Why Women Walk Away From The Cuckold/Hotwife Lifestyle

The fantasy says the cuckolding and hotwifing lifestyle is effortless: hotter sex, more confidence, more freedom, and a stronger bond. The truth is a lot messier, and when women leave, it’s usually not random. Venus is joined by Crystal Welch and Blonde On The Bay for a real, sometimes brutal look at what actually drives women and couples to walk away from the cuckolding and hotwifing lifestyle.

Links:

Crystal Welch - https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/cw

Blonde on the Bay - X and Bluesky

Meet & Greet with Venus May 7th in Canada - https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/events

Be a guest on the show! https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/contact-venus

❤️Venus Connections❤️ - Matchmaking for loving cuckolding relationships and female-led relationships. Learn more at https://www.venusconnections.com/

👑♠️ Maison De Neige is high end lifestyle and streetwear fashion with a passion for the beauty of interracial combined with high fashion. Visit https://www.maisondeneige.com/

❤️xoafterglow.com❤️ Meet the platform for ethical porn. Made by women, for women (and everyone). We make and share videos that portray sex accurately and treat performers with dignity, because nothing is sexier than consent. Use code VENUS for a free 7 day trial at ➡️ https://afterglow.ubpages.com/venus/

Transcript

Show Intro And Guest Tease

SPEAKER_02 0:45

This is the Venus Cuckolders Podcast, a place to learn all things cuckolding for the curious, for the passionate, and for the sexually empowered woman who wants it all.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

Let's go.

Announcements And Meet And Greet

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Venus. Thanks for joining me today. I have a special episode today with my friends Crystal Welch and Blonde on the Bay. We're going to be talking about why women and couples might walk away from the cuckled and hot wife lifestyle. I think it happens more often than you'd assume. And we're going to be talking about some of the reasons behind it. And some of you may totally understand the frustrations, the struggles, or sometimes even the complete fucking catastrophes, the crash and burns, the oh shit, what the fuck happened in the cuckled and hot wife lifestyle. And you can check out the show notes for today's episode to get the links and information for Crystal Welch. Of course, she's got lots of stuff that she offers for people in the lifestyle, as well as Blonde on the Bay. You can check out her links and resources, and she does events now as well. So check out the show notes for that. Now, for announcements before we jump into the show, uh, first of all, I know at the beginning of this year I put a shout out to everybody uh saying I this is the year I really want to highlight women as guests on the show to share their stories about the cuckled hot wife lifestyle. If you are a woman or know of a woman who would like to share her story on the show, I would love to hear from you. You can go to VenusCuckledress.com, click on the contact form, and send me an email that way. That would be great. And then also I have a special event that's coming up. It is a casual meet and greet uh where you can come and say hello to me. You can meet me in person. This is gonna be a fun little casual event. I'm gonna be traveling through the Okanagan Valley in British Columbia, Canada, and that will be Thursday, May 7th. So mark your calendars. If you are local to the Okanagan Valley area of British Columbia, Canada, and you would like to come and meet me on May 7th, you can just come on down. It's a free event, it's a very casual event. I'm not renting out a space, I'm just gonna be in a funky little love this place little bar, and you can just come and share a drink and say hello and introduce yourself. It's gonna be a ton of fun. And that you can either register uh on FetLife. I've created an event. My profile on FetLife is Venus Queen. So you can go check out my profile and you can see my event on there. Click on it, and you can RSVP and get more information about where exactly it is. Or you can register in the Queen's Quarters community, which is my free online community for anybody interested in the lifestyle. And you can get to that through Venuscuckled.com. Just click on the Queen's Quarters community link. And last but not least, I would like to say a big huge thank you to all of my listeners of the podcast. Thank you for tuning in all the time and being uh a fan of the show, and especially a big thank you to everyone who has supported this podcast by becoming a supporter. And I have two different tier levels on Venuscuckled.com. I have the Friends with Benefits tier and the Helpful Cuck Tiers, and those are paid tiers where supporters can support the show, and they get all sorts of really awesome benefits. In the Friends with Benefits tier, you get like, I think it's like a hundred bonus episodes, private. That's the private podcast that you get access to, which is pretty cool, and a bunch of other benefits. And then the helpful cuck tier, you get uh a free private chat with me each month, as well as a weekly live hangout where we get to hang out by video and and chat about all things going on in my life. Plus, you get access to the private Snapchat group. So it's a ton of fun. It's a great way to get to know myself as well as some of the other supporters. And I will say that they're just the Helpful Cut group has been around for a while. There's a lot of guys in there who've been in there for a long time, and they're all friends now, which is pretty fucking cool. And you might meet some of them actually at the uh meet and greet event that's happening in May. So there's that. If you want to join either one of those tiers and support this show, you can just go to VenusCucklegist.com and click on the link where it says the fan hub. All right, that's it for announcements. Let's jump into this show today.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

Here we go.

