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Do you have questions about dating violence? Or, do you ever wonder what makes a relationship healthy? Look no further than the Ask Ava Podcast, where experts weigh in on these topics and more - like blackmail, gender, consent, and sexual assault. Questions come directly from New Jersey-based classrooms & groups.

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The Ask Ava Podcast is produced by Safe+Sound Somerset. Located in Somerset County, we provide survivor services and prevention programs for domestic, dating and sexual violence. If you need support, please call or text our trained advocates on our confidential, free, 24/7 Helpline: 866-685-1122.

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Ask Ava

Ask Ava, Episode 173: "What if people blame me for having a developed body?"

August 03, 2023 • Safe+Sound Somerset • Season 1 • Episode 173

0:00 | 3:01

Episode 173: "What if people blame me for having a developed body?"

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Real answers for real questions

You’re listening to the Ask Ava Podcast, where we give real answers to real questions from teens and young adults about relationships, consent, dating violence, and more.

My name is Jessica Skultety. I’m an Outreach and Prevention Manager at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey’s lead organization for domestic and sexual violence services and prevention, and we have free services for children, teens, and adults who witness or experience violence.

Today’s question is: Dear Ava, "What if people blame me for having a developed body?"

Everyone has a body, right? And when you’re a teen, people change at different times because of puberty. It’s not your fault if you have developed more or differently from other people. And it can be really hurtful to hear this. This person might be making it sound like, if you get attention that you didn’t want, that it’s your fault.

It’s also important to remember that everyone’s body changes, too, throughout their life. That’s not something we often talk about.

One of the problems for young people, whether you’re a teen or young adult, is that people often see them as sexual beings. Not all of us want sex, and it’s also really problematic to be seen just for your body. So if someone is blaming you for how your body looks, they aren’t seeing the whole you. It also sounds like an excuse to catcall, or make sexual comments, or sexually assault someone. The real blame is on the other person who is doing violent acts, not you.

So remember – if someone blames you for having a developed body, that’s not your fault. Try to push out what they say and remember that you are important, and there is no reason for someone to blame you. You deserve respect.

To speak with an expert about relationship or sexual violence, call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential helpline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening, information, and safety planning. In the United States, you can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, or the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673.

Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Submit it at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.