In a small patch of untamed wilderness, Riley and Render continue the search for clues that can help point Render towards home. But when all-too-familiar creatures turn up and old foes resurface, the duo will have to think fast to stay ahead.
Featuring the Vocal Talents of:
Jordan Trovillion as Riley Kate
Paul Kerford Wilson as Render
Dave F'n Powell as Professor Bunion
Trey Tatum as Mostly-nonverbal Bikini Bottoms
with Special Guest Shelby Becker as Beckett
and Special Monster-of-the-Week Guest Zach Robinson as Bikini Monster!
Written by Trey Tatum
Directed by Bridget Leak
Have Monster, Will Travel is a production of Queen City Flash out of Cincinnati, OH.
for more information, visit queencityflash.com
----- ----- -----
REMASTER NOTES
The first four episodes of Have Monster, Will Travel was performed before a live audience as a part of Serials! at Know Theatre of Cincinnati. As originally staged, the second half of this episode was performed in a back-and-forth split-scene style between Render and Bikini Monster in the cave, and Riley and Beckett out in the woods. This served the staged version better than the audio drama. In this remaster, those split scenes have been recombined into a smoother story.
This remaster also includes an expanded sound design and tighter pacing.
----------
Loving Have Monster, Will Travel?
Rate and Review: https://bio.site/havemonsterwilltravel
Connect with us on twitter and instagram: @queencityflash
Contact info: queencityflash@gmail.com
----------
From the Creators of Have Monster, Will Travel:
ZOiNKS! - Meet Nolan Blackwell, Teen Sleuth - Girl Detective, and her dog Casper. Nolan has a love of all things Nancy Drew and Encyclopedia Brown. Casper has a penchant for mischief.
But not all mysteries are hardbound and soon Nolan Blackwell will have to uncover clues and stare down dangers that threaten to reveal more about her past than she may be ready to confront.
Fans of Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo will delight in this hilarious, opioid-fueled dive into the world of latch-key children and the haunted, dangerous places that meddling leads.
CW - ZOiNKS! contains mature language and themes of addiction and neglect.
In a small patch of untamed wilderness, Riley and Render continue the search for clues that can help point Render towards home. But when all-too-familiar creatures turn up and old foes resurface, the duo will have to think fast to stay ahead.
Featuring the Vocal Talents of:
Jordan Trovillion as Riley Kate
Paul Kerford Wilson as Render
Dave F'n Powell as Professor Bunion
Trey Tatum as Mostly-nonverbal Bikini Bottoms
with Special Guest Shelby Becker as Beckett
and Special Monster-of-the-Week Guest Zach Robinson as Bikini Monster!
Written by Trey Tatum
Directed by Bridget Leak
Have Monster, Will Travel is a production of Queen City Flash out of Cincinnati, OH.
for more information, visit queencityflash.com
----- ----- -----
REMASTER NOTES
The first four episodes of Have Monster, Will Travel was performed before a live audience as a part of Serials! at Know Theatre of Cincinnati. As originally staged, the second half of this episode was performed in a back-and-forth split-scene style between Render and Bikini Monster in the cave, and Riley and Beckett out in the woods. This served the staged version better than the audio drama. In this remaster, those split scenes have been recombined into a smoother story.
This remaster also includes an expanded sound design and tighter pacing.
----------
Loving Have Monster, Will Travel?
Rate and Review: https://bio.site/havemonsterwilltravel
Connect with us on twitter and instagram: @queencityflash
Contact info: queencityflash@gmail.com
----------
From the Creators of Have Monster, Will Travel:
ZOiNKS! - Meet Nolan Blackwell, Teen Sleuth - Girl Detective, and her dog Casper. Nolan has a love of all things Nancy Drew and Encyclopedia Brown. Casper has a penchant for mischief.
But not all mysteries are hardbound and soon Nolan Blackwell will have to uncover clues and stare down dangers that threaten to reveal more about her past than she may be ready to confront.
Fans of Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo will delight in this hilarious, opioid-fueled dive into the world of latch-key children and the haunted, dangerous places that meddling leads.
CW - ZOiNKS! contains mature language and themes of addiction and neglect.
Have Monster, Will Travel
Episode 3: The Unmentionables
RILEY
What’s up Crypto-Curious. Riley here.
RENDER
And Render.
RILEY
And we are just outside of –
RENDER
oooooo… We said no names.
RILEY
I know we said no names, I wasn’t going to say –
RENDER
Okay – I just wanted to make sure, because it sounded like –
RILEY
I was the one that said we say no names.
