For some, aging alone is inevitable either because they were always single or they just never had children. My guest today, Dr. Sara Zeff Geber is the author of Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers: A Retirement and Aging Roadmap for Single and Childless Adults, she's a retirement coach, and also a professional speaker on retirement and aging and she says that the truth is, we’re all solo agers if we live long enough. Successful solo agers have learned how to age alone and they have lessons we all need to learn.
For some, aging alone is inevitable either because they were always single or they just never had children. My guest today, Dr. Sara Zeff Geber is the author of Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers: A Retirement and Aging Roadmap for Single and Childless Adults, she's a retirement coach, and also a professional speaker on retirement and aging and she says that the truth is, we’re all solo agers if we live long enough. Successful solo agers have learned how to age alone and they have lessons we all need to learn.
Welcome to the senior bulletin podcast. For some aging alone is inevitable, either because they were always single, or they just never had children. My guest today, Dr. Sarah Zeff Geber is an author, a retirement coach, and also a professional speaker on retirement and aging. And she says, The truth is, we're all solo agers if we live long enough.
Unknown Speaker :successful solo agers have learned how to age alone, and they have lessons we all need to learn. My name is Darren, and this is the senior Bulletin Podcast, where we discuss issues and topics that matter to seniors.
Unknown Speaker :You're listening to the senior bulletin podcast with Darren Marlow, the podcast where we discuss issues that matter to seniors.
Unknown Speaker :If you wouldn't mind, please start by defining solo aging for us. Sure, I'd be happy to. Um, I'll start by saying that I do not have children. And I looked around me about 10 years ago, and I realized that a lot of my contemporaries, also baby boomers did not have children. I thought, Wow, what's going to happen to us as we get older, because I also see tremendous numbers of baby boomers still taking care of their aging parents. And as people get into their 80s, and 90s, they usually need some assistance. And I thought, who's gonna do that for those of us who don't have children, so I gave a name to us of solo agers and that's kind of stuck and other people are using it now, which I'm happy to, happy to hear.
Unknown Speaker :But I've also expanded the definition beyond
Unknown Speaker :Just people who don't have children. I got a lot of feedback in the beginning from people who did have kids but whose kids lived far away, or they were somehow estranged, and they felt like they were solo agers too. So my current definition of a solo ager is anyone who either does not have children, or is aging alone for other reasons. And even though I'm married, many solo agers do have spouses now, both my husband and I do not know which of us will be left standing after the other one pre deceases us so we both consider ourselves solo agers and plan accordingly. And that's what I think all solo agers should do perfect. And you're also the author of essential retirement planning for solo agers a retirement and aging roadmap for single and childless adults that received recognition from the Wall Street Journal today.
Unknown Speaker :More about your publication
Unknown Speaker :came the book came out almost exactly two years ago in 2018. And it was, it was instantly a best seller on Amazon in its category. And it's continued to be very, very popular because a lot of people see themselves as solo agers and would like some help understanding what it is that they can do for themselves now, so that they'll be safe and secure in their, their oldest days. And of course, none of us have a crystal ball. We don't know how long we're going to live. But we're watching more and more people live quite healthfully into their 90s and even early hundreds. So that's not going to be an unusual thing with baby boom generation. Medical science can keep us alive now, under some conditions where that used to be lethal. So
Unknown Speaker :We're gonna live long lives, many of us, and we need to know how to keep ourselves safe and secure as we become a bit less able to do that for ourselves in many cases.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I recently read where I believe they said the first person who's gonna live to be 125 years old has been born. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think that's true. Yeah. So, so how did how does subtle aging catch your attention? And why do you think it's such a big deal? Well, it caught my attention because I am one. I am a solo ager, I do not have children. And the reason I think it's going to be a big deal is because when I started doing the research into it, I discovered that almost one in five baby boomer women did not have children. And that's a very big number. And of course, we can't say with as much assurance, what percentage of men don't have children because let's face it,
Unknown Speaker :Some men have children out there and they don't even know. But
Unknown Speaker :but we can say that there's probably a fairly corresponding number of men also that didn't have children. Now, women still today live longer than men by approximately seven years. So most solo agers are going to be women. Most solo agers are already women.