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Welcome to the show, everybody. I'm doing a special show with my friend Crystal Welch. And we also have Blonde on the Bay joining us. We're gonna be talking about why women want might want to leave the cuckolding life or hot wifing lifestyle, and um we're gonna be discussing all of that today. So welcome everybody to the show. Hello, Crystal. Hello, Blonde on the Bay. Hello, so glad to be here.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Hello, always nice to chat with you, ladies.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Okay, so this is such a great topic. I know that I've thought about this, I've come across this over the years, um, and but I haven't really come across anybody talking about this subject of why women specifically would be wanting to leave this lifestyle. I know I have my own experiences that have made me want to leave the lifestyle. I've seen lots of couples exit over the years and never really knew what happened. So this is going to be great to discuss this. Crystal, do you want to start out by talking a little bit about this topic and what you've come across?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Yeah, I um I'm primarily a writer. I write far more than I podcast these days. And I'm interested in what my readers think because I've gotten a pretty healthy following uh where my blog is, and I'm always asking them what they what they think about different topics, and they leave me feedback. Some of them will write two or three paragraphs of thoughts if something really sparks them. And so I started taking notes and I started keeping track. Now lay that on the backdrop of I too have been very serious about leaving the lifestyle. And a lot of it is the reasons that I can go through. So I came up with six primary things that other people told me that causes them to become disenchanted with the lifestyle, and then in some cases ultimately leave it.

When It Feels Transactional

SPEAKER_02 8:09

What are some of the things that that people have been saying about this topic?

Consent Risks And Assault Reality

Practical Safety And Partner Presence

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Well, starting with this one, because this is my my biggest reason why I why I have considered jumping out. Um, and it is the transactional nature that can be for a lot of people. Lack of curiosity, being treated like I'm just an experience to collect, not actually a person to connect with. There's no it doesn't seem to be the reciprocity and desire. Our pleasure and comfort is an afterthought oftentimes. And I, for one, look for you know, some intellectual conversation, and I've got to have connection. And in the absence of those two things, I'm out. And so that leaves me in a very narrow niche anyway, because not every woman wants that. There's lots of women who don't want that connection, you know, they just want a transaction, but a lot of women do want it. I think oftentimes women don't know how to ask for that. They they try and approach and try and get conversation and try and get connection going and don't really know how to do it. I mean, there's enough handbook for this, so that's a big reason that gets discouraged, demeaning and discouraging, and that has caused uh a number of women that follow me. Oh, I wanted to mention too that I I write down these answers when I when these questions come up, and this is where a lot of this information has come from. It's not just me, but that happens to be one of my big ones. If I was, you know, I have a particular difficulty and then I live in a non-diverse area, which makes it hard to connect anyway, and then I have these other requirements on top of that, which puts me in a very, very narrow slice. And I acknowledge that, but I'm not the only one that feels that way. So I think what bulls miss when they hear that women want genuine connection, it's for many of us, it's it's what makes it memorable and what keeps me willing to engage. Uh, transactional nature burns bridges, and I don't wanna I don't wanna engage. And I think there's a lot of women that feel that way. Then the big one, uh, safety. Um women are being assaulted at lifestyle events and in private spaces. It's not rare. Uh and the consent boundaries are often pushed, ignored, or treated as suggestions. And the attitude seems to be she's here at a lifestyle event, so anything goes. She's here, so she's available, you know, on my terms. And then I think what happens on top of that is some of these communities, you know. We have a friend that recently talked about this, the communities that protect their own reputation and they're regulars over the women who have been harmed, and the victims are quietly asked not to cause drama. I think this is very, very common. You'd be shocked at how many women, when I bring up the with uh the topic of safety, how many women raise their hands and say, I've been raped, and I've been raped personally. And uh it's a really tough topic and still hard to talk about. And how do we make inroads with that? I think these these difficult things we have to talk about or they never get solved. But to just go silent, you know, there's no formal reporting structures or accountability. And I think I think it's possible. I mean, I don't have any statistics, but it's possible that predatory type men might seek out ethical non-monogamy social events because they feel there is no accountability. That thought that uh if you're here at a sex party, you get sex, you know, if I want it. And um, and that's just terribly dangerous. So I think the hard truth for for bulls that might be hearing this uh if you're not actively creating safety, you're part of the environment that it now enables the men who aren't. And I think that's really where it comes down. Men have to also be proactive and protective towards women and not just protect the you know the bros because it's it's really that is absolutely I I mean I know we personally have known people that have just bounced at a lifestyle because there was no account, no accountability, yeah, no, no responsibility for what happened. Yeah, and uh and it's really sad.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Londe, I wanted to ask you about these first two reasons that uh Crystal has listed off. So it being the lifestyle just feeling very transactional and not a lot of depth as far as like connection and stuff like that for women. And I happen to agree that a lot of women do really want that. They do want that kind of connection and they just don't find it. And it's kind of gives them the ick. But uh, Blondie, I wanted to ask you about that and the safety aspect that Crystal was bringing up.