RENDER
Well I don’t think it really matters whose idea it was –
RILEY
Rule #1: Never describe what a Render looks like.
RENDER
Right. Rule #2: Never disclose where we are.
RILEY
Correct. Rule #3:
(RENDER isn’t aware there is a rule three…)
No liquids before bedtime.
RENDER
Oh… Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
RILEY
It’s a joke!
RENDER
Tee hee hee.
RILEY
I’m teasing you…
RENDER
Har har har.
RILEY
It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have bought a two liter bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red.
RENDER
[very serious:] It tempted me. Like a lusty, fizzy siren that stains your tongue.
RILEY
Okay. I’m sorry.
(RENDER ignores her.)
Hey, I know what’ll cheer you up. Wanna do the theme song?
RENDER
[firm:] no. I. do. not.
YES I DO!
(RENDER sings the theme song with gusto.)
WAAAH!
(THEME SONG.)
(RILEY. RENDER. A pair of backpacks. The great outdoors.)
RENDER
Oh this is great.
RILEY
Yeah?
RENDER
Yeah – When do we get to set up the tent?
RILEY
When we’re more than six feet away from the van.
RENDER
Obviously. Pro tip: gotta be in the woods to camp.
RILEY
Well come on.
(RENDER starts dancing in place.)
What are you doing?
RENDER
Sometimes. When I get like super excited. I just gotta dance for a second. Camping in the woods: best day ever. Hiking in the woods: best day ever. Staying up late making marshmallows:
(RENDER stops dancing.)
mellows? … mallows? mellows. marshmellows. marshmallows…
(dancing:)
Making ‘smores: best day ever.
RILEY
Okay champ – but we also have an actual job to do.
RENDER
Yep. 100%. Should I catch people up?
RILEY
Can you do it while we’re hiking?
(They start hiking.)
RENDER
There they were! Arms locked in deadly battle, our hero Riley against the Criminally-insane Professor Bunion. Between these two titans was the fate of our mission – the Aghast! Menagerie, jostling back and forth as thunderclaps of punches reverberated against the darkening sky.
Unfortunately, time drew in on us and we barely escaped, thanks in large part to my quick wits and expert driving abilities. We didn’t get the menagerie, but we did end up with an envelope, full of strange artifacts, mysterious writings and clues in need of unraveling.
RILEY
That is exactly how I remember it.
RILEY (cont.)
Oh. Also. The Aghast! Menagerie – that compendium and atlas to all things monstrous, turns out, kinda more of a scrapbook.
Like a “I just bought stickers of binoculars” kinda scrapbook.
And the envelope? It’s all the little collected pieces he hadn’t found time to glue in yet, like a shoebox full of receipts.
RENDER
So, as best we can tell, while we don’t have the menagerie, we do have three complete entries.
RILEY
It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. We don’t need to know where every monster is – just the next monster, one that knows who Render is, or can point us in the right direction.
RENDER
One monster at a time.
RILEY
One monster at a time.
RENDER
Which brings us to our first location:
BOTH
Unspecified somewhere!
RILEY
Okay, I’m glad we practiced that. That was good.
RENDER
That’s right, Crypto-Curious, we’re in the heart of the tangled, ensnaring wilderness that is “Unspecified Somewhere,” on the hunt for…
(Whoa. That’s a long pause…)
[whispering:] I was teeing it up for you.
RILEY
[whispering:] I know. That was a dramatic pause.
RENDER
[whispering:] yeeeeeeessssssss.
RILEY
The Unmentionables. Imagine with me –
A small patch of far flung woods that has been a hotbed of monster sightings for over 50 years. But not only that. These sightings comprise what has to be the widest variety of monsters in any region. The Unmentionables – no two sightings alike:
Big monsters, little monsters, creeping monsters, squirming monsters, glowing monsters, stretchy monsters, monsters the shape of –
What are you doing?
(This whole time RENDER has been making squishy-scratchy sounds with his mouth.)
RENDER
I’m making campfire noises.
RILEY
You sound like a chipmunk.
RENDER
In my defense, I’ve never actually seen either of those.
RILEY
So, that’s the score: two adventurers, the most supernaturally-active place in America, our best lead to discovering who Render is.
RENDER
So… what do we do now?
RILEY
We go where the monsters are. According to Brondon Fennimore’s *terribly* drawn map, about a mile this way, there should be a lake.
RENDER
Are you serious?
RILEY
Monster’s gotta drink?
