The Art of Receiving with Kay Rashad

Kay talks about why receiving feels so vulnerable for so many women, from compliments and gifts to support, money, and bigger opportunities. We name the habits that keep us shrinking and share practical ways to build self-worth, confidence, and emotional capacity so we can let good things land. 
• why giving is easy and receiving can trigger guilt and self-doubt 
• how rejecting a compliment rejects the giver’s joy too 
• fear of success and “waiting for the shoe to drop” mindset 
• affirmations, journaling, and speaking worth out loud 
• a simple breath-and-pause practice to actually receive praise 
• using encouragement in DMs and being mindful of online negativity 
• over-apologizing, trauma patterns, and taking up space 
• replaying conversations, anxiety spirals, and learning to move on 
• confidence as the result of receiving and showing up fully 
• dimming our glow to avoid growth, loss, or visibility 
• health, chronic illness, gratitude, and asking for help 

Connect and follow Kay 

https://www.instagram.com/discovering_kay

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Transcript

Welcome And Why Receiving Matters

Shanna Star 0:07

Welcome back to another episode of the Shine Podcast. I'm your host, Shauna Starr. Today I have such a fun guest with me. Her name is Kay, and we get to talk all things about receiving and what that looks like. And we get to also jump into stretching our emotional capacity, which basically means let those people around you give to you as well. Let's get right to the conversation. Thank you, Kay, and welcome to the Shrine Podcast. I'm so happy to have you here today and to hear about all the things you've been doing. And today we're going to get into receiving. And so we kind of chose this topic to, I think it's it's a good season for me. I've actually been doing a lot of praying about being able to receive and what that looks like to prepare myself for receiving. And as I was going through some kind of questions, I kept coming across, I know women and maybe you agree to are so good at giving. So talk about that a little bit and what maybe has gotten you better at receiving, what that looks like, maybe some struggles with it.

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Yeah. So, like you said, we are taught to have to justify things, right? And so me, I'm a giver in all aspects. Like, even if that's for like my mom or my children, my um partner at the time. Like, I love giving gifts. And then when somebody gives me something, it's kind of like you know, like, did I deserve it? Like, what did like, but I do love it at the same time. I love giving getting gifts because it makes me feel like the things that I do um is respected, and uh that it's like an ounce of like a little sunshine and rainbows for me, right? I am a big cartoon fan. I love Powerpuff Girls. I have bubbles on my uh on my forearm here, um, close to my wrist. But um I anytime I embody like all of those characters in a way. And so when it comes to like how I am receiving, like I get just so overjoyed. Um, my kids for my birthday, my mom, um, she has this thing where I have three kids, I have three boys. She has this thing where she will get each one of them to get me something, but she asked me what I wanted this year, and I was like, I don't know. And so, but when I got them, even though I knew exactly what I was gonna get because I picked them, but when I got it, I was so excited, but then at the same time, I was like, well, should I have gotten it in the first place? Like, you know what I mean? Because I could have used it for something else or or whatever, but sometimes it's it's hard. And sometimes you overexplain yourself and you make it seem as if you need permission instead of standing in our worth, and that's not a fun place to be, yeah, right? We uh receive these things and then we are just guilty of guilty about it, and that's not okay. We should be comfortable with being seen and supported and poured into, but it's a mindset that we have to work on um daily because sometimes it comes from like early childhood or in the workforce, and sometimes you don't see um or you don't feel valued in those areas that come, and then it makes you discomforted, and so but but yeah, at the same time, we have to learn to train ourselves to get out of that, yeah. Um, to be able to earn it back is is a work in progress.

Why We Reject Compliments

Shanna Star 4:17

I um it reminds me of a couple friends that I actually have too, and I am very close with her, so I could like fake get after her. And anytime I would give her just a compliment, to me, she would be like, oh no, no, no, no, oh no thing, oh no, it's ugly. Oh no, my hair looks bad, you know. And that's not every woman's, but a lot of women's reaction right away is to reject a compliment or reject that small gift. And I I went to her actually one time and I was like, just so you know, when you tell me no or reject a compliment, it's it's rejecting a gift. I said that would be the same as if I hand you a physical gift and you don't receive it. And she took it to heart and she was like, You're right, I need to receive it so that she absorbs it, believes it, accepts it. And that was something that I I mean, I have to work on that for myself as well. But with her, I noticed she did it every time. And I was like, you have to start receiving because you're also then saying no to the joy it brings to the person who gives. And you know, we want to give, just like you said, it makes us happy to give. And so when we reject those, um yeah, and and I see a lot of women do also where they're they want to seem smaller than they are as far as I'm low maintenance, I don't need a lot, oh, I don't need that, you know, I can live on very little, and it's it's an interesting thing to see because you don't normally see men live that way. So um, yeah, that's been something where it's like, okay, if somebody compliments you rather than rejecting it, just a simple thank you and accepting and receiving is right, right.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