The Exhausting Search For Bulls

SPEAKER_00 14:07

Well, yeah, safety, safety first, always for me. Like I have couples telling me that, oh, they're gonna go on a trip and she's gonna meet her first guy, but she doesn't want me there. And that's a huge red flag for me. And I stop them right away and know her safety comes before anything else. Don't let her go meet some guy by herself, you know. And because it's not an it like you said, it's not always somebody that you don't know, it's often somebody that you do. So if you're partnered, bring your partner. You know, be aware and and husbands, partners, you should have your wife or girlfriend's safety as the top. You know, stop thinking with your little dick and realize this woman is more important than any hot scene you might get to watch. Um, and as far as the transactional versus connection, I know women in both courts. You know, I know a lot of women for whom this is just an escape from reality. They go to these events and they just get their you know, brains fucked out and they love it, that's what they're there for. But yet there are many women, like you guys have said, and similar to yourselves, who who do require it or want that connection. It's not just a numbers game for them. And I'm mostly in your court as well, in that I I'm not a numbers girl. I would prefer to meet somebody, have a conversation, make sure that they have a great personality. But when you go to the big events, you go in there realizing that's not what this is about. If you want the connection and stuff, it's more of a one-on-one meeting somebody. And then you get into that whole, well, then how do we meet somebody? How do you find the right one? How do you find the right guy? How do we find the right bull? So, yeah, I can understand why women would be completely frustrated if they want connection and the only times they ever play in the lifestyle are at these big events. That would, I mean, if I thought that that was all it was, I would be out too. So it's exploring, it's finding other ways to make those connections. And, you know, like yourself, Crystal, I live in a very non-diverse area here in Canada. And you know, I it'll go it, I'll be three, four months without playing. And and that's hard. Uh, but it is what it is. So I have I have some good quality connections and I look forward to those.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Yeah, I feel you on that.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

I live in like the fucking worst place. You and I are tied. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Yeah, I I don't know. We're all in the same arena with that thing. I mean, it is just a worse.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

Well, let's talk about that because this is I don't know if this is on your list, Crystal, but like I have heard this as a really big reason why couples get frustrated and just give up on this lifestyle is because they can't find any suitable bulls. Like, this is just it's just not happening. And they all say I thought it would be easier than this, because like it does make sense that it would be easier, but it really fucking is not.

SPEAKER_01 17:29

Yeah, well, we're in that category. I mean, every other week I'm I'm you know, I'm telling Bitchard that I'm out, uh, because frankly, the the hunt is just too much. It's exhausting, it's unfulfilling. You know, not long ago I ended up meeting one guy who was absolutely delightful. We had video chats over about you know two or three weeks' time and and talked anywhere from an hour to 90 minutes each time. I mean, we just really it was all right there. Fantastic connection. So he decided to fly up here and we ended up spending the weekend together. It was fantastic. Now, as it turns out, he's a hella busy professional, has no time to do commuter, commuter things. So we're you know, we're just friends, and uh you know, I think my my long held dream of having a regular like him is is probably not gonna happen, but I'm just encouraged that this idea of a man that can connect, smart as hell, handsome, he's like 63, he's just he's just absolutely a golden human. And he's somebody that I'd be friends with regardless if we never slept with each other. And it it was encouraging to me to find somebody like that, because really I've gone for several years without feeling uh a connection like that. So it's possible, you know, and then you find one, they live in a city down in California and are busy all the time. So there you go. There you go.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Or across the country, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:18

Yeah, across the country. So, you know, I think that takes the place of you know, it's it doesn't really do much for the cuck because you know you're not involved anywhere in there, and it's just that part is sad. We'd be we'd get together more often if it was possible, I'm sure, but we don't. And so so that is a huge reason that couples leave the lifestyle. Probably if I ever completely leave the lifestyle, that'd probably be right at the top of the list. Yeah. Because it's it just became it's you know, it sucks all the joy out of it to have to work so hard to find one person that you just absolutely connect with on every level. It's not easy.

