Today, we’re answering questions from teens about the myths and facts of teen dating violence – Part 1.
This is Jessica Skultety, Community Outreach Associate at Safe+Sound Somerset, Somerset County, New Jersey's lead domestic violence response organization, providing services at no charge for survivors of dating and domestic abuse for over 40 years.
Today's question from local teens is: What are some myths about teen dating abuse?
Sometimes we hear these myths so often, that they sound like facts! That’s why, for Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month this February, we thought we’d try to clear up some of these facts about an often misunderstood topic. This way, if you know someone in your life experiencing an unhealthy relationship, or you want to get more involved with preventing dating abuse in your school, you can be prepared to change people’s minds!
Myth #1 – Physical abuse is the main, or only, kind of abuse.
This isn’t true. Sometimes our clients, teens and adults, don’t ever experience physical abuse, but they are still in abusive relationships that are controlling and can be increasingly unsafe. Abuse can be physical, emotional, sexual, verbal, financial, digital, and stalking. Also, just because there isn’t physical violence right now, doesn’t mean there’s not a danger or threat of violence.
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention or CDC, 9.4% of high school teens have been purposefully slapped, hit, or hurt physically by a dating partner.
Sometimes one partner uses physical and/or sexual abuse as a threat to abuse in other ways. For example, someone might blackmail their partner into digital abuse: “If you don’t have sex with me, I’ll share these pictures of you with everyone.” By the way, it’s illegal in New Jersey to share or have any nude photos of a person under 18. So - none of this is okay, ever.
Myth #2 – Teen relationships aren’t as serious as adult relationships, so teen dating abuse isn’t really that big of a deal.
This is false. Sometimes teens ask us, “why don’t adults take our relationships seriously?” There might be several reasons for this. Maybe parents remember how they were at your age and remember that those relationships didn’t turn out the way they expected. Sometimes adults want you to focus more on academics or family and not a relationship, so they don’t take what you say as seriously. We go into this topic a lot more in Episode 36 where we answered the question, “What Can I Do If My Partner’s Parents Don’t Accept Me?”
So, teen relationships are important to teens. Plus, they can absolutely be serious relationships. That means that teen dating abuse and violence that happens can be similar to adult relationships. So: teen dating abuse IS a big deal. Studies show that in the United States, 1 out of 3 teens experiences dating abuse before high school graduation. Teen dating violence uses the same manipulation tactics as adult domestic violence, and can have similar life-long impacts.
There is always help and hope available – for example, you can talk to an expert by texting or calling the 24/7 Safe+Sound Somerset hotline. It’s confidential. This could be for information, supportive listening, and safety planning. Our number is 866-685-1122. We have services at no charge for all Somerset County, NJ residents. If you live outside of Somerset County, New Jersey, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline to get connected to your local domestic violence agency. Their number is 1-800-799-7233.
Come back next week for part two of myths about teen dating abuse. We’ll see you then!
Want to “Ask Ava” a question? Visit our website at www.safe-sound.org/ask-ava. Thank you for listening today. Join us next time here on Ask Ava.