RENDER
Monster’s gotta swim! Best. Day. EVER.
Hey, wait for me!
(Later: The lake.)
RILEY
Is the water cold?
RENDER
Yeah! It’s freezing!
RILEY
That’s not a good thing.
RENDER
I don’t know – I kinda like it. Are you coming?
RILEY
Yeah, will you hold on.
RENDER
I can’t see you.
RILEY
Oh can you not? I’m changing.
RENDER
It’s just a microphone – it can’t see you.
RILEY
Yeah, I’m hiding from the microphone.
RENDER
What?
RILEY
Nothing.
(RILEY enters in a bathing suit.)
RENDER
Cannonball.
RILEY
No!
RENDER
Cannonball. Cannonball. Cannonball. Cannonball. Cannonball.
RILEY
How deep is it?
RENDER
It’s fine.
RILEY
How yucky is the bottom?
RENDER
It’s fine.
RILEY
Did you bring towels?
RENDER
It’s fine. Cannonball!
RILEY
Okay fine.
Cannonball!
(SPLASH! RILEY comes up for air, gasping.)
Snot otter, that water is freezing!
RENDER
Isn’t this amazing?
RILEY
Yeah – I just got to get my blood flowing.
RENDER
Okay, so, you decide: underwater race, breath-holding contest, splashing contest, or Marco Polo.
RILEY
Ou! Something just swum past me.
RENDER
Oh.
RILEY
You feel that?
RENDER
Huh?
RILEY
Like fish swimming around.
RENDER
Uh-uh.
RILEY
Seriously? I feel like there are all these thingy-things swimming around me. Ow.
Something just nibbled on me.
(RILEY is squirming uncontrollably.)
Render, what is in this water/
RENDER
I don’t feel anything.
RILEY
It’s like crawling with – Ow! – no, I gotta get out of here.
(RILEY climbs out of the water. The biting doesn’t stop.)
I feel like there’s something in my bathing suit.
(Yep.)
Oh God – there’s something in my bathing suit.
(Squirming, yipping, crying, RILEY retreats back behind the tree.)
RENDER
You okay?
RILEY
No!
RENDER
What is it?
RILEY
Turn around.
RENDER
But then I can’t see you.
RILEY
Uh yeah. Ow! Turn around!
(RENDER spins in a circle.)
No – don’t spin, actually turn… face the other way!
RENDER
I wanna see.
RILEY
I’m getting naked!
RENDER
Oh.
(RENDER turns around.)
Is that all? That’s weird. I’m naked all the time.
RILEY
Not. the. same.
RENDER
I mean like, you see me naked all day every day.
RILEY
Okay, this is not about me being modest pal.
(With an elated grunt, RILEY hurls the bathing suit back into the water. Panting:)
That was awful.
RENDER
You okay?
RILEY
I’m like covered in bites.
RENDER
Ew. Well I’m not going to ask to see, but I think it’s very unfair to say you’re covered in bites and then be all secretive about it.
RILEY
Can you just grab my bathing suit, please? I wanna see what’s in there.
RENDER
Uh yeah, hold on – it’s floating over –
(The water erupts as a pair of bikini bottoms rises to the surface, twisted, with bulging eyes and teeth. BIKINI BOTTOMS snarls. RENDER screams.)
RILEY
What is it?
RENDER
Kinda hard to explain.
(Next to RENDER, RILEY’S BIKINI TOP rises to the surface.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Hi.
(RENDER screams. BIKINI MONSTER screams. BIKINI BOTTOMS snarls.)
RILEY
What is happening down there?
RENDER
Umm… Does your bikini usually talk?
RILEY
What?
(BIKINI MONSTER sees RILEY.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh, hello.
(RILEY screams. BIKINI MONSTER screams. RENDER screams. BIKINI BOTTOMS snarls.)
RILEY
Is that my bathing suit?
BIKINI MONSTER
You’re quite naked, aren’t you?
RILEY
Turn around.
(BIKINI MONSTER spins.)
RENDER
She means face this way.
(RENDER and BIKINI MONSTER face away.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Hi.
RENDER
Hi. So what’s your deal?
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh. I don’t know. I’m very confused right now. And a little scared. What’s your deal?
RENDER
Uh… I’m a monster.
BIKINI MONSTER
That sounds nice.
RENDER
It is.
(BIKINI BOTTOMS is gnawing on RENDER’S arm.)
I think your friend is trying to eat me.
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh.
(BIKINI MONSTER peers over and sees BIKINI BOTTOMS.)
