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From Diagnosis To Resilience: Cara Lockwood On Breast Cancer, Career Setbacks, And Finding Strength

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I sat down today with USA Today bestselling author Cara Lockwood to unpack her breast cancer journey, the shock of diagnosis, choosing chemo in a gray zone, and losing a publisher mid-treatment while finding a sharper sense of purpose and humor. She shares how to support loved ones without platitudes, advocate for care, and rebuild identity after a double mastectomy.

• Cara’s “white room” diagnosis and emotional freefall
• Moving from shock to fight mode with journaling and humor
• What to say and what not to say to patients
• Advocacy, second opinions, and choosing your care team
• Chemo as an “insurance policy” amid ambiguous guidelines
• Getting dropped by a publisher and gaining perspective
• Glass balls versus rubber balls for focus and sanity
• Body image, identity, and giving yourself credit
• Practical guidance on screening, mammograms, and ultrasounds
• New project: Kiss Marry Kill and life after remission

Connect with Cara!

https://caratheauthor.com/



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Keep Shining- Shanna Star

Shanna Star:

Welcome back to another episode of the Shine Podcast. I'm your host, Shauna Starr. Today I have a very special guest with me that will hit home with so many of you listening. Kara Lockwood is a USA Today best-selling author of more than 35 books. She's also a breast cancer survivor, and she endured a double mastectomy, chemotherapy, and now reconstruction before going into remission in 2024. And half of all of her book proceeds benefit breast cancer research. Her most recent book, there's no good book for this, but I wrote one anyway, is The Guide to Crushing Breast Cancer. Today we get to chat about what happened during her breast cancer experience, but also now looking back, how her mindset has changed, being vulnerable with other people, how the outlook has changed for her career, and even what happened during her chemotherapy, right in the midst and getting cut from her publisher. So let's get right into this conversation. I think you're gonna absolutely adore her and then go check her out and buy all of her books, especially that recent one. It will help you with crushing breast cancer. Here is Kara Lockwood. I'm so happy to have you. And now that we got the audio working, even more happy. I know.

Cara Lockwood:

I'm so happy to be here. So glad the uh the gremlins, the tech gremlins decided to go away.

Shanna Star:

Yes, yes. You brought in the big guns, the husband, and all the stuff. So that was good. Well, I just wanted to jump right in. I was telling you right before we started recording, just what it felt so special when I saw your name pop up in the inbox because earlier this year my mom was diagnosed. Hers was the best, if you if there is a best of it. And um she had the DCIS stage zero and had just a lumpectomy. Um, and then I actually had surgery. I had a tumor in my breast last month. So, like I said, when your name popped up, I just felt so connected to that. And of course, my story is um not as extensive, but I'm just so excited to have you here. So let's start with that. When you were diagnosed with stage one um during a routine mammogram, if that's right, and what went through your head? How did that go? Tell me how that part of the journey went.

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, I mean, it's just uh like a grenade in your life. You know, it turns everything upside down, it throws everything into the air. Um, you know, it was just not something I was expecting. Cancer doesn't run in my family, and uh it just really, I just thought of mammograms as like a checkbox, like, okay, you know, just to do that, that, that thing you're supposed to do every year. I really wasn't expecting uh, you know, to have breast cancer. And then of course it arrived. So it just threw everything, all of your, you know, uh plans, whether they're work or family or anything, you know, into complete disarray. So for a while I just felt incredibly discombobulated, I think.

Shanna Star:

Oh, I can't imagine. I know there was a point that you've mentioned where that like fight mode kicked in. Yeah. And I and for you, was it right away? Did you feel like you needed a few minutes to just absorb the information? How did that go for you?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, well, I mean, when the doctor called me, I I went into what I call the white room, which is just, you know, the void. And then, you know, I was there, I was holding the phone, I was listening, but I wasn't really absorbing it and I wasn't really there. Like I think it was just sort of shock. And it took me a while to get my footing because I, you know, people that I told would be like, oh, you know, you're a fighter, you've got this. And I'm like, I'm a pacifist and I hate conflict. Like, I like to garden. What are you talking about? I'm not a fighter. Like, this is not me. And so it took some time to sort of get my arms around it. And I think, uh, you know, and process all those big emotions that come along with it. Uh, you know, there's so much, you know, being scared, there's being angry, there's, you know, a lot, there's a whole section of why me. And then, and then you have to get to the I'm gonna kick cancer's butt. And that takes a little time, it takes a process. It took me definitely a few weeks to really get my my arms around it to get into fight mode. Yes.