I have um, sorry, I have something, my eyelash got a knock. I was like, what is that? Um, I have a friend and he uh he compliments me all the time, and I'm so grateful for because uh my business partner, who's actually my cousin, um as well, he's he loves to give me my flowers, as we call it, as well. And he but he has this thing about me where I've heard it a lot in my life that I am nonchalant, right, about things. And so I kind of like try not to get overly excited about things because sometimes I'm like, well, maybe it'll go wrong, right? And so I've been on some big projects lately, and other people would like really have to do a lot to get those positions or have to know somebody um as well to be able to be a part, and for me to be able to be a part of those things and to not be like super like, oh, I can't believe I did this, or you know, blah blah. I'm just like, yeah. Um, so I did this in X, Y, and D of school, and he was like, How are you not excited? He's like, I'm excited for you, and I'm just like, Yeah, cool. I'm like, I I mean, I am excited, I guess. And he was like, You gotta get out of that. And I was like, I don't know how.

Waiting For The Shoe To Drop

Shanna Star 7:30

Yeah, but yeah, I I think that's very common too, where it's you almost don't want to get too excited because you're waiting for the shoe to drop. You know, you're waiting for the okay, I received this blessing or this gift or this thing. So what's gonna go wrong to balance it out?

SPEAKER_01 7:45

Yeah, but they were blocking it, right? Yes, and so then it's like you're setting yourself up for that man, it's like a manifestation gone wrong in a way, yeah, because you're speaking it in the atmosphere already, you're like there's something that's gonna mess this up. I already know. And then if it doesn't, great, but most of the time it does because probably because you said it. Yeah, um, so you unfortunately, yeah. So you've set yourself up for this, but um I've I'm trying to learn. Um, I'm still going in my season of receiving as well. I don't have a lot of people that do offer things to me or give things to me, but when I do, I I do cherish it. Um, I still have a rock that a little kid gave me. Um, I had a photo shoot a couple of years ago. It's been well, it's been more than a couple of years ago. It's like probably six, six years ago. Oh, you need more, yes.

Shanna Star 8:50

As a full-time photographer, I need more photo shoots.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

No, no, no, not the photo shoot. Um, I just but the rock. So I was at a photo shoot then, and the little girl, she came with her mom, who was a photographer, and she gave me a rock or whatever, and I was just so excited about the rock. And so I put it in my car and I still have it. It's still in the car. But um, things like little things like that bring me more joy than anything. Yeah.

Shanna Star 9:23

Um, so for those listening that are probably in the same place where receiving is hard, whether it's just a compliment or but being ready to receive more for a business. I know for myself too, we always say we want more money in our business. And then when it comes time to receive, we're not set up for that or we're scared of it, or whatever you know is going on there. So, is there some encouragement that you would tell the women listening that how can we stretch our emotional capacity to then hold that goodness um without feeling the need to deflect it and be ready to receive? Is there some things that you've worked on that you feel like works for you and works for other women to prepare yourself to receive?

Affirmations And Self-Talk For Worth

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Yeah, um, I use sticky notes sometimes on my computer. I love sticky notes um that you could physically write on, but because of my hands hurt when holding a pen, I tend to not write as much anymore. But I love affirmations, right? I love being able to tell myself that I deserve this. I like to be able to say that I am worthy. Um, I shouldn't have to feel little or whatever. I want to make sure that I feel that peace with inside of me to bring it out of me at the same time. Because if I'm used to chaos, right? And so when it comes to chaos, you you kind of peace feels foreign. And sometimes when that comes with your business or when it comes to family or friends, it can get hard. And so it's it's something that we definitely have to just keep speaking, right? Um, words are powerful more than anything. There's nothing that you can do more powerful than talk to yourself. A lot of people say, Well, you shouldn't talk to yourself. Well, that's not true.

