On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about partners pressuring the other to skip or drop out of school.
This is Jessica Skultety, Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services at no charge to survivors for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, What if my partner is pressuring me to skip class or drop out?”
This question is a common one from teens. We want to impress our partners and might feel pressured to skip or drop out of activities like school. According to a recent study of 3,000 teens, 68% of teens experienced some kind of educational interference from a partner. That’s a huge number!
This is actually a kind of economic abuse and includes things like: pressure to spend less time studying, skip class or school, drop out of school, drop out of an important extracurricular activity or club, participate in the same activities, and change post-graduation plans.
On top of that, 2/3 of that 68% of teens said specifically that their partner tried to convince them to skip class or school. 22% of teens skipped because they felt threatened, scared or bullied. This research was done by the national organization Futures Without Violence with the Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh and Allstate Foundation. These are HUGE and concerning numbers because no one should feel pressured or scared of their partner.
We’ve all probably heard adults say that staying in school longer creates better outcomes and higher money earning over time. If you are committed to staying school or class, your partner’s words shouldn’t sway you. Here’s the thing: if your partner doesn’t accept that staying in school is important to you, then they don’t really accept you as your full, true self.
Even when you’re in a relationship, you get to make decisions for what’s best for you. If your partner doesn’t let you make decisions for yourself, that’s a huge warning sign that this relationship might not be safe or healthy for you.
Our romantic relationships are only one part of our lives. There are other people and parts of our lives that are important and deserve your time and effort, like school! Also, when partners do this, it can be an attempt to isolate you from people and places. This is a common tactic that abusive partners use to make you rely on them more.
You can tell your partner simply: “No, I don’t want to skip class, but we can hang out later.” Stay true to yourself, your goals, and your boundaries. If your partner continues to guilt and pressure you, maybe this isn’t a supportive relationship for you. Think about reaching out to a trusted adult or call or text our helpline for support. You’re not alone.
To speak with an expert about relationship or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.