Ask Ava

Ask Ava, Episode 25: Healthy Relationships Series - "How Do I Break Up With My Partner in a Respectful Way?"

September 17, 2020 Ask Ava Season 1 Episode 25
Ask Ava
Ask Ava, Episode 25: Healthy Relationships Series - "How Do I Break Up With My Partner in a Respectful Way?"
Show Notes Transcript

Healthy Relationships Series - "How Do I Break Up With My Partner in a Respectful Way?"

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Today, as part of a series on Healthy Relationships, we’re answering teens’ questions about how to break up respectfully. This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset, Somerset County New Jersey's lead domestic violence organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.

Today’s question from local teens is: How do I break up with my partner in a respectful way?

Direct and in-person communication (no ghosting!), respecting their privacy, and giving them space to listen and speak are just some of the 10 tips we’re sharing today on Ask Ava. So let’s start off with:

Be direct with your partner – if you’re going to break up with them, tell them why and be honest. This takes maturity and thought beforehand, so practice your words. Maybe even sit with a friend and practice with them. Even if it hurts your partner’s feelings, this is better than lying to someone or just ghosting them.

Let’s talk about ghosting – if you just simply stop responding to their texts and start ignoring them in person, that’s not a respectful way to break up with someone. Even if you’re mad at your partner for something, they have a right to know what's going on in the relationship. Ghosting them gives you more power in the relationship and tells them that they are not an equal member of that partnership. 

Going back to being honest and direct. When you’re talking, try not to cross the line into being mean. Don’t threaten them or make them feel unsafe in any way. If they have questions, answer honestly but as kindly as you can. If you don’t see a future when you could be together again, don’t give them false hope. Also, be clear about whether or not you want contact when the relationship is over.

Break up in person rather than over technology to make sure that you can communicate as directly as possible (since things can be misread or confusing when read through technology). It’s also usually considered respectful to the other partner for a break up to happen in person.

Speaking of online, avoid talking about your ex online after the break up as those things can also be read the wrong way. Things posted online are permanent and they can also be spread as soon as you post it – you lose control.

If you need to talk with your friends and vent about the break up, consider doing this on the phone or in person.

Give your partner space and time to process when you break up with them. Also give them space to respond and really listen when they do respond.

When you break up with them, continue to respect your partner’s privacy. If you know their secrets or personal information, don’t spread around. If you have something of theirs, like a piece of clothing, set up a time to return it. If they don’t want to see you or talk to you after the relationship ends, respect their wishes and their privacy.

If your partner threatens you or makes you feel unsafe over talk of breaking up, please don't hesitate to get a trusted adult involved. You also might want to consider breaking up with someone in public if you fear their reaction. If you want more specific advice about your situation, please text or call the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 hotline at 866-685-1122 for information and support. Make sure to call 911 if you are in a dangerous situation.

 Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.