Shanna Star 11:25

You should all day, especially if you work from home, you know.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

That's your your body should be able to, your body responds to what you're saying out loud. Um, if you say, like, I am what I like to call myself a chronic baddie, right? I have a lot of health issues. But if I sit here and I say, I feel terrible, I feel horrible, my head hurts. If I say this every day, it's gonna keep happening. But if I say I'm healed, I am great today. Today's gonna be an awesome day. I'm not gonna have a fever today. If I speak those things, then they will be. Yeah, and that should go on with anything in your life. If you want a million dollars, guess what? Say it. You don't know how you may get it, but say it and believe it and keep saying it over and over again. If you feel like your business is struggling, say that it's worthy enough to be seen by millions, or say that it's worthy to be on billboards. All of those things are achievable, but you have to believe it first.

Shanna Star 12:31

Yeah, it it reminds me of I don't even know where I first heard this, but it's known that you know, as soon as you get a new car or you look for a specific car, you're gonna see that color car on the road over and over and over. And it's the same thing with positivity. Yes, things happen to us sometimes very much out of our control that is negative. And they are hard and difficult seasons for sure. But if we focus on good things as well, once we're through that difficult season, we're gonna find the nuggets of good, whether it's good people or whatever. And so, same with the car. Like if you're looking for a red car, all of a sudden you're gonna see 10,000 when you never noticed them before. And yeah, it's just it's just very true for just life to be holding on to those those good things as well. And um yeah, it's it can be difficult though, like you said, like there's lots of things going on. So is there um kind of shifting our view from of a blessing from something I kept to something I can steward, you know, and help the guilt. I know that you talked about that at the very beginning. How can we then use those blessings and how can we steward them in a better way? As far as um, I guess it just goes back to receiving is you know, what can we do with those compliments or um how can we be better at those things and use them?

SPEAKER_01 14:01

Okay.

A Simple Breath To Receive

SPEAKER_01 14:03

So the thing is that when you receive the compliment, um, this is sometimes what I do. Um, I'll hold myself, um, whether it's on my chest or hold my other hand, and I'll just take a deep breath. And then that's me receiving it before I say thank you, right? Because sometimes you have to sit with yourself to be able to receive those things. Um, it's kind of like when people go to award shows, right? And they're like, they're taking a deep breath and they're like breathing hard and all this, right? Before they give their speech to say the thanks. It's the same way in real life. Um, when you are receiving those things, take a deep breath and know that you're worthy of getting that gift, that compliment. Um, and then also work on complimenting others too and see their reactions. Because sometimes when you compliment others and you see how good it makes them feel, you should be like, Well, why don't I feel that way? You should almost be like, Well, I'm doing the wrong thing because I'm not feeling that way. When somebody gives me that, so um, I try to look at it in in a different way so that way I could be able to um embrace it.

Shanna Star 15:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

More than I'm giving.

Shanna Star 15:27

Yes. I grew up, I was very lucky I have a wonderful mom who would compliment any woman that she found beautiful, shining, and shoes she liked, any anything. And so I grew up that that was normal. So, of course, being around it, I started doing that. If I saw a woman with something that I loved or she seemed beaming or anything about her, I would tell her. And there's some people who I would be around who would be like, why are you doing that? I'm like, why would you not? Like, what's right, right, right? You might feel awkward for two seconds, but it might make their day. And um and back to that receiving for me, I know um something that I've had to do is to be a better receiver is writing just like you. Like I write in my journal, I'm writing down verses or affirmations, or the things in my head I try to then turn into, okay, well, those aren't true. Like, where is that coming from? Where is that negativity coming from? And then, like I said recently, it's been so powerful for me that some things in my household are changing. And so it's like, okay, well, how can I be physically ready to receive? And if you sit in the quiet, sometimes you'll hear those. You can think it's God, you can think it's voices, you can think it's intuition, whatever you think it is. You'll have little inklings, and it's like, oh, you need to do this. Oh, there's this you need to set up, and just little things where if when you listen to them, you're like, okay, well, I want to receive. And if you follow through with those actions, it's kind of proving to God, the universe, yourself, that you actually want those as well. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Yeah. I know um when I hit you in your your inbox, the first thing I was like, I love your hair. Um because I am one of I am one of those people that compliments everybody. And sometimes it may be that I know this may be wrong to say I may lie and say, hey, I love your outfit. But because I see they have a little pep in their step, like I'm gonna boost it up because if you think you look good, that's all that matters. You go, baby. I agree. I go for it. Yes. You I don't like to be like a girl with yet on. Like, no, that'd be if you feel good in it, you go for it.

