Today, we’re talking about what to do when your partner is jealous of your friends. This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset. We are Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: What do I do if my partner is jealous of my friends?
Jealousy is natural; sometimes our partners and our friends just don’t get along, and you can accept this and live with it. It can be awkward and difficult sometimes, but if you’re committed to having this relationship, you will need to work with it.
But what happens when jealousy takes over your entire relationship? This happens to teens often, and “extreme” jealousy is one of the most clear warnings signs of an abusive or unsafe relationship. For example: your partner is constantly questioning you about where you are going and who you are with, but not in a nice way.
They might whine or be upset about not spending enough time together. This last part can happen in a real way, too – but it wouldn’t be from the side of jealousy, though. Another extreme example is if your partner is tracking your phone or your GPS location – our podcast episode, #23, is all about that! Or, your partner constantly texts you looking for check ins and asking you questions.
Another problem is if your partner makes you feel guilty about spending time with your friends. They might say it directly, or they might be passive aggressive – meaning they’ll bring it up indirectly but in a guilty way. A passive aggressive away might sound like, “You know, I really wish we could have hung out on Saturday!” or “When you’re with your friends, I just get so lonely.” Again this last part can be true, but they shouldn’t be purposefully making you feel bad for spending time with your friends.
Maybe your partner calls or texts you constantly when you’re with your friends. That’s another warning sign that this relationship isn’t healthy for you. They need to give you some space.
An important thing to remember is: you and your partner both have a responsibility to spend time with other people in your lives, whether that be friends, family, or involvement in extracurricular activities. Friends are important! Your partner should be giving you space to hang out with your friends and encourage it. There’s plenty of you to go around!
Remember, you have the right to leave any relationship you don’t feel comfortable in; friends are important to your life! You have every right to say that your friends are important to you. If your partner doesn’t listen, then they are showing a lack of trust and respect for you.
Call or text the Safe+Sound Somerset 24/7 confidential hotline at 866-685-1122 for supportive listening and information.
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.