Today, we’re talking about apologizing and how to deal with guilt from previous romantic relationships. This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset, Somerset County New Jersey's lead domestic violence organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: How can I apologize to an ex for my behavior?
The statistics for dating abuse are high – 1 in 3 teens experience dating abuse before high school graduation – so that means that the number of teens who show unhealthy or abusive behavior is high, too. For whatever reason, if you’re feeling guilt or regret for your behavior after a relationship ends and you want to talk to your ex, keep these things in mind.
Apologies for behavior can be appreciated but it depends on the situation. Make sure you’re apologizing for the right reasons. Are you truly apologizing to help the other person? That could be worthwhile, if they’ll accept it. Are you apologizing for yourself, so that you feel better? That’s not a good enough reason.
Your former partner may hear you out, but they may not accept your apology. Think about that from the beginning and make sure you’ve come to terms with that possibility. Don’t keep trying to talk to them if they don’t accept the apology.
If your ex doesn’t want to talk to you at all, let it go. That person may still be healing from the relationship and you should respect their wishes. Do not keep trying to contact them after they’ve expressed not wanting to hear from you.
If you are not supposed to contact your ex, especially if there’s a restraining order in place, do not do it under any circumstances.
If you can’t apologize to your former partner, it’s best to keep in mind what happened in this relationship and your behavior before your next relationship, and take those lessons with you as you move on and date other people.
Text or call the Safe+Sound Somerset hotline for supportive listening, safety planning, and information at 866-685-1122. Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.