I don’t know them.
RENDER
Oh, really? Huh.
RILEY
What is happening down there?
RENDER
Your bikini is alive now. So that’s a new thing. What are you doing?
RILEY
I’m trying to find where you put the towels.
BECKETT
I wouldn’t.
(Unbeknownst to all, BECKETT a young woman has emerged from the woods. RILEY screams. RENDER screams. BIKINI BOTTOMS snarls.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh, are we screaming again?
(BIKINI MONSTER screams.)
BECKETT
I wouldn’t put on any clothes until you’re completely dry.
(RILEY screams in desperation.)
BIKINI MONSTER
We’re supposed to face the other way.
BECKETT
Oh.
(All face away. RENDER and BIKINI MONSTER are staring at the back of BECKETT’S head.)
RENDER
Hi. I’m Render. That’s Riley.
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh. I know who I am now! I’m Riley.
RENDER
Not you.
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh… Nevermind.
RENDER
And this is Bikini Monster. And …
(BIKINI BOTTOMS is still on-nomming away…)
RENDER (cont.)
Largely nonverbal bikini bottoms.
BIKINI MONSTER
Monster? Like you?
RENDER
Yeah.
BIKINI MONSTER
We’re the same?
RENDER
Uh.. not really.
BECKETT
Yes. You’re the same.
RILEY
Will somebody please make sense of all this?
BECKETT
If it gets wet, it comes alive.
RILEY
… Perfect.
RENDER
Who are you?
BECKETT
My name’s Beckett.
RENDER
That’s a cool name.
BECKET
Yeah. My Mom’s favorite movie is Bend It Like Beckham and my Dad is bad at titles.
RENDER
Are you from around here?
BECKETT
Yeah… So what were you before you got wet?
BECKETT (cont.)
Like a carnival-sized stuffed animal or something?
RENDER
No. Just a monster.
BECKETT
No. I mean… just a monster?
(BECKETT turns and stares at RENDER. RENDER stands, emerging more from the water.)
You were alive before you got wet?
(RENDER nods.)
Can I touch you?
(RENDER approaches BECKETT. She reaches out and touches his face.)
You’re real. You’re actually real.
BIKINI MONSTER
Am I real?
BECKETT
No.
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh. Okay.
(BIKINI BOTTOMS swims over to BIKINI MONSTER.)
Hi.
(nom-nom-nom-nom.)
Ow!
(RILEY enters, fully dressed.)
RILEY
Render, get away from her.
RENDER
It’s okay. Look.
RILEY
We don’t know her.
RENDER
Can’t you tell? It’s okay.
(RILEY takes in the lake, the living bikini, BECKETT’S astonishment. It all clicks in.)
RILEY
You’ve never seen a monster before. Because the unmentionables… they’re just things.
There are no clues to find here.
(RENDER turns to face RILEY.)
RENDER
A Dead end?
(RENDER sighs.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Oh. Can we turn around now?
RILEY
… yes.
(BIKINI MONSTER does.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Hi!
RILEY
Oh… that’s where your eyes are?
BECKETT
You might want to get out. Most things don’t stay in that water that long.
When I saw your car pull up, I tried to beat you here. We tell most people it’s private property to scare ‘em away from the lake.
The fewer people that know about this the better.
RENDER
We won’t tell anyone.
RILEY
I can’t believe you saw our van. We pulled pretty far off the shoulder.
BECKETT
Not a van. Little green car.
RENDER
Green car?
RILEY
Like a lime green Kia Soul.
BECKETT
Like chartreuse, but yeah.
RENDER
Professor Bunion. How did he find us?
RILEY
We gotta get you out of here.
RENDER
That means the Aghast! Menagerie is here.
RILEY
We gotta get you out of here.
RENDER
The menagerie!
RILEY
You can’t be here.
RENDER
The menagerie!
BIKINI MONSTER
We are having a very exciting time.
RILEY
How many people do you want to be seen by today?
BECKETT
He could hide. There’s a cave just up there.
RILEY
Can you take me to his car?
BECKETT
Yeah.
RILEY
Okay. Cave first, then car.
RENDER
I should come with you.
RILEY
No.
RENDER
I can help.
RILEY
You hide, we menagerie.
BIKINI MONSTER
Okay. I will also help.
RILEY
Everyone out of the lake!
(Later. RILEY and BECKETT alone.)
RILEY
How much farther?
BECKETT
Not far.
RILEY
God, these woods are just overrun with trash.
