Blackmail in Teen Relationships
Blackmail in Teen Relationships
This week, we're talking about the serious nature of blackmail in teen and adult relationships, and how to get help.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County New Jersey’s lead domestic violence organization, providing safety, hope and healing to survivors for 41 years.
When 1 out of 3 teens experiences dating abuse before high school graduation, it’s all of our responsibility to work together to end abuse once and for all. The Ask Ava series, developed by teens in our SPEAK Teen Leadership Camps, is designed to connect with and educate teens and those that care about them, about teen dating abuse and healthy relationships. We'll be answering this week's question with a deeper look here on our podcast.
Today's question from local teens is: What can I do if someone is blackmailing me?
Blackmail in teen dating relationships is a huge issue that doesn't get enough attention. It’s actually one of the questions that we get the most, out in the community. Whenever a dating partner holds something against the other, this creates an imbalance of power in the relationship, and can make it difficult or completely unsafe for the other person to leave if they want to. Escalation of abusive behavior, which sometimes involves blackmail, is common when the perpetrator feels like their power and control in the relationship is threatened.
Some common examples of blackmail that we hear include: threatening to expose explicit pictures or videos if someone leaves; threatening to hurt a family member, the target, or themselves; threatening to "out" someone as gay; and threatening to commit suicide, which is a threat we have heard in all the middle and high schools that we visit, unfortunately.
In these situations, the target is trapped and has to make very difficult decisions. Love shouldn't hurt though, and you should never have to make a choice between staying with your partner (or doing something they want) and your own individual respect, reputation, or safety.
We recommend that teens reach out to a trusted adult immediately about the situation, even if it’s embarrassing – this could be a parent, teacher, administrator, coach, family members, etc. This person will help you navigate the situation and if it’s serious, it may be necessary to get law enforcement involved. If you're afraid to talk to an adult alone, consider bringing a trusted friend or sibling with you for support, even if they do not know the whole situation.
Remember, when someone is making a threat, it is not something to be taken lightly. If you or a friend are trying to leave a relationship that makes you feel unsafe and controlled, and your partner is blackmailing you, please don’t leave alone. Get an adult involved or call or text our hotline. This situation can and often does escalate, and no one deserves to live that way. Your safety is the most important thing, so please reach out.
Call the Safe+Sound Somerset hotline at 866-685-1122 for more information and support. And, visit our website at www.safe-sound.org. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.