Shanna Star:

Well, there's so many questions as soon as you said that, but it's a good little leeway right into one of your more recent books, which is there's no good book for this, but I wrote one anyway, which is the guide to crushing breast cancer. Yes. So you talk about well, you talk about that and kind of what it entails, what that looks like, and what writing that looked like for you as well.

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah. So all through the process, I did a lot of journaling, you know, um, as a best-selling romance novelist. I'm used to writing happy endings. So I think part of me was hoping to journal and just influence the ending if I could. Uh so, but it was harder because this was a personal story. So it wasn't about fictional characters, it was about myself. And, you know, it was hard. Uh, I think there was a challenge in being vulnerable. You know, I bring people into the MRI room with me and uh into surgery, and you know, those things are um, you know, very personal. But I just wanted to show people that they weren't alone. And I felt as many uh books that are out there that are incredibly well-meaning and well-researched by doctors and nurses, they're sort of, I call them like the terrifying breast cancer phone book of information, which is just like over, overkill in some ways. But uh, you know, I just wanted something that was sort of more a story about the emotional journey. Like, how do you, how do you get from diagnosis to fighter, you know, to survivor? Like what is that, what does that journey look like emotionally? And I wanted to use humor too, because I feel that humor is our best weapon, uh, whether that's dealing with um something as as you know terrible as cancer or just getting through our work day. You know, I I think humor can be our secret weapon. So I I wanted to put that in the book as much as possible. And um, so I, you know, tried to tried to use myself too as uh examples of how to how to try to use humor in maybe the worst moments.

Shanna Star:

Yeah, yeah. Was this your first book out of romance transitioning into something in a completely different genre then?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, you know, yeah. I I my entire career, which spans over 20 years, has been almost entirely romance. Uh, whether that's routines or uh adults or, you know, romantic comedies, you know, romantic suspense, like all of the different kinds of romance you can write. But this was the first time that I really delved into nonfiction. I did, I did have a stint out of college where I was a newspaper journalist. So I wrote nonfiction, you know, for a living, uh, you know, covering like little city councils and meetings and school boards and that kind of thing. But this is really the first time I I really tackled a subject sort of in-depth that's that's nonfiction and and very personal too.

Shanna Star:

And such uh when I was reading about you and listening to you on other podcasts and shows, something that I felt like I connected with, and again, I haven't been in your experience, but it's that people when they're trying to help tend to it comes from the best place, right? They have things that they think is going to be helpful. And and it's not the same, but when I was going through my divorce, I found, you know, when you're in a grieving process, no matter what that looks like, people tend to say similar things like, um, you know, you can handle this because you're strong, and yeah, the best, you know, all these things where I'm like, I don't ever want to hear that. I don't want to hear there's a reason for this. I don't think we can make a reason from it, but I think that in it, those are helpful things. And so I totally agreed with some of the things you were saying too. So, what are some of the like maybe most unhelpful things that you heard? Oh, and what could we say instead? Because I feel like most, if not all, have been affected and surrounded by women who have dealt with breast cancer.

Cara Lockwood:

Oh, yeah. I mean, that's such a good point you make. And uh, by the way, uh, kudos for living a magnificent life after your divorce. I'm also divorced. I uh, you know, now I can look for a reason, then not so much. Like, you know, and I think people uh use those same platitudes when when someone has cancer. And the platitudes uh they're sort of our go-to sometimes when we're uncomfortable, but honestly, they serve us more than them. We're it's almost like we're trying to make ourselves feel better by saying, oh, you're a fighter, you've got this, or everything happens for a reason, you know, we're making ourselves feel better, not the other person. So I mean, some of the the worst things uh people have said have been um, you know, you've got the you know, good kind of cancer, or uh, you know, you've uh uh I'm so so you know, they caught it early, so you're completely fine and you don't have nothing to worry about. Like, well, uh there's a whole lot between a lot in between. Yeah, yeah. And I I think all of those things come from a place of trying to make yourself feel better because it's so scary. It's such a scary thing to happen. And when another person hears about it, I think, you know, immediately they they want to make their friend or loved one feel better. And they also want to make the universe make sense because cancer is one of those things that just hits anybody. It doesn't care what you do for a living, it doesn't care who you voted for, it doesn't care about anything, it just like pops into your life uh uh completely unannounced. And so I think for the people hearing that news, it's like, how do I make sense of this? Because this person doesn't deserve cancer and this is scaring me. And what if I have it?

