Today, as part of our winter holiday series, we’re talking about setting healthy boundaries and relationship goals for a new year. This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: What are some healthy New Year goals for my relationship?
A new year, 2021, is just about here, and often at this time, people start to think about resolutions and goals to accomplish. Romantic relationships of all kinds take hard, constant work, so this is a great time to talk with your partner about what you both envision for the future, though of course you can do this at any time of the year. Direct communication (in person, if possible), when it’s just the two of you, is best for talking about goals for your relationship.
Maybe it’s as simple as planning out some fun dates or small trips to take together in the new year. It’s always good to have something to look forward to.
At this time, also reach out to your own friends and family, and make plans with them, too! Make sure you’re not spending all of your time with your romantic partner. In healthy relationships, both partners have a right to have their own friends and they have a responsibility to spend time doing other activities and being with other people.
This is a good time to set or reevaluate boundaries, too. For example, if your partner seems to be needing you all the time, or wants to hear from you constantly, but you’re uncomfortable, say something and let them know that you have to live your life, too. Remember that you and your partner both have the right to say “no” to anything you don’t want to do, and you always have the right to change your mind.
Also, talk about some of the positive and negative things that are coming up for both of you – whether it’s school, work, family, or friend related – and how the other person could support you through that time. If your partner is worried about their ability to do something in their life – like score high on a test, or pass auditions or tryouts – lift them up to give them confidence. Take the time to listen and ask them how you can be helpful if at all, or tell them that you’re there to listen at the very least. This is important in healthy relationships.
If a conflict opens up about your goals, try to listen to your partner’s side nonjudgmentally or neutrally, as hard as it can be. All relationships have disagreements and in a healthy relationship, you work through them and do it respectfully. That means not only listening but NOT putting the other person down or insulting them. If you make a mistake, apologize.
And remember that not every relationship lasts forever. If it seems like your partner’s goals don’t align with yours, and this is hard for you, you don’t have to necessarily stay together. You have the right to fall out of love with someone and move on. You both deserve a happy relationship that supports both of you.
Call or text the S+SS 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening and information.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.