SPEAKER_02 20:03

Yeah. And maybe they've just been flaked or ghosted or catfished or way too many fucking times, and they're just like, okay, like this is not this is not worth it. Or, you know, she the the wife is just like, you know, not able to find this specific type of guy, this this specific type of dynamic that she's looking for, and she's just like, fuck this. That's just exactly what you just said. It becomes a job, it becomes a chore. It's no longer fun. And it's it's just like an abusive relationship. Like you just like, why the fuck am I doing this?

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Well, and it's you know, it it's it's one of those things in life that you have to you you weigh out, it's like the Ben Franklin thing, you gotta weigh out the benefits versus the costs of it. The cost, the mental energy, the time involved, the the flakes and the fakes, and the all the stuff you have to wade through that maybe you'll find one person that connects is it is for most people, it's too much work. Yeah, and uh it's not fulfilling enough. There's not enough benefit at the end of the day um to continue on. I mean, that's that's pretty much where I've been for a while. But like I said, my new my new friend gives me hope, and I'm just glad that he's my friend.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

You know, yeah, we'll probably not be anything more than that because of his obligations, but yeah, I know so many amazing guys in this lifestyle, lots of great bulls, and they're all like in a different country and like way far away. And I'm just like, can one of you guys yeah, fucking can you one of you guys just fucking move next door to me?

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Like I know, right?

SPEAKER_02 21:44

I literally live in this fucking city that has zero black men, and I know I've been looking, there's none, there's zero.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

That's it makes it really, really hard. And so, you know, what do you do?

SPEAKER_00 21:57

You take a free road trip.

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Yeah, you you travel to go see them, but I mean that that can and that's okay, but like that's it's not a regular, it's not the regular thing that you want, right?

Travel Events And Finding Community

SPEAKER_01 22:10

Right. Well, it is because it's not sustainable. I mean, we've done that before. We've flown guys that I've found somewhere else, you know, but that was when Rich was still, you know, before he retired, and we had a much bigger budget to bull fly. But we we don't have we don't have that now. And not only that, but it's not sustainable. I mean, okay, so you have a good weekend with someone, you know, but it costs you five, six, seven, eight hundred dollars to spend a weekend with them, that's not sustainable. And um so that isn't the answer. It's fine if you can do it or even do it on a limited basis, but it's not the answer, you know. It's and we're not likely to leave this area, so it it just is what it is. You know, I'll tell you, I I splash isn't even a uh isn't a win for me. I've been to Splash twice, and I loved my experience there, but it wasn't the bulls, it was the other couples that we met, and I got to meet Venus in person, and it was the the human beings that were there that would just, you know, it. Changed my entire perspective on who are these other couples and just such a quality group of people. But you know, when you get down to the fact that I go to Splash Mocha and I find one person I want to be with, that's an expensive piece of butt right there. And so I you know that's not sustainable either. So, you know, I got all kinds of all kinds of things here, but but yeah, those are all the difficulty factors. You know, for the couples that live in Atlanta, that live in LA, you know, uh they've got a plethora of choices. And so, you know, I get it why I I'm sure I would be a lot more, you know, active if that were the case too. But you know, I think that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 24:10

Well, yeah, if there was a if there was an IR party every weekend and you knew all the people who were going all the time, that would be that would be great. It would. Isn't anything like that?

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Where any because it's it's those com the community is really what makes it come. I mean, the very uh I was at the splash where the very, very first cuptail party was. And um and we've met we met people there that we're friends with to this day. It was just such a glorious experience. And um to be really in a group of your peers where you can be open and honest and we'll talk about real life things. And yeah, I wish there was a way, you know, some kind of a and I think you're on to some good ideas with maybe the parties that you're gonna do with Sean in Vegas, you know, that's a pretty, you know, for West Coast people, that's a location that most people can get to without a lot of well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

It's easy to fly into Vegas from anywhere, direct flight, right? And I yeah, I think I've had so much interest already. I've had my DMs are blowing up that people are asking, how do I get on this list? How do I get on your invite list? And and guys too. Yeah. So, you know, that's a place where you can meet vetted quality, experienced black men who are there to spend time with people, right? Yeah, not get it and quit it.

