Today, we're talking about the harmful effects of cyberbullying and technology abuse, and what you can do about it. This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset, Somerset County New Jersey's lead domestic violence organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: Why is cyberbullying so serious?
October is National Bullying Prevention Month, and one of the comments we hear from teens more often than others is, “I don’t get why cyberbullying is so serious, or what I can even do about it. I see it all the time, so it must be okay to most people.”
Bullying of any kind is never okay, it’s NOT normal, and it’s a form of abuse. A person chooses to bully and gain power and control over someone else – it’s never the victim’s fault.
Bullying can have lasting and serious effects on someone’s physical and mental health, self-esteem, and social status and life. The main message here: Cyberbullying is just as serious as in person bullying.
So when we think of bullying, a lot of us think of physical fights and mean words. There are other forms of bullying too and all of these can be done online or through text: purposefully leaving someone out of a group, calling them names behind their back, sharing someone’s secrets or personal information without their permission, and sexual harassment. Even more examples of cyberbullying are: pressuring someone to share their social media, phone, or email passwords; demanding that someone share their GPS location; expecting constant and immediate responses to text messages, tracking who you follow on social media and who follows you, and pressuring you to send sexual photos or videos.
When it comes to cyberbullying, being online and anonymous makes it easy to excuse away, but if it doesn't feel right, it probably isn’t. It’s wrong, even if we see adults cyberbullying and acting inappropriately online. If in your gut, you feel that it’s not right, you should trust that.
Here are some reasons why cyberbullying is just as serious as in person bullying. Once you give something away online (like personal information, a photo, or video), your control of that media is gone – it can go anywhere and be saved by anyone. This can affect future college and job applications as well as your online image for the rest of your life. Can you trust this friend or romantic partner in 3 months? 1 year? 10 years? 20 years?
Also, teens and adults can and do get in trouble with the law. For example, by federal or United States law, any sexual photo of a minor – anyone under 18 – is considered child pornography and both minors and adults can be criminally charged by sharing them. Another example is: cyberharassment that threatens a person’s physical or emotional wellbeing or safety can be charged in New Jersey. The best way to think about this is: if someone’s not sure if something could be considered harassment, they probably should not say or post it – when in doubt, leave it out.
Another important point: cyberbullying often has a lasting effect on someone’s life beyond the spread of photos or videos. Just like in person bullying, cyberbullying can have long-term negative effects on someone’s self-esteem and mental health well into adulthood if not for the rest of their lives. Sometimes it can be hard to imagine the effects lasting that long, but they do. In one of the examples we mentioned before – demanding constant and immediate responses to texts or DMs – someone might develop anxiety about not being able to answer fast enough, or that they’re not being a “good enough” partner or friend. Even if that relationship or friendship doesn’t last, this person might feel that expectation to respond quickly throughout their life or in future relationships.
As a friend, bystander, or victim to cyberbullying, there are lots of ways you can say or do something. If your friend is being bullied, talk to them (in person, if possible). Listen to them and make sure they know they can talk to you. If something happens at school, you can go with your friend to report the incident, even if you weren’t involved.
Get a trusted adult like a coach, family member, or teacher involved immediately if your friend is in danger or there’s been a crime – even if that friend doesn’t want you to tell. If someone is in immediate danger call 911 immediately. Take screenshots and write down when things happen – this can be helpful especially when the school or law is involved. You can block someone’s account or number.
Don’t forget – it can be difficult but getting a trusted adult involved can really help, especially if the situation continues to get worse. If you feel safe to do so, tell someone to stop and say, “no, that’s not okay with me,” whether you’re the person being bullied or a bystander. Remember, you have a lot of power here, and it’s never the victim’s fault. Take care of yourself.
Call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening and information.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.