Shanna Star:

You know? Absolutely. That's you're right about that. You immediately turn it into we can't help it as humans, to the point of, oh, what about me? You know, that's just how it works. Exactly.

Cara Lockwood:

I mean, it's just a very human thing. So we should also show ourselves a little bit of grace because it's it's hard to say the right thing at the right time. Um, but and and a lot of people would ask very probing questions too, like um, you know, does it run in your family? What was your diet like? You know, did you did you, you know, have a lot of sugar? I just read an article that sugar causes cancer, you know. So people just want some reassurances that they're gonna be okay, that that maybe they have some control over what happens to them, which is completely human. Everyone, everyone wants to take, you know, the right message from bad news that's sort of it's how we're wired, you know. If our ancestors had forgotten what poisonous mushrooms look like, we wouldn't be here.

Shanna Star:

Right, right.

Cara Lockwood:

Right, right. So it's it's it's it's only human, but I think the way we can sort of get around that may be to try to think about just purely curious questions and purely non-judgmental, you know, questions. Like, how are you? Like, how are you feeling about all this? Uh offers of help are always good. You know, how can I how can I help? Can I go to the grocery store for you? Can I make you a meal? Can I, you know, do something for you? I think as long as we keep the other person front and center, we're gonna be do a better job of of comforting, you know, that person. I don't know how you felt about your mom when your mom told you the news.

Shanna Star:

Yeah. I it was it was so interesting because she had gone in and the day that she got the diagnosis and the call, I happened to be flying to go see her. And so I got to be with her. Yeah, which was wonderful. And so we got to grieve a little bit together, which um I'm I'm thankful for that. And that was whatever grieving looks like, I found for myself whenever I'm in a in a grieving place. The best thing that I always tell people, I might be a little bit more harsh about it, but I'm like, nope, don't tell me it's gonna get better. I I know it probably will, not what I want to hear. I just always say, just sit with me and just tell me like this sucks today. Yes. Really what I need, you know. Yes, exactly.

Cara Lockwood:

I think that's an amazing point because I I feel like I talk about it like a roller coaster has two seats because when something is terrible happening, you you want to look to the side just for a witness, right? You just want someone with you to say, this is terrible. Is this as bad as I think it is? Okay, you know, I mean, because that's what we want more than anything, just a comfort to know we're not alone, you know, that we're not on this roller coaster ride by ourselves.

Shanna Star:

And I love what you said about just asking curious questions because sometimes those are the more most helpful. Like I'm I'm I'm assuming even when you first found out, you might not even know how you feel when somebody is like, how do you feel? And it helps you start to hope hopefully navigate those emotions and figure out how do I feel through this? And and do I have somebody by my side that can help me through it?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because I I think the emotions are so big and you're so right that it's grieving. You're grieving, you know, the loss of your healthy self. You're you're you know, grieving the loss of your peace and going, you know, you're grieving all the plans you made for this coming year that that perhaps are not going to, you know, are going to be sidelined or or delayed. Um, there's a lot of and grief is such a big emotion. All of the emotions are wrapped into it, you know, the anger and resentment and you know, all of those things. So as they come up, it's hard to recognize why am I angry? You know, why am I sad? Why am I upset? Like, you know, so having a friend that that can ask you questions, how do you feel about that? Like, are you are you okay with uh the doctor and and their mannerisms, right? I mean, are you are you, yeah. I mean, because um it's not one size fits all for treatment, and we really do have to advocate for ourselves in our very flawed healthcare system. So we have to, you know, we've got to find the doctors that will listen to us and take our concerns seriously, and um, and then we have to figure out for ourselves like how do we feel about treatment? Because, you know, we have to be the ones to bear it. So, so we have to get to our sort of hard no about treatment or our heck yes about treatment. You know, we have to find those. And so a friend asking curious questions can sort of help us get to that core of how we feel about it for sure. I mean, that's a great, that's a great thing.