Vetting Bad Actors And No Drama

SPEAKER_01 25:41

And for me, for me, it isn't even them. I mean, I'm happy to meet and make new friends with quality bulls, absolutely happy to, but it's the other, the couples, you know, that I have found the most joy in, just at be in a group of my peers, you know, people that understand the cuck dynamic, people that, you know, we can talk openly and honestly about all the cuck challenges, and including how difficult it is to find the right people to to be with. But it's it's been a really it's been a very, very interesting time.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

What are some of the other what are some of the other things that people have that you've come across along the way?

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Okay, I touched on this uh a little bit before, but um it was called out of like the lack of vetting and the community accountability. Bad actors face almost no consequences because communities won't ban them, or you know, they're afraid it's gonna damage somebody's reputation. And then when a woman speaks up about a bad experience, we're questions, disbelieved, or told that we misread the situation, they make excuses for these bad actors. And then this it seems like for many women, they they saw it as the lifestyle's obsession with no drama has sort of become the code language for silencing women's legitimate concerns. Like, ah, don't create drama, you know, you're being a drama queen and just go have fun. And and they sort of write it off and push it off. And that's alienating for a lot of women, uh, that they don't, you know, they're they're on their own to vet, and you know, and if they come up with something that's bad, I think what really works, what I've seen work, is that it's these networks of women. Uh, because we talk to each other, and here's something that I think all bulls need to hear. Women in a group of women will discuss things that they never gonna talk to you about. Yes. We know and we talk to each other. We talk to each other openly, honestly, authentically, and we don't talk about it in a mixed company, and we sure don't talk to bulls about it. So there's a breakdown in that whole thing. But um, women share information when we find a bad actor out there. I think many of us feel a responsibility to tell the groups that we're in and share that. I mean, one bad experience for one person doesn't mean that they're all evil people or anything like that, but we talk, we talk, and you bullsh need to be aware of that because you may not be being held accountable in uh your group situations, but I'm telling you, women are betting you and they're they're holding you accountable amongst themselves. And so um, and I I think that's good because it's really the only it's the only thing we have to try and protect ourselves in group situations uh when there are bad actors present. So I'm glad that women talk.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

I'd like to circle back to what you said about um when women, when we're told that we're silenced and we feel that we don't have our voice, we're not heard. We all of us have spent so much time telling women how empowering the lifestyle is and how your confidence will grow and your self-esteem will grow. So for women to think, like to feel like, okay, good, I'm gonna do this. I'm coming into the lifestyle, and her confidence begins to soar, and then something like that happens, something negative happens, and she's like shh, shh, told to just, oh, shh, shush, don't, don't, don't break it up. Now you are making her small again. Right. You know, and we're trying to build women up. So every time we silence a woman and every time we tell her to shush and don't make drama and don't cause a scene, you're making her small again.

Emotional Labor And Quiet Burnout

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Yeah, where's the freedom in that? You know, where's the freedom in that? That's a really good point. And here's the other um, the other part that there's an emotional labor imbalance. Women tend to carry the emotions involved in these interactions much more so than the men do. When things go wrong, women are often blamed. You should have communicated better, and bad behavior becomes our responsibility somehow. And exhaustion is quiet. This is what happens. I think with all of this, the emotional labor imbalance adds to this too. When exhaustion is quiet, we don't announce that we're leaving, or we don't, you know, announce that you know it's just turned us off the whole lifestyle. We just stop saying yes and we just bounce. And um and I think that's the unfortunate part of women being silenced on any of these things because you're exactly right, it's very disempowering. And then this the cost-benefit analysis of this thing doesn't add up real quick. And so I wish that's why I I love to take on these topics that nobody else wants to take on, because we need to talk about this stuff, we need to hear it, we need to actually take some of these ideas to heart and and say, Am I making this situation better? Am I making it worse? You know, uh my hope is that's what happens.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

I've got a reason why women might leave the lifestyle. Other mean women, you know, when you go to events and stuff, they can be very clicky. And feeling discluded and excluded over and over again by other women would be a reason I would feel again, made to feel small and insignificant and that I shouldn't be there. And I think it's it's the job of women to hold each other up and to when you see a a woman at an event and she looks timid and she looks scared, and you can tell she's new, go over and talk to her. Don't be like, oh my god, they're new. Uh-huh. Well, they'll figure it out. No, they won't. They need help, you know. So being a mean girl isn't making you look cool and isn't making the guys think you're hotter. You're just alienating yourself and creating uh just a such a negative atmosphere for other women.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

And so keep in keep in mind, you mean girls out there, the rest of us women do talk. We're gonna point out you two. So you just gotta know there's a network of information that goes around, and uh you get on a list, and it won't be good for your long-term stability in this lifestyle.

