Episode #291 - Returning Early and Calling Weakness

What does the Lord say when we return early or cannot continue in our current calling?

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I recently taught the Adult Sunday School class at church.  As it happened the lot fell to me when discussing Lot’s adventure and eventual escape from Sodom.  In his story I had failed to notice a small portion of scripture talking about their escape to the mountains.  Initially Lot didn’t want to go to the mountains.  Whether that was the loss of his wife, his family left in burning Sodom or simply the mountains were an uncomfortable unknown, Lot asked to go to a nearby city rather than to flee to the mountains.  His response is indicative of us all when we are faced with unknowns, we begin to feel some anxiety towards what we don’t know and so we choose what is most comfortable.

This early warning system in our body works its magic when it has no real understanding of the future.  When our future is cloudy and murky and we can’t really see the bottom of the river we feel trepidatious because our brain doesn’t handle unknowns very well.  Our brain likes its history and predictability.  It desires simplicity and consistency in our everyday actions.  It needs and I repeat it needs to understand all the variables in front of it with regard to time.  This is why we tend to take the same way home everyday.  Use the same lanes of traffic.  Stop at the same places and talk to the same people.  Our brain needs the future to be predictable at least the near future.  

Even when a future event is far distant, if we must encounter something that we never have it arouses our senses and the brain begins its revolutions and predictions.  I admit my brain has been trained a little but I still feel it regularly when I need to accomplish something that I haven’t done before.  Even things that I have done regularly still give me anxiety.  I have given hundreds of lessons and talks and yet I still get quite nervous.  There is really no good reason why I am nervous as I have performed the functions of teaching and preaching on a regular basis.  Yet my senses become heightened every time I am asked to do so.

This anxiety that we all feel in different ways for different reasons is important psychologically to us all.  However, heightened arousal of anxieties on a regular basis is not good for the body or the mind.  The mind seeks peace, consistency and patterns it can recognize.  The more we step outside of our comfort zone the more often we activate the anxious feelings within us.  Now for some individuals this problem of anxiety simply does not affect the body in serious ways but for many individuals the opposite is true.

Take for instance a 19 year young person who has just stepped into the realm of missionary service.  They are taken from a set of knowns in their life including friendships, family, school and the rhythms of life and given a whole new set of parameters.  Those might include new customs, cultures, languages, people and places.  Serving a full-time mission is one of the most difficult problems for the body to sort out emotionally.  It is no wonder that missionaries are returning at regular rates.  This is not for lack of support or to say that we simply dump these young people in the mission and tell them to go get em.  They do receive good support and regular mental health awareness checkups.  The problem is not the support.  It is that a mission, somewhat like attending church is a consistent entanglement of social interactions, masking of emotions and outward signs of distress, and social norms that can be difficult to discover and maintain. Simply the mission is a complex weave of consistent unknowns.  That is a difficult environment for anyone even the mature in emotions but for those whose emotions are still evolving.  The shock to the system can simply be too much to bear.  Now I have been asked why doesn’t the Lord intervene.

Sometimes he does, in fact, I would say that all missionaries must pass through the trials of the unknown and the Lord sends help.  I would say that the return rate should be much higher than it is but the Lord does intervene.  The question is not why doesn’t he intervene.  The question that should be asked is why when he does intervene do we still have a significantly high return rate.  Why doesn’t he help everyone to stay within the calling for the time that they have been called?  My answer is simple.  He wouldn’t be God if he did.

We must remember that God is omniscient and that he can see the end from the beginning.  He cares deeply about each of his children and desires the best for them and eternal life.  If that is a true statement then the Lord has chosen what is best for the individual even when returning home earlier than expected.  He knows us and can see the sacred timelines of our lives in full.  If a return from the mission would be detrimental to the salvation of the soul then the Lord would intervene and carry the person through.  I believe that to be my story.  The Lord really carried me during my mission.

Yet others return home or have their assignments adjusted.  While it may not feel like it to the individual you have given your two mites, and that is all that the Lord requires.  Remember the Widow at the temple treasury.  She only had two mites to give while others were giving significant quantities of capital.  The Lord could have easily given the necessary money to make the widow rich.  But he didn’t.  He accepted the sacrifice as though it was great riches.  He even said that she gave more than the others who had been given much.  It is hard to have only two mites of capacity due to an illness or other circumstances of life and to see others with their bounty giving much.  But their sacrifice is no greater than yours and they do no more good than you do.  You see the Lord judges upon capacity not upon who sacrifices the most in their life.  Not who gives the most or who is the best orator in the group.  To leave the mission field earlier than expected should not be the focus.  The focus should be what does Father in Heaven expect of me now.  If he has chosen this path for me, then what should I be doing in the path.  We shouldn’t play the what if game when it comes to what the Lord has chosen.  The past is the past and the future is the future.  We shouldn’t wallow in the mire of pity and misfortune when it is the Lord who has chosen.  We should simply be grateful to serve what is a full mission for us and then return to our lives ready to continue our service to the Lord.