Unknown Speaker :But there will be men. And but so both genders need to prepare for this. And again, whether they're whether they have a spouse or partner right now or not, unless you get hit by the same bus on the same day one of you is going to pre deceased the other so it's best to plan as though you were going to be a solo ager.
Unknown Speaker :Now you mentioned that women outlive men by approximately seven years. Why is that?
Unknown Speaker :Well, that's a that's been a very good question for many
Unknown Speaker :years.
Unknown Speaker :Back in the 50s and 60s, the common thinking was that women lived longer because they didn't have the stress of work that men did.
Unknown Speaker :And they would they avoided that somehow the stress of bringing up kids and managing a household budget somehow that didn't factor into it. But the stress of work was supposedly what killed men earlier. Well, now, of course, both genders work. And
Unknown Speaker :it's it's really hard to call that out as the reason why women live longer. It's still unknown. I mean, it may just be
Unknown Speaker :more longevity may just be written into our DNA
Unknown Speaker :or into the the, into our genes somehow, but I honestly believe that women do take better care of themselves. I can see that and
Unknown Speaker :Totally, and I can read about it statistically, when I dig into the research on how women are taking care of themselves, and how men often aren't, and it's everything from getting our bodies into good shape.
Unknown Speaker :And doesn't mean we have to be an athlete, but certainly able to move and to
Unknown Speaker :and to do, at least the kinds of activities that are required of us on a daily basis, as well as getting some additional exercise by walking or biking or playing tennis or anything that gets us out and moving.
Unknown Speaker :Women also tend to eat better more healthfully than men. So, you know,
Unknown Speaker :those are more anecdotal than than statistical based, although you can find some statistics to bear that up out too. So that's my best guess as to why women live longer, but again, we just don't know for sure. Okay, fair enough.
Unknown Speaker :I have to probably bring some guys on here we could debate that in another show
Unknown Speaker :definitely I could find some men who run counter to that
Unknown Speaker :generalization
Unknown Speaker :So Dr. giver from a financial and a legal standpoint should solo agers should they plan differently than people who have children
Unknown Speaker :Well think of children as a safety net for most people. Now, you know I have I have a lot of people shake their head at me when I've said that to my kids are not going to be any kind of a safety net. But you know, when when push comes to shove, and parents get into trouble and need help,
Unknown Speaker :nine out of 10 kids come rushing to their aid somehow or other either physically or monetarily or whatever is required.
Unknown Speaker :So
Unknown Speaker :those of us without children and those of us
Unknown Speaker :Kids maybe live six or 9000 miles away, need to be a little more strategic and a little more robust in our planning. We just don't have that safety net. So that in case we didn't get around to that planning quite soon enough, well, gosh, the kids are there to make those decisions for us. But again, in the case of solo agers, there will not be children available to make the decisions, the health care decisions, the monetary decisions. So it's it's really incumbent upon us to engage the services of an attorney to do an estate plan. And by the way, when I know that what most people think of attorneys all of a sudden cash register signs and dollar signs come floating up before your eyes. And yes, attorneys private attorneys can be costly but if you have not been in the state
Unknown Speaker :Plan and you need to do one and you can't afford the 200 and up an hour that an attorney charges I'm checking in with your local
Unknown Speaker :Council on Aging or Area Agency on Aging. They often have attorneys that work at much reduced costs to do basic estate planning with older adults in their area. So by all means ever, all older adults should know that every county in the US every county or parish or however it's divided in your state
Unknown Speaker :has access to services for older adults. It's part of the national program that was put into effect quite some years ago. And
Unknown Speaker :anyone who needs it can easily take advantage of it. You just need to find out where it is in your area. usually buy an online search and pay them a visit or these days, probably find most of what you need.
Unknown Speaker :online.
Unknown Speaker :So more robust planning earlier planning, more vigilant planning. That's I think what's necessary for solo agers? Yeah.