Encouragement Online Without The Noise

Shanna Star 17:53

And it's just one more way that we can encourage uh other women that maybe we don't know them, maybe we don't know their business or you know what they do, but it's just the first step in encouraging and helping them along the way is just noticing them.

SPEAKER_02 18:07

So that helps a lot.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Um, telling people social media is is very powerful, and you never know what somebody is going through or how they can receive um from you because a lot of people that don't front for social media and pretend to be so happy and joyful all the time, yeah, and then you never know what they're going, what is happening behind closed doors. And sometimes just giving them a compliment in their DM, they get the compliments on their pages, right? All the time. But sometimes going to a personal DM or something like that can mean more to them because they're like, I kind of needed that. Because sometimes people are ugly incumbents too, and they're not very nice to people at all. Like you'll see cute, it's something super cute, and then here comes all the negative. A lot of it. Sometimes, yes, it's terrible, and so that's why I'm like sometimes when it comes to influencers, I just be like, God bless them. I there's a lot of it. I don't know if I can handle all that heat all the time. No, no, a lot of people are always like, Well, why don't you want to be an influencer? Definitely not. Like, if I can be an influence as in just being an encouragement to somebody, yeah. But I do not want all that um extra smoke that they'd be giving those people.

Over-Apologizing And Taking Up Space

Shanna Star 19:41

No, no, no, I something that goes along with receiving, and I know it was kind of back and forth too, is apologizing. Because that's something else that women tend to overly apologize. And I'm very guilty. My husband will say this. He's like, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you know, making fun of me that I say it for things that it doesn't even make sense to apologize for. So it's something that I work on, of course, like most people, but what are then what are we teaching like the next generation of women if we continue to quote like apologize for taking up space? And because women tend to do that when they feel like they're taking up too much space, and it's a form of politeness just to do that. Now, just know I think apologizing is absolutely necessary when it's needed. Of course, apologize when you're in the wrong, you know, of course, believe in that fully. But we apologize for things just for taking up space, uh, just to be polite. And I would love to know like your your thoughts on that.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Yeah, so I have that issue too. Um, but mine comes from trauma. And so when you have trauma, sometimes that is your way of life, and it's a habit to say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, because you think that somebody's gonna be angry, or sometimes it's because you are an overachiever and you want things to be perfect. Um, but it's okay to take up space, it's okay to own how you are in every aspect of your life. Just know that know that it's okay to be yourself and to be the person that you were destined to be, right? Nobody else can be you, nobody else can say the things that you're gonna say the right way. You are who you are because of of God or whoever you believe in, and the person that you've made yourself to become. And so why, if you're going to work so hard at being that, then why are you taking it back? It's like a slap in the face to yourself, really, because now you're shrinking yourself. And now you're not learning to receive and embracing it. You're just going back to that little corner by saying I'm sorry all the time. And it's kind of like being a kid, um, saying I'm sorry, and then like as if we're gonna go get in time out. And so, and that doesn't feel good, and that also brings anxiety, saying then I'm sorry about everything internally, it's doing something to you, and that can mess up anxiety for you, um, whatever kind of nerves as well. Um, so it that's another habit that needs to be addressed with with women. Stop saying I'm sorry, if it is nothing to see, I'm sorry

Replaying Conversations And Anxiety Spirals

SPEAKER_01 22:46

about.

Shanna Star 22:46

And along with that, this is something that I've struggled with, and maybe you do as well. I know so many others do, is you have a great time with your friends, you go home and you think over and over about the conversation and maybe the one dumb thing you said, or the thing you're like, oh, did they take that wrong? Ooh, did I offend them? And that's something I've had to work on too, where it's like if people that I'm surrounding myself with now, if I said something wrong, absolutely like confront that issue. But you know, to go back and think through the conversation is not healthy either. And so it's something that I've had to work on to be like, okay, if I didn't do anything that was hurtful, I need to move on from the conversation because the people I'm around know my intentions and to then switch to the the good things and they love you and all of that. But that's that's part of that trauma and stuff as well. Um, so is that something that you struggle with too? I know so many people do.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

So yeah, girl, I'll cry in the heartbeat going over conversations in my head. And then next thing I know, I'm saying stuff that I didn't even say. Exactly. Did I even say that? So it's it's a bad, it's bad sometimes. And um, and I and I over apologize, and then they'd be like, Well, it's okay, like you didn't say anything wrong, but in my mind, I did. Yeah, and even but I don't I don't understand that. Like, I don't understand like how in my mind it can seem wrong, but then they don't feel it. And I'm like, like, am I over exaggerating?

