Episode #290 - Long Roads and Difficult Sacrifices

Sometimes we simply do not know how long the road will be or how difficult the sacrifices that will be required.  But what we do know is that he will always be with us.

Transcript

Episode #290 – Long Roads & Difficult Sacrifices

I have come to the end of another long road, only to realize that another road exists that is longer and more arduous.  Those of you who follow me weekly have probably noticed that I have not authored a podcast in some time.  It is not for lack of desire at least in the sense of desiring to write and to help others on their journey.  Sometimes the road gets so rough that you have to make choices and priorities.  I have lost yet another job due to my illness and I am currently in Baton Rouge Louisiana hoping beyond hope that somewhere, somehow I might find a cure.  And yet as the apostles have noted sometimes things get harder before the miracles come.  But what if that miracle never comes.  What if the road you are on is a road that will be your life for far longer than you expected.  When I came down with Covid after having moved to Baltimore Maryland I would never have expected the journey that lay before me.  I would lose more jobs in 5 years that I had previously to that moment in my entire career.  I would spend more time in bed simply trying to overcome my difficulties than I could ever have expected.  I have been sick enough to see glimpses of the other side.  I have asked why so many times in my life now, I wonder if I have ever asked anything else of the Father.  

Daily I ask for relief that comes in small batches but never really enough to give me full confidence that I will be able to continue the next day, the next week or the next year.  It seems that life’s boulders that come loose from their mooring seem to land on my road regularly and I must spend weeks and days even months and years working to remove one boulder from my path.  The constant hammering at restrictive boulders and even the desire to get up and to do the same thing over and over again with barely the energy to run the day has become all too routine in my life.  I haven’t seen a future yet as the boulders block even the beautiful road ahead.  I often feel lost, overburdened wondering why when I am doing everything that I can to keep my covenants I am fainting when I walk, and certainly running a weary race.

I think that is the question everyone eventually askes themselves as they go through this life.  If the message of the Book of Mormon is prosperity when we keep our covenants.  Then why am I seemingly left out of those blessings.  What am I doing so wrong that my punishment is so severe.  I certainly don’t deserve the life I have and yet even with the promise of the Book of Mormon, here I stand or better said. Here is lay in my bed.

So why then do we suffer so much and why does the Lord require the sacrifice of all things when we are promised prosperity.  Could we have this prosperity thing all wrong.  My life would be a testament to it at least in some sense.  I do still have a good job although it is a traveling job and I a deprived of my family on a regular basis.  And yet within that job is good pay and time to rest.  Maybe the trial is a blessing.  I mean I don’t believe that I have been more connected with the Lord over the last several years than I have with this illness.  It is almost as if the Lord uses trials and sacrifice to drive us to him.  And he doesn’t reprimand us for not understanding but mercifully gathers us and says all will be well in time.  Just trust me.

And then comes the scripture that almost haunts me day and night. “Trust in the Lord with all thing heart; and lean not to thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path.”  It is not that I don’t trust the Lord.  I have great trust in him.  Certainly not perfect trust but far more than most people.  I have come to rely upon him daily for help and that trust has developed slowly and firmly.  And yet I can barely put forth a weekly podcast.  I can barely take care of myself and I wonder if I will need to retire far earlier than expected.

I can’t see myself as a leader or really leading anyone in this state of temporal existence.  I can barely function as a father, husband and friend much less take on anything significant.   And yet I know if the Lord asked I would be given just enough to be able to fulfill the calling.

So as you can see I battle the why everyday and every night and every so often the Lord comes to me not in mercy or at least many would not perceive it that way but in straightforward doctrine reminding me that my life is not my own and that I should be grateful for what I obtain in this life.  Rather than stew over what I don’t have and what I cannot accomplish, he reminds me of what I have accomplished under his hand and that murmuring does not suit a saint of God.  If I truly believe that he knows best and I strive to make that a part of my life then my circumstances should not matter.  I can get done what I can and that will be acceptable to him even if it is not very much and it is more about taking care of myself than extending to others.

