On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about what happens when you don’t trust your partner.
This is Jessica Skultety, Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services at no charge to survivors for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, What should I do if I don’t trust my partner anymore?”
Relationships change. Sometimes people grow apart naturally, and sometimes one person will do something that makes the other person lose their trust. Maybe they lied, cheated, went behind their back, told a secret, or started acting strangely. These are just a few examples. Maybe this partner started making the other feel unsafe, by threatening them, hurting them emotionally or physically, or making them feel worthless.
You always have a right to leave a relationship, for whatever reason. This is a right that both people have. You don’t even have to explain yourself or have a solid reason. You also have the right to change your mind for anything. If your partner is making you feel unsafe or unloved, that is more than enough of a reason to leave, if you want to.
It’s also valid and okay if you don’t trust your partner anymore, but you still love them and want things to change for the better. Maybe you want to stay in the relationship. Trust is very difficult to earn back sometimes, but if you are determined to forgive them and let them earn back their trust, that could be one way forward for you.
If your partner has made a mistake and you choose to forgive them and continue in a healthy, respectful relationship, you also can’t keep holding their mistake over their head. Be careful that you are not using their mistakes to manipulate them.
If you are feeling unsafe around your partner, and want to leave a relationship, we recommend reaching out first to a helpline like Safe+Sound Somerset.
The most dangerous time for the target of abuse in a relationship is when they leave. This is because the abusive partner will notice the other person gaining some of their power back, and they may go to extremes or make abuse worse to prevent that. It also takes an average of 7 times for someone to leave an abusive relationship. But don’t let this stop you from knowing that you deserve to be happy and safe, and you can leave a relationship. Reach out to us for support on the helpline. We can listen to you, support you, and safety plan with you.
To speak with an expert about relationship or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.