Shanna Star:

And I totally agree with what you said about advocating for yourself because each case can be so different. And each um, like you said, doctor and maybe what they push or suggest or how that looks. And now you did end up having a double mysectomy, right? Yes, correct? Okay. And then you also decided, I know you've talked about um, you also decided to do the chemotherapy. Is that correct? Yeah. Okay. Will you talk a little bit about that in that decision and how you got it?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah. So my my tumor ended up being five millimeters. Uh, and if it were six millimeters, they would have said, absolutely, chemotherapy, you have to have it. If it were three millimeters, they they said no, yeah, they would have said no, just go home, you're fine. The surgery, the surgery took care of it. But because it was so close to six, they said, you know, you really should, you really should get chemotherapy, but it's up to you. You know, the guidelines say definitely it's six, but you know, it's up to you, which was almost more nerve-wracking because I you know make the decision. Yeah, yeah, a big decision about that. And I have a wide array of friends and family, and they have very different views. And uh, some people thought poison was the worst thing you could put in your body. And other people, uh, my dad's a retired orthopedic surgeon, and he just said, When you've got cancer, you you gotta throw everything you can at it when you can. Like there's just no messing around with it, it's not gonna mess around with you. So um, eventually, I just decided for me that uh the insurance policy was worth it. I have uh my husband and I have a blended family of five, and our two youngest are in high school. And uh, when I was first diagnosed, I was, you know, I was I was told, well, maybe I'm not gonna see my my youngest graduate high school. Like, you know, if I didn't get treatment, if I didn't get care, uh that that might not happen. And if uh if I hadn't gotten the chemotherapy, then and the cancer came back, it would have been stage four, it would have been metastasized, there would be no second chance. Like this was my chance to get the insurance policy. And and so I did that for my kids. I just felt like it had never occurred to me I wouldn't be there for their high school graduation. So I wanted to do everything I could just in case it came back to say I did everything. Yeah, like you know, I have no regrets. Like I, you know, when I could fight it, I fought it with everything, and I felt terrible that I lost my hair, but I you know, but I'm here.

Shanna Star:

You look beautiful, your hair looks great too. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. And now you've been in remission for a year, is that right? Yeah, that's right. That's incredible. Um I know you've talked a little bit about too that during this whole process in the middle of your treatment, you actually got cut by your publisher. Yes, yes. I want to come back to your story too, but I want to get into that a little bit and and how we can think about work in the midst of something because it's such a hard thing to even grasp. And now you're adding work. So we talk a little bit about being cut by that publisher, which I can't fathom. Yeah, yeah.

Cara Lockwood:

Exactly. Well, um, like so many workers, I'm I'm basically a 1099 contract employee. So uh I don't have some of the same protections that W-2 employees have. So when it came down to it, um, you know, I did all that I could to promote the new book. Um, but the despite even making the USA Today bestseller list for that one, that was my second time on the list. They they said, sorry, you know, it's still, you know, we want to go in a different direction. And uh the the sales were great, but we wanted them better. And so I'm sorry, we're gonna have to let you go. And that and I got that notice like two weeks before the end of chemotherapy, which was sort of that extra gut punch, like you couldn't wait until I was until I was at least done.

Shanna Star:

Give me a couple weeks, yeah.

Cara Lockwood:

Give me a couple weeks, guys. What are we doing? What are we actually doing? But um, and I think it's it is not uncommon because when you're going through a major health issue, you're not your best at work. You know, it's hard to maintain your level of work and and your focus as it should be, it should be on fighting cancer and not, you know, um making that meeting or hitting that sales number or doing, you know, all the amazing things, you know, we do in our jobs. And so, you know, it's it's common to have uh people demoted, people passed over for promotions, people losing their job, and it's just sort of one tragedy kind of on top of another. Um, but I would say that because I was fighting cancer at the time, uh it being cut from my publisher would have been much more devastating than actually it when I was healthy than when I was sick. And it seems like counterintuitive, but for me, you know, it really came down to is this is this gonna kill me though? Is this gonna physically kill me? Because the cancer is trying to physically kill me. And and you know, the getting cut from the publisher isn't gonna kill me. And at that point, I really because I had been cut from publishers before, I had had projects, some projects did well, other projects did not. Um, and I knew I had been in this industry for over 20 years and I would stay, like I'd find a way to stay as I had, you know, over the past 20 years. So, you know, I I think in that way, there's just a very small silver lining to cancer in that you know, it does put things in perspective. You know, if it doesn't kill you, then you're still alive to try again. Yes. And isn't that what we always want?