Shanna Star 24:24

Like we definitely amp it up, and then and it's usually part of a conversation that is like brushed and it's not even thought of. And yeah, yeah, it's something I have to be like, they probably thought they said something dumb, but I wouldn't have even noticed it, you know, and so that's usually the only thing.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

But I'm okay with saying things dumb, and sometimes right, just never hurtful, I guess, is the yeah, yeah. I'm I'm totally okay with it because I don't know everything, and sometimes, you know, I just even though I wish I did, but I don't. But um, sometimes it's just like it's already been said, yeah, so get over it, yeah. And so um, we tell our kids that all the time, but we don't follow the directions that we give them. Like, it's already done, sorry to say, can't take it back, move on from it. Like, they still they still love you.

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Confidence Grows When You Receive

Shanna Star 26:39

today. So kind of back to receiving too. I know that receiving can be very vulnerable. It can in an emotional way. And so maybe there's part for some people where it feels more safe almost to be the one giving rather than just receiving. And so I know it's important to be good at receiving just as you're good at giving because you want to give gifts. Well, that person wants to give to you as well. And it's something that um I have to reflect on as well. It's like, okay, if I love giving, I have to love receiving from those people because they get just as much joy out of it too. So I was sitting down thinking, like, okay, so we're talking about receiving, but what good does it do? So I would love to ask you, and I have my own thoughts too, but what happens for good when we become good at receiving? Like what good things happen when we're good at it?

SPEAKER_01 27:34

So you have more confidence, right? And confidence is quiet, is quiet sometimes, sometimes it's bold and big. But when you learn to receive, you're able to be in the rooms that you want to be in, right? You're able to be seen, you're able to be heard, be valued, you're able to stand tall and smile in any room. It's like a confidence booster in a way. And I would love for us to be able to be confident in receiving, right? Because if we don't, we're gonna just lose ourselves, and that's not a good thing. But the good in it, it it gives you that uh dopamine that you need, like getting a warm hug. And I love that. And I love being able to smile about it and say thank you a thousand times if I need to, but it makes you feel good the rest of the day, sometimes the rest of the week, sometimes it makes somebody's year, um, just from one gift. And I think that the good for it is just the confidence that you can receive with it. And um it makes you it makes you a better person sometimes.

Shanna Star 28:58

Yeah, I like that you said the confidence thing because then when you go in those rooms, there's a I belong here, you know. You've received you're even receiving the ability to be in those rooms because if you don't think you belong there, you're not gonna show up and you're not gonna show up fully, and you're not gonna maybe network or meet the people that you want to meet in order to grow. Um I know we touched on it also brings the other person joy, whatever they're giving you, if that's a compliment or encouragement. And I think it opens up more blessings because it kind of you talked about this at the beginning, too. It doesn't clog then that natural flow of generosity. It's giving and receiving and it's winding and moving, and and it shifts from I owe you to we're in this together because we're doing this back and forth, right? And giving the giver a win. Um and something else I read when I was like thinking about this and like looking up some things is it said that you're healable and it signals to those who contribute to your life that you are have the capacity for abundance. And it also signals that you're giving permission to those around you to stop overexplaining yourself. Like you have this fabulous outfit and you're like, oh, it's only two dollars. No, it's just thank you. I look great, you know. And um, and it's a different kind of intimacy when you can receive, but I don't think we always think about that. Um, I know with the girlfriends close to me, it's kind of like, oh no, I just don't want to be high maintenance. I don't need the money, I don't need the rooms, I don't need the compliments. And it's like, no, we all need that ebb and flow so that we can give and receive. Right. Um, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:41

I think that um when it comes to complimenting someone and and they say, well, like it it was just two dollars or whatever, it you know, you're deflecting on what's happening, um, and that you're not worthy of having something more or having that compliment even been given to you. But how did you feel when you bought the two dollar outfit? Did you feel good about it? Because if you did, why shouldn't you receive that compliment? Like, I don't understand why we do that, while we hide behind something. Yes, you do need the compliment. It's gonna make you feel okay, it's gonna make you feel better than okay. Um, and with the with the givers giving or whatever, me and my friend, she's also my neighbor. We sneak out the house away from the kids sometimes. Well, that person to go get coffee. And so sometimes, like, we'll agree. Now, of course, when you're going to get coffee, you think that you're gonna get the coffee yourself and they're gonna get their coffee, but and then it's like a race to us now. Like, no, I got it. And so, because we both are givers, and she gives to me, I give to her, and we absolutely love it, and we're confident in knowing that I know that my friend will have my back, and then I will have hers, and it makes us feel good. It's like a reward for us to go out and go get coffee like four times a week.