Church is a composite of relationships and not easy, “Hi. How are you?” type of relationships.  We are expected to love our neighbor and to be anxiously engaged in a good cause.  And that cause is often our neighbor.  The problem with our neighbor is that they are an unknown.  Yes they believe similarly and yes they are generally good people and that is certainly helpful.  But to honestly engage oneself in the gospel of Jesus Christ one must engage others on a deeper level of relationship.  It is this engagement that causes us so much distress and this is especially true when discussing mental health concerns.

When we already have anxiety issues in the brain causing us distress, added pressures to do more, be more and become more can overwhelm the system.  The problem is that we don’t recognize it.  For instance when my body is overloaded, I tend to feel sick and sleepy and the portion of my brain that wants to engage other people tends to shut down.  I don’t do this on purpose.  My body does it automatically to reduce the stress in my life.  When you feel sick every time you go to church then you tend to get a little inactive.  Now I have not yet reached the threshold of inactive, well at least the church definition.  My wife might say otherwise.  But I consistently fight to stay at church and to complete my assignments.

Now I have autoimmune diseases that complicate the situation but I still believe that my anxiety and depression cause me to miss church about once a month.  And when I mean church I mean going to all the meetings.  I can attend sacrament very consistently but beyond that I struggle and I have for some time.  With my autoimmune issues and the mental health concerns church is difficult for me.  And it shouldn’t be.

So here is our little activity and engagement problem.  When up to 20% of the church suffers or will suffer with some type of mental health problem.  It is no wonder we see return rates for missionaries and inactivity rates increase with time.  It is also interesting to note that as the world has become increasingly more difficult and unpredictable for the rising generation so has activity waned and returning missionary rates increased.  It is not a matter of simple desire or desire to wander in strange roads.  The problem is real for many young people and the answer is to reduce the unknowns and unpredictability and often the brain sees church as something easy to remove from our lives.

The act of attending church may seem like a simple thing to do.  But in so doing we are subjecting ourselves to increased opportunities to be called upon for prayer, talks, lessons, visits, temple attendance, further meeting attendance and each of those carries with it serious anxiety for many people.  We could do a great deal to help those who suffer but for some reason, perhaps a pioneer self-reliance influence, we don’t give these individuals space to worship as they can.  So often just allowing these individuals to come and be with the saints is all they really can do.  And if that is it, then I believe that they have fulfilled their covenant responsibility.  I know individuals who for various mental health reasons struggle to even attend the temple on a regular basis.  We must allow these individuals to engage with the gospel in their own way and time and avoid burdening them with do more, be more, become more.  I promise that their mental health struggles are teaching them far more than a simple lesson about Lot and anxieties.

When we don’t have the capacity to continue forward in our current path and we have engaged the Lord in the process and he has provided an unexpected pathway, we should rejoice in that the Lord sees our struggles and is willing to provide deep and abiding mercy to our situation.  I have struggled deeply over the last few years as my illness has not allowed me to be as active as I would like to be.  I have lost jobs and struggled to form new relationships.  And struggled is probably not the word that defines the situation.  I have been deeply emotionally humbled by my illness and the Lord’s willingness to work around my issues and keep me as active as possible.  It is strange to state that the prison has been worth the price.  We cannot learn to deeply love, trust and follow the Lord unless our pathway is rocky, uphill and without much of a vista.  When the clouds of darkness surround us and we can’t see but one step ahead, we should be grateful that the Lord loves us enough to try us and to give difficult moments that we might search him out and learn of him.  The Savior learned by the things that he suffered and I don’t believe that we learn any differently.

So I really don’t see my situation as unique.  I believe that when we are ready, the Lord must try our hearts and make those deep, difficult changes that must come for us to be with him.  Our only barrier is willingness.  When we are truly willing for him to lead us along, we will find the most difficult of trials but the greatest of blessings.  The reality of the pathway of the Lord is far more than the temple recommend interview questions or the ten commandments.  It is to follow him in every way possible.  To allow him to transform our lives.  If deep and difficult waters are to come upon us, then let us swim with the Lord’s direction and in the end we will be where he wants us.  Until next week do your part so that the Lord can do his.