Shanna Star:

Yeah. That was kind of going to be the next question as well, but how has that experience then, besides maybe shifting your mindset into okay, this won't kill me if something else comes up difficult? Um, how has it shifted how you write and how you navigate then through work and business and your next projects?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, I think that it really has shown me that we have limited time. You know, we're so focused on all of the goals we're trying to meet now, all of the things we want to do. And all of us humans want more time. You know, we don't like to think that there's an end time, you know. And cancer really showed me that um that your end can come at any time, you know, and now that I'm here, I feel like I'm living on bonus time. But in many ways, I was always living on bonus time. You know, I always was. So now I really focus on being more intentional, being more meaningful, understanding that, you know, there is a limited time frame to do what it is you want to do, you know. So when you have an opportunity to do something, you know, I really focus on how do I want to do this the best that I can, the way I want to do it. You know, there's a lot less of um, I should do this for other people, or maybe this other person will like it, you know. I should be happy with it, I should be satisfied, you know, to the to the best of my uh ability, because you never know when you're gonna get another chance to to do that. So I think living with intention is is the way to go for sure.

Shanna Star:

And is there something that uh maybe some advice to newly diagnosed women, or even if we have a friend or family member with that recently diagnosed and about work or life or whatever kind of pops up for you that you would tell them just some advice in those moments?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, yeah. I mean it's so difficult because everything feels so overwhelming. Um I would I would tell them um, you know, in in life, uh there's a there's a famous um uh commencement address uh where the speaker talks about you know your glass balls and your rubber balls, you know, uh, which is that some things in life, you're juggling balls all the time. Okay, they're their um their career and their family and their friends and their uh your hobbies and you know your self-care, which is the you know the ball we we often drop. But um you know, uh, but we're juggling these balls all the time. And sometimes we think uh a glass a rubber ball, like you know, say your your your trip to the gym this week. Well, if you miss that, you're gonna it's gonna bounce, it's gonna, it's gonna, you know, okay be fine. If you uh drop something important at work, which is a glass ball, that'll break and that's a problem. Or your family, like being there for your family. You you're not there for them. It's a glass ball, you drop it, you break it. It's it's hard to make amends. But when you have cancer, I think you start to realize that a lot of the balls you thought were glass are rubber. You know, you know, a lot of the things that you were tying yourself up in knots about, uh whether it's how those towels were folded, or you know, what your neighbor's doing or what your coworker is doing that's driving you crazy, or you know, that that just getting that many more follows on this one post or whatever it is is a rubber ball and you had been treating it like a glass ball. So I would tell people who are newly diagnosed to really think about their lives. And there are actually very few glass balls during cancer. Cancer is the glass ball.

Shanna Star:

Yes, I think that's so important because even in not in the midst of something that's difficult or grieving or a diagnosis, I feel like especially women, but men too, we always do that anyway. It's everything is important. You have to do everything all in that one day. And it's really not that important. There are a few things that are that day, yeah, most of them you can drop and it'll be totally fine.

Cara Lockwood:

Exactly. And they're not gonna break.

Shanna Star:

Right.

Cara Lockwood:

You're gonna have another shot at it tomorrow. Like, you know, hopefully. Yes, right. Hopefully you have the bonus time for it.

Shanna Star:

No, I know you said we both pretty much agree that not everything happens for a reason, but because we're human, when we're out of that, we tend to look back and make a reason out of it to make it important or intentional from it. So, what are some things that maybe you have now been able to look back and change that perspective on or make your life now even better, or that that was important, I guess. Yeah.

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I I do think it when you go through something traumatic and anything traumatic, I think we we look back, you know, it's only human to try to find some meaning in it. Um at the time there is no meaning, it's chaos. But uh afterward, um, I really think that um it it helped me sort of prioritize the things that are important, you know, in in life. And uh, you know, going back to the the glass balls and the rubber balls, uh the there are fewer glass balls than there than there used to be. And I think that's important. I also think it's important when we we go through something difficult. And it's actually why I love your podcast so much because you're you're shining a light. And I I just think it's it's so important um to share our stories with with others uh who may who may find comfort in them. You know, we all find ourselves in dark places sometimes. So I do feel like it's our responsibility to shine light when we can, when we're feeling bright, you know, you know, when we're when we're on the other side to sort of uh help other people find their way out of the dark because otherwise, you know, um I feel like you know, people people will be stranded, you know. So it's it's we do have a responsibility to sort of to look back and and find meaning, not just for ourselves, but for others too.

