This week, we're talking about how alcohol and substance use cannot be used as an excuse for abuse.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County New Jersey’s lead domestic violence organization, providing safety, hope and healing to survivors for 41 years. As part of the SPEAK Community Outreach and Violence Prevention program, I have the opportunity to educate and have deep discussions with preteens, teens, and adults about healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships.
When 1 out of 3 teens experiences dating abuse before high school graduation, it’s all of our responsibility to work together to end abuse once and for all. The Ask Ava series, developed by teens in our SPEAK Teen Leadership Camps, is designed to connect with and educate teens about teen dating abuse and healthy relationships. We'll be answering this week's question with a deeper look here on our podcast.
Today's question from local teens is:
Dear Ava: I've heard other teens make excuses for abusive behavior towards friends and dating partners such as, "I was just drunk, I’m so sorry, it won’t happen again." Is this acceptable? Doesn't drinking change your state of mind?
We get a lot of questions from teens in middle and high schools about dating partners using drinking as an excuse for abuse. For example, "I was just drunk, I'm sorry, I'll never do that again," or a friend making excuses for their partner: "It only happens when they are drunk, I can handle it," etc. This is never okay and it is a HUGE warning sign that this behavior WILL probably happen again and/or be worse next time. Abuse has been proven by research to typically get worse and escalation of behavior is common like this when the abusive partner feels like they are losing power and control.
Here's something else to keep in mind. There are many people in the world who can use substances and not hurt someone physically, emotionally, sexually, verbally, etc. – right? But the statistics for abusive behavior and survivors are so high that we need to keep this in mind. 1 out of 3 women in America today will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. 1 out of 4 men will experience domestic abuse in THEIR lifetime. So again, this is something we hear about a lot, this excuse for abuse.
Abusive behavior is always a choice that someone makes, even if they are under the influence of a substance. Making the choice to engage in substances such as alcohol and drugs is also a choice.
So, if someone says, "I was just drunk, it won't happen again," they still made a choice during that time to treat you a certain way. Never let someone use substance use as an excuse and recognize how dangerous this acceptance can be. Call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset hotline at 866-685-1122 for more information and support, and visit our website at www.safe-sound.org.
Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.