BECKETT
It’s all from the lake. People dump stuff in. It finds its way back out.
RILEY
And then what? It just dies here in the woods.
BECKETT
It dries out.
RILEY
So that’s why none of the sightings are identical, just random crap walking thru the woods. And no hard evidence. Just a place where locals dump their trash.
And it’s your job to keep people away?
BECKETT
My family’s been doing it for generations. I hate this place.
RILEY
Seems pretty harmless.
(They stop.)
BECKETT
It’s not.
There’s almost no one that lives close to us. And I was never allowed to bring anyone home from school. Too dangerous Dad would say. So when I was nine or ten, my only friend was this antique dress form from my Grandmother’s attic.
We spent every day together over this one summer. Daytimes, we would hike thru the woods, swim in the lake, picnics, anything you could think of. At night I would go back home and hide her in the lake, get her nice and soggy.
It’s an algae, we think. Comes on every spring, all along the shores of the lake. The items are never alive, t’s the algae, a kind of swarm intelligence. In late summer the water level drops and all that algae dries up and dies.
I kept that dress form in my room all that fall and winter, waiting for spring, waiting for that algae to come back. And when it did, I took that dress form down to the lake.
What came out. It wasn’t her. Didn’t sound like her. Didn’t have any of my memories of that last summer. Didn’t know who I was.
I just kept drying her out and dunking her again. And it was never the same thing that came out. I ruined that dress form trying to bring her back.
She was my best and only friend. And the more I tried to recreate her, the less of her I remembered.
RILEY
What was her name?
BECKETT
Beckham. It was like having a sister and finally getting the name right.
Thank you for asking.
(The Cave. BIKINI MONSTER is snorting uncontrollably.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Ooo. It’s in my nose.
RENDER
Yeah, It does that.
BIKINI MONSTER
I love that. What is it?
RENDER
Mountain Dew Code Red.
(BIKINI MONSTER is poking around inside RENDER’S backpack.)
BIKINI MONSTER
And what’s that?
RENDER
That’s my flashlight.
BIKINI MONSTER
What’s it do?
RENDER
It flashes light.
BIKINI MONSTER
I love that.
(BIKINI BOTTOMS nudges the backpack, gnawing on it.)
RENDER
Don’t eat that please.
(RENDER moves BIKINI BOTTOMS)
BIKINI MONSTER
And what’s that?
RENDER
That’s my bottle opener. It opens bottles.
BIKINI MONSTER
I love that.
And all of this is yours?
RENDER
Yeah.
BIKINI MONSTER
I love that.
(SPLIT: RILEY/BECKETT)
RILEY
Do your parents know how unhappy you are here?
BECKETT
No. I don’t know that it would change anything.
RILEY
Why don’t you leave?
BECKETT
I wouldn’t know where to go, who to call… It just wouldn’t work.
(BACK:)
BIKINI MONSTER
You’re like the coolest monster ever, aren’t you?
RENDER
Yes. I am.
BIKINI MONSTER
I love that. We’re the same, you and me?
RENDER
Yeah. We are.
BIKINI MONSTER
I love that.
Bottle opener.
(The Green Kia Soul.)
BECKETT
There. See it?
RILEY
Yeah. That’s his car. I don’t see him.
(RILEY peeks in, jiggles the handle.)
Help me find a rock.
BECKETT
What?
RILEY
We’re gonna smash his window.
(ERIC McDERMOTT jumps out from the bushes, startling RILEY and BECKETT.)
ERIC
Ah-ha – I’ve got you now!
RILEY
Wait. You don’t have a net or a rope or a weapon.
ERIC
What? No I don’t have a weapon. That’s crazy.
RILEY
Okay…
ERIC
You don’t have a weapon.
RILEY
Yeah but I’m not jumping out the bushes shouting “I’ve got you now.”
ERIC
You have pieces of my book.
RILEY
Uh-huh.
ERIC
You stole them from me.
RILEY
Yeah.
ERIC
I want them back.
RILEY
Okay well no.
BECKETT
This is the guy?
RILEY
I know, right?
ERIC
What does that mean? Hi. Eric. Eric McDermott. Big D, two Ts.
BECKETT
Oh. Like the normal way.
ERIC
Yes. Thank you.
BECKETT
I thought you said his name was Professor Bunion.
ERIC
You call me Professor Bunion?
RILEY
Maybe. It’s a working title.
How did you find us?
ERIC
The invoice from the auction listed the contents of the envelope. The menagerie has blank entries with nothing but town names. I put two and two together.