Shanna Star:

I think you know, you talked about vulnerability earlier, and as soon as you were talking about like that right now, just like connecting and helping people and and I I know that there's so much work on vulnerability and how important it is, because that's you know, it's usually the the last thing you want to show people in yourself, but it's the first thing you want to see in everybody else. Yes. Um and no matter the adversity, like if you can be vulnerable with somebody, it really can heal them and it also heals yourself, you know.

Cara Lockwood:

Oh yeah, yeah. And I I think um being vulnerable, it feels scary, but it's also um, it's also a way, it's really the only way to make connections, true connections with other people, is to show your own vulnerability. I I personally like to do that through humor. I like a lot of self-deprecating humor. And I like, you know, I will I'm the first one to make fun of myself. Um and uh because it it allows people to see your vulnerability, but also laugh with you, yeah, you know, about it. Because I know I'm a goofball half the time.

Shanna Star:

I love that. I know when you were talking about, oh, I'm just gonna make jokes about it. I'm like, I do that too. I don't know if it's like bad trauma for it, but I'm gonna continue to do it because meat laugh makes people laugh. Also makes people slightly uncomfortable and not know how to react. And that's fun too.

Cara Lockwood:

Exactly. Exactly. I know I was cracking jokes all the time with my healthcare team, my doctors, my the anesthesiologist, you know. I think I think some of them appreciated it, and some of them are probably like, hmm, you're gonna need some therapy later.

Shanna Star:

And it's back to the vulnerability too, is it not just connects, but it allows people, like we said, to heal in a way. So my full-time job as a photographer, I'm the one behind the camera and controlling the emotions and the movement and all of the things forward. And so if I do it first, even though it's like scary at first, I don't mind anymore, but um, it allows them to open up and it's just such an incredible gift that you can give people then too.

Cara Lockwood:

So absolutely, absolutely. Because I think, you know, we have a limited time here on earth, and I think we should spend it connecting with people, understanding others, you know. I mean, we're we're meant, we're a social animal. We're meant to be together, you know? And so I think we're meant to make those connections and it makes our lives richer too, theirs and ours, you know, when when you make a connection with a person, when you see that commonality, you know. Um, yeah, I I I think it's it's like the the pinnacle of the best, the best that humans can do.

Shanna Star:

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Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, yeah. You know, um it's it's interesting because I think um especially women just sort of have sort of a negative playlist in their head of emotions. And um, you know, for for me, I uh, you know, struggled with like what would the double mastectomy mean? You know, what what how would I feel about my body? How would I feel about myself? You know, I mean, these are, you know, I I had nursed my children and you know, um breasts are such a part of, you know, I think female identity in general. And, you know, what am I gonna do without them? Like this, this, you know, even with reconstruction surgery, how am I gonna feel about that? Um, and it was hard for me to separate because just in my professional life, I I just had this like this playlist of negative thoughts of like the worst case scenarios happening. Um, I hit the USA Today bestseller list twice, but in my mind, it was like, oh, well, good for you, but it's not the New York Times. So, you know, I don't know if you want to celebrate. Okay, you know, it's like, or you got another book deal, okay, but that's just, you know, two more books. What about, you know, or anyway, is anyone gonna read these? You know, I mean, and I think that the passive aggressive voice in my head, it's hard to know where it comes from. Is it society? Is it, you know, uh a catty friend, uh, you know, uh criticizing relative? We I don't know. It's it's in there. And I I think sometimes it like spurred me to do better, you know, like, oh, okay, well, you're criticizing me. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you know, do better myself. Don't worry about it. Um, but after um my surgery, uh, because I had I had done a lot of things to prepare. I had gone to a therapist and worked through a lot of big feelings. I had I had hit the gym because I had not been hitting the gym. So, you know, doing, you know, exercise, trying to eat right, you know, cutting back on that sugar I was having, you know, all of those things. Um just to get just to get right. Just to, because I was like, this is a major surgery, things can go wrong. I just want to be as healthy as I can mentally and physically before I go into this, even though that's sort of counterintuitive since you have cancer, but you know, as healthy as I could. And when I got out of it, um, and I was recovering, you know, um, I actually gave myself a compliment. I said, you know, you did a good job. Full stop. There was nothing, there was nothing like, you did a good job, but right, but like that joke you cracked with the anesthesiologist. Okay. Or, you know, wow, you really said something silly when you came out of it, or whatever. You know, there were there was no but, there was no and there were no notes. It was just good job. And I just really was overcome emotionally by this. I just really uh I started crying and I I realized I don't think in my adult life I had given myself that kind of good job, you know, you know, without notes. Like I uh and it was then I realized like this kind of negativity, this passive aggressiveness in my head, this terrible playlist that I had just let run without challenge. I really should challenge it. Like this is it was of you know, just ridiculous that I had to have such a major surgery and then feel like that was the first compliment, you know. Yeah, like I and I I think I think women especially were just so hard on ourselves all the time. We expect perfection just all the time, and we don't give ourselves enough credit for uh all of the amazing things we accomplish, even if they're not perfect, even if they're not exactly the way we want them to be.

