Episode 107: "What can I do if my friend has been sexually assaulted?"
Episode 107: "What can I do if my friend has been sexually assaulted?"
On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about supporting a friend who has experienced sexual violence.
This is Jessica Skultety, Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services at no charge to survivors for over 40 years.
Jessica: Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, what can I do if my friend has been sexually assaulted?"
And today we’re joined again by Safe+Sound Somerset college volunteer, Ella Blank, who goes to the University of Maryland. Hi Ella!
Ella: Hi everyone! So, there’s a lot you can do to support a friend. There are many resources for sexual assault survivors, but also one of the first things you can do is simply be there for them. Let your friend know that they are not alone and they have your support. It can be hard for someone to talk about their trauma, so if they do talk, you can start by thanking them for trusting you with their experience.
J: I agree. Some phrases that you can use are, “I’m sorry that this happened to you” and “Thank you for sharing with me.” Listen to your friend, if they want to talk about the assault or how they feel. Believe them, too. This is one of the most powerful things you can do. Because so many survivors of sexual assault don’t tell anyone because they don’t think they’ll be believed, or they’ve been dismissed in the past. Also, try not to share your own opinions of the assault or advice from your own life or other people’s lives.
E: Yes. Try not to place judgment, shame or blame on your friend, because it is very common for victims to feel guilty and blame themselves. Another things you can do is ask them how they think you can help.
J: You can encourage your friend to talk to someone who may be able to help or support them even more, like a trusted adult, parent, family member or family friend, teacher or school counselor. They can also contact a sexual violence services organization like us, Safe+Sound Somerset. But do not pressure your friend into sharing their experience with others.
E: As the friend, you could reach out to a trusted adult yourself, whether it be someone your friend knows or not. This could be helpful to talk about your feelings about the situation and to get advice on how to support your friend further, even if you do not share your friend’s full story or name. It’s best that you don’t share these details with others, without your friend’s permission. If you think your friend is in danger or is talking or giving hints about hurting themselves or others, call 911 and get a trusted adult involved.
J: You can offer services, resources like Safe+Sound Somerset, where we provide free services to survivors in Somerset County, New Jersey. We can also provide a Sexual Assault Response Team and a Confidential Sexual Violence Advocate to work with a survivor. We offer counseling for children, teens, and adults who have experienced or witnessed sexual violence.
You can also offer to sit with your friend and call or text our helpline together, at 866-685-1122. Our advocates are experts and can provide supportive listening and information. The helpline is anonymous, confidential, and local. If you are outside of Somerset County, we can connect you directly to your local sexual violence services organization.
E: Also, your friend might not want to reach out for further help. In this case, let them know you are there to talk if they want support looking for services or just to listen. You can also spend time with your friend, doing things together that you both enjoy. Make plans, see them through, and go have fun. Not everything you talk about has to be about the assault. Helping a friend is such an important job, and you’re doing great. Just remember to also take care of yourself and know when to step back. Is there another friend who can step in sometimes? Can you share how you feel with another adult? You matter too, so look after yourself in ways that you need.
J: To speak with an expert about relationship or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.