Where’s your friend?
RILEY
Right here.
ERIC
The big one.
RILEY
None of your business.
ERIC
He’s here somewhere.
RILEY
No.
ERIC
Yes he is.
RILEY
No he’s not.
BECKETT
He’s certainly not down by the lake.
(ERIC laughs.)
ERIC
The lake.
(ERIC runs off. RILEY starts to chase.)
BECKETT
No. We’re gonna go this way.
(RILEY is reluctant.)
You’re coming with me now.
(A Cliff. Above the lake.)
Here. You can come to the edge.
Come here, it’s safe.
Look down.
RILEY
Is that the lake?
BECKETT
Yeah. We’ve probably got another four or five minutes before he gets there. And this:
(BECKETT points next to them.)
RILEY
Oooooh Snot Otter. What is that?
BECKETT
That’s how we scare off the tourists.
Push it off, watch it fall, wait for the fireworks.
Come on, it’ll take both of us to push.
RILEY
Hey Beckett. Thank you for this. You didn’t have to help.
BECKETT
He’s your best friend, right?
RILEY
Look. This isn’t my place. I don’t really know you or your circumstances. And I don’t have any right to be saying this to you. But you deserve happiness. And if you can find a way to have it…
Beckham would have wanted you to chase it.
(The Cave:)
BIKINI MONSTER
Snot Otter!
Like that?
RENDER
That’s it. It’s like a monster swear word. We totally get to use it.
BIKINI MONSTER
What’s it mean?
RENDER
I have no idea.
(ERIC can be heard screaming from off:)
RENDER (cont.)
What was that?
(They move to the mouth of the cave. More screaming. More running.)
BIKINI MONSTER
What is that?
RENDER
That is a Professor Bunion.
And that’s a fridge monster.
And a vacuum monster.
Bowling Ball monster.
Oh. Lots of bowling ball monsters.
RILEY
(from off:)
Render! Up here!
RENDER
Hey! Did you do that?
RILEY
Yeah.
RENDER
You’re amazing.
RILEY
Meet me at the van.
RENDER
Okay!
(BIKINI BOTTOMS bites RENDER’S leg.)
Stop that.
(The Van:)
[low:] We can’t just pour more water on it?
RILEY
Ren… we could but… I mean eventually.
RENDER
Yeah.
BIKINI MONSTER
[dying:] Hey Render.
RENDER
Yeah Bikini Monster
BIKINI MONSTER
Are there others like me?
RENDER
Yeah.
(BIKINI BOTTOMS on-noms her last nom.)
BIKINI MONSTER
Hey Render.
RENDER
Yeah.
BIKINI MONSTER
Do they look like me?
RILEY
There are all kinds: red bikini monsters, polka dot bikini monsters.
BIKINI MONSTER
So I’m one of a kind?
RILEY
Yeah.
BIKINI MONSTER
I love that.
Hey Render.
RENDER
Yeah.
BIKINI MONSTER
Do you think I have a mother?
(BIKINI MONSTER dies.)
( … )
( … )
RENDER
That is radically sad.
RILEY
That was my good bathing suit.
( … )
RENDER
So Bunion knows where we’re going?
RILEY
I think so.
RENDER
Maybe we should go somewhere else.
RILEY
No. We keep going. We beat him there. We lay a trap.
RENDER
Yeah. Okay.
RILEY
Alright Crypto-Curious, we’re gonna call it for today. We have a lot of plans to make. We’ll tell you about them next time on: Have Monster, Will Travel.
RENDER
And as they say where I’m from: “Don’t turn around Lester, it’s right behind you!”
(end of episode.)
ZACH
Hi, This is the Bikini Monster himself Zach Robinson. Have Monster, Will Travel features the vocal talents of Jordan Trovillion as Riley Kate, Paul Kerford Wilson as Render, Dave Powell as the criminally-insane Professor Bunion –
DAVE
That hurts more than you realize.
ZACH
Shelby Becker as Beckett, Bridget Leak as the mostly nonverbal bikini bottoms and me, Zach Robinson. Today’s episode was written by Trey Tatum and directed by Bridget Leak. Have Monster, Will Travel is a production of Queen City Flash out of Cincinnati, Ohio.
DAVE
Hey, this is Dave Powell. Thank you so much for joining us on episode three. If you’ve been having a good time, please consider rating and reviewing us in itunes. We’re a young podcast and your support is critical to helping us find and grow our audience.
For hijinks and more, follow us on our Instagram page, @havemonsterwilltravel