Now don’t get me wrong in saying that I have spent most of the last five years taking care of myself and that the whole matter has taught me nothing.  I have learned mountains of trust and faith and perhaps that is the purpose.  But it has been a blessing to my family.  They have needed to step in where I could not be and that sacrifice and service has made them better as well.  I have also noticed a curious side effect.  My children have been blessed as I have suffered.  It is almost as if my children are reaping the benefits of my struggles and trials.  We will see how things continue but I think when we are asked to sacrifice deeply by the Lord he protects our families and friends and provides a more abundant spiritual presence.

So what do you do when the road ends and all that can be seen is a tougher, steeper climb.  We don’t worry about the climb and the altitude that we must eventually overcome.  We have to take life a step at a time, a day at a time and even a moment at a time.  Somehow we must find happiness in our setting even when that setting is dark and miserable.  I have found that the Lord can give us those moments of happiness to settle our minds and heart for a time.  Yes that darkness always returns but why worry about what will happen all the time rather than be present in the moment.

If you are doing your best to live the gospel then know that the Lord is with you even in those moments of intense and abiding pain and suffering.  Know that he loves you for what you are trying to accomplish.  Know that he does visit you and care for you.  Know that your relatives are keenly aware of you and your trails and when those trials are rough, like the angel in the garden of Gethsemane they will come to comfort you in your moments of difficulty.  They cannot take the pain and the suffering from you for that would thwart the designs and purposes of God.  But they can give you that comfort needed to push forward.

There are perhaps some of you that may think that your suffering will never end.  That God has determined your demise through the illness you may have.  That life will always be gloomy and difficult to bear.  The truth is that no one really knows the future and they Lord is merciful.  Healing on a temporary basis is always available through the Lord and prayer.  That I can testify to my own experiences.  Yet healing, complete healing is also always on the horizon.  So when the moments get rough and they will know that you have the support you need.  Suffering brings forth sanctification if we allow the Lord to work with our hearts.  And yes when the Lord works with the heart, our inner core of emotions, it is going to be a difficult journey.  Our bodies and minds do not like change and certainly do not like change when it comes to core emotions and desires.  It takes time to root out the incorrect emotions and desires and to replace them with those of a more celestial nature.  And yest this type of experience will naturally be very difficult and take significant time.  Not all changes the Father makes in our lives simply come as a gift, most of then are earned through difficult experiences that solidify and codify the truth into our hearts.

So if you are passing through a difficult moment in time, plead with the Lord for understanding and how to accept the sacrifice he has required.  That is really what it is.  The Lord has asked for a sacrifice and your illness is part of that sacrifice.  We have been asked to sacrifice all things we just don’t expect that things such as autoimmune diseases and mental illness to be part of that sacrifice.  Remember that the person unwilling to sacrifice all things is not worthy of his kingdom.  And that is a difficult saying but if you are in the sacrifice you should rejoice a little that the Lord finds you worthy.

So what do we do while we are in that sacrificial mode.  We cling onto hope that we can sacrifice with real intent and without murmuring, knowing days will come upon us that we feel are too much to bear.  If they have come upon you then I promise they are not too much to bear.  The Lord is always present with us as we work to do his will.  So we endure meaning that we trust the Lord and look not to our own understanding as that will most often lead us astray of the gospel.  And yes during these vulnerable times we can be led astray and so we must be ever vigilant of the other voices in our heads telling us lies and discomforts in an effort to get us off the path we have chosen.

I promise you that he lives and he knows you intimately and whatever you have been through for his sake will be a blessing upon you forever.  He knows what is best for us at the time, even when everything else tells us that what is happening is not best for us.  May the Lord bless you as you sacrifice through suffering to more fully understand the changes he is making in your life.  Until hopefully next week.  Do your part so that the Lord can more fully do his.