Episode #286 - Resolutions

Resolutions can be tough to tackle when you suffer with mental health problems.  But there exist ways that it can be done successfully.  Most of all, it is important to remember that placing undo stress upon oneself is never a good method of managing our illness.

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Welcome to Episode #285 – Resolutions.  I am your host Damon Socha.  First of all, Happy New Year.  And I truly hope that it will be happy and a new year for you.  I again apologize for my illness that has keep me away from this podcast. I feel the importance of it but sometimes our bodies and minds just are not in the right place.

Today I want to talk about resolutions but not in the way you are used to hearing it.  We often talk about firm commitments, goal setting, pushing beyond our limitations.  And all of that is good if it works for you.  However, my experience tells me that this approach with mental illness often leads to disastrous consequences.  We often fall short and fail, at least in the sense of the world and in our own sense as well.  We chastise ourselves for not sticking to the plan which seemed easy when we wrote it down.  And we place undue pressures and stress on our illness, and this causes all kinds of chaos.  So today we are going to look at setting of goals and reaching for the stars with a gospel twist of sorts.  

Let’s start with King Benjamin and perhaps one of my favorite scriptures.  King Benjamin was a powerful leader that understood much about the gospel.  That is why his sermon is so enduring.  After the King has enumerated all those things we should be doing in this life, he pauses just for a moment in his sermon to state something incredibly important to those of us who suffer.  He states the following in chapter 4 verse 27.

“And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.  And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.”

Now there are a couple of things to point out when discussing this scripture.  First is that we should be wise in what we are doing.  We should consider our goals in light of our illness. Many of those goals should be tailored to our illness.  Second, we should consider this a race not a sprint and we must consider fatigue, the stress we put on our illness and I believe some secondary and tertiary goals.  Meaning that we should consider not only goals for when our illness is doing better but goals for when our illness is not doing so well.

Now when I say that our goals should be tailored to our illness this means that we are going to need several types of goals.  Some of these goals must be management goals for our illness.  Others of these goals should be spiritual in nature and still others can be more worldly in nature such as career goals.  This also means that every goal will have several tiers of success depending upon how we are doing with our mental health.  For instance, let’s start with an easy one.  Reading the scriptures.  

Now one might not think that reading the scriptures would cause stress to our system.  But when things get very run down trying to read a chapter or several as you desire may not be functional or very spiritual.  The goal can become more important that the learning and when this happens our body comes under unnecessary stress.  So when I make my goals of reading the scriptures, I give myself some leeway for when the days get tough.  Instead of a chapter and maybe some writing, I let myself read only a few scriptures or I listen to spiritual music.  For me that completes the goal.  Is it the same as reading those chapters.  Probably not but I wouldn’t have gotten anything out of those chapters anyway and it would contribute to my mental health difficulties.  So each of my goals is tiered so that I can be successful everyday.

Second it is important that we are content with what we have and that includes our illness.  Alma when he was preaching the gospel wanted so badly for his listeners to hear, believe and live the gospel that he forgot something important.  This is what he said in Alma chapter 29 verse 1 and 3.

“O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and to cry repentance unto every people.”

“But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted unto me.”

Now in this case Alma want to do more good in his life.  He wanted to set high goals so that he could reach more people.  But he noted that he sinned in his wish or erred. The Lord had allotted him his life and his abilities to preach and he needed to be content with what he had been given.  So often we who suffer want to do things well beyond our capacity.  And we do this for many reasons but it is important to be content with everything the Lord has granted unto us.  This doesn’t mean that we don’t work to increase our spiritual and temporal gifts.  It means that daily we should be content with what the Lord allows us to do rather than plead consistently for more.  Yes there exists a balance as to asking for more and being content with what we have and each of us must find that balance.  I believe that is really what Alma was trying to tell us.  