Shanna Star:

So I would I'm so glad that you finally gave yourself permission to have some of those feelings and maybe cry differently or allow that, and then also look at yourself and go, Oh, I know this is difficult, but my body is still doing great things, and I'm doing great things through it. Yeah, that's wonderful. Yeah, exactly. And again, I know I wasn't in the same place, but I I had a tumor in my face a couple years ago, and I was like, Oh, big deal when you get it cut out, and but that's your face, that's what people see everyone. Yeah, of course. No, of course, it would be emotional. But like you said, there's something about breast, like when my mom got diagnosed, I went to a selfish place, not out loud, but I was like, oh gosh, if this happens to me, it I'd be okay, double massectomy. And then when you get any kind of news or you have to get a second checkup or something goes on, it's it's just different. That feminine it felt much different and scarier than my face. Yeah. And um, and it was hard to explain because I was like, you would think the thing people see would be harder, but it's not what people or what you feel is part of that femininity that you talked about.

Cara Lockwood:

So yeah. Well, so much of our identity is wrapped up into it, and and you know, I I don't I don't know about you, but I I I mean I have complex feelings about my body. So I was very happy I could nurse my children, but I wasn't always happy about how I looked, and you know, um I I just all these complex feelings uh that go back to you know adolescence, you know, and when we're when we're, you know, and and so I I think, but you're so right in that our identity is very much wrapped into certain parts of our body that we don't always think about.

Shanna Star:

Yeah.

Cara Lockwood:

That you know, we don't always think about. I mean, um, I was talking to my therapist and she's like, um, you know, well, you know, you're you're still a woman. Like, even if you lost your uterus, you're still a woman. It doesn't change the fact that you're, you know, a woman. Um, and I was thinking, like, you know, if I lost my uterus, I don't, I don't know if I would feel the same, you know, like because people don't see that. That's not what they see when you're walking down the street or when you're in the mirror looking. Yes, yeah, you don't see that. That's inside. So there is such a complex relationship with our bodies. And when something like this happens, you know, you just re-evaluate all the ways that you think of yourself as a woman, too.

Shanna Star:

So yeah, it's you have done such an incredible job, and not just with the wonderful book that I we're gonna lead everyone to send to here. We need it, I love it. Um but uh you've also been like, like you said, kicking ass with your now mindset and how all of that has shifted. So, what is a piece of advice that we can kick cancer's ass the Kara Lockwood way?

Cara Lockwood:

Yes, yes, yeah. Yeah, I would, you know, I would say um I think the the takeaway truly is that anyone can do it. Like I I think we we tend to we tend to feel like oh only certain brave people are only certain, you know, uh, you know, somebody a real fighter. Like I'm not that. Like I but anyone can find that resolve and that strength. And it's in you, you know, you think it's not, but I'll I'll tell you what the Navy SEALs tell themselves is when you think you're done, you're only 40% done.

Shanna Star:

Yeah.

Cara Lockwood:

And that's everyone. Yeah, that's mentally, yeah.

Shanna Star:

That's just mental. Your body can do more, and yet yes.

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, yeah. So I think it's in you, like you're stronger than you think you are. Absolutely.