Unknown Speaker :All right. Well, just to change changed the topic just a little bit.
Unknown Speaker :I know that some people, some of their biggest fear is loneliness
Unknown Speaker :are solo agers are they more vulnerable to isolation and, and loneliness as they get older? And is there anything they can do to to prevent that?
Unknown Speaker :Yes, I believe that they're more vulnerable to loneliness because they total agers are alone by virtue of the title. So unless,
Unknown Speaker :unless we do something to disrupt that.
Unknown Speaker :Solo agers will end up alone as they get older.
Unknown Speaker :For everyone with encroaching age comes some encroaching
Unknown Speaker :lesser abilities. So for instance, your vision may not be what it was when you are in your 40s or 50s. Many, many people when they get into their 60s and 70s stopped driving at night, and there's good reason for that drop, our night vision deteriorates as we get older. Now, science is coming up with a lot of interesting things to help with that there are some tinted lenses and various things you can get for your glasses. And we're even the automakers are coming up with ways to see better at night for everyone.
Unknown Speaker :But currently, night vision tends to deteriorate that's that's just one thing.
Unknown Speaker :You can do a lot to mitigate that kind of deterioration in yourself.
Unknown Speaker :Not just vision but making sure that you have proper vision, sorry, glasses or any kind of vision aid if you need them, making sure you're wearing hearing aids if your hearing has deteriorated, some
Unknown Speaker :keeping, keeping yourself flexible and able to balance well are also important.
Unknown Speaker :Um, there's just
Unknown Speaker :so many ways that we can keep ourselves in better shape, and going forward. That's pretty important.
Unknown Speaker :Now as far as loneliness, fortunately, there's some things in place nowadays called social media
Unknown Speaker :that a lot of folks can possibly take advantage of, or increasing their social network. And
Unknown Speaker :you have some good ideas as to some of the ways that older adults can develop
Unknown Speaker :Then nurture a stronger social network, even if they're starting from scratch. So what are some of the ways for older adults to develop and to nurture a strong social network, even if they're beginning to start from scratch?
Unknown Speaker :Sure. Um, well, social network encompasses all the people in your sphere.
Unknown Speaker :It starts with family, whatever family you have, just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you don't have other family. You probably have a sibling and that sibling probably has some kids. So in that social network, let's purse first place family members.
Unknown Speaker :Most importantly, those family members that live near you, that could potentially be a source of companionship, a source of comfort, a source of help if you needed them along with
Unknown Speaker :family come, friends, people that you know, outside of your family circles, maybe neighbors. And
Unknown Speaker :ideally, we have all been nurturing our social networks all along in our lives, through people we've met at work. And then sometimes there's a big shift when we retire. And those people from work kind of fade out of our lives and we acquire new friends. But often we have to work at that because we're friends develop naturally out of a work situation. We often have to make a make a point of getting new friends after we leave our work, our work circles. So again, neighbors are great candidates for that. Also clubs that you might join.
Unknown Speaker :Now that you're retired or contemplating retirement, think about what you would like to do with that time. Would you like to do more reading
Unknown Speaker :encourage you to join a book club book club. Clubs can be tremendous sources of friendships, new friendships. And remember, too, that friendships aren't born overnight. They take time to develop, they take time to nurture. So don't be too quick to judge the other people in your group as being
Unknown Speaker :too old or too young or too,
Unknown Speaker :too different from you politically or whatever it might be. Take the time to get to know them and slowly build your social network beyond what it kind of naturally is with family and work friends.
Unknown Speaker :This is harder for some people to do than others.
Unknown Speaker :The often people call themselves introverts who don't get out there much and socialize but even the the healthy introverts that I know have at least a small circle of friends that are special in their lives. What I'm encouraging you to do
Unknown Speaker :is deliberately expand that small circle, and include more people. Because very honestly, as we get older people leave our lives for a number of reasons. And so our social network has to continue to be replenished in a lot of different ways. So what I encourage my soul aged clients to do is to put themselves out there, join interest groups, join clubs, maybe it's a hiking club, maybe it's a quilting club. Maybe it's
Unknown Speaker :a group you find on meetup.com. Maybe it's a group you find through educational activities. If you are taking classes now that you're now that you have more time.