Shanna Star 32:21

Yeah, so I love that that you get to do that.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

Look, we we need to stop, but you know, it's going good, right?

Shanna Star 32:27

You always need girl baits, so that's fine. That can't stop. Yeah, I love the words that you used in that, and I wrote it down too to come back to, and it was that you're deflecting what you're supposed to be receiving almost as if you're not worthy of it. Like any compliment is well, I'm not worthy of that, even you know, and so you have to minimize it and minimize yourself. And um, I have some we, I mean, we're surrounded by so many fabulous women, and I have some women are so good at receiving that the first few times that I would compliment them and they'd be like, thanks. I'd be like, Oh, it's almost shocking because they just receive it rather than deflecting and minimizing, and they accept it. And it becomes they're such powerful, confident women, and it is influenced how I receive then too, because I see, like, oh, that's that's really healthy, even though at first, because we're not used to it, it almost comes across as like cockiness, but it's not, it's negative, yes, yeah. And it's interesting that even my brain would go there when really it's just a confident, healthy woman, you know.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

I love it. I love when I compliment someone and they'd be like, girl, I know, like you and you better. It's so good, yes. I love it. Uh it it brings me joy for sure when someone does that, and I don't see it as being cocky or negative. I'm like, they're embracing exactly the money and the time that they have put into putting those eyelashes on, those outfits, getting their hair done and everything else. Yeah. So why not?

Shanna Star 34:01

Absolutely right.

Dimming Your Light From Fear

Shanna Star 34:02

And and kind of along those lines, are there any other ways that you feel like we tend to dim our glow or downplay our blessings that we can work on? And I know we kind of talked about quite a few of those by deflecting and saying we're not worthy, but um, are there some other things? The first thing that comes to my mind is you know how we speak to ourselves too. So, what are some other ways that we are dimming our glow and downplaying that we should work on? Um, so is that two questions?

SPEAKER_01 34:33

Um, kind of together. Or if you want to do it separate, that's fine.

Shanna Star 34:37

If you find them separate, that's cool.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Okay, okay. I just I just want to make sure. So um when it comes to dimming our light, um by let me see how to answer how to answer that because I I tend to I tend to do this a lot because I'm scared in a way, like I want to be successful, right? But also there's a a part of me that is scared of the growth, is scared that I'll lose somebody. Um, and sometimes that thought process can allow me to dim my own light because I'm like, well, I do love that so-and-so got to do this, but am I good enough to do that? But knowing that I am, and sometimes I may be even better than them. And but at the same time, I'm like, well, maybe they wouldn't, well, maybe the people that I need wouldn't receive it as much as if it's me, right? So I put myself in this little box. But how I get out of the box, I just sit here and once again I tell myself, you got it, you deserve it, you're gonna get through it, and then I embrace it because I am worthy of doing it. I am worthy of everything that I want to be. I am worthy of being seen, I am worthy of being what I was called to be. That's my purpose. That may be their purpose too, but that's my purpose as well. And I have to stand on my two feet just like them, and I should stand tall just like they do. Our confidence is two different things or different ways of showing it. But at the end of the day, I just gotta show up for me. And I think that dimming ourselves is once again, it's a habit. Um, but how we get out of it is well, it's just work. I really don't know. Sometimes you have to have therapy, sometimes you have to just vent, sometimes it's different things, but I don't think there's like a true answer of how like one person could just stop doing it.

SPEAKER_02 37:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

If it's a habit, it's a practice, like with anything else. Yeah, um, and I and I really just stand on practicing to love yourself, to bring joy to your own self, um, because that's how you're able to show up and be the light that you need to do. That that inner work is going to be what you need in the beginning. We can't do anything for anyone else if we are harming ourselves emotionally, um, physically, mentally, or anything like that. We are not able to show up for our kids or our spouse or in family members or however, or our jobs if we don't start with this first.