Shanna Star:

And I'd bet, yeah, yeah, I'd bet on you every day that I saw it's much less eloquent than that. But there's a meme that I saw that said something like, Well, are you gonna cry about it? Are you gonna boss up? And it's like, Well, I'm gonna do both. Exactly. I'm gonna ball and I need some self-loathing, and then the next day I will figure out a way. Exactly. I love that. I need to find that meme. I love it. And I know now that you're in remission, and I'm so happy to hear that for you. What is next? What's on the horizon? What's going on with you? More romance novels, more guides, uh, or something unexpected. What's that?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah. So um, I actually am writing um a mystery rom-com. So it's slightly different, but um it's out next summer. It's called Kiss Mary Kill. So it's about a failed podcaster who um has to come home to her hometown and might be dating a serial killer now. We're we're not sure. I'm not gonna I'm not gonna tell you. She's also dating some others who may be, you know, temporary and casual, and maybe someone who's more serious. So you have to decide. Like the the kiss marry kill. That's incredible.

Shanna Star:

I wrote it down while you were saying it, so I'll go. Yes. And is there anything else that maybe we haven't talked about that kind of comes up for you, either for advice or something that helped you along the way, or just something that's been on your heart lately to share?

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah. You know, I just think um we're all we're all more amazing than we give ourselves credit for. You know, we should, we should all give ourselves more credit just in in general. Like, I mean, there's fighting cancer, but there's also, you know, uh fighting um frustrations at work and trying to get your kids off to school and taking care of your parents as they age. You know, we should we should give ourselves credit because we're actually pretty amazing.

Shanna Star:

Yeah. Oh, I love that. That's wonderful. And I know you've talked about too in the past, just yes, it's maybe awful or terrible or hard or stuck in this moment. And it's okay to have all those feelings, but it won't be forever. I know you've got to.

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, it won't be forever. It's it's temporary. I mean, it's sort of the blessing and the curse of uh of our lives, is that nothing is permanent, but that's also the bad times. So it's important, it's important to remember that.

Shanna Star:

Yeah. So how can we find you, follow you, get all of your books, especially the There's No Good Book for This?

Cara Lockwood:

Yes. Yes. Well, you can you can find me at um Kara theauthor.com. That's Kara with a C theauthor.com. Um, you can read all about uh There's No Good Book for This and all my other books. Uh, but it's also available, you know, Amazon, uh Barnes and Noble, wherever you get your books. And uh there's an Audible as well. If you, you know, would like to listen to me and my voice go on for longer and longer, you can.

Shanna Star:

Perfect. You have a lovely voice, and I agree. I'm seeing it on Amazon. I'm like, oh, there's a lot of Audible. That's cool. Well, I appreciate you so much and your story, and I hope that everyone um can reach out to, get your book, follow you, and hear more about you and hear all the sarcastic, fun comments that you've got. Yeah.

Cara Lockwood:

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. There's there's so much, yeah. I'm very salty, and it's all good.

Shanna Star:

Well, thank you so much. You've been absolutely lovely.

Cara Lockwood:

Thank you.

Shanna Star:

Before I let you go, I wanted to answer one more question that I think so many women have, and that is when should we get tested? And what should we get tested for? And what are the questions we should be asking? As soon as we hit stop, I was like, wait, Kara, I want you to answer these questions too. So I'm sorry it wasn't on the interview with her, but we did talk about this a little bit. First of all, Kara did say for the average woman, doctors do suggest that after the age of 40 to get tested. She did mention though that that is something that you can advocate for, especially if cancer does run in your family. You might want to mention that to your doctor as well. And as far as what to get for herself, she had to end up getting a mammogram and ultrasound. But really talk to your doctor and be an advocate for yourself if you feel like before you need to be tested. Just ask your doctor all the questions and what would be best for you. Thank you and keep shining. Are you a photography business owner looking to elevate your business? I started using PickTime and am absolutely in love. I have been looking for a different solution, and this has been it. It is the ultimate streamline for workflow and enhancing client experience. It has beautiful galleries and it's easy for clients to navigate, download with all of images, or you can select how many images they download, which is incredible for my business. I also love the AI integration, which means if you have more than six people in the gallery, they can just simply click on their face and look for them and download those photos. I love it. It has a built-in e-commerce capabilities, making it simple to sell those digital downloads, prints and merchandise all in one place. Now you can join the thousands of photographers who trust PickTime and me not to just store your work, but grow your business. You can try it for free with my code and get also an extra free month when you upgrade to a pay plan. Link is going to be in the notes, or you can head to divista photography.pick dash time.com slash referral. You can head right to the notes and click on the link so you can start your beautiful galleries today.