Unknown Speaker :Today, online, hopefully in the future, again, live, but friendships even can be born and nurtured online.
Unknown Speaker :So again, social
Unknown Speaker :network is is something that includes all the people in your I call it your sphere, your sphere of influence or your sphere of contact. And again, it's family and friends and other people that are in your life for whatever reason, it may even include your doctors or caregivers. So that's, that's what a social network is. And we should never ever take it for granted and never ever take it as locked in cement because they never are. They change constantly. And that's especially true as we get into our older lives. Mm hmm. So for those who aren't as computer savvy or
Unknown Speaker :internet savvy as others are, are there places where
Unknown Speaker :people can learn about some of the social networking that's available out there?
Unknown Speaker :I'm sure well
Unknown Speaker :Of course today, when you say there, there are places people can go, the only place we can really go is online. Yes, that's what I mean online. Yes, certainly there are.
Unknown Speaker :meetup.com is a way to connect with people with similar interests in your area. Many of the senior centers have an online presence. And of course today
Unknown Speaker :nothing needs to be actually geographically local. If you're looking for ways to be less isolated in today's Coronavirus world.
Unknown Speaker :Look to sites like vitality society is one that is put on all kinds of classes and group discussions specifically for older adults.
Unknown Speaker :SR planet is another one that does that.
Unknown Speaker :So there's a lot of resources out there. But people have to be a little bit computer savvy, at least, to be able to search for those for those places, or have a friend do it for you.
Unknown Speaker :Never been as important as it is today for people to have at least a little bit of knowledge of how to use the internet because it's our lifeline. And it's going to be probably for another year or so. Absolutely.
Unknown Speaker :And Dr. Kemper, you also have a website.
Unknown Speaker :Tell us about what's on your Tell us about your site and what people will find there.
Unknown Speaker :Well, my site is pretty much devoted to my speaking and to the book. Now today. I don't do any live speaking. Right now. I'm doing a lot of things like this interviews on radio and
Unknown Speaker :webinars that I do for particular organizations.
Unknown Speaker :So, right now what you could get on my site is a kind of an advanced look at my book. And you could download some of what I have for free on my site or the ability to download some of the assessments and worksheets that I that I use in the book. So if you're interested in that, I would encourage you to go to Sarah Zeff geber COMM And check out some of those things.
Unknown Speaker :And tell us the name of your book again and where listeners can buy a pet. Sure, it's essential retirement planning for solo agers. And you can most easily buy it on Amazon.
Unknown Speaker :Perfect, answer anything else you'd like to share with the audience? I think we've covered a lot of territory. I just want to encourage people to get out there and build community
Unknown Speaker :help build community wherever you are. One of the things that we can do during our sheltering in place is that we can interact with our neighbors, neighbors can easily
Unknown Speaker :set up picnics in a nearby park and is suddenly in a socially distance way. Or if you live in a neighborhood where people have backyards or decks. You can you can do some socially distance. socializing that way, and I really encourage people to do that. Use caution, be careful, everybody should bring their own everything
Unknown Speaker :by but we just because we are sheltering in place doesn't need doesn't mean that we need to believe it, that we can have absolutely no contact with other human beings. We should be having contact with other human beings. It's what keeps us alive. Absolutely. Dr. Gerber. We do appreciate you being here with us today on the senior bullets
Unknown Speaker :And the information you share with us is invaluable. And we really hope you have a great day. And thank you very much. Thank you, Darren, I appreciate that and same to you. Thank you. Bye bye.
Unknown Speaker :I hope you enjoyed this podcast. And if you would, please subscribe. And that way you can enjoy all of our future podcasts. Be sure to visit the senior bulletin comm where you can sign up for our newsletter, connect with our former guests, learn about Medicare and also quotes and apply for life.
Unknown Speaker :Take care and I'll talk to you next