Mean Girls And Social Exclusion

Stalkers Outing And Going Dark

SPEAKER_02 32:40

Uh one of the things that I've noticed over the last decade plus years of being in this lifestyle is uh it's really interesting. I've I've really been able to kind of just like, you know, from a few steps back, watch what goes on. And and one of the things that I've I've seen is that I've seen several couples get into the lifestyle very quickly, dive in head first. And I mean, like, dive in. I mean, they they're all for it, they are doing all the things. They're you know, they start a blog, they start an OnlyFans, they they're doing all the things, they got all these projects on the go, they're doing all the things. And then maybe six months later, poof, they're gone. Like they just disappear. You never hear from them again, you never see them, you don't know what happened, you're just like gone. I've seen this happen more than a few times enough to know that, like, okay, I don't know exactly what the reason is, but something's going on there. I suspect that it is a huge burden um to put on your relationship to go through and do all of that those things. And it seems fun at the time, but it's actually taking a toll on your relationship, and they need to exit like quickly. I have also seen where it's happened uh where couples make that very critical decision of putting their face out there, and it doesn't go well. They pick it, they inherit a stalker or somebody outs them in their personal life, and it turns into something really, really bad. I've seen that with couples as well. And uh, and then they're just poof gone, like you never see them again. And I can relate, I've had my fair share of stalkers, if there is such a thing as a fair share of stalkers over the years that have creeped me the fuck out and made me never, ever, ever want to step foot in this lifestyle ever again. And it was the scariest shit that I had to deal with. Blondie, I know that you've been through something similar where you had a scary situation as well. So I this can definitely be a reason why pe couples and women be like, fuck no, I'm out.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Oh yeah. I was almost like I was ready to delete everything, change my name, change everything because I'm blonde on the bay everywhere. So I'm easy to find, right? And I've made sure that my personal private life was so locked down and separate. I thought I had done a great job. But now, I mean, things have settled down. I'm not getting the emails anymore. Now I'm probably gonna get one, but whatever.

Relationship Skills And Communication Work

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Well, I uh if you've been in the lifestyle for any amount of time at all, you have had these situations, and this adds to it. So I think the conclusion that I see with all of that is there's a gap between what the lifestyle promises liberation, connection, exploration, adventure. That's the promise of the lifestyle. And then the reality of it, which is you know, can be objectification, risk, emotional work. And it's that gap that people are constantly weighing, you know, uh, is it is this worth it or not? Is there enough benefit in this or not? And that process is demoralizing because what you thought you were embarking on here ends up in many cases not to be, or you can have a really good patch and then you have a really bad experience and it colors the rest of your experience. I mean, that's just kind of how it works.

SPEAKER_00 36:48

So but I think a lot of people also don't understand how much emotional work it is, not just when you're you're trying to find a bull or be in the lifestyle, but in your own relationship. You and your partner have to be have pretty amazing communication. And I know that my husband and I did not when we entered the lifestyle. The first three years was just like nothing but fighting sort of thing. So it took us a lot, it took us like a few years to get there. And there were a lot of times that when he was like, Well, this is this isn't worth it. Forget it. We're not gonna do this anymore. And I said, Well, you can't make that decision unilaterally without me. Because I'm not I'm not thinking the same way. I want you you introduced me to this. I'm I'm here. This is me. I found it. And so it was work we worked through so much. Now we're great, and we're both on board, but it was still like it's it's a lot of work, and that's what a lot of people don't understand. They jump into the lifestyle for the adventure and how sexy it is and how fun it is. But there's a flip side, that's really a lot of work.

