Today, we’re exploring how the threat of suicide is used in teen dating relationships.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset, Somerset County New Jersey's lead domestic violence organization offering services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: “How do you help someone who is trapped in a relationship by their partner threatening suicide?”
Here’s an example of a relationship: a teen was still in a relationship they wanted to leave because their partner had threatened suicide. They were convinced that, if something happened, it would be their fault. We want this person to know that it is never their fault.
When someone is making a threat like this, it’s not something to be taken lightly. The situation can and sometimes does escalate. And the partner who has threatened suicide has now gained all the power and control in the relationship.
A relationship is only one part of our lives – but by making this threat, someone is taking away ALL of someone else’s consent in the relationship and putting ALL of the responsibility for their behaviors on the other person. Our clients tell us that the threat of suicide, regardless of whether or not their partner actually attempted suicide, is an emotional wound that stays with them and causes harm throughout their lives.
This is a dangerous situation in teen relationships that is far more common than people might think. The threat of suicide makes this relationship extremely unsafe but a partner can get out safely with outside help.
You don’t have to stay in a relationship you don’t want to be in. Even if you love and care for this person, you are not responsible for their decisions and behavior. Love shouldn’t hurt.
If a partner threatens self-harm, this is a dangerous time to leave but remember that you can do so with help. If you’re a friend listening, tell your friend that this is possible and that it’s important to get someone involved right away for the safety of all involved. First of all, if there’s an emergency, please call 911 immediately. Tell a trusted adult or call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset hotline for safety planning and supportive listening. Our number is 866-685-1122. Also see our previously Ask Ava podcast episode about blackmail. You deserve a happy, healthy and safe relationship.
Visit our website at http://www.safe-sound.org. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.