Today, as part of a series on Friends, we're talking about what to do when your friend is thinking about suicide.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset, Somerset County New Jersey's lead domestic violence organization offering services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: How can I help my friend who is thinking about suicide?
When we get this question in classrooms, which is unfortunately often, we always first say, "call 911 and get help from an adult, immediately – please don't wait." Sometimes it's hard for us to know, when is the best time to reach out to an adult? You might even betray a friend's trust – maybe they've told you in confidence or as a secret. But this is a time when a friend is in danger, and you must reach out to health professionals and to a trusted adult. It's better to lose a friendship than a friend.
If someone is thinking about suicide, they are going through intense emotional pain that they want to stop hurting. As a friend, you may not know or understand the details of this, but it's important to take this 100% seriously, even if it sounds like a joke or it doesn't sound serious. You never know what will happen.
Here are some warning signs that a friend might be at risk for suicide: telling you that's what they are thinking about, giving away possessions, withdrawing or stopping activities or relationships they previously enjoyed, hopelessness and dread, no goals or plans for the future, statements, like "no one will care if I'm gone" or "the world would be better without me."
Ask your friend directly if they are thinking about self harm or about suicide. You will not put the idea in their head. If a friend says things like, “no one will care if I’m gone,” you can say, "I really care about you and I'm worried about you. I've noticed you saying things like this” (here you would give examples of words or behavior you’ve noticed). “Sometimes, when people say these things, it means they are thinking about hurting themselves. Is this something you've been thinking about?”
If your friend then starts to talk about ways they might hurt themselves, that’s a HUGE red flag. If there’s an emergency, call 911 immediately. Get a trusted adult involved right away too. That could be a parent, family member, a coach. As the friend, we also recommend calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline for more tips about your specific situation at 1-800-273-8255. You can also see more information on their website, suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
At Safe+Sound Somerset, we unfortunately often hear about threats of suicide in teen dating relationships. One partner may threaten to hurt or kill themselves to make sure their partner stays in the relationship. Please know that even though this situation is unsafe, you can leave with help. Tell a trusted adult or call or text our hotline at 866-685-1122 for safety planning and supportive listening. A future Ask Ava podcast episode will discuss the topic of suicide threats in a relationship in more detail.
Visit our website at http://www.safe-sound.org. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.