Falling In Love And Poly Mindset

SPEAKER_01 37:58

And it's I didn't really sign up for work, I signed up for fun, and and you're you you gave a great example there too, Blondie, because that is really common for a lot of people that the emotional interruption possibly with your cuck and thing uh feelings that you didn't count on, and you have to integrate those, and depending on the strength of your overall relationship, you can either get through those and become a lot better, or you know, I think that's another reason that people would leave because they're afraid it's gonna disrupt their primary relationship. And I think that's valid. That's valid for a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

One of the things that I don't know how often this happens, I wish I knew, but um I don't know any like friends in the lifestyle who this has happened to, but this is obviously, you know, a woman ultimately walking out the door on the lifestyle in that she falls in love with a bull and leaves her husband. Um and I've heard of it happening, like I don't know anyone that it happened to personally, but like of course this happens. Um, I've you know, there's corners of the internet where you get a guy who will pop up and say, Yeah, my wife left me. And and that's but that's literally like all I ever hear about. I never get any guy who wants to come on the show and talk about it. Like, never. And I understand it's it hurts. You don't want to talk about it, I get it. But like it would be nice to to hear about that that aspect if it does happen.

SPEAKER_01 39:40

But um, I have that is another reason why women would would walk out is you know but what that situation right there also can lead to, and this is kind of what happened with us because the hunt was so difficult and so unfulfilling. We decided that we really were much more poly flavored, that he is not threatened if I have an emotional attachment to a particular bull because we're solid with us. I'm not leaving him, there's there's no one to leave him for. But that also opens the door that, yeah, I'll have real feelings. This guy I was just explaining about a little while ago, I have real feelings for him. I lament the fact that he'll never be able to fulfill those things fully, but but I can't deny that there's real feelings there. And um what we came to ultimately with that discussion is love doesn't have to be a zero-sum game. If I find a way to add more love into my life, Bitchard benefits from that too. We see it more as love multiplied, not as love divided. And the only analogy that I draw to that is if you have three kids, you might have one that's slightly favorite, but you love all your three kids. You know, you don't throw the rest of them out because you have you know, because you have a favorite one or something like that. But we've talked about this a hundred hours, and I wanted to be crystal clear because I do want the connection, I don't want anything but connection, and it's it's very difficult to find. If I find it, I want to pursue it to the length that I can. And he gets that, he gets that, he wants that for me, and um and I think that you only can come to that conclude, and this is my perception of it, because it's I have the only life I can examine if you're very, very solid in the marriage to begin with. Like, I don't have a better place to go. You know, I'm not looking for a replacement for him, I'm looking to add something to it. Uh, and I just happen to need really deep intellectual connection and emotional connection and physical connection that comes with attachment. And he understands that I appreciate him, and I'll tell you the fact that he came to that same conclusion that that's a good thing and not a dividing thing is one of the things that makes me most loyal to him, which it's counterintuitive, but it's absolutely true. I mean, where else am I gonna go to be with a good cuck that lets me be fully in whatever situation I want to get involved in?

SPEAKER_02 42:42

I need a bit shared.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

Everybody does.

SPEAKER_02 42:47

Everybody needs a bitch.

unknown 42:48

Damn it.

Single Women Dating Cucks Struggles

SPEAKER_01 42:49

I I know, but you know, I I I just can't tell you how much I appreciate him and revere him and respect him because he genuinely lets me be all the way me. I'm not a candidate for transactional fuckboys. I'm just not a candidate for him. It it doesn't do anything for me. I've often I've said a thousand times, you know, if I'm gonna be sexually connected to someone, I want a good experience, not just an experience. And for me, that involves real connection. And when real connection is there, real attachment forms. And so I can't separate those things out. That's just my hardware, and I feel so grateful and so lucky that I have a man who sees that in me and is not threatened by it, and encourages me all the way to follow those trails wherever they may lead. And we're not getting divorced, and that's just all I know. So that's that's probably on the lunatic fringe of cut couples. And if he didn't feel that way, then we probably would be out of the lifestyle already, because like I said, it's so hard to find somebody who's willing to connect, and somebody who also wants that and who can show up and be fully authentic. That's that's so very rare. My cost-benefit analysis is is really poor. So much more work to the lifestyle. But you know, you meet one person like this, this one man, and it he restores my faith in the lifestyle, he restores my faith in what kind of guys they do exist out there, you know. What's his position? You know, he's getting involved with a married woman. I mean, like I said, we're not gonna be able to do anything about this, but but you know, he's he's he's game. He's game to play whatever part he can.