Shanna Star 38:10

Yeah. I wrote down a couple things, something I really like that you said that was, you know, you know what your purpose is. And if you know what your purpose is, whether that's grounded in faith or your knowing or that intuition, whatever that looks like, then you should also know that you're worthy of that purpose because it won't have been set on your heart, you know, just like you said too. So if you know your purpose, you're worthy of that purpose. And then the other thing you said was to be scared in a way of that success, which is absolutely true. Like when you first starting, you're like, why would I be scared of success? Yes, bring on the money, bring, bring on the growth. But really, it brought me back to, and I can't remember what other podcaster said this, but I'm stealing it. And they said, What got you here isn't gonna get you there. And so you might have done these habits or had the this mindset to get you where you're at, but it's gonna take change and growth to get where you want to go. And that can be scary because it's vulnerable to look inside yourself and be like, okay, what can I do to become better or to grow um in order to get where I want to? And that's it's hard. It's hard.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

It's almost like um thinking about um Adam and Eve when they found out they were naked. And so and that that always the story used to always make me so upset because I'm like, well, you knew better anyway. It's like, why are you doing that? And I'll look at you shameful. Um, so but that's how it is. It's feel like we're taking our clothes off in front of everybody, and we're standing in a room and everyone's looking at us. That vulnerable, that vulnerability is hard to deal with. Um, and having the courage to stand in front of people, like some people go on TED Talk or you know, do concerts and all these things. And sometimes they are nervous, but we don't see it. We show up for them and then they're like, I was so scared. But at the same time, like they did what they had to do. So if they could do that, then why can't we? Like, we if we have the courage enough to go get these outfits so we can look like Beyonce and her concert, and then have courage to buy the ticket to drive there and all the traffic, to walk upon everybody, you're being seen there. So why don't you show up for yourself in the everyday life? Like it's literally the same. I like to walk like I'm a billboard every day. Because why not?

Shanna Star 40:59

You said something about uh vulnerability, and I've spoken about that in the past too, which is it's such a hot word the last few years. I know, like Brene Brown that authored, like talks about vulnerability and something I do as a photographer that I have found that if I'm vulnerable first, it gives permission for other people to be vulnerable in front of my camera because I've already broken that ice, I've already allowed the scared or unknowing or awkwardness. And so, but it can be so difficult to step into that vulnerability. But as soon as we do, it breaks kind of those barriers and those chains that we have in order to show up. And um, it can be absolutely beautiful, but it it's scary at first, so yeah, but I agree with the walking billboard. Clearly, my head is every day, and I forget about it, you know.

SPEAKER_01 41:49

So yeah, yes, you got to.

Shanna Star 41:52

Yeah.

Health Gratitude And Showing Up

Shanna Star 41:53

I would love to know is there anything else that's been on your heart and mind, anything that keeps coming up for you lately that you would love to share with the women and probably few men listening today?

SPEAKER_01 42:04

Hi guys, yeah.

Shanna Star 42:07

We like you too, sorry.

SPEAKER_01 42:08

Yeah, we like we like you guys too, I guess. But um, what's been on my heart? Let's see. Health has been on my heart in my mind, right? I like I said, I'm a chronic baddie, but at the same time, I have goals, and I want to be better for myself, and I want to be able to show up for myself of who I want to become. And when it comes to me not being able to do certain things, that weighs hard on me. And it makes me uh it makes me doubt myself, it makes me doubt everything that I've ever done, it makes me um completely undone, right? I cry, I get angry, all those things because I want to go out of town. This book is driving me nuts. I want to travel, I want to, I just want to do so much. Like, I want to be able to go talk on podcasts in person or or whatever. Like sometimes I don't know what to say, but I'm just like, hey, I'm here for the conversation. But I want to be able to show up for myself, and I know that health is definitely something that if you're healthy, take pride in that. Right? Don't do not for a second, take anything for granted because you when waking up one morning and then you can't do any of the things that you used to do, it does not feel nice. And so if you are a gym person, go to the gym, be excited to go. If you're not and you want to start, go. If you have the limbs to go, have it, baby. Because there's people like me that wish that we could. Um, but yeah, uh health is definitely on my mind and and just being able to um get back to where I was and get back to how I used to be. I feel like I could flourish a little bit more. Um, but I'm trying to be grateful in the season that I'm in. I'm being sat down for a reason, but at the same time, I have to say, well, I'm still grateful. I'm still being able to take care of my kids, I'm still able to wake up each and every morning. There's people that don't, unfortunately. And so um that gratefulness carries me through. Um but yeah, uh, take care of yourself, drink some water.