But it is important to understand that the Lord gave you your illness or let it come to pass.  Either way he approved the training.  This doesn’t mean we can’t ask for it to be removed but when it isn’t we are content with what the Lord has given us.  We work with what we have for that day, week or year.  Now I have often heard it said that when we explain to the Lord out goals and plans, he chuckles a little and then gives us his plan for our lives.  Sometimes they match but most often the Lord’s plan has nothing to do with what we see that we need in our lives. Contentment with what the Lord is trying to accomplish in our lives is key to our happiness.  Here exists the key to our happiness when we suffer through our illness.  We can at the very minimum be content with what the Lord has and has not provided in our lives, knowing that he knows best what we need in our lives.  If healing is best for us, then it will come to us.  If a more difficult illness is required then that will also come.  As long as we are continuing as best we can in the covenant path, then we should be content knowing that the Lord has provided.

Now that is a difficult doctrine in our lives.  Suffering does not appear to bring much happiness, hope or help in our lives but it does bring something important and that is sanctification.  What is sanctification?  It is the purifying of the soul.  There exists two parts to the atonement when it comes to exaltation.  The first is justification and the second is sanctification.  When we sin we have broken a law but it has two consequences.  The first is a suffering for our sin.  Suffering the punishment for the sin.  The second in a cleansing process that is separate from the punishment.  For instance let’s say a person has gone to jail for theft.  They can serve the time which is the punishment but they may not have changed in nature.  They might just go and thieve again.  Sanctification is the purification of the heart so that the desire to sin is erased. So as we sin and repent the Savior pays some of the price for our sin allowing us to feel some remorse and make changes.  But we need to be sanctified and for some reason suffering when we don’t deserve it causes us to be sanctified.  Perhaps it is because we seek out the Lord and because we are not deserving of the suffering the Lord can allow for our hearts to be changed. 

So contentment is critical to our sanctification and our justification.  And it is critical to understand when we set out to set goals in our lives.  We must allow the Lord his time in our lives so that we become as he is rather then end up somewhere else.  And this is also a difficult doctrine because the Lord’s path is similar to the one he trod and is fraught full of difficulties, disappointments, disasters and disorientations.  We will be redirected consistently in our lives and this means that our goals need to be flexible, reachable and directed by the Lord.

So in the spirit of making goals.  Here are a few of my personal rules.

1)    Be patient.  We all too often want to finish the race rather than enjoy the journey.  Enjoying the journey takes patience and endurance.  Patience is a key component to Godliness. And we need to be patient with the Lord and ourselves.

2)    Keep the goals simply and flexible.  Everyday is going to be different for someone who suffers with mental illness.  So keeping our goals flexible and tiered will help us keep focus on the Savior and his path for us.

3)    Keep in mind this is not your path but the Savior’s path.  Let go of the pride that comes with goal setting and resolutions.  Find the path the Savior desires that you travel.

4)    Find time to rest.  Resting can feel like sin and that you are not doing enough in your life or in the lives of others.  We need rest and mental illness tends to need far more rest than other illnesses.  Just find a good balance here and don’t think of rest as laziness.

5)    Don’t push yourself too hard.  Winning the race requires consistent effort but we tend to push far too hard with that effort and get ourselves into mental health trouble.  Seek to be consistent and to tailor your day to the needs of your body and the illness. The sprint and rest type of race tends to cause issues with distractions, overreactions and loss of interest in the race.  Consistency keeps us on course.

6)    Prioritize what you want and need to do.  You can’t do everything so prioritizing those things that are most important will give you a much better outcome.

7)    Find time for the Savior frequently.  This means more than your daily prayers or scripture reading.  Always stay open to revelation and to what the Lord may want in your life.

8)    Don’t try to make up for lost time.  It can’t be done.  What’s done is done.  Leave all of the past behind you both the good and the bad and treat each day with newness.

9)    Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t compare yourself to anything else but what the Lord specifies.

10)  If life gets a little difficult then you are probably headed in the right direction.  Lucifer is consistent in his behaviors and we should expect some head winds.

Overall when we make goals. We should consider three things, our illness, the Lord and our desires for good.  In addition we need to mix in a little patience and some tiered goals.  The reality is that we should never feel terribly guilty at missing our goals.  We want greater spirituality not greater depression or anxiety.  And that requires that we quickly turn things around when we might miss a target.  Taking it into account as practice and quickly move on.  The past should never cause our future to be repeated.  We need to learn to quickly move on from perceived failures and disappointments.  And simply take each day for what it gives us.  May the Lord bless you in this new year.  Until next week, do your part so that the Lord can do his.