Porn Myths And Real Standards

SPEAKER_02 44:52

And uh last but not least, I do have one more thing to add. Oh, good. One more thing to add. Um, is that I know we've talked about like married women and leaving the lifestyle, couples leaving the lifestyle, stuff like that. But I just want to add uh, because it's important to note that the there are single single women who are are enjoying this lifestyle as a single cuckold dress, like myself, who are looking Looking for a partner or dating, looking for a cuck partner to have this kind of relationship that both of you lovely ladies already have. And there are definitely reasons why those of us who are single ladies would want to give the fuck up and never return to this lifestyle. And I know that we've had there have been discussions about this in our our women's group on this subject. And I I feel like I'm like an expert on this subject, unfortunately. Never thought I'd be here, but anyway, uh 11 years later. Anyway, um Canada. It's just Canada. I just want to add I just want to add that like as a single woman, there the the biggest thing for me to want to duck out and call it quits in this lifestyle over the last decade has been how unpleasant dating is. Um, and there are dating in general, as everybody who's listening probably knows, like dating in general sucks ass and not in a nice way, but um is very unpleasant. And uh, but dating cucks specifically has a whole host of extra challenges layered on top. Um that is the whole reason why I made my matchmaking service because I wanted to address that. Uh, but yeah, it's it's not just myself, it's a lot of these other single ladies who are looking for a cuck that will echo the exact same concerns over why this is so incredibly frustrating. And they too have felt like giving up. Like I've always said that if you're a single woman and you're trying to date cucks, like you have to be really fucking dedicated to finding this, like, and take a lot of breaks along the way because like it is unpleasant. You ladies, I've always said this, and I will continue to always say this cuckolding is a privilege for couples. It really fucking is. You already have this relationship to that you've built that together that you've been with together, and that is like you can always draw on that. You've decided to go down this road together, and you're just, you know, you're building on that relationship. Whereas, like, it is a fucking struggle if you're trying to look for this from the get-go. That's why it's really important to build a relationship first before adding in the cuck holding. But that's always the mistake that we make because it's so fun and sexy, and everything like that, is to like dive in in the beginning and it's just that's it's a trap. Don't do it.

Resources Support Tiers And Closing

SPEAKER_01 48:02

Yeah, that's that is a huge mistake right there that you just identified because I think people find out about cuckolding because it's in porn, it's a it's one of the biggest porn categories out there, and all these things are misrepresented in porn. Totally misrepresented. Don't even get me started. Yeah, no, it's totally misrepresented, but too many guys will watch that and they go, God, yeah, that's hot. I want to do that. And you know, and so they approach women with just like the guy you shared earlier, the Venus, the the assumptions that they make and the the shallowness and the you don't have a clue what's involved in this. But to think that you're gonna be successful at that dynamic, if you don't have absolutely, I mean, ironclad relationship skills to begin with, you're not gonna make it. Uh, and so it is not a solution for a relationship that's struggling. You've got to bring all your tools to the table and then add a whole bunch more, and then you have a chance, you know, you have a chance at building something that's really exalted. A true cut male that has developed himself to that extent. I've said this many, many, many times. He's a higher life form, he's just a higher caliber of man. His ego is intact and under control. He he's sure of himself, he's not threatened by other men, he likes what he likes and is totally cool with a woman being free and open to find what fulfills her the most. I mean, how would you not celebrate a man like that? Unfortunately, there's a lot of men that would like to take that crown and put it on their own heads, and they haven't done the work. Yeah, they don't know what's involved, and they're not everything. Yeah, it's all the porn stuff. And that's not it. That's not it. This has been a really good talk. I appreciate you guys so much. Um I think it's something that really needed to be talked about, and I hope that it encourages more conversations and more connecting with other women, with other couples, with bulls. I hope that some of them pay attention to some of this stuff because you're either adding to the lifestyle some kind of a way or you're part of the problem. I mean, that's kind of how it comes down.

SPEAKER_02 50:37

Yeah, I I agree totally. I have enjoyed this this conversation so much. Blondie, Crystal, I always love talking with you guys, and but this one, this topic has been really, really important and great for us to explore. So I really appreciate you both coming on the show and hashing this one out. I hope, I think, that a lot of people are gonna find this one very interesting. So thanks so much for joining me. That's gonna be it for today's episode. Thank you so much for joining me. Make sure you go to VenusCuckledris.com. That's where you can book a private chat with me. And you can also join the Queen's Quarters community and get all the amazing benefits like the private podcast and the helpful cuck tier, where you can get key holding, the private Snapchat group, monthly private chats with me, and weekly live hangouts and invites to special live events. Oh, and you can also submit a question or confession for the show. Just go to VenusCuckledjust.com and click on the link that says the podcast. Make sure you follow me on Blue Sky Social. Yes, I said Blue Sky Social. Fuck Twitter. All right, that's it for today's show. You guys will see you next time.