On today’s episode, we’re answering a question from local teens about feeling trapped in a relationship.
This is Jessica Skultety, Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic and sexual violence response organization, providing services at no charge to survivors for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “Dear Ava, What can I do if my partner makes me feel trapped in the relationship?”
Unfortunately, a lot of teens and adults tell us they feel trapped. Here’s the key: you have a right to leave a relationship for any reason. You never have to stay in a relationship that you don’t want to be in.
In every relationship, there are rights and responsibilities. If both partners follow them, then it makes a healthy, safe relationship for both people. For example, one of those rights is the one we just mentioned. You don’t even have to have a good reason for leaving; you have a right to leave. You could feel like you want a change, or that the relationship just isn’t fitting your needs.
If your partner is making you feel trapped, that is not okay. Even in a relationship, you still should still be able to have the ability to make your own decisions. It’s your life, not your partner’s life. Some relationships are not meant to last, when they aren’t serving the needs of one or both partners.
Sometimes when you feel trapped, it’s because your partner is controlling you or being abusive. Here are some of the things that your partner might say or do:
1. Making you feel guilty for wanting to see friends or spend time doing other activities you enjoy
2. Expecting sexual activity or gifts constantly because you’re in a relationship, and making you feel bad, guilty, or threatened
3. Using your past against you, to make you stay. Or making you believe that you don’t deserve better, so you have to stay with them (that’s not true, by the way!)
4. Threatening to expose your secrets or share naked photos or videos if you leave, otherwise known as blackmailing you
5. Physically hurting or threatening to hurt you
6. Threatening to hurt someone else or themselves, including threatening suicide if you leave
These are some of the ways that we’ve heard people say they’ve been trapped in relationships. If you or a friend are feeling unsafe in a relationship, call or text our helpline. We can safety plan with you before you leave to help keep you safe as possible. If you are in danger or your partner is in immediate danger of hurting someone, including themselves, call 911 right away.
To speak with an expert about relationship or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.