Let's forget about it.
SPEAKER_00: Jane could have shattered her husband's confidence at that delicate juncture.
SPEAKER_00: The male ego is surprisingly fragile.
SPEAKER_00: Hear that, ladies?
SPEAKER_00: Especially during times of failure and embarrassment.
SPEAKER_00: That's why Evie needed her to hear her say, I still believe in you.
SPEAKER_00: And that's precisely the message she conveyed to him.
SPEAKER_00: Shortly after the fiasco at the service station, Evie came home one night and found the house dark.
SPEAKER_00: When he opened the door, he saw that Jane had prepared a candlelight dinner for two.
SPEAKER_00: What meanest thou this?
SPEAKER_00: He said with his characteristic humor.
SPEAKER_00: Well, said Jane, we're going to eat by candlelight tonight.
SPEAKER_00: Evie thought this was a great idea and went into the bathroom to wash his hands.
SPEAKER_00: He tried unsuccessfully to turn on the light.
SPEAKER_00: Then he spelt his way into the bedroom and flipped another switch.
SPEAKER_00: Darkness prevailed.
SPEAKER_00: The young pastor went back to the dining room and asked Jane why the electricity was off.
SPEAKER_00: She began to cry.
SPEAKER_00: You worked so hard and were trying, said Jane.
SPEAKER_00: But it's pretty rough.
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have quite enough money to pay the light bill.
SPEAKER_00: I didn't want you to know about it.
SPEAKER_00: So I thought we would just eat by candlelight tonight.
SPEAKER_00: Dr.
SPEAKER_00: Hill described his wife's words with intense emotion.
SPEAKER_00: She could have said, I've never been in this situation before.
SPEAKER_00: I was reared in the home of Dr.
SPEAKER_00: Carruthers, and we never had our lights cut off.
SPEAKER_00: She could have broken my spirit.
SPEAKER_00: She could have ruined me.
SPEAKER_00: She could have demoralized me.
SPEAKER_00: But instead, she said, somehow or another we'll get these lights on.
SPEAKER_00: But let's eat tonight by candlelight.
SPEAKER_00: Evie continued, she was my protector.
SPEAKER_00: Some years ago I received quite a few death threats, and one night I received a notice that I would be killed the next day.
SPEAKER_00: I woke up thankful to be alive.
SPEAKER_00: But I noticed she was gone.
SPEAKER_00: I looked out the window and my car was gone.
SPEAKER_00: I went outside and finally saw her driving up in her bathrobe.
SPEAKER_00: I said, Where have you been?
SPEAKER_00: She said, I, I.
SPEAKER_00: It just occurred to me that they could have put a bomb in the car last night, and if you had gone in there, you would have been blown away.
SPEAKER_00: So I got up and drove it.
SPEAKER_00: It's alright.
SPEAKER_00: Jane must have been an incredible lady.
SPEAKER_00: Of her many gifts and attributes, I am most impressed by her awareness of the role she played in strengthening and supporting her husband.
SPEAKER_00: Evie Hill has been a powerful Christian leader today.
SPEAKER_00: Who would have believed that he needed his wife to build and preserve his confidence?
SPEAKER_00: But that is the way that men are.
SPEAKER_00: Most of us are a little shaky inside, especially during early adulthood.
SPEAKER_00: Would you join me as I close this in prayer?
SPEAKER_00: Father, marriage is under attack.
SPEAKER_00: The best response that we have to a watching world is to by your spirit live out the life that you've called us to live.
SPEAKER_00: Lord, we are weak, we are sinful, we are prone to wander.
SPEAKER_00: Give us the humility to cry out to you and the grace and the strength we need.
SPEAKER_00: And Father, I pray for each marriage here, in those areas of sin where repentance is called for, that even now you will convict our hearts.
SPEAKER_00: Help us to see what you have called us to be, and for each one in this covenant relationship before you to live the life that you have called us to live individually, that you might be glorified, and that your word proclaimed by our very lives.
SPEAKER_00: We pray in Jesus' name.
SPEAKER_00: Amen.