Shanna Star 44:59

Drink some water, that's always good. That's always good.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Um make sure your gut health is good.

Shanna Star 45:04

First of all, like thank you for being vulnerable about that because health is like you said, when you have it, it is taken for granted because you don't think about it. Um and I went through some really awful health issues the last year. Like I even stopped doing my podcast for like six months because I just didn't have the capacity. And I had two tumors in my arm and breast, and I wasn't sleeping. I mean, I had all these awful things. Um and it wasn't until you know I kept fighting thinking like I can do this alone, I can do this alone. Um but I had to finally go to some doctors and and get some help. And it it I mean, I don't know your situation too, but it's so frustrating because you see people going to the gym or changing, and it's seemingly so easy and you feel stuck and alone. And um I know it's still good to hold on to, like you said, the gratitude because happiness begins with gratitude, and you can still wake up and be so thankful for the things that you have. Um, but health is so important. So I hope that you continue to feel better. I've have you like started that journey on feeling better. Tell me about that.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

I actually have I purchased this um this little liquid, okay, or whatever, I don't know what to call it really. Um, and um, it's by a company called Bowie, and it's not sponsored, by the way.

Shanna Star 46:31

Yeah, I wish. If you want to, that's fine.

unknown 46:33

So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

But um, I um I read it and it said that it was for chronic illnesses, and I was like, I want to try that because I'm trying everything. Um except for getting at the wall, I've really, yeah, yeah. But I I'm I'm trying everything. I just I just want to feel better, right? And and then also it gets it's like I'm help I'm also helping the company to thrive as well, right? And then that helps me pour back into it as well. Because guess what? If I get a sale or if I share it with somebody else, I get money for it too. So what wonderful? Well, hey, we're just gonna be in one big circle. You help you help me get rid of the chronic illness, and I help you get some more customers. Yes, like a big circle, and so um I I just but even that aside, if I never had somebody else to buy it, I just want to feel good. Yeah, yeah, you know, I want whatever I read to be true about them helping X, Y, and Z people to feel better, and this works out because once I feel better, there is no stopping me.

Shanna Star 47:50

Yeah, I believe that. You when you did drop into my DMs too, I was so like, this girl is confident and you're beautiful. And then when you send over like more stuff about you, the photos of you are fabulous. I was like, This is so much fun. I was scrolling through and absolutely like shine. And so hopefully in the little clip that I'll share, they'll see how fabulous you are. Um so before I let you go, how can everyone find and follow you and get to know you even more?

Where To Find Kay And Wrap

SPEAKER_01 48:19

Okay, so I have uh a business with my partner, with my um business partners called TJK Plus. And you can find us at TJK Plus.com. I am a brand designer there and creative director, and then also I do voice acting and modeling, and you can find me there at the kreshaw.com and um my Instagram is discovering underscore k.

Shanna Star 48:48

Perfect, and I'm already gonna say I found out that you do UGC, so I might have to have you come back because I'm still dabbling in it, still learning, and I'm loving it. Um I've been posting about it online. So maybe our next conversation can be about UGC because I've had a lot of people super interested in learning about it and how great it can be, depending on how you set everything up.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

Yeah, and also my DMs is always open. Perfect we can chit-chat, we can chit-chat in there.

Shanna Star 49:16

She needs that because she wrote back immediately and I did not open my right away, but she's much better at it. So yeah, um, I don't got nothing else to do. Talk to me. It's not true. You're getting coffee with your girlfriend at least four times a week, and you have the kids and you have the business, you got lots. But I'm really proud of you, and I I hope that you start feeling better as well.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

So thank you. And I'm glad that your situation is getting better.

Shanna Star 49:41

It is, yeah. I had a large scar when they took out the tumors. Um, and because you know, living in Florida, I was telling people it was my shark bite because it was curved like that.

SPEAKER_01 49:50

I love that.

Shanna Star 49:51

Yeah, that wasn't as cool as that, but yeah. That battle scar.

unknown 49:56

Yes.

Shanna Star 49:57

Well, I appreciate it today, and just hope that women listening can start to receive or start to work on receiving better and allowing that gift to come back to us too. So thank you so much. Thank you guys. Have a good one.

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Shanna Star 50:11

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